In this article we will tell you:
- Types of bosses
- Boss behavior
- How to behave correctly
- 2 behaviors during a conversation
- 12 indirect methods of influence
- What not to do
- How to avoid conflicts with your boss
Good relationships with superiors are the key to successful career growth. There are many people who do not know how to communicate correctly with their boss. And how to put your boss in his place if the situation becomes unpleasant. When the boss does not restrain himself, he begins to publicly insult his subordinate and take advantage of his position.
Not everyone likes to hear reproaches in their direction and endure boorish attitude towards themselves. What to do in this situation? More on this below.
All types of bosses
Some people are born with the quality of a leader, while others have to learn this quality for many years. A competent leader must be confident, sociable, organized and stress-resistant.
If the work structure is collapsing and clashes regularly occur in the team, it is worth thinking about the professionalism of the boss. There may be a good prospect of taking his place.
Inept bosses not only stop the company's progress, but also destroy relationships within the team.
Below are all types of leaders:
- Creepy
- a middle-level manager whose mood depends on his superiors. Today he can praise an employee, and tomorrow he can insult him in front of the whole team.
- Dictator
— hardly anyone likes his authoritarian regime. He doesn’t want to hear criticism and suggestions, everything should be as he says. Often this type of boss cannot be pleased; he will always find something to complain about.
- slob
- does not know how to monitor the team and organize business meetings, events, monitor the progress of work, forgets about the deadlines for receiving a salary, etc. As a result, he lashes out at his employees and blames them for everything.
- Sadist
- uses his knowledge for negative purposes. He uses all the weaknesses of his subordinate to insult and humiliate him in public. Thus, he instills feelings of fear in others as well.
- Artist
- does not have leadership competence, so plays the role of a specialist. If he needs to show his power, he will begin to insult employees.
- Coward
- is afraid of any competition, therefore he deliberately destroys competitors by humiliating them.
- Father-mentor, mother-director
— professionally copes with the responsibilities of a leader, but can periodically lash out at his subordinates. The mood is restored quickly, so such behavior does not cause serious damage.
To choose the right answer to your boss, you need to determine its type and analyze the situation.
What to do if you have a toxic boss
The simplest and most obvious solution is to change jobs. Constantly being near the source of aggression is dangerous for health, both psychological and physical. However, it is not always possible to just pick up and quit. Sometimes this involves serious losses and inconveniences.
For example, if an employee is near retirement age, finding a new job will be problematic for him.
How to be? In this case, you have two options - take the warpath or accept your fate and try to smooth out the consequences. The first option is suitable only for strong-willed individuals with nerves of steel. At the end of the article, I will share with you the real experience of winning a war with my boss, which I witnessed.
Focus on your workflow
Don't forget why you come to work. The main goals of each employee are professional development and decent earnings. Focus on them. You don't have to go out of your way to make friends with your boss and make a good impression on him. Think of your relationship with him as a background against which other important events take place.
I understand that this is not easy. Especially if you are a sensitive and vulnerable person. Treat this challenge as an exciting quest. If you successfully complete it, a reward awaits you at the end - increased stress resistance and level of self-control.
Carry out your responsibilities conscientiously
Work in such a way that your boss has no reason to find fault with you. Maintain work discipline, deliver projects on time, and try not to make mistakes. Then you will be practically invulnerable to attacks.
It is possible that the boss’s attitude will change when he appreciates the real benefits of your impeccable work. Especially if other employees work carelessly.
Don't forget about business ethics
Communicate with your boss, respecting the chain of command. Minimize non-work related conversations. Be polite, tactful and restrained. You shouldn’t let your boss know about the details of your personal life or burden him with your problems and worries. Otherwise, he will be tempted to use your weaknesses to his advantage.
Take care of your reputation - don’t get involved in strange stories, don’t gossip or create reasons for gossip, don’t criticize your colleagues behind their backs, don’t give away other people’s secrets. Then you will be respected and valued in the workplace.
Don't take your boss's words personally
If you take seriously all the nasty things your boss says to you, soon there will be nothing left of your self-esteem. You will believe in your own worthlessness and incompetence and actually begin to perform worse.
Therefore, you need to learn to abstract yourself from psychological violence and turn on self-defense mode. Every time your boss yells at you and makes unreasonable claims, mentally say to yourself: “This is just his subjective opinion, which has nothing to do with me. I won’t waste my nerves and get upset.” You can imagine a protective cocoon around you that reflects aggression and returns it back to the offender.
Quit your job
If there’s nothing really keeping you in this job and you can easily find another job, there’s no point in worrying about it. Write your resignation letter without waiting until your eye starts to twitch. Psychological well-being is more valuable than any money.
If circumstances do not allow you to quit right now, you will have to wait for a while. Stock up on sedatives and prepare an escape route. Create a safety net for the first time, undergo additional training to increase your relevance in the labor market.
Prepare for war: advice for the most stress-resistant
I know of only one case when a war with a boss ended in a triumphant victory for a subordinate - I will talk about it below. In all other cases known to me, the employees eventually quit, but not before getting on the boss’s nerves.
Therefore, if you are not used to putting up with injustice and want to defend your honor, you can fight with your boss before leaving. But be prepared for the fact that he will use all the leverage available to him against you.
Write a statement in any form, detailing the facts of the use of psychological violence against you. If there is evidence (audio recording of insults, testimony of your colleagues), attach it to the application. Send one copy each to the labor inspectorate and the prosecutor's office. You must be given an official response within a month.
If there are various violations in the workplace related to humiliation of the honor and dignity of employees, Article 5.61 of the Code of Administrative Offenses applies. Sanctions under this article provide for fines both for officials and for the organization as a whole.
You can first talk to your boss's immediate superiors. Say that you would not like to wash dirty linen in public and spoil the company’s reputation, but you see no other way out.
And now I’ll tell you the promised story about a toxic boss with a happy ending. A year before his retirement, my father had a conflict with his boss. Dad stood up for a young employee who wanted to be deprived of her legal paid leave during the exam period. The boss then became very angry and promised to put dad “in his place.”
And a month later he was deprived of his bonus based on a complaint from one of his colleagues about poor quality work. Since dad always performed his duties conscientiously, it immediately became clear to him where this complaint was coming from. Now dad was seriously angry. He is a man of the old Soviet school, with a keen sense of justice. He could not tolerate such boorish attitude.
Dad armed himself with a voice recorder and went to find out from his colleagues who wrote the denunciation. At first no one wanted to talk, but soon one woman admitted that she had filed a complaint under pressure from her boss. After this, dad wrote a letter to the ministry, which controlled their government structure, and outlined the essence of the problem in detail.
Soon he was called to a face-to-face meeting, where a ministry employee promised to look into everything and take action. The next day, the boss comes up to him and silently returns the money. In addition, he is given a separate office, where he works quietly until he retires, and his boss no longer dares to disturb him.
Perhaps this story will inspire someone to fight for their rights. If you feel the strength to fight, why not. Just think carefully about your action plan and assess the possible risks.
What are the types of behavior?
An incompetent manager may behave in the following ways:
- rough form of expression of thoughts;
- ridicule and humiliation of subordinates;
- familiar behavior;
- flirting, obscene hints;
- sarcastic and ambiguous behavior, etc.
All this shows that the boss is extremely weak in the leadership position. Most incompetent bosses got into their positions through force or friendship with other bosses.
How to behave correctly
How to put your boss in his place using simple methods:
Calm.
You cannot get the better of your emotions and respond to rudeness with rudeness. This will not only make it easier for your boss to manipulate situations, but it can also cause you to feel bad about yourself over a long period of time.
Before the conversation, you should prepare and calm down. It is enough to close your eyes for a few minutes and breathe evenly, avoiding negative thoughts. Cool calm will help you avoid boorish behavior from your boss.
3 important steps
which every woman should go through
Anika Snagovskaya
Author and presenter of women's trainings on harmonizing feminine energy. Master of removing limiting beliefs and master of constellations.
I have prepared three lessons for you that will help you better understand yourself, remove the restrictions that prevent you from feeling loved and living happily.
01
Video lesson with meditation: 5 states of femininity
You will learn about 5 female states that exist in every woman, how they manifest themselves and which archetypes are most manifested in you and which are not developed.
02
Video lesson + meditation: How to let go of past relationships
I’ll tell you what you need to do to free your heart from old feelings and break the energy threads connecting you with your past partner.
03
Audio recording: Neuro-af
Thanks to this neuro-affirmation, you can regain self-love and feel sincere gratitude and happiness for every day.
✕
Top 3 useful materials that will help you know yourself better
And start a new, happy life for yourself.
Video lesson with meditation: 5 states of femininity
Video lesson + meditation: How to let go of past relationships
Audio recording: Neuro-af
Take your gifts!
Politeness.
If your boss begins to behave irritably and disrespectfully, just ask him about the reason for this behavior. You need to talk as politely and calmly as possible.
You cannot show your insecurity, even if it is really present. As a result, the manager will see the person's strength of character and may begin to respect him. This behavior is characteristic of an “artist” or a “sadist.”
One-on-one conversation.
In the process of public insults, it is difficult to find out the true reason for the boss’s dissatisfaction. You need to choose a time to talk to him alone and ask about his dissatisfaction.
You can even take a piece of paper and a pen to write everything down. If one or more of the points are not true, you should ask about them again.
Such behavior is correct on the part of the employee. After all, in this way you can not only work on mistakes, but also put your boss in his place.
It is worth noting that during a private conversation you need to be as delicate as possible and not hurt the leader’s pride.
Otherwise, the situation may turn out like this:
Uncertain behavior and inability to correctly express thoughts will cause dissatisfaction and will become the reason for even harsher behavior of the boss.
If you go too far, you can completely cross the line of normal communication with your manager. Then there is a chance to lose your position.
Behavior during a conversation
Strength of character, calmness, competence and politeness are key to successfully ending a conversation with your boss. He must not be allowed to resort to insults and humiliation.
If his behavior becomes aggressive, it is enough to step away from the dialogue and imagine that nothing is heard. After the boss calms down, you can start talking.
Don't try to make excuses or interrupt. This strategy is obviously losing.
What to do if a male boss clings to a woman?
A more difficult case is when a male director finds fault with a woman. Let's consider it separately.
- Despite the fact that feminism has been sweeping the planet for a long time, in our country the majority of leadership positions are occupied by men. Sometimes nitpicking for any reason can be due to this very factor. The main reason why a boss can find fault with a woman is a feeling of weakness of the “enemy” and his own impunity.
IMPORTANT ! Women tend to hush up conflicts: they are not always ready to stand up for themselves if they see that the interlocutor has a higher social status. The reason is the inability to value oneself and improper upbringing in childhood.
- The boss may have tender feelings towards his subordinate. Of course, not every person is able to reciprocate: unrequited “love” is not such a rare phenomenon. But an insecure boss will not tolerate this and will begin to use his official position to humiliate the woman and make her stay in the office as uncomfortable as possible. In this way, the boss wants to humiliate, attract your attention, or cause jealousy/anger. Not the best method.
- If you are truly an expert in your field, then it may well be that your boss feels professionally inferior in comparison to you . It's sad, but it's a fact of life: even minor success can cause envy and bullying. But there is reason for joy - you have really achieved something in your field!
How to put your boss in his place during a dialogue:
Reception. Ignoring.
This method is suitable for such types of bosses as “creepy”, “mother-director” and “slob”. Often their aggressive behavior is explained by some reason. Their anger shows that they have weakness and fear.
For example, the increased responsibility and love for the team of the father-boss forces him to interrupt the idyll and use rudeness.
The slob feels fear after the failure of the established actions.
And the reptile lashes out at his subordinates after a reprimand from his superiors.
During periods of aggression, it is recommended to focus on the assigned tasks and not pay attention to what is happening.
Reception. Nonverbal influence.
For a dictator boss, verbal influence is useless. You can reach him only with gestures, facial expressions and emotions. By showing dissatisfaction in this way, conflict situations can be avoided. The method is suitable for those who value and worry about their position.
How to react and defend yourself, what to answer to the boss?
- Continuous showdowns have a negative impact on the work of the entire team as a whole: you must admit, it’s not very pleasant to fulfill your duties when everyone around you is just waiting for the next scandal. Therefore, the first thing to do is to isolate yourself from what is happening as much as possible. Solve problems as they arise: when the boss starts arguing with you, then get involved in the process.
- Remind yourself what responsibilities are stated in your employment contract. Try to do what is required, and then your conscience will be calm. Don't jump over your head in hopes of pleasing your boss. If your boss is always criticizing you for the wrong reasons, he will continue to do so.
- Don't overreact: this will please the director and some members of your team too. Think of nagging as an annoying fly - yes, it interferes, but it does not poison your life at all.
ATTENTION ! If your boss calls you into his office for a separate conversation, act confidently and naturally. Don't shout, don't start noisy quarrels.
Talk as usual and always give reasons if you argue with your boss. Never do this in public - why put on a show and distract your colleagues from work?
- There are times when aggression really helps (if used in doses). It is enough to clearly explain to the manager once that you do not intend to tolerate his arbitrariness, and the attitude will change before your eyes. The main thing is not to overdo it - you don’t want to get a reputation as a scandalous person.
Indirect methods of influence
It is not always possible to resolve a conflict through ordinary conversation. Yes, competent speech plays an important role, but nonverbal techniques make it possible to get the upper hand over the situation.
To properly influence your boss, it is recommended:
Reception. Don't use a smile.
In a stressful situation, smiling is of no use and will only make the situation worse. Women often use a sweet smile in an attempt to assuage guilt before their boss. However, you should be serious and adequately assess the situation. A smile is especially dangerous with an “actor”, “sadist” or “dictator” boss.
Reception. Gaze control.
It is necessary to maintain eye contact, showing strength of character. If you can't look straight into the eyes, you can look at the nose. Under no circumstances should you lower your eyes. This is an indicator of weakness. Then the boss will understand that he has won and will begin to humiliate him even more harshly.
Reception. Gestures.
The nervous state is manifested in body movements. The boss will immediately notice nervous nodding of the head, shaking hands, nervous gestures, etc. All this shows fear and self-doubt.
Reception. Rack.
You should stand straight, without leaning on anything.
Reception. No crossbreeding.
You can’t cross your legs or arms in an attempt to block out negativity.
Reception. We are not getting better.
You should not try to straighten your hair, dry your clothes, etc.
Reception. We don't cover our faces.
Hands should not be on your face.
Reception. Nod.
A single nod is sufficient to express agreement.
Reception. Correct speech.
Use competent and clear speech.
Reception. Let's not hang out.
Answer the questions asked.
Reception. Cloth.
Appearance also plays an important role in the relationship between bosses and employees. A well-groomed business suit allows you to create distance. This practice is used in large organizations where all employees are required to wear business attire.
Effective rituals
With the help of simple but very effective ritual options, you can restore justice if you are not deservedly offended, if management does dirty tricks, forces you to resign, if the manager is angry and aggressive.
Slander before a visit to the boss
The words of the conspiracy must be pronounced right in front of the door of the boss’s office
With the help of a simple ritual that is performed right on the manager’s doorstep, you can make your life at work easier. When entering the boss’s office, you need to whisper the following words three times:
“Lord Almighty. I am calling to you. Remembering the meekness and modesty of King David, may my boss (name) be just as meek and meek and merciful.”
From the bosses' nagging
How to get rid of your boss and pacify his aggression? Rituals for a stern boss can be read at home, using various attributes. To avoid being picked on, you can perform the ritual using poppy seeds. Take a handful of grains and read the words above them three times:
“Poppy seeds, I implore you, let my boss (name) no longer be able to find fault with me, let him begin to appreciate and respect me. Remove the nagging leader from my life, there will be no anger from him. He will not reproach you either by deed, or by conversation, or by anything of which he is not guilty. Let there be justice with the boss. I want to make peace with him and protect myself. Just as a poppy seed dries up, let me breathe calmly and easily in my workplace. And work brings only pleasure and stable profit.”
Next, you need to quietly pour a handful of charmed grains into the boss’s pocket.
From an evil leader
A special magic ritual is used to ward off the manager’s anger
To protect yourself from rudeness, there is a simple conspiracy from an evil boss. With its help, you will no longer be treated impolitely. To stop people picking on you and swearing at you, you need to knock on a solid piece of wood (for example, on a table), while saying:
“Let them not offend me anymore if I don’t deserve it. Let the tree protect you from the attacks and anger of a greedy boss. May he no longer swear, even if he is offended by me. And even if my salary increases, he pays me more, he doesn’t wait for me to quit, he doesn’t try to remove me from my position. If I was able to read this text, I will then know what to do. Just as this tree stands strong, so let the lock that I put on the mouth of the evil boss be strong. Doesn't be rude, doesn't scold, doesn't find fault. Thank you for that."
When the boss is an energy vampire
In many cases, managers act like real energy vampires towards their subordinates, literally draining them of vitality and energy. It is not easy to work in such situations. To protect yourself from negative influences, you need to perform a simple ritual. Wake up early in the morning, with the first rays of the sun. Take any gold or silver object in your hands, open the window, stand near it. Then say these words:
“Clear sun, I will get up early in the morning and ask you for help. With your immense rays you illuminate the heavens and the earth, you help all living things. Become a protection for me from whining, from damage, aches, and evil eyes that take away my strength. I trust in your strength, I conjure you to the Almighty! Amen!"
The enchanted object will become a personal amulet against energy vampirism.
The amulet against energy vampires should have been made of gold or silver
For the love and favor of the boss
A simple ritual will help to plot the favor and mercy of a boss towards a subordinate. To carry it out you need to take a small saucer and a handful of salt. Pour salt onto a saucer and read the words for the love of your superiors:
“Higher powers, guardian angels. Become my helpers, may all bad thoughts disappear forever. Savior angels, open the eyes of God’s servant (name), let him look at me as his friend, and not as his enemy. Let the grievances all go away forever, only peace and harmony will be between us. Protect me from him. Amen".
Bring the charmed salt to work and quietly scatter it in front of the front door. It is best to carry out such manipulations in front of the director’s office or in front of the main office, where all employees, including the manager, are located. After the ceremony, he will treat his subordinates with respect.
So that the authorities love a strong conspiracy using sugar or honey. Such a talisman will help strengthen relationships and win over the director. Take a handful of sugar or a small amount of honey, pour or lightly spread on the threshold of the director’s office, while speaking from the boss or from the boss the following spell:
“Honey, honey, sugar, sugar. Just as you are sweet in tongue to all people, so may I become sweet and pleasant to my leader. Just as you bring pleasure to everyone, let me also be only pleasant to the boss. Let it be so".
These actions must be performed during the full or waxing moon. And it’s even better if the ritual, so that the management does not touch it, so that the boss or boss raises the salary, is carried out during major Orthodox holidays - Christmas, Easter, Epiphany.
What not to do?
In stressful situations, you should not behave as follows:
- Tolerate public insults from your boss.
Such behavior will not only lose the respect of your colleagues, but also your boss.
- Respond with aggression.
Copying the leader's behavior will only make the situation worse.
- Criticize your boss.
Nobody likes to listen to criticism when they are stressed. As a result, you can ruin your attitude towards yourself forever and prolong the conflict.
- Ask for forgiveness and blame yourself for everything.
Such tactics of behavior guarantee defeat in advance. You cannot humiliate and overstep yourself. This will only increase the boss's anger. You can admit guilt only in a truly committed mistake and only in private with your manager.
How to avoid conflicts with your boss
In order not to deal with the boss’s anger, it is necessary to exclude possible conflicts with him in advance.
What is recommended to do:
Balance of interests.
Quarrels often arise as a result of misunderstandings between the boss and subordinates. The boss constantly snaps at his employees, and they respond with silence and endure. To avoid such an attitude towards yourself, you need to find common ground and find common benefits.
Understanding the boss.
It is necessary to analyze the actions, character and habits of the boss. This will allow you to predict his behavior in advance and avoid conflict situations.
Communication.
Proper communication with your boss will help calm the boss down. And will stand out from the rest of the employees. There is a high probability that the boss will begin to show respect for you and, perhaps, even seek advice.
Confidence.
Confidence and lack of fear must be shown in the first days of work. “Sadists” and “actors” try to avoid conflicts with such people. “Cowards” and “dictators” are completely afraid of self-confident people.
You can communicate comfortably and find balance with any boss. It is important to understand that he is also a person and has his own weaknesses. You just need to find them and use them for your own purposes.
The use of all methods for putting a boss in his place depends on the specific situation and the type of leader. Perhaps analyzing the boss will allow you to get the better of him in the future and take his place.
Forewarned is forearmed!
Conflicts with superiors are easier to prevent than to deal with their consequences.
- Achieve a balance of interests. Conflicts with management often arise due to misunderstandings. The boss does not try to explain his position and desires to his subordinates, and the employees tolerate and silently carry out the manager’s vague tasks. Result: dissatisfaction on both sides. Look for benefits for yourself and for your superiors. Find the optimal balance of interests.
- Understand the boss. Take a closer look at the boss. By studying his habits, requirements, character traits, you will be able to avoid controversial situations and conflicts. Knowing the hidden reasons behind inappropriate behavior gives you a secret weapon in the fight against your boss's misconduct.
- Establish dialogue. People open up in communication. Through dialogue, you can convey to a person not only verbal information, but also your internal state. Surely you have seen employees who are able to calm their father-boss in anger or influence the boss - a slob. It's all about the right approach to communication, and every boss has weaknesses.
- Confidence from the first days. When you apply for a new job, show your confidence. Sadists and actors avoid confrontations with such people. Excessive confidence can unnerve a boss - a coward or a dictator. It's up to your leader how much you can raise the bar for your fearlessness.
You can find a balance in your relationship with any boss. Be more careful and don't be afraid of leadership.
