Sacrament of Baptism
Is it possible to refuse to be a godmother or godfather? First of all, it is necessary to understand the meaning of Baptism and the role of godparents. Baptism is not just a solemn rite, but a most important sacred rite, which is performed with the mysterious participation of the Lord Himself. That is why it is called the Church Sacrament.
Godparents with baby godson
In Orthodoxy there are also six other Sacraments: Eucharist (Communion), Confession, Unction, etc. However, one can participate in them and live a truly Christian life only by being a member of the Holy Church. And for this you need to be baptized. Thus, as priest Mikhail Pomazansky notes, Baptism
“serves as a door leading into the kingdom of grace, into the Church, and gives access to participation in other sacraments” (“Orthodox Dogmatic Theology”).
Is it possible to abandon a godson after baptism?
The responsibilities of godparents do not end with their presence in the temple during the sacrament. By agreeing to the proposal, the spiritual mentor is obliged to answer to God for the actions of the recipient. After the sacrament of Baptism, the recipient must:
- tell your godson about the church;
- teach the laws of Orthodoxy;
- teach to pray, read the Gospel;
- take the child to church for confession and communion;
- give vital, spiritual instructions.
The mentor's mission is to lead the child to God. You cannot stop being a godmother. The oath before God is pronounced for life.
The Meaning of Baptism
In the Sacrament of Baptism, a person renounces the power of the devil and sin. The believer declares his firm intention to join Christ. In confirmation of his commitment to Orthodoxy, the person being baptized reads the Creed, which sets out the main dogmas of the Church. The future Christian is symbolically immersed in water three times. It symbolizes overcoming spiritual death and being born into new life in Christ.
God goes to meet his child. The Lord cleanses the baptized person from all previous sins and imbues him with His love and power - grace. It sanctifies and saves a person, helps to lead a full spiritual life. Therefore, a Christian must try to preserve and increase the grace given. This will be helped by fulfilling God's Commandments, doing good deeds, attending divine services and participating in church Sacraments. Let us quote the words of Archpriest Vladimir Vorobyov:
“Baptism is not a magical rite that protects from illness, misfortune or gives earthly well-being. This is the birth of a person by water and spirit into a new life with God. And a person must choose this life consciously, himself.”
Baptism is usually combined with another Sacrament - Confirmation. The priest anoints the new member with holy oil, symbolizing the imposition of the seal of the Holy Spirit. The clergyman also cuts off a small lock of hair from the baptized person. In this way, a Christian symbolically testifies to his dedication to God and acceptance of His will.
Why are godparents needed?
In apostolic times, the question of whether one could refuse to be a godmother was not relevant. Only adults were baptized, having independently come to this decision. However, soon, when completely Christian families began to appear, the next problem arose. Young Christian children, due to their age, could not consciously become members of the Church. But believing parents could not allow their child to grow up outside the bosom of the Holy Church. Therefore, infants were also allowed to be baptized. But with the condition that each of them will have an adult baptized Christian guarantor.
Nowadays, guarantors are called godparents or godparents, since during the Sacrament they are the ones who receive the child from the hands of the priest. Also, the godparents, instead of the child, renounce Satan, declare devotion to Christ and read the Creed. Thus, from ancient times, the Church baptizes his recipients in the faith of a child who is not yet able to understand the meaning of the Sacrament.
Those who ask whether it is possible to refuse to baptize a child should know: godparents take upon themselves the spiritual upbringing of the child, because they have vouched for him before the Lord. Therefore, recipients are also called spiritual parents. They should not only pray for their godson all their lives, but also help him take his first steps towards God. Godparents must accustom the child to worship and participation in church Sacraments. And also instill a love of personal prayer and virtues (including by example). Saint John Chrysostom teaches:
“Those who have accepted the guarantee of virtue must show great care, convincing, advising, correcting, showing fatherly love” (“Handbook for a Clergyman”).
Related superstitions
The most common superstitions about godparents are:
- It is not recommended to call a person whose godson has died as a spiritual mentor. It is believed that a child can repeat the fate of the baby.
- A widow or widower cannot be taken as godparents - the child can copy their unfortunate fate.
- It is not advisable to invite a pregnant woman to become a godmother - there is a risk of giving away part of her vitality and losing her unborn baby.
- A boy cannot take an unmarried man as his godparent, and a girl cannot take an unmarried woman as his godparent. Spiritual mentors will take away happiness from the godson.
None of the above signs have evidence. Representatives of the clergy say that superstitions about godparents do not come true. If the blood parents still have any doubts, they need to talk to a clergyman. He will always give comprehensive answers to ambiguous questions.
Is it possible to refuse to be a godmother or father?
So, becoming a godfather means taking responsibility before God for the spiritual upbringing of a child. In this regard, only worthy, believing, church-going people can be recipients. According to church tradition, the presence of godparents is primarily mandatory for children who are under 14 years old at the time of baptism. Is it possible to refuse to be a godfather or mother? A person may ask this question for various reasons. Let us give the opinions of priests on this matter.
Archpriest Evgeniy Popichenko notes that if the physical parents of a child take the Sacrament of Baptism lightly, then they can politely refuse:
“It can be difficult for us to refuse people. But God must be pleased more than man. If parents are not initially ready to dedicate their child to Christ, if for them baptism is just a magical event, then why should a Christian participate in it?”
But what if the problem is not with the child’s physical parents, but with one’s own hesitation to take responsibility? Archpriests Andrei Efanov and Alexy Uminsky say that if a person does not find the strength within himself, then it is better to refuse the role of godfather. Father Andrey reminds:
“In any case, you can pray for the child and his parents, help them.”
Should I refuse to be a godfather?
Archpriest Fyodor Borodin approaches the problem of whether it is possible to refuse to be a godmother from a slightly different angle. He reminds us that most often we come to church as consumers: for forgiveness of sins, peace of conscience, etc. The priest considers the invitation to become a godfather as a response from God to work for Him. Father Fedor does not forbid refusing, but only encourages you to think and reminds:
“None of us are ever fully prepared for any service in the Church. But any such service, including the service of the godfather, is carried out with the help of God.”
Archpriest Vladimir Vorobyov cites as an example the story of a familiar missionary priest who, together with his students, visited the harsh regions of the Russian north. For some time they served in a local empty church. One day, a ten-year-old boy living nearby came to the missionaries and asked to be baptized. The child was from a dysfunctional family, grew up weak, but very smart. There was no godparent for him from the local residents. But thanks to the fact that one of the students who came with the priest volunteered to play the role of receiver, the Sacrament was still performed on the child. Having become a full-fledged member of the Church, the boy actively helped guests, served in the church, and learned to read Church Slavonic. Everyone noticed that the baptized child was spiritually transformed.
Father Vladimir asks a rhetorical question:
“Did this student do the right thing by agreeing to be a godfather? Of course, he will often not be able to travel there to the north, but he will pray for him and write letters. Was it really better to refuse? Not to baptize because there is no godfather? I would say so. You can refuse when your refusal does not entail a refusal of Baptism at all.”
So, the question “why can’t you refuse to baptize a child?” incorrect, because becoming a godfather or not is everyone’s personal matter. But this topic should be approached thoughtfully and prayerfully. You can also consult with your confessor. Archpriest Vladimir Vorobyov concludes:
“You need to pray to God, ask the Lord to help you feel in your heart what to do.”
“Every godfather can fill in his gaps in spiritual life - and begin to act”
Harry Knight
— How do you communicate with future godparents in your church?
— We have several options for educational conversations. The first is the minimum, without which we are not allowed to participate in the sacrament of Baptism. It consists of three conversations conducted by a catechist.
The second is the 14-15 conversations we have every Monday evening. Such courses - they are called “Discovery of Faith” - are held with us twice a year: from October to Christmas and from the end of January to the Easter period. At them, priests talk about the basics of faith, Orthodox rituals, and Christian culture. And it must be said that many of those who have been baptized for a long time and even participate in church life attend these courses with interest, because they feel a large number of gaps in their knowledge. We offer these courses to everyone, including godparents, and those who take their new role seriously and believe that three conversations are not enough for them, come to listen to them.
We also have Sunday conversations for adults. Most often they are visited by parents who bring their children to Sunday school, while they themselves listen to a lecture. But, of course, future godparents can too.
— You have been holding talks for godparents for many years. In your opinion, do the people who come to you change over time?
— The changes probably correspond to the general changes that are taking place among the people. On the one hand, there are still people who participate in baptism only because they were asked, but for the rest: “Leave me alone, what kind of nonsense did you come up with, 15 years ago I was a godfather, and nothing was required of me.” . And they are looking for a temple where these obligatory three conversations would not take place - such cynicism.
But, on the other hand, today there are many people who take the issue of baptism seriously, who understand that this is a ministry that imposes certain obligations on them, and who, I hope, will be good godparents.
And I must say, the questions that are asked to me have changed. More and more people are interested not in the ritual side of Orthodoxy, not in domes and bells, fasts and holidays - good things, but still secondary, external - but in the essence of the Christian faith. What is original sin? What does the fall of Adam and Eve have to do with me personally? What is the God-manhood of Jesus Christ? What is salvation? What is the Church? How does the holiness of the Church relate to what they sometimes see thanks to our sins. What are the sacraments, the Eucharist, the Body and Blood of Christ? These are all very serious questions, and the number of people asking them has increased significantly. They have a spiritual hunger, and we must try to satisfy it.
Prayers for admonition and the granting of God's help
Prayer of Saint John Chrysostom
Give, Lord, to my unworthiness the grace of understanding, so as to recognize what is pleasant for You, and what is useful for me, and not only recognize it, but also do it, so as not to get carried away and not cling to empty things, to have compassion for those who suffer and to be condescending to sinners.
Invoking the help of the Holy Spirit for every good deed
Troparion, Tone 4
O God, Creator and Creator of all things, the works of our hands, begun for Thy glory, hasten to correct them with Thy blessing, and deliver us from all evil, for one is all-powerful and Lover of mankind.
Kontakion, Voice 3
Quick to intercede and strong to help, present yourself to the grace of Thy power now, and having blessed, strengthened, and brought about the good work of Thy servants to accomplish the good work of Thy servants: for all that thou desirest, for the mighty God is able to do.
