Prayer for a deceased son

Remember, O Lord our God, in faith and hope the life of Thy eternal newly departed servant, our brother ( name
), and as the Good and Lover of mankind, forgiving sins and consuming iniquities, weaken, forsake and forgive all his voluntary and involuntary sins, deliver him from eternal torment and the fire of Gehenna, and grant him the communion and enjoyment of Your eternal good things, prepared for those who love You: even if you sin, do not depart from You, and undoubtedly in the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, Your glorified God in the Trinity, faith, and Unity in The Trinity and the Trinity in Unity are Orthodox even to the last breath of confession. Be merciful to him, and the faith that is in You, instead of deeds, and rest with Your saints, as you are Generous: for there is no man who will live and not sin, but You are the only One besides all sin, and Your truth is righteousness forever, and You are the One God of mercy and generosity, and love for mankind, and to You we send glory, to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.

The death of loved ones is a great loss and sorrow. And at the same time, believers do not completely despair, having hope of meeting them. Where such confidence? Why does the church pray not only for the living, but also for the dead? The main thing is what can a person do for his beloved relative? After all, the worst has already happened; the deceased cannot be brought back. Is it so?

Important: The Orthodox Church prays for the baptized (notes, services, services, Sacraments). If the deceased is not baptized (he is a non-Russian, a suicide), his loved ones pray for him, wherever it is convenient for them, independently (at home, in church, silently). If it is unknown, they discuss the conditions with the priest on the spot.

Fear of death

One of the greatest and most exciting mysteries for man is death. The departure of loved ones often plunges people into deep despair and hopeless despondency. And this is not surprising. After all, man was originally created immortal for an eternal joyful life in Paradise next to God. Therefore, prayer for a deceased son is an important consolation for grief-stricken parents.

Prayer for a deceased son

The role of funeral prayers

Even in ancient times, Christians talked about how important it is to read prayers for people who have completed their earthly journey. Such appeals to God can be short and can even be pronounced in one’s own words. Sometimes a person who has lost a loved one prays to himself, unable to cope with the tragedy and say anything out loud.

Prayers for the dead were previously compiled by the holy fathers. The first example of a prayer, which is usually placed in the hand of the deceased, was written back in the 11th century by Theodosius of Pechersk, who fulfilled the request of the Kyiv prince. Before this, in the 8th century, the theologian and defender of icons John of Damascus wrote 13 funeral stichera, dedicating them to his deceased friend. For people who are in prolonged painful agony, there is also a special prayer. As soon as a person has passed into another world, it is customary to read about his soul the canon about the one who died and the Psalter with intense prayers for the soul of the newly deceased. After this, the deceased is transported to the church for the last time for the funeral service. According to the teachings of the Church, it is important to pray for the deceased in the first 40 days from the moment of death, since during this period his soul ends up in heaven or hell until the Last Judgment.

It is important to know what 3, 9, 40 days and 1 year from the date of death of a person mean in Christianity, and what is the role of memorial prayers during these periods. Usually the deceased do not have time to confess or receive Holy Communion before death, since no one knows at what moment his life’s journey will end. For the sake of the good memory of the deceased, in the first 40 days, relatives should do merciful deeds and deeds, forgive enemies, pacify hypocrisy, console the mourning, distribute alms to the needy, and also constantly repent of their sins and receive communion.

Commemoration on the 3rd day after death is performed in memory of the Resurrection of our Lord; it is on the 3rd day that the soul ascends to worship the Creator. On day 9, God calls the soul to himself, and a memorial service for this person in the church with the reading of prayers is held as a tribute to the memory of the nine angelic ranks. On the 40th day, the fate of the soul of the deceased is decided - it will go to hell or heaven. The year after a person’s repose is the day of his birth into eternity. An effective commemoration of the dead is the offering of the Bloodless Sacrifice during the Divine Liturgy. The deceased expect funeral prayers from living relatives for the repose of their souls; they often appear in dreams or give some signs.

To pray for the deceased, you can submit a note to the proskomedia for commemoration at the liturgy, order a memorial service or a short litiya, and also pray to God for them at home. Usually, in their memorial prayers, the relatives of the deceased ask the Lord to rest their soul, grant it mercy and take it to heaven, not to leave the person’s soul even in the next world, while recognizing the greatness of the Creator over mere mortals.

Among the memorial prayers: for the one who died up to 40 days, for the repose of the soul of the deceased for 9 days, for the newly deceased, as well as prayers for husband, wife, parents, mother, father, daughter, son, unbaptized and stillborn babies, for those who committed suicide and many others. Believers know that a loved one needs their help not only during life, but also when leaving for another world.

Death is not the end

However, the view of death changes radically with the coming to earth of Jesus Christ. His voluntary atoning sacrifice for all humanity made people heirs of eternal life in the Kingdom of God.

Christ Himself says: “...I am the resurrection and the life; He who believes in Me, even if he dies, will live; and whoever lives and believes in Me will never die” (John 11:25-26).

Therefore, for an Orthodox Christian, grief over the loss of a loved one becomes not an inconsolable grief. Instead comes the quiet sadness of temporary separation.

“Holy Scripture shows us what we lose through death in this life and what we gain in the future: we gain eternal, painless life - a life in which there is no confusing passion, no withering envy, no offending troubles, in which there is no decrepit old age and infancy. weaknesses, but an ever-blooming state, not subject to any changes, a blissful stay, without any limits; an immaculate life, removed from all worldly temptations” (Reverend Leo of Optina).

Prayer of the living - help for the dead

The Lord Jesus Christ said: “God is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for with Him all live” (Luke 20:38).

People who are healthy on earth need prayer. But prayer help is needed to an even greater extent for the deceased.

“Just as we pray for the living, who are no different from the dead, so we can pray for the dead” (St. John Chrysostom).

The soul, having been separated from the body, can no longer change anything in its posthumous fate. She is deprived of the opportunity to do good deeds and bear the fruits of repentance. And only the sincere prayer of the living for the repose of the dead can help the soul to become at the right hand of the Lord at the Last Judgment.

This is how Righteous John of Kronstadt speaks about it:

“Some say: why remember the names of the dead or the living when praying for them? God, as omniscient, himself knows these names, and also knows the needs of everyone. But those who say this forget or do not know the importance of prayer, do not know how important the word spoken from the heart is - they forget that the justice of God and the mercy of God are bowed down by our heartfelt prayer, which the Lord, in His goodness, credits as if to the dead or living themselves as merit , as members of the one body of the Church."

Why does the church pray for the dead?

If the dead could take care of themselves, they would not need our prayers. While we are alive, we are able to change, be transformed, accumulate the Holy Spirit, which sanctifies, freeing us from passions. Having buried the body, consigning it to ashes, an immortal component remains from a person:

soul – inherent in all living beings, including animals;
spirit (personality, self-awareness, “I”) - only people possess it.

There is no full-fledged person after death, since the body lies in the ground.
Without it, the soul (together with its “I”) has no will. What they filled her with is what she will remain with, moving into the threshold of eternal life. If the deceased had passions, then they all remained with him. The horror is that the craving for the familiar increases 1000 times in comparison with earthly desires. The soul does not sleep, does not eat, is not distracted, its entire essence thirsts for the satisfaction of passions in order to be satisfied with the previous “goods”. Just as a drug addict suffers without doping, so the soul that loved to eat deliciously, drink, smoke, revel in wealth, fame, etc., cannot calm down, because there is nowhere to get the “dose.”

Thanks to the prayers of the church, the dead receive relief, some consolation and help - Light that burns the irrepressible passions of the soul. Relatives can be very helpful. It is necessary not only to order services, but also to pray yourself. Who will do it better? Those who have a family connection, one Spirit with the deceased. For example, children who love their parents and are ready to do everything possible for them.

Prayer for the dead is not witchcraft

Warm prayer, imbued with faith and hope in the mercy of the Lord, is a continuation of our love for our deceased relatives. This is our tribute to their memory and respect. However, one should not be mistaken that the mere reading of certain prayers will lead the deceased to heavenly abode. This is not some magical conspiracy.

According to Christ: “...The kingdom of heaven is taken by force...” (Matthew 11:12). Therefore, the sincere prayer of an Orthodox Christian must be supported by the fulfillment of Christ’s commandments. It is necessary to give alms, do good deeds and show complete trust in God's Providence.

“There is still, truly there is an opportunity if we want to ease the punishment of a deceased sinner. If we make frequent prayers for him and give alms, then even if he was unworthy in himself, God will hear us. If for the sake of the Apostle Paul He saved others and for the sake of some He spared others, then how can He not do the same for us? (St. John Chrysostom).

All Souls Days

Funeral service in Orthodoxy:

On the 3rd, 9th and 40th day from the date of death and annually.
Two Ecumenical* Saturdays.
Parents' Saturdays (2nd, 3rd and 4th Saturdays of Lent).
In worship on every Saturday**.
In one form or another, commemoration of the dead is performed daily.
More information about All Souls Day:

* Ecumenical Saturdays - before the week of the Last Judgment (1st, meat-free) and before the week of Pentecost (2nd, Trinity).

** An ordinary Saturday service contains few funeral texts - about the same as an ordinary daily service.

Prayer for deceased children

Parents who have lost children experience a special kind of pain. The death of someone to whom you once gave life seems meaningless and unnatural.

However, an Orthodox Christian must remember that the Lord takes a person to Eternity at the most necessary moment. Precisely when he is ready for this eternal life next to Christ.

An example is the case from the biography of the martyr Huar. After his martyrdom in the 4th century, the righteous widow Cleopatra buried the relics of the saint. Then she erected a temple at the burial site. Soon after this, her young son, a valiant warrior, died suddenly. The inconsolable mother, in bitter tears, fell on the coffin with the relics of the martyr Huar and begged for her son to be returned to her. After much sobbing, Cleopatra seemed to fall asleep and saw her son next to the holy martyr. Both of them were dressed in shining clothes with golden crowns on their heads.

Then Cleopatra realized that the premature death of her son was timely for his inheritance of the Kingdom of Heaven. After this, she distributed her property and began to live at the temple of the martyr Huar. The rest of the widow's life was sanctified by fasting and prayer for her deceased son.

Every bereaved parent can choose which path to take. Some people let grief overcome them and fall into severe despondency. Or you can be like the righteous Cleopatra and fervently pray for the immortal soul of your child.

How the church can help

The first three days. The most important moments for the deceased are contained in the posthumous 40 days. The first three - the soul parts with earthly joys: with its favorite places, family and friends. She faces a long separation. So that the sadness is not very strong and mournful, in the church every day it is remembered at the proskomedia and prayed at the Liturgy. Therefore you need to:

Order the magpie in the church where the Liturgy is served every day. Find out this right away, since this practice does not exist everywhere. You can order a memorial in several churches.
It is advisable to attend services and pray for the deceased when the pieces are removed.
At the litany on Parental Saturday, both the living and the dead are remembered. Only the names of deceased people are read out loud.
To make your prayers more effective and have greater power: confess and take Communion. Communication with the deceased will have less interference.
At home, read the psalter all 40 days, more if possible. The number of kathismas per day is not limited. Finished the circle, start again.
For each significant day (3; 9; 40), order a Requiem Service (served after the Liturgy), submit a Registered Note to the altar.
Give alms to those in need. Good deeds are done for the sake of relatives. You can take some kind of vow (at least for the first 40 days). It must be fulfilled.

Children, when you offer prayers, perhaps at this moment the soul of your loved ones is nearby. Thanks to the Blood of Christ, in which a particle is washed for the deceased, attachment weakens, preparing the soul for the heavenly abodes. Finally, she goes on a “journey.”

a six-day “excursion” to the heavenly places. At this time, the church and relatives pray intensely so that the weak-willed soul will be favored by what it sees. She leaned towards her near and dear ones. Attachment to virtues at this moment will affect your future destiny. Happy are those who discover a congenial place within themselves.
From days 9 to 40 there will be a review of the Underworld. May the Lord have mercy on your soul at this moment. So that she can hold on, having discovered a place where, due to human passions, she will be drawn to sin that is related to herself. For example, a smoker cannot resist cigarette smoke, an alcoholic cannot resist rivers of wine, a fornicator... etc. This is why we need to pray. So that the weak-willed Spirit “I” does not exchange the good abodes of Paradise for its passions.

Note: Do not take this description as 100% truth. The angel talking with Saint Macarius, explaining the heavenly world, warned: look at everything as if through a dark glass, fortune-telling. For it is impossible to give a more precise explanation - there is nothing to compare it with on earth.

Mother's prayer for her deceased son

There is probably no greater grief than that experienced by a mother who has lost her son. It seems that nothing on earth can dull the pain of loss. However, in the words of Christ: “what is impossible with men is possible with God” (Luke 18:27). Only surrendering oneself into the hands of the Lord and trusting His Divine Providence will provide healing from pain. Here are the words of consolation in such a situation that Saint Ignatius Brianchaninov spoke:

“Rely on the mercy of our Creator, show submission to His Holy will and be comforted by the hope that your dear son, through temporary death, came to Eternal Life, where we too will one day be called. You repay him the debt of your parental love - by caring for the remembrance of his soul, by church prayers and alms. And this should console you with the hope of God’s mercy, that the Lord grants him such commemoration, this is his best legacy here, passing with him into the future...”

The most important thing a mother can do both for herself and for her deceased child is a mother’s prayer for her deceased son. It’s not for nothing that people uttered deep wisdom: “A mother’s prayer will reach you from the bottom of the sea.” There are a huge number of miracles known that confirm the power of maternal prayer.

One of the most famous examples is the feat of Saint Monica, the mother of Blessed Augustine. Seeing the sinful life of her son, she tearfully prayed to God to guide him on the Christian path. And the Lord did not leave the fervent mother’s prayer unanswered. Blessed Augustine not only accepted Christianity, but became one of the Fathers of the Church.

And today there is evidence of the saving power of maternal prayer. For example, the Orthodox Newspaper of April 12, 2016 cites the case of a priest’s son. Being a mountaineering enthusiast, the young man went on another expedition. Suddenly at night the mother seemed to hear her son’s voice: “Help! Help! Waking up her husband, she began to fervently pray to God. When he returned, his son said that the insurance broke and he almost crashed on sharp rocks. Miraculously, at the most decisive moment, the rope stopped swinging, and his friends were able to pull him out.

One Spirit

It is said: Save yourself, and thousands around you will be saved. Having one Spirit with relatives, the owner of a soul sanctified by God will help the dead most. The prayer of a loving heart works miracles. She saves those who cannot do it themselves. By what force? By the grace of the Holy Spirit (by the grace of the Lord), the soul is rescued from hell. To do this you need:

Pray for the departed at the Liturgy.
Order a memorial service on significant dates.
Read the psalter.
Order sorokoust.
Remember it daily in morning prayers.
Read the canon for the one who died and
Litiya for the laity.

Thanks to the prayers of the church and relatives, the soul not only receives relief, but gradually weakens earthly attachments. Freed from the shackles of passions. Illuminated by the prayers of loving people. Receives hope of salvation in eternal life.

Note: A memorial service can be ordered on any weekday. During Lent, a short litany is served for the deceased. Three services (3, 9 and 40) must be performed.

Lord Jesus Christ, our God, Lord of life and death, Comforter of the afflicted! With a contrite and tender heart I run to You and pray to You: remember. Lord, in Your Kingdom your deceased servant, my child (name), and create for him eternal memory. You, Lord of life and death, have given me this child. It was your good and wise will to take it away from me. Blessed be Thy name, O Lord.
I pray to You, Judge of heaven and earth, with Your endless love for us sinners, forgive my deceased child all his sins, voluntary and involuntary, in word, in deed, in knowledge and ignorance. Forgive, O Merciful One, our parental sins as well, so that they may not remain on our children: we know that we have sinned many times before You, many of whom we have not observed, and have not done, as You commanded us. If our deceased child, ours or his own, for the sake of guilt, lived in this life, working for the world and his flesh, and not more than You, the Lord and his God: if you loved the delights of this world, and not more than Your Word and Your commandments, if you surrendered with the pleasures of life, and not more than with contrition for one’s sins, and in intemperance, vigil, fasting and prayer have been consigned to oblivion - I earnestly pray to Thee, forgive, most good Father, all such sins of my child, forgive and weaken, even if you have done other evil in this life . Christ Jesus!
You raised up the daughter of Jairus through the faith and prayer of her father. You healed the daughter of the Canaanite wife through faith and the request of her mother: hear my prayer, and do not despise my prayer for my child. Forgive, Lord, forgive all his sins and, having forgiven and cleansed his soul, remove eternal torment and dwell with all Your saints, who have pleased You from the ages, where there is no sickness, no sorrow, no sighing, but endless life: like there is no man like He will live and will not sin, but You are the only One besides all sin: so that when you judge the world, my child will hear Your most beloved voice: come, blessed of My Father, and inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For You are the Father of mercies and generosity. You are our life and resurrection, and we send glory to You with the Father and the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.

What prayers to read on the 9th day after death

A wake is organized for nine days after death. There cannot be a funeral meal without kutya, which is prepared from rice, sugar or honey and has a sacred meaning. Seeds are new life that will be resurrected in the afterlife. Sugar or honey are symbols of the sweet life.

It is recommended to prepare the first dish – borscht.

Fish and meat dishes are allowed at the funeral table. It is recommended to serve jelly or compote. Drinking alcohol at the funeral table is strictly prohibited, as this act can harm the soul of the deceased. It is strictly forbidden to bring alcohol to the cemetery.

On day 9, people and angels unite with the goal of helping the soul get to heaven. Believers should definitely go to church on this day, light a candle for repose and order a prayer service. Also in the church the following prayer is read for 9 days after death:

“Even if You suffered for the whole world, if You shed tears and bloody sweat for the living and the dead, who will keep us from praying for the deceased? Imitating You, who descended even to hell, we pray for the salvation of Your servant: Jesus, Giver of life, illuminate him with Your light.

Jesus, may he be one with You and the Father [and the Spirit]. Jesus, call everyone to Your vineyard, do not forget to illuminate it with Your light. Jesus, generous Distributor of eternal rewards, show him to be the son of Your palace. Jesus, return to his soul the grace-filled power of pristine purity.

Jesus, may good deeds be multiplied in his name. Jesus, warm the orphaned with Your mysterious joy. Jesus, All-Merciful Judge, vouchsafe the sweetness of paradise to Thy servant.”

It is also recommended to read the prayer at the wake.

After this, everyone begins the funeral meal. In conversations, you need to remember the deceased only from the good side. The Lord carefully monitors all the actions of the deceased in life. Kind words about the deceased will ensure that God makes a just decision. Discussing unpleasant situations and sins of the deceased can ruin everything. On this day, they distribute alms to the poor and sweets to everyone they know.

After death, one can turn in prayers not only to the Lord, but also to the angels who protect him in the next world.

The following prayer can be read on the 9th day for the deceased:

“Saint given by the Lord to the Guardian Angel, come and pray for your servant, whom you have accompanied, protected and instructed on all the paths of life, call with us to the All-Bountiful Savior: Jesus, destroy the handwriting of the sins of your servant (name). Jesus, heal his spiritual ulcers.

Jesus, may there be no bitter memories of him on earth. Jesus, for this sake have mercy on those who upset him and those who were offended by him. Jesus, cover his imperfections with the luminous robe of Your redemption. Jesus, make him glad with Your mercy. Jesus, the Ineffable, Great and Wonderful, appeared to him Himself. Jesus, All-Merciful Judge, vouchsafe the sweetness of paradise to Thy servant.”

It is recommended to read the text not only until 9 days, but also until the Supreme Court itself.

To avoid the soul from going to hell, a prayer for the newly deceased is read at the cemetery. You need to pray to God with your soul. A person can read a prayer and ask from the bottom of his heart for a deceased relative. If a prayer is read as a ritual, it will not bear fruit.

You can pray alone or simultaneously with other relatives, which will have a positive effect on the decision of the Supreme Court.

You need to pray for the deceased throughout the day, and not at a certain time. if an individual prayer is being read, the person is advised to kneel and cross his arms in front of him. Collective prayer can be offered while sitting or standing. What matters to the Lord is that people pray, and not what position their body is in when they pray to him. Most prayers (especially collective ones) are said out loud, but they can also be read silently.

It is recommended to go to the cemetery around lunchtime. Garbage is removed from the grave. They bring flowers and sweets. It is strictly forbidden to leave vodka or other alcoholic drinks or cigarettes in the cemetery. These actions can anger the Almighty. It is recommended to invite a priest for the litia. This is a service conducted by a clergyman over a grave. If this is not possible, then you need to read the prayers yourself.

It is not recommended to talk about extraneous topics at the cemetery. You need to remember the deceased mentally or out loud. It is strictly forbidden to commemorate in the cemetery.

Prayer for dead children

Remember, O Lord our God, in the faith and hope of the life of Thy eternal servant (Thy servant) (name), and as he is good and a lover of mankind, forgiving sins and consuming untruths, weaken, forsake and forgive all his voluntary and involuntary sins, exonerating him (her) at Your holy second coming into the communion of Your eternal blessings, for the sake of which there is only faith in You, the true God and Lover of mankind.
For Thou art the resurrection and life and rest of Thy servant (Thy servant) (name), Christ our God. And we send glory to You, with Your beginningless Father and with the Most Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages, Amen.

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