It is customary to celebrate the anniversary of death, 9 and 40 days from the date of its occurrence, with a memorial dinner. Friends and relatives of the deceased are invited to it, they remember him with kind words, and make speeches. It is worth finding out in advance what words you can say in memory of a deceased person, and what words on the anniversary of death are best left to yourself.
Memorial speech at funerals and wakes. Important dates of remembrance
Relatives are confused and in shock - feelings and emotions change depending on the degree of relationship and closeness of the deceased. It's difficult to find words at the right moment. For this reason, funeral speeches are often composed in advance. This form of expressing feelings is not just a tribute to tradition, but also an opportunity to tell the deceased about your feelings. It is believed that his soul senses positive and negative energy. In the afterlife, kind words spoken by relatives give hope to the imperishable shell; it completes its transition from earthly life to eternal life.
Today, funeral words have acquired another meaning: a tribute of respect, a manifestation of mourning etiquette. It is customary in society to say the last words during a funeral or at a wake. This is a form of manifestation of love and affection of loved ones for the deceased. In comparison, sitting through a meal in silence is perceived negatively. This shows the indifference of relatives to the process itself and the deceased.
After the funeral, several private memorial dates are celebrated: 3, 9 and 40 days.
Each plays a role for the soul - the incorruptible shell passes from worldly life to eternal life, ascends to heaven, gets acquainted with the heavenly and hellish abodes. At the same time, its fate is being decided: where the soul will await the Last Judgment. Relatives should remember the deceased, in this way they will help the deceased, provide support, and promote forgiveness of sins, since the incorruptible shell does not have the opportunity to repent after death. General memorial days are also celebrated:
- Meat-eating Parent's Saturday;
- Parents' Saturdays on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th week of Lent;
- Radonitsa;
- Commemoration of deceased soldiers;
- Trinity Parents' Saturday;
- Dimitrievskaya Parent's Saturday.
On Radonitsa you can remember all the dead, including suicides.
Trinity Saturday is the day of universal remembrance of the dead
Calculator for counting the days of the deceased's funeral
Features of the wake
The person who was closest to the deceased (husband/wife) usually speaks first. Next come parents and children, grandchildren, other relatives, close friends, acquaintances. If for some reason a person cannot speak, then the next one speaks.
The leader of the funeral should also be close to the deceased. This will allow him to be on the same emotional level with other guests, and, if necessary, to support and fill pauses.
Funeral speech: farewell words to the deceased, important points of construction
It is customary to pronounce words with good connotations. Resentment, irritation, indignation and dissatisfaction - this should not be read in a funeral speech, because a funeral is not a suitable place where one could sort things out, especially since the other party (the deceased) cannot answer. Other important points:
- the text is written in advance, this will allow you to highlight the main points, not lose the thread of the story about the deceased, and finish the speech on time;
- It is customary to speak sincerely, standard phrases can be pronounced with soul, because this will allow those present to appreciate the depth of feeling for the deceased;
- it is necessary to control emotions as much as possible, the funeral speech should not be too tragic;
- note several main points that will help you avoid a protracted pause and quickly find your bearings in order to continue the memorial speech;
- the text should not be long, the average reading time is 5 minutes;
- It is recommended to memorize the main points, then the spoken words will sound less detached;
- when the funeral speech turns out to be awkward, you cannot find the appropriate words to say goodbye to the deceased, you can go through in your memory the main points associated with the deceased, if you choose one of them - the most vivid, memorable, the one that would show all the wonderful qualities of the deceased, you can compose based on it your text.
How to express words of condolences at a funeral: briefly, discreetly, unobtrusively
If loved ones are so grieved that they are unable to give a funeral speech, they should be replaced by those who are able to control their emotions. It is believed that the eldest member of the family should speak first, but if this is a grandmother/grandfather of 90 years old (not physically able), the relative next in seniority, but always closely related (1st or 2nd line), should speak. Main parts of the funeral speech:
- introduction: it is considered correct to greet everyone and introduce yourself if the wake is held widely - with the invitation of distant acquaintances of the deceased, which means that not everyone knows the speaker;
- main part: you should say a few words about your feelings, how life has changed after the death of a loved one, then you need to briefly talk about what kind of person the deceased was, one of the stories associated with him during his lifetime;
- conclusion: you can say the standard phrase that is said at a funeral or wake (“rest in peace”), after which you should thank those who came for choosing to honor the memory of the deceased.
Expression of condolences
How you can't talk
Not all words in a funeral speech sound equally appropriate. Some are better not to say, they can cause too strong a reaction, even if in a normal situation they are perceived without emotion - normally. When studying what is said at funerals and wakes, we consider a separate category of phrases, fragments of speech that are best not uttered:
- “I know how you feel, I experienced the same thing recently” - this reduces the importance of the moment, the feelings of relatives;
- “God ordered it this way” - it sounds as if the Lord had evil intent, wanted to hurt people, that they deserved such punishment;
- “How are you/are you?” - a question whose answer is obvious is difficult for relatives to hear, because often they do not have the mental strength to maintain small talk;
- “Everything will be fine” is an ephemeral promise that the relatives of the deceased are unlikely to believe in, because the pain is too strong, such words will fall on deaf ears or cause irritation and aggression;
- “I wish you to recover as quickly as possible” - a promise may not be fulfilled, because everyone reacts differently to the death of a loved one, people can be more or less sensitive, someone experiences the loss of a mother, sister, grandson, child very quickly, but others - for years;
- “He was sick for a long time” or “Everything is ahead of you, you will still have time to give birth” - for many, such words may seem blasphemous, because some people are irreplaceable, their loss is irreparable;
- “Everyone experiences this, you’re not the only one” is another way to reduce the importance of what happened, which can cause aggression;
- “The culprit will be punished!” or “You shouldn’t look for someone to blame” - indicating the importance of finding someone to blame or, conversely, minimizing the importance of this event is unacceptable;
- “When/how/where did this happen?” – inappropriate curiosity causes irritation, and relatives only become more closed off from those around them, who behave extremely intrusively;
- “He drank, death is a natural consequence” - pointing out the shortcomings of the deceased is unacceptable when expressing condolences, during a farewell speech and at a wake.
TOP 10 beautiful speeches at funerals
Usually, a funeral speech evokes warm feelings towards the deceased. It is not enough to say standard phrases with feeling. Farewell words at funerals and wakes should be chosen more carefully:
“My dears, please accept my sincere condolences. (Name) was a truly good person, achieved a lot, and always offered his help. He left, but all the good things he managed to do remained, memories of better times. (Name) will remain in our memories and hearts as a wonderful friend, the best family man, and colleague.”
“The news of the death of my son/husband/brother is the most terrible thing that has happened to me recently. I knew him young, strong, energetic. (Name) replaced my relatives, because I am an orphan, although I met him when I was relatively adult. He was a wonderful person, we can all be proud that we knew him and had the honor of living and working nearby.”
“When our parents pass away, there is nothing left between us and the grave. They are our rear, support, help and hope. All the best that happened to us is their merit, because they invested themselves in our upbringing. “I sympathize with all my heart, this is a great grief, but we are there and will support you, perhaps not in the same way as your parents, but also with great love and care.”
“You have lost your half - your husband. He was a wonderful man, I can only imagine how much you loved him and continue to love him. But remember that he always loved you, it would be hard for him to see your suffering. Hold on for the sake of your husband, he is nearby and will be your guardian angel.”
“We can say a lot of words, but (name) is a man of great stature, it is difficult to find epithets to describe his virtues. An honest worker, a father with the broadest soul, a husband whose love is immense for his wife - all these are words about one person. Our grief is enormous, but we are together and will support each other."
“We cry, we mourn with you! The loss of a husband, and especially one like (name), is very difficult to survive. This emptiness in the heart cannot be filled by anything, but I believe that we can handle it, you can handle it, because you still have your back - children, loved ones who are rooting for your family. We will always remember (name), he was a most worthy person!”
“Loved ones do not disappear forever, but only cease to be with us, but they are still there - they protect with an invisible force, protect, support, as we do now - we will honor the memory of (name) as he deserves. (Name) expects support from us: Let’s be strong and not let grief consume us, because he needs our prayers so much now.”
“It’s hard to bury a mother whose children are still so young. It is difficult to find words of support for you, but in this grief you can become a support for each other. The only consolation is that (name) was an integral person, a virtuous woman, and a magnificent mother. She lived, albeit a short, but eventful life, you gave her this feeling of completeness, happiness, boundless love, fidelity. This is how we will remember her."
“Be strong. Your father has reached heights. He wouldn't regret a single minute spent with you. Let us also remember all the warmest things we had in our relationship with him in order to see off our father, friend and husband on his last journey. Today is a sad day for us, but this is the beginning of the journey for him, may (name) rest in peace, he deserved it with a righteous life.”
“The departure of such a person is a great grief that is difficult to survive. (Name) is a good-natured person, very bright, caring. Thanks to this, memories of her continue to give comfort, envelop them in warmth and affection, just like she did during her lifetime. It would seem that it was impossible to love more strongly, but she could. This is a great loss, an example for many."
Common phrases for expressing condolences
You can convey condolences without writing a memorial speech, but using a few meaningful words. Such phrases have become widely known, many are universal:
- for any reason (after the death of loved ones, employees, boyfriend or girlfriend, men, women):
"We mourn with you"
- when you need to express condolences to your colleague’s loved ones:
“We will remember him as a good person (kind, sympathetic, etc.)”
- When a Christian dies they say:
"God rest your soul"
- after the death of a Muslim:
"May Allah grant you patience"
The meaning of the fortieth day
It has a special meaning and there are two explanations for this. Firstly, at this time the spirit travels from the earthly body to eternal life. Secondly, this date marks when the soul comes to say goodbye. People often ask what the soul does after death and how long the spirit of the deceased remains on earth, returning on the fortieth day. We will answer them.
The path after death to the acquisition of eternal existence is quite complex and includes 3 stages:
- 1-3 days . The first is the day of death. During the first three days, the spirit of the deceased comprehends the new state. Ordeals take place near the body. The spirit of the deceased visits places dear to him. He feels shame for the sins he has committed. Then he leaves the earth and goes to heaven.
- 3-9 days . When the spirit leaves home and bodily form, the Guardian Angel escorts him to heaven, protecting him from evil spirits. Then the soul of the deceased appears before the Lord and repents of his sins. This act is given to her with great difficulty, since she must bear responsibility for what she has done before the Most Pure Virgin and the Lord. After the shower, until the ninth day, he gets acquainted with the Kingdom of Heaven.
- 9-40 days . The spirit goes to hell on the ninth day. Here the soul goes through all kinds of temptations. The tests demonstrate how much the spiritual body can control desires and vices.
Thus, the soul of a deceased person after death is not determined until forty days and wanders between heaven and hell. After remembering, she finds peace.
Funeral speeches in different cultures
Different peoples, representatives of different religions and denominations have different rules of remembrance:
- Judaism: they read the Torah, it is believed that this helps the deceased in the afterlife;
- Hinduism: only men are present at funerals; it is customary to read mourning mantras, and they are also pronounced by representatives of the stronger sex (one of the relatives);
- Islam: a funeral prayer is read - janaza, for the repose of the soul - suras from the Koran, the primary duty in this case is a man's, in the absence of other relatives, a woman is allowed to read;
- African peoples: most often celebrate death rather than mourn, because it is believed that this is the liberation of the soul.
Anniversary of death
The Holy Church performs funeral services (Liturgies, memorial services) several times a year. But relatives can privately pray especially on memorial days for the deceased. These include the 3rd, 9th, 40th day, death anniversary.
“Perform the thirds of those who have fallen asleep in psalms, readings and prayers for the sake of the Risen One on the third day, and the tithes in remembrance of those who have fallen asleep here, and the fortieths according to the ancient model, for this is how the people of Israel mourned Moses, and the anniversary in memory of the deceased. And let them distribute from his property to the poor in remembrance of him” (Book of Apostolic Constitutions, 8:42).
It is common for a person to experience a dulling of grief over the years. But this is not a reason not to remember the dead even after many years have passed from the date of death. For Christians there should always be a “day of remembrance”. Therefore, within the family circle, they pray for deceased relatives every day.
“Orthodox Christians do not part with their loved ones even after their death. Every day, remembering the departed in our morning and evening prayers, we fit them into the circle of our lives. It’s as if they suddenly left for a distant land, and we just haven’t seen them for a long time. But at the same time, we hope, we really believe that someday we will definitely meet them. With those whom we love so much, and who love us so much... Because God loves us all” (Priest Andrei Tkachenko).
What to say at a wake: 9, 40 days, six months, anniversary of death
If immediately after the funeral procession all those who came gather to remember the deceased, then on the 9th and 40th days it is enough to invite relatives and close friends. Otherwise, the principle of commemoration is the same. A more emotional coloring of speech is noted at 40 days and 1 year. Funeral words should not be about unrighteous deeds or insults. You can take as a basis a standard sample speech containing an introduction, main part and conclusion.
At a wake, among loved ones, stories with humor are often heard, in which the deceased was a participant, but the meal does not turn into a feast.
What not to say to a bereaved person
No bad things are said about the deceased. If someone who comes to a funeral is going to remember the debts and sins of the deceased, then it is better to refuse the invitation. You cannot remind relatives that:
- death is also their fault (they know this, and they grieve doubly);
- the one who came said that this would happen, but they did not listen to him (more than ugly).
Bad words will turn into a rock, which the soul of the deceased will not be able to go around or fly over. Left hidden behind the rock, she will not see heaven and will remain in hell forever.
Not all people know how to speak sorrowful words, although many sincerely sympathize with the loss. In order not to embarrass yourself at the wake, it is better to write down on paper in advance what exactly you want to say. This will help. They say only good things about the deceased, otherwise everything is at the discretion of those gathered to make a speech.
Features of memorial speeches for 1 year after death
It is not enough to know what to say at the wake; you need to conduct the meal and all the rituals correctly. The speaker and those present follow a number of rules.
Minute of silence
The action requires silence for a certain period of time (often less than 1 minute). Relatives should not talk.
The first word of the head of the family
In almost all religions, the first priority is the funeral speech of the eldest member of the family. This is, first of all, a tribute of respect, and additionally an opportunity to hear wise words. Then they let the others tell it.
But they follow the order: the first-degree relatives speak first, then the second, etc.
The speech is made standing
Only people with disabilities, the sick, and pregnant women are allowed to sit at the table. The rest remember the deceased by making a speech while standing. This is a tribute to the deceased.
Good or nothing about the deceased
When a mourning speech is given at a funeral, farewell words to the deceased, as in the future at wakes, should be said in a positive way. This is how the deceased is honored. The Church prohibits speaking negatively, because God can judge.
Take a couple of candles and flowers with you for remembrance
Flowers are a sign of respect for relatives; they are considered a symbol of attention to the deceased. Candles are a basic religious attribute. You can take a few extra candles in case more guests come than planned.
Funeral candles and flowers
How to choose the right words?
Based on the examples presented above, several basic rules can be identified:
- It is best to address the audience in the introduction. For example: “Dear friends and family of our beloved (name) ....”
- It is necessary to introduce yourself. What does it have to do with not only the name, but also the degree of your acquaintance, relationship: “My name is Alexey, (name) and I have been close friends (colleagues) for many (you can be more specific) years.”
- It would not be amiss to say a few words about your own experiences, about the pain that the announcement of death caused.
- The following words characterize the deceased. Here it is important to remember the old Russian proverb, which perfectly indicates what they say at funerals: “It’s either good or nothing about the dead.”
- In conclusion, condolences or standard, but still relevant memorial words are said: “May he rest in peace,” “Rest in peace,” and so on.
In general, we note that the speech at the wake differs from the one pronounced directly at the funeral. So, at the moment of farewell it is customary to speak very briefly. Here, words of condolences are mainly spoken to the relatives of the deceased.
The funeral speech on the day of the funeral should under no circumstances be a memorized text. A few words from the heart, imbued with sincere empathy, would be more appropriate. In the first days, the relatives of the deceased are unable to perceive reality. The grief they have suffered is too hard for them, so their feelings should be respected.
Memorial words for 40 days, for an anniversary can be more intense. Here they often remember the best about the deceased. But even after time, one should not remember insults, disagreements and quarrels. If you can’t overcome this in yourself, the best thing to do is to remain silent or limit yourself to a couple of standard phrases.
TOP 20 best memorial speeches for the anniversary of death
When choosing words of memory for the anniversary of death, consider the most original, memorable options. The funeral speech from relatives and work colleagues differs not only in form, but also in content. In the first case, the address is more free, personal and sincere; in the second, it is distant, but polite and correct.
From relatives
To remember the deceased, be it father, mother, brother, daughter or son, niece, it is necessary to compose your own version of the speech, since loved ones who pronounce the memorial words first may stumble and will not be able to speak anymore. In this case, any of those present should come to the rescue and continue the speech.
To father from children
“We revered our father all our lives, he was a wise man, with an enlightened soul, brave and with a sense of humor. He gave his best to those around him and, above all, to us, his children. Father should not have died so early, our childhood is connected with him, now we have become adults, there will be no one to come to to ask for advice. But I hope he will guide us."
Candles for the repose
Mothers from children
“Today I’m seeing my mother off. There are no words to convey the depth of sadness. You can say how much I grieve that she is the best person around me, but everything pales in comparison to the kind of mother she was. This is the depth of tenderness itself, an avalanche of love, a sea of energy. She managed everything, went everywhere. This is a whole life that has now been cut short. We remember and love. Forever."
To my sister
“We are opposites, but we never quarreled. I loved silence, and she loved talking, singing, dancing. Very bright and unforgettable. She was a reflection of me, and I of her. It is wonderful to have such a close person among your family. I was lucky, I hope she thought so too. Rest in peace, dear!”
Brother
“You are the closest person to me. It's a pity that we quarreled from time to time. Forgive me, brother, you are a golden man. It’s hard not to pay attention to you, you were so glowing with energy and happiness. And you shared this wealth with those around you, with me. Unforgettable gifts they remained with me. I will remember your lessons, sleep well."
To a son from his parents
“You are our miracle. He was born and immediately began to please everyone. You were loved by your classmates, friends, colleagues, doctors - the list goes on and on. After all, you knew the secret - how to always be happy. And only my father and I saw how much work your life costs you. May heaven bring you relief."
Daughters from parents
“Six months ago we congratulated you on your graduation. Now we need to bury our little girl, our little one. This is how you have always been: fragile, but very affectionate and kind. You are the best thing that happened to us, your parents. Now we are alone, but I believe that you feel good there. Know that your father and I love you, rest in peace."
To grandfather from grandchildren
“We are happy grandchildren, because we had the most incredible grandfather in the world. He knew the right way to say everything on earth. A very smart person, although he did not graduate from university. But his grandson and granddaughter would not have become who they are without this boundless care. Be calm, grandfather, you can be as proud of us as we are proud that we had you.”
Grandmother from grandchildren
“When we got out of bed, you were already on your feet; when we went to bed, you didn’t go to rest yet, you were still busy with something. Thanks to you, we have an example of what a family should be: friendly, strong, big. We will pass on the knowledge that you gave us to our children, and they to theirs. This is the least we can do for you, grandma. Continue to live in our children - your grandchildren, a piece of you in the form of knowledge remains with us.”
Epitaph on the grandmother's monument
Aunt from nephews
“I didn’t come often, forgive me, dear. But you are the light in the window for our family: always calm, but so smiling. And it was you who united our family. Now we are all orphans, may you be as happy in heaven as you and I were, but on earth.”
Uncle from nephews
“You are the second father, our strength. He raised real men from his nephews. Thanks to you, we learned a lot: about fishing, about hiking in the forest, hunting. This is priceless, thank you, dear! Now we ourselves have become experienced, but still no one puts up a tent better than you. Be calm, we will not be lost. We remember your lessons forever, because all your love is in them. Rest in peace, not just an uncle, but a friend and father."
To husband from wife
“I always learned from my husband: silence, patience, unhurried life. He managed to joke, apparently, in the intervals between the minutes of silence. I was always chattering, in a hurry to get somewhere. As it turned out, I didn’t have time - my beloved husband left, and I stayed. Now I have a lot of time to not rush anywhere, to learn to endure pain, the main thing is that I am silent a lot. It is very sad that our aspirations are often fulfilled after death. May God take you to Himself, my dear.”
To the wife from her husband
“I didn’t think that I would have to read the memorial speech first. You left before me, it’s hard to accept, but I try. I think it would be better this way, if I had left first, you would have had a hard time now. Darling, I will suffer for both of us, but you be happy in heaven. Rest in peace, my joy."
Mother-in-law from daughter-in-law
“When I got married, I won the lottery: I ended up with the most cheerful and good-natured mother-in-law in the world. She was a wise woman, very economical. And she did everything easily, no matter what she took on. I loved her like my second mother. I really miss it, especially on holidays, when we all gathered together at our in-laws. It’s rare to have a relationship like this between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law, which is why it’s so valuable.”
To father-in-law from daughter-in-law
“I respect my husband’s family, and my father-in-law is in a special position - a real owner, a family man. He decided a lot himself, so as not to bother anyone, it was an invaluable help. Now, when I give a memorial speech, I hear what places he would have corrected - he loved everything to be beautiful, perfect. The father-in-law did everything in silence when he saw that he was needed. Great person".
To the bride from her lover
“We met at a concert of our favorite artist. Since then, more and more new interests have opened up that unite us. (Name) was my destiny, I feel so. Now I am left alone, this is an irreparable loss, because there is nothing that could fill the emptiness in my soul. I grieve for you, dear. Sleep well!"
To the groom from his beloved
“Now half the world is not there for me. This is a huge grief, I can’t find words. We were very similar to (name), as if we really complemented each other. We were supposed to live our whole lives in perfect harmony, but only I remained. Darling, if you can hear me, I will never be able to forget you. We were together, albeit not for long, and this is already a great happiness.”
Dear friend
“We were friends all our lives, became sisters, but remained friends at the same time. There is no such relationship with anyone. A huge part of my life passed away with my friend. No one can know me better. But I won’t grieve, because (name) was a bright person, she always smiled. She would not like the despondency into which those present at the wake plunge and make speeches. Our dear friend shouldn’t be ashamed of us, we need to cheer up and honor her with smiles.”
To a close friend
“I only have one friend in life. Now he is gone, but I don’t want to look for new acquaintances. (Name) was one of those people who was almost impossible to replace. This is the center of our company: barbecue master, fisherman, poet and singer. All the qualities to successfully find the other half, but he didn’t have time. Stay young and cheerful. This is how we will remember you."
From classmates and classmates
“Giving a speech at a funeral about your peer is a sad occasion to gather. (Name) was a great guy and never said a bad word about anyone. They took advantage of his kindness, but even in this case he found a plus, he believed that this was how his kindness spread throughout the earth, he wanted to make the world a better place.”
From colleagues
“(Name) wasn’t everyone’s favorite, but he didn’t need it. The main joy is family. He always found something to share, something to tell. I was constantly learning something new, learning something. (Name) surprised everyone he knew, but only revealed himself to those closest to him. It’s not easy for us to come to terms with, but for his sake we can do it. Rest in peace".
Death anniversary: why pray for the deceased
Alleviation of the afterlife fate of the soul before the Last Judgment is possible through the prayers of living people. Prayer is the connection between the living and the dead. “God is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for with Him all are alive” (Gospel of Luke 20:38).
“Just like when we visit prisoners, we bring them soft drinks and the like and thereby alleviate their suffering. We also alleviate the suffering of the deceased with prayers and alms that we perform for the repose of their souls. The prayers of the living for the departed and the services performed for their repose are the last opportunity to receive the help that God gives to the departed - before the Second Coming. After the final Judgment, they will no longer have the opportunity to receive help” (St. Paisius the Svyatogorets).
For deceased people, help and support for those currently living on earth is very important. And these are not expensive tombstones or death anniversaries with lavish wakes. They need heartfelt prayer for the repose of their souls, for the forgiveness of sins.
“They come to their senses and ask for help, but they can no longer help themselves. Those who are in hell would like only one thing from Christ: that He would give them five minutes of earthly life to repent. We who live on earth have a reserve of time for repentance. And the unfortunate deceased can no longer improve their situation themselves, but expect help from us. Therefore, we are obliged to help them with our prayer” (St. Paisius the Svyatogorets).
Only the prayers of believers can change the fate of the deceased for the better. According to the testimony of the Holy Fathers, there are many known cases of sinners begging from hell.
In the Alphabetical Patericon (4th-5th century) there is a story about Saint Macarius of Egypt.
“One day, while walking through the desert, he saw a skull lying on the sand and, touching it with a stick, asked: “Who are you?” The skull answered: “I was the priest of the idolaters who lived in this place. And you are Abba Macarius, who has the Holy Spirit within you. When, having mercy on those who are in eternal torment, you pray for them, they receive some relief."
Funeral poems
It is usually difficult to read a funeral speech if it is written in prose. The poetic form is often more suitable:
We know you can't be brought back
Your deeds are an eternal memory,
And only the soul remains with us,
You illuminate our life's path.
Sleep tight, my angel,
Eternity will take you in its arms,
You held on for a long time, steadfastly,
The torment of hell is behind us.
Thank you for being in the world
Thank you for loving me too.
For all the years that we lived together,
I ask one thing - so that you don’t forget.
*
Candle for the repose of the soul of a loved one
This order is unshakable.
The passage of time is eternal.
Let it be quiet and sweet
Your peaceful sleep!
When parents leave
The light in the window goes out forever.
Your father's house will be empty and maybe you will
I dream about it much more often.
Menu for a wake at six months
There is no point in having a feast. The meal should be modest and without excesses. The main dish is sweet kutia. It is usually prepared from boiled rice or wheat with the addition of honey, nuts, raisins, and poppy seeds. Orthodox Christians consecrate the kutya in church before serving it.
The funeral menu often includes the following dishes:
- borscht or noodle soup;
- mashed potatoes with meat;
- cutlets;
- pancakes with honey;
- pies with potatoes, cabbage, mushrooms;
- jelly and compote of dried fruits or berries.
In detail: Funeral dinner: menu, traditions, rules of conduct
Alcohol is strictly prohibited by the church , even if the deceased was a lover of alcoholic beverages. According to many Orthodox priests, drinking vodka or wine not only does not help the soul find the path to salvation, but also increases its suffering and torment.
Funeral toasts
Not knowing what to say at funerals and wakes, they choose texts for speech in the form of poetry. Options for all kinds of toasts:
And in memory of you we will say a toast,
For it to be good there.
And, remembering you, let’s think not about the graveyard,
But only about why you were loved.
You have always been an example to us,
As a person with a pure soul.
And the memory of you is alive -
In the hearts and souls of your loved ones.
*
The grave of a loved one
People close to us leave,
Don't realize it's forever.
The pain of separation cannot be exhausted,
Until we hear “never”.
The Great Tribulation cannot be measured,
Tears won't help my grief.
You are not with us, but forever
You will not die in our hearts.
How we loved, only God knows.
Only we know how we suffered.
After all, we have gone through a whole series of adversities.
But they were never able to overcome death.
Funeral dinner
The funeral meal can take place at home or in a cafe . Most often it is prescribed for the first half of the day. Previously, according to tradition, anyone who wanted to honor the memory of the deceased could come to dinner. Today the situation has changed and people usually do not come without an invitation.
During lunch you need to behave decorously and decently. Those invited usually remember the good deeds and good deeds of the deceased, and pray for the salvation of his soul. When making speeches, it is imperative to mention the name of the deceased. It is allowed to read verses that are appropriate in a given situation.
A collection of epitaphs will help you choose the right words of memory and grief
Reviews
I remember that at the wake after my father’s death, the main thing was food, until our uncle arrived. He is very noisy and cheerful usually, but then he was serious. He gathered everyone and started talking. And it was an incredible memorial speech, so much so that we listened. He spoke beautifully and correctly. The main idea: we can bury dad's body, but he himself (his soul) will remain in our hearts.
Vitaly Makarov
Anna Lavrova
Grandma gave a speech at the wake. My grandfather was in office, so the obituary was published in the newspaper. A crowd had gathered, all in suits. My grandmother gave a funeral speech for a long time and made an official address. Later, when people had left, we were sitting at the table, she sang a song. There was love, and care, and sadness. I still remember. And I didn’t remember the standard phrases that my grandmother said in front of her bosses.
At my sister’s funeral there was no memorial speech as such; everyone was very sad. The father spoke briefly, but could not speak anymore. Then no one could, so they were mostly silent, crying, no one ate anything.
Zhanna Avakyan
Commemoration of the deceased during holidays and fasting
If the commemoration falls during the fasting period, it is better to postpone it until the weekend. This is especially true for Lent, because... These days, the requirements for fasting Christians are especially severe, so it would be right to postpone the funeral meal a little.
If the wake falls six months after the death on the deceased’s birthday or his angel’s day, they can be held in the traditional form. Also, the memorial procedure does not change if it is held during secular and public holidays (including May 9). The dead are commemorated for six months, even on New Year's Day.
Psychologist's commentary on the importance of meeting relatives at a wake
Khalzanova Svetlana Borisovna
Practical psychologist
The collective experience of grief and the delivery of funeral speeches gives more results than trying to cope with it alone. Support, conversations, joint memories of the deceased - all this unites and distracts from the main source of pain. Gradually, people concentrate less on it, relax, and begin to experience their grief. I believe that relatives can gather at the table even every week and make a memorial speech, but not to lament about the deceased, but for support; even an abstract but sincere conversation will help in this case.
