Love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 gives us the most detailed description of what love is and is not. We read:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 “Love is patient, it is kind, love does not envy, love does not boast, is not proud, does not act rudely, does not seek its own, is not easily provoked, does not think evil, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Below we will try to consider in more detail each of the qualities that are characteristic of love and what are not.

i) “Love is patient” (1 Corinthians 14:4)

The expression "long-suffering" is the Greek verb "makrothumeo", consisting of the word "macros", which means "long", and "thumos", which means "wrath", "fury". In other words, "makrothumeo" means "to be slow to anger" and is the antonym of "hot-tempered." "Makrothumeo" is more likely to be used in relation to people than to situations. There is another Greek word to convey the meaning of “to be patient in situations” that is used later in the same passage in 1 Corinthians. Therefore, love is characterized not by instant irritation (or temper) towards people, but by patience.

Explanation of chapter 13 of the Apostle Paul's letter to the Corinthians

Having opened the Bible in the right place, we will see the words of the apostle about what true love should be in the Christian meaning. It is noteworthy that the Apostle Paul in his youth was an ardent and passionate persecutor of Christ and refuted His teaching in every possible way. After Divine revelation to him, he believed in the true God and began to serve with the same boldness.

Holy Apostle Paul

It was this servant of the Lord who put together and wrote down the main 16 characteristics of love, a list of which we see in his letter to the Corinthians. According to Christian doctrine, love:

Long-suffering. Very often, long-suffering is interpreted incorrectly, meaning uncomplaining patience with humiliation, insults and other unacceptable things in a relationship. Such relationships, as a rule, have nothing in common with Christian virtue, but are in fact only weakness and codependency that need to be fought. Longsuffering is the ability to wait for repentance and recovery of the soul. If a person is long-suffering, it means that he believes in the correction of sin and treats his loved one as if he is already perfect.
He is merciful. A merciful person does not judge anyone, sees other people’s troubles and tries to help, sympathizes. Charity can be called the essence of love for your neighbor as for yourself - this is how the Apostle Paul defines the essence of love. The husband loves his wife as himself, and the concept of “I” and “you” no longer exists, but only the concept of “we”.
Doesn't envy . Anyone who has at least once experienced the feeling of intense love knows well that you want to share your happiness with the whole world. A person is so filled with his joyful experiences that they literally overflow. In such a state it is absolutely impossible to envy, to desire anything that another has. On the contrary, a person is ready to give all of himself, he is so filled with his feeling.

Prayers for the gift of love:

Prayer for peace and love in the family
Prayer to increase love and eradicate hatred
Prayers to Saints Peter and Fevronia for love in the family

Not exalted. True spiritual connection between people presupposes the natural elevation of one's neighbor. This does not mean at all that we should humiliate ourselves and sacrifice ourselves in every possible way to our loved ones. A true connection is always mutual and reciprocal, and it is quite natural to want greater benefits for a loved one. In close relationships there cannot be a spirit of competition - each of the partners is always ready to give in, just so as not to destroy the close contact.

True love is always generous
Not proud . Pride is always a kind of isolation, an attempt to prove one’s superiority, independence, and significance. A proud person is not able to build truly deep and sincere relationships because he does not let anyone get too close. Loving people, on the contrary, know their place in relationships, recognize their need for each other, and their affection for each other.
Doesn't act outrageously . A loving person is always affectionate and attentive to the object of his feelings. As long as relationships are built on love, a person will do his best to avoid any conflicts, quarrels, or difficult showdowns. As soon as there is a shortage of good feelings in a relationship, aggression immediately appears, and love reconciles everyone.
Not looking for his own . By searching for one’s own, one means benefit, concern only with oneself and one’s problems. Such a person always calculates what a particular relationship will bring him, and if the result is not in his favor, he simply refuses it. True love is very rich, it fills a person from within so much that he is ready to endlessly share it with others, without at all calculating what he will receive in return.
Doesn't get annoyed . Irritation is always a sign of some kind of emotional stress. Close, trusting relationships presuppose freedom of spirit and comfort for people; they do not lead to the accumulation of fatigue and negativity. Love does not need the release of negative feelings in the form of irritation, since it does not create any bad experiences.
Thinks no evil. True love is always generous, it does not allow revenge, resentment, evil, hatred. Even if another person behaves badly and offends a loved one, he will never return evil for evil. Christians are called to love our neighbors as ourselves, so when we wish harm on others, we harm ourselves.
Doesn't rejoice in lies. Love can be built solely on trust and great closeness of people, which completely excludes any deception, tricks, intrigues, of which there are a lot in the modern world. Only a sincere and deep feeling is able to resist the evil of the world, even after encountering betrayal and treachery. There are many examples of such relationships in classical literature. So, the heroine F.M. Dostoevsky in “Crime and Punishment” by Sonya Marmeladova, love for Raskolnikov does not fade after she learns about his crime. She only calls him to repentance with all her might, thereby wishing him the salvation of his soul.

Paul reveals the meaning of the Christian understanding of love
Covers everything . Love is a great power that can “cover” many of the weaknesses of those who are deprived of this power. This does not mean that you need to justify any unpleasant actions of people. To cover means to help heal without giving unnecessary publicity, without disgracing the one who stumbled. A loving person strives to make up for the lack of virtue in his beloved, since he himself is filled and has an excess.
Believes everything . Perhaps one of the most controversial places, causing a lot of controversy. On the one hand, we all want to fully believe in our loved ones and not doubt them. On the other hand, life experience shows that one can be very cruelly deceived in one’s trust. Well, here we must admit that complete trust is always a risk. But without this risk it is impossible to know the full depth of love, since mistrust and doubt destroy it. A loving person will believe until the end.
He hopes everything . This point is inextricably linked with the previous one. To hope means to see the best in others, to believe that this best is there and will definitely manifest itself, even if it is not noticeable now.
Never stops . From the Christian point of view, love has no end, it is eternal. According to Anthony of Sourozh, telling a person “I love you” is the same as declaring to him that he will never die, that he will live forever. This is a great consolation for loving people - to know that their feelings go into eternity, come into contact with it and do not fade away with the extinction of the body.

ii) “Love is kind” (1 Corinthians 14:4)

Another property that characterizes love is that it is merciful. The Greek equivalent of the word "merciful" is the verb "chresteuomai", which is used only in the New Testament. However, it is only used a few times in the other two forms. One is the adjective "chrestos", while the other is the noun "chrestotes". "Chrestos" means "kind, gentle, benevolent, merciful; beneficent, despite ingratitude." Accordingly, “chresteuomai” means to show oneself “chrestos”, i.e., to be kind, good, merciful, despite the possible ingratitude shown in return.

Second Council Epistle of St. Peter the Apostle

2 Pet., 68 chapters, III, 1-18.

Chapter 3.

1 This is the second letter I am writing to you, beloved; in them, as a reminder, I awaken your pure meaning,

2 That you may remember the words spoken before by the holy prophets, and the commandment of the Lord and Savior delivered by your apostles.

3 Know this first of all, that in the last days there will appear arrogant scoffers, walking after their own lusts

4 and saying, Where is the promise of His coming? For ever since the fathers began to die, from the beginning of creation, everything remains the same.

5 Those who think this way do not know that in the beginning, by the word of God, the heavens and the earth were made of water and made of water:

6 Therefore the world that was then perished, being drowned by water.

7 But the present heavens and earth, which are contained by the same Word, are reserved for fire against the day of judgment and destruction of wicked men.

8 One thing must not be hidden from you, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.

9 The Lord is not slack in fulfilling his promise, as some count slackness; but he is patient with us, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

10 But the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night, and then the heavens will pass away with a noise, and the elements will be destroyed with burning fire, and the earth and all the works on it will be burned up.

11 If all this is destroyed in this way, what kind of people should you be in holy life and godliness?

12 looking for and desiring the coming of the day of God, in which the burning heavens will be destroyed and the burning elements will melt?

13 However, according to His promise, we look forward to new heavens and a new earth, in which righteousness dwells.

14 Therefore, beloved, looking forward to this, be diligent to appear before Him undefiled and blameless in peace;

15 And consider the longsuffering of our Lord to be salvation, just as our beloved brother Paul, according to the wisdom given to him, wrote to you,

16 as he speaks of this also in all his epistles, in which there are some things difficult to understand, which the ignorant and unstable twist to their own destruction, just as they do the other Scriptures.

17 Therefore, beloved, being forewarned of these things, take heed lest you be carried away by the error of the wicked and fall from your own affirmation,

18 But grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.

Priest Stefan Domuschi comments.

The reading that was just heard is an excellent example of the fact that we can look at the same phenomenon in different ways. School and especially natural science approaches teach us to strive for an unambiguous and accurate assessment of a phenomenon. In physics this is quite understandable, in literature not so much... At the same time, there are areas in which the assessment obviously depends on our attitude, on what we ourselves internally choose.

In this case, the apostle gives as an example the expectation of the end of the world, which never comes. It seems that in his time how could one talk about this? We can understand this, because almost two thousand years have passed since the events of the Ascension of the Lord, but he writes about this when not even half a century has passed. Were there really people already then who were expecting Christ’s return so quickly?

On the one hand, it is obvious that this was the case. For example, the Apostle John the Theologian ends the book of Revelation with an appeal addressed to Christ. He says, “Come quickly, Lord Jesus.” Moreover, it has always been obvious to Church historians and New Testament specialists that the early Christian communities were characterized by so-called eschatologism, that is, a constant and joyful expectation of the return of Christ. Not the end of the world, which is typical for people today, but precisely a meeting with the resurrected Teacher, about whom the apostles told them.

However, apparently, this is not what the Apostle Peter writes about. The intonation he puts into the mouths of those whom he calls arrogant scolders is completely different. Instead of expecting Christ, they initially clearly and defiantly do not believe in his coming. These people want to live according to their lusts, but in order to ease their conscience, they try to justify their skepticism by citing the obvious: “Christ has not yet come.”

This is obvious and neither those who are waiting for Him nor those who do not believe in Him will argue with this. But for the apostle something else is important: the fact must be interpreted and everyone does it as they see fit. Some deny and live as they want, while others see it as patience and love. Everyone judges not only by external signs, but chooses the signs themselves and explains them according to their desires. The Apostle Peter says that even the Scriptures can be interpreted by people to suit themselves. As an example, he refers to the letters of Paul, which can be difficult to understand, which is what such interpreters take advantage of.

Naturally, this selectivity is not limited to the topic of recent times. In a variety of areas, be it the existence of God or the meaning of life, the choice of a moral or immoral act. Our opinion at a depth, perhaps imperceptible even to ourselves, is connected with our desire. Of course, at the simplest and bodily level, desires are determined by the needs of our body... but those desires that are associated with the life of our spirit depend on us... That is why we are responsible for them. There are those who perceive freedom as a curse, while Christians perceive it as a gift. After all, goodness acquires value only when we choose it freely.

iii) “Love does not envy” (1 Corinthians 14:4)

The word used in this passage for “envious” is the Greek verb “zeloo.” Its corresponding noun is “zelos”. The words "Zeloo" and "zelos" are both used in a positive and negative sense. In a positive sense, they are used with the meaning of “zeal”, “zeal”. For example, in 1 Corinthians 14:1 we are encouraged to pursue love and be zealous [zeloo] for spiritual gifts. However, most often "zelos" and zeloo" are used in a negative sense. In this sense, "zelos" means "envy", "jealousy". James 3:14-16 explains the consequences of jealousy and its source:

James 3:14-16 “But if you have bitter envy [zelos] and contentiousness in your heart, do not boast or lie about the truth. This is not wisdom descending from above, but earthly, spiritual, demonic, for where there is envy [zelos] and contentiousness, there is disorder and everything bad.”

The source of envy and jealousy is the flesh, the old nature (see also Galatians 5:20). Driven by envy, you rejoice when I suffer and suffer when I rejoice—the exact opposite of what the Word of God commands (1 Corinthians 12:26). And vice versa, since love does not envy, when you love, you rejoice when I rejoice, and you suffer with me when I suffer.

iv) “Love does not boast” (1 Corinthians 14:4)

The word translated here as “exalted” is the Greek verb “perpereuomai,” meaning “to make oneself appear boastful or boastful.” This is behavior when they constantly say: “I did, I have, I committed... etc.” Such a person uses the word “I” very often. As believers, we sometimes do the same. We say, “I did this and that for the Lord...”, “I prayed so much,” “I spent so much time studying the Bible today,” “I know this and that from the Bible...” meaning, “I more significant than you, since you most likely haven’t done “that much.” But when we truly love, we do not boast, for we realize that there is nothing that distinguishes us from any other brother or sister in the body of Christ. As 1 Corinthians 4:7 says:

1 Corinthians 4:7 “For who distinguishes you? What do you have that you wouldn't get? And if you received it, why do you boast as if you didn’t receive it?”

Everything we have was given to us by the Lord. These are not our achievements. Therefore, we have no right to boast about anything or anyone other than the Lord. 1 Corinthians 1:31 tells us:

1 Corinthians 1:31 “THE WHO BOASTED BROADED IN THE LORD.”

Therefore, will we boast about our own abilities, worth, or even dedication? If we love, we will not do this. Because if we love, we will boast in the Lord and in Him alone.

Family and civic responsibilities of Christians according to the Apostle Paul

a) The Mystery of Christian Marriage (Eph. 5:22–23)

In the First Epistle to the Corinthians (chapter 7), the Apostle Paul outlined his teaching on family life and virginity. There he gives preference to virginity if it is chosen for the sake of the Lord. Here he expounds his doctrine of the height of Christian marriage (Eph. 5:22–23).

The Apostle points to the Divine establishment of marriage: for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh (Gen. 2:24). The depth of unity of both spouses extends to the point that they lose their limited individual qualities and each become the owner of mutual completeness - the two of them make up one body.

Marriage is also a sacrament, a mystery, the prototype of which is the mystery of the union of Christ and the Church: this mystery is great; I speak in relation to Christ and to the Church (Eph. 5:32). After all, every member of a marriage union before marriage is already a member of the body of Christ, that is, the Church. Of course, the spouses, as one new being, one flesh, cleave to Christ. Marriage as a sacrament is that the grace of Christ, which united a person with Christ in baptism, now unites, blesses and sanctifies the spouses in the image of the union of Christ and the Church.

With this high significance of Christian marriage in mind, the Apostle defines the duties of the spouses. For the real practical life of spouses, the Apostle commands obedience to wives, and love to husbands (Eph. 5:22-28). This is understandable: after all, if marriage is an image of the union of Christ and the Church, then the relationship of the wife to her husband should be similar to the relationship of the Church to Christ. The Church is in obedience to God, and God proved His love for the Church by giving His only begotten Son, who gave Himself to her, in order to sanctify her, cleansing her with the washing of water, through the word (Eph. 5:25-26), i.e. baptism.

The mystery of new life in the Church also determines the relationship of spouses to each other: the Apostle commanded the wife to love her husband as a member of a single marriage union and to fear him as her head. The husband received the responsibility not only to love his wife, but also to arrange her life (Eph. 5:29).

Here some puzzling questions arise:

a) shouldn’t husbands obey their wives? Yes, they should, because the Apostle commanded everyone to obey one another in the fear of God (Eph. 5:21). Where there is the fear of God, there is mutual agreement, peace, love and mutual obedience. But since wives tend to be burdened by their husbands’ dominance over them, they are reminded to obey. And husbands tend to abuse their power over their wives, so the Apostle reminds them of love;

b) How do we understand “let the wife fear” her husband? Like respect for your husband, combined with fear of offending him and thereby reducing mutual love.

Blessed Jerome in the Vulgate translated “let the wife honor” her husband (in the Greek original it was used jobhta, from jobew - to frighten, frighten). After all, a wife should see in her husband not just a cohabitant, but a head appointed by God, raising her mind to the realization of the primacy of Christ over herself. Bewilderment arises from forgetting that the family is, first of all, a church unit.

b) Mutual responsibilities of children and parents (Eph. 6:1–4)

The Apostle points to the duty of children to obey their parents, since this is a duty of justice and one of the first commandments of God. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right (Eph. 6:1), and it is the first commandment with the promise of prosperity and long life (Eph. 6:2; see Exod. 20:12).

The nature of children’s obedience is determined by the words “in the Lord,” that is, if the will of the parents does not agree with the will of God, then the children can and should not listen to them, so as not to violate the greater commandment. St. John Chrysostom says: “They, parents, after God, are the main culprits of our life, therefore they are the first to have the right to our veneration, and then all other people.”

It is the duty of parents to bring up their children patiently: and ye fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4).

The main subject of raising children by parents is the teaching of the Christian faith in life, as well as moral education taking into account the psyche of children.

c) Mutual duties of slaves and masters (Eph. 6:5–9)

The Apostle commands slaves to submit to their masters according to the flesh with fear and trembling, in simplicity of heart...as to Christ (Eph. 6:5). Christianity set the task of liberating people not from masters in the flesh - not from external slavery, but from masters over the soul - from internal slavery. Externally, the organization of life was not part of the direct task of Christianity, but it made even the service of a slave a means of growth and liberation of the inner, made it a virtue. As a result, its humiliating character is lost; it is performed not for the sake of people-pleasing or fear, but voluntarily; This means that a slave is already a slave only in name, but in essence he is a slave of Christ, and not a master in the flesh. The Christian call to humility and obedience to God is the surest path to gaining inner freedom of spirit. Moreover, the Lord will reward everyone according to the good he has done (Eph. 6:8).

On the other hand, the Apostle commands masters to do the same with slaves, moderating severity, knowing that over everyone there is an unfeigned judge - the Lord (Eph. 6:9). Whatever kind of Lord God you want to have over you, be like that in relation to your subordinates, because for God there is no difference between a slave and a master, He created everyone the same.

From the book of Archpriest Stefan Zyla “The Epistles of the Apostle Paul. A Guide to Study and Interpretation."

v) “Love is not proud” (1 Corinthians 14:4)

Another property that is not inherent in love is pride. The Greek equivalent of the word "to be proud" is the verb "fusioo", which literally means "to puff up, swell, swell." It is used seven times in the New Testament, six of which are in 1 Corinthians. In all these cases it is used in a metaphorical sense with the meaning of pride. A typical use of this word is found in 1 Corinthians 8:1, where we read:

1 Corinthians 8:1-3 “Concerning food sacrificed to idols - approx. author] we know because we all have knowledge; but knowledge puffs up [fusioo], but love edifies. Anyone who thinks that he knows anything does not yet know anything as he should know. But whoever loves God has been given knowledge from Him.”

Mental knowledge puffs up. We study the Bible not to acquire knowledge for the mind, but to know God, who reveals Himself in Him. As 1 John 4:8 says, “Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love.” Without love we will not know God, even if we know all the Scriptures. Moreover, if mental knowledge remains only mental knowledge and is not accompanied by love, it will lead to arrogance, pride, which is completely opposite to the qualities of love.

Short Bible quotes about love.

God is love. John 4.8
Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles. Sol 24.17
Just as in water there is face to face, so a person’s heart is to man. Proverbs 27,19
What you hate, don’t do to anyone. Commodity 4.15
Greater love has no one than to lay down his life for his friends. John 15,13
But to you who hear, I say: love your enemies, do good to those who hate you. Luke 6:27
Bless those who curse you and pray for those who abuse you. Luke 6:28
He who loves his brother abides in the light, and there is no temptation in him. 1 John 2:10
Love consists in our acting according to His commandments. 2John 6
Above all, put on love, which is the sum of perfection. Col.3,14
Let us love Him because He first loved us. 1John 4:19
If you love Me, keep My commandments. John 14,15
The Lord protects all those who love Him. Ps.144.20
This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. John 15,12
Love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 22:39

vii) “Love does not seek its own” (1 Corinthians 14:5)

A little more about how love does not act - it does not seek its own. The expression "one's" corresponds to the Greek possessive pronoun "eautou". There are only a few places in the Bible that instruct us not to seek our own. Romans 15:1-3 says:

Romans 15:1-3 “We who are strong must bear the weaknesses of those who are weak and not please ourselves [eautou]. Each of us must please our neighbor for good and edification. For Christ did not please Himself [eautou], but, as it is written: The slander of those who slandered You fell on Me.”

Also 1 Corinthians 10:23-24: “Everything is lawful for me, but not everything is profitable; everything is permissible for me, but not everything edifies. No one seeks his own, but everyone [the benefit] of the other.”

When we are filled with love, we do not seek to please ourselves, putting ourselves first (individualism). On the contrary, when we serve God in love, we seek to please others and bless them. This is what Jesus did. He served God in love and did not seek to please himself. That's why He went to the Cross. As Philippians 2:7-11 says:

Philippians 2:7-11 “...but [Jesus] made Himself of no reputation [eautou] Himself [Greek: “emptied Himself”] by taking the form of a servant, being made in the likeness of men, and becoming in appearance like a man; He humbled Himself, becoming obedient even to the point of death, even death on the cross. Therefore [as a result – approx. author] and God highly exalted Him and gave Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

Because of His love for us, Jesus gave everything, his whole life, and went to the Cross for us. But was His action in vain and was He personally defeated? NO. On the contrary, because of what HE did, God GLORIFIED HIM. Likewise, when we love, we put aside our own, personal interests and give our priority and attention to God and our brothers and sisters in Christ. Here it is necessary to clarify: when I talk about “personal interests”, I do not mean personal obligations or things that are part of our lives and that we should care about. On the contrary, I am talking rather about when we spend our own time on personal enterprises and hobbies that do not bring glory to God, but only indulge the flesh, the old man.

By giving priority not to ourselves, but to God and His people, we will not end up in defeat, but will receive great reward here and in heaven. As Christ said in John 12:25-26:

John 12:25-26 “He who loves his life will destroy it; But he who hates his life in this world will keep it to eternal life. Whoever serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there will my servant also be. And whoever serves Me, My Father will honor him.”

Also in Mark 10:29-30, “Jesus answered and said, “Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house, or brothers, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for My sake and Gospel, and would not have received NOW, IN THIS TIME, in the midst of persecution, a HUNDRED TIMES MORE houses, and brothers and sisters, and fathers, and mothers, and children, and lands, AND IN THE AGE TO COMING, eternal life.”

Which of the investments you know bring NOW, IN THIS TIME, ONE HUNDRED TIMES MORE than what was spent? Besides, when we stop seeking our own and begin to seek God’s and try for the good of other brothers and sisters in the body of Christ - I don’t know anyone else. To conclude this part, I want to add: we either become individualists, indulging the flesh and its interests, and lose everything, or we love and, instead of first taking care of ourselves, we take care of God and other believers in the body of Christ. In this case, we will receive in return “a hundred times more” plus honor from God Himself.

"Hymn of Love" by the Apostle Paul

Estimated reading time: 12 min.

Archpriest Andrey LORGUS

It is believed that the most sublime lines about love in the Bible belong to the Apostle Paul. “Hymn of love” is called chapter 13 from the First Epistle of the Apostle Paul to the Christians of Corinth. Here is this text, I want to re-read it again and again: «

If I speak in the tongues of men and angels
,
but do not have love
,
then I
am
a ringing brass or a sounding cymbal
.
If I have the gift of prophecy
,
and know all mysteries
,
and have all knowledge and all faith
,
so that I could move mountains
,
but do not have love
,
then I am nothing
.
And if I give away all my property and give my body to be burned
,
but do not have love
,
it is of no benefit to me
.
Love is long-suffering
,
merciful
,
love does not envy
,
love does not exalt itself
,
is not proud, does not act outrageously, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth: it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails, although prophecy will cease, and tongues will be silent, and knowledge will be abolished. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; When that which is perfect comes, then that which is in part will cease. When I was a baby, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, reasoned like a child; and when he became a husband, he left behind his children. Now we see, as if through a dark glass, fortune-telling, but then face to face; Now I know in part, but then I will know, even as I am known. And now these three remain: faith, hope, love, but love is the greatest of these.”

There are 16 properties of love in this text , and each is worthy of separate analysis. Let's think about them from a psychological point of view, as far as this is permissible in relation to the message of the Holy Apostle Paul.

Love is patient. Does this mean that love gives a special power of patience, and does love endure everything? Does he tolerate treason, betrayal, humiliation, etc.? Yes and no. Love, indeed, sometimes forces a person, beyond all expectations, to continue a relationship with a loved one even after his grave sins (this also happens in marriages of codependents, including in marriages with alcoholics. Whatever their wives tolerate! But this does not mean that love must endure violence, humiliation, insults and lies! However, here love is clearly mixed with dependence. Dependency stifles love if patience becomes patience-agreement with sin).

Long-suffering means knowing how to wait for repentance and healing. Long-suffering means “waiting for the perfect,” “knows how to wait until he ripens, when he grows up,” “treats as if the long-awaited has already arrived.” Isn’t this what the Apostle Paul wrote about? An example of such long-suffering love is the love of the forefather-patriarch Jacob for his wife Rachel, whom he fell in love with immediately, but waited for marriage with her twice for seven years, working for his uncle Laban (see Gen. 29: 27).

Love is merciful. Shows mercy, compassion, sympathizes, regrets, opens up to trouble, does not condemn, does not blame. Charity comes from the very essence of love - “loving another as yourself” (Mark 12:31). Elsewhere (Eph. 5:28-29), the Apostle Paul observes: “So ought husbands to love their wives as their own bodies: he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and warms it, just as the Lord does the Church.” The apostle considers love for his wife, another person, as love for himself, without dividing “I” and “you.” At the same time, he emphasizes that this is similar to the attitude towards one’s flesh, that is, one’s body and its life, that love with its inner strength overcomes the inter-individual abyss (Cf.: Gen. 2:24, Mt. 19:5, Mk. 10:71, Cor. 6, 16 - “one flesh” - not a symbiosis, not a merging of personalities, but the closest, most intimate union of two people - a man and a woman).

Such is the mercy characteristic of a loving person; he, as it were, includes his beloved (beloved) into “his body.” Likewise, mercy towards others is based on love, like the attitude towards one’s body. My neighbor is included in the sphere of my being, my cosmos, that is why he is a “neighbor,” that is, like a relative, relatives (physical kinship). Perhaps the apostle understands mercy as making neighbors like their relatives? Such is the merciful love of Grand Duchess Elizabeth Feodorovna, the “holy doctor” Haas, Mother Teresa of Calcutta and our contemporary Dr. Lisa Glinka, as it seems to us.

Love does not envy. As a rule, in love a person experiences such saturation with feelings that he cannot restrain himself from sharing with his loved one; he wants to talk about his feelings, caress, care, etc. (this is especially pronounced in falling in love). Love seeks to express itself. This comes from fullness and excess. And there is no place for envy here, because completeness does not create the need to desire more and compare oneself with others. No comparisons - no envy! Love fills to the brim, leaving no room for anything else.

Love is not exalted. Love is the power of connection with another, which mentally and sensually “transfers” a person to another person, sometimes forgetting himself. Love elevates another in the eyes of the lover, without humiliating oneself, and is happy with this. Here, the rise of a loved one is not the fruit of competition (who is bigger, smarter, more educated, more right than whom), but joy for him, a desire for him more. Quite often, couples who come for consultation continue the disputes they started at home about primacy and rightness. In analyzing the situation, it is discovered that the cause of family troubles is not love, but its lack. When a couple is connected by deep love, there is no competitive spirit. And if to some extent there is, then the rivalry is quickly covered by condescension and compliance. Intimacy is more valuable than self-affirmation. Your own elevation above another destroys love.

Love is not proud. From a psychological point of view, pride is a strong internal attitude of the individual, which has a compensatory and protective meaning. Pride arises from many years of passionate efforts to assert oneself through the refusal of co-existence; it creates the illusion of security and self-sufficiency, seeing in another a dangerous enemy who can destroy a solitary world. The one who loves humbly knows his limits and his need for another, his involvement in the event. Therefore, love does not build fortress walls between itself and others; it cannot be isolated. Love does not lead to the isolation of pride and therefore is not proud.

Love doesn't go wild. A lover is not only affectionate with his beloved, but also helpful, caring, and attentive. And as long as love reigns in a relationship, the lover avoids reproaches, claims, quarrels, and scandals.

When there is not enough love, tension and aggression arise, which is just waiting for a reason to attack. Love reconciles people and eliminates aggression and violence.

Love does not seek its own. “Looking for your own” means looking for your own benefit, thinking only about yourself. Love is super-rich, it abounds in gifts, and therefore is not looking for something else “of its own,” but is ready to generously share with its beloved and with the whole world! It is precisely because of its completeness that love is sacrificial. If a person is empty, he has nothing to share, and his sacrifice will be of a neurotic nature (as a rule, this is how addiction manifests itself).

Love is not irritated. Irritation is a sign of accumulating tension, primarily emotional. Irritation appears when the feeling of love does not correspond, does not resonate with the activities of love (respect, attention, care, knowledge, responsibility). Then love is not realized, but remains “longing of the spirit.” In active love, irritation does not need aggressive discharge, since the energies of love (action) transform from tension into dynamics. A man yearning for love, as soon as the opportunity to do something for his beloved opens up, he immediately becomes cheerful and rushes to do it. Fulfilled love is peaceful.

Love thinks no evil . “Thinks evil” is the one whose condemnation poisons the sprouts of love, who is in the grip of fear, cowardice, envy, shame and resentment. Love is generous, it does not know these feelings. She does not “think” with envious condemnation, touchy rancor. A lover can always “think” good: in his heart there is strength, time, suitable words, tenderness and goodwill. There is intimacy in love, and intimacy gives you involvement in what is happening to your loved one. And if you do not wish harm for yourself, then you will not think harm for the one whom you love as yourself (Remember the Gospel words: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). If you love another as yourself, then You cannot think harm to another. Here it is appropriate to recall one more place in the Bible: “Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies: he who loves his wife loves himself (Eph. 5:28). This is directly related to our topic. If If you love, you won’t wish harm on your beloved, just as you wouldn’t wish harm on yourself).

Love does not rejoice in untruth. Lies, deceit, intrigue, slander play, alas, a big role in our lives. These passions, fueled by fear, often flare up in unstrengthened love, but love drives out fear. Therefore, love can become a space of truth, directness and simplicity, a space that does not allow the untruth of the world from the outside. Love requires closeness and trust, openness and sincerity, and therefore does not believe in deception, hoping for the best, even if it has experience with treachery. Here it is appropriate to recall the biblical story about Samson and David: “Delilah, seeing that he had opened his whole heart to her, sent and called the rulers of the Philistines, saying to them: go now; he has opened his whole heart to me” (Judges 16:18). This is usually perceived as a story of betrayal. But you can look at it from the other side: Samson loved and opened his heart, but Delilah did not love and lied. Samson “did not rejoice,” that is, he did not accept Delilah’s lies. Did he understand that she was deceiving him? Apparently yes. Otherwise, why would he hide the real secret of his strength from her twice? Love is patient: Samson guessed that Delilah might betray him again, but he opposed her untruth with generosity, which, alas, turned into destruction. One can regard his behavior as dependent on passion; or perhaps - as the generosity of love. Another example of love that “does not rejoice in untruth” (there are many of them in literature) is the heroine of “Crime and Punishment” Sonya Marmeladova. Her love for Raskolnikov does not fade, even when she finds out that he is the killer of two defenseless women. Sonya does not justify him, does not reassure him, but only encourages him to repent.

Love covers everything. Love, with its strength and light, can, like a bird covering its chicks, “cover” weakness, baseness, and unworthy behavior. Love is a protection, a disguise of such actions and weaknesses of the individual that need such protection. To cover is to make it seem invisible, as if it had not been. But this does not mean to justify or shield, and also does not mean to hide a sin, mistake or crime. To cover means to heal a wound with the generosity of a healer, to feed the hungry, to warm the freezing. To cover with love means to make up for the lack, the deficit of mercy, piety, righteousness, truth and goodness. And love does this voluntarily, although sometimes unconsciously, by its nature, from an excess of mercy, from generosity. Where goodness diminishes, where sin reigns, there love can fill what is missing.

Love believes everything. Here again the story of Samson comes to mind - he loved Delilah and continued to believe in her. Such faith in love is a risk, because it is not guaranteed by anything, it can lead to devastating consequences. And all the same, love believes so as not to lose trust and intimacy through distrust. Unbelief distances and deprives one of strength; faith in love gives strength, preserves intimacy and love. However, faith does not provide guarantees in relationships. Here a person finds himself on thin ice, when one more step and you can fall into lies, blindness, and dependence. This is the risk! How can you stay in love, continue to believe, but not fall into destructive passion? It depends on the maturity of the individual. Infantile love, for example, like that of children for their parents, is blind; it does not yet know how to distinguish between feelings, motives, intentions, and does not yet have experience. Mature love believes, as it were, beyond experience, allowing for deception or betrayal. A mature person may say to himself: “I know he may deceive me, but I will trust him again as if he were faithful. I will believe because I see possible loyalty in him. I love him the way he is. Even though I admit the sin and mistake of my loved one, I never stop loving and believing in the best.” The addict hides from the truth, but the one who loves the truth sees, understands and believes in the possible. That's the difference! The most important choice here is the free decision to believe, no matter what. But without love it is extremely difficult to make such a decision.

Love hopes everything. Hope is a bond, a bond of faith and love. Love chooses the best in a partner, his possible perseverance, loyalty, responsibility, and strives for these qualities, that is, hopes. Hoping means not just allowing, but expecting and preparing for them. So, the wife, after a long absence from her husband, having learned that he is already close and will soon arrive, prepares to welcome him into the house. She doesn’t just assume the possible, she doesn’t just wait, she’s already preparing. Hope is an active expectation, it is the energy of preparation, of fulfillment. “Blessed is the servant, he will be found in vigil” (from the troparion of Matins on Holy Monday).

Love endures everything. There is no limit to the patience of love, this is well known. But “endures everything” does not mean “not understanding WHAT he endures,” does not mean submission and recklessness. What to endure? Betrayal, betrayal, violence? Responsibility and experience tell us that sometimes one cannot tolerate it anymore. If patience in a relationship indulges in sin and decay, love is destroyed. Then she can choose a healing “no” - like a break, and refusal, and responsibility. Mature love can endure anything, it has a lot of strength, but in addition to strength, it has responsibility.

Love never ends . We can discern two equally valuable meanings for us in these words of the Apostle Paul: from the point of view of time and from the point of view of activity. The first meaning is that love is the very virtue that will remain not only here on earth, but also beyond the grave, in heavenly life. For those who love, it is a great happiness to know and believe that their love has an eternal meaning; that love is not “hormones”, not flesh, but spirit; that love has the highest value, and the lover touches eternity. Bishop Anthony of Sourozh liked to quote the words of one French writer: “To say to a person: “I love you” is the same as telling him: “You will live forever, you will never die...” (Antony, Metropolitan of Sourozh. The Sacrament of Love : Conversation on Christian marriage)

The second meaning is the continuous action of love. She always creates, acts vigilantly, incessantly and does not get tired. Love continues to act even when there is no strength, and it seems that there is no way out in sight. But a way out is found, because in effective love, man’s likeness to the Creator is most manifested, and the Lord does not abandon those who love.

These “definitions” given by the Apostle Paul help distinguish love from addiction. For example, “love covers everything and believes everything” - how can addiction endure this? On the contrary, it is often accompanied by suspiciousness and distrust; dependence needs to control another because it does not trust. In love, trust is born, and with it - freedom. After all, love imposes responsibility and mutual obligations, which can develop into unfreedom. It is very important not to bind your loved one, but to “give freedom” and respect the freedom given by God. Metropolitan Anthony, speaking about dependence, notes:

“Doesn’t it happen too often that if the victim of our love dared to speak, she would beg: “Please love me less, but give me a little freedom!” So from love and trust follows freedom - not connivance and indifference, but distance , to which I can retreat from my beloved, respecting and trusting his personal space.

Excerpt from the book “Falling in Love, Love, Dependence” by Archpriest Andrei Lorgus and psychologist Olga Krasnikova, published by Nikeya

“Infatuation, Love, Addiction” is the first in a series of books on family psychology “The Path of Family Life”, which is addressed to everyone who wants to find guidelines in it and understand the intricacies of marital relationships. This is a presentation of the author’s course of lectures, intended for the widest range of readers. A particularly important section is devoted to the topic of the formation of a dependent personality type in childhood, and this section can become invaluable for every parent thinking about the future of their children.

Buy this book at the Thomas Shop

On the screensaver: fragment of photo by Vinoth Chandar//www.flickr.com

ix) “Love thinks no evil” (1 Corinthians 14:5)

The word "thinks" here is the equivalent of the Greek verb "logizomai", which means "to consider, to take into account." Literally it means: “to calculate in the mind; engage in reflection and calculation." A more accurate translation is given in the Russian translation of the New Testament “Word of Life”, where it is written: “... does not remember evil,” i.e. quickly and forever forgets the harm that may have been caused to her. Sometimes people in the world spend years making plans to take revenge on someone who has harmed them. But when we live, having put on a new nature, when we abide in love, then we do not remember the evil done to us and forget it.

x) “Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth” (1 Corinthians 14:6)

The word "untruth" corresponds to the Greek word "adikia". It has the following meaning: “that which does not correspond to the right; what should not happen; something that should not happen as a result of revealed truth; therefore, being evil, unrighteous.” Anything that goes against the truth is unrighteousness. And since we know from John 17:17 that truth is the Word of God, anything that goes against that Word is adikia, unrighteousness. So, according to this passage, love rejoices in the truth, the Word of God, and not in what is contrary to Him and is unrighteousness.

xi) “Love endures all things” (1 Corinthians 14:7)

The word "transfers" is the Greek verb "stego". A typical use of this word is found in 1 Corinthians 9:12, which describes how Paul and His brethren, despite their great authority, chose not to exercise their right to “live by the gospel” (1 Corinthians 9:14): “... But we endure everything [stego], so that we do not put any obstacle to the gospel of Christ” (1 Corinthians 9:12). They endured everything for the sake of the Gospel of Christ, and their motive was love, because love endures everything, endures everything.

xiii) “Love hopes all things” (1 Corinthians 14:7)

Another quality of love that God's Word tells us about is that love hopes for everything. Again, the expression “all things” must be seen in the larger context of God’s Word. With hope, as with faith, the reference point for “everything” is what Scripture says. Therefore, love hopes for everything that God has determined as a future reality, that which we should hope for. Of course, the most obvious of all is the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.