“Hold the candle”: what does this expression really mean?

The set expression “Hold the candle” is most often used in two directly opposite contexts. If a person wants to declare that he knows nothing about the details of the intimate life of certain individuals, he says: “Did I hold a candle?” On the contrary, a person who is extremely knowledgeable about this issue confirms the fact of his extensive knowledge with the statement: “Exactly, I held the candle myself!” Let's figure it out: where did this expression come from and what does the first wedding night in the era of Ancient Rus' have to do with it?

First wedding night in Rus'

Let's start with the fact that in different countries there are very bizarre traditions associated with the first wedding night. For example, in some African tribes, the groom, in a fit of passion, knocks out the bride's two front teeth. And in Mexico, newlyweds, on the contrary, abstain from sex for several days after marriage.

Our ancestors also attached great importance to the emergence of intimate relationships between newlyweds. In Ancient Rus', a wedding was a strictly regulated ritual event from beginning to end. Of course, the first wedding night is no exception. In Rus', a special wedding bed was prepared for the young, placing various ritual objects and amulets under it, which were supposed to protect the new family from the evil eye and damage, as well as both ensure prosperity and healthy offspring. These items included: a poker, a juniper branch, a log, a sheaf of rye, a bag of flour. The wedding bed was high, the more feather beds, the better. Everyone, relatives and friends, accompanied the newlyweds to the bedroom.

At the same time, tipsy guests had to behave as cheerfully as possible. They sang indecent ditties, joked, and gave the newlyweds obscene advice. The purpose of all this action was noble: people wanted to help the bride and groom, who are often inexperienced in this matter, to relax, tune in to the right wave, and overcome natural embarrassment. The groom's friend had to hit the wedding bed several times with a whip in order to drive away all evil spirits from there. Then the young people entered into an intimate relationship.

At the same time, they were not left alone. The groom's older relatives - father or brother - literally spied on the intercourse, holding candles in their hands, since there was simply no other lighting at that time. Why were they peeking? There were several reasons for this seemingly strange behavior of the relatives. The lack of intimacy between spouses meant the impossibility of procreation, and it was for this purpose that family unions were concluded in Ancient Rus'. And the fact of intercourse had to be witnessed in order for the marriage to be considered valid.

Relatives were also afraid that the bride would be replaced in the dark. Sometimes, if a girl did not want to become the wife of a particular guy, she could quietly escape from the marital bed, and some girl would take her place. This was done in order to confront everyone with the fact in the morning: this guy is now a completely different husband. And if the groom did not cope with his task, his brother or father could replace him in the marriage bed. This is how our ancestors guaranteed that the child would belong to their clan if the bride became pregnant immediately after losing her virginity.

After the adoption of Christianity, this tradition underwent some changes. The Church insisted that spouses should be each other's only sexual partners. Orthodox clergy also sharply condemned the landowners who used the feudal rights of the first night. Therefore, the idea has taken root among the people that it is her groom who should deprive a girl of her innocence. And instead of older relatives with a candle at the door of the newlyweds’ bedroom, the matchmaker began to “stand guard.” However, sometimes tipsy guests joined her, who joked and laughed, openly spying on the young people, did not let them fall asleep, calling the groom to take active action. After the act had taken place, the marriage was considered confirmed, and this was loudly announced to all other guests and relatives.

Russian interpretation of the expression about holding a candle

Some people believe that the expression “hold a candle” first began to be used in Rus'. They explain it this way. In those days, the primary task of the family was related to the birth of children, the continuation of the family line. That is why the life of young spouses must be as truthful as possible; the young couple should not have any secrets from their relatives. In addition, relatives considered it their business to make sure that the newlyweds were engaged in this matter. That’s why one of the relatives stood guard near the door to the bedroom and watched through the lock slot, holding a candle to better see what was happening. Having made sure that the husband and wife were not slacking and everything was fine with them, the spy immediately hurried to notify other relatives not to worry, and heirs would soon be born.

Barin and servant

It is interesting that the expression “holding a candle” is associated not only with the traditions of the first wedding night. Since people simply had no other lighting for many centuries, many nobles forced their servants and lackeys to stand near their beds with candles. The reason is clear: try unlacing the corset in the dark. Not wanting to go to bed by touch, the master and his wife ordered the yard man or woman to shine for them at the bedside. Some, not shy nobles could have sex at the same time. In general, they did not consider the serf servant to be a human being.

After the owners fell asleep safely, the footman could leave his post. You ask: why was a person necessary? Can't you just put a candle at the head of the bed? The answer is simple: it is dangerous to fall asleep with a lit candle; if you do not blow it out before bed, a fire may occur. Afraid of slipping into sleep with an open source of fire at their pillow, many nobles trusted the right to stand with a candle by their bed only to trusted servants. Such a footman, of course, was well aware of all the details of the personal lives of the owners.

A similar practice existed in Western European countries. At one time, there was a popular joke about an English lord who could not satisfy his wife. Then he allowed the servant, who was holding a candle by the bed, to replace himself in the marriage bed. And he himself got up with a candle. After the servant completed the task, the lord edifyingly told him: “Well, do you now understand how to hold the candle?”

Version No. 1. Russian

Supporters of this version suggest that the roots of what the expression “hold a candle” means should be sought in ancient Rus'. Then the main meaning of marriage, and indeed life in general, was considered to be procreation. Therefore, the married life of the newlyweds should be as “real” as possible, with all the intimate details that follow.

The relatives of the bride and groom just needed to make sure of this. Therefore, one of them stayed behind the bedroom door and peered through the crack, taking a candle with them for a better view. Having made sure that everything was “in order” with the young couple, this curious person immediately ran to tell the rest of his relatives that, they say, heirs will appear - there is nothing to worry about.

French version

In France there is a common expression: Que voulez-vous! Je n'y ai pas tenu la chandelle. It also means: “What do you need? I didn’t hold the candle.” The origin of this expression is associated with the famous engraving “Messalina in Liciski's Closet” by the Italian artist Agostino Carracci (1557-1602). The painter depicted a genre scene that took place in one of the many brothels of Ancient Rome. In the engraving, a man and a woman indulge in carnal pleasures. And at this time the owner of the nativity scene stands over them with a candle. This woman, of course, can call herself a person aware of the details of someone else's intimate relationship. The engraving by Agostino Carracci became popular in France, where this painting is called “Holding a Candle.” Perhaps the stable expression we are talking about has several sources of origin. But all of them, one way or another, are connected with the problem of home lighting, which people faced before the advent of the era of electricity.

What does the expression “hold a candle” mean and where did it come from?

Welcome to the “Our Secret” blog! We wrote in previous articles where the expression “exchange an awl for soap” and “a horse in a coat” came from, but today we’ll talk about the etymology of the expression “Are you holding a candle?” This phrase is usually said when someone shows surprising awareness of someone else's personal life. Where did the expression hold a candle come from?

Several variants of the origin of this catchphrase have reached our time, some of them are quite plausible and have a right to exist. I offer for your consideration the most plausible options.

Version 1

Once upon a time there was a tradition of spying on newlyweds on their wedding night, holding a candle in their hands, to make sure that everything went well. It was formed due to the fact that in some societies the statement that there was no physical contact between the spouses made it possible to recognize the marriage as invalid. And in a number of countries, the childlessness of a couple is still a significant reason for divorce. Therefore, a special ritual of “witnessing” a marriage was formed - the presence of a third party “with a candle” at the first fulfillment of marital duty. The candle was held in order to prevent any forgery and deception. This is where the connection between witnessing carnal love and the expression “held a candle” came from.

Version 2

The famous engraving by the 18th century Italian artist A. Caracci, “Messalina in Liciski’s Closet,” depicts a love scene in an ancient Roman brothel. A third character bent over the bed on which the lovers are having fun, illuminating all this action with a candle. This is the owner of the brothel; she does not take part in this action, and we do not understand the urgent need for her. But it is extremely clear that she is the most knowledgeable person about other people’s intimate relationships. Which makes the phrase “held a candle” very logical and understandable.

The French called this painting “Holding a Candle.” This phrase spread among the people with the connotation of “seeing an intimate secret with one’s own eyes,” and this is how it is used today.

This picture is presented here only as a fragment due to excessive frankness.

Version 3

There is another version of the origin of this phraseological unit. The reason for the emergence of the catchphrase was an anecdote about a lord, which was once very popular.

The lord still could not satisfy his wife. At the moment of failed attempts, so as not to be in the dark, a servant with a candle stood nearby. The angry and tortured lord, succumbing to his wife’s persuasion, ordered a servant to replace him on the marital bed, while holding the candle himself. After the servant’s colossal success, in order to maintain the remnants of his dignity, the lord said: “Now you understand how to hold a candle?”

Of course, this anecdote does not at all explain the need for a person holding a candle. But it has its place in history, and could well have become the progenitor of the phrase about a candle.

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Why was this necessary?

During the times of Ancient Rus', the main purpose of a wedding was procreation. Families were created primarily to produce children. A marriage was not considered valid if there were no witnesses to the intimacy of the newlyweds. The groom's relatives traditionally acted as such witnesses.

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This was also done in order to exclude the possibility of replacing the bride. If a girl married a guy under pressure from her parents, she could run away from the marriage bed and give it up to someone else. It was easy to make such a substitution in the dark. Finally, if the groom failed to cope with his duties, his brother or father could replace him. This guaranteed that the child would belong to his family, which was most important in those days.

The situation changed with the baptism of Rus'. The Church has imposed a ban on intimate relationships with anyone other than a spouse. The groom could no longer shift the responsibility of deflowering the bride onto someone else’s shoulders. Matchmakers began to watch the newlyweds. But they still held candles in their hands. It is interesting that the matchmakers were often accompanied by tipsy guests who not only watched what was happening, but also commented on it.

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