Confession in childhood, from what age and how to properly prepare a child

General information about the sacrament of confession

Each church has its own traditions, customs and rituals. Thus, along with Christianity, seven main sacraments appeared:

• anointing;
• baptism;
• marriage;
• repentance;
• communion;
• unction;
• sacrament of the priesthood.

Each of them plays a primary role and carries the meaning of the entire Church. The most famous for large masses of people is the mystery of Communion, which many also call communion. Part of it is confession.

This is a special process in which a person talks about his sins in front of the priest and God. It is also called repentance.

The word “repentance” has Slavic roots and means not so much “apology” as “change.” This means that after confession a person must not only cleanse himself of old sins, but also try not to commit new ones.

The process of repentance for many can be difficult, because it is not so easy to admit to the same lies or theft. That is why the priest must be told about the sin so that he can cleanse the soul and conscience, realizing that the person has repented of the act. At its core, sin is dirt that defiles a person. However, disgust for it alone will not help you cleanse yourself. A person needs a source of clean water to get rid of dirt. In religion it is God's grace. First of all, during repentance a person talks about the sins he has committed. But few people think about what it is built on. Repentance is based on the commandments of God.

As we know, there are only ten of them:

1. I am the Lord thy God: and thou shalt have no other gods besides Me.
2. Do not make an idol for yourself, do not worship it.
3. Do not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.
4. Remember the Sabbath day.
5. Honor your father and your mother.
6. Dont kill.
7. Don't commit adultery.
8. Do not steal.
9. Do not bear false witness against another.
10. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, you shall not covet your neighbor’s house, nor his field, nor anything that your neighbor has.

Not only confession, but the entire Christian faith is built on them. Repentance can take place “always and everywhere” if there is a priest nearby. However, most often it occurs after the evening service or before the morning liturgy. Repentance is a mandatory stage that must be passed before the sacrament of communion, where wine and bread are turned into the blood and flesh of Christ. How is confession going? A man approaches the priest and talks about the sins that he has committed and for which he repents. After this, the holy father places the edge of the stole on the head of the penitent and reads a prayer for permission to forgive sins. A man kisses the cross and the Gospel.

This is interesting! The epitrachelion is a part of the priest’s vestment, which is traditional for conducting divine services.

It is a long ribbon that is worn over the cassock. The epitrachelion symbolizes the priest's grace-filled gifts.

There are no strict rules to follow when repenting. There is no need to prepare for it, like for the Sacrament of Communion. People often ask the question: “Do you often need to confess?” The clergy say that you can receive communion no more than once a day and no less than 3 times a week. However, this norm is not fixed anywhere and remains at the discretion of the penitent himself.

Sheet for preparing for confession

Simple rules for confession
Confession, especially if it is associated with fasting, almsgiving, and fervent prayer, returns a person to the state in which Adam was before the Fall.

You can confess in any setting, but it is generally accepted to confess in church - during a service or at a time specially appointed by the priest. The person confessing must be baptized, a member of the Orthodox Church, recognizing all the fundamentals of Orthodox doctrine and repenting of his sins.

When preparing for confession, the church charter does not require either a special fast or a special prayer rule - faith and repentance are needed. However, it is recommended to read prayers of repentance, and fasting is also possible.

The penitent must confess his sins. It is necessary to show a general awareness of one’s sinfulness, especially highlighting the most characteristic passions and weaknesses (for example: lack of faith, love of money, anger, etc.); and also name those specific sins that he sees behind himself, and especially those that weigh most heavily on his conscience.

EIGHT MAIN PASSIONS

(think: don’t these sins burden you)

1 . Gluttony: Binge eating, drunkenness, non-keeping and allowing fasting, secret eating, delicacy, generally violation of abstinence. Incorrect and excessive love of the flesh, its belly and rest, which constitutes self-love, which leads to failure to remain faithful to God, the Church, virtue and people.

2. Fornication: Fornication, lustful feelings and attitudes of the soul and heart. Acceptance of unclean thoughts, conversation with them, delight in them, permission for them, slowness in them. Prodigal dreams and captivities. Failure to preserve the senses, especially the sense of touch, is the insolence that destroys all virtues. Foul language and reading voluptuous books. Natural prodigal sins: fornication and adultery. Prodigal sins are unnatural.

3. Love of money: The love of money, in general the love of property, movable and immovable. The desire to get rich. Thinking about the means to get rich. Dreaming of wealth. Fear of old age, unexpected poverty, illness, exile. Stinginess. Selfishness. Disbelief in God, lack of trust in His Providence. Addictions or painful, excessive love for various perishable objects, depriving the soul of freedom. Passion for vain concerns. Loving gifts. Appropriation of someone else's. Likhva. Cruelty towards the poor brethren and all those in need. Theft. Robbery.

4. Anger: Hot temper, the adoption of angry thoughts: dreams of anger and revenge, indignation of the heart with rage, darkening of the mind with it; obscene shouting, arguing, swearing, cruel and cutting words, hitting, pushing, killing. Malice, hatred, enmity, revenge, slander, condemnation, indignation and insult to one’s neighbor.

5. Sadness: Sadness, melancholy, cutting off hope in God, doubt in the promises of God, ingratitude of God for everything that happens, cowardice, impatience, lack of self-reproach, sorrow for one’s neighbor, grumbling, renunciation of the cross, attempt to descend from it.

6. Despondency: Laziness towards every good deed, especially prayer. Abandonment of church and cell rules. Abandoning unceasing prayer and soul-helping reading. Inattention and haste in prayer. Neglect. Irreverence. Idleness. Excessive calming by sleeping, lying down and all kinds of restlessness. Moving from place to place. Frequent exits from the cell, walks and visits with friends. Celebration. Jokes. Blasphemers. Abandonment of bows and other physical feats. Forgetting your sins. Forgetting the commandments of Christ. Negligence. Captivity. Deprivation of the fear of God. Bitterness. Insensibility. Despair.

7. Vanity: Seeking human glory. Boasting. Desire and search for earthly and vain honors. Love of beautiful clothes, carriages, servants and cell things. Attention to the beauty of your face, the pleasantness of your voice and other qualities of your body. Disposition towards the dying sciences and arts of this age, the quest to succeed in them in order to acquire temporary, earthly glory. Shame to confess your sins. Hiding them before people and the spiritual father. Craftiness. Self-justification. Disclaimer. Making up your mind. Hypocrisy. Lie. Flattery. People-pleasing. Envy. Humiliation of one's neighbor. Changeability of character. Indulgence. Unconscionability. The character and life are demonic.

Recommended age for first confession

Often, believing parents ask a logical question: “At what age can my child go to confession?” According to church canons, the minimum age for repentance is seven years. However, there are exceptions to any rule. So, if a child has committed a sin, and he realizes it himself, without being encouraged by his parents, then he can undergo the first ritual before the age of seven.

It is worth noting that this should be the personal desire of the child exclusively. Otherwise there will be no benefit from such a confession. Each repentance is a purely individual matter. You cannot confess according to instructions or orders. Every child grows and develops differently. If at the age of ten he is not ready to repent, then he cannot be forced or pressured. The child himself must “ripe” for such a sacrament. Some children can undergo this ritual before the age of seven, but this is not always approved by the clergy.

What not to do before repentance

Before repentance, fasting is optional and is performed only at the request of the person. In any case, it should not be administered to small children, pregnant women and sick people.

Before the sacrament, a Christian abstains from physical and spiritual temptations. There is a ban on watching entertainment programs and reading entertainment literature. It is forbidden to spend time at the computer, play sports or be lazy. It is better not to attend noisy meetings and not to be in crowded companies, to spend the days before confession in humility and prayer.

How to properly prepare a child

The first confession is a very important moment in the life of every child. You need to prepare well for it, and most importantly, talk to the child himself.

Points to remember:

1. The child must understand what sins are and what they are. At this point, the main thing is not to overdo it. A child's soul and mind are not quite ready to perceive all the information about all sins. It will be enough to simply tell the child about the commandments of God. It is best to take each of them apart and think about the meaning.
2. You should not talk to children about their specific actions. Persistence in this matter will also be unnecessary. You need to come to an understanding of your sin on your own. You cannot insist on repentance itself.
3. A child should, at least for general development, understand what confession is and, in general, the essence of the Sacrament of Communion. It is worth talking about the origin of this tradition, meaning and purpose.
4. It is necessary to explain that repentance for one’s sins is only part of the whole matter. It is much more important not to do such things again.
5. You should not give your child a list of adult sins. Many of them are beyond the reach of a child's mind. Their lack of understanding can only attract attention and interest in the concept itself.
6. There are special books on preparing a penitent for the ritual. It is helpful to read the children's version together. Sometimes a book explains all the nuances better than parents. Especially if the father and mother are not versed in church canons, customs, traditions and rituals.

Preparation is a very important point. If you miss it, you won't achieve anything good. On the contrary, confession can bring harm and complete reluctance of the child to turn to the Church in the future.

Wise children

“Children’s understanding of what sin is makes their upbringing easier,” one friend of mine once remarked. It is difficult to disagree with her, especially since children very early and without detailed explanations understand the essence of the concept of “sin.” This is surprising, because the word is not popular, and its meaning is not so simple. How many adults sin shamelessly, without, however, admitting that they are sinning. But a child's soul shows much greater wisdom.

Young children quickly absorb Christian tenets because the law of God is written in their conscience. If we turn to conscience as a tool of education and use the Bible as the highest standard, then children will grow up to be highly moral and God-fearing people. Therefore, adults have a huge responsibility to not waste time and guide children on the right path.

Recommendations for choosing a confessor

If the parents have different confessors in the family, then the question arises of which priest should instruct the child. This situation is not entirely normal, but it is common for our time. The issue should be resolved at a family council. If both confessors from the father and mother are worthy, then it is worth giving the choice to the child himself.

However, it is necessary to shift all responsibility for education to the priest. No matter how wonderful a person he is, he is not a parent. Many mothers and fathers do not understand that until a certain age a confessor is not needed at all. This need comes to everyone in their own time. Until this moment, the main confessors are the parents.

Adam and Eve

“With children of primary school age, the history of the Fall in the Garden of Eden is studied in more detail,” Tamara advises. – There are beautifully illustrated children’s Bibles that clearly depict the meaning of the tragedy of the first people. When thinking about what happened in the Garden of Eden, it is necessary to draw the child's attention to the terrible consequences of Adam and Eve's disobedience. For example, to say that sin separated people from God and made them deeply unhappy.

Sin brought with it evil, hatred, destruction, torment and death. Sin destroyed, destroyed the happiness of people and created complete chaos throughout the world. Sin began to be inherited, like a disease, multiplying in subsequent generations. “Through one man’s disobedience many were made sinners...” says the Bible (Rom. 5:19). Therefore, now every person is born with a tendency to commit sin.”

What parents should not do after confession

Confession is part of the sacrament of Communion. A child’s repentance is a personal matter that cannot be interfered with. Many parents either consider their child too small or do not trust them. Then the question: “Why did you bring your child to confession?” Repentance is a test that everyone will go through on their own and in secret. After completing the ceremony, you must not approach the holy father and ask: “What did my child say?” “Did he repent of such and such his offense?”

You shouldn’t ask your child such questions either. In this matter, it is best to give him complete freedom.

Children whose parents joined the church a long time ago

In these cases, if the parents themselves constantly consciously confess, an example is shown to the children from birth. Children, imitating their parents, also want to be like adults. In this case, the main thing for parents is not to start thinking that the sooner the child starts confessing, the better. It is important to simply convey to the child that God loves us, that we cannot do without His help - to show the child that confession is very useful, and not punishment or torture.

At the same time, in fact, the main and only sin that a child can sincerely repent of is disobedience to parents. After all, everything else is a consequence of the upbringing of parents and the life they create for their children.

The confessions of a child who repents of breaking his fast are always touching; watching TV; that it makes the mother scream... And before that, the child’s mother confesses and does not repent of breaking the fast, watching TV and yelling at the child.

And of course, parents don’t need to organize competitions: they say, Misha already confesses for five minutes at the age of 7, and my idiot came for 5 seconds and left. All children are different, at different times they come to understand certain offenses.

List of sins for children under 13 years of age

In order to properly prepare for the ceremony, it is best to familiarize yourself with the list of childhood sins in advance, tell your child about them, and explain the essence. After this, he himself must choose the actions he committed. What sins exist for children before adolescence?

In relation to elders

First of all, this sin is associated with the commandment to honor father and mother. If a student lied, was capricious, did not obey, swore, did not respect his parents or teacher, then he should mention this sin in confession, but at his own discretion and at his own request.

In relation to the younger ones

This sin is associated with offenses towards lesser people. The child offends children who are younger than him, mocks them, as well as animals.

In relation to friends and classmates

The schoolboy deceived his peers, lied, fought with them, often quarreled, called names or mocked them, set him up and told lies. This sin deserves no less attention than the first two. Communication with peers and other people outside the family is no less important for future life.

Responsibilities

If a child neglects household chores, school assignments or studies in general, and also ignored the words of his parents, then this should be said in confession.

Bad habits

At this age, it’s probably too early to talk about smoking and alcohol, but excessive use of the computer and TV comes under scrutiny. Wasting time brings nothing but negative consequences. This is also a sin.

In relation to God

This sin applies to almost every person in our time. What can we say about children? Despite this, if you do not read morning and evening prayers and do not thank the Lord, then this is also a sin.

Learning by Example

“Older preschoolers can study the Ten Commandments with their parents,” Tamara emphasizes, “and adults should use real-life examples to help them understand each of them.

For example, the sin of theft can be discussed using the example of a story from the life of the boy Slavik.

“Once Slavik was walking from kindergarten with his younger brother Oleg. It was evening and he really wanted to eat. And here is a kiosk with pies. The saleswoman was busy with empty boxes. Slavik, looking around, began putting the pies in his pockets. I wanted to take one, but no one sees, so I took several.

I didn’t want to go down the bright path. Suddenly Slavik saw his father walking towards him. Slavik tripped and fell. The pies fell apart. Slavik had frightened eyes. The father came up and asked: “Why did you put the pies in your pocket and not in a bag?” The boy blushed. He had nothing to say.

Slavik realized his guilt. He felt very ashamed. He ran to the saleswoman, apologized and gave her the money for the pies. But there was still anxiety in my heart: what if someone finds out?”

Analyze this story with your child. Ask questions:

– Slavik, looking around, began putting the pies in his pockets. Why was he looking back? (he was afraid that his theft would be seen).

“I didn’t want to go down the bright path.” Why? (so that no one sees him)

“Suddenly Slavik saw his father walking towards him. The boy tripped and fell. Why did this happen? (fear)

– Slavik had frightened eyes. What was he afraid of? (that the father will find out everything)

– Slavik blushed. What made him blush? (conscience, shame)

– Do you ever feel ashamed? When?

– What did Slavik do? (stole, deceived).

Conclusion: “Never steal, remember that it is a sin. Disobedience, deception, greed are also very bad actions, sins. Even if no one sees you, God sees you. And He punishes.”

How can you add to the list during adolescence?

Age increases, and so does the number of sins. So the above list can be supplemented:

• obscene language;
• smoking;
• consumption of alcoholic beverages;
• viewing embarrassing and obscene pictures and films;
• indecent treatment of a person of the opposite sex.

It is worth telling about these sins already in adolescence. If this happens ahead of time, then there is no need to focus on such actions. The child's soul is too naive for the child to understand the essence of these sins. On the contrary, he may show interest in them, and then good intentions will turn into evil.

Examples of children's confessional texts

It is quite difficult for children to remember all the sins that they have seen in themselves. Therefore, for confession, especially the first one, it is worth writing a special piece of paper. Where all actions will be indicated. Sins against the Lord:

• denial and disbelief in the existence of God;
• atheism (people are sure that they believe in God, but do not think about the rules of faith);
• creation and worship of some kind of idol.

List of sins against one's neighbor:

• pride and selfishness, disdain for other people, inattention;
• discussing and judging other people;
• misappropriation of someone else's property (theft, non-payment or delay in payment of wages);
• lie;
• causing physical harm.

Useful tips for parents

Often during the ritual, mistakes are made not so much by children as by parents. They worry too much and often go beyond what is permitted. So you can give simple but true advice for fathers and mothers:

1. If your child wants to go to confession himself, and you are not believers, then you should not forbid him to do this. Each person has his own path, and if the soul demands to go to the temple, then do not hold back the impulse. On the contrary, go to church together, stop by if you wish.
2. If the child does not strive for confession and does not want to go through it at all, do not insist. The desire to repent before the Lord must come from the soul, and not from parental decrees.
3. Help me prepare for confession. Tell your child about the sins that a person commits. Look together at the commandments that the Lord gave us.
4. Do not point out sins directly to your child. He must understand how to repent himself.
5. Encourage your child to write what he wants to say on a piece of paper, but don’t do it yourself. Let the secret of confession remain.
6. After the end of confession, do not contact the priest and do not ask about sins.
7. Do not ask the penitent himself about his actions. The mystery of communion must be preserved.

By following these simple tips, any parent will be able to help their child without harming him.

Children whose parents recently joined the church

Neophyte is a disease that overtakes the vast majority of people who just come to the temple. It has many manifestations - the main ones are the desire to teach everyone the Word of God, the strictest fasting, long prayers and condemnation of everyone who does not agree with their holy life.

Children in this case, naturally, also suffer from the neophyte of their parents. At the age of 7, they begin reading “The Experience of Constructing a Confession” to the child and demand that he sincerely repent of all his sins, otherwise he will burn in hell.

In this case, the priest needs to intervene, explain to the parents their mistakes, calm the child - in a word, put on the brakes.

These first two groups have one thing in common: parents are clearly not against the religious upbringing of their children. The priest can only adjust the frequency of confession, the severity of the stick and the sweetness of the carrot to the child’s character.