What is resentment?
Resentment creates a barrier not only between people - the offended and the offended, the insulter and the offended. Resentment towards a specific person, or even towards the whole world, puts a barrier between us and God. Offense is a twilight state of the soul, its preoccupation with its real, but more often imaginary, infringement, when all thoughts and feelings are concentrated on one thing: “I was offended! How dare they!”
Resentment
- the constant companion of pride. Resentment is an indicator that we consider ourselves, our “I,” to be the center of the universe. An indicator that we have moved God to the periphery of our inner world. A witness to how weak our ability to love is. Resentment is an eclipse that hides the truth from us: that the Lord loves us, that He wishes us well and is always “looking for ways to save us.” Vulnerability from insult or injustice arises from the fact that we see ourselves and our offenders as the main characters in our lives. Therefore, as a result, revenge grows out of resentment, the desire to get even with the scoundrel - retaliatory malice, slander, lies, slander, and even murder.
What if you offended a loved one, a weak one?
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- If you have offended someone close and dear to you, then it is many times harder to forgive. It is easier to forgive when they offend you personally. When it’s different, we often come to the defense of the weak, the child or the parents.
- Yes, here we are ready to lay down our souls for our friends. And the prophets denounced people not for themselves, but for God, for truth and justice. Throw stones at a prophet, throw dirt at him, he is a prophet. Unfortunately, they were stoned quite often. But the prophet stands up for the offended, for the insulted. He denounces the decline of morals, he denounces the falling away from God.
By standing up for others, we are being fair. It is only important that we really understand the limits, that we act not biasedly: “they offended me” and no matter for what or what, but understand that this aggressive person is really wrong.
Yes, we cannot forgive the offender for what he did to our child or our parents. The saints could do this. Let us remember Elizaveta Feodorovna, the great martyr, who asked to have mercy on her husband’s murderer and to cancel the death sentence. In this case, she really wanted the person to come to realization and repentance, so that God’s power would be over him.
Therefore, in such matters, we can turn to the saints who were able to forgive, to the holy Grand Duchess Elizabeth for prayerful help, so that we, too, can place concern for the human soul of the offender above any earthly offense.
How to forgive?
Don’t forget the insult, don’t push it into the far corner of your subconscious, and especially don’t hide it in the depths of your heart, waiting for the hour of retribution, no! All this is destructive to the soul in which resentment has been allowed to take a strong foothold. Therefore, the most important question of spiritual health is: how to forgive?
After all, only forgiveness, as an act of love, can destroy evil. And the experience of forgiveness brings us closer to God.
So, having stifled the outburst of anger within yourself, move on. Don’t let resentment take root and register in your heart for a long time. Don't cherish it. Don’t let her torment yourself with the thought of how unfair they are to you. Remember, the Holy Fathers advise, how often you yourself offended. How often he was unmerciful, cruel or simply inattentive. Busy with his own problems, selfishly cold towards the pain of others. Having remembered, think: “Forgive me, Lord! I myself am no better than the offender!”
But if you still understand that the offender is objectively doing evil, have pity on him - because “there is nothing more dangerous than being on the side of the forces of evil,” have pity, and do not stand on the same plane with him, acting with his own methods. Pray for the unfortunate person, remember Christ: “Lord, forgive them! Because they don’t know what they are doing!”
Try not to remember the harm done to you in the future. Find something good in someone who has offended you. Keep this in mind at all times. Try to restore broken good relationships. Sincere humility on the part of the offended person, imbued with love, has more than once pacified the most severe offenders.
How are forgiveness and repentance related?
Anna Sakharova, Moscow
Dear Fr. Georgy,
Please explain the concepts of “forgiveness”, “confession” and “repentance”. Are they the same thing or different? How do they relate to each other?
The priest's answer. Georgy Kochetkov:
This is a very important question. Repentance is either a return to God or a correction of one’s mind. Confession is an admission of one's sins. A person, returning to God or wanting to correct his mind, his spiritual world, must admit to himself and God, or perhaps someone close to him, that he still has thoughts that require correction, forgiveness and repentance. And repentance leads to forgiveness. Repentance is a cry for forgiveness. Repentance is the path to gaining forgiveness from man and God - and first of all from God. If we truly repent, we must include in this repentance and asking forgiveness for our sins from God and from people. It is very important. These are really very close things - “confession”, “repentance” and “finding forgiveness”. And all of them are necessary in order to be able to live the Christian vocation without losing the fullness of the gift of such life.
Mikhail Belyakov, Moscow
Dear Fr. Georgy!
What does it mean to forgive a person from a Christian point of view without the sacrament of repentance? Is the commandment “Do not judge...” violated? How does the “Great Power of Forgiveness” manifest itself for the forgiver and the forgiven? Is forgiveness an act or a process, a (spiritual) path? If a path, then what are its main stages?
Thank you.
The priest's answer. Georgy Kochetkov:
The fact is that the commandment “Do not judge” is not absolute. There is a commandment from the Gospel, from Christ: Do not judge falsely, so that you are not judged; For with the judgment you judge, you will be judged. Elsewhere in the Gospel it says: judge without hypocrisy, but judge. There is no command of God obliging a Christian not to have sober judgments about people or about situations in their lives, about their behavior. There is only a requirement for the righteousness of this judgment. And negative judgments are an inevitable, even necessary part of our lives. If we do not evaluate sin as sin, then we will not be able to fulfill God’s commandments, we will not even be able to repent or come to confession. After all, for this we must at least condemn ourselves, our sins and the evil that may come from us.
The very common opinion that a negative judgment is already a condemnation is unfair. This becomes a condemnation only in one case - if, when making a negative judgment, we do not assume forgiveness for a person for one or another of his sins or shortcomings, when we do not believe in man and God. That’s when our judgment becomes ominous, becomes a condemnation that is completely unnecessary from the Lord’s point of view. But if we repent, if we forgive another person - in confession or not in confession (and we must show love everywhere and always, and not just in confession) - then we fulfill the word of Christ.
Forgiveness is both an act of love and a process of correcting a person and life. And its stages may be different. Every spiritual act unfolds in historical time as a process. There is always a place for some kind of preparation - spiritual remembrance, including the fact that you yourself have received forgiveness; some epiclesis - an invocation of the gift of the Holy Spirit as a power that will help us forgive; some intercession for the person we forgive, etc. This is a purely ascetic moment: we consciously narrow our path in order to bear greater fruit.
Tatyana Golovina (Moscow, St. George's Brotherhood)
1. Father, please tell me how forgiveness is related to faith? What does it mean to receive forgiveness from God? The Gospel of Luke 5:19-20 says: “... they took apart the tiles and lowered him and his stretcher into the middle of the rest, in front of Jesus. And He, seeing their faith, said: Man, your sins are forgiven you.” It can be assumed that forgiveness in this case means that this person receives strength from God to change his life, or, more precisely, the person’s communication with God is restored.
The priest's answer. Georgy Kochetkov:
Of course, forgiveness is connected with receiving strength from God, and it is also connected with faith. The Gospel says that Christ could say to the sick person: “Pick up your bed and walk” - but He wanted to show that healing is associated with forgiveness, which is given by a person’s faith. And so he said to the sick man: “Your sins are forgiven.” He corrected a person’s life, and therefore even physical and mental imperfections, pathologies, illnesses moved away from this person, a miracle happened - the person recovered. This is a wonderful place in the Gospel.
2. So many times we ask God for forgiveness for the same thing, and we repeat it again and again. Is it that we don’t believe that God forgives us, or we simply don’t want to change, don’t accept the gifts of the Spirit to change our lives? In this context, we cannot be offended by anyone at all, because... forgiveness is God's work. We must believe that a person can change, right?
The priest's answer. Georgy Kochetkov:
Everything is actually much more complicated. Human nature is corrupted, “receptive to evil,” as the holy fathers say, therefore it is often prone to the same sins, habits, words, thoughts, images, actions. That is why change and correction of a person does not happen immediately. We said that forgiveness is not only a spiritual act, but also a process that unfolds in historical time. Life was given to us so that we could, by asking God for forgiveness, learn His answer to our request.
Of course, we must believe that a person can change. Forgiveness is God’s business, but it is also our business, man’s business. It is the synergy that is of great importance here.
Why do you need to forgive?
We are all sinners, we all need God's Grace - on the one hand. And we are all connected to each other - to the other. The sin of one inevitably leads to a chain reaction of evil. Stopping the avalanche, which would have destroyed our world long ago, is possible only with love. And, as a private manifestation of this love, forgiveness. Explaining these spiritual axioms to us, the Lord thus defines the condition according to which we can be forgiven: “... if you forgive people their sins, then your Heavenly Father will also forgive you; and if you do not forgive people their trespasses, then your Father will not forgive you your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15). Moreover, God gives us a measure - that is, he formulates how much we will be forgiven and pardoned: exactly as much as we ourselves have learned to forgive. Remember, in the Lord’s Prayer we ourselves ask the Lord: “and forgive us our debts, just as we forgive our debtors.”
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Many Christian sermons have been spoken about forgiveness and many books have been written. And yet we still have questions, and everyone has to look for answers to them themselves, even if sometimes resorting to the help of spiritually experienced people. Does forgiveness always mean a complete restoration of the previous relationship? And if not always, how do we know if we are on the path to forgiveness? Is forgiveness compatible with asserting one's personal boundaries? What to do if you can’t forgive, you’re not able to? This is discussed by the cleric of the Cathedral of the Holy Life-Giving Trinity of the Life Guards Izmailovsky Regiment in St. Petersburg, the famous church publicist Archpriest Konstantin Parkhomenko and his wife, family psychologist Elizaveta Parkhomenko.
— In the New Testament, the theme of forgiveness arises immediately, but is it alien to the Old Testament?
Archpriest Konstantin Parkhomenko: When the Old Testament says an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth (Lev. 24 , 20), we are not talking about forgiveness of the offender, but this is nevertheless a step forward compared to pre-biblical ideas about blood feud - for once inflicted the offense was avenged for a long time; they could kill not only the offender himself, but also all members of his family. So the principle of equal retribution introduced by the Lord in the Old Testament, of course, limited evil. But there was no talk of any forgiveness. Christ was the first to speak about forgiveness. This is one of the Savior’s favorite themes; many of Christ’s teachings, including parables, are related to it. And Christ not only teaches, He shows by His example the ideal of forgiveness. He never holds a grudge against anyone and, even dying on the Cross, forgives His tormentors and murderers: Father, forgive them, they do not know what they are doing (cf. Luke 23 , 34). And by His death on the cross, He forgives all humanity all the atrocities committed earlier. However, it must be clarified that He does not grant such forgiveness to everyone, but to those who accept Him as the Redeemer and Son of God.
So, a person is given the opportunity to start life anew. And an infinitely forgiven Christian, starting his Christian life, must also forgive other people. This is stated in the prayer that Christ Himself left for us - “Our Father”: “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” The older version read: “...just as we have forgiven our debtors.” Ancient Christians started from the fact that they were forgiven and had already forgiven everyone, that they were now building human relationships in a new way. But gradually the Church began to understand that, unfortunately, we do not reach this level - we would like to forgive, but so far we are just learning to forgive. Therefore, the word was changed to reflect this thought: “Forgive us as much as we learn to forgive.”
When I was a boy, I had a friend whom I loved very much. And one day he laughed at me in the presence of a group of street kids. This was a blow for me... Then he came to me many times, but I was never able to establish communication with him. I was far from faith, and I remember that this story hurt me very much. I was very sad that I lost a close friend. Although, to tell the truth, I lost it not through the fault of that boy, but through my own narrowness and inability to forgive. Now I have a different attitude towards such human actions - I forgive people, I understand that anyone can stumble, that I myself have committed sins towards my neighbors. This is how in a marriage spouses are constantly guilty of each other and constantly forgive each other - and this becomes a field for joint growth. And without forgiveness, growth is impossible.
Elizaveta Parkhomenko: Christ sets high standards, and without this Christianity is unthinkable. And Christ’s words about forgiveness are some of the most striking. But it is sometimes difficult for any of us to forgive an offender. It’s one thing to say, “I forgive,” but another thing to actually reconcile and accept. And here I would like to distinguish between our actions and our feelings. When Christ spoke about forgiveness, He spoke specifically about deeds, not about feelings.
It seems to me that understanding this removes a person’s feeling of guilt for “failure to forgive.” Because one thing is the high bar that is set for us, and our feelings in connection with this, another thing is the understanding of what needs to be done here and now, when the high ideal has not yet been achieved, and achieving this ideal may take a whole life . And if I do not respond with evil in response to the evil done to me, then I am already fulfilling the commandment of Christ. And then I can already think about what I should do if I forgive a person and do not repay him with evil for evil, but I still have a very strong tension in my soul, which is difficult to live with. This is precisely why people come to a priest and a psychologist.
Archpriest Konstantin Parkhomenko: Yes, yes. Our forgiveness - as Christ understood it - is, first of all, not a psychological change in us (the emotional state does not change so quickly, especially if the offense was strong), but our benevolent attitude towards the one who offended us. That is, first forgiveness, expressed in our kind attitude towards the offender, and then, we hope, psychological forgiveness will come. This is like the commandment about love for enemies: after all, we are not talking about emotions, but about deeds of love, that we should not repay evil for evil, that we should do good in response to evil.
People often come to me who have experienced great upheavals in life. For example, a woman who was abused by her father as a child, even to the point of sexual abuse. She talks to me, cries, shakes, says that she cannot forgive this. And I can't blame her for that. But I tell her: “Even if you cannot forgive your father, start doing good to him, start building communication with him, do not take revenge on him by breaking off relations with him, pray to God that He will give you the strength to forgive your father in your heart.” If such a dialogue begins to build, then internally the person somehow changes.
- Yes, it is necessary to forgive, but what about personal boundaries, they need to be protected somehow...
Elizaveta Parkhomenko: There are several ways to make peace come to the soul. And, oddly enough, some of them lead in the opposite direction from forgiveness. A person asks the question: “Is it always good not to fight back?” I think there are different situations, in some of them the only way to forgive is to protect your boundaries, to show your anger. And anger, like any feeling, was created by God and given to us for a reason, therefore, it can be useful. Sometimes it allows us to preserve ourselves and achieve our goals. It is not for nothing that we often associate aggressiveness simply with a position in life. There is also the expression “healthy aggression.” And it is important to understand where the line is between healthy and unhealthy aggression. Because if my boundaries are crossed over and over again, then anger will probably grow in me. It will grow, accumulate until it breaks out, so that everyone around will feel bad (we often see this: a person endures, endures, and then “explodes”). Or - another option: the accumulated anger will come out of a person after a long time in some “crooked” way - passive aggression (a subconscious desire to go against the demands of any authorities. - Ed.). All this, of course, is not forgiveness, although a person can even declare that he has forgiven everyone. Therefore, it seems to me that it is important to say that often to forgive internally is to figure out where and how we can defend our boundaries.
I remember the story of one of my clients - we worked with her for a year, and she constantly said how much she was offended by her husband because he didn’t want to go on vacation with her anywhere except to his parents’ house, where everything had to be done the way they want. Finally, she declared that she also had the right to rest the way she wanted, and if her husband did not go with her to where she wanted, she would go on holiday without him. This is not universal advice for everyone, but in that situation, the husband heard her and said: “Of course, I will go with you if you want.” But what is important for our topic is that her emotional state has also changed - the resentment towards her husband has disappeared. But at first the husband got angry, even began to say some barbs to her, but somehow she was immediately able to forgive him. It turns out that when a person defends himself as an individual, it is easier for him to forgive. Of course, with such extremes as sexual violence, everything is much more complicated, but in everyday life sometimes a person says to another: “Stop! This is where I begin!” - that is, he manifests himself quite aggressively, but there is no anger in his soul; on the contrary, he calms down.
That is, there is no need to associate forgiveness with unconditional permission for another to do with us as he wants. By defending your boundaries, you can continue to treat the person quite kindly.
- And if I am not offended by a person, but avoid communication with him because I don’t trust him, since he may pose some kind of danger to me, does this mean that I have not forgiven him?
Archpriest Konstantin Parkhomenko: I think not. Distance is normal. But the most worthy option, it seems to me, is open and honest, when, for example, I continue to communicate with a person kindly, but do not start new joint ventures with him. If a person offends me over and over again, I may not maintain communication, but maintain a friendly attitude towards him. You can say honestly: “Sorry, please, it’s hard for me to communicate with you, there’s something I can’t overcome in myself.”
Here's an example: in our church there was a brother, an altar server, who liked to secretly put his hand into a church mug. This was noticed once, twice, three times, he was delicately reprimanded, he tried to somehow get out. Everyone understood that similar actions could be expected from this brother in the future. However, the attitude towards him has not changed. They continued to communicate with him kindly, they just no longer put him in a situation that could tempt him, and, one way or another, they controlled him. That is, we had no negativity towards him, there was an understanding that all people are weak and that this brother of ours cannot overcome his weakness. You know, at the Grad Petrov radio station, where I go to record programs, there used to be an announcement that I really like: “Dear brothers and sisters! Don’t leave things unattended, don’t tempt the weak with the availability of money.”
Elizaveta Parkhomenko: It depends on what kind of people we are talking about, what they want to achieve. I think that it is possible to forgive a person in such a way as to then build a relationship with him, if the person asks for this forgiveness. And sometimes in order for a person to ask for forgiveness, it is enough to simply tell him that he offended us. This often happens in families - I see it in my work with my clients: sometimes a person only has to ask for forgiveness, and he immediately receives this forgiveness.
— But shouldn’t a Christian give up protecting personal boundaries, entrusting them exclusively to God? The Monk Seraphim of Sarov not only forgave the robbers who attacked him, but also forbade them to be prosecuted by law, that is, he also invaded the legal field.
Archpriest Konstantin Parkhomenko: I think that it depends on the personal decision of a person in a specific situation. It happens that not one, but several correct decisions are possible. We know that the robbers who attacked Seraphim of Sarov repented. Perhaps it was the Lord who revealed to the saint that they did not need to be persecuted. And some others might not repent - they would have been released, but they would have gone and robbed or stabbed someone else. So the story of Seraphim of Sarov is an exceptional case, possible, first of all, with a holy man. Under no circumstances should it be elevated to a general rule. It is impossible not to allow justice to be done, which limits the spread of evil.
“Even in the church environment, sometimes we hear that we should forgive only those who ask us for forgiveness, and if a person does not ask, then what kind of forgiveness can he receive from us...
Archpriest Konstantin Parkhomenko: Christ did not set any conditions for our forgiveness. He did not say: “Farewell after you have been asked for forgiveness.” He commanded us to love our enemies. It is understood that the enemy does not ask for our forgiveness, because if he asks, he will no longer be our enemy.
Elizaveta Parkhomenko: Oddly enough, we decide for ourselves whether to forgive or not to forgive, to be angry or not to be angry. You can often hear: “I’m angry and I can’t do anything about it.” Actually it can. And the first step here is to take responsibility for your condition: “In fact, it’s me who is angry, it’s not that other person who is responsible for my anger. The button to turn my anger on and off is not somewhere out there, but inside me.”
- If a person says: “What should I do? How can I forgive? - it means he is already looking for a solution. What if a person is not looking for such a solution? How to bring to mind the need for forgiveness?
Elizaveta Parkhomenko: If a person does not want to forgive and is happy with this, then until something happens to him that will move him towards forgiveness, it is impossible to force him to forgive. Just as it is impossible to convince an alcoholic that it is time for him to stop drinking until he himself has made such a decision. He may have to go to the bottom to do this.
Archpriest Konstantin Parkhomenko: It’s one thing to forgive a person who took money from you and didn’t give it back, it’s another thing to forgive the killer of your child. Perhaps in the second case the person in this life will not be able to forgive. But as a Christian, he can do everything possible for this, pray that the Lord will give him peace in his soul.
Elizaveta Parkhomenko: The inability to forgive the offender and let go of the situation leads to being stuck in the situation. This is exactly what happens to victims of violence. They get stuck and don't develop, for example they can't build new relationships. Therefore, for them, the path to forgiveness initially lies through some kind of anger, strong and terrible, one that is difficult to come into contact with, but cannot be bypassed or jumped over. This is the opposite, and this is a special problem. Often people come for a consultation, and as soon as they touch on a certain topic, they seem to lose their sense of reality. A person has a good family, a good job, and much more, but he sits frozen and gets angry instead of living. I think that, firstly, you still need to take responsibility for your anger, and secondly, look beyond it. Behind anger there is always pain. We need to address this pain. Because anger is a defensive reaction, it is easier to be angry than to deal with your pain, with your loss. And when a person accepts reality, anger goes away, there is no longer a need for it.
Archpriest Konstantin Parkhomenko: And it’s the same in spiritual life. If a person considers himself a Christian, but does not forgive, then his spiritual growth stops.
- How can you answer the question of whether you have forgiven or not?
Archpriest Konstantin Parkhomenko: As a confessor, I see the following: what is called “ultra-Orthodox” people come, observing all fasts and reading akathists. They say that everyone has been forgiven and everyone is loved, but confession begins, and a stream of condemnation pours out of the person. They probably have accumulated unresolved problems that they are afraid to admit to themselves. The ideal of forgiveness is to accept the offender in his former status. Remember how in the Gospel parable the father receives the prodigal son (see: Luke 15 , 11-32)? He returns everything to him, including the right to again be considered the heir to his fortune. And if it doesn’t work out that way, then you have to work with it.
Elizaveta Parkhomenko: When a person says that he has forgiven everyone, but in fact this is not the case, then his words are also a defensive reaction that allows him not to think about what is happening in his soul. In this sense, it can be more difficult for a believer, because he is afraid to admit to himself that he is angry: he knows that it is a sin, that he is obliged to forgive. And if we are not talking about the first stage, when you just need to not do harm to the offender, but about the next one - about internally letting go of the situation, regaining your spiritual peace - then we return to those methods that we have already talked about: defending your boundaries , getting in touch with your pain or building a dialogue with the offender.
Archpriest Konstantin Parkhomenko: I would also like to recall the formula expressed by the holy ascetics: our enemies are our friends, because they help us understand something, achieve something, become better than we were. The ancient ascetic Abba Dorotheos said a wonderful thing: “Everyone who prays to God: “Lord, give me humility!” — must know that he is asking God to send him someone to insult him.” Living in this world, we cannot avoid meeting people who hurt us in one way or another. But each such meeting is an opportunity to open yourself, to look at yourself honestly, to see your weakness, to see in yourself the lack of true love and tolerance - and to work with it.
“Saratov Regional Newspaper” No. 74, May 2017
St. John Chrysostom
The more someone has sinned against us, the more we must rush to reconciliation, because he becomes the reason for the forgiveness of more sins for us.
The Lord wants us to be meek towards the guilty, unforgiving towards those who sin against us, by forgiving them to gain forgiveness for ourselves and to prepare for ourselves a measure of philanthropy.
If we do not forgive our neighbors, then we will not cause them any harm, but we will prepare for ourselves the unbearable torment of Gehenna
Let us not think that by forgiving our neighbor we are showing him a benefit or great mercy; no, we ourselves receive the benefit, we derive great benefit for ourselves.
Nothing makes us more like God than forgiving evil people who offend us.
God only demands from us condescension towards our neighbors so that He Himself may have the opportunity to forgive us our great sins.
A person who has forgiven his neighbor cannot fail to receive perfect forgiveness (from God), because God is incomparably more philanthropic than us.
In imitation of God, we too will do good to our enemies; Let us not reject those who hate us.
When a person who has been offended prays for the offender, he receives great boldness.
When someone insults you, think about the torment that he experiences, and you will not only not have anger against him, but you will also shed tears.
Forgiveness is a conscious choice
The most interesting thing is that the Lord God long ago decided to forgive man in Christ. Jesus is said to be the Lamb of God, slain before the foundation of the world: Revelation 13:8 “And all that dwell on the earth will worship him, whose names are not written in the book of life of the Lamb, slain from the foundation of the world.” 1 Peter 1:18-21 “…knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things, like silver or gold, from the futile life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, as a lamb without blemish and without spot, predestined before the foundation of the world, but revealed in the last times for you who through Him believed in God, who raised Him from the dead and gave Him glory, so that you may have faith and trust in God.”
What does the Lord forgive and what does He not?
Of all known sins, only blasphemy against the Holy Spirit: Mark 3:22-30 , Matthew 12:31-32 “Therefore I say to you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven to men, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven to men; if anyone speaks a word against the Son of Man, it will be forgiven him; But if anyone speaks against the Holy Spirit, it will not be forgiven him, either in this age or in the next.”
Why is blasphemy against the Spirit not forgiven?
Because blasphemy against the Spirit is the ultimate refusal to accept the truth of who Jesus Christ really is (God in the flesh), for it is the Holy Spirit who reveals to us this mystery of the person and essence of Christ: Matthew 16:15-17 “He saith unto them : And who do you say that I am? Simon Peter answered and said: You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God. Then Jesus answered and said to him, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for it was not flesh and blood that revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven.” Without this revelation from above we cannot be saved. For we are saved by faith in the substitutionary sacrifice of our Creator God and Savior Jesus Christ. He who rejects and pushes away the Holy Spirit deprives himself of the last opportunity of repentance and salvation, because “unless one is born again [of the Holy Spirit], he cannot see the kingdom of God” ( John 3:3 ).
How can we know that we are forgiven?
When God forgives us, then we can be firmly confident in His forgiveness: that He has forgiven us our sins and forgotten about them once and for all. Jesus said in John 6:37 “Everything that the Father gives Me will come to Me; and whoever comes to Me I will never cast out.” Also, John 3:17 says, “For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.”
The Lord does not deceive and does not revoke His word: Numbers 23:19 “God is not a man, that He should lie, nor a son of man, that He should change. Will he say it and not do it? will he speak and not fulfill it? If you have sincerely repented and asked God for forgiveness, do not doubt that He has forgiven you, even if you do not feel forgiven. The Word of God is much truer than our feelings.
So trust the Bible and not your deceitful feelings: Hebrews 10:16-23 “This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, says the Lord: I will put My laws in their hearts, and write them in their minds, even their sins and their iniquities. I won’t remember anymore. And where there is forgiveness of sins, there is no need for an offering for them. Therefore, brethren, having boldness to enter into the sanctuary through the blood of Jesus Christ, in a new and living way, which He again revealed to us through the veil, that is, His flesh, and having a great Priest over the house of God, let us approach with a sincere heart, with full faith, Having cleansed our hearts from an evil conscience by sprinkling, and having washed our bodies with pure water, let us hold fast the confession of hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.” 1 John 4:16-18 “And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. Love reaches such perfection in us that we have boldness on the day of judgment, because we act in this world as He does. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because in fear there is torment. He who fears is not perfect in love,” Psalm 103:8-13 “The Lord is generous and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in kindness; he is not angry to the end, neither is he indignant forever. He did not deal with us according to our iniquities, nor did He reward us according to our sins: for as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is the mercy of the Lord toward those who fear Him; As far as the east is from the west, so He has removed our iniquities from us; As a father has mercy on his sons, so the Lord has mercy on those who fear Him.” Psalm 33:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and will save the humble in spirit,” Psalm 102:2-3 “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and do not forget all His benefits. He forgives all your iniquities, He heals all your illnesses.” Isaiah 44:22 “I will blot out your iniquities like a cloud, and your sins like a cloud; turn to Me, for I have redeemed you.” Romans 10:11 “For the Scripture says, Whoever believes in Him will not be put to shame.”
You cannot profane God’s commandment of forgiveness
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- Let's say a person had an argument with another and, having looked at everything again, the person does not find his guilt or wrong. But Forgiveness Resurrection comes, and the question arises: in this case, should you ask the one with whom you had a dispute, maybe a conflict, but where you do not feel your guilt in the most sincere way - forgiveness? After all, if you ask, he will decide that he was right, and you will admit your guilt. Again, it turns out that with your forgiveness you are misleading the person. And the situation itself is distorted: after all, there is the truth of the situation, you cannot sacrifice it.
- In this case, if you nevertheless decide to ask for forgiveness, you need to explain why exactly.
For example, you can say: “Forgive me for my irritation, vehemence, and harshness in our argument (if there was such a thing), but I do not consider my actions to be wrong.
That is, you can ask for forgiveness not for erroneous views or actions, but perhaps for an unwise decision to argue about this with someone who cannot accommodate it, or for a not very tactful form of argument.
— It happens: a person and I haven’t seen each other for a year or more, haven’t communicated. On Forgiven, he calls and says: “Please forgive me.” I ask him: “For what?” "Never. It’s just the way it’s supposed to be.” This is also a strange moment, because it turns out that I took part in a “ritual”.
- If I haven’t seen a person for a whole year, and he, for example, was looking for a meeting with me, I can also ask for forgiveness for the fact that we haven’t seen each other. The man wanted and sought this meeting, but I never found time for him. Here your conscience will tell you.
But if we are dealing with a person who is an unbeliever or has little faith, we must strive not to support formal, meaningless actions if he initiates them on his part. You cannot profane the deepest divine commandments. Depending on the situation, you can somehow turn the conversation into an informal direction: ask for forgiveness yourself - if you suddenly offended us in some way, after all, we ourselves do not see and remember everything. Try to make the person understand that, at least for you, this is a very informal moment, on the contrary, it is very important and here’s why.
Who needs forgiveness and who doesn't?
People need forgiveness, and all people without exception, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” ( Romans 3:23 ).
God does not need forgiveness because He is holy and perfect: Exodus 15:11 “Who is like You, O Lord, among gods? Who, like You, is majestic in holiness, we will honor with praise, Creator of miracles.” Isaiah 6:3 “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord of hosts! the whole earth is full of His glory!” Revelation 4:8 “And each of the four living creatures had six wings around, and within they were full of eyes; and they have no rest day or night, crying out: Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, who is, and who is to come.”
The Bible teaches that each of us needs to receive God's forgiveness. Why? Because we are all sinners. We have all sinned against God and need His forgiveness. God hates sin. And therefore, unconfessed and unrepentant sin comes between us and God, spoiling our relationship with the Lord: Isaiah 59:1-2 “Behold, the hand of the Lord is not too short to save, neither is His ear too heavy to hear. But your iniquities have created a separation between you and your God, and your sins have turned His face away from you, so that you will not hear it.”
St. Ephraim Sirin
Forgive your brother if he has sinned against you, and the Lord will forgive you your sins.
... Those who have enmity among themselves, and have not been reconciled in life, will find themselves inexorable condemnation. And the brother-haters will be sent away into utter darkness, like those who hated Christ, who said: love one another, forgive one another’s sins (cf. Eph. 4:32).
...The Lord does not forgive the one who does not forgive his brother.
If you, a man, do not forgive everyone who has sinned against you, then do not bother yourself with fasting and prayer. If you do not leave a debt to your brother, with whom you are angry for something, then you are completely in vain in fasting and praying: God will not accept you.
What are the benefits of receiving forgiveness?
Joy.
What a joy and blessing it is to be forgiven by the Lord and have peace with your Creator! Psalm 31:1-2 “Blessed is he whose iniquities are forgiven and whose sins are covered! Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute sin, and in whose spirit there is no guile!” Luke 10:20 “...Nevertheless, do not rejoice because the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice because your names are written in heaven.”
The Lord does not remember our sins.
The Lord blots out even the memory of our forgiven sins and never reminds us of them. Isaiah 43:25 “I, I myself, blot out your transgressions for my own sake, and will not remember your sins.” Ezekiel 18:21-22 “And if the wicked one turns from all the sins that he has committed, and keeps all My statutes and does what is lawful and righteous, he will live and will not die. All his crimes that he committed will not be remembered to him: in the righteousness that he will do, he will live.”
The Lord cleanses us from all sin.
Psalm 103:12-13 “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our iniquities from us; As a father has mercy on his sons, so the Lord has mercy on those who fear Him.”
When we receive God's forgiveness, we gain the ability to forgive ourselves.
God's forgiveness gives us the strength to forgive ourselves and continue our earthly journey without looking back: Philippians 3:13-14 “Brethren, I do not count myself as having arrived; but only, forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press toward the goal for the honor of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
Having received God's forgiveness, we gain the ability to forgive others.
Forgiving our neighbor benefits us. By forgiving the person who hurt us, we get rid of resentment and bitterness, as if from a heavy burden pressing on our shoulders. That's why God wants forgiveness to become a part of our daily lives. The personal benefits of forgiveness are:
- Emotional recovery;
- Healthy relationships with others;
- Getting rid of physical ailments;
- Liberation from spiritual oppression, bondage.
Whom does the Lord forgive and who does not?
WHO DOES GOD FORGIVE?
The Lord forgives all those who sincerely repent and come to Him asking for forgiveness.
It can be very difficult for us people to understand how God can forgive a murderer, rapist, robber and other people who have committed serious crimes. Some even refuse to believe that God forgives criminals. However, in the Bible there are many examples of how the Lord forgives sinners and criminals: - A woman is a sinner ( Luke 7:36-50 ); — A woman taken in adultery ( John 8:1-11 ); - The thief crucified with Jesus ( Luke 13:38-43 ); — Those who crucified Jesus ( Luke 13:34 ).
In the eyes of our Creator, we are all transgressors of His Law, no matter what specific commandment we violated. The Bible says: James 2:10 “If anyone keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he is guilty of all.” But the Lord forgives everyone who confesses their sin to Him, repents from the bottom of their hearts and asks Him for forgiveness: 1 John 1:8-10 “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, then He, being faithful and righteous, will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, then we represent Him as a liar, and His word is not in us.”
We can only receive forgiveness of sins—reconciliation with our Creator—in Christ Jesus: Romans 5:1 “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 5:10 “For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we will be saved by His life.” 2 Corinthians 5:18-20 “But all things are of God, who reconciled us to himself through Jesus Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; because God was in Christ reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against men, and gave us the word of reconciliation. So we are messengers on behalf of Christ, and it is as if God Himself exhorts through us; In the name of Christ we ask: be reconciled with God.”
WHO DOESN'T GOD FORGIVE?
The Lord does not forgive those who knowingly sin: Hebrews 10:26-27 “For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remains no more sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful expectation of judgment and furious fire that will consume the adversaries.”
