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And can the priest say: “You must”?
You meet a priest and hear: “Let’s come to an agreement right away. If you come to me, you come only to me.” And then it turns out that following his advice, you ruined your life. Archpriest Pavel Velikanov tells how to avoid becoming a victim of spiritual abuse.
Who saw the dream
If a man had a dream about a priest, and the dream was blissful and calm, and the priest’s behavior was impeccable, then your affairs will go uphill, success and luck will accompany you in any endeavors related to both personal relationships and professional activities.
A girl dreams of a priest, and the church setting is beautiful - signifies a long-term relationship, a meeting of a reliable friend, husband, or business partner. If the priest’s behavior is strange, then you should be wary of gossip and unpleasant situations.
If a priest fell in love with a young lady in a dream, then you should expect troubles and disappointments. Perhaps intrigues are being prepared for you that could tarnish your reputation without any reason.
A woman dreams of a priest in a traditional church setting; he behaves in an appropriate manner - to success in all matters that are planned.
A church in a woman’s dream signifies a desire to become spiritually enriched and find one’s true purpose, and a priest in a church setting is a symbol of new goals and moral aspirations.
But if his behavior is strange, and he looks angry and upset, then take a closer look at your immediate environment. You are surrounded by imaginary friends who are jealous and will try to harm you.
If a child dreams of a priest, then you should expect only good news. The baby will be happy and everything will work out for him. Also, such a dream indicates that the family is raising the child correctly and loves him.
If a child is afraid of something in such a dream, then in reality it is worth taking a closer look at the state of his health, at the problems that torment him. You need to talk to the child alone.
How to understand that in front of you is an abuser in a cassock
— The word “abuse” is found everywhere today - from glossy magazines to teenage conversations, and now it has come into religious life. Everyone started talking about spiritual abuse. What it is?
— Spiritual abuse is a special form of relationship when a person gets used to violence as a norm on the part of a confessor. Violence, of course, is not physical, but primarily emotional or pastoral. I think that due to the activity of this topic in secular psychology, it gradually began to move into the area of spiritual life, because there is a phenomenon of neurotic religiosity, when spiritual issues are replaced by neurotic ones.
Christianity is a very mature religion, it is for an internally mature person. But most often we see that people cross the threshold of the temple in search of solutions to completely everyday problems. In general, this is normal, there is nothing wrong with it.
If a person has a good confessor, then the person will gradually mature and come out of the state of “solve this problem for me.”
But if the confessor is a lover of growing old, the usual infantilism, natural for a new convert, will intensify. And now he himself can no longer make decisions at all - to live one way or another - he needs external authority, external support. Abuse begins when a person can no longer imagine his own existence without this support.
- How it works?
- For example, a certain young man has a lot of complexes, for himself he is a nonentity. And naturally, he will have problems with girls: he doesn’t even admit the thought that he might be attractive to someone. If such a person ends up with a tough, authoritarian confessor who does not have children of his own and is not familiar with teenage psychology, then there is a high probability that this confessor may offer him the monastic path.
“It's normal that you don't know how to communicate with a girl. This suggests that you have a monastic calling!” But if a competent psychotherapist had been in the place of this priest, he would have said exactly the opposite - that under no circumstances should this person go into monasticism and over time he will understand that his complex is not a vocation, but a problem of a psychological nature, which even in the monastery it will not be allowed...
— Have you ever encountered abusive priests?
- Certainly. This spectacle is spectacular, emotionally intense and very... piercingly attractive. Just imagine, you come to meet a priest, he is outwardly very handsome, spiritual, unshorn, like from an ancient icon. And the first thing you hear from him: “Let’s agree right away. If you come to me, you come only to me (meaningful pause - Author's note). And they don’t come back to me! If you decide to leave me, you will never dare to even come close to me again!..”
You have been forced into a situation of tough choice, for which you may not be ready. This is an example of typical spiritual abuse.
But the priest is very spiritual, gracious, so radiant. Okay, you agree. And then at some point you suddenly realize that you have no contact with this person.
The advice he gives is destructive to you. What previously seemed more or less stable, suddenly begins to fall apart, although you are guided only by the blessings of the priest. In a normal internal state, you would think: “Well, I probably need to break up with this priest.” But from the first time you meet, a conventional curse hangs over you: “They don’t come to me twice!”
- And what should I do?
- This is a very difficult question. You begin to seriously weigh whether you are really ready to bear the burden of your confessor’s curse in comparison with the burden of the life that you now lead under his blessing.
If this initial message had not been there, then the person would have asked for forgiveness, and a normal confessor would have calmly accepted the fact that he was leaving. But in a situation of spiritual abuse, this turns into a big drama.
- Why is this happening? Why does the priest need this?
— Partly, of course, this is due to the priest’s long-standing psychological problems. I think there is a certain part of young people who enter the priesthood in order to self-actualize and feel fulfilled. They must necessarily rise above the others, at least hierarchically. This happens not only with priests, but also with people of other professions associated with the desire for power, and a priest, by definition, has more power than an ordinary layman, this is obvious.
On the other hand, often a young priest who has no need for abuse may find himself in an environment where the only understood language is the language of violence.
This happens especially often when the priest changes in parishes and the new one inherits an already formed culture of relations between the pastor and his flock.
And if the flock are accustomed to being held with a strong hand, all issues are decided for them, and only blind obedience is required of them, then it will be very difficult for such a priest. Perhaps at some point he will even be forced to play along, because otherwise the parishioners do not understand that for them a free, trusting attitude on the part of the priest means indifference, alienation and disinterest in their lives.
— How to understand and admit to yourself that in front of you is an abuser in a cassock?
— The same rules that are relevant for codependency can be transferred to the spiritual area. And the first basic rule is non-self-sufficiency. If a person does not feel satisfied, satisfied, happy and able to spend a long time alone, then there is a risk that a space of codependent relationships will appear here.
The second very important marker is the inability to easily separate. It is very difficult for the participants in these painful pathological relationships to part, even when they destroy each other, when communication and, especially, spiritual nourishment for each of these parties becomes very painful. Moreover, both participants themselves may not understand what the reason is; all this is hidden in a package that seems exclusively religious.
What did the priest look like?
Seeing a priest in a dream is a definite sign that will be correctly interpreted if you remember what he looked like.
In a beautiful cassock - to good deeds and good luck.
Without vestments - to success in various fields. But the priest’s mood can also promise negative consequences for the dreamer.
If the father is thoughtful and focused in a dream, then you should take care of your health and carefully listen to your physical condition.
The stern look of a priest is a sign of problems that in real life may concern:
- Families;
- Works;
- Friends.
An inattentive priest in a dream who leaves you or does not want to talk means reproaches or concerns about health. Compassionate and beautiful - to the need to begin to help other people, also to the fact that all good undertakings will be fully realized.
Why do you dream of a priest in a cassock?
Why church priests dream can be correctly interpreted if you remember what he looked like. The priest in a dream can be in a cassock or without it.
Dreaming of a priest in a cassock - to good aspirations, which, for sure, will not be realized in reality. It takes a lot of effort to make your dream come true.
If you dreamed of a priest in a black robe, expect an event that could change your whole life. Not only the situation and environment will change, all thoughts and beliefs will be subject to strict adjustments, and you yourself will become a different person.
Many dream books warn that if you dream of a priest in a black cassock, then the dreamer simply needs to reconsider his views; perhaps he is betting on the wrong people or has created an idol for himself.
A woman dreams of a priest in a cassock - to her spiritual rebirth, a change of priorities and good intentions.
“God doesn’t put spiritual handcuffs on you.”
— Where then is the line between spiritual mentoring and control over the spiritual life of a parishioner?
“I remember very well how Father Kirill Pavlov, the famous confessor of the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, conducted confessions. Abuse was absolutely impossible for him, because Father Kirill did not impose his opinion, even if he was literally forced: “Father, what do you think? How to?"
He expressed his view, but never made it uncontested.
He said that in this situation he thought so and so, after which he put an end to it.
He did not threaten heavenly punishments, did not prophesy that things would be bad. He simply was next to this person, accepted his right to disagree and never looked at his spiritual flock as an enemy with the words: “How dare you do something contrary to my blessing? You inflicted a personal spiritual insult on me and humiliated me as a confessor.”
The phenomenon of Father Kirill is in boundless love and respect for the right of another person to be different from what, perhaps, even Father Kirill himself would like him to be. He always asked: “What does your conscience tell you? What is your heart telling you? This worried him more than the complexity of the situation itself, which could simply be insoluble. And thus he constantly emphasized that you, as a person, as a person, as an image of God, have your own significance.
— What can you say when a priest gives unsolicited advice and indicates how to live, raise children, build relationships in the family?
“In such a situation, there can only be one answer.” A person is responsible for his own life, only he decides how acceptable this or that advice from a priest is to him. God does not put spiritual handcuffs on, quite the contrary. He gives you the freedom to do whatever you want if you are in the spirit of love and in tune with the world of God. No one has the right to tell you: “Do this or do that.” You can do it completely differently, and it will be even better than everything that others did before you. But only a person with great courage and faith can take responsibility, and many want to throw off this responsibility.
But the fact is that, giving his responsibility to a confessor or someone else, a person still takes it upon himself, because he himself will deal with the consequences.
He cannot come to his confessor and say: “Father, you have broken my whole life - and now you must fix it!” Well, what were you thinking when you entrusted your whole life without any guarantees, without even understanding what kind of priest he was and what he would do to you? This is your responsibility, your mistake, maybe even the most important one in life.
“But if you don’t follow his advice, a feeling of guilt arises: “Well, how can this be, my father tells me, and I...” How to deal with this?
“I may say a strange thing, but in Christianity there is no such virtue as a feeling of guilt.” There is repentance - when a person realizes the wrongness of his actions, thoughts, words and wants to change what can be changed. But the feeling of guilt itself is always a manipulative feeling; it can be very easily used to control a person. The feeling of guilt and the fear of God are exactly opposite things, because the feeling of guilt leads a person to become withdrawn.
After the Fall, Adam and Eve tried to escape, to hide from God. This is the feeling of guilt. But repentance turns a person towards God, this is a consequence of experiencing the fear of God, touching him. Such an impulse can never be the result of guilt.
— What should a priest do when a parishioner asks if he can go to a friend’s birthday party or buy a refrigerator, for example?
— One of the greatest strengths of Christian evangelism is God’s refusal to dictate to man how he should behave. If God makes all decisions for a person, then the person does not have a life that is valuable to God. It turns out that God lives His life in another person. And when a person seeks someone else’s approval in every little detail, this indicates that the person himself as a person has not yet matured; he is painfully dependent on external authority.
Your independent decision is important, even if it is wrong, you are not a cog in some huge mechanism.
Very often, a confessor is approached as an oracle who must press some mystical buttons and give out one single correct answer. But comprehending the will of God does not mean solving a complex equation.
We need to look for the right tonality, in accordance with which a person is free to create anything and however he wants. If a person is in harmony with Christ, with the spirit of God, then he can, together with the Apostle Paul, speak about absolute freedom: “I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me!”
— From this point of view, what should be the relationship between a priest and a parishioner?
— I would give this image... It’s similar to the relationship between a guide and a climber. Of course, a person himself can try to climb Elbrus, Kazbek or Everest, but, most likely, for everything to end happily, he will need a guide. Without a guide, there is very little chance of staying alive. The same is true in spiritual life. When you have a desire and readiness to climb the mountain of virtues, your confessor should be nearby and help you - precisely as a guide. He prompts, supports, warns about the dangers that will definitely be on your way, but he does not put you on his shoulders and does not drag you to the top: you walk yourself, with your own feet all the way!
— In what cases does preaching turn into spiritual abuse? At one time it was fashionable in the media to print the opinions of priests on all issues, but now it rather irritates people. People don’t tolerate it when religion is imposed, why is that?
“We probably need to draw a line between evidence and imposition.” A Christian cannot help but testify to his faith. But if this evidence is simple and clear, it will not cause such rejection as if the same evidence were filled with aggression, devaluation and imposition. You can talk about the same things in different words.
I really like Grigory Pomerantz’s aphorism that the devil begins with foam on the lips of an angel.
The style of polemic is much more important than its subject, because objects come and go, but the style of polemic creates a certain civilization.
And when we testify to the values of our faith firmly but calmly, with respect for the other side, such preaching will not cause as much negative reaction as if we began to emotionally declare something, humiliating the other side.
This is a problem not only in the church environment, but also in the modern world in general. And if preaching in one direction, monologue were a professional disease of us, clergy, then now similar declarations or judgments without an attempt to somehow substantiate them - and what’s even worse, without the desire to hear another point of view - lead to understandable aggressive rejection.
The meaning of a dream about a wedding
What mood prevailed in your dream?
A dream in which a priest performs a wedding ceremony in a church - in most interpretations - to happiness, prosperity, mutual understanding.
If the holy father marries you, then peace and understanding will reign in the family for many years, the marriage will be reliable, and the other half will be a gift from above. You have made the right choice and are reaping the well-deserved benefits of family joy.
The priest conducting the ceremony in a cassock and waving a censer is a sign of the reliability of family ties. If an unmarried girl has such a dream, then her friend and chosen one is a real soul mate for life. There is no need to doubt your choice; next to you is real support and support, a loving and faithful man.
A wedding in a dream is a symbol of a strong spiritual union between people.
Confession and absolution
In a dream, the holy father conducts the communion ceremony, listens to confession and absolves sins - to internal torment, confusion, doubts and difficult decisions.
If you are confessing, then the dream foreshadows you working on yourself; perhaps you do not know how to trust people, or sincerely talk even with loved ones. Forgiveness of sins in a woman’s dream promises gossip and gossip; one must be prepared for various troubles and misunderstandings.
If during confession during communion you see yourself kissing your father’s hand, then there is a problem inside you that you cannot yet solve. You shouldn’t put off her decision until later - after all, she gnaws at you from the inside and doesn’t give you peace. Allow yourself to make the right decision.
Kneeling in front of a clergyman in a dream means hidden problems and internal conflicts. You are waiting for help from the outside, but you should start with yourself - analyze what interferes with your life, remove unnecessary habits, dishonest people and spiteful critics from your life.
Some dream books interpret confession as an impending danger that can affect different life situations.
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Damage in the church, how to protect yourself. Many believers, when visiting church, do not know that here witches and sorcerers can spell damage to a person.
You need to enter the church yard only through a small gate, and not through the gate through which the dead are brought in for funeral services, and enter the church through the doors for parishioners, since at the funeral doors a mortal curse can be cast on you. Witches and warlocks present in the church can be recognized. Witches and sorcerers try to cross their fingers or their hands themselves so that the left hand rests on the right hand. When they kneel, they try to cross their legs behind them in this position. They start by crossing themselves very quickly with their left hand, that is, they make a “cross”, first they cross the stomach, then the left shoulder, then the right and, finally, the forehead. Witches and sorcerers can cross themselves with their right hand, but when, completing the cross, they put their fingers to their stomach, then with a sharp movement of their right hand back to the side, they seem to throw off the cross. In the church they try to stand in such a way that their back is always covered from the altar. And they try to leave the church with their backs, as if backing away, if possible. This is due to the fact that there are many nerve endings on the spinal cord, and the rays from the icons and the altar strongly burn the backs of witches and sorcerers. The eyes of witches and sorcerers, as a rule, are prickly, darting from side to side, they try not to look people in the eyes, and if they do, they immediately try to turn away. In church they can walk around you counterclockwise and point their hand at you, then stand behind you and suck the energy out of you. If this happens, then immediately, without hesitation, hit the witch or sorcerer with your left hand so that the damage comes back. The second time a witch or sorcerer will not do anything like that to you. Some people know or have heard that candles can be damaged, and they try to hold a lit candle in their hands. Pay attention to this moment: you lit a candle, stood in some place in the church, and the candle suddenly became smokey. Don't be lazy and look at your feet. This is due to the fact that there may be a needle under your feet. When you place a candle “for health” in front of the icon of some saint and begin to pray, do not allow strangers to move your candle, make sure that it burns out to the end. Make sure that your candle is not extinguished, that another candle is not placed on your candle, and that your burning candle is not stuck in a candlestick, that is, in this way they are causing damage to you. Many beginners do not know where to put a lit candle. A witch or sorcerer will definitely try to approach such a person with advice. A person is told: “Light the candle and leave the church backwards.” If a person does this, he will damage himself. This situation also happens. You have a lit candle in your hands, and they ask you to light their candle from yours. It is better to politely refuse, let them light their candle from the burning candles standing on the candlestick. Not often, but such a situation still happens. There is a candlestick with large sockets designed for thick candles, and you have a thin candle in your hands. As a rule, a “kind granny” will turn up and tell you to put your candle in the nest where one or two candles are already burning. Do not do that. In the temple you cannot light from matches or a lighter, only from the lamp that burns in the center. You can’t light candles from nearby candles, so as not to drag other people’s problems onto yourself. if you feel that something is happening behind your back, or you have been pushed, and this is not by chance since the church is half empty, give the blow back, do not be shy. Health is more valuable! Before communion, be sure to cross your mouth. Witches and warlocks are visible on Christmas Day, when the entrance doors to the church are closed. At this moment, witches and sorcerers try to hold onto the castle with their hands in order to gain energy. If a man or woman stands with a burning candle, and holds the candle horizontally rather than vertically, they are causing damage. HOW IS IT CORRECT TO LIGHT A CANDLE IN CHURCH? ONLY FROM THE LAMP! In many churches, employees do not allow this to be done, for fear that the wax from the candle will fall into the oil or drip onto the lamp, and then it will be difficult to clean it. BE SURE TO MAKE SURE THAT THE CANDLE IS COMPLETELY BURNED OUT, OR AT LEAST MORE THAN HALF! Since, as soon as you put it on, then, without burning out, half of them are extinguished and sent again to be melted down for new candles. YOU CANNOT MOVE AWAY FROM YOUR CANDLES, which are placed for Good, until more than half have burned out. And in general, don’t let grannies or anyone else touch your candles. And it is advisable to extinguish it (the candle) yourself, do not blow it out, but extinguish it only with your fingers. It is better to take the smallest candles - they burn out faster. WHEN ENTERING A CHURCH, BEGGAR WOMEN OFTEN STAND AND BEG FOR ALMS. SO, WHEN ENTERING, YOU CAN GIVE ALMS, WHILE SAYING THE WORDS (to yourself): “Let the hand of the giver not fail.” When leaving the church, you cannot give alms, because along with the money you will give away what you came for, what you asked from the Lord and the saints. You also need to say the words: “I came with health, and I leave with health.” This must be done, because different people come to church, and there are those who take away their health. As a rule, they choose very healthy people. It's no secret that churches are damaged. So how can you protect yourself from damage when visiting a temple? Let us repeat once again the most important tips: 1. When entering church, say to yourself: “I came with health, I will leave with health!” Amen!" When leaving you say: “I came with health, I leave with health!” Amen” 2. Do not let your candle burn when it is in your hands. 3. Do not pass on candles. 4. Do not allow yourself to be walked around in a counterclockwise circle. 5. The candle you set should burn out at least halfway. 6. Do not allow your candle in the candlestick to be extinguished, rearranged, or taken away. 7. Do not give things (pen, paper) either in the church or in the churchyard. 8. Do not take things, gifts (even hold an icon, a bag) 9. Do not allow them to stand right behind you. PS Recently, damage to church domes has begun to spread. For example: YOU ARE WALKING PAST A CHURCH or STANDING NEAR THE CHURCH, AND THEN GRANDMOTHER GOD DANDELION COMES TO YOU AND SAYS: “BABY COUNT THE DOMES OF THE CHURCH, OLD GIRL, I DON’T SEE ANYTHING...” – AS A RESULT, YOU START COUNTING EITHER OUTLOUD, EITHER ABOUT YOURSELF, WHILE YOU COUNT THE DOMES, GRANDMOTHER QUICKLY WHISPERS A SPELL AND THE RESULT TO HERSELF... YOU have been given damage and various misfortunes! In the one-domed Orthodox Church they blame loneliness, in the three-headed church they blame anxiety, fears, litigation with government officials, in the five-headed church they blame various illnesses. BE ALERT, PRETEND TO BE DEAF AND BLIND AND RUN PAST!!!
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Baptism ceremony
Seeing a priest performing a baptism ceremony in a dream means a new life, changes both for the better and for the worse. In any case, baptism in a dream is a sign that you should pay more attention to various things:
- Your health;
- People;
- Children;
- Parents;
- Friends;
- Colleagues;
- Job responsibilities.
If you are careful, life will get better. Laxity and irresponsibility will lead to problems.
If your confessor puts a cross on you in a dream, then this is a favorable dream, which says that you are protected, you have a strong family, loyal friends, good partners, and friendly colleagues.
