Matryona, like all mothers, dreamed that her sons, the same age as Makarushka and Vityusha, would be happy.
By the age of 28, Victor had already been married twice, but Makar was not even friends with anyone. He graduated from college and headed his native collective farm. Girls and women did not give way, he was an enviable groom. As soon as he is left alone with the girl, he immediately becomes embarrassed and blushes. Although he communicates calmly with her at work, the mother was perplexed.
She more than once offered her son girls to start a family. For a plausible reason, there are “random” meetings at the building, and then at the dinner table he casually shares his dream: “How nice it would be if a daughter-in-law settled in our house and grandchildren ran around!”
Makar began to feel burdened by his mother's care. He moved to a new house, which was allocated to him by the collective farm board. However, this did not bother Matryona; she continued with her plan: to marry her son. Then the opportunity turned up. Irina Petrovna, a young teacher, came to their village. Matryona noticed that her son “had a crush on the teacher.” She began to greet her, bake her pies, or give her pickles and jam. Then she ventured out and had a heart-to-heart talk with the girl.
Since then, the women have united. It took almost a year to achieve the goal. Irina, in the hope that the cherished spark would break out that would unite their destinies forever, asked Makar either to help her understand the computer or to nail down a shelf for books. It’s rare that anyone can refuse a simple and harmless request.
She often came to Matryona’s house so that she could teach the city girl how to cook some dish. The conspirators rejoiced, the ice was broken. Makar began to visit his parents more often. He no longer blushed at the sight of the girl. They often discussed a book or movie they had read, or just chatted. Time passed, but the man had no intention of getting married. Irina has lost hope, so you can remain an old maid. But Matryona is not one of those women who gives up. She tricked her future daughter-in-law into marrying her son.
Victor was hired as an assistant. On his 30th birthday, they decided to throw a feast for the whole village. Irina and Makar were put together in the far corner so that they wouldn’t run away. It was possible to crawl under the table, but not for the chairman of the collective farm! Victor, by hook or by crook, persuaded his brother to drink to his health. After the third glass, the non-drinking Makar relaxed. The last two drinks did their job: they knocked out the avid bachelor. The conspirators rejoiced, the holiday was a success!
In the morning, Makar was awakened by loud female crying and screaming. He looked around. Lying naked in his parents' bed, and naked Irina with him. The mother scolds the “slutty girl” as much as she can: “You bastard! Spoiled the girl. Who will marry her now? And you are good, you lost your virginity before the wedding! She disgraced a respected and authoritative person in the village.”
At breakfast, Makar announced his decision: I’m getting married. The whole village celebrated the wedding. Irina glowed with happiness, her beloved Makar became her husband! They envied her. Matrona could not get enough of her good daughter-in-law. But Irina could be found sad more and more often. To all questions, she answered: “I’m a little unwell.” And I myself wanted to admit: “I am only a wife on paper. We live in different rooms, dine in silence, I hear the voice of the man I love only in public. “So another year passed.
No matter how much her mother-in-law tried to persuade her to be patient, Irina filed for divorce and resignation. That evening, the husband came into his wife’s room for the first time and asked not to leave.
How much courage and bravery Makar will need to defend his happiness, only he knows. Gradually, the heart of the offended woman thawed and her soul spread its wings. Today they are the happy parents of four sons.
How to find your soulmate? How to pray correctly to be heard?
When God does not give family happiness for a long time, many become despondent and develop depression. In men, this is less pronounced, but it also occurs, although it does not manifest itself explicitly, and the process occurs hidden. In fact, everything is the Will of God, which means the absence of the other half nearby also has its reasons. Most often they are associated with the following factors:
- the state of mind is unfavorable;
- the guy is undergoing a test, it is impossible to find out why it was given and when, and even more so how it will end, unless the young man has approached God, then his intuition becomes sharper, it becomes possible to sense cause-and-effect relationships between various events;
- The son’s personal life also depends on the behavior, actions, and thoughts of the parents, since children are responsible for the sins of their fathers.
This means that a guy will be able to find his other half, and at the same time build a family, if the reason that indirectly affects the search for a bride and marriage is eliminated, and the situation is resolved (regardless of what had the impact: sin, a test for purification of the soul or forgiveness by the Lord of sins committed by parents).
In addition to the state of the soul, it is necessary to take care of the external. It is written: “Knock and it will be opened to you.”
To whom can you address the words of prayer? Which icons should I pray to?
First of all, to protect the child from evil forces that influence the soul and prevent the finding of God in the soul, one should turn to the Almighty. But also the prayer for the son to find the girl is read by the Saints. Among them there are no those who specialize in the problem of relationships between people.
Help, can't be left alone
Being a matchmaker for your own son is not an easy task. On the one hand, only a close person knows your preferences and habits, but on the other hand, a mature man should look for a mate. You need to take active action only when:
- there is a trusting relationship with his son (he shares secrets and turns to his parents for help);
- the guy is shy and finds it difficult to meet people on the street (he doesn’t know how to attract the attention of the opposite sex or where to start a conversation);
- the man himself asked to find him a bride.
Husband against providing for a married daughter: how not to ruin your relationship with him and help a young family
Before you go looking for a potential daughter-in-law, you need to take an outside look at the guy’s lifestyle. For example, how much time does he spend at work, with whom does he communicate, and does he visit public places (restaurants, gyms, clubs, local discos). Maybe he doesn't have time to relax, much less go on a date. In this case, it is better to delegate the responsibilities of the son to another family member, and the potential groom should be sent to where the chance of meeting a girl is always great.
If the acquaintance did not take place, it’s time to act. There are more girls than men, so a suitable candidate will eventually be found. You can talk to mutual friends, in case some beauty can’t find the guy of her dreams.
“I would like such a husband”: a friend constantly notes your husband, is it time to worry that he will try to take him away?
A woman who is looking for a daughter-in-law or a wife for her grown-up child must understand that she should not focus on a person’s external qualities. Instead of psychological pressure and questions “When is the wedding?” the man must be given complete freedom.
Where can I find a wife for my son?2
The first thing that comes to mind is to introduce your son to the unmarried daughters of his friends. Not a bad option at all. You already know the family, you are familiar with the applicant for the vacant position of wife. Organize a community celebration. This could be a joint New Year's Eve meeting, someone's birthday, or just going on a picnic.
You can also look for a candidate in your team among young colleagues. Invite a girl just to visit or to a family holiday. Or, under the guise of the need for “brute male strength,” ask your son to help her in some non-feminine matter. Perhaps they will like each other.
Search the Internet to see if there are companies in your city that organize speed dating. Speed dating or speed-dating is a fairly new way of dating, which originally appeared in America, and some time ago came to Russia. It allows you to communicate with several girls in a short period of time (usually 5-7 minutes per girl), draw conclusions and, if there is mutual sympathy, continue communication.
The emergence of this method of dating is primarily due to the constant acceleration of the rhythm of life and a catastrophic lack of time. Offer your son this option. This is a very interesting and useful experience.
And, of course, in the world of information technology, online dating is becoming increasingly popular. This option is quite risky and has many pitfalls in the form of fakes or scammers. But it’s worth inviting your son to try it. But what if! After all, now there are quite a few single, decent women who first build a career, and only then think about family.
If talking about future family life angers a young man, you should not put pressure on him. Everything has its time. This means that the time for his marriage has not yet come. Wait a little longer. The son himself must come to the conclusion that it is time for him to settle down and acquire a legal life partner. And, perhaps, after a while he himself will approach his parents for advice on how to find a good wife.
Can't help, leave alone
There are times when it is impossible to help your son, it is better to leave everything as it is.
A man should not look for a potential wife if he:
- I recently broke up with my girlfriend and don’t want a new relationship yet;
- does not trust his mother and deliberately hides his personal life from her;
- meets a girl, but her mother doesn’t like her.
In such cases, any actions will be viewed with hostility by the man. The mother's behavior can become a cause for conflict.
Should a wife help with the mortgage payment if the family has a separate budget?
Prayer for son's marriage and family
If your son does not believe in God or does not want to pray, protect him yourself with his mother’s prayer, which, as you know, “will come from the bottom of the sea.”
A mother’s prayer for her son’s happy marriage and the creation of a family is the case when it is necessary to fulfill the Orthodox covenant “it is better to talk not with a person about God, but with God about a person.” A successful marriage and a good bride are not easy. Do not force your son to worry about his personal life and marriage with your conversations and advice; you cannot force him to love a person, but support him with prayer. Marrying your son or driving your bride away from him is the wrong message.
A mother can have a separate icon of the Lord and the patron saints of children and family, in front of which she can immediately pray to the saint in case of danger, if necessary for the child. The holy icon, the very name of the saint, by their very presence will save the son from the influence of evil forces. Even psychologists are confident in the effectiveness of prayer for marriage. It's time to pray - with prayer you will not only ask the Lord to resolve the situation, so that your son finds a wife, this girl was good, but also calm down yourself, do not try to marry her or push her away from your child. Then God's help will be with you.
A cunning plan of action
There is a proven way to help your son find a worthy life partner, and yourself a daughter-in-law. To do this, you don’t need to look for a girl and bring a stranger to your home. The mother needs to stop taking care of her son: Total custody should be understood as control, financial assistance, cooking, caring for an adult. Some women continue to cook food, wash clothes, clean their adult son’s room and see nothing wrong with it. We must not forget that a young man is already a person; he must be given freedom. Let him start living on his own. Stop doing all these household chores for him. There is no need to take care of him. So a man will leave his usual comfort zone and start taking care of himself. Then he will improve his personal life (after all, men do not like to do routine housework, especially since they will not stand at the stove).
Love changes over time or still weakens
Marrying an adult guy is far from the main mission of a caring mother. We must give our son freedom and choice, then he will be able to build his own family happiness on his own.
Mother's prayer for her son's marriage
There is an opinion that for a long time single people have a “crown of celibacy”; marriage and prosperity will not be, but the creation of a family. unreal. These are inventions of sorcerers in order to get more benefits from intimidated people through a quick marriage. If a person is protected by prayer and Baptism, confesses and receives communion, no damage or crown of celibacy will affect him, efforts to marry a man will not work, his well-being will not be shaken. A strong protection against all evil witchcraft influences is prayer. There is an opinion that prayer should be read 12 times - but this is also a magical method, a conspiracy, because prayer is a real conversation with God. Discouraging your wife is a great sin; you cannot stop young people from getting married. Try to pray and accept children as they are.
In order for a son to find a good girl, a real bride, it is worth building a calm, churchly life in the family. A priest can help you with this.
What if my husband's parents don't want to go to the wedding?
As a rule, if there are such parents who are conservative in their decisions. And if their opinion is not taken into account, then they refuse to cooperate. There are many reasons why parents refuse to go to a wedding. On various forums you can find real stories and stories. But it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to solve the problem by re-reading a bunch of stories. We must act!
Let's look at a few tips that may help change the opinion of your husband's parents!
1. “Shift responsibility to the future spouse.” In many films, we see how a couple who loves each other tells their parents about the decision to legalize their relationship at the table and over a cup of tea. After which we see a picture where mom and dad are in shock, looking at each other and don’t know what to say. In life everything is a little different. The son says in advance that he wants to get married. If parents are against the wedding, then they carefully begin to hint that this is not the best decision and you need to wait. In the worst case scenario, a scandal begins. In this situation, future brides should not interfere in the relationship between mother and son. They have to figure it out themselves. But your loved one needs to be reminded that he is a man, his decision must be respected, regardless of whether he likes it or not. Simply put, a real man confronts a fact. But this is only if the man is financially independent. The future husband must take full responsibility upon himself and in no case shift it onto his beloved woman or parents.
2. “Give arguments in your favor.” For example, talk about a healthy lifestyle, the ability to cook well, or a promotion in falsehood at work. You can also praise your loved one. Namely: to say that he has golden hands, children are drawn to him, his neighbors love him. The goal is to try to make the mother-in-law see the sincerity of feelings, love, and understanding. It is important for mothers that their children are happy. So, it's worth trying! She must understand that her son will not find a better wife than this.
3. “Gifts and praise are the boss of everything.” It's no secret that women enjoy receiving compliments. And it’s even more pleasant when people praise or give gifts for no reason. But this should be done not a week before the wedding, but from the moment they meet. If your mother-in-law bought herself a dress or blouse, then you definitely need to say that the item perfectly emphasizes her figure. I baked a pie or cake, so I must say that I have never tasted such deliciousness anywhere. Regarding gifts, everything is also simple. Flowers, sweets, gift certificates or just a homemade dish will pleasantly please your mother. But it is important not to overdo it and know when to stop everything.
Of course, if possible, you need to please your husband's parents. However, if from the first minutes you feel humiliation and suppression of personal qualities in the words, then you should stop communicating. Then talk to your loved one and try to solve the problem. But again, in no way should you arrange a showdown with his mother on your own.
How to persuade your son to marry?
Valentina Ivanovna dreams of grandchildren.
“I have an only son, whom I raised without a husband,” says Valentina Ivanovna. “I didn’t spare myself.” She worked from morning to night, just to give Seryozha the best. My son studied well - he graduated from music school and entered a good institute. I always told him not to start a family until he could provide for it.
Serezha planned to continue his studies in graduate school after college, but then he fell in love with a girl and became not himself. I gave up writing my thesis, didn’t pay attention to my advice and raved only about my Olechka. How much effort it took me then to save my boy from this unlucky girl! But I succeeded, and they broke up.
Sergei suffered for a long time over the breakup with this girl, became very withdrawn, somehow mechanically received a diploma with honors and went to work, abandoning a career in science. I thought everything would get better with time, but ten years have passed, and Seryozha is not going to get married. He earns well and can already afford to start a family and have children, which I constantly tell him about, but he just laughs it off. I have already started asking for grandchildren...
We recently had a serious conversation, from which I learned that Seryozha still loves that girl from the institute and despises himself for listening to me and breaking up with her. The son said that he would no longer listen to me and therefore would not marry just because I want grandchildren. It was the first time he treated me so cruelly. It turns out that I am to blame for his unhappy personal life? But how could I know that my son had true love then, and not youthful foolishness? I wished him happiness, and now he blames me. True, my son says that he himself is to blame, because he listened to me and not his heart, but I know that he blames me, I feel it! What should I do now? If I don’t have grandchildren, there will be no continuation of me on Earth. Well, did I live my life in vain? Maybe someone has been in a similar situation and can tell me how to bring my son to reason?
OPINION OF A PSYCHOLOGIST
You took upon yourself the right to control your son's life and feelings under the pretext that you dedicated your life to him. But your “sacrifices” do not give you the right to do this. Often people dedicate their lives to others because their own is not working out for them. Now, under no circumstances should you try to influence your son in any way; he is tired of you constantly imposing on him options for how to live. Let him decide for himself.
Inna SHIFANOVA, author of family trainings.
I found my love in my neighbor's bed
“Two unsuccessful marriages and several even more unsuccessful novels for a long time discouraged me from starting a family,” says Ekaterina Petrovna. “For a year I tried not to even meet with my friends so that they wouldn’t pester me with offers of “let me introduce you.” But long-term loneliness greatly weakened my nervous system, I often began to cry and scream at people for no reason. And then I decided that I would start communicating with men, but I wouldn’t let them get close to my heart.
This tactic helped. My behavior somehow changed, and people began to gravitate towards me. New girlfriends appeared, and men proposed meetings. From a hunted, insecure woman waiting to meet the one and only, I turned into a free person simply enjoying life.
And it was during this period of my life that my love found me. This is the first time I truly love a man. A neighbor called me (her apartment is right next to mine) and asked me to sit with her son for an hour. I went to pick up the boy and saw Yura. He, as it turned out later, had been dropping by occasionally for tea for five years. We just looked at each other and understood everything. That same evening, Yura came to see me under some pretext, and since then we have almost never parted.
In such cases they say: “This is fate.” But what depresses me is that Yura went to my neighbor for many years and they had a close relationship. I can't stand this thought. And the neighbor, having learned about our closeness, began to plot intrigues - she shames me at every corner, calls me dirty names and even calls Yura and says nasty things about me. He doesn’t listen to her and is sure that their connection with the neighbor was just a guiding thread to me. He wants us to get married, but I'm afraid. It seems to me that everything happened somehow wrong, but I love him so much that I’m ready to just look at him for hours. Now, if we had just met on the street, then I wouldn’t have doubted it for a second. On the other hand, it’s not for nothing that they say: “Fate will find it on the stove.”
OPINION OF A PSYCHOLOGIST
If a woman has won a man away from her rival, this is a reason to take a serious look at him. How did his parents live, how did they treat their children? For example, if your loved one was raised by a single mother, he may change women too often in order to thus get rid of maternal dependence and not feel like henpecked. Then analyze your feelings. If our personal life does not work out for a long time, we can pay attention to the first person we meet due to the lack of love.
Inna SHIFANOVA, author of family trainings.
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