Gestalt therapy is one of the most popular areas of psychology today. The concept of “gestalt” is familiar to most people as the ability to independently complete “suspended”, unfinished situations, for example, letting go of a grudge or getting rid of love addiction. But Gestalt therapy is a more comprehensive direction, and every person who cares about the quality of their life should learn about it.
In order to fully appreciate this direction of psychology, it is worth finding out how it arose, who its creator Fritz Perls was, the Gestaltist’s prayer, and how Gestalt therapy is useful for every person in everyday life.
History of the direction
Gestalt therapy was formed in the middle of the last century, becoming a kind of alternative to psychoanalysis. The latter deals primarily with unconscious psychological processes, the influence of the past on the present. Gestalt invites a person to take responsibility for all the feelings he experiences, bringing them to a more superficial, conscious level.
In a simplified sense, this direction can be perceived as a way of self-improvement and personal growth. But, nevertheless, Gestalt therapy is still a way to treat psychological problems.
A psychologist or psychotherapist helps a person establish contact with himself and better understand the motives of his desires and actions. Thus, a person gets the opportunity to influence the quality of his life, improving his mood and contacts with other people. The so-called Gestalt prayer, formulated by Perls, is of enormous importance for independent management of one’s life.
Gestalt psychology and gestalt therapy
People who are interested in the field of psychology and self-improvement often have a question: “Are Gestalt psychology and Gestalt therapy synonymous?”
The answer to this question is negative. The founder of Gestalt therapy, Perls, often admitted that he was very superficially familiar with Gestalt psychology, and his teaching is a kind of symbiosis of psychoanalysis, psychodrama and bioenergetics. The word “gestalt” was used in order to give the name sonority and solidity.
Gestalt Institute. Content.
Collection: Gestalt 1997
The materials were prepared under the general editorship of Daniil N. Khlomov, O.V. Nemirinsky, N.B. Kedrova. Illustrations by Denis N. Khlomov
James Kepner. Bodily process. Chapter 4. Translation by E. Tsvetkov. ——————- 2 Verna Van De Riet. A Gestalt therapist's view of shame and guilt. ———————12 Daniil Khlomov. Individual history of narcissism.———————————20 Irina Fedorus. Ideas of field theory and the dynamic concept of personality————-24 Elena Kaliteevskaya. Resources of creative imperfection.———————— 29 Oleg Nemirineky. Gestalt as freedom from the client.———————————-35 Oleg Silyavsky. Psychotherapy is the art of life.——————————————38 Konstantin Korolev. Clinical and Gestalt therapeutic analysis of the case of “itching”——45 Maria Andreeva O. Some problems of child theft.————————49 Alexander Mokhovikov. Suicidal behavior and the gestalt approach. ——————54 Maxim Petrov. My autobiography. ——————————————————59
FROM THE EDITOR Dear readers, colleagues and friends! The peculiarity of the past year in the Gestalt community is a very large amount of work. And this is very good on the one hand, because Gestalt therapy has ceased to be something exotic, overseas, a kind of bells and whistles for originals and aesthetes, but has become a normal, everyday thing that brings money and fame in exchange for energy and time. But this is also a little sad on the other hand, you understand why. This collection is devoted mainly to the problem of narcissism, which reflects to some extent the growth of self-respect in the Gestalt community. A few words about the authors: James Kepner is well known to our regular readers; we continue to publish fragments of his book “The Bodily Process”. Vernon Van De Riet is a senior Gestaltist at the Gestalt Institute of Los Angeles (GTILA) and a regular trainer at the GTILA Summer Intensive. The Moscow Gestalt Institute continues to develop the dynamic concept of personality in Gestalt (articles by Daniil Khlomov and Irina Fedorus) and the professional position of the therapist and therapeutic relationships (articles by Elena Kaliteevskaya, Oleg Nemirinsky and Oleg Silyavsky). The editors are pleased to welcome on the pages of the collection guests from Minsk (Konstantin Korolev) and Odessa (Alexander Mokhovikov), and Maria Andreeva, a graduate of MGI this year in 1998. As always, the collection is illustrated by Gestalt therapist Denis Khlomov. Most likely, this collection is the last and was published specifically for the 7th conference. Starting next year, the quarterly magazine “The World of Gestalt” will be published. We will be glad to meet you on the pages of the new magazine! Editorial.
Fritz Perls
Frederick (Fritz) Perls is a famous psychiatrist from Germany who published a work on the growth of the human personality, which later became the basis for Gestalt therapy. He later founded the Gestalt Institute in New York.
The book became the basis of his own approach to psychotherapy as a way to manage his life and unlock his inner potential. After the founding of Gestaltism, he devoted the rest of his life to its development, in particular, the Gestaltist’s prayer in the original was published in the 60s of the last century. Some of his works were published posthumously.
Gestaltist prayer original. You are you. And I am me. Gestalt prayer
We discussed here under the post “How to stay young?”
factors that help maintain youth. And the idea was voiced that one of these factors is the absence of stress. You know, I would paraphrase a little... THE ABILITY TO EXPERIENCE STRESS CORRECTLY. Because everyone experiences stress. But we treat them differently. Betrayed by your closest person? Have you gone through a breakup? Did your boss underestimate you? Did your family not understand? What is this? Did they not live up to our expectations? Should they? Were they born into this world to meet our expectations?
There is one existential formula that helps to survive this kind of stress. Survive the insult. It really works.
It is known as Gestalt prayer. There is such an interesting direction in psychotherapy - Gestalt therapy. The authorship of this prayer belongs to the founder of this direction, Fritz Perls, and this prayer is an important element of Gestalt therapy. The text of Perls's prayer is one of the first to be studied by young gestaltists.
I do my thing, and you do your thing. I do not live in this world to meet your expectations, and you do not live in this world to meet mine. You are you. And I am me. If we meet each other by chance, it's wonderful. And if not, so be it.
Say it out loud... A feeling of slight healing loneliness comes... reconciliation with this world... Every time a feeling of resentment overwhelms your heart, just remember these words...
You are you. And I am me...
In the original language, this thing sounds, of course, more beautiful... For those initiated into English:
I do my thing and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, And you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, If not, it can't be helped.
Prayer
The Gestaltist Frederick Perls's prayer is extremely popular. Its dignity lies in its simplicity and at the same time in its profound impact on the psychological state of a person. Psychologists call merging one of the main personal problems that causes resentment, disagreements and quarrels. That is, perceiving another person as a part of yourself interested in your own comfort, it is impossible to avoid claims and bad emotions.
The Gestalt prayer helps to draw a figurative boundary between oneself and society, to recognize each person’s right to live his own life, pursue his own interests and make informed choices without any pressure. At the same time, Perls insists that such separation enables the person himself to act within his own boundaries, without counting on others’ participation, help, or approval.
The absence of mutual claims and unreasonable expectations not only gives a person a sense of personal moral freedom, independence and inner strength, but also allows one to appreciate such a phenomenon as reciprocity. Gestaltist prayer transforms it from something that should and is expected into a wonderful and beautiful feeling that is worth appreciating and protecting.
What is the mechanism of action based on?
Any relationship is filled with illusions of expectations of actions, actions, and words of people in relation to each other. These hopes in the human mind are triggered by the mechanism of fusion, since people simultaneously try to be individuals, but want to be part of society.
As a result, everyone expects other people to feel and think like him. So a person wants to manipulate and influence others, without being interested in the need of the opposite side for this and the desire of the other to be in the place assigned to him.
In such a situation, an example would be the conflict between fathers and children. When they are growing up, when letting their children go for a walk, any parent hopes for prudence and wants the child to return early. On the part of the child, there is an expectation that the parent understands that he has matured and will leave him alone, thereby giving him freedom of personal life.
During such periods, the prayer of a gestaltist is simply necessary and will be the salvation of both parties. Then there will be no feeling of guilt and the accusatory demands of the parties will be erased.
When to use prayer?
The advantage of Gestaltism is that it can be used under any circumstances. By making Perls's lines the rule of life, you can achieve significant inner growth and emotional maturation. After all, understanding the autonomy of one’s personality and the independence of someone else is one of the most important indicators of a person’s spiritual maturity.
But Frederick's Gestaltist prayer can also be applied situationally. For example, during a strong quarrel or resentment towards another person. When a person feels that someone has not lived up to the expectations placed on him, these lines will allow him to calm down and return to a good mood.
The lines also work in reverse. They can be called a talisman against any kind of manipulation. When another person makes demands for which he has no legal basis, rid yourself of the feeling of shame and with a calm soul refuse to follow someone else's instructions.
Part two: Witness therapy.
Penny: I expect you to work. You expect me to work (laughs). I expect you to be interested in my interests. You expect me to forget about my interests.Psychology bookap
Fritz: Do you notice what a stupid, smug smile she has? Just open your eyes and ears.
Russ (Pause): I expect you to look out for my best interests. (Pause). I'm empty. (Pause). I expect you to communicate with me, but I do not expect myself to communicate with you. (Pause). Something like this (sighs).
Penny: I expect you to have some answers, and you expect me to have answers to everything.
Psychology bookap
Russ: I want you to have children. I want you to be a good mother.
Fritz: I can’t see from here whether you looked at her. Say it again while looking at her.
Russ: I want you to be a good mother... to me. (Laughs; laughter in the room). I assume you don't want to.
Psychology bookap
Penny: I know you're looking forward to it.
Russ: I expect you to give me hell about this sometimes. And I expect it to be this way until I stop wanting it; I look forward to your support in this regard.
Fritz: Let's work on this a little. Sit this mother you want to have - a wife-mother - on an empty chair and talk to her.
Psychology bookap
Russ: I want your support. I want your love. I want your guidance.
Fritz: Okay, now be her. Sit on her chair and give him everything he wants. Give him support, guidance, love, nurse him, give him breasts and stuff like that.
Russ (laughs, shakes head): That's not my role.
Psychology bookap
Fritz: Tell him that.
Russ: That's... that's not my role. It's hard to expect this from me. I…
Fritz: Fake it (laughter). I think you at least have an image of what you want. Many people carry their parents with them all the time. A person needs a mother and so on, even if he is sometimes fifty or sixty, and he does a lot to pretend to be a child. So be a mother. Give him what he wants. He…
Psychology bookap
Russ: I don't know how.
Fritz: Okay, change place. Tell your mother how to do it, tell this mother, your wife, what you want.
RUSS (pause, then he kicks the pad so it flies across the room; then goes to pick it up, comes back, sits down. Sighs, looks at the empty chair).
Psychology bookap
Fritz: How are you feeling now?
Russ: Anger. Anger.
Fritz: That doesn't sound angry. You don't seem Jewish (laughter). But tell that to your mother.
Psychology bookap
Russ: I'm angry at you. I want your love and attention, but I feel like I can't get it.
Fritz: Okay. Now again. Take that chair and give it love and attention. “Russ, I love you, I give you all the love and all the attention you want.”
Russ: (Pause) You... you know. I love you son. But you must be a man. You can't behave like this. You must stand on your own two feet. You must be the man in the family.
Psychology bookap
(Changes chair). Mommy, I'm not a man. I'm a little boy. I want what the little boy wants.
Fritz: Oh! This is where the past work with his dream comes in. (Approx. Transl. See further, in the section “Philosophy of the Obvious.”) He began in his dream with the same problem. The road that was supposed to support it. This, um, could be called more of an individual therapy, here we are talking about personal growth, here there is more that he could work with her. 0'okay, let's go back. Do you remember the Gestalt prayer? Can you read it again?
Penny (sighs): I need your help.
Psychology bookap
Fritz: No, honey, you probably need a new pair of ears. This is one of the cases of lack of ears. She's probably talking. And people who speak, for the most part, do not have ears. They expect other people to have ears, but they themselves are deaf. (To Russ) Do you remember the Gestalt prayer?
Russ: I remember the beginning.
Fritz: Tell her.
Psychology bookap
Russ: I am me. You are you. And I can’t remember anything else.
Fritz: Can you say that you don't want to remember?
Russ: No, I want to remember. Well... (pause)
Psychology bookap
Fritz: How are you feeling now?
Penny: I feel kind of dumb.
Fritz (to Russ): How do you feel about her not remembering?
Psychology bookap
Russ: She's not mute.
Fritz: When you don't remember, you're dumb. If she doesn't remember, she's not dumb.
Russ (laughs): She's too stressed right now.
Psychology bookap
Fritz: Mm-hmm.
Russ: And that doesn't help with recall. (Sighs, long pause).
Fritz: Maybe give it to him, treat him to chicken broth? (Laughter).
Psychology bookap
Russ (clears throat, pause): Um, I can't, I can't make any progress.
Fritz (Penny): You're looking at me. What do you want from me? As soon as I asked, your eyes left me. What's happening?
Penny: I... (laughs) it's okay" I can't see anything.
Fritz: So, we seem to have reached a dead end.
How to read a prayer?
There are no instructions on exactly how a Gestalt prayer should be read. You can repeat it several times out loud or silently during an emotionally difficult situation, you can say it in the morning or before bed, you can print it out and hang it above your desk.
But it is important to understand that the lines do not have any magical or magical effect. Having delved into the words once and accepted their meaning for himself, a person begins to use prayer as a principle of interaction with other people. Thus, productive and successful interpersonal relationships begin to be built.
I'm not here to fit in.
But why do these implicit expectations rob us of all common sense? Because the unconscious desire for intimacy is born in the pre-verbal period, before the child’s thought process becomes available - therefore, before common sense appears. Since this desire appears in deep childhood, our unconscious expectations overwhelm us in the most primitive, archaic form. They rule over us on a biological level, because the baby’s survival depends on whether the mother comes to his aid - whether she quenches his hunger, thirst, holds him close, etc. They rule over us on a psychological level, because we confuse different levels and replace one with another because intimacy becomes our obsession and we are ready to seek it at any level. Like a rat in a maze, we make our way through the tunnel in hopes of finding the cheese. However, unfortunately, we wander down the same tunnel (called relationship) again and again, even when we realize that there is no cheese there. Both inside and outside my office, I have heard many times: “I really want him/her to take care of me!” Thus, our desire for intimacy and protest against loneliness create a False Essence - False Self and shape our image of ourselves and how others see us.
