The loss of a loved one is always a tragedy. Death is an irreparable loss. Relatives of the deceased try to reassure themselves with the thought that they now have a personal protector and patron in the next world, but this is not always the case.
The soul of a deceased person can become not only a protector, but also bring unbearable torment. For example, it frightens you in the middle of the day and night, and in dreams it threatens or reproaches you for something. The soul of a deceased person can wander in the world of the living because it does not calm down from resentment towards relatives. It is in dreams, when the offender is defenseless, that the deceased pursues him. But in reality, luck may turn away from a living person. And such persecution will affect the psycho-emotional state.
How to apologize to the deceased?
Many wrote about apologizing to the dead, but this was more for their own sake, is there a way for the deceased to hear?
The dead hear us well. They still have an invisible subtle connection with us. You just need to turn to the deceased person in a calm atmosphere and sincerely ask for his forgiveness. You can do it through prayer, or you can do it in your own words. The main thing is to do it from the heart. Ask for forgiveness and try to let him go. Do it with joy and kindness. Because when you constantly feel guilty before him, then you keep him near you, and this makes it hard for him. He no longer needs this earthly life, he wants to be in other matters. Therefore, the best thing for you will be to sincerely ask him for forgiveness and let him go. Believe me, he will give you a sign that you have been heard. You will understand this yourself.
I think there is only one way - through yourself. What I mean is that you need to talk with all sincerity to your deceased loved one. Imagine his image as clearly as possible and express everything that is in your soul. If it didn’t work out right away and your soul didn’t feel better, don’t worry, try later. When you are heard, you should become calmer and happier.
No one will give you such a guarantee. If you only call his spirit
The Bible says that the dead cannot contact the living. And vice versa.
Esotericism claims that this is possible. If you believe that the deceased hears you, you don’t need to do anything special. Just come to the grave, bring flowers and the food that the deceased loved during life. Remember him, and part of what you brought , leave it at the grave. Ask for forgiveness from the heart and go home
Come to the cemetery, light a candle on the grave and call him by name several times. Place your hands on the candle and try to feel through it the connection with him. Close your eyes and try to see and feel him as much as possible, as you knew him during his life. Since - as if he is standing in front of you as before. Try to understand what mood he is in. Understand whether he is happy to see you. Whether he is happy or not. Then when you succeed, try to mentally talk to him and try to mentally hear what he responds .During this, pay attention to how you feel. When you manage to imagine him this way, tell him that you love him and ask for forgiveness. If he has forgiven you, your soul should feel better. Then go to church, pray for him, put a candle and hand over for the repose. If you have no experience communicating with the dead, then you don’t need to do anything. It will be enough to just come to the grave and sincerely apologize with a bow. They will hear you anyway
No wisdom is needed. Believe what you hear, come to the grave, put flowers, sweets, bow and ask for forgiveness. If a person loved during his lifetime, he forgave you everything long ago. Your task is to pray for his soul. This is the best thing you can now do it. Your feeling of guilt is your state. This absolutely does not mean that the deceased is blaming you. Here you need to deal with your psychology
Go to confession and confess your sins to this person. For example: “I offended a loved one.” “Did not help a loved one.” And so on. What torments your soul, tell us about it. The main thing is that God forgives. Through confession, the dead too can hear our repentance
If you want to apologize to the deceased, then pray for his soul before God, again you should confess and ask for forgiveness for your mistakes from God, in general you pray, for the forgiveness of your soul and the soul of the deceased this will be your use with him, you can also light candles for the repose of his soul and order a memorial service.
I believe that if you want to apologize to the deceased, do something good for his family so that loved ones understand that you repent of the ugly act you committed and are trying to atone for your guilt.
If the relatives of a deceased person refuse your help, the second way to apologize is to order a service for the repose in the Temple and the third, you can buy a wreath and visit the grave.
I often think about this too. This, as was correctly said above, concerns psychology and I am sure only of it. In my opinion, the peculiarity of all this is that our human worldview, and as a result, the assessment of our own and others’ actions, is built on associative connections. We constantly analyze something, plan, compare, predicting our life actions for TOMORROW based on what happened YESTERDAY, the day before yesterday, 5,10,20 years ago, thereby developing our intuition and gaining life experience. Thus, thanks to our brain, we are more likely to take the correct steps to ensure that ZVTRA occurs. But, I repeat, we, living people, do not have anything else in the “database” other than what we already know, i.e. past and present. This is our life on this side of consciousness. And this is enough for us so that we would not suddenly make mistakes if we knew what awaits us TOMORROW. This is how our universe works, and I think this is a very wise decision by the One who created us. And no matter how hard we try to look into tomorrow, we will never succeed, because for this we need to die. But the living are afraid to think about death. After all, the unknown is always scary. And herein lies another degree of “protection” of us from ourselves. But the Bible teaches - trust God, the soul is immortal, and thus, as it were, calms us in the face of the unknown, tells us that there is also life on the “other side”. And it really should be, it’s logical. Because the laws of life work in any direction, and just as you cannot die without being born, you cannot be born without dying. To us, the dead, on the other side of consciousness, TOMORROW is already revealed, i.e. the door that was previously closed. And we, there, already live in a new time, in which we already know what we tried so hard to find out while still alive. And here lies the secret of the phrase “ETERNAL LIFE.” Think about it! Imagine that we are already dead. And if for the living there is YESTERDAY and TODAY, but there is no TOMORROW yet, then for the dead, in the same way, our today’s TOMORROW becomes their today, and YESTERDAY for them is our living today. Thus, the deceased person again enters a new round of development, in which he, the deceased (or rather, born again) again has YESTERDAY and TODAY in which he continues to live. But the future is still closed to him. And this change in human transformation over time continues ad infinitum. Higher and higher along the turns of the universe. At the first round of soul development (let's call it our visible world here and now), we need a body. This is a nursery for the soul. At the next round of development, the soul no longer needs a material shell. It is the appearance of the body, souls are used only so that we living can recognize those who come to us in our dreams. After death, souls communicate telepathically (after all, they have already become older), etc. up the turns from small to large, from large to great, from great to holy, from holy to eternal. So if we return to the question of forgiveness to the dead, then I think for us living this state is an inevitable and integral part of the educational process of the formation of the soul, because it is still so young. Here, we are still too inexperienced and spiritually weak to rejoice when a person leaves for a new stage. Therefore, we only have enough strength for tears. And only over time, thanks to prayers, the pain gradually goes away. Churches for us living are free sanatoriums for souls. And prayer is a state of light trance, in which we can forget about our body for a while, distract ourselves from constant analyses, forecasts, plans, comparisons, etc., and listen in silence to our young, still inexperienced, but already immortal soul. Perhaps just now she is calming down, communicating with another soul of a person close to you. Love each other!
What should loved ones do?
From the very first moment, loved ones and relatives need to be close to the woman.
You can't leave her alone. Powerful psychological trauma makes the widow's psyche unstable, and she is capable of the most insane acts. It is advisable for one of the relatives to temporarily live with her, controlling her behavior. All this time you need to distract her with household chores, extraneous conversations, or listen to her silently.
The grief that inevitably sets in to cope with the loss of one of the foundations of a family emotionally is incredibly complex and contradictory. This appears to be a very personal matter for individual family members. On a superficial level, it focuses on the face of the deceased mother or father, and the surviving families survive. The experiences they gather in mourning also set the course for their personal future.
At the same time, the social network, family and wider social environment are affected and changed in mourning, and grief, which is easily overlooked in the individual imagination, is also social in two ways. The varied and conflicting responses to loss are strongly controlled by the needs of the family. At the same time, the social network is not only shaken by the loss, but must also be reorganized in the wake of the rupture and resulting turmoil.
You should not be offended by a woman’s aggressive behavior; there is no point in convincing her of anything in this state. The task of a relative is to exercise control over a person in a serious psychological state, preventing him from harming himself. You need to react calmly to any aggressive attacks and hysterics, talking to the widow soothingly and assenting.
Mourning is a tension between holding on and letting go, a conflict between fixating on the past and reorienting toward the future. Janus faces grief especially acutely when it comes to accepting the final leave of absence of a spouse and parent. This is explained in more detail in the individual focus points.
Death as a family experience
The loss is experienced as something extraordinary not only by the surviving spouse, but also by all the people who were closely associated with the deceased: in addition to the partner as the main victim, common children, but also brothers and sisters, parents and grandparents, friends, work colleagues, etc. .d. the deceased had different relationships with the people around him, so his death was experienced and processed differently by individual respondents. This leads to far-reaching consequences for relationships between relatives.
In cases where it is impossible to cope with a woman’s critical condition, it is recommended to seek help from a specialist. Advice from a psychologist will help you avoid the irreparable. Medication with sedatives may be required.
As soon as the woman becomes calmer and her emotional state levels out, you can start talking to her. A person needs to be helped to find a new meaning in life and accept the inevitable. During this period, it is better to protect the widow from unnecessary contacts.
However, differences in emotional reactions are initially overshadowed by the general experience of loss that affects all referenced individuals and which usually creates a community of mourning that closely unites those directly affected. There is a kind of mourning symbiosis, even if only for a short time, which takes on important functions in the mourning process. This constellation of relationships focuses on all kinds of pain and mutual support in processing death and dealing with upcoming obligations. Sympathy, understanding and comfort from relatives and friends encourages the bereaved and builds a spiritual reserve that makes the harsh fate of fate bearable.
Visits from numerous relatives with children, trying to entertain the grieving woman, can lead to the opposite effect. The sight of prosperous people can increase her grief.
Now the relative’s goal is to motivate the widow to have life-affirming thoughts and actions. He needs to help and support the woman in all her endeavors, nipping in the bud all attempts to plunge into grief again.
A forgotten hobby or a new type of activity will help restore mental health after psychological trauma.
Prayer to ask forgiveness from a deceased person
There are many reasons for this, but the main reason is that God has no living and no dead, all people are alive for him, it’s just that some have not yet crossed the line of the mortal gates, while others have crossed it, and now their fate directly depends on their actions, the prayers of the living and the mercy of God. And if we ask God for the well-being of our loved ones in this life, then why should we leave them without our participation in the other world? After all, from now on only we, their relatives, can influence their fate and remove from them sins that they did not repent of and which they may not even remember.
Family will always support
If you managed to survive the worst, come to terms with the inevitable and start building your life anew, you need to return to your family. Now is the time to plunge into the lives of children and grandchildren. Helping loved ones at this stage of rehabilitation will help a woman understand her role in life. Her purpose was to care not only for her husband, but also for her children. Their common children are a continuation of her husband.
Children and grandchildren need support, because they too have lost a loved one. Mutual help will help the family unite and survive the irreparable. Gradually, caring for younger family members will distract you from sorrowful thoughts. Some grandmothers find special pleasure in dedicating their lives to their grandchildren.
God has everyone alive
The fact that people who have passed on to another world hear our prayers is evidenced by many cases. For example, in 1896, at the discovered relics of Archbishop Theodosius (Chernigov), a certain hieromonk Alexy, who once was so tired that he fell asleep at the shrine, performed obedience. Then the archbishop appeared to him in a dream, who thanked him for his prayer and asked him to pray for his parents at the Liturgy: father Nikita and mother Maria, pointing out that prayer during the Liturgy is the most powerful. Until this moment, the names of the saint’s parents were unknown and were not mentioned in his life.
Later, in the monastery, in the archives, a memorial to the saint was discovered, in which the first names were the names of his father and mother - Nikita and Maria.
Hieromonk Alexy, who was awarded the vision, later became a famous elder in the Kiev Pechersk Lavra.
Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh spoke about the case of the prayerful intercession of a murdered girl about her fiancé, who accidentally, during the fighting, shot her, for which he grieved all his life. He confessed his sin to various confessors, but it did not become easier for him until he came to Bishop Anthony.
The saint gave him advice - to pray for forgiveness not only to God, but also to ask his beloved for forgiveness so that she, an innocent victim, would intercede before God for her murderer.
A few years later, the man wrote to Anthony that the guilt that had tormented him for so many years had receded, that is, the prayer to God of the bride he had killed turned out to be stronger than all his prayers.
Hello sadness
I met Dmitry at the age of 38.
Unmarried, non-drinker, homely. We lived with him for 10 years in love and harmony. He died suddenly, my heart... I made an appointment with a psychologist and went through several therapy sessions. The psychologist advised to forget the past: “Don’t look at your photos together, go to the movies, theaters, take walks. In a word, take a break. Communicate with men."
I followed the advice: I had neither the need nor the desire to rush home. And I myself was afraid to look at the photograph: both so as not to pick at the wound, and remembering the superstitions - they say, you can’t do this, disturb the dead. But it didn’t work with men. Nobody liked it. One friend, Nadezhda, who got married at 43, said that no one was nice to her for a long time either. So she even addressed this question to the healer. She told her to read a love plot for the growing moon:
“The wind is a daring, the month is a treasure, the corner is a coal, the millet is a grain, everyone knows that one person dies. All living things on mother earth are for all living things to be on mother earth, so that everyone lives in pairs and families. As a cat has a cat, as a lioness has a lion, as a dove has a dove, so that I too have a man. Amen!"
Holy Scripture indicates this
The Old Testament (2 Macc. 12:39) tells how the soldiers of Judah the Maccabee, after the battle with the Edomites, began to collect their dead comrades on the battlefield and under their clothes they found idol amulets, which the Jews captured as trophies and, because of superstitions, put them on before the battle .
Such an act was a terrible sin before God, and the surviving warriors realized that this sin was the cause of the death of each of those killed.
To atone for the guilt of their fellow tribesmen, the Jews made a joint prayer before the Creator with a request that this sin be “completely blotted out,” and Judas Maccabee sent an offering to Jerusalem so that they would bring a sacrifice to God that would appease the Creator and cleanse the dead from sin. This case clearly shows that the living can influence God’s decision about the deceased, have a real opportunity to ask Him for forgiveness for the misdeeds of their relatives and thus make their posthumous existence easier.
In the book of Jeremiah (16:7), the believer is required to give alms for the deceased, distributing it to the poor: “. Expect your bread at the tomb of the righteous, but do not give it to sinners.”
In the Gospel of Matthew, Christ himself says that in the next century only one sin will not be forgiven - blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, which directly indicates the possibility of a person being forgiven after his death.
The secret of the family
For three months in a row, Nadezhda read the plot every night and eventually fell in love with a neighbor, whom she married.
But before that I knew him for 7 years! The healer said that it happens that women lock their feelings in a casket inside themselves - some out of modesty, some out of fear that they will not achieve reciprocity, some out of fear of being used. Nadezhda managed to open the “inner casket”. I read the plot, something warm stirred in my soul, but it didn’t have the same effect as Nadezhda’s.
Nadezhda did not let up: “Maybe my case is like this, and yours is different!” She strongly recommended that I go to that healer. Yes, I was afraid.
Once at the church I met a woman alone. She came up to me: “I’ve been sitting here for a long time, I see many people, trouble has happened to you.” She advised me to ask my ancestors for help. “Yes, I don’t even have ancestors, they all died.” – “It’s not scary, there is such a concept: the secret of the family. Everything that is written in the family is known, everything is in the book of destinies. Even those who have not known their parents since birth ask their dead ancestors for help - after all, these ancestors existed! On a full moon, you need to drink a glass of holy water at night, mentally calling on one of your ancestors to give answers to questions or forgive mistakes, and go to bed. Close your eyes and do not move until sleep overcomes you. The decision will come in a dream.”
So I did. I turned to Dima; there was no person closer to him. But I didn’t receive any answer in my dream. Then it dawned on me: Dima, although he was close to me, he was not a blood relative!
Achieve forgiveness for those who have sinned
Since the final fate of a person will be determined at the Last Judgment, this means that the living still have time to ask forgiveness for the dead: “Whatever you ask in prayer with faith, you will receive” (Matthew 21:22).
It is known that the early Christians prayed for the dead from apostolic times; On their gravestones are inscribed the petitions of their relatives to God: “May God refresh Anthony’s soul! Let him see heaven,” “Eternal light to Timothy in Christ.” “May He, to whom all things are possible, cool you” is inscribed on the grave of martyrs who were burned alive.
On the stone of Bishop Averky (city of Hieropolis), equated with the apostles, is written his request to the Synod to pray for him.
Prayer for the deceased is a selfless feat that must be combined with fasting and good deeds. The most famous prayer books among the Orthodox were the hermits Macarius and Paisius the Great, Paul the Simple, the Holy Fool Andrew and the Hieromartyr Uar, to whom they pray for unrepentant sinners.
In Rus', the most famous prayer book for a deceased husband was St. Xenia of Petersburg, who was widowed at the age of 28 and devoted her whole life to begging her husband from hell, accepting the feat of foolishness. She put on men's clothes, called herself by her husband's name and began to pray to God day and night for forgiveness.
How can you help?
Firstly, the deceased must be buried - this can be done in a church, in the farewell hall of a ritual service or in a cemetery. If it is not possible to hold a funeral service for the deceased, you can do it in absentia. After the funeral, the magpie “On Repose” is ordered, and the relatives read the Psalter for 40 days.
It is believed that during the first 40 days after death, a person’s soul overcomes trials, and only after that the Lord decides its fate; the prayers of the living can tip the scales towards its lighter side.
Then they order an annual commemoration, you can submit notes “about the repose”, order memorial services - special funeral services. In the monasteries of Russia, Athos or Jerusalem, you can order “eternal remembrance”, you can give alms to the poor so that they pray for the deceased, do good deeds and even make peace with those with whom he was in a quarrel.
All this, plus personal fervent prayer to God, pleases the Lord and can ease the posthumous suffering of a loved one.
Prayer for forgiveness of one's sins before God
The most powerful prayers for forgiveness are offered to the Lord God. They need to be read every day. Every word in prayer appeals should sound consciously and sincerely.
Daily prayer of repentance and forgiveness
For a daily prayer of repentance and forgiveness, you can use the following prayer:
Prayer to Jesus Christ for forgiveness of grievances
Resentment towards other people greatly pollutes the soul, so you need to get rid of them using a special prayer.
It sounds like this:
Prayer of John Krestyankin for forgiveness of ancestral sins (of a kind)
The main purpose of praying to the Lord for the forgiveness of one’s sins is to save the human soul. Its strength lies in the fact that with its help one-on-one communication with God occurs. This means that you need to ascend it in complete solitude and absolutely sincerely.
The basic rules for such prayer are as follows:
- Before offering prayer, you need to realize everything that you have done wrong in life. It is important to awaken in your soul a desire for sincere repentance for your misdeeds. You need to voice in your own words what you did, violating the commandments of God and ask for forgiveness for this.
- Before reading the prayer for forgiveness, it is recommended to visit the temple and confess.
The prayer text reads as follows:
Creation
A great way to relax and distract from obsessive thoughts is creativity. It is useful to remember childhood and youth hobbies, to pick up a brush or a camera. A pleasant and calm activity can heal a tormented soul. You can find like-minded people and attend group events. Some people like to be completely alone. It doesn't matter what type of creativity is chosen. The main thing is that it brings pleasure.
Over time, grief will begin to fade into the background. He will be pushed aside by new plans and worries. Any activity bears fruit. And small successes in your favorite business will fill your heart with life.
Creativity will bring new knowledge, skills and new acquaintances to life. It will expand your horizons and circle of friends. New connections can dramatically change a woman's world and bring positive changes to her life.
Prayer for forgiveness of sins for aborted children
Abortion is considered a terrible sin and a woman needs to pray for it for a long time. A prayer for forgiveness for the murder of an unborn baby is read for 40 days. It is important not to miss a single day. Before starting to pray, it is recommended to visit the temple, confess and repent before the priest. Prayer words should be said in front of the icon of the Mother of God and Savior. Sincere prayer will definitely be heard and God will remove your sin.
The prayer text reads as follows:
A very strong prayer to the Creator for forgiveness and help
There are several powerful, focused prayers to the Lord. They need to be used in specific cases. It is very important to offer such prayers in front of the icon of the Savior.
Prayer for forgiveness of those who have offended us
In order to cleanse the soul of negativity, you need to offer a prayer for forgiveness of people who have caused offense. This will allow you to let go of the situation and successfully move towards your goal. The peculiarities of reading such a prayer are that it should be close in essence to meditation. It is necessary to retire to a separate room, install an icon of the Savior, light a church candle in front of it and take a comfortable position.
The text of the prayer reads as follows:
Prayer for forgiveness of a child
Parents very often offer prayers for the forgiveness of their children. This allows you to cleanse the aura of your children.
This mother’s prayer is considered the most powerful:
Prayer for forgiveness of enemies
If you know your enemies, then you must definitely read a prayer for their forgiveness. This will protect your soul from the influence of negative energy. In addition, such a prayer will push your enemies onto the right path and there is a very high probability that your hostility will soon cease.
One powerful prayer goes like this:
How to objectively assess guilt towards a deceased person
With the death of a loved one - mother, grandmother, son, husband, grandfather, father - a feeling of guilt arises. It is experienced by those who had to bury the deceased.
The feeling occurs for the following reasons:
- relief if death ends a period of serious illness of a relative. Caring for someone who is sick is always a difficult experience;
- the person did not have time to ask for forgiveness for the offense. In this case, you need to pray for the soul to find peace;
- some circumstances prevented us from helping the now deceased person;
- lack of care for the deceased during his lifetime, rare calls, lack of communication. Feelings of destructive guilt will not help: learn a lesson from the situation, learn to live the day as if it were your last;
- the person supported the patient’s reluctance to take pills when he refused to follow doctors’ orders. Not everyone can be persistent;
- the person who buried the relative was unable to protect him from danger in time and did not warn him about it. Man has no power to control his destiny.
With guilt comes a feeling of anger - at the departure of the deceased, at God who took him away, at oneself if they indirectly caused the death of a loved one. Emotions are caused by the egoistic nature of a person: it is difficult and sad without the deceased.
Some eastern peoples have a tradition of having fun at funerals. The strange custom is connected with the fact that the deceased has passed the difficult path of earthly existence, now he will have rest in the afterlife, union with the Almighty.
To objectively assess guilt towards the deceased, realize: behind the feeling lies the horror of death. The psyche includes defense mechanisms: shock occurs, forcing one not to see death, fear, grief, suffering appear, masking denial.
If you understand the cause of depression and learn to adequately assess it, it will be easier to overcome true experiences.
The feeling of guilt hides the understanding of the irreversibility of what happened. The person loses control over what is happening and does not admit it. The anger experienced towards the deceased is associated with helplessness, a violent protest to the existing course of things.
Showing emotions
There is no need to hide your feelings and try to suppress them. The natural release of negative emotions will alleviate the widow’s condition. After tears, attacks of despair and reproaches, it becomes easier.
Pushing resentment, anger and irritation inside can only strengthen them. Internal dissatisfaction will increase, destroying the woman’s personality and health.
The stage of suffering must be experienced. This is part of the road to recovery. Unwonted drama can become an obstacle on the path to physical and moral healing.
It’s great if there is someone to speak out and vent to. It is advisable to find an understanding person who has experienced such grief.
No one will understand a widow better than women who have lost their husbands. They know from experience how to survive the death of their beloved husband.
If a widow does not lead a reclusive life, she will definitely find moral support from those around her. This is not difficult to do without leaving home, communicating on forums on the Internet.
Is this feeling normal and how to get rid of it?
Psychologists note that everyone experiences awareness of guilt before a person who has gone to the grave. This is a normal emotion that hides the fear of death, the awareness of helplessness in the face of the natural course of things. But careful psychoanalysis does not eliminate negativity.
Measures that create a feeling of accomplishment will help you get rid of the feeling of guilt towards the deceased:
- observance of rituals associated with death. Arrange a funeral according to the rules, order flowers, make a wake. Following the instructions, fulfill your duty to the deceased. It is easier to survive grief when you realize that everything possible has been done;
- lack of desire to escape from sensations. Survive them, it will take about a year. Understand yourself, evaluate objectively what causes the feelings of negativity and guilt. If you are tired of caring for a sick person, admit: this is a heavy burden, stop reproaching yourself. If the deceased is a parent, understand that everyone has to lose their mom and dad. This is the natural course of things;
- within a year, sort out the deceased’s belongings. It’s hard, but it allows you to get rid of painful reminders and stand in front of him;
- believers find solace through religion. Faith gives a feeling of hope for eternal life. A person with serious religious beliefs knows that he will meet his relatives after death; the death of loved ones is a transition to another world. If you believe, go to church, order a magpie or a memorial service, take care of the soul of the deceased and relieve yourself of guilt.
According to psychology, difficult feelings arise due to ignorance, awareness of the brevity, finitude of life, and the inability to take control of death.
Anger and guilt are a consequence of helplessness and, partly, selfishness.
How to properly ask for forgiveness from the deceased
According to Orthodoxy, it is impossible to ask forgiveness from the deceased: you need to apologize during your lifetime. You can pray for the soul of the deceased.
To let go of the deceased in your mind and heart, do work on your inner peace. It is easier for the soul to go to other worlds, knowing that it is remembered well.
Neither church canons nor public morality regulate apologies and sorrowful feelings. You can ask for forgiveness from a deceased person as your heart dictates.
When guilt gnaws, go to church, light a candle for the repose, mentally ask the deceased for forgiveness. Non-believers visit the graves in the cemetery, commemorate the deceased, and ask the soul to forgive the grievances.
Prophetic dream
I waited until the next full moon and this time I turned to my deceased grandmother.
The dream has come! It’s like I’m little, I’m running into the forest, and my grandmother is chasing me with a birch twig - she wants to whip me for something. “For what, grandma?” - I shout. “Because you don’t preserve the memory, but they get bored!” I woke up neither alive nor dead. She ran to church to light candles for the dead. Then to the cemetery, I put the graves in order. I approach Dimina - the photograph on the wooden cross has faded, almost nothing can be distinguished. I decided to order a new portrait of him. But which photo to choose? I printed a lot of different pictures. While I was looking at them, a good feeling came over me - as if I was talking to a dear person.
I bought a special photo album - well, these superstitions! When I inserted the photo into the cells, I felt such relief, as if all my sins had been forgiven. So this is what grandma wanted to tell me? I felt renewed. The pain is gone, only good memories and regret about what happened remain. I still can’t fix anything, but torturing myself with oblivion... that’s not human!
Four months later I met Vitalik. He is a wonderful person and probably also has warm feelings for me. They say that at our age this is impossible, but in reality it is possible, believe me!
Will the deceased forgive the living?
Religion claims: the dead do not leave us, the connection with them only weakens. They hear the prayers of relatives, take care of them, know about their feelings, protect them from dangerous situations in life, and pray in the other world. They forgive guilt and do not hold grudges.
Whether the deceased will forgive the living depends on the sense of faith and the degree of guilt towards the deceased. If you feel that after prayer or mental apology your soul becomes lighter, forgiveness has been received. Try not to torture yourself with needless torment and pain.
If you promised something to the deceased, intended to fulfill it, but did not have time, bring the matter to the end to calm the feelings.
Christian tradition
It seems strange to many that people usually ask each other for forgiveness on the eve of the beginning of Lent, and not on the first day of the Holy Pentecost. After all, strict fasting and the Great Canon of Penitence are better suited to reconciliation with loved ones than the day when we try to finish our meager supplies.
Archpriest Dimitri Struyev says the following about this: “The Lord says: “When you bring your gift to the altar and remember there that your brother has some claims against you, then go and make peace with your brother first and only then bring your gift "(Matt. 5:23-24). It is precisely according to this commandment that we cannot even light a candle in church, let alone read the Great Canon.”
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The dangers of an unkept promise to the deceased
There is a tradition of keeping promises made to the deceased. More often, guilt and a feeling of heaviness after the death of relatives occurs when they gave their word, but could not keep it. Keep your promise. The act has a double benefit: it will calm the conscience and allow the soul to leave the physical world.
Unfulfilled promises given to someone who has passed on to another world are dangerous. The living is tormented by conscience, and the soul of the deceased feels uneasy about the incompleteness of earthly affairs. The consequence of this is a feeling of heaviness in the heart, constant guilt, dreams in which a person sees the deceased.
The power of a promise is such that an unfulfilled word aggravates the state of the soul in another world. The sooner you do it, the better for the deceased and the living.
With the understanding that they did what they could for the deceased, guilt is replaced by a feeling of light sadness.
Charity
According to psychologists, nothing cures grief like someone else's misfortune. A person who finds himself in a difficult life situation needs to directly encounter people who have suffered no less. The sight of someone else's tragedy gives an understanding that misfortune can befall any person. And the scale of grief may be no less.
You can visit medical institutions where there are incurable patients, cancer centers or rehabilitation centers for the disabled.
Seeing the courage with which people endure their own troubles, the widow may feel ashamed of her weakness and be motivated to overcome her difficulties.
Supporting those in need of help in any form - moral or material - will have a healing effect on the widow herself. She will perk up, feel needed and find new meaning in her life.
