How to refuse a godmother? is it possible?
How to refuse a godmother? is it possible?
What should you do if you quarreled with your godson’s parents and for this reason you can’t see him?
The answer suggests itself: make peace with the godson’s parents. For what can people who have a spiritual relationship and at the same time be at enmity with each other teach a child? It is worth thinking not about personal ambitions, but about raising a child and, having patience and humility, try to improve relations with the godson’s parents. The same can be advised to the child’s parents.
But a quarrel is not always the reason why a godfather cannot see his godson for a long time.
What to do if, due to objective reasons, you have not seen your godson for years?
I think that the objective reasons are the physical separation of the godfather from the godson. This is possible if the parents and the child moved to another city or country. In this case, all that remains is to pray for the godson and, if possible, communicate with him using all available means of communication.
Unfortunately, some godparents, having baptized the baby, completely forget about their immediate responsibilities. Sometimes the reason for this is not only the recipient’s elementary ignorance of his duties, but his falling into grave sins, which make their own spiritual life very difficult. Then the child’s parents involuntarily have a completely legitimate question:
Is it possible to abandon godparents who do not fulfill their duties, who have fallen into serious sins or who lead an immoral lifestyle?
The Orthodox Church does not know the rite of renunciation of godparents. But parents can find an adult who, without being the actual recipient of the font, would help in the spiritual education of the child. At the same time, he cannot be considered a godfather.
But having such an assistant is better than depriving a child of communication with a spiritual mentor and friend. After all, a moment may come when a child begins to look for spiritual authority not only in the family, but also outside it. And at this moment such an assistant would be very useful. And as the child grows up, you can teach him to pray for his godfather. After all, the spiritual connection of a child with the person who received him from the font will not be severed if he takes responsibility for a person who himself could not cope with this responsibility. It happens that children surpass their parents and mentors in prayer and piety.
Praying for someone who is sinning or lost will be a manifestation of love for that person. It is not without reason that the Apostle James says in his letter to Christians: “Pray for one another so that you may be healed; the fervent prayer of the righteous can accomplish much” (James 5:16). But all these actions must be coordinated with your confessor and receive a blessing for them.
Here’s another interesting question that people periodically ask:
When is there no need for godparents?
There is always a need for godparents. Especially for children. But not every adult baptized can boast of a good knowledge of the Holy Scriptures and church canons. If necessary, an adult can be baptized without godparents, because he has conscious faith in God and is quite capable of independently pronouncing the words of renunciation of Satan, uniting with Christ and reading the Creed. He is fully aware of his actions. The same cannot be said for babies and small children. Their godparents do all this for them. But, in case of extreme need, you can baptize a child without godparents. Such a need, undoubtedly, can be the complete absence of worthy godparents.
SOURCE: Orthodoxy and Peace https://www.pravmir.ru/tainstvo-kreshheniya-otvety-na-voprosy-chitatelej/
.
Responsibilities of godparents
Epiphany Day is the day of new birth in Christ. Therefore, on this day, a particularly appropriate gift for the newly baptized would be a gift with the image of the namesake patron saint. The icon will also be a wonderful christening gift from godparents.
The donated or purchased icon is placed in your home iconostasis. It is usually arranged in the “red corner” - opposite the door, by the window, or in any clean and bright place. On a special shelf for icons, which can be bought in shops at churches, the image of the Lord Jesus Christ is placed in the center, the Most Holy Theotokos is on the left, and the revered saint is on the right. If necessary, you can arrange an iconostasis on a bookshelf, but only next to spiritual books, and not entertainment publications.
It may turn out that the baptized person (your godson) has a rare name and it is difficult to find an icon of his heavenly patron in church shops. Then purchase and place in your home iconostasis an icon of All Saints, where absolutely all Orthodox saints are symbolically depicted.
In general, the gift should be appropriate and have a religious context. – Gift editions of the book of the saint’s life or about the time in which he lived; – The Bible is a family book that can even be passed on by inheritance;
– Paid pilgrimage to the holy places of your region; – A modest but elegant gift – a bottle of church cahors with interesting glasses; – A beautiful lamp for the “red corner” - the home iconostasis of the house; – Chain for the pectoral cross; – Ring “Save and Preserve” with a cross and prayer; – A bracelet with a prayer or with a cross (both men’s and women’s are now on sale); – The most traditional option is a beautiful, hand-painted or self-embroidered icon of the patron saint; – Vessel for holy water; – Audio and video CDs with spiritual content.
An expensive cross, the greatest shrine of an Orthodox person, a symbol of his faith in Christ and his protection, can also be a gift for Baptism. Choose a chain or leather cord that is long enough so that the cross can be hidden under clothing. In the Orthodox tradition, in Slavic lands, it is not customary to wear a cross on a short chain so that it is noticeable. Only Orthodox priests wear crosses over their clothes - but these are not body crosses, but pectoral (that is, “breast”, translated from Church Slavonic) crosses, which are given upon ordination to the priesthood. It is important to remember that if you purchase a cross outside the church, you need to consecrate it by bringing it to church and asking the priest to consecrate it. It's free, or you can thank for the consecration with any amount.
All Christians wear crosses of various shapes and from various materials. Particles of the Life-giving Cross, on which Christ Himself was crucified, are today in many churches around the world. Perhaps in your city there is a piece of the Life-giving Cross of the Lord, and you can venerate this great shrine. The cross is called Life-giving - creating and giving life, that is, having great power.
It does not matter what the cross is made of, there have been different traditions in different centuries, and today the cross can be made of metal or wood; thread or beads; enamel or glass; most often they choose one that is comfortable to wear and durable - usually silver or gold crosses; You can choose blackened silver crosses - they do not bear any special signs. The Church recommends choosing crosses with the Crucifixion - that is, the figure of Christ and the inscription “Save and Preserve,” which usually appears on the reverse side. They are sold in temples.
Many people take care of baptismal crosses; others wear them, but these are worn as a shrine in difficult moments. This is a fairly ancient tradition. May God bless you and help you in fulfilling your honorable duties as godparents!
Orthodox Life
An offer to become a godparent is generally considered honorable and joyful. However, there are circumstances when people cannot or do not want to take on the role of recipient in the Sacrament of Baptism. But people believe that you cannot refuse: once you have been called to be a godparent , you must agree.
Photo berin.com.ua
Archpriest Mikhail Kushnir, rector of the Church of the Miracle of the Archangel Michael in Khoneh, village of Sloboda Shargorodskaya in Vinnytsia region, talks about how to act in such a situation.
– When you offer to become a godfather or mother, it does honor to a person. After all, natural parents entrust their child to people who will then be responsible for his spiritual growth. And I won’t talk or I can’t – it’s somehow not good.
But now the time is such that many are looking for godparents who can become a child sponsor. This, of course, is wrong and should not be. But people often say that they were invited to be godparents, and then set conditions on what exactly they should give to the child for a year, two, etc. - gold earrings or a chain, or something else expensive. Or they want them to help with money in this and that. And godparents should spiritually enrich the child. Therefore, if a person feels and understands that he is being offered to become a godfather only for the sake of helping the child financially and incurring certain expenses, then he can refuse. Especially if he is financially unable to do it.
But when they offer to be a real godfather, how can you refuse?! This is what the Lord gives and the Church blesses. Moreover, when they are invited to be godparents, it is usually known what kind of family they are, how the parents feel about the Church and the Sacrament of Baptism. Because there are many people who baptize their children not out of faith, but simply for the sake of tradition. There are many godparents who formally relate to their role in the child’s life. It is easier for them to give gifts than to engage in spiritual education. Because they themselves do not go to church and do not live by faith and with God.
Why take such people as godparents?! They are just spiritual drones. We must improve ourselves and live not only by material things. You need to take people as godparents who remember that there are the commandments of the Lord and try to live by them.
– What if the family is spiritually dysfunctional and they invite you to be a godparent simply “because it’s necessary,” but will not allow you to participate in the child’s spiritual upbringing? – You definitely need to agree and take on spiritual obligations for the child. Let such a person rejoice that the Lord gives him to serve in life. If a person has brought at least one soul to God, this is already a great reward in Heaven. If the child has already taken a step towards Christ, and the parents of the baby, even if just for the sake of the ritual, invited him to be godparents, then later the godfather will be able to influence the spiritual development of his godson. He simply has to do it. And if the parents don’t really like it at first, over time they will stop interfering and contradicting. And even when it is not possible to be with your child, you can pray for him. – What if the parents have bad heredity, obvious moral defects, and are afraid to take responsibility for a supposedly difficult child? – A person cannot know how the Lord’s will will manifest itself. A dysfunctional family can raise a good child and vice versa. Everything is in God’s hands, God determines everything. You need to live for today and try to do everything necessary. If you put spiritual food into a child, it will still manifest itself and help. Therefore, in such a situation one cannot refuse to be a godfather and one must rely on the will of the Lord.
And if there is an opportunity to be a godfather, take spiritual care of a child and help him, then you need to go for it. The Lord told the apostles to preach throughout the world, so the laity must also bring the word of God to their homes, to their families and to those whom the Lord sends to us.
About 20 years ago I baptized a boy from a very dysfunctional family. Back then it was still difficult to find godparents who would confess before the Sacrament of Baptism of an infant. And it so happened that over time, this boy’s godfather began to go to church and take communion, and I told his parents that only for the sake of this boy the Lord was protecting their family.
Because the boy, although with obvious developmental problems, is always in church at all services. And wherever he meets me on the street, he always asks for a blessing and shows others that, they say, you too ask for a blessing from the priest. He is the only one from a huge and very dysfunctional family who goes to confession, and during Lent he also brings some of his relatives. This is how the Lord rules.
And when a baby is baptized, there should always be recipients. We do not live in a desert, and someone must take responsibility. We must always remember and understand that if we are truly Orthodox Christians and have the opportunity to participate in the Church Sacraments, then we must strive to do so in order to bring spiritual benefit. There are situations when you need to lend a helping hand. If we help a physically sick person, give pills, call an ambulance, then this is spiritual help. – If a person refuses to be a godfather , is it a sin? “I don’t know whether in the eyes of the Lord this is a sin or not a sin.” It matters how the person refused and under what circumstances. You need to confess, tell the priest about it, and then see how the Lord will rule.
Interviewed by Marina Bogdanova
I don't want to baptize a child. What should I tell my family?
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes.
Reader question:
Hello!
My daughter is 6 months old, my family (mom, dad, mother-in-law and sister) insist on baptism. None of them are churchgoers, they just need a guardian angel to appear, etc. My husband and I decided not to do this for now, since we are not ready to educate a child in the faith. We don’t go to church ourselves, we don’t fast. Tell me how to politely refuse, parents are offended?
Ksenia
Archpriest Andrei Efanov answers:
Archpriest Andrey EFANOV
Hello, Ksenia! The meaning of a child's baptism is that he can be given communion, and through communion the grace of God is given to a person. This is the Sacrament in which a person is united with God, for the sake of this everything is needed.
The meaning of human life is to realize our potential and our destiny, and so we are created that our destiny is to achieve such a state that in Eternity will allow us to be with God. Only in this way, in union with God, in collaboration (synergy) with Him, in communion with God, is the fullness of man realized (a rough analogy - only in union with a man is a woman fully realized as a woman, and a man as a man. And as on the earthly level in the area of gender a person needs a person of the other sex, and at the existential, ontological level, a person needs God as a Personality, in communication with whom he realizes, will reveal himself completely. This is by no means about sexual realization, but about the comprehensive realization of the entire human being, which is not possible within the boundaries of only earthly existence). Actually, prayers, fasting, etc. are some aspects of asceticism, spiritual practice, the purpose of which is spiritual exercise in order to cleanse oneself inside of everything unnecessary that interferes with communication with God.
The meaning of the Sacrament of Baptism is the opportunity to use the opportunities that are given to a person in the Church. First of all, these are the Sacraments - confession, communion, unction, and so on. This is also an opportunity for joint prayer with other members of the Church, while communicating with the spiritual experience accumulated over centuries, based on which, drawing grace from the Sacraments, a person will be able to realize himself and go through all the vicissitudes and difficulties that happen in life, and feel the joys more fully and deeply .
It’s a pity that you haven’t discovered the Church yet; I advise you to think about the opportunities that you are losing and think about whether it’s time to realize them in your own life.
As for my daughter's Baptism, what can I say? If your position now is such that you yourself do not want to enjoy the benefits given to a person in the Church, nor do you want to open and communicate all this to your daughter, then tell your family that they are baptized in order to participate in church life, but we ourselves do not participate, and introduce your daughter we will not.
You can also look at these texts:
Is it necessary to baptize a child? To baptize or not to baptize
I really wish you to make the right decision about your life!
With God blessing!
What exceptions to the rules are there?
Every Orthodox Christian knows that baptism is a great religious sacrament that occurs only once during the life of a believer. Despite the fact that repeating the ritual is not stipulated by the Church, sometimes situations still arise that can be considered as exceptions to the rules.
The second baptism of a child can be carried out in the following cases:
- If the ceremony was performed not by a clergy person, but by another person who is not a clergyman. Such situations sometimes occur if a populated area is located at a great distance from an Orthodox church and it is not possible to get to it with a baby.
- If the ceremony is performed incorrectly. A new baptismal ritual may be required if the previous one was carried out with violations, unacceptable errors, and with the reading of prayer texts that did not correspond to the sacrament. In this case, all errors must be recorded and confirmed (preferably by several persons at once).
Sometimes an adult has reasonable doubts that he underwent baptism as an infant. This becomes a serious obstacle to the acquisition of true faith and the desire to live according to Christian commandments. In such situations, the Church allows for the possibility of conducting a new ritual with other godparents.
If you have a sincere desire to be re-baptized, you should contact a priest and tell him in detail about all the circumstances of making such a serious decision.
Questions about religion: Is it possible to change your godmother or godfather?
In what cases is it better to refuse to be a godfather?
There is an opinion that one should not refuse an offer to be a godparent - supposedly this is a sin.
However, godparents are responsible, first of all, for the morality of the godson, and therefore must take responsibility for the spiritual upbringing of the child. Godparents must be Orthodox believers with high moral qualities. Giving a child gifts is not the only and not the main function of godparents. While spending time with the godson, godparents should talk to him about topics of goodness, love, and moral values. They should introduce the child to the church: visit the temple with him, take him to communion, teach him prayers, talk about God. According to church ministers, godparents must have faith and repentance and are called upon to pass them on and teach them to their godson.
When considering the offer to become a godfather, ask yourself the question: will you pray for this child as if you were your own?
If you realize that you do not meet these requirements, or do not feel strong enough to help parents in the religious education of their child, do not place an unbearable burden on your shoulders. Being a bad godfather is worse than refusing to be one.
Is it possible to be baptized again?
You need to know the following: none of the reasons listed above are considered by the Church as a compelling argument for re-baptizing a child. The clergy will not conduct a new rite even in cases where the godfather or mother renounces Orthodoxy, accepts another religion, ends up in prison, or passes away of their own accord or for natural reasons.
Those who plan to baptize a daughter or son are always informed by clergy that it is almost impossible to change godparents in the future. That is why they warn about the need to carefully choose a spiritual father and mother.
Sometimes situations arise when godparents are unwilling or unable to fulfill their spiritual obligations towards the godson. In such cases, it is recommended that the child find other mentors in matters of faith who will become new recipients. At the same time, they will not act as a full-fledged replacement for the godfather and mother, since they did not participate in the sacrament of baptism and did not vouch for the young Christian before God.
