Why doesn’t God give children: punishment or the providence of the Almighty?

Archpriest Vladimir Dolgikh answers.

If the answer to this question were simple, then many family problems would have been resolved long ago. We want to reduce everything to some algorithms, step-by-step recommendations, like, do this and that, and everything will be fine. This doesn’t happen, but let’s talk about everything in order.

Honestly, questions like: “Why doesn’t God give me a husband and children” or “Why doesn’t God give me a second child?” – I was always puzzled. I would immediately like to answer with a question: why did you decide that God does not give it? There is also our will, our actions; There are also laws established by Him, according to which the whole world functions, including our body. It turns out that if we are faced with a problem that we cannot solve or do not want to solve, then it is God who is to blame. Or maybe we are simply not satisfied with God, He turned out to be not what we would like?

God does not give children to everyone, because some have a different purpose.

There is, for example, a certain woman, Maria Petrovna. She goes to church, reads the Bible, takes care of herself, and is married. No one will say a bad word about her. She will always help her neighbor, tell her what you don’t ask. And she herself doesn’t meddle in other people’s affairs, so as not to bother people.

Well, he’s a good person, right? And she has no children. Is it fair? The mother would have been wonderful. But our problem is that we measure everything by human categories. God has his own plans.

Let's leave Marya Petrovna alone for a moment and imagine her distant ancestor, a kind of prehistoric man, as he is depicted in biology textbooks. The poor fellow sits and thinks about how to crack a nut.

Not everyone is born to leave offspring. Nobel laureate Bernard Shaw did not have children, but there is at least someone who can say that the life of this outstanding man was in vain due to childlessness. Photo: upload.wikimedia.org

And suddenly, once, a microscope magically appears at the feet of this great-great-great-grandfather. The thing is heavy, which means it’s suitable for cracking nuts. Is everything right? In all respects it is an ideal nut cracker, even with a handle. But this is from a prehistoric point of view.

But his task is different. Will this person understand stories about bacteria, magnifying glasses, etc.? No, not his level of knowledge, and it’s not worth trying.

And now let's return to Maria Petrovna. She is not accidental in this world either. Like a microscope, it has its own task. But those around us, like prehistoric man, are conditioned beings; they do not look deeply into divine providence, just as our ancestors knew nothing about magnifying devices.

If a person does not have children, God can give him a very important role in this world.

In other words, not all of us are born to have children, although from a human point of view everyone should be a parent.

Many great personalities, preachers, artists, writers, etc. had no descendants:

• Jesus Christ;
• Siddhartha Gautama;
• Michelangelo Buonarroti;
• Nicolaus Copernicus;
• Marcel Proust;
• Bernard Show;
• Friedrich Nietzsche.

Each had their own reason for not having children, but there was probably another, deeper reason - divine providence. Of course, this does not mean that Maria Petrovna from our example, being childless, is doomed to world fame. But contribution to our world is not measured by a person's fame, but by the benefit we bring to someone else.

In other words, if Maria Petrovna directs her kindness and best qualities to creating a shelter for homeless animals, helping lonely pensioners, creativity or something else, she is able to bring much greater benefits than if she focused all her outstanding qualities on two or three children .

Friedrich Nietzsche believed that in order for anyone to have a child, they themselves need to become a worthy person. Photo: upload.wikimedia.org

This is a different level of consciousness. This is what Michelangelo, for example, said, who, by the way, created many masterpieces on Christian themes:

“Art is jealous and demands the whole person. I have a wife to whom everything belongs, and my children are my creations.”

Therefore, childlessness is not a sentence, but an indication from God that a person has some other, certainly important, purpose for this world.

To understand the will of God, you need to listen

Many people often ask how to understand the will of God, how to find a husband or wife? Do you need to pray to meet your chosen one?

Priest Andrei Tkachev answers like this:

“Earnest prayer tests the degree of desire. It happens that you pray for a long time and come to an internal question: do I need it? This means that through prayer you have discovered a depth within yourself at which the need has disappeared. If such a desire does not disappear, then it really is a need of your whole life. Continue to pester the Lord like the widow of the Gospel (Luke 18:2-5) and do not forget to end your prayer with the words: “not as I want, but as You want...”

Andrey Tkachev priest

The Old Testament speaks negatively about childlessness, but we live according to the New Testament, where this is not the case

In the Bible you can find far from the most pleasant episodes associated with children. If a person who is worried about why the Lord does not give children looks into the Old Testament, a feeling of inferiority may arise.

Let's take an example:

“And Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, and Rachel was jealous of her sister, and she said to Jacob, “Give me children; otherwise, I will die.” Jacob was angry with Rachel and said to [her], “Am I God, who did not give you the fruit of the womb?” She said: Here is my maid Bilhah; come in to her; Let her give birth on my knees, so that I too may have children by her. And she gave Bilhah her maid to him to wife; and Jacob went in to her."

(Gen. 30:1–4)

We see a terrifying picture. Spouses who have spent many years living together begin to quarrel and accuse each other of infertility. And for the sake of the dubious joy of procreation, Jacob agrees to cheat on his own wife and have children from a strange woman whom he does not even love.

For 2000 years we have been living according to the New Testament, but for some reason we quote the Old Testament about infertility.

We often reproach young people for intimate relationships without love and marriage, but here you go - the other side of the coin: there is marriage, but no love. Is such an action really pleasing to God? Of course not. Is it worth reminding that Rachel’s childbirth ended up costing her life?

All this shows us not the fulfillment of the will of the Almighty, but the terrible foundations of some Semites of the Old Testament times, when childbirth was raised to an absolute, and this absolute went beyond all reasonable limits. But we live in a different era. Archpriest Alexy (Uminsky) says:

“Although Christ came to Earth 2000 years ago, and the Gospel was given to us, in its internal content, humanity still looks at the world quite like the Old Testament. Even pagan. Which is essentially about the same thing.

After all, both in the pagan family and in the Old Testament, childlessness, that is, interruption of the family, was perceived as a consequence of some kind of personal spiritual imperfection. This cannot happen in Christianity.”

Alexey Anatolyevich Uminsky

archpriest

The Old Testament characters Jacob and Rachel doted on each other until it turned out that they had problems with childbearing. Photo: artchive.ru

We live according to the commandments of Christ, and those historical evidence of the mistakes of biblical characters that are recorded for us in the Bible should not confuse people and be a role model. Christ loves children, but never says that the purpose of a person’s life or starting a family is to give birth. Divine love does not depend on this.

Father Alexy adds:

“Sometimes we cannot accommodate God’s Providence for us, we cannot understand it. But if a person has determined the main thing in his relationship to God, if he has realized that He is Love for him, then this person will be able to accept all sorrow from His hand, including childlessness. Like some kind of cross, like some kind of fulfillment of oneself in a different way, in a different way, finding the outpouring of one’s marital love on something else or on someone else.”

Alexey Anatolyevich Uminsky

archpriest

Unpreparedness

Why didn't God give me a husband? Why does your loved one continue to pass by and not pay attention and not ask you to marry? Unpreparedness. The Lord gives one person another in marriage only when both come to him, all the priests say it with one voice. If love does not reign in a marriage, there is no responsibility and mutual understanding - such unions are simply unpredictable, because everyone loves only himself.

You must not just believe in God, who always takes care of those who ask and suffer, the main thing is to believe and continue to pray, to preserve yourself for future love and pure relationships. The main thing is to wait and trust God, and not to give marriage vows to anyone you meet.

There is no point in praying for God to give a child, although the Almighty can answer

There is a popular misconception among modern Christians that prayer is a way to ask the Almighty for something. It’s as if God is sitting somewhere and has no idea what is good for a person and what is bad. And then suddenly there was a hint in prayer: “God, give me children,” and a solution was immediately found.

No. It doesn't happen that way. God does everything in this world for a reason, and therefore does not need hints on how and what to change. Prayer is a way to express gratitude, to communicate with the Lord, but not to order something from Him, like Santa Claus.

Prayer is not a way to ask, but a means of communicating with God.

If God thinks we need something, He will provide every means to achieve it. That is, He does not give courage to a coward, but creates difficult circumstances in which this courage can be cultivated. But he does this only according to His will.

If a believer does not know why God does not give children to him, then how can he be sure that these children are generally useful to him? Perhaps the circumstances would have led to some disastrous result. Father Vladimir (Golovin) in the video below recommends never asking God for anything, but trusting him.

Is there any point in begging God for something that He does not give for our benefit? (Protege Vladimir Golovin)

Pilgrimage to holy places

Make a pilgrimage to some Holy places, bow before the holy saints, ask for help from them. From many parts of the world, women of different ages regularly visit places such as:

1. Western Wall in Israel.
2. Holy Trinity Seraphim-Diveevo Convent.
3. Tibet in China.
4. Temple of Karnak in Egypt.
5. Pokrovsky Monastery in Moscow and many other Holy places.

They travel a long distance to pray there and perform rituals. Most of the visitors to such places ended up becoming happy parents, so don’t lose hope, visit them too.

Be patient, because for God to give you a baby, you need to really want it and deserve it. When the suffering ends, the Lord will send you a daughter or son. These tips will definitely help you and you will definitely experience happy motherhood!

God can give children in response to sincere prayer, but it is better not to ask Him

It happens that God, out of great love for us, yields to persistent and sincere prayer. In a similar way, a parent can buy a harmful product for a child, simply because the son or daughters are very tearfully asking for it. We know it will hurt, but in the end, sometimes the child's yearnings outweigh.

But don't try to force it. Christian authorities agree that even if God relents and allows everything to happen according to the will of man, these events will still have a sad outcome.

This is the case when the Almighty allows us to experience a mistake from our own experience and understand that we should not tell God how and what to do.

The Church and modern methods of combating infertility

Modern technologies allow even women who could not get pregnant for many years to finally become a mother. What does the Church say about the use of these methods?

To begin with, it should be clarified that all medications that help restore the reproductive function of the body are allowed and welcomed by the Church as a safe way to improve health and fulfill the human part. Therefore, the following methods are allowed:

• medical examinations;
• use of hormonal drugs;
• tracking menstrual cycles;
• use of appropriate medications.

But the following were prohibited by the Council of Bishops in 2000:

• in vitro fertilization;
• surrogacy.

Church opinion on IVF

Why is IVF prohibited? Because this is a gross invasion of the mystery of conception and the accompanying murder of children. The decision of the Council prohibited Orthodox believers from using all types of this procedure.

Eco is performed as follows: superovulation is stimulated, which makes it possible to obtain a large number of eggs, the best ones are selected from them and fertilized with the husband’s seed. The fertilized cells are then placed in a special incubator where they mature so that they can be partly transplanted into the uterus and partly frozen.

Important! There is no guarantee that a miscarriage will not occur, but embryos are always destroyed or killed during the procedure. Therefore, the Church strictly prohibits these procedures.

God cannot help but give children for sins

Some people are interested in what sins God does not give children for. But it doesn't work that way. Reward for a righteous life and punishment for an unrighteous one, according to Christian doctrine, will take place after the Last Judgment. And all life-time circumstances are determined only by a person’s lifestyle.

It is the lifestyle of a person or his parents that leads to infertility, not sins.

Let's say, why doesn't God give a child to a drunkard? It’s clear why: health problems arose from alcoholism; it was man who deprived himself of children, not God. Or it happens that a person was born initially with problems of the reproductive system.

Here it is worth asking the parents who, through their lifestyle, influenced the child’s heredity. And lifetime punishments and rewards for sins are already in Eastern religious traditions, but not Christianity.

Who says loneliness is bad?

We must remember that not a single person who is happy and who is doing well in his life will blame and humiliate others. Those who try to humiliate a single woman, trying to bait her with questions when she has already found someone, suffer themselves, and very much. For those who are concerned about such a question addressed to others, it is better to give a hug and the phone number of a psychotherapist. It is important to consider that, having learned to live with himself, a person gains maturity, he moves forward, much further than himself, who clutches other people like straw.

At the same time, loneliness is not the ultimate dream, and that’s normal. Most people still want to be in a couple. This is normal. But the unhealthy will chaotically ask why God does not give a husband, strive to avoid the slightest chance of being without a partner, feel shame for this, or condemn those who live alone.

“God gave a child, He will also give for a child” and other folk wisdom teaches to trust the Lord

Popular wisdom teaches us to trust God in any situation. For example:

1. “God gave a child, He will also give for a child . If you decide to give birth, then there are definitely resources and opportunities in the world to raise your child with dignity.
2. “Without children there will be grief, but with children it will be twice as bad . Children mean a lot of worries, problems and worries. If you are not destined to give birth, then this makes sense: a person lives freer and calmer. For some reason, the Lord needs him in some other role, but not as a parent.
3. “Without children it’s sad, with children it’s troublesome . The same.
4. “All beavers are kind to their own beavers . A person's life changes greatly with the birth of a child. Not always for the better. In some ways, people can become tougher and more selfish.
5. “Children are joy, children are also sorrow . Children are not only happiness, as they often say. They are also a huge responsibility, worries, and difficulties. You need to be prepared for them.
6. “To give birth to children is not to break branches . A child is a difficult stage in a person’s life. It should not be taken lightly.
7. “Little children won’t let you eat, big kids won’t let you live . Children always bring worries. Don't expect everything to stop when they grow up. Every age brings its own difficulties.

How does the Orthodox Church relate to IVF?

Unlimited trust in the Creator

Many people think that the world is monstrously unfair. No one knows why some are born wealthy, others poor, some people have good health, while others are seriously ill. But in any situation you need to trust the Lord, follow him and use opportunities to find what is really important. Spouses need to remember that God is Love. You may not understand the Providence of the Creator, but you must live, completely trusting Him.

Many people worry that their marriage may break down due to a lack of heirs. But there are many cases when spouses separate even if they have children. Or, on the contrary, they live together until the end of their days, despite the lack of children. The main thing is that there is love between spouses. If it is not there, even children cannot save the marriage.

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