The idea of creating a family belongs to God. Therefore, it is quite reasonable to assume that it is He who can explain to us the principle of family functioning and warn us in advance about those traps that can destroy it. The Lord has left us many instructions regarding the structure of the family and the roles that specific family members should fulfill. When these biblical principles are followed, the family experiences the blessings God wants to give it. If these principles are violated, the result is chaos and heartache.
The role of husband and wife
According to God's design, the family must conform to a certain structure. And because these boundaries bring stability to family life, Satan works hard to pervert God's original plan.
First, God determined that the husband should be the head of the family. This does not give the husband the right to selfishly rule over his wife and children. God has called husbands to love, protect, provide, and lead their families. God has determined that a wife should be submissive to her husband's leadership. This is clear from Scripture:
“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church, and He is the Savior of the body. But just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives are subject to their husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:22-24).
Husband is not spiritual
the head of his wife - this role is assigned to Jesus. Jesus is the spiritual head of the church, and a Christian wife is a part of the church just as much as her husband. However, in a family, the Christian husband is the head of his wife and children, and they must submit to the authority given to him by God.
To what extent should a wife submit to her husband? She must obey him in everything
as the Apostle Paul said. The only exception to the rule is if a husband requires his wife to disobey God's Word or do something that goes against her conscience. Naturally, no Christian husband will demand that his wife violate the Word of God or make a deal with her conscience. The husband is not the master of his wife—that place in her life belongs only to Jesus. And if she had to choose who to obey, she should choose Jesus.
Husbands must remember that God is not always on their side. One day God told Abraham to do as Sarah told him (see Gen. 21:10-12). Scripture also says that Abigail disobeyed her foolish husband Nabal and prevented the tragedy (see 1 Sam. 25:2-38).
MARRIAGE
Consider what the Bible says about marriage
. It is talked about in the 2nd chapter of Genesis, where we talk about man as a being different from the rest of the animal and plant world. Reproduction is not mentioned here - it is not denied, but fades into the background. Man is taken here not from the unconscious, instinctive side of his being, but as a bearer of consciousness and freedom.
The wife was created for Adam because “for him there was no helper like him” (Gen. 2:20). By the way, according to the biblical legend, there was no other, or “first,” wife of Adam, for whom they even came up with a name - Lilith, which ancient Christian writers also wrote about: “Adam was the only husband of Eve, and Eve was his only wife...” ( Tertullian 1994, p.334).
So, the wife is created as an assistant to her husband, but what is the wife’s help to her husband? The word “helper” used in the Russian and Slavic translation conveys the idea of help in the labors that God has entrusted to the husband (Gen. 2:15), and the usual understanding of it is as follows. However, the word “helper,” as well as the corresponding words in the translation of the seventy and in the Vulgate, do not accurately convey the meaning of the Hebrew original. A literal, accurate translation would be: “Let us create for him a replenisher who will be before him.” Thus, here we are not talking about replenishment in work, but about replenishment in being itself, for the Bible does not say: “it is not good for a man to work alone,” but says: “it is not good for a man to be
alone;
does not say: “who would work with him,” but says: “who would be
in front of him” (Troitsky. 1995, pp. 82-83).
Through this we come to the second
the most important,
spiritual and moral
side of marriage: “The marriage union, according to its original establishment, confirmed by Christ the Savior, and according to its purpose, is not only a carnal union, but mainly a moral union, blessed by God, having high religious and moral goals, and imposing corresponding responsibilities on its members. This union was to remain so for all time. But with the Fall, as a result of which human nature fell under the dominance of sensuality and coarse self-love, deviations from the law of marriage established by God occurred. It can be said that in marriage and family life in particular, the deepest damage and humiliation of a person was manifested, combined with the humiliation and reduction of a woman in the family to the position of a concubine, a slave and just a thing” (Malinovsky. 1909, p. 371).
Thus, childbearing is not the main
the purpose of marriage: “it aims to unite individuals of different sexes, to compensate for the natural one-sidedness of one of them with what is in the other, and to promote their spiritual improvement and unification in life together” (ibid., p. 369).
Or in other words: “Mutual assistance in the matter of comprehensive improvement of two persons of different sexes - this is ... the first goal of marriage according to the word of God” (ibid.). Spiritual personal communication in marriage should and can reach such a degree that the unfaithful husband is sanctified in regard to his faithful wife, and the unfaithful wife is sanctified in regard to her faithful husband
(1 Cor. 7:14). It is in marriage, more than anywhere else, that the spiritual, moral and psychological-personal aspects are close: “the closer men who marry are to the moral standards that the Church has established, the more strictly they observe these standards, the greater their chances of that their life together in marriage will truly become that sacrament, that daily holiday, which is what a Christian marriage should be” (Ilarion (Alfeev) bishop 2003, p. 31). Marriage and family thus become the joint path of husband and wife to God. The family becomes a small church (in the words of St. John Chrysostom), a school of love and a school of virtues, in which all family members learn to fight passions and acquire virtues, the main of which is Christian love.
Christian marital love is a spiritual feat and has nothing in common with that “free love” that supposedly should replace the “outdated” institution of marriage (Troitsky. 1995, p. 111).
Achieving the spiritual goal of Christian marriage, of course, is simply impossible through human efforts alone. Therefore, special grace-filled help is involved here through the separate sacrament of marriage.
In it, God himself helps Christians intending to get married: “That they may realize the law of marriage in its true essence and achieve the gracious purposes of marriage. and to protect the marriage union from the influences of sin, distortion and abuse, He deigned to sanctify it with a special gift of grace, imparted to the spouses through a special sacred rite, called the sacrament of marriage, marriage...” (Malinovsky. 1909, p. 373).
God's Word to Husbands
God says to husbands:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her... So husbands should love their wives as their own bodies: he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and warms it, just as the Lord does the Church, because we are members of His body... of His flesh and of His bones. So let each of you love his wife as himself; but let the wife fear her husband” (Eph. 5:25, 28-30, 33).
Husbands are commanded to love their wives just as Christ loves the church. This is a great responsibility! Any wife will happily submit to someone who loves her as much as Christ did, who gave his life out of love. Husbands are to love the women with whom they are one flesh (Eph. 5:31), just as Christ loves his body-church. If a Christian husband truly loves his wife, he will provide for her, care for her, respect her, help her, comfort her, and spend time with her. If a husband does not show love to his wife, he risks not having his prayers answered:
“In the same way, husbands, treat your wives wisely, as with the weakest vessel, showing them honor, as joint heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”
(1 Pet. 3:7).
Of course, there was not a single marriage in which there were no conflicts and disputes. But through dedication and developing the fruit of the spirit in our lives, husband and wife can learn to live in harmony and move from blessing to blessing in their Christian marriage. Through the inevitable challenges that arise in every marriage, each partner can learn and grow in Christlikeness.
For further study of the responsibilities of husbands and wives, see Gen. 2:15-25; Proverbs 19:13; 21:9, 19; 27:15-16; 31:10-31; 1 Cor. 11:3; 13:1-8; Col. 3:18-19; 1 Tim. 3:4-5; Titus 2:3-5; 1 Pet. 3:1-7.
CHILDREN
The most important goal of Christian marriage is a blessed birth
and the multiplication of children for the kingdom of God, into which all people or the entire human race are called from the beginning, the fulfillment of the Creator’s intention and care for the continuation of the human race, and not just the simple satisfaction of sensual desires (Malinovsky. 1909, p. 370).
According to the Bible, childbearing
is God’s commandment: “And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them, and God said to them: Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth” (Genesis 1: 27-28 ). From the above evidence it is clear that “the first husband and wife at the very beginning were blessed by God precisely to produce from themselves those like themselves, and thus, multiplying themselves through them and in their faces, to fill the whole earth with themselves and dominate it, the means for which reproduction was their married life and the birth of others like themselves” (Sylvester (Malevansky). T. 3. 1898, pp. 269-270). To assume, therefore, that God, who could have come up with many ways for the reproduction of people on earth, at first had no intention of using marriage as a means for this purpose, and that only after and as a result of the fall of the first people, he settled on such a means, would mean would be “totally arbitrarily remove the direct thought of scripture about the marriage union as a divinely instituted and sacred union” (ibid., p. 270). Of the ancient church fathers, only Gregory of Nyssa made a similar assumption, which may be due to his rather negative attitude towards marriage in general. So, for example, in his work “On Virginity” he wrote: “It seems to me, according to the highest and true understanding, that all evil in life, seen in all deeds and activities, cannot have any power over human life, unless someone himself submits to the bondage of marriage life" (Gregory of Nyssa. Part 7. 1865, p. 306).
God's blessing on childbearing
(Gen. 1:28) remained in force even after the expulsion of the first parents from paradise, although it was burdened for the wife with illness during the birth of children (Gen. 3:16). Therefore, marriage leading to childbearing was among the pagans the only channel through which the grace of God was poured out on sinful humanity (Troitsky. 1995, p. 101). It is not surprising that many peoples had a special, positive attitude towards marriage, the conclusion of which, because of this, was often not secular, but religious in nature (ibid., p. 98). Moreover, this also applies to Christianity: “You need to think and feel about the law of childbearing purely, reverently and gratefully before the Holy and Wise Creator and not think about it selfishly, basely and lustfully...” (John of Kronstadt. 1997, p. 108).
On the other hand, there is no need to sacralize reproduction as such, to turn it into something sacred and religious, as many pagan religions did (with the creation of corresponding cult practices). From the point of view of Christian anthropology, it has a very definite place: “Biblical anthropology teaches that there are two areas in man. The center of one is the heart, the center of the other is the womb. The first is the area of consciousness and freedom, and therefore the area of moral responsibility. The second is the area of unconscious, instinctive, plant and animal life, and therefore it is free from moral responsibility... And reproduction, from a biblical point of view, does not belong to the area of the heart, but to the area of the womb. Reproduction, in essence, is the same process as nutrition” (Troitsky. 1995, p. 81).
God's blessing for reproduction
given along with the blessing for food: “And God blessed them, and God said to them: Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth. And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb yielding seed that is on all the earth, and every tree that has fruit yielding seed; This will be food for you” (Genesis 1:28-29).
Sex within marriage
God created sexual relations for pleasure and procreation. However, the Bible is clear that sexual relations should only take place within a lifelong marriage covenant.
Sexual relations occurring outside of marriage are fornication or adultery. The Apostle Paul said that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God (see 1 Cor. 6:9-11). Although a Christian may be tempted to fall into the sin of fornication or adultery, he will feel a strong conviction in his spirit, which will move him to repentance.
Paul gives specific instructions regarding the responsibility of husband and wife in the area of sexual relations:
"But, in order to avoid
fornication, each one have his own wife, and each one have his own husband.
The husband show his wife due favor; likewise is a wife to her husband. The wife has no power over her body, but the husband does; Likewise, the husband has no power over his body, but the wife does. Do not deviate from each other, except by consent, for a time, to practice fasting and prayer, and then
be together again, so that Satan does not tempt you with your intemperance” (1 Cor. 7:2-5).
This scripture clearly states that sexual relations should not be presented by husband or wife as a reward to be “earned,” because neither husband nor wife has authority over their own body.
Sex is a God-given gift and there is nothing sinful or unholy about it as long as it stays within the family. Paul teaches married Christians to be committed to sexual relationships. In the book of Proverbs we find the following advice for Christian husbands:
“May your source be blessed; and take comfort in the wife of your youth, the dear doe and the beautiful brimstone: let her breasts make you drunk at all times; delight in her love constantly” (Prov. 5:18-19).[1]
In order for a Christian family to have mutually satisfying sexual relationships, husband and wife must understand the essential difference between the sexual nature of a man and a woman. A man's sexual nature is more physical in nature, while a woman's sexual nature is more related to her emotional world. Men are aroused visually (Matt. 5:28), while women are aroused by interaction and touch (1 Cor. 7:1). A man is attracted to a woman who is attractive to her, while a woman's admiration for a man involves more than just physical attractiveness. Therefore, wise wives always try to look their best in order to please their husbands. And wise husbands show their wives love through hugs, care, and tenderness throughout the day, rather than expecting them to instantly “turn on” in the evenings.
A man's sexual desire increases as his semen accumulates, while a woman's sexual desire changes with her menstrual cycle. Men can experience orgasm within a few seconds or minutes, while women take much longer. A man may be ready for sexual relations instantly, while a woman may take up to half an hour. Therefore, wise husbands spend time on foreplay, kissing, and stimulating certain areas of her body to prepare her for sexual relations. If the husband does not know that
his wife likes it, he should ask her. In addition, the husband must remember that while he may only have one orgasm, the wife may have several orgasms. The husband must ensure that his wife gets what she wants.
Husband and wife should talk openly about their needs in order to understand the differences in each other's natures. Over the course of months and years of communication, discovery and practice, the quality of the sexual relationship between husband and wife should increase.
Russian Orthodox Church
Report by the Chairman of the Department for External Church Relations of the Moscow Patriarchate, Metropolitan Hilarion of Volokolamsk, at the conference “Orthodox and Catholics together in defense of the family.”
Your Eminence Archbishop Vincenzo Paglia! Dear fathers, brothers and sisters!
I warmly welcome all of you who have gathered today in Rome to reflect together on how to preserve and transmit to future generations the Christian understanding of family and marriage. This topic is relevant not only for Orthodox and Catholics, but also for Christians of other faiths, since the family is the most important pillar of the harmonious development of society and the fundamental basis of the life of any people.
In the modern world, processes are taking place as a result of which the family as a social institution is under threat of collapse and degeneration. To give a convincing response to the challenges of a secular worldview, we Christians must rely, first of all, on the Holy Scriptures and the experience of the Church.
In the biblical understanding, marriage and family represent the original form of collective, “conciliar” existence, to which a person is called by the Creator Himself. A person’s life is not limited to the narrow confines of individual existence: a person is fully realized as a person not on his own, but in spiritual communion with God and his neighbor.
The theme of the union of love between a man and a woman is one of the most important themes of biblical evangelism. In the Book of Genesis, the Lord Himself gives an extremely clear definition of family: “A man will leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife; and the two will become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). These words serve as the basis for theological teaching on family and marriage.
In the Holy Scriptures we read how, at the most dramatic moments in history, the Lord warned against the weakening of family and brotherly ties caused by doubt, selfishness, or hardness of heart. Since the time of Cain and Abel, when love becomes scarce and family ties disintegrate, enmity and sin inevitably lead to murder, wars and numerous disasters. In the Sinai desert, so that the people would not perish in their iniquities, the Lord hands the prophet Moses the tablets of the Covenant with commandments, some of which concern the fundamental principles of family life.
The people also preserved in their memory positive examples from the lives of the patriarchs: in the name of family ties, Abraham did not part with Lot at the decisive moment, Jacob reconciled with Esau, Joseph forgave his brothers. Healthy family relationships connect people with bonds of loyalty, honor, sincerity, mutual assistance and understanding. The family becomes that “nest” (Prov. 27:8), in which a person, surrounded by brothers, rises from strength to strength and receives the very first lessons of how to distinguish between good and evil. This is why the Old Testament language often uses the image of a house to describe peace and prosperity. And in the New Testament parable of the prodigal son, the father’s house becomes a prototype of the house of God. Let us also note that the Old Testament prophets often resort to the metaphor of family to designate a separate tribe or the entire people as a single whole, referring to the “house of Israel”, “house of Judah”, etc. (Jer. 31:31).
The biblical family consists of a man, a woman and their children. She becomes a living cell of a tribe, a people and, ultimately, that one family, the true Father of which is God, who created all humanity in the person of Adam and Eve. An earthly father gives birth only according to the flesh, while the Father of all people in the fullest and absolute meaning of the word is the Lord Himself.
The New Testament emphasizes with particular force the spiritual dimension of family life. In this, Christianity differs significantly from other religious, philosophical and political movements that advocate the ideals of equality and brotherhood. The Church of Christ does not so much proclaim these ideals as demonstrate as a tangible reality true brotherhood, possible only in God the Son, through whom God the Father adopts us to Himself (Gal 4:5-7; Rom 8:14-17; Eph 1:5).
Archpriest John Meyendorff defines the essence of Christian marriage this way: “A Christian is called - already in this world - to have the experience of a new life, to become a citizen of the Kingdom; and this is possible for him in marriage. Thus, marriage ceases to be merely a gratification of temporary natural impulses... Marriage is a unique union of two beings in love, two beings who can transcend their own human nature and be united not only to each other, but also in Christ.”
A family in the Christian understanding is a union of a man and a woman, based not simply on mutual attraction, passion or common interests, but on the desire to live together and be a “domestic church” (Col 4:15). “Where husband, wife, and children are united in harmony and love by the bonds of virtue, there is Christ in the midst,” writes St. John Chrysostom. (On the Book of Genesis. Homily VII). To create a truly Christian family, family ties alone are not enough; the family is called to become a “small church,” a living icon of eternal love, in which the commandments of God are stored and passed on from generation to generation. It is not for nothing that the Kingdom of Heaven is so often compared in the Gospels to a marriage, to a wedding feast, in which the aspirations of the Old Testament prophets about the new and eternal covenant of God with His people are fulfilled.
The rapid changes taking place in the modern world pose serious challenges to the spiritual well-being of the family. The dominance of individualism, consumer and hedonistic psychology contributes to an increase in the number of divorces, a fall in the birth rate, an increase in conflict in family relationships and a breakdown in ties between generations. So-called “partnership relations” have become a widespread form of replacing family values with the mercantile interests of the parties. Various forms of extramarital cohabitation without mutual obligations are becoming increasingly widespread, striking a blow to the moral integrity of the individual and distorting the very concept of family.
An extreme expression of the crisis are attempts to equate homosexual unions with marriage and grant same-sex couples the right to adopt and raise children. The law transforms the child from a subject of law into an object of law - into an object that everyone can now possess. This is a fundamentally new view of the child not as a “fruit of love”, but as an object of satisfaction of needs available to any “couple”. This approach cannot but raise serious concerns, along with concerns for the development and mental health of children adopted by same-sex “parents.”
Any legislation is based on certain moral premises, on the idea of what is good and what is evil, what is moral and what is immoral. The ideologization of human consciousness and the imposition of new moral principles on people certainly leads to changes in legislation. But if changes to legislation are made against the will of the majority, in favor of specific minorities lobbying their interests with the help of administrative resources, this is fraught with dangerous social cataclysms.
Lobbying for legislative initiatives that equate the traditional family with same-sex unions occurs today with the support of government authorities in a number of Western countries, against the will of the people, without serious and free discussions among specialists and without involving the general public.
Thus, in January of this year, French Minister of Education Vincent Peillon said that at school students must get rid of all forms of determinism - family, ethnic, social or intellectual. According to the instructions of the ministry he heads, from the new school year in French schools the words “boy” and “girl” will be replaced by the words “friends” and “children”[1].
Following the same logic, the French Constitutional Council on May 17, 2013 legalized same-sex unions, equating them to marriage. Regarding adoption, the Constitutional Council emphasized that the law recognizes such a right in principle, but this does not mean that all same-sex couples are guaranteed to receive this right, since each adoption case is considered individually and the decision is always made based on the interests of the child[2].
After President Francois Hollande signed the corresponding bill, mass demonstrations took place in France, attracting more than a million participants. France has not seen such protests for almost thirty years, since on June 24, 1984, two million people took to the streets in Paris to speak out against the law on the inclusion of private schools (mostly Catholic) in the general state educational system. From the end of 2012 to May 2013, three peaceful demonstrations in support of the family took place in Paris. The government responded to them as if they were dealing with acts of violence: the police used tear gas and physical force against these peaceful gatherings of people. Thousands of demonstrators were detained and arrested[3].
US law places family law under state jurisdiction, so the issue of legalizing same-sex unions in the US is entirely up to state governments. Passed in 1996, the federal Defense of Marriage Act defines marriage as the union of a man and a woman and allows states not to recognize same-sex unions entered into in other states or nations. On June 26, 2013, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that Part 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act, which meant same-sex unions were recognized by the U.S. federal government, was unconstitutional. As of October 21, 2013, same-sex unions are registered as marriages in fourteen out of fifty states and the District of Columbia.[4] Another six states have legalized other forms of same-sex unions, with rights varying by state. At the moment, about 2 million children are being raised by same-sex cohabitants, mainly from previous heterosexual marriages.
In the summer of 2013, the Parliamentary Assembly of the Council of Europe adopted a resolution on the report “Overcoming discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity” with a call on politicians and other public figures to “establish relations of dialogue and trust with LGBT communities also through participation in gay pride parades,” refrain from homophobic and transphobic speech and publicly condemn it.”[5] PACE condemned the bill “On the promotion of non-traditional sexual relations among minors”, unanimously approved by the State Duma of the Russian Federation, which came into force on June 30, 2013 after it was signed by the President of Russia. This law, designed to protect children from homosexual propaganda, is a necessary measure aimed at maintaining balance in society, since we see from the example of Europe that there is a real threat of dictatorship in the field of norms of sexual behavior and gender identification.
It is often said that allegedly non-traditional sexual orientation is determined genetically. This thesis remains controversial because the scientific community has not reached a consensus regarding the biological or social determination of sexual orientation. However, the Christian approach distinguishes sexual orientation from specific forms of sexual behavior that are contrary to biblical ethics. Moral values lie on a different plane than scientific hypotheses: the attitude towards a particular way of life and behavior should be formed precisely by the values that a person shares, but not by the scientific justification of this subject. For example, there is an opinion among scientists that the so-called dissocial personality disorder, characterized by ignoring social norms, impulsiveness, and aggressiveness, is of a genetic nature. However, the scientific justification of the biological determinism of an individual’s antisocial behavior cannot serve as a guide for society to recognize the behavior of such an individual as morally acceptable.
From a Christian point of view, human nature is fallen, prone to sin. A person's attraction to people of the same sex is viewed from a Christian perspective as an ailment that requires healing. The Church approaches people of non-traditional sexual orientation with pastoral responsibility, having at its disposal a rich arsenal of means for spiritual assistance to such people. But she strongly opposes sinful behavior becoming the norm. In this understanding, Orthodox and Catholics are united, based on the testimony of Holy Scripture, which does not recognize any other forms of marriage other than the union of love between a man and a woman.
In recent years, Europe has seen a deliberate dismantling of values rooted in the Christian tradition. We are talking not only about the expulsion of Christian symbols from public space, about the ban on Christian holidays, about the desire to drive religion into a ghetto and declare it a purely private matter. We are talking about the destruction of precisely the value system on which the life of all civilized humanity has been built for centuries. One of these fundamental values, the meaning of which is completely rethought today, is family.
Various forms of exploitation of human sexuality are now legalized by the “civilization of consumption” and have an influential lobby in the parliamentary and governmental structures of many countries around the world. “Sexual freedom” leads to the enslavement of man by animal instincts, and we are experiencing times of legalization of the totalitarianism of instinct. Pornography has become perhaps the most profitable business. According to experts, at least two million minors are involved in the production of pornographic products.
Before our eyes, such fundamental values of human existence as truth, freedom, brotherhood are being reduced to the level of relative concepts into which anyone can put any content they want. At the vanity fair, it is moral values that are most quickly devalued. And the tragic irony is that as a result of general revaluation, not only the values established by God are devalued, but also man himself.
The legislation of many Western countries today supports the forces that are destroying the traditional family, perhaps not least because the spiritual well-being of the person within the family is slipping beyond the control of external forces. For the same reason, instead of maintaining culture and improving the quality of education, preference is given to the development of social networks and the entertainment industry. Globalization is aimed, first of all, at reducing the cultural level of man and at ensuring that, in the process of social mutations, entire nations turn into a monotonous mass of consumers. Stereotypes of mass culture and fashion clone a type of consciousness in which there is no place left for either family ideals or genuine spiritual values.
Against the backdrop of an unprecedented revival of religious life taking place in a number of countries in Eastern Europe, we see how in the West, despite external prosperity, society is rapidly de-Christianizing, churches are emptying, priests are aging, and young people are not taking their place. But God is not mocked (Gal. 6:7). The very presence of Christians in the world testifies that the voice of God's truth is stronger than godless propaganda. And this voice remains in demand. In modern society, the Church is the only social institution that is not subject to crisis and does not lose the trust of people, because it builds its existence on the basis of brotherly love and selfless service to people. Christians who, despite all the temptations of the modern world, remain convinced believers, know what they live for. This is a huge privilege. And every Christian who fulfills the Gospel commandment of love testifies to God in the very way of his life, the qualities of his personality, and the foundations of his life.
Many young people think about the place of marriage in their own lives and want to create a full-fledged family. They need an antidote to the propaganda of depravity, a firm and consistent guide to a healthy family life. And they are looking for role models. If they don't find them in the Church, in Christian families, they won't find them anywhere else.
In this situation, our responsibility is very great. It is necessary to inspire young people and orient them to follow the biblical ideals of marriage and family. This must be done by all available means - through preaching in churches, through appearances in the media, through works of art, through school programs and the education system as a whole. For all of us, Orthodox and Catholics, the time has come to stand with a united front in defense of the family and with common efforts to resist the pernicious trends of moral relativism in the word of truth, in the power of God, with the weapon of truth in the right and left hand (2 Cor. 6:7).
[1] “Representative of the Russian Orthodox Church: legalization of non-traditional families is a fashionable utopia,” RIA Novosti https://ria.ru/interview/20130705/947796599.html
[2] "France's same-sex marriage law enters into force." BBC Russian service. https://www.bbc.co.uk/russian/international/2013/05/130517_france_gay_marriages.shtml
[3] “The Russian Orthodox Church approved the PACE decision to investigate the dispersal of a peaceful demonstration against same-sex marriage in Paris” https://www.newsru.com/religy/02jul2013/pase.html
[4] Defining Marriage: Defense of Marriage Acts and Same-Sex Marriage Laws. National Conference of State Legislatures. https://www.ncsl.org/research/human-services/same-sex-marriage-overview.aspx
[5]
DECR Communications Service/ Patriarchia.ru
Children in a Christian family
Children must be taught complete submission and obedience to their Christian parents. If they obey, children are promised long life and blessings:
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is what is required.
justice. Honor your father and mother; this is the first commandment with a promise: that it may go well with you, and that you may live long on the earth” (Eph. 6:1-3).
Christian fathers, as heads of families, have the primary responsibility for raising children:
“And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).
Notice that a father's responsibility consists of two elements: to train his children in learning
and in
the instruction
of the Lord.
Punishing children
An ill-mannered and undisciplined child grows up to be selfish and rebellious. Children should be punished whenever they boldly violate the sound rules set by their parents. But children should not be punished for mistakes or childish irresponsibility. At the same time, it is necessary that they taste the consequences of their mistakes and irresponsibility. This will prepare them for adulthood.
Young children should be spanked, as the Word of God says. Naturally, this does not apply to babies. But this does not mean that babies should be indulged in everything. Almost from the day they are born, it should be clear to them that power in the house belongs to the father and mother. From a very young age, they must learn that the word “no” is intended to stop them from doing or planning to do. Once they've learned what "no" means, a gentle smack on the bottom will help them take the word more seriously if they miss it. If parents are consistent in raising their children, they will learn to be obedient from an early age.
You cannot immediately give children everything they want, even if they cry. Otherwise, children understand that in order to achieve something from their parents, they need to shed tears. If parents instantly satisfy children's desires, accompanied by whims and hysterics, then children understand that this is exactly how they need to behave in order to get what they want.
The punishment should not be cruel or traumatic, but it should still be painful enough to make the naughty child cry for a while. Thus, the child learns to identify disobedience with pain. Here's what the Bible says:
“Whoever spares his rod hates his son; and whoever loves punishes him from childhood... Stupidity has become attached to the heart of a young man, but the rod of correction will remove it from him... Do not leave a young man without punishment: if you punish him with a rod, he will not die; you will punish him with the rod and save his soul from hell...The rod and reproof give wisdom; but a child left neglected brings shame to his mother” (Prov. 13:24; 22:15; 23:13-14; 29:15).
When establishing rules of conduct, there is no need to try to achieve obedience through threats. If a child openly disobeys, he should be spanked. When parents only threaten
and do nothing, the child learns impunity. As a result, he gets used to the fact that parents need to be obeyed only when the threat is made at a certain level of volume.
After punishing the child, you need to hug and talk to him so that he understands that his parents still love him.
Instruction
Christian parents should recognize their responsibility for disciplining their children. In the book of Proverbs. 22:6 says: “Train up a young man when he begins his way; he will not turn away from it when he is old.”
Discipline includes not only punishment for disobedience, but also reward for good behavior. Parents should consistently praise their children to encourage them to behave well and develop desirable character traits. Children need to be reminded often that their parents love and appreciate them. Parents convey love to their children through praise, hugs, kisses and time spent with them.
“Instruct” means “teach obedience.” Therefore, Christian parents should not leave their children a choice whether to go to church or not, whether to pray every day or not, etc. Children are not yet responsible enough to understand what is good and what is bad for them, so God gave them parents. God promises parents who put effort and energy into rightly training their children that their sons and daughters will not stray from the right path even when they are old (see Proverbs 22:6).
As children grow older, they need to be given more responsibility. The goal of a parent is to gradually prepare the child for a responsible adult life. Also, as they grow older, the child should be given more freedom in making decisions. But the teenager must understand that responsibility for the decisions he makes will rest with him, and his parents will not always save him from problematic situations in which he finds himself.
Parental Responsibility for Instruction
Ephesians 6:4 says fathers are to teach and instruct
your children in the Lord. Instruction in biblical morals, Christian character, and theology is the responsibility of the fathers, not the church. Parents who place the responsibility for instruction in the Lord on the shoulders of Sunday school are making a very serious mistake. God commanded Israel through Moses:
“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. And instill them in your children
and talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up” (Deut. 6:6-7).
Christian parents should teach their children from a very young age about who God is and how much He loves them. Children should know the story of Jesus' birth, life, death and resurrection. Many children are able to understand the gospel message at the age of five or six and make their own decision to serve the Lord. Then (at the age of six or seven years, and sometimes earlier) they can receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit with the sign of speaking in other tongues. Of course, there are no strict limits, because each child is individual. A Christian parent should make the spiritual instruction of his children his highest priority.
How to love your children
1) Do not provoke your children (see Eph. 6:4).
You can't expect children to act like adults. If you demand too much from them, they will stop trying to please you, knowing that this is impossible.
2) Don't compare your children to other children.
Let them know how much you appreciate their unique qualities and God's gifts.
3) Give them instructions,
concerning housework. This way they will know that they are an important part of the family. The feeling of completing a task builds self-esteem in children.
4) Spend time with your children.
This is how you show them that they are important to you. You cannot replace personal communication with the purchase of material things. Children are most influenced by those who spend time with them.
5) Try to say negative things with a positive attitude.
When my children were disobedient, I never told them they were “bad.” Instead, I told my son: “You’re a good boy, and good kids don’t do that!” (After that I punished him).
6) Understand that the word “no” means “I care about your welfare.”
When children are allowed everything, they subconsciously believe that you don’t care because you don’t limit them in anything.
7) Children imitate you.
Children learn from the example of their parents. A wise parent will never tell his child: “Do as I told you, and not as I do.”
You cannot save your children from all problematic situations.
Your job is to remove what makes them fall, but don't widen the narrow path.
9) Serve the Lord with all your heart.
I noticed that children of “lukewarm” parents very rarely serve the Lord when they grow up. Believing children of atheists and children of dedicated Christians usually serve God faithfully.
10) Teach your children the word of God.
Parents often give priority to the secular education of their children, but forget about the most important education - the Bible.
SACRAMENT OF MARRIAGE
Thus, marriage is not only a human affair, but also an institution of God, sanctified by Him: “The Savior, being present at the marriage in Cana, exalted the marital union in accordance with His view of the human race. When the first wine became scarce, another wine was given, miraculously created from water. So in a natural marriage union, the relationship of the spouses, not being sinful by nature, but nevertheless devoid of grace, is transformed into grace-filled, sanctified by the sacrament, approaching the great Prototype - the union of Christ and the Church” (Avdeev. 2000, p. 249). Therefore, the attitude towards marriage in Christianity has always been positive, so Ap. Paul warned against hypocritical liars who “prohibit marriage and the eating of the things that God has created” (1 Tim. 4:3). According to the Apostle: “every creation of God is good, and nothing is reprehensible if it is received with thanksgiving because it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer” (1 Tim. 4:4-5); “Let everyone’s marriage be honorable and the bed undefiled; But God judges fornicators and adulterers” (Heb. 13:4). And as it was written in the Old Testament: “A house and property are an inheritance from parents, but a reasonable wife is from the Lord” (Prov. 19:14).
For more information about the sacrament of marriage, see: Part 2. – Psychology of the sacraments.
