Death of a loved one
We all remember folk tales: “they lived happily ever after and died on the same day.” Unfortunately, in reality, married life usually ends not so joyfully. A husband or wife does not go into eternity at the same time. Some of them will have to endure all the bitterness and severity of the loss of a loved one. For some, close and dear people help them cope with grief. Others are left alone with their feelings and experiences. Some people manage to live through the suffering, endure the pain and move on. Someone closes in on himself and cannot come to terms with the inevitable. After all, people often drive away thoughts of death like an infection. And for some, the prayer of a widow for her deceased husband helps.
Widow with a photo of her husband
Believers cope with the loss of their soulmate by trusting God and relying on Him. Christians remember the inevitability of death and believe that life does not end with the end of earthly existence. Death is a temporary separation from a loved one. And after some time, the spouses will unite again in the Heavenly Abode of God. Where there will be no sorrows, sorrows, earthly problems, but only the joy of being with God.
“...to survive earthly separation is simple. If your spouse went to God earlier, then you should be happy for him - God is better! And then we will follow him, and when, of course, as the Lord wills... Death is only a temporary separation, a transition” (Archpriest Valerian Krechetov).
Rules of conduct at the cemetery
The grave and monument of the deceased is a duty of love and respect for him. Since ancient times, people came to memorial days to clean up the graves of their loved ones. A cross or monument is usually placed at the feet of the deceased so that his face is turned towards the Crucifix. If you want to order a monument not in the form of a cross, let it also have a Cross embossed, engraved or painted on it, the power of which will protect the deceased.
The cemetery is visited not only at the call of the heart, but also, traditionally, on memorial days:
Bring a candle (usually in a glass lantern) with you and read prayers for the deceased. There is no need to drink or eat in a cemetery, especially drinking alcohol “in memory of a person” and leaving a glass of alcohol and a piece of bread at the grave. All these are ritual traditions with roots in paganism. It is better to bring flowers and an icon of Christ, the Mother of God or the patron saint of the deceased to the grave.
We advise you to study Congratulations on the Dormition of the Blessed Virgin Mary
How to cope with the death of your husband
After the death of her husband, especially a sudden one, a widow left alone will have to go through several life stages. She faces a journey from shock and misunderstanding of what happened to acceptance and the realization that she needs to move on with her life. This is a very difficult time. Some people need a few months to recover, while for others a few years are not enough. God will help you cope with the severity of your loss and give you genuine consolation. The main thing is to open your soul before Him and start praying. Prayer, like a life-giving source, will bring peace to the widow. Communication with Heavenly Father will help you survive the loss and heal your spiritual wound.
“Do not imagine death in a terrible form, but believe that it serves only as a transfer from time to eternity, and the Lord has placed time in His power” (Reverend Macarius of Optina (Ivanov)).
The fate of the soul after death
After death, the soul leaves the body and ascends to God to decide its posthumous fate. Unfortunately, one of the spouses can go to heaven, and the other to fiery Gehenna. Believers, when creating a family, strive to lead a pious lifestyle, helping each other. But loving spouses were always worried about their future in another world. Will husband and wife be together in the Kingdom of Heaven?
The Gospel of Matthew describes a dialogue between the Sadducees, who did not believe in the resurrection of the dead, and Christ. They cited the example of a woman whose husbands died one after another, leaving no heirs. Seven brothers took her as their lawful wife. The Sadducees asked whose wife she became after her death? To which the Lord replied:
“You are mistaken, not knowing the Scriptures, nor the power of God, for in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but remain as the angels of God in heaven” (Matthew 22:29-30).
Prayer for the repose of the soul of the deceased for 9 days
According to Holy Scripture, during the first nine days from the day of death of a person, his soul is shown hell, where sinners pay for all their ordeals, known and unknown. During this period, only his relatives and acquaintances, all of whom are not indifferent to his fate after death, can help the deceased.
Prayer for repose allows you to justify the soul of the deceased, to beg for it. It is recommended to repeat the prayer book as often as possible, doing this both within the walls of the temple and at home in front of your iconostasis. The more often you sincerely pray, the more likely the deceased is to earn the Lord’s forgiveness. Such help from the living is especially important for those who, before death, did not have the opportunity to bring repentance to the Almighty. This is not uncommon given the suddenness of death.
Such a prayer will not be superfluous for those deceased who, before their death, managed to sincerely repent of their sins and take part in the sacrament of communion.
Will spouses meet after death?
At first glance, it seems that the answer is unambiguous and does not involve options. Spouses will not be such after the end of earthly life. However, theologians and Bible interpreters interpret the Savior’s words not so categorically. Blessed Theophylact of Bulgaria writes that after the resurrection life will be spiritual and sublime, and not crudely carnal. Therefore, marriage in heaven can be viewed differently.
Archpriest Oleg Stenyaev explains:
“By paying attention to the word “how,” we understand that saved people will be like Angels, remaining human in the heavenly format of human existence. Consequently, the nature of the relationship between spouses will change. The focus of their life will cease to be what is the center of life here on earth - the BODY, but the interests of the SPIRIT will completely dominate. It is said: “There are heavenly bodies and earthly bodies; But there is another glory of those in heaven and another of those on earth” (1 Cor. 15:40). This is what Christ means when he says: “For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but remain as the angels of God in heaven.”
We cannot know for certain what life will be like for spouses in heaven. But we believe in God's mercy and His love for us. Widows pray for their husbands. Widowers - for wives. And each of those left to live hopes to meet their other half soon. Saints and priests call for this.
Prayer for one who died up to 40 days
As the Holy Scripture says, in the first 1.5 months the soul of the deceased has to face all the airy ordeals. In this form, the deceased awaits a small judgment from God for all his sins committed during his earthly life. So that at the hour when the soul is presented with all sinful and good deeds, it will be easier for her. The living read the appropriate prayer, which they resort to precisely up to 40 days from the date of death. Thanks to the sincere petitions of believers turning to the merciful Lord, the deceased has a greater chance of successfully passing all the tests and earning eternal life in paradise.
Since the number of sins a person commits is countless, one must pray diligently, often, for up to 40 days, following all the rules. Use the prayer book in church, at home near your iconostasis, at work, on the road, communicate with God and the one who died as often as possible, sincerely believing and hoping for his salvation. The soul of the deceased needs such help more than we can imagine.
Funeral kathisma 17. Listen online
READ ON TOPIC: Prayers after death.
Widow's prayer for her deceased husband
It is very important to begin to pray intensely for your deceased spouse. After death, a person can no longer influence his posthumous fate. But close people can help him. After all, the deceased will have to meet with God to decide his posthumous fate. Thinking about a loved one, praying for him, doing good deeds of mercy in his memory, a woman not only helps him on his path to Eternity. But in this way she heals her grief. After all, any wound is healed by love, and sincere prayer is a manifestation of true love.
“We cannot do anything better or more for the departed than to pray for them, remembering them at the Liturgy. They always need this, especially in those forty days when the soul of the deceased follows the path to eternal settlements. The body then feels nothing: it does not see the gathered loved ones, does not smell the smell of flowers, does not hear funeral speeches. But the soul feels the prayers offered for it, is grateful to those who offer them, and is spiritually close to them” (St. John (Maximovich)).
Since ancient times, a pious tradition has developed to read the Psalter about the deceased. It brings comfort to the deceased and his relatives. The 17th kathisma, as well as Psalm 90, are most often read.
What prayers need to be read
After the death of her husband, the widow must read the Psalter and the widow's prayer for her deceased spouse during the first forty days after death. Kathismas are read one per day, and after each kathisma there is a corresponding prayer.
Prayer for a deceased husband, as for every newly deceased husband, is very important
A widowed woman faced with such grief can easily become despondent, which is a great sin. Therefore, prayer becomes the means that protects from vague thoughts and helps to move on with life. After the forty-day period has expired, the name of the deceased is remembered in the evening prayer.
Advice! Prayers should be read in church or at home. You can pray not only with a special prayer, but also in your own words. Perhaps this will make it easier to express your requests for your late husband. This is especially true for memorial dates.
You should definitely turn to the Mother of God, who during her lifetime experienced the crucifixion of her son. In the first forty days, the soul of the newly deceased, according to the Holy Fathers, is in great need of the prayers of loved ones. After all, she will have to go through the Judgment of God on the fortieth day, after which the soul goes to hell or heaven. But even after this you must not forget to pray for the repose of your deceased spouse.
Princess Elizabeth Feodorovna is an example of a praying widow
In memory of your husband, it is necessary to give alms and perform good deeds of mercy. An example of such cases is Grand Duchess Elizaveta Fedorovna Romanova. When her husband was killed, she sold all her jewelry. With the money she received, she founded the Martha and Mary Convent of Mercy in Moscow. She dedicated the rest of her life to those in need. Of course, not all people can achieve such a feat. But the biographies of Grand Duchess Elizabeth Feodorovna and her letters can console women facing grief.
Here's one of her tips
“Peace of heart, tranquility of soul and mind brought me the relics of St. Alexis. If only you could approach the holy relics in church and, after praying, simply venerate them with your forehead - so that the world would enter into you and remain there. I barely prayed - alas, I don’t know how to pray well, but I just fell: I fell like a child to its mother’s breast, not asking for anything, because he was at peace, from the fact that the saint was with me, on whom I could lean and don’t get lost alone.”
Help from Princess Olga to the widow
The image of Saint Olga, the first enlightener of Rus', should be a shrine in every home in Russia, especially she helps widows. Her icon can be placed in the “red corner”, where the home iconostasis is usually located: this is a corner or place on the wall opposite the door or by the window, where icons of the Lord, the Mother of God and saints are placed on a separate shelf. You can buy a shelf in a church shop, you can put the images on a bookshelf, next to books about spiritual life.
The Equal-to-the-Apostles Princess became famous for her strength and wisdom in all areas of life: as a wise ruler, a kind mother, a faithful wife, and a great saint. She helps widows who mourn their deceased husbands and pray for them.
Confession and Communion in days of tribulation
Not only a widow’s prayer for her deceased husband can bring relief to both of them. You should attend divine services and begin Communion. Confession and the Eucharist are Sacraments that bring us closer to God. And He, in turn, gives strength to survive suffering. After the service and Communion, the widow feels peace, acute pain is replaced by quiet sadness. Prayer for a husband becomes not just a bunch of words, but sincere and real communication with God.
Feeling like part of a community of believers makes a person feel better. Common prayer with parishioners eases the severity of grief. You can ask the priest for a conversation where you can talk about your grief. There is a high probability that he will find words of consolation and support. And the priest will definitely pray for the repose of his spouse’s soul.
Archpriest Dimitry Smirnov says:
“The man was cut in half. You can then ask: “How are you feeling?” I feel like I’ve been cut in half. This is a very difficult situation. One parishioner of our church, after being widowed, took a year and a half to come to her senses! Women often come to me whose grief over a loss continues for five or eight years. The grief, of course, is dulled, but... What can you do? To avoid such pain from parting, you need to pray very hard for the repose of your soul. And then the wife’s soul will feel that the husband’s soul perceives this... You also need to take communion more often and after communion, turn to God in prayer that the Lord will allow you to bear this cross. Because if this is allowed, it means that for some reason God needs it this way. Otherwise they would live happily ever after and die on the same day.”
How to read a prayer for a deceased husband
be offered both at home and in the cemetery . You can pray either in your own words, which can more fully convey the petition for the deceased and your state of mind, or with a special prayer. It is necessary to fervently ask God for mercy on the soul of the deceased and make the sign of the cross. In this way, the widow will also help herself - she will get rid of the thoughts of loss that torment her heart and accept the realization that the soul of her husband has not disappeared, but continues to live, moving into other spheres of existence.
Prayers for a deceased husband are read before the Most Holy Theotokos, who experienced the death of Her Son and then his joyful Resurrection. This will allow the widow to understand that life is full of various kinds of trials, but everyone at the end of his life’s journey will receive a reward in the form of the ascension of the soul to Heaven and its reunion with deceased relatives and loved ones.
At home, prayer is read with a burning lamp or candle, usually in the evening. It will also not be superfluous to come to the temple for a prayer service, where you can take part in the memorial service and liturgy.
According to custom, after the death of a beloved spouse, his clothes are given to the needy and the poor, alms are distributed, and funeral services are organized.
The funeral dinner is hosted by:
- On the third (on the day of the funeral),
- on the ninth
- and in the fortieth day.
At this time, not only the widow, but also all his relatives are required to pray especially diligently for the deceased .
There are also later dates when it is customary to hold funeral meals - six months and a year. These days, it is necessary to remember the deceased with kind words, talk about his habits, remember life situations that characterize the deceased from the positive side, and try to support each other.
traditional funeral dishes and those that the deceased spouse loved are served on the table . All those present communicate, and such conversations turn out to be very soul-saving and edifying for those gathered. They calm the soul from rebellious thoughts and give new strength.
It is imperative to pray for the repose of the soul of the deceased This is the direct duty of not only the widow, but also every Orthodox Christian. According to our prayers on earth for the departed, they pray to the Lord in Heaven for us, and often warn and protect from evil and from everything bad that can happen.
Widow's prayer for her deceased husband
Widow's prayer for her deceased husband
Christ Jesus, Lord and Almighty! You are the consolation of the weeping, the intercession of the orphans and widows. You said: call on Me in the day of your tribulation, and I will destroy you. In the days of my sorrow, I resort to You and pray to You: do not turn Your face away from me and hear my prayer, offered to You with tears.
You, Lord, Master of all, have deigned to unite me with one of Your servants, so that we may be one body and one spirit; You gave me this servant as a companion and protector. It was your good and wise will to take away this servant of yours from me and leave me alone. I bow before Your will and I resort to You in the days of my sorrow: quench my sorrow about separation from Your servant, my friend. Even if you took him away from me, do not take your mercy away from me. As you once accepted two mites from widows, so accept this prayer of mine.
Remember, Lord, the soul of Your departed servant (name), forgive him all his sins, voluntary and involuntary, whether in word or deed, whether through knowledge or ignorance, do not destroy him without cause. horse him and do not deliver him to eternal torment, but according to the greatness of Your mercy and according to the multitude of Your bounty, weaken and forgive all his sins and do it with Your saints, where there is no sickness, no sorrow, no sighing, but endless life. I pray and ask You, Lord, grant that all the days of my life I will not cease to pray for Your departed servant, and even before my departure, ask You, the Judge of the whole world, for the forgiveness of everything. his sins and his entry into the heavenly abodes, which you have prepared for those who love Ty.
Even if you sin, do not depart from You, and undoubtedly the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit are Orthodox even until your last breath of confession; Moreover, his faith, even in Thee, instead of works was imputed to him: for there is no man who will live and will not sin, You are the only one besides sin, and Your righteousness is righteousness forever. I believe, Lord, and I confess that You will hear my prayer and will not turn Your face away from me. Seeing the widow weeping, you were moved with compassion, and you raised up her son for the burial of the son: so having mercy, calm and calm my sorrow.
For You opened the door of Your mercy to Your servant Theophilus, who went to You, and You forgave him for his sins through the prayers of Your Holy Church, heeding the prayers and kindly to the shame of his wife: I pray to You, accept my prayer for Your servant and bring him into eternal life. For You are our hope. You are God, who has mercy and saves, and we send glory to You with the Father and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Prayer for an unbaptized deceased spouse
A prayer for an unbaptized deceased spouse is read to Archangel Michael. The sincere prayer of the spouse will definitely be heard by the Higher powers, and will help relieve mental pain and melancholy. The prayer to Archangel Michael is considered very powerful and can be said at any time, especially in moments of deep sorrow. When praying for the unbaptized dead, their names must be mentioned so that Saint Michael will help them find peace. Text of the prayer for a widow for her deceased spouse:
“Lord the Great Heavenly King, All-Merciful and All-Merciful! I ask You to send me, the Servant of God (my own name), to help Your Archangel Michael. Ask him to protect me from all enemies, visible and invisible. I turn to you, Great Archangel Michael of the Lord, Prince and commander of all the heavenly forces of God, the Seraphim and Cherubim. I ask you to become my assistant and provide support in sorrows, sorrows, in deserts and river spaces. Protect me, Great Archangel Michael, from devilish temptations, defeat all my enemies and enemies with the power of the Honest and Life-giving Cross of the Lord and the prayers of the Most Holy Theotokos. I ask you, Holy Archangel Michael, to bring the deceased (the name of the unbaptized deceased) out of the lake of fire and bring him, under the cover of your wing, to the Throne of God for repentance. Pray to the Lord God, the All-Merciful Lover of Mankind, to forgive the sins of the servant of God (name of the deceased) and to grant peace to his soul. Amen".
This prayer is universal, and can be read not only for an unbaptized spouse, but also for a wife, parent, brother, sister, and other relatives.
The second prayer of a widow for her deceased husband
Remember, O Lord our God, in the faith and hope of the eternal life of Your servant, (name of the deceased), who passed away, and as the Good and Lover of mankind, forgiving sins and consuming untruths, weaken, forsake and forgive all her voluntary and involuntary sins, deliver him from eternal torment and the fire of Gehenna, and grant her the communion and enjoyment of Your eternal good things, prepared for those who love You: even if you sin, do not depart from You, and undoubtedly in the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, God glorified by You in the Trinity, faith, and Unity in Trinity and Trinity in Unity, Orthodox even to his last breath of confession.
Be merciful to him, and faith, even in You instead of deeds, and with Your saints, as You give generous rest: for there is no man who will live and not sin. But You are the One besides all sin, and Your righteousness is righteousness forever, and You are the One God of mercies and generosity, and love for mankind, and to You we send glory to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and to the ages of ages. Amen.
Prayer for the deceased on the year since death
Many Orthodox Christians are well aware of the existence of prayers that must be read in the first 9 days and the first 40 days after the death of a loved one. However, not everyone knows that there is a special memorial prayer for the anniversary of the death. Every Christian can use it, regardless of whether he and the deceased are connected by blood ties or not.
This prayer book begins with “God of spirits and all flesh...”. The text of this appeal to the Almighty is voluminous, so not everyone can learn it by heart, and in general, faith does not require this. It is enough to read each word thoughtfully, as you do, for example, when saying “Our Father.” It is also recommended to first read the Troparion, namely the 8th tone, in which the name of our One Creator is glorified. This is a short prayer that can be heard in church during the liturgy. Troparions were created specifically to list all the virtues of Our Father and the Saints. Like the prayer itself, created specifically for the anniversary of the death of a person, the Troparion is quite simple to read, doing it slowly in order to grasp the meaning of each word.
You can read the prayer book at home, in a cemetery at the grave of a loved one and, of course, in a church, where, among other things, you can submit a note about the deceased. It’s good if you also order the Sorokoust prayer, putting “p.p” in front of the person’s name in the note, an abbreviation indicating that he died a long time ago.
Psalm 90
Living in the help of the Most High, he will settle in the shelter of the Heavenly God. Says the Lord: Thou art my Protector and my Refuge. My God, and I trust in Him. For He will deliver you from the snare of the trap, and from rebellious words, His splash will overshadow you, and under His wing you hope: His truth will surround you with weapons. Do not be afraid from the fear of the night, from the arrow that flies during the day, from the thing that passes in darkness, from the cloak, and from the demon of the midday. Thousands will fall from your country, and darkness will fall at your right hand, but it will not come close to you, otherwise you will look at your eyes, and you will see the reward of sinners.
For You, O Lord, are my hope, You have made the Most High your refuge. Evil will not come to you, and wound will not approach your body, as His Angel commanded you to keep you in all your ways. They will lift you up in their arms, but not when you dash your foot on a stone, step on an asp and a basilisk, and cross a lion and a serpent. For I have trusted in Me, and I will deliver, and I will cover, and because I have known My name. He will call to Me, and I will hear him: I am with him in sorrow, I will overcome him, and I will glorify him, I will fill him with long days, and I will show him My salvation.
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Parting words for a Christian before death and funeral prayers
Holy Lady Theotokos! We resort to You, our Intercessor: You are a quick helper, our never-ending intercessor with God! Most of all, we pray to You at this hour: help Your newly departed servant (Your servant) ( name
) to go through this terrible and unknown path; We pray to Thee, Lady of the world, by Thy power to drive away from his (her) fear-driven soul the terrible powers of dark spirits, so that they may be confused and put to shame before Thee; free the air tax collectors from torture, destroy their councils and overthrow them as malicious enemies. Be her, O All-Merciful Lady Theotokos, an intercessor and protector from the airy prince of darkness, the tormentor and the terrible paths of the champion; We pray to You, Most Holy Theotokos, to protect us through Your honorable robe, so that He may pass from earth to heaven without fear and without restraint. We pray to Thee, our Intercessor, intercede for Thy servant (Thy servant) with Thy motherhood before the Lord with boldness; We pray to You, our Help, help him (her), who has to be judged even before the Last Judgment Seat, help him to be justified before God, as the Creator of heaven and earth, and implore Your Only Begotten Son, the Lord God and our Savior Jesus Christ, May the deceased rest in the bosom of Abraham with the righteous and all the saints. Amen.
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