Shepherds' Answers
Hegumen Luka (Stepanov) believes that if a couple does not have children, this does not mean that they necessarily need to strive for this. The main principle of the Christian life is to obtain eternal salvation. And its acquisition does not depend on the presence or absence of heirs. All circumstances that a person cannot influence are determined by God's Providence. And spouses who do not have children must rely on the will of the Almighty.
Archpriest Pavel Gumerov argues that a husband and wife who have no heirs should be patient and not lose heart. We need to pray for the baby to appear. You can make a pilgrimage trip, for example, to Athos.
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Sometimes the long absence of heirs is a consequence of the fact that the Lord tests the spouses and their feelings for each other. After all, if everything comes easy to a person, he does not value it too much. If adversity makes the spouses' feelings stronger, the marriage will become truly happy when the husband and wife overcome the test.
Priest Valery Dukhanin believes that each case is individual. Some people find it healthier not to have children. And for others it is better to acquire heirs, to give the kids warmth and sacrificial love.
The Lord knows what a particular person needs. And he gives him only what is necessary for the salvation of his soul.
GOD AND THE CHILD
WITH US FROM BIRTH
Friends, good afternoon. What do you think, Who is always with us and never leaves us, not even for a moment? Of course, God. He is with us at all stages of earthly life: from youth to death.
The baby is born, and God is nearby: He rejoices at the baby’s first steps, and later invisibly “accompanies” the child to kindergarten. The boy grew up and began to go to school, and then God does not abandon his child.
He helps us in study, work, in all areas of life and in all good endeavors. And so it is always, God is with each of us, in any weather, at any time of the day, no matter what.
He is invisibly with us: at college, at work and in old age - ALWAYS!
Why do we communicate so little with God, do not consult and do not ask Him for help?
What a strange paradox - next to us is the One who is limitless in both wisdom and strength, but we stubbornly refuse to accept Him? God loves each of us immeasurably, and we, blind, persistently search for someone who would sincerely love us. In order to touch this great Love, you don’t need to look for anything, it is nearby - God loves everyone and is always ready to help in good deeds, you just have to open your heart to Him: through prayer, in words, in service .
MIRACLES AMONG US
Perhaps we are designed in such a way that in every person there is a little of Doubting Thomas. We unconditionally believe our eyes, eagerly await miracles, but stubbornly do not want to see the presence and obvious help of God among us. Take a closer look - we meet all the evidence of His presence every day. We are so used to them that they seem ordinary or mere coincidences to us. But this is only at first glance, you just have to look closely and you will see the presence of the God of life in every person, from birth.
“God gave a child, he will also give for a child”
This famous phrase is angrily criticized on all women's forums. Literally everyone turned against her, poor thing. I don’t know why, but most women take the meaning of this phrase literally, primitively and only from a financial point of view.
“I’m wondering where this idiotic phrase came from? Of course, there is a chance that money will appear, etc., but it is rather minimal. I myself know quite a lot of examples where people who had nothing and who already lived poorly gave birth to children and live even worse for the rest of their lives.”
Elena P, 32 years old
And only those who have actually found themselves in such a serious situation are able to reveal the true meaning of this statement. And they, literally all of them, literally claim that with the child God gives: strength, help and opportunities. The main thing is not to live in self-pity, not to be lazy, and most importantly not to miss the chances that the Lord opens for you.
Let's take a look at what moms have to say about it.
“Together with the child, God gives precisely these strengths. It’s just that many people are lazy, go with the flow, or simply feel sorry for themselves. And some also lament that their child does not wear branded items, is ignorant and also thin - he clearly does not have enough food! ...
I teach my child everything from birth! and at the same time we almost saved up for an apartment. Whoever says that a child needs a lot does not have children, or is greedy himself and ate his offspring with caviar, dioramas, nannies in all subjects. So, of course, where can they raise one, but 3-4 are thought of as a nightmare...”
jinka
I also really like the words of this wise mother. These words reveal the truth: “When one door closes, God is sure to open another for you.”
“I did not plan the child on the basis of this proverb, but it so happened that I was left pregnant alone and this proverb completely justified itself, in the case when there seems to be no salvation, help comes and it is very tangible. God just gives you the opportunity, and using it for the benefit of your child is your choice. A child is a huge incentive to live on.
Lika, young mother
I see that you are angrily criticizing me, saying that I did something wrong?! It’s not worth it, judge for yourself. This phrase “does not fall” only when, instead of faith, the young mother lives with: despondency, anger, laziness or addictions. Well, what about the children? Looking at them we want to smile, live, work. Children are a great incentive to love and act. What could be better!?
Dear mothers. If your life today is closely connected with this phrase, first stop, think, and don’t rush off the handle.
Away with sadness and despondency. It’s better to gather your spiritual strength, ask God for help and advice. Order a prayer service for health for yourself and your children, order a prayer service for success in business, or even a magpie for health.
Don't be upset if you don't have time to go to church. Pray at home, and you can also order a prayer service online.
Don’t even doubt it - with faith in your soul, quiet joy will come first, and then opportunities and right decisions will come.
Before you have time to look back, your kids have already grown up, put on a brand new school uniform and set off along a new path of life, to their first school day.
BLESS YOUR DISCIPLES
It's September outside the window - the first month of the new school year. September is the beginning of new knowledge, and with it new difficulties in learning the sciences. We love our children, we want the best for them, we sincerely want our children to grow up to be smart and literate people.
“Poverty and shame to him who rejects the teaching; and whoever keeps the instruction will be honored" (Prov. 13:19)
In the first days of the school year, special prayers are served for teachers and students. If your child, for some reason, did not attend it, then do not worry, you can order a prayer service online for success in studies (businesses) without leaving your home.
Not everyone finds learning easy. For schoolchildren, studying is a great work, therefore, as in any other matter, it turns out differently - it turns out to be a “five” and a “two”. Not all information is remembered quickly and smoothly, and this happens even with diligence.
From the life of Sergius of Radonezh we know that at first he was not given a letter. In adolescence, he began to fervently pray to the Lord and tearfully asked the Lord to admonish him. - God! Let me learn this literacy, teach me and enlighten me.
The Lord sent the youth an old monk. The boy told the elder about his grief and asked him to pray to the Lord for him. Having finished the prayer, the elder blessed the boy, gave him prosphora and said:
“From now on, God will give you, my child, to understand what is needed, so that you can teach others too.” Take it, child, and eat it; this is given to you as a sign of God’s grace and for the understanding of Holy Scripture. Do not look at the fact that this particle is so small: your joy will be great if you taste from it.
And indeed, after this incident the boy surpassed his brothers in academic performance.
All children are different and that's normal.
Some have a tenacious memory, some have a strong imagination, and some are born philosophers from birth. But every child, and this without exception, has from God his own, individual gift, an inclination towards something. Dear parents, our primary task is to find this “God’s gift”, to support that spark of talent invested in your son or daughter. Do not doubt that God is always with you and your children.
Do not doubt that “God kissed the top of the head” of your child. The Lord puts goodness, conscience, and love into every person, which means he puts a piece of Himself into each of us. If you have difficulties in upbringing, if you don’t know what to do, then it makes sense to ask advice from the One who knows everything, you should pray to the One who is always there and ready to help us - you need to pray to God.
How else can we help our children? First of all, by surrounding them with your care and love. A child, feeling your love and support, is a hundred times more successful, calmer and healthier than those children who are constantly shouted at, have breakdowns, or are not cared for at all. Learn lessons together, read books to each other, arrange educational excursions and this way we can help our children both physically and mentally.
A healthy atmosphere in the family is no less important for the development of personality. A small child tries to be like his elders in everything. Looking at the behavior of his parents, he eagerly absorbs the foundations of future values, behavior, and remembers the words and actions of his elders. That is why it is so important to show the child that parents love each other, respect their elders, help the younger ones, and also love God and honor His Commandments.
A real person is, first of all, one who is spiritually rich
Help your children grow up spiritually strong. Bless your children, pray for them, give them communion. Remember that the most powerful prayer is the “Prayer of a loving mother for her children.” The Lord always hears all the prayers said by children and for children, so do not skimp on them. For this, the Lord will reward you and your children with grace a hundredfold. Children will be healthier, smarter, and most importantly, spiritually stronger and resilient individuals.
Protect yourself and your children with the mighty power of the Holy Church. Go to church services, receive communion, attend Sunday church schools, pray together and order prayer services for health and success in your studies.
You can and should ask the Lord for help in your studies and for the students themselves
The disciples themselves should also prayerfully ask God, the Mother of God and His Saints for help in teaching.
God always helps every student and does not refuse help to anyone.
Look how Saint John of Kronstadt wrote about this
“Grieving over the failure of the teaching, I fervently prayed to God to give me meaning and reason - and I remember how suddenly a curtain fell from my mind, and I began to understand the teaching well. The more I grew, the better and better I did in the sciences, so that almost from the last I rose to the first students.”
WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT TO ASK FOR GOD'S HELP FOR YOUR CHILDREN
God is the source of all life and all grace. He is always near us and never refuses to help us. To receive God's help and blessing, you just need to believe in Him and ask Him for it.
When we were little, our parents took care of us, when we grew up and became mothers and fathers ourselves, then we surround our children with love. But if you really love your child and wish him happiness, then don’t be lazy, ask God for it. He is always there, behind your back, He is just waiting for another chance to help us.
- Categories:With God
- Key words: LOVE, Saints
Oleg Plett 8:31 pm
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Lack of heirs - is this a punishment for vices?
Why doesn't God give children?
Many couples ask this question. After all, the absence of heirs is associated with strong feelings for husband and wife. Spouses in Christian families dream of children to whom they could give sacrificial love. If a husband and wife do not have a baby, they feel defective and inferior. Many people think that childlessness is retribution for sins. Is it so?
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The fact is that people’s worldview is still Old Testament and sometimes even pagan. In ancient times, it was believed that the absence of heirs was God's punishment for the sins of the parents. But Christianity does not allow such a point of view. After all, there is a concept of God's Providence. This is the unknown “plan” of the creator about the fate of everyone. It can only be understood by looking back at the past. Sometimes people realize that circumstances that seemed unpleasant to them were actually beneficial.
We must accept God's Providence
– There are secrets of Divine care for people, they are incomprehensible. When Rachel, the wife of the patriarch Jacob, who had no offspring, reproached her husband: “Give me children, otherwise I die,” Jacob replied: “Am I God, who did not give you the fruit of the womb?” (Gen. 30:1–2). A child is God's gift. And if the Lord does not give children, then this is His Providence, which must be accepted, and not fall into despair or think that life is over. The Monk Paisius the Svyatogorets drew attention to this. He knew examples where some tried to acquire children either through artificial insemination or adoption of other people's children, but later they themselves became convinced that God did not give them a child, caring for their own good. It is important not to lose your head, not to rush in panic after any means to get a child at any cost, but to try to listen to the Providence of God. If the Lord does not provide children, then first of all we must turn to Him. Children were often served after fervent prayers, fasting and almsgiving. The Lord tests parents whether they are ready to accept a child as a gift from God, and not as a product of the latest medical technologies.
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The Importance of Humility
Anyone for whom the relationship with the Lord is paramount understands that God is Love. And this person is able to accept all sorrow coming from the Creator. Including the absence of children. A person bears childlessness like a kind of cross, resigning himself to the fact that he may be destined for another fate, which is still unknown. Perhaps marital love should be dedicated to something or someone else. For example, take care of children left without parental care. Adoption is an excellent option for childless spouses, especially if they are sincere believers. Orphans need care, affection and love. It is not necessary to adopt children. You can sometimes come to orphanages and give orphans warmth, time and help.
During artificial insemination, embryos are always destroyed - that is, they are killed
Now let’s ask ourselves: what happens if all the embryos transplanted into the uterus begin to develop? After all, several of them are introduced at once, so that there is a greater likelihood of them taking root, because not all of them take root... What happens when several take root? “Excess” embryos are reduced, that is, removed surgically - abortions are performed. So during IVF, fertilized embryos, which are already babies with a soul, are destroyed. And it turns out that a person going for IVF is going for an abortion. There is such a crafty trick: some medical centers offer “IVF for believers.” It is proposed not to transfer several embryos and then remove some of them, but to perform gentle superovulation, obtain a small number of embryos and transfer them. But this does not change the essence of the matter.
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Unlimited trust in the Creator
Many people think that the world is monstrously unfair. No one knows why some are born wealthy, others poor, some people have good health, while others are seriously ill. But in any situation you need to trust the Lord, follow him and use opportunities to find what is really important. Spouses need to remember that God is Love. You may not understand the Providence of the Creator, but you must live, completely trusting Him.
Many people worry that their marriage may break down due to a lack of heirs. But there are many cases when spouses separate even if they have children. Or, on the contrary, they live together until the end of their days, despite the lack of children. The main thing is that there is love between spouses. If it is not there, even children cannot save the marriage.
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^ How is the soul born?
— Father Kirill, is there any general church point of view on how the human soul is formed? When and how does this happen?
— Theologians have different points of view. I am more impressed by the view of Theophan the Recluse. He says that in creation, in the emergence of the human soul and body, parents, together with God, participate as co-creators. We know that the body is formed from the cells of the father and mother. But this does not mean that God does not take part in the creation of the body. In the same way, somehow parents also take part in the creation of the soul. That is why the tendency towards virtues or sins is often inherited from parents. The state in which parents conceive their children - a state of grace or, conversely, a state of sinfulness - inevitably affects their offspring, their children.
Priest Kirill Ivanov
born in 1971. Formerly a cardiologist, teacher of propaedeutics of internal diseases at St. Petersburg State Pediatric Medical University. He was a confessor and the head of the PMPC “Life”. Together with A.I. Tanakov and K.Yu. Boyarsky, he is the author of the book “How to become a mother. At a reception at the antenatal clinic. Infertility and pregnancy. Comments of a priest” (M.: Kovcheg, 2010).
— At what point can we consider that a child is already a separate person, a unique personality?
- It is known - now even gynecologists and embryologists, in general, do not argue with this - that at the genetic level, from the moment of conception, it is already a unique organism with a unique set of chromosomes that are responsible for genes characteristic of a particular person. From the moment of conception, the sex of the child is determined. We cannot say that the male body is part of the female body. But even if this is a girl, it is clear that she may have a different Rh factor, a different blood type. Therefore, the child is clearly a unique individual and is not a part of the woman’s body that she could dispose of like, say, a tumor or something else.
— Is it necessary for the birth of children to occur in a married marriage?
- I would say that it is desirable. When a person has a blessing to have children, it is clear that this is a gift from God. Of course, the Lord sends children even when parents do not think about God at all. Moreover, it is through children that many come to God. But if the marriage is not blessed by the Church, the children are, as it were, kidnapped. You know, if a child wants to get something from his father, he tells him: “Dad, I want a car.” Then the father buys this car or doesn’t buy it. But the child may not turn to his father, but steal money from his wallet and buy this toy. But he will no longer receive the joy that he could have received when his father himself gave the toy, because he will have to hide it, play with it secretly. Something similar, it seems to me, arises in the case of family, with pregnancy. In one case, parents pray that they have children, take a blessing, ask God to bless their marriage, bless childbearing and many children, as we pray in the sacrament of Marriage. A completely different situation arises when the child is a by-product of the relationship between a man and a woman. There will no longer be, of course, the joy that parents have when they realize that God has heard their prayers and given them a child.
- But it happens that parents get married, but do not pray for the gift of children. But it happens the other way around: people who are not married pray for the birth of children...
In the first case, prayer was performed during the wedding and the couple prayed together with the priest. Secondly, people need to realize that the most powerful prayer for children is the wedding. I had the opportunity to marry spouses who considered themselves infertile... A year later I baptized their twins!
Do everything only with the help and blessing of God
“Put on the whole armor of God” (Eph. 6:11), the Apostle Paul tells us. Hope and wait patiently, pray and fast (but only after taking the blessing of the priest). And, of course, you can take a child from an orphanage. “And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me” (Matthew 18:5), the Lord tells us. But artificial insemination is not worth doing, because it is contrary to nature. The Lord gave us another, natural way of conceiving and having children, the one that is best suited for us.
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No need to speed things up
And there is no need to speed things up by doing artificial insemination, because this is interference in Divine Providence. After all, everything good, and, of course, children, is given to us by God. And he gives us everything in good time. That is, when it is necessary, when it is best. Because of our sinfulness and self-will, we often do not want to understand and accept this. And so in a hurry we try to do what the Lord is doing. And we always do incomparably worse than God. After all, our Heavenly Father is holy and infallible, but we are weak, blind and sinful. Therefore, you do not need to do anything yourself, but only with the help and blessing of God, which are most often and mainly taught in the Church, including through the clergy. The prophet Abraham and Sarah also did not have children for a long time, and God gave them a son - the righteous prophet Isaac. Moreover, at an age when it is no longer physiologically possible to have children. Also, to the righteous Godfathers Joachim and Anna, the Most Holy Theotokos was born - “The most honorable Cherub and the most glorious without comparison Seraphim,” as the Holy Church sings to Her. And to the righteous Zechariah and Elizabeth John the Baptist was born. “Truly I say to you, among those born of women there has not arisen a greater one than John the Baptist” (Matthew 11:11), the Lord tells us. And all because all their lives they lived according to the will of God, they always put the holy will of God above their human will and their human desires. And we should also strive to do the same. And then future saints will be born among us, and we will live in holiness and see many miracles from the Lord. And we will see the main miracle - that God is an infinite, all-perfect, merciful Love that crucifies Himself and saves us. Leading us to eternal and endless joy in the Kingdom of Heaven with all the saints who have pleased God from the ages. Amen. – If the Lord does not give children, of course, it is necessary to turn to Him with fervent prayer. And the Church knows many examples when, in response to prayers, God gave a blessing and a child was conceived.
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If there are no children in the marriage and the marriage is unmarried, it is necessary to get married
It would not be superfluous, as experience shows, to go on a pilgrimage to one of God’s saints. But just so that it doesn’t happen like this: “We’ll go to Matronushka, we’ll pray, and when the baby is born, we’ll forget the way to the temple.” There is also a temptation here. If we turn to the Lord, then the prayer should look something like this: “Lord, give the child according to Your mercy, and we will dedicate our lives to You, and we will raise the child in Orthodoxy.” And if people’s thinking is structured in this way, the Lord, of course, will give His grace.
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You can’t be guided by emotions alone, you need prudence and prudence
– Of course, the absence of children in the family is a reason to begin to spend your Christian life more seriously and soberly and to pray purely for the gift of children. Here you need to show a lot of patience, and it happens that the Lord rewards this patience and constancy in doing good, so that children are born into the family even after three, five or more years of “infertility.” This is great joy and great mercy! And parents who conceived and gave birth to a child in such difficult circumstances truly know the high price and meaning of fatherhood and motherhood. If only they didn’t “settle on their laurels” and turn their valuable child into some kind of idol, a statue around which the whole world revolves. This should not happen, and this can even be called a crime against God, because the Lord does not give a child in order to raise him to be an egoist who is used to thinking that he is the navel of the earth and something completely special compared to “everyone else.” " That’s why it would be good if there were many children in the family...
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