How to remember correctly on the anniversary of death

Law of Death

Why host a memorial dinner on the anniversary of a death? This question often interests relatives of deceased people. To understand why and how to remember the dead, you need to understand what happens to the soul after death.

Funeral lunch in a Belarusian village

As a result of the fall of the first people, death appeared in the world. She established her own law on earth, common to everyone. Human life, having reached a certain milestone, ends, and the body is consigned to the earth. But what happens to the immortal soul? According to Orthodox teaching, this depends on the spiritual quality of life lived on earth. Paradise awaits the soul, being with the Lord and all the saints. Or hell, the painful state of being unable to get closer to God. However, it should be noted that heaven and hell are not material, with “geographical” points and coordinates. According to the Holy Fathers, this is a certain “internal” state of a person that awaits him in the next century.

Funeral traditions

In Orthodoxy, it is customary to remember the dead; the ancient Slavs also had such a ritual. It takes place on the day of the funeral itself, then 9 or 40 days later. On the anniversary of death, it is also customary to gather for a special meal. How to remember the deceased if he was a Christian? The most important thing is, of course, prayer. It is also necessary to refrain from heavy libations, or better yet, from alcohol altogether. Under no circumstances should ceremonial commemorations turn into riotous fun. This is very far from Christian traditions.

In addition to private prayer, on the anniversary of death in the church they order:

• a special remembrance during the Liturgy is the morning service, during which pieces are taken from the consecrated bread for the departed. It is customary to order the so-called “sorokoust” - they will commemorate at forty services;

• memorial service - usually served on Saturdays, but you can arrange with the priest for another day. You can come to the funeral service weekly, but the anniversary is a particularly important day;

• Lithium is another type of funeral service; it is somewhat shorter than a memorial service. It is served at any time; you can bring a priest to the cemetery to perform it.

It is imperative that the family members and friends of the deceased themselves pray at any memorial. After all, the priest cannot convey the feelings and emotions that loved ones experience. He acts as a performer of the ritual. Of course, his prayer has power, but you cannot entrust everything to others. After all, we are talking about the posthumous fate of a loved one.

But this is not all that is ordered in the church. The Psalter is appropriate for the anniversary of death. Usually it is ordered from monasteries and is done for a long time. Depending on the donation for a month, six months or a whole year. Again, be sure to remember the deceased yourself every day. For this purpose, the morning rule contains special short prayers.

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Church shops sell special books where you can write down everyone who needs to be remembered. You can take this book to church so that you don’t forget anyone when submitting notes. When the deacon or priest reads the notes, be sure to pray yourself.

Why you need to pray for the dead

After the death of a person, relatives strive to alleviate his fate through prayer for his soul, alms, and organizing funeral services. For believers, the memory of the deceased does not disappear 40 days after death. According to legend, during this period a preliminary frequent Judgment is performed on the soul. Before the Second Coming of Christ there is still time and opportunity to change the fate of the soul for the better. A memorial dinner on the anniversary of death is precisely evidence of ongoing care for the soul of the deceased.

“Many people are embarrassed by the thought of praying for the dead; they wonder what the purpose of this prayer is, what we hope to achieve with it. Can the fate of the dead change because they are prayed for? Can prayer convince God to be unfair and give them what they don't deserve?

If you believe that praying for the living helps them, why don't you think it is possible to pray for the dead? Life is one, for, as the Evangelist Luke says, “God... is not the God of the dead, but of the living” (Luke 20:38). Death is not the end, but a certain stage in human destiny. And this fate does not freeze like stone at the moment of death.

The love that our prayers express cannot be in vain. If love has power on earth, but has no power after death, this tragically contradicts the word of Scripture that “love is strong as death” (Song 8:6). And it contradicts the experience of the Church, which testifies that love is stronger than death. For Christ conquered death in His love for the human race" (Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh, 1914-2003).

Why choose us?

If you have not yet made your final choice in favor of any institution, then you should definitely find out about our advantages:

• For all customers we provide the best offers in terms of price and quality in the city. You can order different menus for the 9-day funeral. A popular option is the menu for 1000 rubles per person. The price includes all food and drinks required by the religion;
• We do not oblige the customer to purchase alcohol from us. Everyone can purchase alcohol on their own and bring it to the funeral. We do not charge extra for our own alcohol;
• Our team has the best service staff. Each employee understands the importance of such an event, therefore they provide services at the highest level;
• To organize funerals, we offer our clients three halls. They differ in design and capacity. The customer can choose what suits his wishes and requirements.

The funeral menu is selected in advance upon first contact and approval of the order. An excellent option would be a menu for 1200 rubles per person.

Tradition of the wake

Prayers for the dead already existed in Old Testament times. Before the Savior came into the world, the dead faced a bleak, albeit to varying degrees, fate after death. As a result of the Fall, humanity alienated itself from God and lost unity with Him. People were expelled from paradise, and the doors to it were closed. And this lasted until the Son of God, by His death on the Cross, atoned for the sins of people.

An example of caring for the souls of the dead is the prayer of the Jewish people for those killed during the battle with the Edomites (Second Book of Maccabees, 12:39-45). The Jewish soldiers hid the things of the pagan gods (trophies) under their clothes, violating God's command. This was the reason for their death. Judas Maccabee collected money and sent it to the Jerusalem Temple to offer a sacrifice to God for sin. Judas Maccabee “acted very well and piously, considering the resurrection.” Thus, he showed concern for the forgiveness of the sins of his fallen brothers on the Day of Judgment.

“Therefore he offered a propitiatory sacrifice for the dead, that they might be freed from sin” (Second Maccabees 12:45).

Old Testament prayer testified to the hope of salvation that existed even then in the future. However, she could not change the afterlife fate of the souls of dead people. This became possible only in New Testament times.

“All Old Testament people and even the prophets were bound by sin and, as bound, did not have the power to free anyone from mortal bonds. But the Lord Jesus Christ appeared, a perfect Man and a perfect God. By His power He redeemed us from eternal death. And in His face we have hope and hope for salvation” (priest Dimitry Shishkin).

Memorial dinner on the anniversary of death: spiritual meaning

For Orthodox Christians, a wake is not a reason to gather for dinner with loved ones to discuss everyday problems. A memorial dinner on the anniversary of death is an opportunity to pray together for the repose of the soul. The funeral food itself is a kind of alms for those present. Therefore, a folk tradition has developed to arrange a hearty and tasty treat.

“Just as when we visit prisoners, we bring them soft drinks and the like and thereby alleviate their suffering, so we alleviate the suffering of the deceased with prayers and alms that we perform for the repose of their souls” (Reverend Paisius the Svyatogorets, 1924-1994).

The memorial table on the anniversary of death should not be perceived as a formal ritual (although it is important). The main thing in commemoration should be a prayer to the Lord to grant the soul of the deceased the Kingdom of Heaven. Prayer can be either at home or in church. On the day of remembrance, if possible, you should submit a note for the Liturgy. You need to order a special memorial service at the church - a memorial service.

“The Holy Church embraces all people with its love and cares for all its children. It encourages you and me to also show love for our neighbors, to care for them, not only the living, but also the dead. Because Christian love never runs out. She goes into eternity, there are no barriers to love, therefore for her there is no death or decay.

And the Holy Church, when commemorating the dead, encourages us to always respond to the call of the Church to perform such commemoration. We must always, at any time, remember our deceased. We do this during the Divine Liturgy, during the proskomedia, during the requiem service. And in our prayers at home, the Holy Church commands us to pray not only for the living, but also for the dead” (Archpriest Vasily Stoiko).

What to do on this day

The first anniversary of death arrives. What to do and how to organize everything correctly, without missing anything, worries everyone who is faced with this. The future of the eternal life of the deceased depends on us. The commemoration of the dead according to the charter of the Orthodox Church looks like this:

• 
  Order a psalter for the deceased at the monastery a week in advance. If finances allow, then order eternal memorial. Some people order magpie in several churches. If there is a need for especially fervent prayer, you can join a joint prayer by agreement with Fr. Vladimir Golovin: for reading the akathist about those who died like one on Saturdays.

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• On the anniversary day, from early morning before the start of the service, or the night before, order a commemoration of the deceased: liturgy, mass, proskomedia, memorial service. Light candles for the deceased, his relatives, parents: mom and dad. After the service, take a prosphora and remember the deceased. Orthodox relatives of the deceased must be present at the liturgy and pray for his posthumous fate.
• At the church funeral service, be sure to consecrate the kutya for the funeral table. Order a prayer of thanksgiving for the fact that the Lord sent you to meet such a person in life.
• If possible, buy for the altar: candles, lamp oil, incense, Cahors. Leave foodstuffs on the funeral table for remembrance in the church. These can be the most common products: sugar, jam, sweets, bread, cereals, fruits, vegetables. You can take flour to the church bakery to bake prosphora. The main thing is to celebrate the memorial with all your heart.
• Give alms to the poor near the church. Help people in need. You can take the memorial to a home for the disabled, a nursing home, or help in some way to an orphanage. In general, it’s up to you to decide what to do.

Funeral: echoes of the past

In the modern world, along with the Orthodox tradition of remembering neighbors, some funeral rites that have their roots in paganism have been preserved.

So, for example, remembering with food in a cemetery is a residual phenomenon of the pagan funeral feast. Before the adoption of Christianity in Rus', it was believed that it was necessary to share a meal with the deceased. Otherwise, he will allegedly remain unsatisfied.

Since pagan times, the tradition of observing a special order at the funeral table has also been preserved. The head of the table should be the owner of the house. On both sides of him are relatives according to the degree of closeness of relationship to the deceased. This has nothing to do with Orthodoxy. The fate of the deceased does not depend on the strict order of placing people at the table, but on the intense prayer performed for him.

It is still widely believed that during a wake there must be a plate (and even a glass of vodka) on the table for the deceased. This is an echo of the pagan past. The disembodied soul is no longer required for food to strengthen its strength. For her, only prayer with alms matters.

“The dead expect prayer from us first of all. Because prayer is not just words. Prayer is an appeal to God, an appeal to the Saints, and we reach a different, inexplicable to the human mind, spiritual level of communication. This is precisely the area of ​​faith, faith that we are really awaited, awaited for a special commemoration, for our special pious behavior” (Archpriest Georgy Gulyaev).

How to hold a wake for 1 year?

If a person was baptized during his lifetime, he is ordered to have a funeral commemoration at the Liturgy.
Prayer is a huge help for people who have left this world. After all, by and large, the deceased does not need either a monument or a luxurious meal; the only thing a loved one can do for his soul is to read prayers and remember his good deeds. You can order the Liturgy in the church in the evening the day before the funeral or in the morning on the same day. Among other things, the deceased is also remembered at meals. On this day, it is customary to prepare various dishes: this is necessarily soup, main course, and at the request of relatives, the favorite dishes of the deceased are prepared. Don't forget about pancakes, jelly and pastries.

On the day of commemoration of the death of the deceased, you should definitely visit his grave. If necessary, they restore order there: they tint the fence, plant flowers, pine needles (thuja takes root best, it does not grow in breadth and does not take root, but only grows upward). If there was a temporary monument on the grave, then it is exactly in the year after death that it is replaced with a permanent one.

Memorial dinner on the anniversary of death

It is advisable to invite Christian believers who are able to pray for the deceased to a memorial dinner on the anniversary of death. Before the funeral meal itself, one should read kathisma 17 (psalm 118), as well as a prayer for the repose of the soul of the deceased. At the funeral meal, it is customary to remember the good deeds of the deceased. Entertaining conversations and songs are considered undesirable. One should not remember or discuss the bad deeds of the deceased.

A common question is: what to cook for a funeral for 1 year? A sample menu for the anniversary of death may be as follows.

The funeral meal begins with kutya (koliva). Traditionally, this dish is prepared from boiled wheat grains mixed with honey. Sometimes wheat is replaced with rice with raisins. The grains symbolize the resurrection in the next century, and the addition of honey or raisins reminds of the sweetness of life of the righteous in the Kingdom of Heaven. For the funeral table, kutya is consecrated during a memorial service in the church.

In some regions of Russia, “obligatory” funeral dishes include pancakes and jelly.

The rest of the dishes at the funeral meal may depend on the seasons, whether the day of the funeral falls on a fast day, as well as on the financial wealth of the relatives. There is nothing wrong if the food is modest and “no frills.” These can be fish or meat dishes (sliced ​​meats, cutlets), noodle soup or borscht, vegetable salads, sandwiches, pies, gingerbreads.

The Holy Fathers categorically prohibit commemoration with alcoholic beverages. A state of intoxication does not contribute to a prayerful attitude. According to Saint John Chrysostom (347-407),

“Whoever commemorates with wine asks for great torment for the one commemorated.”

Menu for 1500 rubles per person

The final stage is holding a funeral at a high level. It doesn’t matter what you choose: a memorial menu for a 9-day funeral or other options, we will do our job at the best, all guests will be satisfied.

First prayer for the departed

Remember, O Lord our God, in faith and hope the life of Thy eternal departed servant (Thy departed servant, Thy departed servant) (name), and as the Good and Lover of mankind, forgiving sins, and consuming untruths, weaken, forsake, and forgive all who will. (her) sins and involuntary, elevating him (s) to Your holy second coming into the communion of Your eternal blessings, for the sake of the only faith in You, the true God and Lover of mankind; for Thou art the resurrection and the life and the rest of Thy servant (name), Christ our God, and to Thee we ascribe glory, with Thy beginningless Father, and with the Most Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages, Amen.

Second prayer

God of spirits and all flesh, having trampled down death and abolished the devil, and given life to Thy world!

Himself, Lord, give rest to the souls of your departed servants: your most holy patriarchs, your eminence metropolitans, archbishops and bishops, who served you in the priestly, ecclesiastical and monastic ranks; the creators of this holy temple, the Orthodox forefathers, fathers, brothers and sisters, lying here and everywhere; leaders and warriors who laid down their lives for the faith and fatherland, the faithful, who were killed in internecine warfare, drowned, burned, frozen to death, torn to pieces by beasts, suddenly died without repentance and did not have time to reconcile with the Church and with their enemies; in the frenzy of the mind of those who committed suicide, those for whom we were commanded and asked to pray, for whom there is no one to pray, and the faithful, Christian burial deprived of (the name of the rivers) in a bright place, in a green place, in a place of peace, from where sickness, sadness and sighing can escape .

Every sin committed by them in word or deed or thought, as a good Lover of mankind, God forgives, as if there is no man who will live and not sin. For You are the only one besides sin, Your righteousness is righteousness forever, and Your word is truth.

Troparion (from the Sequence of the Dirge)

Build with the depth of wisdom all things humanely and bestow upon all that are useful, O One Creator, rest, O Lord, the soul of Thy servant (or: the soul of Thy servant; for many: the souls of Thy servant), for place their trust in Thee (or for many: place their trust), the Creator and the Creator and our God. Glory, even now: To you and the Wall and the Refuge of the Imams, and the Prayer Book favorable to God, Whom You gave birth to, O Blessed Mother of God, the salvation of the faithful.

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