We were raised in Orthodoxy. Little girls also imagine not only marriage, but also a wedding. One seems inseparable from the other.
But in life anything happens. And so, the groom turned out to be a Muslim. Is marriage with him possible? On the Internet, many girls ask this question.
The question is, can a Christian woman marry a Muslim?
Obviously, it is possible from the point of view of law and moral principles. But what is the reaction of the Orthodox Church to this? Will her marriage be recognized without a wedding? Is it possible to maintain devotion to both the church and love? Let's figure it out.
Marriage between a Christian and a Muslim is not a sin, but it faces many difficulties
For an Orthodox woman, marriage to a Muslim is not a sin.
The marriage of an Orthodox person with a non-Orthodox person is a true marriage if both strive for love and remain faithful before God. Archpriest Vladimir (Golovin) speaks about this in the video:
But the priest warns that it is difficult to avoid problems when there are differences of culture and religion in the family. He also warns against problems of education - after all, each tradition approaches this issue in its own way.
Archpriest Andrei Fedosov also claims that the Orthodox Church recognizes marriage with a Muslim if he is officially recognized by the state. And if someone claims otherwise, he is simply incompetent in such matters.
However, at the same time, Archpriest Vladimir (Golovin) warns Orthodox Christians. The Muslim tradition is different from the one we are used to.
They have their own rules for communication between men and women. Not every woman will find it acceptable to always be behind her husband, not look men in the eye, etc. More about this in the video:
What does the Bible text 1 John 4:7-8 say?
The Apostle John wrote this letter in a context where Christianity was under attack by Gnosticism, a heresy that attempted to confuse Greek philosophy with Christian teaching. According to the Gnostics, Christians were divided into spiritual and carnal and the Gnostics believed that they were spiritual because they received this mysterious "gnosis", and they considered other Christians to be carnal and were wary of them under the pretext that they could become carnal, or that the flesh is not has nothing to do with spirit. Thus, John writes that a believer who truly knows God also loves his Christian brother, and one who does not love his brother cannot claim to be a Christian, no matter how spiritual he considers himself to be.
“Beloved! let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God; Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love” (1 John 4:7-8).
The continuation of this passage reads:
God's love for us is proven by the fact that God sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might have life through Him. And love does not mean that we did not love God, but He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Beloved! If God loved us so much, we should love each other . No one has ever seen God: if we love each other , then God abides in us, and His love is perfect in us. (1 John 4:9-12)
Christians are not prohibited from marrying Muslim women, but the Islamic side will not approve of such a marriage
Accordingly, a Christian can marry a Muslim woman, from the point of view of Orthodoxy. But there is a problem. The Muslim side will not approve of such a marriage. Read more about this in a quote from Archpriest Mikhail Samokhin:
“Marriage is possible if your girlfriend converts to Christianity and raises your children in the Orthodox faith.
It seems to me almost impossible to obtain consent for such a marriage from the parents,
who are practicing Muslims, since the Koran categorically prohibits Muslim women from marrying non-Muslims.
If you are a believing Christian, then you probably imagine that differences in faith can become the basis for problems in your future family life.
In any case, our future eternity depends on the correctness of our faith,
and therefore right faith is the greatest value,
which must under no circumstances be betrayed, and which must be preserved in all circumstances.”
Mikhail Samokhin
archpriest
What does an interfaith union look like from the outside?
The attitude towards interfaith marriages in society is quite ambiguous. On the one hand, it is clear that the union is concluded out of love, since young people sometimes have to overcome the condemnation of the older generation (and it undoubtedly exists), adapt to each other, change habits and traditions.
The older generation often has a negative attitude towards such marriages, since grandparents understand that sometimes even the strongest love is broken by everyday problems, especially if this is aggravated by cultural and religious disputes.
But that part of society that is tolerant of such marriages, on the contrary, is sure that since deciding on an alliance with a representative of another faith is not always easy, young people are ready for difficulties, and love will simply pass additional tests and become even stronger.
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Islam does not recommend that a Muslim marry a Christian, but it does not prohibit him either
Is it possible for a Muslim to marry a Christian? What does Islam say about this? Yes, it’s not advisable, but it’s possible.
Mufti (theologian in Islam) Suhail Tarmahomed answers this question this way:
“It is unacceptable for a Muslim to marry a non-Muslim woman and vice versa,
the only exception is for marriage with a Christian or Jewish woman,
such a nikah will be valid. لا هن حل لهم و لا هم يحلون Meaning:
“They (non-believing women) are not permitted to them (Muslims) and those (non-believing men) are not permitted to them (Muslim women)” (Quran, Sura 60, verse 10).
The only exception to this rule is marriage to women who are People of the Book (Ahlul-Kitab).
Although such a marriage (on a Jewish or Christian woman) is considered undesirable, the nikkah itself will be valid if the marriage was performed according to Islamic law.
Therefore, if the husband grants talaq (divorce) to this woman, the divorce will be valid.”
Suhail Tarmahomed
mufti
Breaking the Shackles
In our time, the topic of Muslims wanting to marry Christian women from our churches is, unfortunately, becoming very relevant. More and more pastors and ministers come to me with a question: a girl wants to marry a Muslim, what should I tell her so that she does not do this? What should you pay attention to? What arguments to choose? In other words, how to convince a girl not to marry a Muslim?
So, I have divided the arguments into three main sections: religious, ethical-moral and cultural. The article is written in the first person, as if you are already having a conversation with the girl.
Religious arguments against marriage between Christians and Muslims.
1. The first thing I would like to draw your attention to is that in Islam, women and men are not treated equally, not only in marriage, but also in everyday life. A man is ALWAYS superior to a woman in all aspects of life. The wife must be completely subordinate to her husband in everything. A wife should not argue with her husband, contradict him; his opinion is always more important. Although he, often, will not even ask your opinion. He, and he alone, decides ALL family issues, from where to live, how to live, what to buy, who to be friends with, and ending with when to have sexual relations. And you have no right to refuse him, citing a headache or fatigue. If he wants intimacy, you must immediately submit to him. It's not even discussed.
“Your wives are arable land for you. Come to your arable land whenever and however you wish.” (Quran 2:223)
“If a man is in the mood to have sexual intercourse with his wife, she should come immediately, even if she is baking bread at the oven.” (Hadith Tirmidhi, r 428)
In other words, if you want to marry a Muslim, you can forget about equality in the family, and leave your own opinion with your parents at home; you could tell them that you are already an adult and decide for yourself what to do. A Muslim husband, to put it mildly, will not like such statements.
“A woman has no control over her body. Even her milk belongs to her husband.” (Hadis Bukhari. r 27)
“A woman is prohibited from spending money without her husband’s permission, including giving food to the needy or to friends.” (Hadith Tirmidhi, r 265)
2. If suddenly the thought flashes through your mind that you might disobey your husband, then the Koran says unequivocally that if the wife does not obey her husband, he can educate her: first by persuasion, then not to go to bed with her, and if this doesn't work, he can BEAT his wife. Yes, yes, the Koran allows you to raise your hand against a woman . Although he says that this does not need to be done very strongly. How is that “not very strong”? Who decides whether this is good or bad?
Therefore, when walking down the aisle with a Muslim, ask yourself the question: are you ready to receive blows from him? Know that according to the Koran and Sharia, he can beat you as he sees fit.
“And those women whose disobedience you fear, admonish them, avoid them from the marital bed and beat them. If they are submissive to you, then do not look for a way against them. Verily, Allah is Exalted, Great." (Quran 4:34)
“You have the right [to demand] that they do not allow anyone who is disgusting to you to set foot on your bed; and that they should not commit any open indecency. If they do this, then Allah allows you to lock them in separate rooms and beat them, but not hard. If they abstain from [evil], then they have the right to food and clothing in accordance with custom. Treat women well, for they are [like] your livestock, owning nothing.” At-Tabari, volume 9, pp. 112-113
Muhammad said before his death: “Always treat your wives well, for they are like captives in your hands, and you have no right to anything else, unless they do something obviously indecent. If they allow something like this, then do not share a bed with them and beat them, but not cruelly, and if they begin to obey you, then do not do anything against them. Indeed, you have a right over your wives, and your wives have a right over you. You have the right to demand from them that they do not allow those you do not like to sit on your beds, and do not allow those you do not want to see to enter your houses. As for your wives, they have the right to demand from you that you dress and feed them well.” At-Tirmidhi 104
You can read more about wife beating in Islam by following the link by clicking wife beating in Islam
or by watching this video:
3. Any Muslim can take FOUR wives. I think you knew this.
“If you are afraid that you will not be fair to orphans, then marry other women you like: two, three, four.” (Quran 4:3)
And no matter how much your Muslim fiancé swears to you that you will be his only wife, the possibility, purely hypothetically, of taking a second, third or fourth wife ALWAYS remains with him. Remember this if you suddenly have a fight, get old, get fat, or he just wants variety. But, most likely, in order to continue the lineage of his nation, he will still take a second wife from his people.
4. According to the teachings of Muhammad, most women go to AD because they are ungrateful to their husband for his blessings. It is the husband’s goodwill, whether he is satisfied with you as a wife, that according to Islam is one of the main arguments for allowing you into heaven. And paradise itself, according to Islam, is a purely male community, designed to satisfy all his desires. Besides all kinds of food and plenty of wine (which won't give you a headache), there will be thousands and thousands of GURIES - beautiful girls created by Allah to satisfy the sexual desires of your spouse in paradise. They will all be virgins, their virginity will be renewed every morning. Their breasts will not hang down from time to time, they will have “appetizing vaginas” and a beautiful body (sorry if I confused you, but I didn’t come up with that).
Why am I writing all this? Yes, because your husband, being intimate with you, will live in the future expectation of the pleasures of heaven. Every time he is not satisfied with intimacy with you, he will in his imagination draw fictitious pictures of houris and future pleasures with them.
“It is reported that Ibn 'Abbas, may Allah be pleased with them both, said:
- Once the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Hell was shown to me,
and it turned out that most of its inhabitants were women who showed ingratitude.” He was asked: “They did not believe in Allah?” He replied: “They were ungrateful towards their husbands and did not give thanks for the benefits (which were shown to them). If you do good to one (of these women) for a long time, and then she sees something from you (that she doesn’t like), she will (surely) say: “I have never seen anything good from you!”
This hadith was reported by al-Bukhari 29, Muslim 907, Abu Dawood 1181, an-Nasai 3/127.
“One day (people) asked: “O Messenger of Allah, will we be intimate with our wives in Paradise?” He replied: “Verily, a man will get close to a hundred virgins a day!”” Hadith 367 of al-Silsilah al-sahih. The hadith was narrated by Abu Nu'aim in Syfatul-jannah (1/169) and ad-Diya in Syfatul-jannah (2/82) along the path of at-Tabarani with his two isnads from Husayn ibn 'Ali al-Ju' fi, narrated from Zaida, narrated from Hisham ibn Hasan, narrated from Muhammad ibn Sirin, narrated from Abu Hurayrah
Ethical and moral arguments against marrying Muslims.
1. Muslims very, very often lie, deceive and cheat. And the worst thing is that the Koran allows them to do this. Sometimes it’s not so much the Koran as there are a lot of hadiths that prescribe in what cases they can lie. In short:
a) to reconcile husband and wife in a quarrel
b) to reconcile friends in a quarrel
c) when your life is in danger
d) to spread Islam.
We are interested in the first point. In other words, your husband can ALWAYS lie to you on any occasion so that there is no scandal. For example, he was gone all night, he spent it with a good girl or with friends, but he will never tell you the truth. Because he doesn't want a scandal. He won't tell you the truth how much he earns; will not say what he and his friend decided about the future “fishing”; won't say where he was or what he did. There will always be a shadow of lies and deceit in your relationship. Total lies and everyday deception. Even in small things. “Maybe it’s good that he wants to avoid arguing with me,” you might think. But... He will still swear, but not where he did something or made a mistake, but where YOU are to blame or did something wrong. He will ALWAYS cover up his sins with lies and deception.
“Allah has established for you a way to free yourself from your vows. Allah is your Patron. He is the Knowing, the Wise." (Quran 66:2)
2. Treason. According to Sharia, adultery between a husband and his wife is punishable by stoning. But... one condition: both husband and wife must be Muslims. I said above that a Muslim can officially have 4 wives. However, if a Muslim man sleeps with a non-Muslim woman, this is not adultery or treason. A Muslim is allowed to have countless “concubines”, or according to the Koran, “slaves”, or in our language, mistresses, the main thing is that she is NOT a MUSLIM. Therefore, your future Muslim spouse will always be able to spend time with a Christian, Jewish or even an atheist. THIS IS NOT CONSIDERED CHANGE. Of course, your fiancé will deny the truth of this information, but all this is permitted in the Koran and Hadith, respectively, purely hypothetically, he can use this permission when he is on a business trip or you have ordinary women’s days or just want variety.
“If you are afraid that you will not be fair to orphans, then marry other women you like: two, three, four. If you are afraid that you will not be equally fair to them, then be content with one or the slaves that your right hands have taken possession of.” (Quran 4:3)
3. The passport of most Muslim countries has a “religion” column. And religion is based on the father. Accordingly, if your chosen one is a Muslim, then your children will automatically be Muslims according to their documents , with all the ensuing consequences. You will not be allowed to take your children to church, to Sunday School, or simply read the Gospel to them. And even if your husband says that he, supposedly, will not forbid you to do this, then his relatives, the law, the police, informers from among your “friends”, in other words, all other Muslims will be AGAINST your converted Muslim children to Christianity. They will influence your husband until he gives in and forbids you. They will influence you, including criminal prosecution. They will influence children, turning them against you. Until one of you gives up.
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4. You will never be able to take your children out of a Muslim country without your husband's permission. If suddenly your family life begins to fall apart at the seams, according to the legislation of most Muslim countries, children remain with their father, and not with their mother. At any moment he can take the children and simply throw you out into the street and he will be right according to the law.
Arguments from the category of cultural differences.
1. Family ties.
A Muslim must be kind and generous to his parents in order to gain Allah's favor. (Quran 31:14; 46:15)
In the first place, a Muslim should fear Allah and in the second place, respect family ties (Quran 4:1). Immediate relatives - parents, brothers, sisters, uncles and nephews - are more important to a Muslim than anyone else. But wives are in third place in terms of the value of connections. Those. in the first place are relatives, in second place are brothers in faith, and in third place are wives. Wives are valued less than a Muslim's blood relatives and his religious community. (Quran 33:6).
Although the wife's authority in the eyes of relatives increases if she gives birth to a son. Then they begin to respect her. And, her position as a woman remains, as before, insignificant, but the more sons she gave birth to for the family, the more her status rises as one who can bear and give birth to male children.
What does this mean for you as a future Muslim wife? No matter how hard you try, you will never become your husband’s family. NEVER. They will always perceive you as a stranger, even if they don't show it clearly. Although, more often than not, this is clearly shown.
2. Well, the last thing I want to draw attention to is divorce.
In most cases, the husband can file for divorce. And this is done quite easily and for various reasons. For example.
- constant demands for new clothes and jewelry are considered a reason for divorce (Quran 33: 28-29)
- renunciation of Islam by one of the spouses (Koran 2:22; 4: 127-130; 60:10)
- if a man gets everything he wanted from his wife, he has the right to send her away (Quran 33:37).
- if a person says that he is divorcing his wife forever, the divorce is considered final (Quran 2: 227; 65: 2).
— according to Islam, a Muslim believes that, anyway, every divorce is determined by Allah (Koran 65:3), so if a Muslim wants to get a divorce, then this has already been predetermined by Allah.
And these are just the first reasons taken offhand. And there can be many of them.
Finally, I want to show a video summarizing all these points and encourage you to think again and pray to the Lord about your feelings towards a Muslim. “Love comes and goes, but ....” the consequences remain, and sometimes very tragic. Life cannot be returned back; it cannot be undone if you make a mistake. And who knows that it would be better to be left without a husband in life than to experience such “happiness”. Although I am sure that God knows everything and maybe He has already prepared a good, God-fearing Christian to be your husband. Don't push His grace away. Blessings to you, sister.
Consequences
Mixed marriages between representatives of different religious faiths can sometimes lead to certain not very pleasant consequences:
- the emergence of disagreements and conflicts due to inconsistencies between cultures, perceptions of reality, and approaches to raising children;
- misunderstanding and condemnation from others. Moreover, not only neighbors or acquaintances, but also distant relatives, and sometimes even the closest people can reproach;
- if a husband and wife lived in different countries before marriage, then one of them will have to move and, therefore, go through all the difficulties of immigration;
- A person who moves to another country may also encounter difficulties in solving legal problems, health issues, and so on.
But in any case, such marriages also have positive sides. Interfaith unions teach tolerance, understanding of other traditions and cultures, and also contribute to the normalization of relations between countries and ethnic groups.
Rings
Important! According to Sharia rules, Muslim wedding rings must be only silver, without precious stones. For men, this condition is still mandatory today, but women are allowed gold.
Jewelry companies offer a variety of wedding rings for nikah, the main decoration of which are words and phrases praising Allah. They can be inscribed on both the internal and external surfaces of the decoration. Small, “modest” diamonds are increasingly sparkling on women’s rings.
Ceremony in the mosque
It is advisable to schedule the wedding ceremony for Friday evening. Typically, Muslims perform nikah a few days before the secular marriage registration procedure.
Fees
It all starts with the fact that each of the future spouses, while still at home, completely washes their body and puts on formal attire. In this case, the bride’s dress is long, closed and not tight-fitting, and the headdress (veil or scarf) completely covers the hair. For this reason, Muslim brides are spared the need to spend long hours at the hairdresser on the eve of the ceremony.
As for the groom's suit, modern men do not attach special importance to it, often choosing the usual “two-piece”. Recently, there has been a tendency to order a special frock coat, which is paired with classic trousers and shoes.
A prayer is offered in the parental home, the newlyweds ask and receive the blessings of their father and mother, after which the bride and groom, each accompanied by their parents, go to the ceremony. Traditionally, the nikah ceremony takes place in a mosque, but it is not forbidden to get married at home, where a representative of the clergy is specially invited.
Ceremony
The ceremony begins with a sermon given by a mullah or imam.
Further:
- prayers follow for the happiness and well-being of the new family;
- the mahr is voiced, which the girl often receives right there;
- the groom prays for the good of his future wife and her protection from evil forces.
Having received mutual consent from the newlyweds, the mullah announces the marriage, after which the spouses exchange wedding rings. At the end of the ceremony they are given a special certificate.
Henna night
An Islamic woman has the right to marry more than once, but the night of henna occurs only once , 1-2 days before the first nikah. It symbolizes the girl’s separation from her father’s house and unmarried friends, and also means the beginning of a new life in the status of a wife, a married lady. Essentially, “henna night” is a bachelorette party.
According to tradition, the gathered women sing sad songs, and the bride cries. It is generally accepted that the more tears shed that night, the more successful and happier the upcoming marriage will be. In former times, marriage really gave reason for crying, because the young woman was separated from her family for a long time (sometimes forever). She was worried about moving to her fiancé's family, whom she might not even know.
A lot has changed now. The brides are no longer sad, but openly rejoice, singing and dancing. Often, “henna night” takes place in a restaurant with cheerful music, and competitions are held for the bride and her bridesmaids.
The traditional Muslim ritual opens with the “lighting of henna.” The groom's mother brings in a beautiful tray with henna and burning candles. This symbolizes the ardent mutual love of the future newlyweds. The bride's friends and relatives are present at the event - dressed up, with beautiful hairstyles. The hero of the occasion, as expected, is dressed in a luxurious red dress, and her head is covered with an elegant red veil. Guests sing songs and dance.
The future mother-in-law places a gold coin in the palm of her son's bride and holds it tightly. At this moment the girl must make a wish. The hand is painted with henna and a special red bag is placed on it.
Then all the women present are decorated with patterns from the henna mixture. An ornate design is usually applied to the hands. It is believed that this contributes to a happy marriage and long family life. Unmarried young girls prefer a small ornament, often applying paint only to the tips of their fingers - this is how they emphasize their modesty and innocence. Older women and those who already have a family richly paint their palms, hands, and sometimes feet.
