Seeing with the heart or a battle for speech: a story about a mother’s love and faith in a special child

13 years ago, Alexandra Rybalko’s life turned upside down forever. Her second son, Dimka, was born at night, quickly - the little man seemed to be in a hurry to announce his appearance to the world. All indicators were within normal limits, the doctors said. Normal weight, development. And he screamed, screamed, screamed... For days, months, years. This story is about a mother's faith. About her big heart and enormous inner strength. About not giving up. This story is about how not to give up and break down walls every day - from misunderstanding, stereotypes and indifference. The story of maternal love is told by the news agency KrasnodarMedia.

Seven circles of hell

After the birth of her son, Alexandra went to doctors and begged to see the baby, assuring that the mother’s heart felt that her son was screaming for a reason. The mother switched the baby to infant formula. Dimka categorically refused to breastfeed, spitting out everything he didn’t like with childish persistence, choking and choking. Later, he will also definitely refuse any complementary foods recommended by pediatricians. At 10 months old, the son stole chocolate from the pocket of his mother’s sleeping robe, which she kept close at hand so as not to fall from hunger and fatigue - Dimka fell in love with chocolate immediately and forever.

Alexandra Rybalko. Photo: From the personal archive of A. Rybalko

And the cry...the endless cry of the son. Alexandra remembers that time with horror and goosebumps. But it was necessary to take care of the eldest son - Ilya was only six years old at that time.

When Dima was three years old, doctors made a diagnosis indicating intestinal pathology. Thus began the second round of “walking through torment.” Constipation for five days, a bunch of medications that do not give the desired effect... and again screaming...

Four years later, the family moved from Vladivostok to St. Petersburg. Dimka already ate a certain set of foods, very, very limited - by the way, he set all the restrictions himself: potatoes, pasta - of a strictly defined shape, cucumbers, milk and chocolate. And he still refused to try new food - he simply spat it out and started screaming even louder... Feeding his son was a colossal problem, and putting pressure and forcing him was useless. Her son’s cry was Alexandra’s constant “companion” and seemed to be absorbed into her skin and brain.

- I have always been alone with my children... I’m not trying to evoke a feeling of pity, not at all, all these years are happiness, they contain my strength and energy... And I managed to do everything: training - I’m a fitness trainer, business trips, study, work , cooking, walking with children and talking, I adored and adore their voices, laughter, smiles. Of course, I “sacrificed” sleep and relationships, and I didn’t particularly strive to have a relationship - they prevented me from focusing on the main thing, on my children. But, you know, I still believe that the man with whom I want to run on dates and dress up will appear,” Alexandra says calmly and frankly.

Alexandra Rybalko works as a fitness trainer. Photo: From the personal archive of A. Rybalko

At that time, Dima still did not speak. At all. Mom was lucky to get a ticket to a very good kindergarten, where a speech therapist worked with the children. Six months later, Dima began to talk a little, albeit in an incomprehensible language, and this was already a victory, and his favorite diet was replenished with bread and sausages.

“The neurologist who was recommended to us conducted an examination and reported that during my rapid labor the child had high intracranial pressure, which tormented him periodically and then - that’s why he screamed so much,” shares Alexandra.

Dima could only be treated with liquid drugs; he could not take pills - he was physically unable to swallow them, and the mere sight of a syringe literally made him shake.

Walking through torment - part two

The woman made the decision to move to Krasnodar after her eldest son, Ilya, became practically chronically ill with colds—the damp St. Petersburg climate was harmful to his health.

— Eight years ago, in October, we flew to Krasnodar, went for a walk... I walked and cried, I wanted so much to go back, but then through my tears I talked to myself and decided: we will live here! - recalls the mother of two children.

The usual everyday life began: buying an apartment, renovating, sending Ilya to school. But problems began with Dimka’s placement in the garden.

- I remember I was worried at night, and there were snot and tears too... Sometimes it’s scary to take a step forward, and even in an unfamiliar city, when you’re like a girl with 44 kilograms of weight, and all the responsibility for the children is on you - no family, no friends near. But I'm a positive person. And positive thoughts in my head really helped to realize my desires,” Alexandra smiles.

The mother hired speech therapists and defectologists for her son, took her to a psychologist, but there was no use: the child could not even learn the letters, he confused them and... again he screamed all the time, was offended and cried.

Dima is 9 years old. Photo: From the personal archive of A. Rybalko

Speech - in fact, it was the wall between society and a small child, smart, intelligent, but absolutely unable to speak, which, as we know, is the most powerful means of communication with the world. Dimka had difficulty understanding what was being said to him, and people did not understand at all what the baby was saying. But meanwhile - he tried! Forming sounds into words and sentences that only he can understand. The mother believed that her child was not mentally retarded, he just needed to be taught to speak. And this “simple” turned out to be the most difficult thing she had ever overcome in her life.

At the age of six, Dimka still could not part with his pacifier. There was a year left before school and Alexandra did not understand what to do next, because it seemed that everything had been tried.

Alexandra Rybalko. Photo: From the personal archive of A. Rybalko

Endless surfing on the Internet yielded a result: the mother “fished out” the name of a famous neurologist in Krasnodar from a huge flow of information.

At that time, it was given: the development of a six-year-old son froze at the level of a two-year-old, a limited range of foods that he was ready to eat, a pacifier and a cry instead of words.

— I told the doctor about everything that worries me, that I don’t want to yell at my son and force him to do something, that I believe in the power of love and kindness, and that my son is not hopeless “We just need help,” shares Alexandra.

Regular examinations prescribed by the doctor showed that both hemispheres of the boy’s brain are working perfectly, but the frontal lobe is damaged and there is a cyst. There were also medical terms that frightened my mother: organic brain damage, “star memory”, signs of autism - such as, for example, an incredibly biased attitude towards food.

Dima is 11 years old. Photo: From the personal archive of A. Rybalko

Let us clarify: Dimka is not disabled since childhood. Children with such diagnostic disorders are not given a disability. Most often, mental retardation appears in their charts, but only as an assumption, not as a diagnosis.

The six-month treatment yielded insignificant results: by the age of seven, Dimka stopped sucking a pacifier and still did not agree to eat new foods, and was even terribly afraid of insects. And again, and again - screams and “gibberish language”, which my mother and brother had already learned to understand.

However, the child became more sociable and even came up with his own board games.

Orthodox blog

An Orthodox family is a family whose purpose is to live with God and save the soul. The opposite of it is the family... “civilian”, the goal of which is a happy life on earth and procreation. But at the same time, both an Orthodox and a civil family can be both good and bad, just as there are good and bad Christians, highly moral and immoral people. Both an Orthodox and a civil family can be full-fledged, happy, and strong, but the guarantee of happiness still lies in the spiritual sphere.

When a person in a family lives for himself: strives for comfort, wants to be loved, understood, shares his views, strives to continue his family, then, despite the seeming naturalness of all these desires, such a family has a high probability that the family it will cease to exist, since it is not always possible to create comfort, someone else, as it turns out, will be able to love you more, and will understand better and will want to become the father of your children...

If both husband and wife (or at least one of them) live for the other, then the situation becomes exactly the opposite: a person in this case strives to act, think and feel in such a way that those who are next to him feel calm, good and comfortable. If this is an Orthodox family, then this desire becomes even higher: the spouses try to help each other become better and get closer to the salvation of the soul.

Unfortunately, it happens that even in Orthodox families people live for themselves and strive only for their own salvation. And it happens that people who are far from God, by their very upbringing and character, are sacrificial people. The main thing is that behind this sacrifice there is no expectation of retribution, because there may not be retribution. The spouse for whom you sacrificed your career and health may, in the event of your own failures, begin to reproach you for every little thing, the children to whom you gave all of yourself may not value your opinion at all and consider it a hindrance...

A good, strong, full-fledged family is one where spouses respect each other, do not oppose themselves to each other, but strive for mutual understanding, where parents teach children by example of their own lives and NEVER make comments to each other or quarrel in front of their children. Even if this family is not Orthodox, it is easier for them to come to God, who said: “Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.”

If the family is strong, whether it is Orthodox or not, then it is not afraid of whirlwinds. Difficulties only bring spouses together. They are one whole, and do not think of themselves differently. A spouse is a gift that is given to you by God (or fate) to keep and increase. And in many ways it depends on you: whether this gift will die from inept handling or how a beautiful flower will bloom and bear fruit.

“Bound by the bonds of marriage, we replace each other’s hands, ears, and feet. The common concerns of spouses make their sorrows easier, and common joys are more delightful for both of them. For spouses who are unanimous, wealth is more pleasant, and in poverty, unanimity itself is more pleasant than wealth. They have only one drink from a domestic source, which does not flow out anywhere and does not flow anywhere” (St. Gregory the Theologian)

I will add to the above that there is one more and very important thing that distinguishes an Orthodox family from any other - this is the blessing of God himself.

“Marriage is a sacrament in which, with the bride and groom freely promising mutual marital fidelity before the priest and the Church, their marital union is blessed, in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church, and they ask for the grace of pure unanimity for the blessed birth and Christian upbringing of children.” (Orthodox Catechism)

And it is the grace of God that preserves the union of husband and wife. And often, precisely when the spouses no longer have enough of their own strength to fulfill the Lord’s commandments, especially in front of each other, when something happens to us, our feelings, when, having stumbled, we are drawn to sin, the Lord himself comes to the rescue and dispels the nets the evil one and returns peace to the souls of now the people closest to each other and they fall to each other with tears and the words “forgive me, for God’s sake, it’s all my fault (to blame).” And everything is forgiven, the difficult is forgotten and joy returns again, and the family that has passed the test is strengthened, and only more grateful prayers are offered to the Lord, His Most Pure Mother and His Saints.

I saw in one book the “definition” of a Christian family and I completely agree with this statement: “A good Christian family is a fence of pure morals, a soil for planting goodness in humanity, an instrument and means for the spread and establishment of the Holy Church of Christ on earth”
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Special and special or developmentally delayed?

— At the age of 7 we went to school... Dimka did not like school from the first mention of it! He didn’t understand why at school a person couldn’t do everything he liked, for example, dance and draw, sculpt from plasticine, learn the flags of countries, and come up with ideas for cartoons - that is, everything he loved, says Alexandra, adding that the noise at school turned Dimka’s thoughts into a “hurricane.”

Dima is 11 years old. Photo: From the personal archive of A. Rybalko

At school, Dimka was seated at the last desk. Why? As they explained to the mother, there is no one to “tinker” with him, because the child only draws, knows nothing, and it is better to pay attention to other children.

Alexandra says that her son was constantly called to the school psychologist and was strongly recommended that she undergo a commission in order to place her son in a correctional class. According to the psychologist, Dima had developmental delay.

It would later turn out that the boy needed the help of loving teachers who knew their business, but for now the results of Dimka’s stay at the first school in his life were not very impressive: he learned the numbers from 1 to 10. Perhaps that’s all. The same gibberish language, and one new word - “sucker”.

“He pronounced this word so joyfully,” Alexandra frowns from the memories. “It turned out that he thinks it means “well done” - that’s what they told him... I was shocked... by the cruelty of the children, the inaction of the teachers. We never returned there again.

Dimka is eight years old. Six months at school didn't do much. And despite classes with specialists, my mother saw: there was almost no progress: one step forward, two steps back. Dima is still undergoing courses of treatment prescribed by neurologists. The boy still suffers from headaches due to high intracranial pressure. Ice cream was added to favorite products - always white.

Dima with his older brother Ilya. Photo: From the personal archive of A. Rybalko

Alexandra’s decision to go through a special commission with her son was difficult for her. But it’s worth saying right away that there was never any talk about “putting” Dimka into a boarding school. From the word absolutely. Which she would later tell the members of the commission with tears in her eyes. Mom’s last hope was a school where people like her boy would come to the rescue. Alexandra believed with all her heart that the psychoneurological clinic was not for her son. We needed specialists who would help Dimka speak, and not force his son to take medications, of which he already takes a lot. Her personal “battle for the speech” of her dear little man was nearing the end, but she didn’t know it then.

“All children are individual and unique...” Photo: From the personal archive of A. Rybalko

— September 5 has arrived - commission day! I still remember this day! We waited for our time, went to the corner store and bought apple juice, and Dimka danced on the street and laughed, telling funny stories in his gibberish language... And only now, at the age of forty, I understand that Dimka always knew how to distract me from problems ...With that smile of his, which is brighter than the sun, and the dimples on his cheeks, and his sparkling eyes... He has a magical gift - to infect with his positivity and see the main thing in life! - says Alexandra.

“I believe and know that his talent will explode and bring a lot of exciting and interesting things to people...” Photo: From the personal archive of A. Rybalko

At the commission meeting, Dimka performed a variety of tasks - he walked, sang, answered a million questions in the only language he understood, drew, counted, danced. And yet he could not remember the alphabet.

- And we began to wait for a decision... It seemed to me that an eternity had passed! And then they gave me a ticket to Krasnodar school No. 26 and said: they will help you there, he is very smart, believe in him! I cried like never before in my life! And at the same time I felt a strange peace: there is my son, I believe in him and follow this path,” admits the strong woman.

This school became the fulcrum that changed the lives of Dimka and his mother.

Orthodox website about Christian Family and faith

The website Family and Faith of the Orthodox Church, according to its name, is designed for family people. Is it really? Indeed, even if you glance briefly at the names of the sections of the Orthodox website Family and Faith, you will notice that it is aimed primarily at young families. Here you can get answers to many questions concerning both the spiritual and everyday problems of believing families, and, as a rule, there are always a lot of them. In addition to all the typical difficulties that accompany young couples in the first years of marriage, the Orthodox family also experiences difficulties in raising children in the spirit of Christian traditions, which in recent years, however, have been revived, but so far increasingly outwardly.

By reading an Orthodox website about family and faith, young people can gain insight into how to resolve disagreements, how not to be disappointed in each other, how working on your shortcomings can have a positive impact on your spouse, and so on. After all, let’s be honest, most of us were brought up in an atmosphere of pride, at a time when families broke up over trifles, so we are forced to literally learn the experience of proper family life from books.

Orthodox website about faith and family, dedicated to family relationships

Why is the Orthodox website Family and Faith so popular? Because the further we go, the more we understand that the formation of a spiritually mature personality, the education in it of moral values, civic and social activity, has its roots precisely in the family. Young people are gradually beginning to understand that one of the greatest values in life is relationships with our loved ones, and therefore we should work on them no less than on our appearance, career or education.

The Orthodox website Family and Faith contains unique and interesting sections that are not found on other popular Orthodox portals, helping to learn more about relationships from the very beginning: “Bride and Groom”, “Husband and Wife”, “Dad and Mother”, “Raising Children” ", "Difficulties in the family." Even people who are far from Orthodoxy can find here competent and qualified answers to pressing questions, since, with all their specifics, Orthodox families still most often face problems that are common to all: lack of patience towards a life partner and cooling of feelings. The Orthodox website Family and Faith discusses situations typical of both young families and experienced spouses.

Orthodox website dedicated to Faith in the family and problems of living together

What to do if your husband does not want to help care for the child? Should there be a leader in the family? What dangers can await newlyweds? Who should be the first to make concessions after a quarrel? It is these and many other questions that young people who decide to get married face.

On the Orthodox website Family and Faith, consultations are provided by both clergy, who cover problematic issues from a spiritual point of view, and professional psychologists, with whose help you can look at the situation from the point of view of the science of the soul. Unfortunately, many young Orthodox families break up due to the fact that the spouses do not consider it necessary to seek advice: it seems to them that since they got married, they must endure hardships and problems, overcoming themselves. Of course, the Orthodox site Family and Faith will not solve serious problems: betrayal, assault, but very often, after reading it, young spouses cool down and realize that their problem is not a problem at all.

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