Nowadays, we no longer think about the meaning of many wedding rituals. Meanwhile, engagement and betrothal are not only another opportunity to receive a ring as a gift, but also something more. We will tell you in the article what importance was attached to betrothal before, how it happens in modern society and what is the difference between betrothal and engagement.
So what is betrothal? This is a preliminary agreement for future marriage. At first glance, it may seem that this is the same as an engagement. However, it is not. To get engaged means to publicly announce your intention to get married in church . Engagement has nothing to do with religion.
How did the engagement stage go before?
Engagement is the putting on of rings for the bride and groom. In ancient times, wedding ceremonies were divided into several stages. Initially, civil betrothal appeared, which was carried out according to existing local traditions. The betrothal ceremony was performed solemnly, with the signing of a marriage contract.
The process was accompanied by the joining of hands of the newlyweds, the groom gave a ring. Since the 10th century, people have been engaged in church, accompanying this ceremony with appropriate prayers. However, for a long time this ceremony was carried out strictly separately from the wedding.
Since the 17th century, it has been believed that betrothal is the naming of young people as bride and groom. This ritual became a kind of test of the lovers’ fidelity, since they were no longer free, although they observed chastity before official marriage. Betrothal was separated from wedding by a certain time. This ceremony was attended only by close relatives, as well as the matchmaker and the matchmaker. From that day on, the newlyweds kept the rings and exchanged them only on the wedding day.
Nowadays, engagement and wedding take place on the same day, so it is imperative to choose the right rings for this event. Before the wedding, the newlyweds must register their relationship at the registry office and from there go to church for the wedding. In church, during the wedding, the newlyweds put on one more ring.
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Priest Stefan Domuschi, Candidate of Theology, Candidate of Philosophical Sciences, senior lecturer at the Department of Theology of the Moscow Theological Academy It would be worth thinking about the revival of such forgotten customs as betrothal, betrothal (an agreement that precedes the wedding in time): At the same time, it is hardly worth reviving engagement as a simply beautiful custom - to put on rings and take a vow of fidelity. The fact is that betrothal in church law is equivalent to marriage in terms of obligations. Therefore, each time the issue of engagement must be resolved individually. Today there are many difficulties with weddings, and if people are also offered engagement... The question arises: wouldn’t this be imposing “unbearable burdens” on people? Yulia Belousova, director of the Christian International Global Network office in Ukraine, pastor of the Dnepropetrovsk Christian Church Many people mistakenly believe that an engagement is almost like a marriage. 1. Engagement is a time of preparation for marriage and testing of feelings. In our ministry there have been engagements and disagreements. Of course, there were fewer disagreements, but they still existed. After all, it is during the wedding or wedding that you give the bride/groom a promise of fidelity for life, and not during the engagement. And if everything went wrong, and both or one believes that this was the wrong choice, it is better to stop the engagement now than, out of shame or an uncomfortable feeling, to continue something that no longer has a continuation. 2. Constant engagements and quarrels of the same person is a pathology! If you announce and break your engagement to different girls, this indicates impermanence and impulsiveness of feelings. Here you first need to understand yourself and take your time. Although engagement is a serious step, it is not marriage. Vasily Filat, pastor of the Baptist Church “Good News”, head of the association “Instruction in the Word” (Chisinau, Moldova) The Hebrew word “aras” from the Old Testament, translated into Russian as “betrothed,” means a commitment to marriage: to bind oneself with a promise to get married /marry. By the way, in English the word engagement is exactly what it is called: “engagement,” that is, obligation. An engaged or engaged man and woman are already considered husband and wife, BUT without the right to enter into intimate relationships before marriage. Here is one place from the Bible where the betrothed are spoken of as husband and wife: “If a young girl is betrothed to a husband, and someone meets her in a city and lies with her, then bring them both to the gates of that city and stone them. to death: a young woman because she did not shout in the city, and a man because he defamed his neighbor’s wife; and so destroy evil from among you” (Deut. 22:23-24). As you can see, the betrothed girl is called the wife of the one to whom she is betrothed, so this is a covenant similar to a marriage. When someone becomes engaged to someone, they commit themselves to marrying that person. Vitaly Voznyuk, pastor of the Emmanuel Church (Kiev, Ukraine) Regarding introduced in our church. You should ask your church about this. We do not recommend doing this; we want young people to maintain themselves in purity and holiness, because: 1. Young people after engagement are not legal husband and wife. Engagement does not give them the right to perform actions that bring them closer to each other physically. Our position is that from the moment of engagement to the moment of marriage, young people should get to know each other's soul, and not their body. 2. There is no guarantee that a person will not cross the line, being carried away, being in emotions that can flare up from the same kisses. Where is the guarantee that this will not end in bed? We recommend that young people undergo training and preparation for marriage, which is available in our church. If you really can’t wait, we recommend speeding up the wedding date. The difference between fornication and adultery is that fornication is an intimate relationship between people who did not enter into a family union. And adultery is when a person has already entered into a family union and cheats on his spouse. So fornication begins with passionate kisses. Dmitry Sheludko, pastor of the International Christian Center Awakening
Nikolay Ezhov, family consultant, pastor (Kremenchug, Ukraine) Engagement is a very important stage on the path to a strong and happy marriage. However, if this seems like a relic of the past to anyone, let it seem so. Harmony in relationships, like harmony in music, is timeless and fashionable. So, what is the actual essence of engagement? An engagement is a public declaration of seriousness in the relationship between a guy and a girl. What is important for young people to do before getting engaged: - Talk about it with a pastor or priest. - Be sure to get to know your parents and try to build good relationships with them. — It’s very good to go through some kind of educational seminars and trainings for family life. - Talk and discuss all important issues about future family life. Such as: children (do we want children, when, how many); money (what budget we plan to live on); friends (what kind of relationship, your friends should not negatively affect your marriage), etc. Engagement is not marriage. If you adhere to Biblical standards, remember that everyone's marriage should be honorable and the bed undefiled. This means that engagement is not a reason for cohabitation. Try to do everything beautifully and with dignity. Engagement suggests that you are preparing for the most exciting event - marriage. The engagement, in exceptional cases, can be terminated by decision of the two parties. If there are good reasons for this and, although it is painful, it is still better to end the engagement than divorce. There are no firm canons regarding the period of time in the engaged status, but common sense dictates that there should not be too little time between the engagement and the combination, i.e. less than a week is too long, more than a year or two is also not entirely clear. However, each case can be considered separately. Anna Lyanna-Monnier, public figure, consulting psychologist, motivational speaker in the field of personal development, relationships, psychology (Lausanne, Switzerland). She talked about the process of preparing for marriage and highlighted three areas that are relevant for those who are still single and for those who are already building a romantic relationship:
— preparation for marriage individually. To know yourself is to answer for yourself, in fact, a few simple but very important questions:
- Who am I? - what do I want? —What do I live for? — what are my main values in life? - what and in whom do I want to invest my life? — what do I want and what don’t I want? — what kind of people do I want to surround myself with, and what kind of people do I not?
It will take a lifetime to determine, that's true. But it's worth starting. And you need to determine this for yourself at this stage. Because you need to understand WHO YOU are now. And the development and dynamics of life in the process will, of course, make adjustments to the answers to these questions.
- preparation for marriage together, i.e. paired with.
What is joint training? This is when two people are dating and have not yet made a specific decision to get married or are not yet engaged, but understand that they want to build a relationship that will lead them to marriage. So, this stage does not yet mean meetings with consultants, this is not yet a set date for the wedding, but this is already a desire to try to build relationships and get to know each other better, in order to get married in the best version of the development of these relationships. I want to emphasize that the period of meeting is still a PERIOD OF CHOICE. This is the time when you think, look closely, study each other to understand whether you want to continue moving through life together.
- preparation for marriage the day before, i.e. meetings with counselors who are experts in marriage counseling and who will help the couple take a deeper look at the challenges that may arise in the marriage.
What is an engagement
All wedding events begin with the groom visiting the bride's home and having a gala dinner. After dinner, the groom voices the reason for his visit, even if everyone already knows for what purpose he visited the house. After a few phrases and a short story about himself, the groom kneels on one knee in front of the bride’s parents and solemnly asks for her hand in marriage. If both parties agree, then the young couple can safely announce their engagement.
Engagement signifies an agreement between young people about the desire to tie their fate. And the consent of the parents marks the beginning of pre-wedding preparations. The custom of vigorously celebrating an engagement came from the West in the same way as the tradition of getting down on one knee and proposing to the bride, giving her a ring.
The ancestors also had a celebration called matchmaking. After receiving the girl’s consent, from that moment on she was considered to be engaged. After this ceremony, the bride no longer worried about her future and calmly waited for the wedding.
How long can you be engaged?
It is worth considering that this period may vary and is not important. Just like with the age at which you can get engaged. Here everything depends only on the person. Some people only need two days to live a happy married life. And some, after getting engaged, live together for about five years and three days after the wedding they file for divorce.
Interesting to know! Many countries on our planet have different customs and traditions of engagement. For example, in Spain, after the engagement, no more than three months must pass before the wedding, otherwise the engagement is terminated. In Germany, lovers after engagement began to live in a civil marriage.
What is the difference between engagement and betrothal?
Many people are interested in the difference between engagement and betrothal, and how exactly these rituals take place. Betrothal plays a very important role in Orthodoxy, so some couples still consider it correct to remove the rings from their left hand and put them on their right. Many people confuse engagement and betrothal rituals. During the official engagement, the parents of the newlyweds, who have already met previously, must discuss financial issues.
Today, engagement can be held in a youth format, both at home and in a cafe or restaurant. During this ceremony, no official documents are signed. Usually the engagement is organized on the day the documents are submitted to the registry office, but it can be held at any other time.
Betrothal is a religious ceremony that must take place in a church in the presence of a priest. During the ceremony, a paper is signed regarding the couple’s new status, since certain obligations are imposed on them. This document has no official force.
What is church betrothal
Betrothal is a church ceremony that takes place in the presence of a priest, relatives and friends of the couple. During the engagement, the couple exchanges rings in the presence of responsible witnesses and officially declares their desire to become husband and wife.
This ritual does not obligate anyone at all; it is only a certain public demonstration of relationships. However, true believers attach great importance to church betrothal. Even if there was no formal betrothal, it can be present at the wedding, but in a much more abbreviated form. At the entrance to the church, the clergyman betroths the bride and groom.
Features of secular engagement
Many people are interested in how betrothal takes place and what exactly characterizes this ceremony. If people are not religious, then you can carry out the engagement the way you want, organize an additional holiday, during which the groom will give you a ring.
If a guy gives a girl a ring and proposes, then from that moment on the couple can consider themselves engaged. If there was no engagement, then you can symbolically exchange rings after the future newlyweds submit an application to the registry office.
The meaning of a wedding ring
The ring owes its appearance to the ancient Egyptian civilization of that period when art began to actively develop. Immediately after their first appearance, rings became a definite symbol of special status. They were worn by people who had power. Gradually, the decoration became a symbol of betrothal, and it was given by the groom to the bride at the time of marriage. Initially, the rings were made of metal, and then gradually the quality of the material changed. The Romans put the jewelry on the ring finger of their left hand, as they believed that a vein ran from this finger straight to the heart.
Christians also borrowed this ancient symbolism from the Romans. In the 4th century, Christians began to use this attribute as a symbol of marriage. The wedding ring must be worn on the ring finger of the right or left hand. And on the day of the official wedding, the decoration is removed before meeting the groom, in order to then put it on over the wedding one.
Event symbol
It is impossible to imagine any engagement without the main material attribute - a ring. When purchasing these symbols, price is not taken into account. The most important thing is that the ring serves as a reminder of the other half, personifies the tastes of the chosen one, and is dear to the soul and meaningful.
Some peoples, for whom this celebration is more significant than a wedding, have specific criteria for choosing rings.
So, in Great Britain the price of a ring cannot be lower than two months’ salary of the future husband. If the groom suddenly decides to go against tradition, the bride and her relatives will not understand this.
In the CIS countries there are no specific rules for choosing a ring, because in our country people get married at a fairly early age, and therefore a cheap ring is considered a completely normal gesture.
As you understand, engagement rings do not have to be made of precious metals and covered with diamonds. Usually the groom chooses the material that his bride likes.
For example, if she wears and loves silver, then a silver ring with some small stone would be a great solution.
You need to pay attention to the style of accessories that the lady already has
The most important thing is exclusivity and originality. Therefore, it is best to order a product from a talented jeweler who will suggest a lot of ideas for rings.
Another important point is to choose the right size. To avoid mistakes, a young man can take an existing ring and try it on.
As a last resort, you can secretly bring it to a jeweler, who will accurately determine which ring is needed for the lady of your heart. Another option is to ask the bride directly.
Find out how to become an ideal husband?
What are the nuances of wedding ceremonies?
By looking at the engagement photo, you can see exactly what this ceremony looks like. When carrying out it is necessary to take into account certain nuances. The marriage takes place in the registry office before the wedding, since many clergy refuse to perform the sacrament if the newlyweds do not provide official paper.
In addition, the wedding can be held within a certain period of time after the marriage is registered. Some couples get married already at a silver or gold wedding. The Church welcomes when people approach this process responsibly, even if it is several years after entering into an official marriage.
Story
The same cannot be said about engagement. Those interested can re-read Margaret Mitchell's famous novel “Gone with the Wind.” Having learned that her beloved Ashley Wilkes is marrying Melanie, the main character Scarlett consoles herself with the fact that all is not lost.
Ashley and Melanie's engagement had not even been announced yet (although all the surrounding planters already knew about it). But even the announcement of the engagement itself is not the end.
This is especially true for our time. Therefore, it is not a good idea to arrange an engagement party in order to tie your loved one to you while you yourself are in the army, on an internship abroad, or studying in America.
Author: Anna Gavrilenko
