Why is 1 year celebrated after a person’s death? How to remember correctly on this day?

How to create a memory page for parents?

The first anniversary of death is a significant event for friends and family. This is a mourning date on which it is customary to gather, share memories of good deeds and support each other in loss . There are no clear rules for the organization; loved ones choose who to invite and how exactly to arrange the meeting.

Read about the funeral ritual and the features of the 9th and 40th days.

Funeral traditions among Christians

The calendar year, both in the world and in the church, is a time for taking stock. For a Christian, the anniversary of death is not only a day of grief for a loved one, but also a farewell to his soul into eternal life. By this point, the saving dulling of the initial, almost unbearable grief for man living on earth had already occurred. And the soul of the deceased finally got used to a purely spiritual existence and parted with traces of earthly worries.

For a believer, a churchgoer, the main thing in a wake is the opportunity to gather people who are ready to sincerely pray for the deceased. After all, his soul does not need a rich funeral dinner, especially with alcohol. A funeral meal for a Christian is an opportunity to help the soul of the departed with prayer and remember him with a kind word. At such a wake, the sadness of those gathered is light and significantly different from the atmosphere of hopeless grief that reigns at the wake of atheists. Even worse is the frequent transformation of wakes into a feast with copious libations.

The history of the days of remembrance

In Russia, the most widespread religion is Orthodoxy, although the choice of any belief is acceptable. The funeral that most people imagine is a combination of traditions from several cultures. From the point of view of Orthodoxy, on the anniversary one must pray for the soul of the deceased, but more often people simply visit the cemetery and then gather at the table.

According to the accepted rules, only baptized people are commemorated; those who have not undergone the ritual do not have a relationship with God. You also cannot pray for suicides, heretics and non-Orthodox people. Next, we will consider, if a year has passed since the date of death, how to remember a baptized person.

Basic rules for holding a funeral for 1 year

First of all, you need to order services at the church (see below) for the repose. The presence and prayer of the relatives themselves is highly desirable. After all, the priest is only the performer of the ritual and cannot put into it the feelings and emotions experienced by people close to the deceased.

When ordering a memorial service, it is customary to bring food with you and leave it on a special table in the church - bread, cereals, sugar, pasta, sunflower oil or butter, cookies, candies, fruits. After the service and blessing, they are distributed to those in need.

The donation of flour to the church bakery for baking prosphoras and the church - candles, incense, and lamp oil are welcomed.

Those who come to the wake wear discreet clothes in dark colors. Maintaining annual mourning for the deceased is not considered mandatory; it is the personal choice of the relative.

A photograph of the deceased, tied with black mourning ribbon, is placed in a prominent place in the room where the funeral is held.

Is there any point in celebrating the birthday of someone who is not there?

Traditions differ at different times. If previously it was not customary to visit the cemetery when the birthday of the deceased came, today many consider it obligatory to go to the grave several times throughout the year, and not only on memorial days. Usually they bring fresh flowers and tell the deceased about the news that has happened recently. Then they gather at home for a funeral meal.

Opinion of esotericists

Expert opinion

Lantsova Kristina

Esotericist

A connection can be established between the souls of the dead and the living; it is especially strong on memorial days, when relatives come to the grave. For this reason, the ancestors tried not to disturb the dead again. Even if you dream of a dead person, it is better to go to church and order a memorial service to hold it for the repose of the soul of the deceased. It is believed that if you visit a grave, you can attract the soul of the deceased.

Church view

Father Vladimir

Clergyman

A person has 3 birthdays: when the physical body is born, baptism and the date of death. The Church considers the last day to be especially important. The memory of the physical body should not be honored, since it is not original, although it is also valuable. However, after death, it is much more important to celebrate the day when the person died, because that is when the rebirth of the soul occurs. The church does not prohibit visiting the cemetery when the birthday of the deceased occurs. Relatives can visit the grave if there are no restrictions (for example, this should not be done if the date falls on a religious holiday).[/expert_bq]

Funeral dinner

What to cook for the anniversary memorial table

The funeral meal is considered a continuation of the church memorial service. It is not needed by the deceased, but by his family and friends who have returned from the cemetery and church service and are in need of restoration of strength. A funeral dinner with the following dishes on the menu is quite sufficient for this:

• borscht with meat;
• noodles with chicken or mushrooms;
• meat or fish main course;
• pies, pies or pancakes;
• salads, pickles;
• jelly, dried fruit compote, fruit drink or juices.

Relatives and friends of the deceased should not spend most of their energy and resources on organizing a memorial table. Particular attention should be paid to the issue of alcohol. It would be better if he was not at the funeral table at all. Its presence is permissible in limited quantities.

The only established Christian tradition is to prepare kutya and start the meal with it. This is the name of porridge made from whole grains of wheat, barley or rice with the addition of honey, sometimes nuts and dried fruits. Grain is the main component of the dish, symbolizing the eternal life of the soul and its rebirth in a revived body. As Jesus said[1], the grain that falls into the ground must die in order to be reborn to new life. And the sweetness of the porridge symbolizes the bliss of the righteous in heaven.

The following customs are quite common; strictly speaking, they have no Christian basis. A device for the deceased, a glass of water or a soft drink, is placed on the table, and a piece of black bread is placed on top of it. This symbolizes the farewell to the earth of the soul of the deceased.

If the year is celebrated during Lent, then the dishes served can be either lean or fast. The first option is appropriate in families that constantly observe fasting. If among the guests there are many people who are far from church traditions, then both lenten dishes and fast dishes are served.

The food left over after the funeral does not carry any negativity: it can be distributed to guests or the poor. If the arguments of Christians are not perceived by superstitious guests, then there is no point in arguing with them: a wake is not the best place for this.

Poems in memory of the deceased dad from his daughter

I’ll light a candle in the cemetery, let it burn to the ground. And at the grave I’ll whisper, Well, daddy I’ve come! In the cold and damp ground, Are you probably freezing? Get up! Let's go home already! After all, just like we miss you! And stop calling it home, There’s a dull hole in the ground. I want to hug you so much, Brother and Mom too. Well come back! Stop sleeping! Look how the sun is shining! I'll help you get up from there, just let me know! Say it's a joke and we'll laugh together. And let's go home hand in hand, like in childhood!!
***

Again, longing squeezes its paws tightly, digging its claws into the depths of my soul, I miss my dad more and more... Six billion people on earth, But among them - not a single one, believe me, Who could fill this void... I live in the hope of meeting after death, Having crossed Eternity threshold... Fatigue is accumulating more and more... Let melancholy not separate its paws, I remained somewhere there as a baby, And daughters love their dads more...

***

Yes, I’m an adult, I understand everything, but it doesn’t make life any easier! I still miss you terribly! Continuing to love just the same! Continuing to think about daddy, And remember him, the living one. Touching the heart strings, That it will never be lifted. That you will never hear him, that you will never wait for him. He is probably higher than all the clouds, In God's unknown space... He sees us, of course he sees us, And like us, he misses us just as much. He flies after us like an angel, To be at least a little closer to us. Of course, he would like to return, But he will never be able to, In this world he will not wake up, Nothing will warm his heart. And this only makes it more painful, But it’s impossible not to think about him. Every day my soul becomes heavier, And it’s difficult to come to terms with it, daddy. And damned time does not heal, And these wounds do not heal, But the emptiness inside cannot be filled, I’m tired of fighting with myself! I want to give up on everything, forget myself... And return home with a smile. There to see happy faces, And so that daddy is alive again...

***

He was with me. Always and everywhere I laughed, cried and was sad. I will not forget the bottomless eyes. And I know that he loved me. I know, no matter what happened, He always protected me, and only the memory remains of him. And I blame myself for not being able to say goodbye, for not having time to understand that I was destined to part with him, to lose him forever. I know for sure that I deserve it. I couldn't save him. But I loved you madly and I will always love you. He may not hear me now, but I know that he sees how hard the one who called him father breathes without him..

***

Days come, nights go... And the heart cries and calls. You know... somewhere very close to you all the time... my daughter is waiting... And my daughter... holds the name in her heart... Keeping it like a talisman in her chest... And whispers quietly (you will suddenly hear): “I miss you so much.” . .come..." And you will come, having heard as if... And you will protect your sleep... And you will melt away like fog in the morning... And your daughter... will be waiting again. And the nights will follow the days... You can’t tear the melancholy out of your chest... My daughter keeps whispering... very quietly: “I miss you so much.” . .come...

***

When the stars light up in the sky, One of them is yours, I know it... For many years you have been shining with bright light, But here everything is the same, then winter... then summer. The same day and exactly the same way to live... people strive. Tired of tears, your family lives... everything is as usual, but only without you. Tell me, how do you live there in heaven? Is there anger, envy and lies there? This probably doesn’t happen there, and no one knows the cunning and meanness. You found peace there and found shelter for yourself, and you know, here they are waiting for you as before... Let them say that the years heal, the pain erases, But why does the heart ache, there is no strength, from just looking at your portrait. Oh, how short your earthly life was, My best dad, my closest person.

Time does not heal, time is kind, but the heart still hurts as before. I won’t meet you again, I won’t hear you, how are you, my dear daughter?

Unfortunately, we are all not given the opportunity to turn back what we wanted for a long time. Time does not heal, time is in a hurry. It decides all destinies.

We feel sorry for you that we didn’t have time. Everything you wanted in this life. It passed by, but alas, it cannot be returned. I chose the path with the angel on my way.

***

Today is 10 years since my dad passed away... 10 years you have been gone... 10 years... 10 years is an eternity... 10 years without you... 10 years... Only now I understand - forever... How can it be, dad, dear dear You are gone forever, without saying goodbye for 10 years, 10 years... I’ve been suffocating without you for 10 years... Dad, dear, look how we have grown - children and grandchildren! How we want to cling to our chests and forget about separation forever... But now I just go to the grave and close my eyes tiredly... 10 years for a huge misfortune, 10 years to forget - this is not enough...

***

Well, hello, dad. .. here, I came to you early. Sorry I haven't seen you for so long. I'm so confused, I don't know how to move on. Trouble comes after trouble again.

Do you remember, dad, how we celebrated birthdays?! How, rejoicing together, they joked and had fun. How, all the bad weather seemed like an obsession to us. How, together they sent TU to hell to attack.

Your advice, how useful it was - So that I can be the strongest in this world. Believe me, I learned from them like the ABC’s. I was able to teach my children using them.

Also, you, dad, taught me not to cry. Don't give in to your destiny for anything. And if it’s difficult, you should never fall. And in this life, do not be afraid of anything.

Ehhh. .. if only I knew how much I miss you! A tear fell! (I promised no tears). From the heart to the earth, flowing through the soul. To you, my dear, through the chamomile churchyard

***

The wind is blowing through the windows. dries wet eyelashes. How we miss you! to forget on your shoulder, an irretrievable loss. as if my soul had been broken... I still can’t believe that you are somewhere in stardust. There is pain in the heart of memories. and lilac shadows In indifference of touch I lie down on my knees. The wind blows through the windows. it comes from you. And you are missing in this world...not enough....

***

How hard it is in the world to lose loved ones. Nothing can replace parental roots. When my dad died, it was so hard! And the pain in my soul remains, Even though many years have passed. He rarely comes in dreams, But in my thoughts I see His distant portrait. The earth protects him, His soul flies in the distant skies, He watches over me With love and tears. Sometimes I miss His support so much, But my heart knows: He is in heaven, not in the fire. I really want to snuggle up to HIS big CHEST and enjoy the meeting. Just like in childhood, with all my heart! To hear his voice, affectionate, dear, both strict and angry, so parental. How precious are the moments of all our sweet meetings, And these meetings can kindle the fire of the soul. This fire will help, Give me strength to live. Father! Come to the meeting At least in my dream!

You are now beyond the heavenly line My beloved, dear man Death with a merciless, harsh hand Took you away, dad forever

You won’t give me advice. I won’t see your loving gaze. I won’t be warmed by you. Who is to blame for your death?

No! Nobody! It just happened that you are in the arms of God now. My life has changed without you, My heart has become like a wounded animal...

Without you, it beats differently And sadness tears it into pieces My heart yearns and cries My soul is tightly squeezed in a vice...

I will not disturb your peace with a tear. I will live in bright memory. I have learned to listen to silence and love you endlessly...

***

Hello, dad, dear... how are you there?.. The most loving man in the world.. You know, if you count the years, you would have wrinkles now...

I would kiss them jokingly or whine in my sleeve when I feel bad. You would whisper that the years fly by, but I’m still such a fool...

I stopped dreaming about you completely. If you don’t come, tell me, is this necessary? Give me a message when it’s raining - how are you there?.. - I’ll be desperately glad to hear it.

I’ll tell you how I live, What I write, who I don’t look forward to meeting again... And that I’m barely staying afloat, Still hoping that “time will heal.”

And it ticks rhythmically to the beat, It takes a long time to sew the seams - not for the weak. You know, if you count the years... Gray hair would suit you very well...

What to say at a 1 year funeral

As a rule, many relatives and friends of the deceased gather for the hour. Naturally, among them there may well be people who are far from the faith. We must try to ensure that they do not determine the tone of the funeral meal. Especially if the person being remembered was a sincere believer. Atheists may not participate in prayer, but they must respect the feelings of those praying. Idle and loud conversations, and especially disputes, are completely inappropriate.

In addition to prayers, memorial words for the anniversary of death mainly refer to the good deeds of the deceased during earthly life.

How not to celebrate the birthday of the deceased

If the relatives have already found the answer to the question of whether the deceased’s birthday is celebrated in Russia (this can be done if desired), the next step is to decide how to organize this event. Prohibitions on the birthday of the deceased:

• have fun;
• bring alcohol, cigarettes or food to the grave (only kutya is allowed);
• leave gifts for the deceased: the soul does not need things, all that is needed is prayers;
• strongly express grief: many people associate visiting a cemetery with grief, so people do not allow themselves to feel peace next to the grave of a loved one; one should not grieve when the birthday of the deceased comes.

Flowers for the grave

Visit to the cemetery

After participating in a memorial service in church, Orthodox Christians usually visit the grave of the deceased. It is in keeping with Christian traditions to place an even number of fresh, rather than artificial, flowers on it. Real flowers symbolize the fact that God has everyone alive, and their even number represents the completion of earthly life.

Visiting the cemetery is overgrown with many superstitions that have no Christian basis:

• go to the cemetery exclusively in the first half of the day, supposedly to meet the souls of the dead, who are present there only at this time;
• do not enter the cemetery through the main gate through which the dead are transported: after all, they are also transported along the streets along which we never stop walking;
• fear of any objects from the cemetery: they are just objects;
• leaving food at the grave for the deceased: another thing is to address it to the poor with a request to pray for him;
• drink at the grave or pour vodka on it.

The dead await the Last Judgment

In anticipation of the general resurrection and God's final judgment, the human soul finds the bliss and pleasure of heaven or is subjected to torment in hell. Moreover, the Church recognizes the existence of heaven and hell as real. However, they are not material, but spiritual in nature.

“Since passions are not natural to the soul, but enter into it through our love of sin, then, because of this very unnaturalness, they will torment and burn the soul. Passions: these are the internal thirsts, kindlings, lusts of the sin-loving soul; If you satisfy them, they will remain silent for a while, and then again, with even greater force, they demand satisfaction for themselves and do not give rest until they receive it. In the same world there will be nothing to satisfy them, because all objects of passion are earthly objects. They themselves will remain in the soul and will demand satisfaction for themselves, and since there is nothing to satisfy them, the thirst will become stronger and more tormenting. And the longer the soul lives, the more it will languish and be tormented by unsatisfied passions; this incessant torment will continue to grow and grow, and there will be no end to this growth and intensification. This is hell! Envy is a worm, anger and rage are fire, hatred is gnashing of teeth, lust is pitch darkness” (St. Theophan the Recluse).

Is it possible to remember the deceased on an anniversary earlier or later?

It is recommended that all memorial events be held on the day of the death anniversary, and not before or after. It is especially undesirable to do this earlier: after all, a year ago on this day the person was still alive. A day later – it’s possible. It is permissible to hold a memorial service on weekends after the anniversary date that falls on a church holiday or Holy Week. But holding a meal later does not mean postponing other components of the wake - visiting and ordering prayer in church and giving alms.

The fate of the human soul after death

After the death of a person, the immortal soul lives separately from the body. The final decision about her afterlife, according to the teachings of the Church, will be made at the Last Judgment. But on the 40th day after death, a private trial (preliminary) takes place.

“On the 40th day after death, the location of the soul in eternity is determined until the Last Judgment. This is called "private judgment" when God determines the place where the soul will be. The prayers of the living for a departed person are especially needed if unrepentant sins are such that there is no room in the soul for a bright eternity. Then we can actively help the newly deceased. That is, prayer, alms in memory of him, good deeds, participation in the sacraments.

A private trial involves a person meeting with himself. With himself as he was called to be in God’s plan for him. When these horizons of holiness and grace are opened to a person, he becomes ashamed of the way he came to this judgment. For all your falls and passions, baseness and self-justification. For the time lost and the people erased from his heart, whom he was called upon not to reject, but to warm with his love and attention. Demons lay claim to his soul. Angels protect her” (hieromonk Dmitry Pershin).

What do they order in church on the anniversary of death?

Offering prayers to God is the duty of the living to the dead. Funeral prayers in church contribute to the remission of sins of the deceased and the peace of his soul. You can order a memorial during the following church services:

• liturgy;
• funeral services;
• lithium;
• psalms.

Liturgy

During the main Christian service, the deceased are mentioned three times - during the proskomedia, during the consecration of gifts and at the funeral litany.

Proskomedia, or offering, is the first stage of the liturgy, during which sacred actions are performed on bread and wine to prepare them for the sacrament of the Eucharist. The fifth prosphora (ritual bread) is funeral. During its consecration, the names of the deceased are read out. This also happens during the main part of the liturgy - the consecration of the Holy Gifts - and at the funeral litany.

Memorial service

This church service is most often ordered by relatives of the deceased. In addition to the church, it can be held by a priest in the house of the deceased or in a cemetery. We are talking about a church funeral service, which should not be confused with a civil one.

Lithium

This funeral service is shorter than a funeral service. Its obligatory attribute is cups with kutya near the canon (place for funeral candles) of the church. At the end of the litiya, the kutya is consecrated and distributed. This service can also be held at a cemetery, where a priest is invited.

Psalter

As you know, the psalter is a collection of psalms (hymns), most of which were written by the Jewish king David. The psalms are believed to have great spiritual power and help souls overcome demons. In addition to church, the reading of the psalter can be ordered to a priest at home.

The mentioning of the names of the deceased should be preceded by the transfer of notes to the priest with their names. Churches sell special books for such notes. Due to the large number of those commemorated, they do not always get their turn. In such cases, a relative participating in a church service can read a prayer for the repose of the soul of the deceased independently.

Strictly speaking, church services should be ordered for the repose of people who were baptized and churched in earthly life. Church funeral services for suicides are prohibited. These include those who died from a drug overdose. There is a special akathist for suicides, which their relatives can read.

[1] “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; and if it dies, it will bear much fruit.” (John 12:24)

[2] “O God, the merciful Lord, remembering the anniversary of the death of Thy servant N (Thy servant N), we ask You to honor him (her) with a place in Thy Kingdom, grant blessed peace and bring him into the radiance of Thy glory. Lord, look mercifully on our prayers for the soul of Thy servant N (Thy servant N), whose anniversary of death we remember; We ask You to number him (her) among the host of Your saints, grant forgiveness of sins and eternal peace. Through Christ our Lord. Amen".

Death is a continuation of life

In man, two natures are combined: material (body) and spiritual (soul and spirit). As long as these two principles are in unity and interconnection, a person lives. But everyone’s earthly life sooner or later ends in death (separation of the soul from the body). So the anniversary of death and the prayers associated with it are relevant for everyone.

Death befalls anyone, regardless of nationality, place of residence, social status in society, or material well-being. This is a consequence of the fall of the first people (Genesis 2:17). Man was originally created for immortal life. But the violation of God’s commandment about the forbidden fruit was a consequence of a proud desire for independence from the Creator. This was a manifestation of the inner desire to be like a god.

“In the day that you eat of them, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like gods, knowing good and evil” (Genesis 3:5).

Prayer for the departed

Man's alienation from God has deprived him of God's grace. To prevent man from remaining in this state forever, death entered the world.

“The man suffered death, but even in this case God showed him a great benefit, precisely by not leaving him to remain in sin forever. God expelled man from paradise, as if into exile, so that man, within a certain time, would cleanse his sin and, admonished by punishment, be returned to paradise again. If a defect is discovered in a vessel just made, it is refilled or remade so that it becomes new and whole; the same thing happens to a person in death. For this reason, he is crushed by its power, so that during the resurrection he may appear healthy, that is, pure, righteous and immortal” (St. Theophilus of Antioch, 2nd century).

What dishes to prepare for Lent?

A common Lenten memorial dish during Christmas or Lent is cabbage soup.

How to cook delicious lean cabbage soup with mushrooms?

1. First you need to cook broth from mushrooms (about 2 liters).
2. Next, pour about 0.5 kg of sauerkraut with boiling water (about half a liter) and put it in the oven for half an hour at a temperature of 140 degrees.
3. Then pour in a few tablespoons of sunflower oil, add some dill and coriander seeds.
4. Heat this mixture for about five minutes, but do not fry!
5. After this, remove the seeds and add two chopped onions to the oil along with the cabbage.
6. Next you need to pour a small amount of buckwheat (2-3 tablespoons) into our broth.
7. We also add one carrot and two potatoes, after cutting the vegetables into cubes. Cook for half an hour.
8. At the end, add finely chopped garlic (amount to taste), onion and cabbage to the broth. Cook for 20-30 minutes. Lenten cabbage soup is ready.

Reference! Wednesday and Friday of each week are considered fast days, since on Wednesday Christ was betrayed and crucified on Friday, so the funeral table on these days should be modest.

Prayers for the repose of the soul of the deceased in Orthodoxy

There are special prayers for different occasions. This allows you to better formulate your own thoughts, direct them in the right direction, share your pain, make it clear what you need and how to help your loved one. But you can address the Lord and the Saints in your own words.

Prayer up to 40 days

They turn to the Heavenly Father, the Son of God Jesus Christ. There are different prayers, they are chosen taking into account what relative they are asking for: if the parents, child, etc. have died.

Prayer after 40 days

Turn to the Lord. You should read the Psalter at home, and order Sorokoust in church.

Prayer for a year after death

They read the Troparion, tone 8, asking for the repose of a loved one. They glorify the Lord in prayer.

Prayer for husband

Turn to Jesus Christ. The prayer text is quite long; it should be written on a piece of paper, as it will be difficult to learn right away. Moreover, it is recommended to read it in front of the icon of the Most Holy Mother of God, who survived the death of her son and his resurrection, which means it will give strength to accept the sad situation and survive it.

Prayer for a wife

When reading the prayer text, turn to Jesus Christ. You can say it in front of one of the icons that depicts the Savior.

Prayers for the repose of parents: mother, father

You can turn to the Lord Jesus Christ, and there are prayer texts for each of the parents: father, mother. You can recite the text in front of any icon of the Savior.

Prayer for children

There are special prayers to help your daughter and son. When reading, they turn to Jesus Christ, but you can read the prayer text in front of the icon of the Savior and the Mother of God.