Who can become godparents?
The choice of godparents (godfather and godfather) is perhaps the most important issue that needs to be resolved before baptizing a child.
Church rules dictate that these should be unmarried people. The bride and groom, the guy and the girl won't do either. The child’s stepfather/stepmother cannot also be a godfather/godmother.
There is also a superstition that a pregnant woman cannot become a godfather (although the church does not give strict instructions on this matter).
Nowadays, many parents prefer to choose people involved in the family - good friends, and sometimes even relatives (for example, a sister or brother - the baby's aunt or uncle) for the role of godfather. This is understandable - it is more likely that these people will begin to take further part in the fate of the baby, he will grow up before their eyes..
But in the old days it was recommended not to do so!
Close friends and especially relatives - they are already involved in the baby, and if something happens they will certainly help. But parents could offer to be a godfather to people not from their immediate social circle, but, for example, to someone rich, influential...
It was believed (and this was mostly true!) that if a person agreed to become a godfather/godmother, then he cannot simply disappear and stop being interested in the fate of his godson. So the parents tried to find influential and wealthy patrons for their baby...
Who should we choose as godparents in our time?
Perhaps the most objective criterion is that people who are suitable for godparents are those who take this mission seriously, who want and are ready to help the child through life, etc.
The most serious (but, alas, not uncommon) mistake is when organizing a christening, inviting a “wedding general” to play the role of godfather - a person who will conditionally play this role at the christening and disappear from the life of your family forever! It is stupid to invite someone famous, or rich, or a person of clergy rank to a child’s baptism as a godfather, if it is for no more than one day and almost “for fun”!
The Church does not require any special status or position from godparents, and such a “wedding general” will not provide any benefits to the baby in life!
Is it possible to refuse the christening of a child?
If a person internally feels that he is not ready to become a godparent and cannot conscientiously fulfill the mission entrusted to him, he has every right to refuse to become a godfather. The Orthodox Church does not see sin in such an act. On the contrary, it will be honest to yourself, to the child, to his parents. It is much worse when a person agrees to take responsibility, but does not fulfill his promises to God and does not participate in the spiritual upbringing of the child.
Nowadays, some parents do not fully understand the responsibilities that the church assigns to the spiritual mentor. Therefore, they choose a godfather not by faith, but by a person with a fat wallet. After the christening, they begin to demand expensive gifts from him for each holiday for their child.
If a person understands that he received an offer to become a godfather only in order to financially support a child, moreover, when he sees that he cannot bear such a burden, he may refuse.
When to baptize a child?
You need to visit the church in advance and agree to organize the christening. Usually children are baptized no earlier than the 40th day after their birth, but this does not mean that there is necessarily a need to rush - baptism is allowed at any age, even for an adult!
Before the 40-day period, a child can be baptized in emergency situations - for example, when there is fear for his life.
According to ancient Christian custom, an unbaptized baby could not be shown to anyone - only his parents and household (brothers, sisters, grandmothers, etc.) saw him. It was believed that before christening a child does not yet have a heavenly Patron and is vulnerable to evil forces...
The rush to organize christenings was caused by this. Nowadays, few people follow traditions so strictly, so there are no mandatory dates for baptism as such.
Church opinion
In Orthodoxy, Baptism is a sacrament in which a person is freed from original sin and the child becomes a full member of the Church. According to Christian traditions, the ceremony can be performed on a baby at any age; it does not have to be done on the 8th or 40th day from the moment of birth.
It is a great honor for a person to be invited to be the godfather of a child. This suggests that the blood parents trust him with their offspring. The recipient will bear the cross of responsibility for the spiritual development of the child. It is not accepted to refuse a request without compelling reasons.
On the contrary, if the offer comes from dysfunctional parents, you must agree. The chosen person needs to rejoice that the Lord is giving him the opportunity to spiritually influence his godson and try to raise him to be a true believer. The main godmother for a girl should be a woman, for a boy - a man. Therefore, one spiritual mentor is enough for a child.
The rite of baptism is an important event in the fate of the child and the recipient. Before agreeing, the godfather should think carefully about whether he will be able to fulfill his obligations for the spiritual education of his godson throughout his life.
What happens during the baptism ceremony in the church?
In general, tradition dictates that godparents rather than natural parents should think about the question of how to organize a child’s christening. Financial expenses associated with christening are borne by the future godfather (although in modern realities, expenses can be distributed between godparents and natural parents in shares acceptable to them).
Godparents must prepare in advance the necessary attributes of baptism - ritual gifts (on the website “Beautiful and Successful” we have already written about what to give for a child’s baptism).
The godmother gives an icon of the Patron Saint, a kryzhma (the cloth in which the baby is wrapped after the font) and elegant clothes that the baby will wear on this day. New clothes on a child are considered a lucky omen! The godfather gives a pectoral cross and a chain to it.
On the appointed day, the godparents must come to the godson’s house and “pick up” him from his parents - everyone goes to church together. In general, the ritual itself does not require the presence of other relatives, but if they really want to be present, it does not prohibit it.
Women should go to church without makeup, with scarves on their heads.
During the ceremony, the baby is first in the arms of the godmother, then in the arms of the godfather. The godparents will need to read the “Creed” prayer (it is advisable to know it by heart). Then the priest takes the baby and immerses him in the font. A cross is put on the child - from that moment on he is a baptized Christian. After this, it is wrapped in kryzhma and then dressed.
Is it enough to just pray for your godson?
Donnie Ray Jones
— Father Fedor, do you have an example of a real godparent? What kind of person is this?
“I have before my eyes the example of my own godmother. When I was 9 years old, my dad, at the request of friends, helped her move furniture. In her apartment, he saw icons and said: “We are thinking about baptizing our daughter and son, would you like to become a godmother?” At the same time, dad himself was unbaptized, and mom, although she was baptized in childhood, was extremely far from church life. Vera Alekseevna agreed, but made her father promise not to interfere with her fulfilling her duties. Not understanding what he was getting himself into, Dad nodded. And so it began.
Three times a year Vera Alekseevna called and said: “On Sunday I’m taking Anya and Fedya, we’re going to church with them, don’t feed them in the morning.” And she took us to church, and after the service she took out a thermos and sandwiches from her bag and fed us. Did we understand anything then? Hardly. Rather, they whined that standing at work hurt their backs.
My godmother gave me a paper-bound prayer book and emphasized in it the prayers “To the Heavenly King,” “Our Father,” and “Virgin Mother of God.” After a while she asked: “Are you reading your prayers?” I lied that I was reading, although no one prayed at home, and I didn’t do it myself either. But the godmother took the prayer book and said: “You’re lying. If you had read it, the cover would have been wrinkled.” I felt ashamed, and ever since then I have been reading my morning prayers to this day.
It was her firmness that created what I personally perceive as a miracle: my sister and I, children from a family far from the Church, found God, found the meaning around which our lives were built and continue to be built.
As I later found out, Vera Alekseevna, who did not have her own children, had about thirty godchildren. Three became priests, and almost all came to the Church. The godmother organized Christmas and Easter holidays, where they talked about the Church and faith, read poems by Russian poets about God. This was, of course, an amazing apostolic ministry in Soviet times.
Caribbean
- Today, many church people also have 10, 20, 30 godchildren. But due to busyness, it is simply not possible to pay so much attention to their godparents.
- Unfortunately, this is my problem too. Many of my classmates, knowing that I was a priest, asked me to be the godfather of their children. And some of them, despite all my persuasion, did not take their children to church while they were small. And I live far away, and I myself have eight children - I was so busy that I simply could not take care of the godchildren. Of course, I’m just justifying myself now. But in fact, I feel guilty and repent.
— But you probably remember all your godchildren in prayer every day. Or is this not enough?
- Yes, I remember. And of course, do not underestimate the power of prayer. My godfather, a priest, served in Torzhok, so he could not take care of me. And although I believe that I owe my coming to the Church mainly to my godmother, I think his prayers also played a significant role in this. But prayerful work, supported by some kind of action, is certainly better.
Of course, if your godson’s family is a church family, the parents themselves go to church with him, pray, read the Gospel and try to live by it. A lot of my godchildren and goddaughters live in precisely such families, and I pray for them, and my soul does not hurt for them, as it does for children from non-church families. And yet, I would still like to be more involved in the lives of my godchildren.
How to properly organize a christening at home?
After the church ceremony is completed, family, godparents and guests usually head home to celebrate. But the baptism of a child is not a secular holiday, and it is unlikely that anyone would think it appropriate to turn it into an ugly drinking party!
In addition, celebrating a christening at home is also a viewing party for the baby - all relatives and friends are invited (sometimes not only the closest ones), i.e. a wider circle of people than were present in the church.
You can organize a christening in the form of a dinner, with traditional cuisine on the table. Pies, pies, various salads and pickles, etc. are good. (except for pancakes - a bad omen). But there is a minimum of alcohol (tradition does not involve alcohol at christenings at all). You can limit yourself to tea with a themed cake (if only a small circle of your closest people gathers). —— Author – Dasha Blinova, website www.sympaty.net – Beautiful and Successful
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Responsibilities after baptism
The godmother (duties during baptism consist of observing all established church rules during the sacrament) after the ceremony assumes a number of functions:
- constant prayers for your pupil;
- submitting notes for church services regarding the child’s health;
- mention in morning and evening prayers;
- teaching an already grown child to piety, mercy and kindness;
- visiting temples together and reading prayers.
Also, the godmother should tell the pupil about the importance of Christian rituals, fasting, confession and communion.
After christening, the godmother becomes a second mother, she helps with kind words, support, advice, thereby guiding you on the true path and helping you cope with difficult situations in life.
Also, every year on his birthday, angel’s day and christening day, she congratulates the pupil, gives him some gifts, and it doesn’t matter whether they are expensive or not, the main thing is that love and attention are given along with them.
Rules approved by ancestors
The rules for choosing recipients are dictated by common sense and tradition. Popular beliefs clearly indicate who should not be invited to an important role. Some traditions are based on simple logic.
Others may seem strange, unjustified superstitions to young people. However, we must not forget that behind every sign there are centuries of folk experience.
All folk signs about godparents have been tested and confirmed by generations. By neglecting the experience of your ancestors, you can bring disaster to the child and his parents, both biological and church.
- There should not be more than two receivers.
- Sometimes there are situations when it is not possible to invite a suitable couple. In this case, the church recommends that the girl be baptized by a woman and the boy by a man.
- Only fellow believers are allowed to attend the sacrament.
- The man and woman must be baptized.
Regular requests for money
Anastasia, that’s the name of her husband’s wife, began to constantly turn to Varvara for financial help. Such requests began almost immediately. Nastya called and told Varvara that since she was godmother, she was obliged to send her money. Varvara was already a wealthy woman at that time. She unquestioningly sent her the necessary and often quite large sums. According to Nastya, they were needed for medicines for the child, various paid medical procedures, special baby food and much more. The child’s mother did not even hesitate to ask for money to pay for a nanny, so that the young mother could rest and get a good night’s sleep. Such calls began to occur regularly.
When the baby was about to turn 1 year old, Varvara was not invited to the party. They explained their refusal by saying that the baby was not healthy. However, at the same time, Nastya asked her godmother to buy a gift for the child - an expensive wheelchair.
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The beginning of the story
The woman I want to talk about will be called Varvara. She lives in the capital of Ukraine, in the city of Kyiv. She came to this city very young, when she had just turned 18 years old. Her goal was to enter an educational institution. She successfully passed the exams and was enrolled as a student. Like most young girls, she lacked money in this huge city of temptation. Therefore, I had to earn extra money as a simple cleaner in order to ensure my own existence and allocate a little finances for rare pleasures. Today Varvara has become a successful, prosperous woman. She holds the position of deputy director of a very large organization.
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According to Varvara, she left her hometown without the permission of her mother, who was categorically against her departure. The three of them lived: their mother, Varvara and her younger brother Volodya, who was only 8 years old at that time. Her mother’s fate did not work out, and she wanted to somehow arrange it, leaving her daughter with her as a nanny. However, the young girl had completely different plans; she wanted to study and get an education. As a result, in defiance of her mother, the girl left for Kyiv, completed her studies and achieved success in her career. Nothing worked out with her personal life either. At first there was no time, I had to think about studying and my own food. And then time was simply lost. She loved her family very much, always congratulated them on holidays, sent them gifts and helped financially as much as she could. When her brother grew up and decided to get married, Varvara paid for his wedding in full, which she didn’t even have to attend, since she was forced to urgently go on a business trip.
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