Second parents: how to choose godparents for a child?

1
I remember the sparkling altar of the church, You were like a warm ball, The font brought us together, as now and in the old days, You became my goddaughter, daughter. Today, on your birthday, you, along with the flowers of the bouquets, accept my protection, good news and love, may you be preserved in this world!

2

You, my dear girl, I worry about you. As your godmother, I ask you to take care of yourself. With my prayer I will save you from sad days And I will ask the gods themselves to Send you success, love!

3

I wish you magic, my goddaughter, you are my mischief, I really like you,

You are good, funny, For your godfather, like a dear daughter, Like a fresh stream, Like a piece of sunshine,

Like a fresh wind... My dear bunny, there is only happiness and love in the world Happy birthday again!

When I baptized you in church, I quietly prayed to God, that He would give you a lot of happiness, that He would take bad weather away from you,

To protect you from grief, Give you a lot of strength for life. Although a lot has passed since then, Every day I remembered that prayer.

Let the years fly somewhere into the distance, May you, goddaughter, always be happy.

5

My beloved goddaughter, my doll. Happy holiday to you, my dear.

On this birthday, wish a lot. All dreams will come true, whatever you wish.

Be healthy, my dear child. Know that your Godmother is praying for happiness.

Excursion into history

The question of why and why godparents are needed has never been asked before. Because they had a clear purpose and list of responsibilities.

The tradition of the church is that children are usually baptized in infancy - on the eighth or fortieth day. It is clear that at this age, demanding that a person observe the canons of the church would be, to put it mildly, strange. That's why godparents were needed.

Of course, these should only be Orthodox Christians. Moreover, for a boy only a godfather is enough, and for a girl - a godmother. But in most cases both are invited. “Second” parents are called adoptive parents. This name was born from the ritual itself, when the godfather accepts the baby from the hands of the priest. Accordingly, she or he takes responsibility for him and undertakes to teach the child the basics of the Orthodox faith. It is believed that the godparents will also have to answer for the sins of the godson.

You accepted the baby from the hands of a priest - a new Christian has come under your spiritual care.

Try to teach him something that you know yourself. Don’t forget to congratulate your godson not only on his birthday and Happy New Year, but also on the day of the angel, the child’s heavenly patron!

Before baptism

Responsibilities of godfathers

In fact, godparents are engaged in the spiritual education of the godson, so in theory, people who are deeply religious, devout, who observe all church commandments, honor religious holidays, and most importantly, who want to raise their godson and take an active part in his life should take such a step.

Unfortunately, very often the prerequisite for christening is a strong friendship between the baby’s parents and his future godparents. And when the moment comes in which their paths and interests diverge, the godparents stop communicating not only with the receiver’s blood mom and dad, but also with him. It turns out that the godfather (godfather) violates the vow made before the Lord, which is a sin.

Therefore, if you want to become a godfather, think carefully about what obligations this status imposes on you, and what the consequences will be if you renounce them.

Now you know the interpretation of the concepts, so it’s time to list the responsibilities towards the adopted child:

1. The first, and perhaps most important thing, is the child’s churching, that is, instilling in him religious knowledge, motivation to serve God, reverence for laws and observance of commandments.
   Blood parents should also participate in this, but the main role is given to godparents, as spiritual mentors. Therefore, when choosing future godfathers , it is necessary to take into account their attitude towards the church: atheists, agnostics or people leading, to put it mildly, an incorrect lifestyle, or asocial personalities are definitely not suitable for this role;
2. Raising the receiver, instilling in him spiritual and cultural values ​​(in essence, this is socialization).
   After natural parents, godparents are second in authority: they can take part in any aspect of the child’s life. The responsibility of the recipients is to raise a kind, sympathetic, religious person and citizen, and for this he needs to talk about goodness, love, friendship and respect, conscience and justice;
3. In the event that one of the blood parents or both of them die or become physically or financially disabled, their godfather and godfather must take full care of the godson and provide him with what the parents cannot for any reason.

What godparents look like today

Frankly speaking, today only truly religious people are guided by all of the above principles. And they are not the only ones who baptize children. So why is everyone else doing this?

Anna’s opinion: “The more loving people a child surrounds, the happier he will be. Our godparents are very good parents themselves, loyal friends and treat their godson like their own son. And he adores them, enjoys spending time with them, they even went to the seaside together.”

Anna is right that the more love there is for a child, the better his life. In addition, a godmother or godfather is often a holiday person. He will bring an unplanned cake, take you to a movie or a cafe, and allow things that mom and dad don’t always allow. But we must not forget that your paths with your friends may one day diverge - this happens very often. And communication between godparents and the child in such cases most often comes to naught.

Elena says: “My husband and I thought for a long time and decided that my best friend would be the godmother of our daughter. Firstly, we have a very close relationship with her, and I am sure that she will do a great job in this role. And secondly, if something happens to my husband and me, she will take the child with her. We have no brothers and sisters, and our parents are no longer old enough to cope with children.”

Insurance is great. True, only if the parties agreed on this. High expectations can seriously damage relationships.

You should choose as godparents those of your acquaintances whose way of life you approve and would like your child to be able to follow the example of his spiritual mother or father. It’s a pity if godparents don’t have close communication with their godson in life. In this case, do not forget to pray for them.

Child Baptism

How to choose godparents for a child

Let's figure out who can be taken as godparents and who is better not to call.

* The godparent must be an Orthodox Christian.

* The Church prohibits people of other faiths or atheists from performing in this role.

* The father and mother of the child cannot become his godparents, but other relatives of the baby can become them.

* Godparents do not have to be husband and wife. And in general, there should be no love relationship between them.

* The fact that a pregnant and unmarried woman cannot become the godmother of a child is pure superstition.

* You cannot choose as godparents those who do not lead a lifestyle consistent with their faith.

The last statement relates, of course, to religion, but in fact, this is the most reliable criterion when choosing godparents. You must understand that with close communication, the child will have to take an example from them, and they can teach him something, which means that their way of life should seem correct to you.

How modern godparents behave

Need I say that the duties of godparents, which they were given before, are now rarely of interest to anyone? They don't take their children to church, read the Bible to them, or practice godliness. And since the original purpose is not fulfilled, it turns out that godparents do not have any officially established responsibilities. Everyone behaves the way they think is right.

1 They are close friends. My friend, for example, has three godchildren, and she maintains truly warm relationships with all of them. He takes children to cartoon premieres, arranges birthdays, gives gifts, reads books, and takes them to clubs and classes. Parents more often left their eldest godson with her than with their own grandmothers. She truly loves her "children" and truly believes that a godmother should be involved in their lives.

2 They leave forever. But I don’t know my godmother at all. Like half of my friends. There are many reasons for this: adults stopped communicating, someone moved to another city, children of their own appeared and there was no time for strangers, and much more. The result is the same - the godmother disappears, and not at all in order to appear at the right moment with shoes.

3 They don’t come to you. It also happens that godparents and parents are friends, but they hardly communicate with the child. No, they congratulate the child on his birthdays, give gifts, and meet on joint trips and hikes. But they don’t spend time with their godson.

By the way, this often happens when “second parents” didn’t really want to become one.

The Godfather Who Can't Be Pushed Down the Stairs

How to choose godparents for a child? What are the responsibilities of the recipient, how should he build relationships with the child’s parents? How many godchildren can a person have? Are both a godmother and a godfather necessary for a child's baptism? Do adults need receivers? Can a person who was not present at the christening be considered godfather? Archpriest Arkady Shatov discusses these and many other questions with Irina Artamkina, mother of 9 children.

Before the broadcast, the staff of the Neskuchny Sad magazine prepared and conducted a survey of parents on the topic “Godparents of children in the family.” This time all the parents were surprisingly unanimous. To the question: “ What were you guided by when choosing godparents for your children?
“Everyone answered that they were looking for people close and dear to the family who would always pray for their godchildren.
We were interested in whether godparents have obligations towards their godchildren and vice versa
.
Almost 100 percent of respondents answered that a prayer connection should be established between godchildren and godparents. That is, they must pray for each other, and godparents must become an example of Christian life for their godchildren. Here are some stories that parents told us about their godparents
. One father left with his two older children for St. Petersburg, and mother was left alone at home with the rest of the children. A two-year-old daughter pinched her finger in an iron door and had to go to the hospital urgently. The ambulance arrived, but the mother had no one to leave the children with. All phones are busy or not answered. And so she got through to her godmother, who was supposed to go to her other goddaughter’s birthday party, but she dropped everything and came. The children themselves opened the door for her, and she stayed with them until her mother arrived. But everything turned out to be all right with my daughter, and her finger soon healed. In two families, parents could not find a godfather for the girl and a godfather for the boy. They came to the temple for baptism and asked the first people they met to be godparents. And these people turned out to be absolutely wonderful godparents. In one family, the mother had to go to the maternity hospital, while the children and grandmother remained at home. The older children had to be taken to classes, and the little ones had no one to leave at home with. And this time their godmother came to the rescue. Here's another story from one mother. “My friend and I were due to give birth at the same time and went to the same hospital. My friend had already given birth, and a few days later I also came to this hospital. At the threshold of the department, my husband and I are met by a friend with the news that her newborn daughter was taken to intensive care, and her husband is now bringing the priest to urgently baptize their daughter. We all came together in difficult times. The question arose about who would be the godparents. Spouses cannot be godparents, and a godmother is important for a girl. So, with the blessing of the priest, I became a godmother.” In another family, the godmother takes the mother and children to church every Sunday, making an extra detour of 20-30 minutes.

Father Arkady

: – Irina Georgievna, you don’t confuse the children, do you remember when any of them were born, how old are they?
Irina Artamkina
: – To remember who was born when, I have to strain, but still I remember. As a rule, no errors.

– Although I only have four daughters, for some reason I get confused every time when they ask me how old they are. Every year we have to calculate their age.

– We have reference points: this one is 2 years older than that, and this one is a year younger...

– You have a lot of godparents. How much in total?

– Since we have nine children, our family has quite a lot of godparents - twelve: 5 godfathers and 7 godmothers.

– So, the child doesn’t have a new godfather every time? Some are godparents to two or three children at once?

– Yes, there are godparents whom we called several times.

– I know that some families try to be faithful to one godfather. They believe that if he is good, they do not seek good from goodness, and therefore the same people baptize the first, second, and third child. Is this not the case for you?

- No not like this. Although there were godparents who were called several times, and then they called someone else, but not at all because we didn’t like the first ones. Usually we resolved this issue with the priest. When the child was born, we asked: “Father, who will you bless?” Sometimes he directly advised who to contact. And sometimes he said: “Give me a list of whom you want to take as godparents, and I’ll choose.”

– Do you adhere to the principle that every child should have new godparents so that your spiritual family expands?

– This is a rather difficult question. I asked my father whether it is better to have the same people as godparents or different ones? Once he said that it’s not very good when it’s the same ones. And he brought us a new godmother. And another time I took those that were there before. I love that we have so many godparents because so many people pray for our family. The feeling is good. The bigger, the better.

– A lot of questions arise on the topic of “godparents”: relationships with godparents, how to find a godfather, whether adoptive parents are needed for adults, whether it is necessary to have both a godfather and a godmother. I also had to solve all these questions during my life, because I, like Irina Georgievna, was baptized when I was already an adult, conscious person. I was not 19 years old, but a little older, 22, probably. I still haven’t found answers to many questions for myself. At different times there were different customs associated with godparents. For example, at the beginning of Christian history there was only one recipient of baptism. Then in Russia a tradition arose to have two godparents in the image of blood parents. In some countries, I've heard, there are up to 7 godparents. Before the revolution, they say, godparents did not have to be present at baptisms; they could send someone in their place. And we usually say that if a person is not present at a christening, then he is not a godfather. We would like to discuss all these issues today.

Radio listener: Father, please tell me, at what age can you call a child as godparents?
Can, for example, a 10-year-old girl be her brother's godmother? – We will try to answer together with Irina Georgievna.
Did you have any children as godparents? - No, it was not. Maybe this is even a principled position. It seems to me that the godfather should be different in age from the godson. Now the difference of 10 years is strongly felt, but when the children become adults, 10 years will no longer be so much. It is necessary that the godfather has authority over the godson.

– I know that there are other cases when children in a family really want to be godparents, they take care of their younger brothers and sisters.

– It’s good if there are enough godchildren for everyone. Otherwise it will be very disappointing.

“I know cases when priests still bless children to be godparents, and they become more serious and treat this responsibly. It has a good effect on them. And the parents themselves are not against it. An age difference does not always mean good contact. Sometimes it happens the other way around: when the age difference is smaller, the contact is even better. At some age, children listen more to their older comrades than to their parents or people of a completely different generation.

Radio listener: My good friend, when she was still a teenager, baptized her friend’s child.
And the godfather was some young man. She didn't pay attention to him then. Then 15 years passed, she accidentally met this young man, and they fell in love and got married. They are about to have a baby. They want to come to faith, but the priest refuses to marry them. Is there any possibility for them to get married? – Indeed, in Rus' there is a rule that godmothers and fathers should not be relatives.
They cannot be husband and wife. But, on the other hand, such a case is known. One day, a godfather, who wanted to marry his goddaughter, turned to St. Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow, for a blessing. He raised this girl, and when she grew up, he fell in love with her. The saint considered it possible to bless this marriage, because according to the rules, a child must have one godfather, of the same gender, as was the custom of ancient times. And the breviary in the rite of baptism also speaks of one godfather. So, according to all the rules, a godfather of a different gender is not a godfather. In your case, I do not know what gender the child was who was baptized by the young people. If this is a girl, then the young man may not be considered a godfather. If it is a boy, then the girl may not be considered a godmother. I think that in any case, if the priest refuses to marry them, they need to turn to the ruling bishop for a blessing. If some canons are violated, then the bishop can condescend to the weakness of these people and still bless their marriage. If they live in Moscow, you can go to Chisty Lane, building 5. A priest from the canonical group is always on duty there, you can talk to him, write a petition and submit this issue to the discretion of the bishop. Radio listener: I'm 12 years old.
I have a godmother, but no godfather. My sister will soon be baptized, and she will have both a godmother and a godfather. Can my sister's godfather also become my godfather? - I'm afraid not.
He can replace your godfather if he wants. He can also be considered your godfather. But you can find yourself not only a godfather, but also a spiritual father. This is even more important than a godfather. Irina Georgievna, how did you choose your godparents? Do adults even need godparents? – As has already been said, I was baptized at the age of 28 along with four children. We had practically no one to choose godparents from, because we communicated in a completely different circle, and we did not have friends who went to church. There was only one person who led us to the priest, an acquaintance of my grandmother’s sister. We knew him only from grandmother's stories. And when we had a desire to be baptized, we asked him to help us. He quickly responded to our request, worked hard for us, introduced us to the priest, tried to explain to us as much as possible and showed such interest in our family that we really wanted to invite him to be godparents, especially since he agreed. In addition, even before that, from my grandmother’s stories, I knew a lot of good things about him. She said that he himself, being an elderly man, looked after the old women who at one time, when he was still a child, helped his mother. So he looked for lonely old women and looked after them: he fed them, took care of them. And I gained great respect for him. And besides, all of our relatives were actively against our baptism. I wanted them to be able to treat our godfather with respect, so that they would see in him a person wise with experience. As one of my friends said: “I need a godfather so that my father cannot pull him down the stairs.” I had a similar situation. Our godmothers turned out to be wonderful. We didn’t choose them ourselves, our father did. Then they said that he tried to persuade them for a long time, that they did not dare to take on such responsibility. But luckily for us, he finally persuaded them. And one of them became the godmother of my two children, and the other - the other two children and mine. This was such wonderful support for me! Imagine, adults, a family with four children - and they didn’t know how to cross their foreheads, they didn’t know anything. We tried to read books, but it was not enough. How to raise children, how to live by faith and how to go to church was completely unclear. The godmother of my two children and mine (who later became the successor of another daughter) became my guide in everything. She has a big family, she raised wonderful children, and there was a lot to learn from her. And not even the most important thing is that she could pass on her experience to me. It’s just that her family took our family under their wing, we lived with them side by side in the country for several years, just watched how they lived and tried to do the same. For them it was a feat. Imagine plunging into life with small children and taking on the difficulties of a large family...

Radio listener

: Father, if a woman was approached with a request to become a godmother, and she refused under the pretext that she had many godchildren, should she give up?
And how many godchildren can a person have? I myself have more than 20 godchildren. Once a priest told me that there is no need to refuse, you at least pray for them, call them on the phone, give them a chocolate for their name day. – Irina Georgievna, how many godchildren do you have?
- Not much, only six. It is clear that a mother with nine children is not very willing to be called a godparent.

– Were there any cases when you refused to be a godmother?

“There was a case when my husband and I were called to a family where several children were baptized at once. It seemed to us that we could not help this family in any way, and we decided to refuse. When we came to our priest for a blessing, he said: “What are you, what are you, go immediately.” We left immediately. And, indeed, they were really waiting for us. I can't say that I gave a lot to my godchildren. Although I always tried to pray for them.

– I think each time you need to look at the situation. Of course, when there are many godchildren, you need to be more selective and not immediately agree. But it happens that people may refuse to baptize a child at all if you do not agree. Or it could be the other way around: if you refuse, they may take baptism more seriously. Before giving their consent, the future recipient must find out whether the parents want to raise the child in the faith? Will he have the opportunity to influence his godson? Not only to pray for him, but also to help him come to church? Will parents send their child there? But this applies to non-church families. All this needs to be weighed, consulted with your confessor, and a separate decision made each time. But it’s probably impossible to say unequivocally how many godchildren you can take. In general, very difficult questions arise with godparents when baptizing, say, children in an orphanage or on missionary trips. You come to a village where sometimes there is no one to take as godparents...

Radio listener: I have a goddaughter, she will be three years old.
She and I live in different cities, and I have no influence on her. This girl's main influence is her parents. In their home, as a rule, the TV is on and swear words are heard. What can I do for my goddaughter in this situation? What will I be responsible for before God? - God, of course, will not ask us what we cannot do.
If life turned out this way, it was God’s providence that you separated and ended up in different cities, well, what are you going to do here? Nothing. Maybe you can write letters to your goddaughter, send books. But most importantly, you can pray for this girl. Radio listener: I have a question. My niece took a boy from an orphanage. And somehow he lived with me after his illness. One day I went to church, but I had nowhere to leave the child, so I took him with me. My niece told me that the boy was baptized. But there was no cross on it. I took communion myself and gave him communion. And now I doubt whether I did the right thing, because my relationship with my niece has deteriorated. “I think if you gave him communion, that’s very good.” Nowadays, children are very often baptized in orphanages. Many priests doubt whether children can be baptized under these conditions. But if it is possible to give them communion... There are orphanages where children are baptized, and then given communion, a priest comes to them. And the fact that the child is baptized is noted in his chart. The baptismal certificate is kept along with the child's documents. If a child is adopted, then they definitely talk about it, it is somehow taken into account. Therefore, it may well be that this child was baptized. Irina Georgievna, I wonder how godparents helped your children? What did they do to strengthen their children in the faith?

– I would also like to talk about how godparents helped the whole family, because raising parents in the faith is a great help to children. We learned from our godparents to go to church. We went from the dacha to early liturgies, and while it was still dark we ran to the train to be on time for the service. Only by personal example could the godparents inspire us to such feats. As for children specifically... One of my daughters has a godfather. When he comes to visit us at church, she always happily runs to take the blessing and knows that he always prays for her. And if children have difficulties, they can turn to their godfather with a request to pray. Maybe without even explaining the reason. Experience shows that in this situation problems dissolve or are solved more easily than it seemed at first.

Radio listener

: My closest relatives are expecting a new addition to their family; they are expecting a girl.
And they want to ask their confessor, and this is the rector of a large parish, a famous priest, to be her godfather. If the priest agrees, it will be a great honor for us to receive such a prayer book for a girl. But we understand that the priest has a shortage of time. What do you say to this? – A priest can be a godfather only as an exception.
Because he doesn't have time to deal with godparents. He has spiritual children to whom he needs to devote time and attention. Of course, he will pray, but parents should not demand from the priest what he cannot do. If a girl is born, then maybe this is nothing, because the godmother of this girl bears greater responsibility, she should deal more with her. All these issues need to be taken into account. The priest may also disagree because others will also begin to ask him to become godfather, they will have to refuse, and they may be offended. I try not to take on such responsibility. Irina Georgievna, do you manage to help your godchildren? – I’m not a very good godmother, because I rarely have the opportunity to meet my godchildren. But I believe that my main task, on the one hand, is to pray for them, and, on the other hand, so that they know and remember for the rest of their lives that there is a loved one to whom they can always turn. It seems to me that a godfather should create in his godson a feeling of not so much celebration as love. I don’t know if I succeeded, but I tried to congratulate my godchildren in some special way, sometimes inviting them on trips. To make them feel like they are family to me.

– Indeed, some special relationships develop with godparents. Godparents do not participate in the child’s daily upbringing, do not teach him to brush his teeth, lace his shoes, do not scold him for failing him... Everyday life does not concern them. Relationships with godparents become festive, joyful and more sublime.

“My children’s godparents are always a joy and a celebration.” I tried to make sure that it was the same for my godchildren. But I don’t know if it worked.

– But still, the godparents do not take a direct part in raising your children? You don’t consult with them, they don’t talk to the child in difficult cases, during adolescence?

– I believe that, first of all, my godparents supported me during the transitional age of my children. In addition, they simply invited their children to visit them and tried to cover all their shortcomings with love. It seems to me that all problems of adolescence are solved with love.

- And patience.

– A lot can be solved. For this I am very grateful to the godparents of my children.

– Sometimes godparents are chosen for some mercantile reasons: they look for richer people so that the child receives gifts from them. Sometimes this really happens. Or they choose young people. They say that you can’t take the old ones, because they will die, and there will be no one to take care of the child. What do you think about it?

– Wealth is a transitory thing, the situation can change. It is necessary to choose a person who would become a senior friend and assistant in spiritual life for the child. Although this does not exclude the fact that godparents very often help with specific deeds. My daughter, for example, was in the hospital with her little goddaughter. At the same time, I wouldn’t send my godfather to music school. We need to “save” it for some more serious moments in life. But if the godfather invites you to go on some kind of excursion, to a museum or on a hike, this is always a great joy for the child, and this is very good.

– Irina Georgievna, I once read a book about pre-revolutionary etiquette. It talked about the duties of a godfather: at christening he must give the child a cross, when teeth appear - a teaspoon... Are there such traditions in your family?

– It’s always very nice when godparents give a cross. Then the children look at it and remember that their godfather gave it to them. We once had such a situation. My daughter was given crosses by both her godfather and her godmother. It was somehow a pity to refuse, and she was baptized directly with two crosses. I don’t know how canon this is, but she has two crosses and she is very happy.

– Were there any cases in your family when godparents were absentee? This happens sometimes. So they come to be baptized: “Father, write it down, they’re not here now, they’re my godparents”...

– We once had a very interesting situation in our family. The thing is, my eldest daughter and I are godparents of the same girl. This happened because the parents of this girl wanted my daughter to be a godmother. By that time, she had already graduated from school and was studying at the institute. But by the time of the baptism, my daughter was away and did not have time to arrive. My parents were ready to agree to my participation in the christening. Therefore, I was present alone during the baptism. But, nevertheless, they even included both me and my daughter in the baptismal certificate. And the priest told me then: “Now you will be godmother.” She is the godmother, I am the godgrandmother. And we have a wonderful goddaughter.

– Relationships may still not be fully formalized. A person can be called a godfather, although formally he is not one.

– My daughter considers herself godmother and fulfills the corresponding duties.

Radio listener

: I wanted to share a rather sad experience.
It so happened that we moved from one place to another and went to the same temple for a year. I confessed to the same priest for a year. Then our second baby was born, and we had to baptize him. I called the priest, asked for blessings for the christening and said: “Father, could you find us a godfather.” And then the priest said quite sharply: “Look for anyone, it’s all the same, it’s a formality.” I tried to argue, but in vain. As a result, we quickly found a godfather - a neighbor. He turned out to be a completely non-church man. We only managed to find out that he was baptized. Now he is dead. And we never found the godmother. There remains a small resentment. Of course, I confessed this sin, but the feeling of resentment still no, no, and it will come up. How to deal with this situation? – I think we need to come to terms with this.
Well, what can you do? It seems to me that in our time, very often the role that godparents should fulfill is performed by confessors. They help in raising children. And if there is no godfather, there is nothing you can do about it. It happens that you even have to baptize a child without godparents. One priest told me that during times of persecution they baptized like this: there were only the priest, mother and child. Sometimes we baptize children in an orphanage. It happens that some people agree to be godparents. And some do not agree, because being godparents to orphans is a big responsibility. And then they baptize without godparents, unfortunately. “Then I can say that, in fact, the priest plays a very important role in raising our children.” We simply bow to him.

- I think that godparents, priests, parents - we are all not fathers and educators.
As the Gospel says: “Do not call anyone your father on earth.” We only perform a service role to one degree or another, and the Lord can use everyone to help a person. Sometimes it happens that a good relationship with a child develops not with the godfather, but with some other adult. And here you need to trust God and not be offended by the priest, who probably did the wrong thing. God will be his judge. – It happens like this: when a person agreed to become a godfather, it seemed to him that the child’s family was church. And then it turned out that people moved away from the Church, or the bustle got to them, and they stopped going to church. And so the child grows up away from the Church. On the one hand, the godfather feels responsible and wants to somehow help the child. On the other hand, to what extent can he go against the parents, so as not to create a conflict between them and the child, if he has already reached school age? What should a godfather do in this situation? – The godfather must church the child, take him to church. We take it too formally. But the function of the godfather is not simply that of a “porter”: “he brought the child to the temple and gave him communion.” The godfather must help the child establish himself in faith. And if it is not possible to bring a child to church, you can plant the seeds of faith in the child’s soul in another way - in a conversation, in a story. The godfather's task is to maintain joyful and loving communication with the child until he grows up and is free. As long as parents can prevent their child from going to church, you won’t argue and quarrel with them?

– So you need to play the role of such a good friend without creating confrontation? – I think there is no need to create confrontation with parents. This will definitely resonate later. Conducting some kind of secret work against parents and saying: “Just don’t tell your parents,” will somehow turn out ugly. But you can read good books with your child, not even the Gospel. You can take your child not to the temple, but to some other places. You can watch a good movie with him and then talk about this topic. The main thing is to confirm the child’s faith, so that the seeds of goodness will sink into his soul and then quietly germinate. Then, when the child is already free from the care of his parents, he himself will come to his godfather, and then he will talk to him about Christ, about faith. It doesn’t have to be direct – you can use some allegories and symbols. And it is important to maintain love and good relationships with this child.

Radio listener: - During the Sacrament of Baptism, the godparents read the “Creed” and make vows for the child. Does it mean that they have greater spiritual obligations to their spiritual child and God than their parents? “It’s hard to say who has the big responsibilities.” Godparents are guarantors for the child before God. They undertake to raise the child in the faith, and this is a serious responsibility.

What to do if you are invited to become a godmother?

To begin with, think everything through well. Do you want this, are you ready? If yes, then you should contact the church where the ceremony will take place and find out what is required of you. Previously, godparents had to confess, go through the communion procedure (this is still a common practice today) and know some prayers by heart.

Disputes often arise over who pays for the christening, buys everything needed, and what gifts should be given to the child. In fact, there are no strict rules here.

In the old days, for example, it was customary to give a silver spoon “for the first tooth” at christenings.

Now godparents often give a cross and a chain, but this is not at all necessary.

Irina says: “We chose and bought all this ourselves. If only because we liked the rather expensive baptismal set, and it would be wrong to demand that godparents buy it.”

But some parents do the opposite. Not only do they expect godparents to take such a step, but they also indicate the price, metal and weight. This is, of course, not correct.

The same applies to payment for the procedure itself, gifts and other financial issues. Of course, if the future godparents themselves want to pay the fee, and you consider this acceptable, then there are no questions. But making godparents responsible for this is, to put it mildly, not very nice. But, in any case, everyone here is guided by their own principles. At all times, godparents were different.

Some came to the rescue, supported and helped with the purchase of a dress for the ball, while others did not see that the godson needed help. What kind of godmother you will become - choose for yourself.

At baptism, they usually give the name of a saint, whose day of celebration falls on the baby’s birthday or the next few days. But a worldly name may not coincide with a church name. If a child is named by a name that is not in the calendar, then at baptism a name that is consonant is chosen.

Responsibilities of a godfather after Baptism

The responsibilities of the godfather, which he assumes in the Sacrament of Baptism, are very serious, so you must clearly understand what is required of you in the future.

The godfather is obliged to give spiritual education to his godson, bring to the child’s attention the main canons of the Orthodox faith, teach the child to resort to the saving sacraments of Confession and Communion, help parents in raising and caring for the godson, and bear responsibility for the upbringing and life of the child in the event that something will happen to his parents. But, of course, the main responsibility of the godfather is prayer for the godson.

The responsibilities of godparents also include guarding the godson from various temptations and sinful temptations, which pose a particular danger in childhood and adolescence. The godfather, knowing the character, talents and desires of the godson, can help him with the choice of education, future profession and even a spouse.

Remember that the fate of your godson will largely depend on how well you fulfill your duties as a godfather, so a frivolous attitude towards them is simply unacceptable.

Now you understand why you should not thoughtlessly agree to an invitation to become a godfather, especially if you already have a godson. Think about whether you have enough strength, patience, wisdom and love to cope with such a serious responsibility as the spiritual education of your child.

Who relates to whom and by whom?

It's easy to get confused in Russian family ties. We often forget who belongs to whom and by whom. As for the rite of baptism, this is how things stand.

At baptism, they usually give the name of a saint, whose day of celebration falls on the baby’s birthday or the next few days. But a worldly name may not coincide with a church name. If a child is named by a name that is not in the calendar, then at baptism a name that is consonant is chosen.

* Godfather is the child’s godfather, in relation to the baby’s parents and his godmother.

* Kuma is the child’s godmother in relation to the child’s parents and godfather.

Everyone now condemns nepotism in politics, but previously helping godchildren was quite common and widespread. There are many sayings about godfathers, including some very funny ones!

This is how it is done - the parents decide and sign up for baptism. Positive emotions, of course, have never harmed anyone, but still think about whether you are truly ready for the baptism of your baby? Guests and a photo shoot are not bad at all, but you can wait until your birthday.

Are godfather and godfather one Satan?

“What kind of godfather is she who wasn’t under godfather?!” - the people sing a cheerful song. The meaning of this phrase suggests that sexual relations between the child’s godparents are welcomed, which is a grave mistake, a sin.

In order to clearly understand the inadmissibility of sexual activity between godfathers, it is necessary to understand who a godfather is and who a godfather is in relation to God. A man and a woman who baptize the same baby are considered relatives in the face of the Almighty , and if intimacy happens between them, then, in fact, they will commit an act of incest.

Also, a husband and wife who are married and live a full family life do not have the right to become godparents of the same child.

Thus, answering the question “godfather and godfather are who are related” to each other, we can safely say that they are no one, absolute strangers, connected only by spiritual kinship , but nothing more. They can become friends, communicate warmly, visit each other, congratulate each other on holidays, because now they have one concern for both of them - the care of the receiver.

But in relation to the godson’s parents, godfathers may be blood relatives. For example, many often take close relatives - sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, nieces - as godparents to their baby.