Anger is a flow of destructive, negative energy, a loss of mental balance that occurs in response to an external stimulus. Social injustice, bad grades, low salaries, betrayal, and criticism can lead to anger.
The condition is expressed in accusations, the desire to punish and offend, destroy, take revenge, and cause fear. An angry person is unpleasant, polluted with abusive words, revenge, and anger.
From the point of view of modern society and Orthodoxy, the following are acceptable for a Christian: good nature, respect, calmness, and patience. On the part of others, even righteous anger is assessed as outrageous, inappropriate, ugly behavior.
What are these mortal sins?
Pride (vanity) Greed (greed) Envy Anger Lust (fornication, adultery) Gluttony (gluttony) Dejection (sadness, laziness)
These are the basic, main human passions that need repentance. That is, to be subject to these vices and passions is sinful and bad. These passions need to be eradicated and overcome. Such overcoming is considered beneficial and leads to spiritual growth.
I will take the liberty to disagree with the generally accepted interpretation and this attitude towards the above-mentioned “passions”. But first, I’ll make a reservation that I consider myself a believer. However, I would like to “go through” these main vices not only as a believer, but also as a psychologist:
Why is it not enough to regret your sins “to yourself”
The second component of repentance is confessing your sin, admitting that it was a sin, testifying about it before God and your confessor. This part is very important, first of all, for the repentant himself.
We can regret our sins “to ourselves” as much as we like, but leave them unrepentant, without making an open confession of them. It turns out that we carry these sins like heavy bags, like backpacks with stones on our backs... Sometimes this load can be unbearable and a person reaches a breakdown.
Pride (vanity)
Pride is pride in oneself, one’s merits and exaltation of oneself and some of one’s qualities in relation to other people. Pride also for one’s affiliation: racial, class, national, group, etc. The essence is the same - I consider myself better than another person, which means I deserve more respect, approval, acceptance, love. The other person is less worthy than me. What is the root of this vice? Lack of unconditional love in childhood. When a child is small, parents love him and accept him unconditionally. If this is not the case, if the parents are rigid, cold, strict, and teach the child that he can receive a portion of love and acceptance at the expense of some merit, this becomes a springboard for the emergence of pride. The absence of unconditional parental acceptance creates an internal emptiness, a vacuum, which a person fills with either tangible achievements (sports records, excellent studies, career growth, financial wealth) or imaginary ones (belonging to a particular group, country, nation, gender, etc. .). A person compensates for the lack of love with pride. He loves himself. For something. And for these merits he is the first in line when distributing love.
Sin is wrath
The content of the article
Love killer
One family and marriage specialist once called anger the killer of love. He said this in relation to family life, but this expression can also be applied to human relationships in general. Irritability and anger not only cause conflicts, but also kill those feelings of love, friendship, sympathy, and respect that we have for people. In a moment of anger, our attitude towards a person changes; his features, characteristics, sweet habits, which perhaps aroused our admiration, now appear in a distorted, ugly, caricatured form. From love to hate, as they say, there is one step.
If a person sees himself in the mirror in a fit of anger, rage, he will simply be horrified and will not recognize himself, his appearance has changed so much. But anger darkens not only and not so much the face, but the soul. An angry person becomes possessed by the demon of anger. Most murders occur not for the purpose of robbery, not to kill witnesses or competitors, but simply in the heat of a quarrel or fight. Of course, as a rule, this cannot be done without alcohol. And so friends, acquaintances, and sometimes even the closest, dearest people to each other, who had recently been drinking together, in a fit of drunken rage, grab knives, heavy objects - and irreparable things happen. In the terse police reports this is called “domestic murder.” And such murders, I repeat, are the overwhelming majority.
Murder is, of course, the ultimate expression of anger. But even if it does not come to physical violence, any manifestations of anger kill our soul from the inside and destroy our relationships with others. How many marriages have broken up due to constant quarrels and disputes between spouses, how many relatives and former friends have not communicated for years, having once quarreled over some trifles!
Reasons for anger
Let's look at the main reasons that cause irritability and anger.
Saint Theophan, the Recluse of Vyshensky, writes: “Anger and resentment come from self-worth (that is, self-love), by which we recognize and feel that we are worth a lot; therefore, when someone dares not to give us what we deserve, we get angry and plot revenge.” Conceit, vanity, and high self-esteem are a common cause of resentment and anger. It’s easy to be calm and condescending when everyone praises you, but if you touch us with a finger, you can immediately see what we’re worth. Hot temper and short temper may, of course, be a consequence of an overly temperamental character, but still character cannot serve as an excuse for anger. An irritable, hot-tempered person must know this trait of his and fight it, learn to restrain himself. The greater the crown he will receive for his work. It is easier for a calm, phlegmatic person to deal with irritation and anger. There are people who have an imperious, dominant character; they want everything to be according to their wishes and do not tolerate objections. It is also very difficult for them to overcome outbursts of irritability and restrain outbursts of anger. Saint Theophan advises such: “I see that the reason... is that you don’t want to sacrifice anything from your routine neatness... this is your sore. Drive her away, the worthless one, and it will be calmer. Show this self-sacrifice: for here is all selfhood, with arms and legs.”
The Holy Fathers name another reason for anger – envy.
This sin is very often associated with the love of money; it is not for nothing that this passion stands before the passion of anger. People usually envy those who are richer, luckier, and who have been given more. Even very rich people have constant competition, rivalry, “who has more zeros in their bank account.” Envy leads to hatred, even pushes to murder. “Whoever is wounded by envy and rivalry,” says St. Ephraim the Syrian, “is pitiful, because he is an accomplice of the devil, through whose envy “death comes into the world” (Wisdom 2:24). His heart is always exhausted from sadness, his body is consumed by pallor, and his strength is exhausted. Envy and rivalry are a terrible poison: they will give rise to slander, hatred and murder.”
Types of Anger
Anger can have different manifestations. This includes irritability, hot temper, and passionate arguments. This includes rancor, hatred, thirst for revenge, and unforgiveness of insults.
The love of word disputes and arguments can also become a source of anger and lead to conflicts and quarrels. The danger is great, because a dispute is most often not a clarification of the truth, but a kind of verbal duel, a duel that stems from the desire to stroke one’s pride and assert oneself. In a dispute, there is almost always resentment from the loser. In the heat of an argument, it is very easy to cross the line and fall into irritation and anger. When the arguments run out, shouting and even mutual insults are often used. Therefore, disputes should be avoided in every possible way.
We'll talk about irritability and temper a little later, but now I would like to dwell a little on rancor and resentment. Generally speaking, resentment (this is what this sin is called in Church Slavonic) is a terrible feeling. It, like acid, corrodes the soul of the touchy and destroys it from the inside. Anger and resentment are a double-edged weapon, and it is directed, first of all, not at our offenders, but at ourselves. To be offended is a verb with a reflexive particle; “-sya” - in Slavic, ourselves, that is, we do not offend someone, but ourselves. Those who are hated and offended do not know, perhaps, that we are angry with them, they do not suspect how much we suffer and worry. They sleep peacefully and don’t think about anything, while the offended hatch plans for revenge, don’t sleep at night, fall into despondency, melancholy, lose appetite and peace, thinking only about their offense. A touchy person terribly punishes himself, sometimes leading to complete exhaustion. The state of anger is a very severe stress. Therefore, the ability to forgive enemies and offenders brings enormous benefits not only to spiritual, but also to mental and physical health.
How to learn to forgive?
First: understand that we need this, first of all, ourselves. We ourselves will greatly benefit if we learn not to be offended by people. Second: we need to understand that the person who offended us did not know what he was doing. After all, even the most inveterate villain has his own version of justification. When they crucified our Lord Jesus Christ, the Jews really thought that they were doing a work pleasing to God: they did not see the Son of God in Him. Another thing is that their soul and mind were blinded by sin and the passion of anger and envy, but they did not understand what they were doing. And therefore Christ prayed from the cross: “Father, let them go; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). And all criminals and offenders “don’t know” this either. For if they knew that they were committing a sin, a crime for which they would definitely answer before God, they would not do it. They either do not understand what sin is at all, or they do not realize the full extent of responsibility for it. Therefore, these are people worthy of pity, people are unhappy, lost and spiritually sick, and one cannot be offended by the sick.
All our grievances, I remind you, are a product of pride.
And there are very few truly serious ones among them. In principle, there are only a few malicious, conscious offenders. Basically, people offend each other either by accident or from a lack of intelligence and tact, again without at all thinking of offending anyone.
Since touchiness is a product of pride, you need to cultivate humility in yourself. Be less offended and pay more attention to yourself, asking: “What is my fault here? What did I do wrong that a conflict situation arose? Maybe the unflattering epithets that were awarded to me are really not far from the truth? After all, some people never quarrel or conflict with anyone at all, while others get irritated, argue and take offense at every step.
Another good way: try to stand in the shoes of the offender, enter his position and justify him. Act not as an accuser, but as a lawyer. Then it will be easier to forgive. For example, we were offended by something from a saleswoman in a store. We gave her banknotes not unfolded, but folded or crumpled, and she said something to us very sharply and irritably. But imagine that once a day we were too lazy to unwrap them, and she stood at the counter all day from morning to evening, straightening out crumpled money, releasing goods, giving change, and even bearing a very large financial responsibility. Or maybe she has problems at home, her children are sick, her husband left, etc. So we will immediately understand why she does not smile sweetly at us, but, on the contrary, is angry. And by justifying a person, we will learn not to condemn him, but to pity him and understand him.
Anger and prayer are two incompatible things
Holy Scripture categorically forbids praying in a state of anger and irreconcilability with others. “So if you are bringing your gift to the altar and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go first and be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matt. 5:23-24). And again: “If you forgive people their sins, then your Heavenly Father will also forgive you; and if you do not forgive people their sins, then your Heavenly Father will not forgive you your sins” (Matthew 6: 14-15).
The prayer of an unreconciled, vindictive person is hypocrisy.
How can we read the Lord’s Prayer “Our Father,” which contains the words: “And forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors,” and at the same time have an unforgiven offense in our hearts. The Lord does not accept insincere, hypocritical prayer. It is completely unthinkable to begin the sacrament of communion without forgiving the offenders with all your heart. If we dare to receive communion in such a state, then we accept the holy mysteries into judgment and condemnation, becoming like Judas the traitor. Therefore, it is necessary to use all means and paths to reconciliation. As the Apostle Paul says, “if it is possible on your part, be at peace with all people” (Rom. 12:18). What if it’s impossible, if a person doesn’t want to come to reconciliation? In this case, you need to at least reconcile with him in your soul and forgive him all insults from the bottom of your heart. And, of course, pray for him.
Intransigence and enmity take away the grace of God from us.
Here is an example given in his “Fatherland” by Saint Ignatius (Brianchaninov): “Two brothers were at enmity with each other. During the persecution of Christians, they were captured and, subjected to much torture, were imprisoned. One of them said to the other: “Brother! We must be reconciled and not be angry with one another, because tomorrow we must die and appear before the Lord.” But he refused reconciliation. The next day they were taken out of prison to have their heads cut off. The brother who wanted to be reconciled had his head cut off first, and he went to the Lord in faith. The other, who did not want to be reconciled, renounced Christ. The torturer asked: “Why didn’t you refuse yesterday, before the torture, in order to avoid wounds, but only today?” He answered: “I transgressed the commandment of my Lord: I did not reconcile with my brother. For this, God left me and withdrew His help from me. Deprived of it, I renounced Christ."
Anger and hatred take away the restraining grace of God from a person and deprive him of reason. One possessed by the demon of anger is capable of raising his hand even against the people closest to him. We have already said that most murders occur due to anger. And the very first murder on earth also happened for this reason. Why did Cain commit fratricide? The reason is pride and envy of the brother. The Lord accepted Abel’s sacrifice, but did not despise Cain’s gift, because he saw that it was not offered from a pure heart. Seeing Cain’s dark thoughts, the Lord warns him: “...sin lies at the door; he draws you to himself, but you have dominion over him” (Gen. 4:7). Let us remember: every sin begins with the acceptance of the thought of it. Cain sowed the seeds of hatred for his brother in his heart, did not try to “master” the anger, and went so far as to kill him.
I will give another example showing the state to which a person who has succumbed to anger can reach. The father of the Great Martyr Barbara Dioscorus was a pagan. Having become a widower, he concentrated all his emotional affection and care on his only daughter. He raised her, hiding her from prying eyes; prepared for marriage with a rich and noble man; hired pagan teachers for her education and upbringing. Dioscorus thought he loved his daughter. But Varvara secretly accepts Christianity. When the father found out about this, his anger knew no bounds, he drew his sword and chased after her. Varvara was saved then by a miracle. Having found his daughter, the father beat her, took her into custody, starved her for a long time, and then handed her over to the ruler of the city for terrible torture and torture. Dioscorus himself executed his daughter, cutting off her head with a sword. The wrath of God was not slow to punish Dioscorus and the ruler: they were both struck by lightning.
What happened to Dioscorus? Why did he, who until recently surrounded his only daughter with care and concern, deal with her so cruelly and mercilessly? The devil found his weak point - anger. Having not overcome the passion of anger, the wicked father was completely captured by it; he no longer controlled himself, turning into an obedient toy in the hands of Satan.
It is not for nothing that the holy fathers compare the passion of anger, like the passion for prodigy, with fire, flame, conflagration. “A spark will ignite a flame”: starting with a small outbreak, anger can engulf the soul in a matter of minutes and lead to irreparable consequences. How to prevent a fire, how to extinguish the hellish fire within yourself?
The Monk Abba Dorotheos gives the following analogy: “Whoever makes a fire, first takes a small coal: this is the word of the brother who caused the insult (that is, an external factor that caused anger and irritation). This is still only a small coal, for what is the word of your brother? If you move it, then you have extinguished the ember. If you think: “Why did he tell me this, and I will tell him this and that, and if he did not want to insult me, he would not have said this, and I will certainly insult him,” then you planted splinters or something... or something else, like one who kindles a fire.”
Irritation and anger must be dealt with immediately, at the very beginning, while they are still like coal. The ember is easy to trample and extinguish. But if you not only do not extinguish it, but, on the contrary, fan it and keep it burning, a fire is inevitable. Just as a thought, until it has yet entered the heart, is easily driven away, but when it has settled in the soul, it is more difficult to cope with it, so the initial anger and irritation must be overcome at the very approach. An internal response to some unpleasant event or action is a completely natural thing. For example, we were accidentally pushed on the street. The first reaction, of course, is indignation, but it must be extinguished immediately so that it does not further turn into anger.
Saint Theophan advises: “Outbreaks are overwhelming... Learn not to let them take hold, but as soon as they appear, suppress them. It’s like it’s nothing to flare up, but it’s all selfishness or a sinful person. Pray and gather thoughts yourself that would be water against this fire. Keep the memory of God and the memory of death. These two thoughts are the power of all that is good and the banishment of all that is bad... There is nothing in the world about which one could seriously quarrel except the salvation of the soul.”
The principle of weighing helps a lot in the fight against irritability and anger.
Its essence is that when we want to give free rein to our emotions, quarrel with our neighbors, get angry, we need to pause and weigh it on mental scales. On one side is what we were irritated for, what made us angry, and on the other is what we lose as a result of a quarrel, conflict: this is mental peace, our good, peaceful relations with our neighbors, their disposition, trust in us. Again, we need to remember how we usually feel after a quarrel, when we gave vent to anger, let off steam, and said a lot of unnecessary things. Emptiness and darkness form in the soul; we are haunted by a feeling of shame for intemperance and weakness of will. And when all this is weighed, usually the desire to quarrel somehow disappears. The most important thing here is to be able to pause in time and imagine what we are losing due to anger and irritation.
Reading the Gospel and the Psalter helps a lot to cope with irritation, gloomy, vindictive thoughts. And although in a moment of irritation it can be very difficult to force yourself to read, but then calm comes. You can completely distract yourself from angry, irritated thoughts with some work. The demons of anger attack a person sitting idly especially often. By the way, this also applies to all other passions. Laziness, idleness, idleness are a nutritious broth for the cultivation of almost all passions.
Helps overcome anger and a sense of humor.
After all, resentment and angry thoughts are a product of pride and self-love. Therefore, we need to treat ourselves with self-irony, and also not take any insults and barbs addressed to us too seriously or to heart. Joke and humor, used in moderation, were never denied by the holy fathers. Saint Theophan the Recluse often uses good jokes in his letters to different people; The Monk Ambrose of Optina even composed special humorous poems, instructing those who came to him. Moderate cheerfulness and a sense of humor are a kind of safety valve that is installed on a steam boiler or gas equipment. It protects the boiler and cylinder from excessive pressure and explosion. If you take some things too seriously, like everyday problems, you can go crazy. Once a hunter passed by the cell of the Monk Anthony the Great and heard the monk telling something to the brethren, and they were all laughing together. Then he asked the elder: “How can monks joke and laugh?” Then Abba asked the hunter to pull his bow harder. He complied with the request. Then the Monk Anthony said: “Even stronger.” This man objected: “Then the onion will simply burst!” “This is how a person cannot constantly be in tension, he needs relaxation, rest,” said the reverend.
Irritated, angry conversation, quarrels should, of course, be avoided.
But what to do if serious contradictions and problems really arise between people, and they need to be resolved somehow, otherwise the relationship may reach a dead end? Of course, there are very serious problems that cannot be hushed up, pretending that nothing is happening. Sometimes a really serious conversation is required. But just such a conversation should under no circumstances be conducted in a moment of irritation and anger, otherwise nothing good will come of it. It is imperative to choose a time when passions will subside and opponents will calm down. In a state of irritation and emotions, a person is not able to make the right decision. He is in a state of passion, confusion, he is not adequate. At the moment of anger, it is no longer I who speak, but my anger. The Venerable Moses, the Elder of Optina, seeing any fault in one of the monks entrusted to him, did not immediately reprimand him, but after some time, when both he and the offender were in a calm state of mind.
There was a law in the German army: complaints from servicemen against each other were not accepted immediately after the incident, but after a certain time. This helped me make the right decision.
The Holy Scripture says: “Let not the sun go down on your anger” (Eph. 4:26). Saint John Cassian the Roman says that the Sun of Truth, Christ, sets in the minds of those who are angry, for the mind is darkened by anger. Therefore, of course, it is impossible to make any sober decision in a dispute in an indignant state of mind.
But let's return to the topic of serious conversation. Foreign psychologist writer Len MacMillan formulated the basic rules for a peaceful and constructive “showdown.” He does this based on the same quote from the Apostle Paul: “If you are angry, do not sin; Let not the sun go down on your anger. And do not give place to the devil” (Eph. 4:26-27). How to “be angry without sinning”? We need to take the problem itself seriously, and not get irritated and attack the interlocutor. After all, this is why we have a serious conversation, so as not to offend each other, but to come to some kind of decision. In a dispute, the most important thing is very often forgotten - the subject of the dispute, people get personal. Focusing on the problem itself, “let us not give room to the devil.” When talking with loved ones, we must first of all let them know that we still love them, but we need to discuss and resolve certain issues. It is important not to cross the line and not change your attitude towards your neighbor during the conversation, not to become angry with him. Our relationship should not suffer because we discuss the issue.
"The sun must not set on our anger." You cannot delay the resolution of an important issue, because there is no point in solving the problem when both interlocutors no longer control themselves. There is no need to allow anger to develop into hidden bitterness and resentment. Controversial issues must be resolved quickly: resentment can take root in the heart.
When discussing the current situation, you need to speak directly, sincerely, without guile. If we keep silent about something, the question will soon arise again. Don't leave the issue unresolved.
Of course, I outlined these basic postulates of a “serious conversation” briefly and in my own words. You need to resolve a conflict situation, guided not by your ambitions, but by the desire for peace and love, asking God for help, then there will be an effect.
Many people in a quarrel or conflict are afraid to take the first step towards reconciliation.
It is clear that this is not easy, but there is no need to fear that we will be misunderstood. Most often this is perceived very well. Our opponent is most likely also burdened by the current situation, but he is also afraid to be the first to meet halfway. When seeking reconciliation with your neighbor, in no case should you point out his mistakes (this will cause us to quarrel even more), but humbly acknowledge your own and ask for forgiveness for them. The aforementioned Len McMillan describes an example of such reconciliation: “We have just settled into our house. Opposite him in the meadow a large tree grew, and then the time came when the leaves fell off. A special car drove around our city, collecting garbage. Every Monday, she collected fallen leaves that residents raked to the sidewalk. One fine day, having finished this work, I was relaxing in the living room. Looking out the window, I saw our neighbor come out of his house and begin to kick my pile of leaves back onto the lawn. Apparently, some leaves fell into his territory.
I was filled with anger when I saw what he was doing.
As soon as he entered the house, I went out and again raked the leaves onto the edge of the sidewalk. But as soon as I returned to the living room myself, he came out again and started kicking my pile back. I don’t remember how long this stupid competition lasted, but I was seriously furious. However, it didn’t occur to me to talk to my neighbor and try to resolve the conflict there and then. For the next three months we looked at each other with hatred. As soon as he left the house when I was in the backyard, I immediately went to my place. If I went out into the street, he went out. The tension reached such an intensity that it seemed that my neighbor and I were about to smoke. Finally, when I came to my senses, I told my wife that this couldn’t go on any longer. I didn't have the courage to meet my neighbor face to face, so I came up with the following idea: I called him on the phone. “Hi, this is Len,” I said. – Please don’t hang up, I need to tell you something. Sorry I acted so stupid. I'm really sorry that I hurt your feelings by placing this pile of leaves in front of your house. I'm sorry". Before I could finish, he said, “Len, I feel the same way. I kept wanting to pluck up the courage and call you too. Thank you for doing this for me."
If I had followed God's rules that He left for us in case of disagreement, I would have saved myself and my neighbor three months of useless worry. If I had tried to solve this problem right away (on the same day, before the sun set), we would have slept peacefully that night, as, indeed, on all subsequent nights.”
The Monk Ephraim the Syrian says this about such situations: “If there is a quarrel between brothers, then the first one who repents will receive the crown of victory, but the other one will also be crowned if he does not reject repentance, but willingly does what is necessary for peace.”
They say that the smartest one should ask for forgiveness first. Generosity, humility, the ability to forgive - these are, of course, properties inherent in strong natures. Swearing and screaming are the weapons of the weak, the weak-willed. But, having overcome anger and irritation, we will avoid the temptation to fall into pride, otherwise we can simply replace the passion of anger with the passion of pride. One monk was often subjected to ridicule and outwardly endured it calmly and patiently. When the brethren asked him how he managed not to get irritated by the offenders, he told them: “Why should I pay attention to these dogs.” It turns out that pride and contempt for people reigned in his soul.
In conclusion, I will say about the most important thing - where you should always start in the fight against anger.
And we need to start it with prayer for those with whom we are angry, who offend us and bring us trouble. The Gospel gives us direct instructions on how to deal with such people: “Pray for those who use you and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). By praying for offenders, we already fight anger, we stop seeing them as enemies, and we begin to realize that they need our prayerful help. We also need to pray not only for those who offend us, but also in general for the resolution of any tense, non-peaceful situation. In such cases, they also ask for help from the Apostle of Love, John the Theologian. The prayers “For reconciliation in the enmity of those who exist” and “For those who hate and offend us” are in any complete prayer book.
Greed (greed, stinginess)
The basis for this vice is an unsatisfied need for security. If a child has experienced the trauma of deprivation, if he did not feel protected, then, as an adult, he will begin to be greedy or stingy. Greed can be divided into greed (the desire to get more than one has) and stinginess (the unwillingness to part with what one has, the desire to preserve it). This is the same emptiness inside, the same vacuum, only it was formed for different reasons. And a person will fill this emptiness either with things, or money, or relationships with other people. But the root of this “vice” is a feeling of insecurity, insecurity.
Cover your sins with goodness
This victory over sin will also be facilitated by our sincere desire to “cover” our sins with goodness, for example, mercy towards the sick and needy, and help to those who need it. Moreover, this help is not always material (in our time, not all people can afford to drink tea with sugar!), it may not be money and sometimes not even words.
I remember how I had to euthanize my dog, with whom we had lived together for half our life - 17 years. I was then 34 years old. While the doctors in the hospital were doing their job, I sat in the waiting room and cried inconsolably, almost sobbing.
And suddenly I saw the look of a woman sitting in the same waiting room with her four-legged pet at a doctor’s appointment.
It was not a simple look, her eyes were full of understanding and sympathy, so deep and sincere that I felt a little better. It seems that this was the look of Christ Himself. I remember this look even today...
Envy
Envy is a multi-component feeling: anger that someone else has something that I don’t have; the desire to have it; suffering because I don’t have it; fear that I will never get it. “This” can be anything: some thing, a special relationship, ability, social status, age, affiliation. The object of envy does not matter; it is something that favorably distinguishes the owner of the object from the envier. This means that the owner of this object can be loved, he deserves love and receives love and acceptance, but the envier does not. The basis for envy is the same emptiness from the lack of unconditional love and acceptance. This is the other side of pride, the opposite side, just different forms of reaction to the lack of unconditional acceptance.
Can we promise to never get irritated?
Photo from historyhustle.com
And finally, the third important part of repentance is the firm determination not to repeat the sin. Not a promise, but an intention , for there are sins that we may never get rid of. These are, for example, condemnation, irritation, resentment.
Therefore, if a person promises God that, for example, he will “never get irritated again,” he is knowingly (although sometimes unwittingly) deceiving, deluding himself, and overestimating his strengths and capabilities. An unfulfilled promise will weigh on the conscience, as will unrepentant sin. But there must be an intention to overcome sin, to constantly fight.
Anger
Anger is an emotion that a person experiences when one or another of his needs is not met. We are all familiar with Maslow's pyramid of needs (a hierarchical sequence of human needs according to their importance for survival). Anger is only an evaluative reaction to dissatisfaction with a need. This is a signal that indicates to a person where his personal pyramid has become leaky. This is an impulse for action - to satisfy a need.
Consequences of Anger
Anger can be defined as irritability, resentment, desire for harm to the upset person, aggression. If a Christian is unable to control them, dangerous situations arise and crimes are committed.
An eternally indignant, angry person causes negative emotions, retaliatory anger and revenge in those around him. Close people and colleagues move away from him. Angry outbursts directed at others return as a ricochet.
Anger and malice give rise to dangerous passions:
- envy;
- hatred;
- rancor;
- jealousy;
- rage;
- lie.
Anger gives a short-term illusory pleasure in power, encourages slander, physical violence, and makes the person and those around him unhappy. In the sin of anger, a Christian departs from God and commits murder and suicide.
Constantly suppressed aggression causes heart disease, depression, mental disorders, and weakens the immune system. Both extremes are dangerous and interfere with normal perception of the environment.
Saint John Chrysostom wrote: “Anger is a strong, all-consuming fire; it harms the body and corrupts the soul, and makes a person unpleasant to look at and shameful.”
Lust (fornication, adultery)
Or in other words, sexual promiscuity, sexual promiscuity. The root of this “vice” is the same emptiness from a lack of love and warmth. Healthy sexual behavior is when sex becomes an expression of love, when it is already there inside. Lust and fornication are compensation for the lack of love. Again there is a vacuum, a spiritual emptiness. Until the age of thirty, a person, like a vessel, is first filled with love. The parents begin to fill the vessel, then the lover, the partner. If the parents “cheated”, in the future the person will begin to compensate for the resulting emptiness with promiscuous sexual relations, up to sexual addiction, nymphomania.
Dejection (sadness, laziness)
Here you still need to share despondency, sadness and laziness. Dejection and sadness are also an emotional form of response to unsatisfied needs; they are a signal, an evaluative reaction to what is unsatisfactory in a person’s life. Whereas laziness is an energy-saving mechanism. Laziness occurs when a person wastes time and energy. The subconscious mind sees this unjustified waste of resources and “turns on” laziness to prevent overspending.
Ultimately, all these “vices” need to be recognized. It is necessary to honestly admit to myself what I am currently experiencing and why. The so-called “deadly sin” is only a reaction to the emptiness that appears when needs are not met, an alarm bell, this is an indicating signal that the balance is disturbed. The varieties of “deadly sins” are simply different forms of reactions. Fornication and gluttony are a behavioral response, an effective filling of the void (from the word “action”), a surrogate restoration of balance. Sadness, envy, despondency, anger, greed are an emotional reaction. Repentance in this case should be understood not as an admission of guilt in the presence of one or another “vice”, a tendency to passions. The traditional interpretation of repentance leads to aggravation of the condition in the form of feelings of guilt, shame for one’s depravity, sinfulness. When they talk about repentance and humility, it means that a person must “defeat” vice, overcome its destructiveness, admit his imperfection, or, more simply, suppress it, swallow it, preserve it in himself. But just from this moment “vice” becomes mortal, deadly! It is the suppression of one's emotions and feelings (as bad and unfit) that leads to illness and, ultimately, to death!
But we are talking only about a signal! And to respond correctly to this signal is to dive deep, see the root of the problem and satisfy the need. It is useless to knock down the flames - you need to extinguish the fire. Recognizing anger, despondency, gluttony, lust, greed, envy and pride as vice and sin, we pour kerosene on the fire in the form of guilt for our depravity. But man is a part of God. We are created in the image and likeness of God. We are perfect, just like God. Every person is perfect. And our emotions and feelings are pointers, a compass, where we should move, in what direction.
Author: Anna Maksimova
How to Deal with Deadly Sin in Orthodoxy
Having analyzed your emotions and understood the cause of angry behavior and irritation, which are the roots of negative actions, you can go on the offensive with sin.
In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus clearly set the direction for victory over passions by asking Christians to pray for those who hurt and persecute them.
Important! Prayer and only prayer remains the only and most faithful weapon against mortal sins and uncontrollable passions.
In prayerful petition, filled with the presence of the Holy Spirit, the offended person begins to see the children of God in the enemies, to realize the reasons that prompted the offender to act in one way or another.
Agree, when praying for their enemies, people involuntarily abandon their anger, placing all judgment in the hands of the Creator.
Prayer from the wrath of Abba Dorotheus
Merciful and humane God! By your ineffable goodness, you created us from nothing, to enjoy Your blessings, and through the blood of Your Only Begotten Son, our Savior, who called us, who had departed from Your commandments!
Come now, help our weakness, and as You once rebuked the troubled sea, so now rebuke the disturbance of our hearts, so that You do not lose both of us, Your children, killed by sin, in one hour, and so that You do not say to us: “What good is it?” My blood, ever descend into decay,” and: “Amen I say to you, we do not know you,” because our lamps went out from the lack of oil. Amen.
Being in captivity of anger, we ourselves close Heaven to our prayers.
Irritability and angry emotions can be overcome by using the principle of weighing, which consists of, at the moment of great desire to show anger, get into a quarrel, take a deep breath and analyze all the pros and cons of your action, weighing everything on the scales of justice.
On one bowl we put what caused pain, brought us out of balance, on the other the consequences of the manifestation of negative emotions:
- loss of mental peace;
- break of friendships;
- emptiness;
- feeling awkward about retaliation.
To get rid of negative emotions by taking a pause, you can simply walk away, leaving the offender to the judgment of the Lord. Christian maturity allows us to approach different situations with a sense of humor. The ability to rejoice in any situation, to see the problem areas of the offender, to perceive everything done against you as another step in strengthening humility and patience, helps to “let off steam” before an emotional explosion.
In the Bible, anger is divided into God's and man's.
Paul's letter (Tim. 6:6) says that being content and godly requires effort, peace, and the ability to rejoice. The ability to get out of an angry state gives you the opportunity to assess the current situation in reality and with common sense and make the right decision. Churched Christians know that only the Lord can correct any situation with justice, but to do this, one must be able to trust the Creator in everything and always.
It is beyond the power of a person to change a scandalous, eternally dissatisfied character, ready to break into an angry expression of emotion at any moment; this is possible only by the Almighty Creator.
In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul also gives a hint that you can only be in an angry state until sunset. The Lord gives light to the righteous and the unworthy, with His great blessing He forgives those who pray at the throne of the Creator, but night will come and a soul filled with anger can do a lot of trouble, igniting in itself the fire of anger and vengeance. A new day will come, the burning fire of evil passions will be more difficult to extinguish, the devil will take his place and lead a person to even greater sin. Enmity between people is the goal and task of Satan, who dreams of destroying God’s peace and quiet in Christian souls.
The inability to control one’s passions leads to death, if not physical, then mental and spiritual. The inability to establish relationships in peace and tranquility often becomes the cause of divorces, which both parties later regret, and breaks between parents and children. Pride and high self-esteem do not allow one to refuse a response, even in the name of maintaining good relationships in the family.
Advice! In His commandments, the Lord left one of the important conditions for obtaining His grace - love your neighbor.
Read about the Commandments of God:
- Don't remember the Lord in vain
- Don't steal
- Honor your father and mother
A person with increased self-esteem and pride feels comfortable in situations of special attention to his person, praise, but as soon as criticism appears, a fire of anger and irritation flares up. A Christian who is aware of his personal hot temperament learns to control his emotions, sacrificing his own selflessness in the name of holiness. Only strong natures who have known the grace of the Father are able to be the first to ask for forgiveness and resolve the conflict.
Pride will never give up its place, being in close friendship with angry experiences; having defeated irritation, you can remain proud, neglecting the opinions of others.
A Christian must learn to control his anger
The Holy Fathers called an angry manifestation of emotions a fly in the ointment that can spoil all the honey. They argued that the first reason that drives away the grace of God from the hearts of Christians is anger. Those Orthodox believers who reach a dead end are those who justify themselves by saying that they are not as angry as their neighbor or co-worker. The Holy Fathers see this as demons in disguise. They do not manifest themselves fully, possessing the emotions of Christians, poisoning their existence with a small amount of poison.
According to John Climacus, the sin of anger in Orthodoxy leads to clouding of the mind; in his letter, the Apostle James emphasizes that with the help of anger you will not achieve righteousness (James 1:20).
