Funeral words: example of speech, what is permissible to say in such cases

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Funeral words

The death of loved ones, relatives, and friends is always a sad and tragic event in the life of every person. At such moments, it can be difficult to find the right words to express all the sorrow and pain. How can you say that the deceased was dear? That he was the most wonderful person? Clearly and clearly articulate his best qualities without going too far? A funeral speech at a funeral is a text that is pronounced not from a piece of paper, but from the heart.

What do they say at funerals?

At the wake, everyone can show their respect to the deceased. If you want to honor the memory of a loved one, prepare in advance, come up with a nice toast or poem to stand at the memorial table and honor the memory of your loved one. Before sitting down to the table, the deceased is honored with a minute of silence. Orthodox Christians begin the commemoration by reading Psalm 90 and the Lord's Prayer. The owner of the house invites guests to the table and people sit down without sitting in the empty place allocated to the deceased. First word

given to the owner of the house: -Today we saw off our loved one on his last journey (calls him as was customary in the family).
May he/she rest in peace and may his/her memory be eternal. (Bows to the portrait or empty space of the deceased). Everyone drinks (according to tradition, jelly). Without clinking glasses. Then the word is given to the presenter. The presenter also makes his speech, concluding it with the words: - May the earth (says the name and patronymic of the deceased) rest in peace, and may the memory be eternal! Then the leader gives mourning words to everyone from the elders to the minority: As a rule, these are toasts, at the end of which they say May [Name] rest in peace, and may the memory be eternal! In memorial words, the use of aphorisms, favorite expressions of the deceased, and stories from life is allowed. Any negative words, conversations about bad character traits, or showdowns are not allowed. Example
: Friends, today is a day of sorrow.
There was a time when we had fun and rejoiced with someone who left us. But today you and I drink this cup of sorrow ourselves, seeing off a person close to us on their last journey. Not everyone in the world was honored with the Dormition, like the Mother of God and other holy people. But we will keep in our hearts the good memory of our friend, having hope for resurrection and a new meeting in a new place. Let's drink to the dregs the wine of sadness! Or Poems that are appropriate to read at a wake in front of all relatives. Example
: We are sad and sad and there are no other feelings.
Let's remember all the parents, Let's remember all the relatives! Let us remember all those who have passed away, In the prime of their lives, Brothers, sisters of the dead, Acquaintances and strangers! They once lived and made us happy, laughed and loved, took care of us. For a long time or recently They are no longer with us, And we reverently bring a bouquet to the grave! Or just incidents from life, someone will remember how well he drew, someone will remember how wonderful they worked together, and someone will talk about his good deed. Example
: “Our grandfather was a very kind and good person. His path was long and difficult. He perceived all the difficulties that befell the country as his own. He worked and raised children without complaining about the lack of benefits, lack of food or amenities. He raised children and was a support for his grandchildren. This magnificent man will be greatly missed by all of us. May his memory be blessed!” The funeral words must be said while standing. After your funeral words, the head of the family must end your words with the phrase - May the earth (says the name and patronymic of the deceased) rest in peace, and may the memory be eternal! Or for the believers the Kingdom of heaven and eternal peace for him/her. When everyone has spoken, the head of the house thanks everyone for their kind words and once again wishes everyone to be strong in order to survive the bitterness of loss and remain firm at all times. Everyone gets up, drinks, bows and sits down again. According to tradition, the last toast is made by the eldest woman in the family, or the eldest relative. She also thanks everyone for coming and honoring the memory of the deceased and, if necessary, invites everyone to the next commemoration. After the last toast, they do not say goodbye, but bow to the portrait of the deceased (or an empty place at the table) and on the way out they offer words of condolences to the relatives.

How to choose the right words?

Based on the examples presented above, several basic rules can be identified:

It is best to address the audience in the introduction. For example: “Dear friends and family of our beloved (name) ....”
It is necessary to introduce yourself. What does it have to do with not only the name, but also the degree of your acquaintance, relationship: “My name is Alexey, (name) and I have been close friends (colleagues) for many (you can be more specific) years.”
It would not be amiss to say a few words about your own experiences, about the pain that the announcement of death caused.
The following words characterize the deceased. Here it is important to remember the old Russian proverb, which perfectly indicates what they say at funerals: “It’s either good or nothing about the dead.”
In conclusion, condolences or standard, but still relevant memorial words are said: “May he rest in peace,” “Rest in peace,” and so on.

In general, we note that the speech at the wake differs from the one pronounced directly at the funeral. So, at the moment of farewell it is customary to speak very briefly. Here, words of condolences are mainly spoken to the relatives of the deceased.

The funeral speech on the day of the funeral should under no circumstances be a memorized text. A few words from the heart, imbued with sincere empathy, would be more appropriate. In the first days, the relatives of the deceased are unable to perceive reality. The grief they have suffered is too hard for them, so their feelings should be respected.

Memorial words for 40 days, for an anniversary can be more intense. Here they often remember the best about the deceased. But even after time, one should not remember insults, disagreements and quarrels. If you can’t overcome this in yourself, the best thing to do is to remain silent or limit yourself to a couple of standard phrases.

How to express condolences over a death?

What should you not say? Often on such difficult days, it is very difficult for us to formulate our thoughts and express our condolences correctly. We begin to speak in general phrases, instead of simply supporting people dear to us in difficult times. Let's consider what it is better not to say when expressing your condolences: 1. I know how you feel, I know what it is like, I also lost... The fact is that people who have just lost a loved one still feel the pain very acutely and they are in pain now, at this moment, and time has healed your pain a little. Also, all people have different emotionality, different relationships with the dead, some are more sensitive, some are less. It’s much better to say: I don’t know how you feel, but I know how hard it is for you, you can always share with me. 2. God judged, everything was God’s will, God took it away. You cannot say such a phrase to a mother who has lost a small innocent child, thereby you seem to be saying that God did this to them. It is better to say that now a person is in a better world. 3. How are you? There is no need to dryly ask relatives how they are doing; if there is a need to maintain a conversation, it is better to ask how you are feeling? What's on your mind? However, if you are not a loved one, then just inquire about the funeral itself and ask if there is anything I can do for you. 4. Everything will be fine, don't cry! You should not try to cheer up the relatives of the deceased with such expressions; after all, this is mourning and these days relatives most often want to think about today, and not about the future. 5. Future-oriented wishes do not apply to words of condolences: “I wish you to come to your senses quickly after such a tragedy.” 6. It is considered bad form to find positive aspects in a tragedy and devalue the loss. No problem, give birth again! He was very sick and finally got over it! Remember that people here have gathered to honor the memory of the deceased. 7. You’re not the only one, it can be worse, that’s what happened with…..Such statements are tactless and do not help in any way to alleviate the pain of loss. 8. You can’t look for someone to blame. We hope this driver goes to jail! We hope this killer will be punished. Such statements also do not apply to words of condolences. 9. “You know, he drank a lot and was a drug addict, people like that don’t live long.” Such statements are also tactless, about the deceased it’s either good or nothing. 10. Questions “How and where did this happen?” and others, it is also not appropriate to ask when expressing condolences.

Verbal condolences to the loved ones of the deceased

The most important thing is that your words of condolences are sincere and from the heart. For example, if you did not know the deceased and his relatives well, then a simple handshake or hug with words of condolences for your loss will be enough. The same applies to people who simply have no words or only two words, I sympathize with you. You can simply hug, take your hand, put your hand on your shoulder, thereby showing that you sincerely sympathize and share your grief with the relatives of the deceased. It is considered good form to offer your help, ask if there is something I can do for you? Most often they will politely answer you, no thanks, no need. But if help is really needed, then it can be help in preparing dishes for the funeral, in submitting notes to the church for conducting church liturgies for the deceased, and even financial assistance.

How to find words of condolences for a death?

To make it easier to express your condolences, think about the deceased, who he was to you, remember good incidents from life, his actions and joint affairs. Also think about the feelings of your loved ones, how hard it is for them, how they feel. This will help you choose words for your condolences. If you feel guilty about something before the deceased, your sincere apologies will be good form, because condolences are both forgiveness and reconciliation. There is no need to squeeze words out of yourself, if there are none, then just come up and sincerely say how you condole, everything will be visible in your eyes. Below are examples of words of condolences.

: He meant a lot to me and to you, I mourn with you. Let it be a consolation to us that he gave so much love and warmth. Let's pray for him. There are no words to express your sorrow. She meant a lot in your life and mine. We will never forget... It is very difficult to lose such a dear person. I share your grief. How can I help you? You can always count on me. I'm very sorry, please accept my condolences. If I can do something for you, I will be very glad. I would like to offer my help. I would be happy to help you... Unfortunately, in this imperfect world you have to experience this. He was a bright man whom we loved. I will not leave you in your grief. You can count on me at any moment. This tragedy affected everyone who knew her. Of course, it’s harder for you now than anyone else. I want to assure you that I will never leave you. And I will never forget her. Please, let's walk this path together. Unfortunately, I only now realized how unworthy my bickering and quarrels with this bright and dear person were. Excuse me! I mourn with you. This is a huge loss. And a terrible tragedy. I pray and will always pray for you and for him. It is difficult to express in words how much good he did to me. All our differences are dust. And what he did for me, I will carry with me throughout my life. I pray for him and grieve with you. I will be happy to help you at any time

What phrases should you avoid?

At a funeral, it is recommended to avoid phrases like “there is no need to cry or be upset”, “I understand you perfectly”, “we can’t do anything”, “after all, God decided everything for us”, “over time you will feel better and you will return to former life." These clichés will not help you cope with loss. It is unlikely that the grieving person will perceive these words as support addressed to him. You cannot wish death on someone who is guilty of a tragedy or complain that he has not yet been punished. It is necessary to speak exclusively about the deceased in a positive way, to temporarily forget about the existence of offensive words and tactlessness.

Words for funeral rites

We have all heard the notorious “They either say good things about the dead or nothing” . But this well-established phrase also has a continuation “... except for the truth.” You need to talk about a deceased person on the day of his funeral sincerely, from the bottom of your heart. Remember the good things he has done in life, his achievements and merits. Pay tribute to his positive character traits.

But, if some qualities were not inherent in the deceased, then you should not once again prevaricate and emphasize them. It is better to emphasize his true merits and virtues in his speech. There is a lot of good things to say about each person to his loved ones, so that as many bright but true memories as possible remain in his memory.

Everyone can speak about their deceased family members, and the words will come from the depths of the soul, without any preparation. But what if you need to attend the funeral of a not very close friend, but you have to give a speech? In such a situation, it is not forbidden to write down the prepared text in advance. But it is advisable to read it several times before the funeral and try to remember it.

As a last resort, you can read the words from the piece of paper during the funeral process. But only if the speech turns out to be truly sublime, long and penetrating to the soul. Reading three lines of simple sentences from a piece of paper looks disrespectful from the outside; it is better to learn them by heart.

Tests of the soul on the 9th day after death

In the Orthodox faith, the ninth day after death is very significant for the deceased. It is believed that until this moment the soul of the deceased is in Paradise and comprehends all the joys of the Heavenly Kingdom. She rests from the pain of earthly life and suffering for her sins. 9 days after death, the Lord commands the angels to bring the soul to his throne.

After a conversation with God, she goes to Hell until the 40th day , where she will prepare for the Heavenly Court. Ordeals and terrible trials await her. With the help of a guardian angel, the soul overcomes sinful temptations and torments. If she can go through all the ordeals, then her good half will defeat the evil one, the Lord will forgive her lifetime sins at the Heavenly Court.

Thus, nine days is one of the most important stages in the posthumous journey of the deceased. The support of family and friends is very important for the soul of a deceased person in order to pass difficult trials and appear before the Almighty cleansed of sins.

More about the posthumous fate of the soul in Orthodoxy

How to prepare a memorial speech at a funeral?

First of all, remember that there are many people who want to speak at a memorial meal, so you should speak as briefly and concisely as possible. You should not go into details or retell the entire biography; it is better to talk about a striking incident, an interesting story or the merits of the deceased. However, we should not forget about the rules of decency: before you start speaking memorial words at the wake, you should definitely introduce yourself and talk about how you were connected with the deceased. You need to think about what you will say in advance, and speak clearly and clearly, without choosing words on the fly and without getting confused in presenting the facts, since this may be taken as disrespect for the deceased, as well as people close to him. But at the same time, you should not memorize your words at the wake, since in this case your speech may lose its sincerity and expressiveness.

It would be appropriate to include in your speech references to your attitude towards the personality of the deceased, about common affairs or hobbies. In conclusion, you can recall suitable quotes that the deceased said on this or that occasion.

Funeral words to the father should contain gratitude and respect for the head of the family, the person who raised and raised the speaker. The same can be said in memorial words to mother, which should also be full of tenderness and love. Giving a speech at your parents' wake is very difficult, so no one will judge you if you refuse to speak publicly at the wake or even stop halfway, unable to continue your speech.

Funeral words for a grandparent can consist of memories of a joyful childhood, about the important role he or she played in your upbringing.

When preparing memorial words for your friend, remember your joint hobbies and character traits for which you especially appreciated the person. A toast at a friend's funeral should contain words of condolences to the relatives of the deceased, and not just a story about your own grief of loss.

You need to end the funeral speech with the phrases “Eternal memory”, “May he rest in peace” or suitable passages of prayers if the person and his family were believers. Remember that your speech should support those present and help them learn to move on with their lives. It is important not to offend anyone and not to awaken the pain experienced, therefore, when composing funeral words, think it over carefully, trying to avoid all the sharp corners and even the slightest hints of the weaknesses or shortcomings of the deceased.

Funeral speech - sample

First you need to say your name. Not everyone present at a funeral or wake knows you. It should be remembered that long, vague, expansive phrases are suitable for political debates, but not for funeral speeches. You should speak briefly and to the point. So, examples of speech at a wake:

* * *

“I’ll introduce myself for those who don’t know me: my name is (name). We have worked together with (name of deceased) for the past few years and I would like to say a few words in memory of him.

He was a true professional in his field, a Specialist with a capital S. Many of our colleagues, young and not only, learned the basics of their craft from him and often used his advice and help. He was very patient and responsive, he could always listen to everyone who turned to him for support, advise something, help out, and never refused anyone’s requests. He could perfectly lift the spirits of anyone who was upset, confused or depressed about something. The countless funny stories, toasts, jokes and anecdotes he told could amuse anyone. We will all greatly miss him at our dinner gatherings and corporate events, where he invariably shone at the table, lifting our morale. There is no other person like him in our team. And maybe in my memory it will no longer be

We will all miss him greatly. Until the end of his life, he will remain in my memory and the memory of all our colleagues as an example of perseverance, sparkling cheerfulness, activity and professionalism!

Rest in peace, dear colleague!”

* * *

“My grandmother was a wonderful person with a difficult but interesting life. She, along with her three younger brothers and sister, were raised by her mother alone during the difficult post-war years. To say that they lived poorly then would be an understatement. She had to endure many difficulties and hardships, but she never lost her optimism and presence of mind, constantly helping her mother and taking care of the younger members of the family. And later, having married her military grandfather, she steadfastly endured all the hardships of service. In any circumstances, she always maintained exemplary order at home and taught all family members to do so. Grandma was sometimes strict, but fair. I am glad that I managed to learn from her neatness and order, the ability to organize my life. And her famous apple pies were simply incomparable, no one else could do them!

I will always remember you, my dear, beloved grandmother! Your warmth, love and care will remain with us forever.”

Funeral words during a conversation at a funeral dinner

The official memorial words at the wake are not limited to; throughout the event, you need to remember the deceased with kind words, talk about his positive qualities, worthy deeds and pleasant moments when you were with him. You can talk about all this during a meal with your table neighbors. To do this, you don’t need to specifically think through what to say at the wake; your speech should be spontaneous, caused by memories and emotions that have surfaced. Here it is more important than ever to be sincere; any falsity will be immediately recognized and will leave a very negative imprint. It is important that the narrator is not affected by the negative qualities of the deceased, his not the most honest or correct actions. Vulgar humor or stories in which the deceased found himself in an undignified or humiliating position are absolutely inappropriate.

Short words of condolences

He was a bright, kind, powerful, talented person. An example for all of us. We will always remember!

I used to love her. My condolences!

This is a tragedy: we are in great pain at this hour. But it’s hardest for you! If we can help you with anything, please contact us immediately!

He meant a lot to me in my life. I mourn with you!

Our entire family sympathizes with your grief. Our condolences... Be strong!

What a loss! Man of God! I pray for him, I pray for all of you!

What a pity that I didn’t have time to tell him “I’m sorry!” He opened a new world for me, and I will always remember it! My sincere condolences!

I mourn your loss. I know this is a hard blow for you. We offer our sincere condolences to all family and friends.

A wonderful man has passed away. My condolences to you and your entire family at this sad and difficult moment.

This tragedy has hurt all of us. But of course, it affected you the most. My condolences.

Sincere condolences to family and friends. Big loss for us. Her memory will be in our hearts. We mourn together with our families.

Please accept our sincere condolences. May God reward her in heaven for all the good she did. She is and will remain in our hearts...

We offer you and your entire family our deepest condolences on your tragic death... We share your grief and offer you words of support and consolation. We pray for the deceased... With condolences..

Sincere condolences to the family and friends of the untimely departed... from our entire family. It is very bitter to lose your loved ones, family and friends, and doubly bitter if the young, beautiful and talented leave us. May God rest his soul.

Everyone who knew him is grieving now, because such a tragedy cannot leave anyone indifferent. I understand how difficult it is for you right now. I will never be able to forget him and I assure you that I will support you in every possible way, should you contact me.

We mourn with you for the untimely death. This is a great loss for everyone, we express our sincere condolences to the parents, all relatives and friends. May God bless his soul.

They say they love their grandchildren even more than their children. And we felt this love of our grandmother to the fullest. Her love will warm us all our lives, and we, in turn, will pass on a piece of this warmth to our grandchildren and great-grandchildren - may the sun of love never fade...

There is nothing worse and more painful than losing a child. It is impossible to find such words of support to ease your pain even a little. One can only imagine how difficult it is for you right now. Please accept our sincere condolences on the death of your dear daughter.

Dear... I may not have known your father very well personally, but I know how much he meant in your life, because you so often spoke about his love of life, sense of humor, wisdom, care for you... I think that many people will miss him grab I pray to God for you and your family.

There are no words to express how deeply we mourn death. She was a wonderful, kind woman. We cannot even imagine how much of a blow her passing was for you. We miss her endlessly and remember how she once... She was a model of tact and mercy. We are happy that she was in our lives. You can count on our help at any moment.

I am truly sorry for the loss of your dad. I express my sincere sympathy to all of you and know this is a very sad and sad time for you. I know from my own life how deep the loss is when you realize that he will no longer be in your life. I can tell you, the only thing that can help you get over your loss is your memories. Your father lived a long and full life and achieved a lot in his life. He will always be remembered as a hardworking, intelligent and loving man. My thoughts and prayers will be with you all. May you find solace in your family and friends who share your loss. My deepest condolences.

I am shocked by this sad news. It's hard to accept. I share your pain of loss...

My heart is broken by yesterday's news. I worry with you and remember you with the warmest words! It's hard to accept loss! Everlasting memory!

The news of your brother's death is a terrible blow! It hurts to even think that we won't see him again. Please accept my and my husband's condolences for your loss!

Until now, the news about my aunt’s death seems like a ridiculous mistake! It's impossible to comprehend this! Please accept my sincere condolences for your loss!

My condolences! It hurts to even think about it, it’s hard to talk about. I sympathize with your pain! Everlasting memory!

It is difficult to express in words how much we sympathize with your loss! A golden man, of which there are few! We will always remember him!

This is an incredible, catastrophic loss. The loss of a real person, an idol, an exemplary family man and a citizen of his country.

We sympathize with your loss! The news of our son's death shocked our entire family. We remember and will remember him as a most worthy person. Please accept our sincere condolences!

It's little consolation, but know that we are with you in the grief of losing your daughter and sincerely sympathize with your entire family! Everlasting memory!

Words cannot express all the pain and sadness. Like a bad dream. Eternal peace for your soul.

I was stunned by this terrible news. For me, she is a hospitable hostess, a kind woman, but for you... The loss of your mother... I sympathize with you so much and cry with you!

We are very... very upset beyond words! It’s hard when you lose loved ones, but the death of a mother is a grief for which there is no cure. Please accept my sincere condolences for your loss!

She was a model of delicacy and tact. Her memory will be as endless as her kindness to all of us. The passing of a mother is an incomparable grief. Please accept my deepest condolences!

We are happy that we knew her. Her kind disposition and generosity surprised us all, and that is how she will be remembered! It is difficult to express our grief in words - it is too great. Let the kindest memories and bright memories of her be at least a small consolation!

The news of her departure came as a shock to us. We can only guess what a blow her departure was for you. At such moments we feel abandoned, but remember that you have friends who loved and appreciated your mother. Count on our help!

Words cannot heal a terrible wound in the heart. But bright memories of her, how honestly and honorably she lived her life, will always be stronger than death. In the bright memory of her, we are with you forever!

Losing loved ones is very difficult... And the loss of a mother is the loss of a part of yourself... Mom will always be missed, but may the memory of her and the warmth of a mother always be with you!

Her whole life was spent in countless labors and worries. We will always remember her as such a warm-hearted and soulful woman!

Without parents, without mother, there is no one between us and the grave. May wisdom and perseverance help you get through these most difficult days. Hold on!

The paragon of virtue went with her! But she will remain a guiding star for all of us who remember, love and honor her.

It is for her that you can dedicate kind words: “She whose actions and deeds came from the soul, from the heart.” May she rest in peace!

The life she lived has a name: “Virtue.” She is a source of life, faith and love for loving children and grandchildren. The Kingdom of heaven!

How much we didn’t tell her during her lifetime!

Please accept my sincere condolences! What a man! Just as she lived modestly and quietly, she left humbly, as if a candle had gone out.

We are deeply saddened by the news of your father's death. He was a fair and strong man, a loyal and sensitive friend. We knew him well and loved him like a brother.

Our family mourns with you. The loss of such reliable support in life is irreparable. But remember that we would be honored to help you any minute you need it.

My condolences! The death of a beloved husband is the loss of oneself. Hang in there, these are the hardest days! We mourn together with your grief, we are close...

Today everyone who knew him mourns with you. This tragedy does not leave anyone close to us indifferent. I will never forget my friend, and I consider it my duty to him to support you on any occasion, should you contact me.

I am so sorry that ...... and I had disagreements at one time. But I always appreciated and respected him as a person. I apologize for my moments of pride and offer you my help. Today and always.

I am truly sorry for the loss of your dad. This is a very sad and sad time for you. But good memories are what will help you survive this loss. Your father lived a long and colorful life and achieved success and respect in it. We also join in our friends’ words of grief and memories of him.

I sincerely sympathize with you... What a person, what a personality! He deserves more words than can be said right now. In the memories of my grandfather, he is both our teacher of justice and mentor in life. Eternal memory to him!

Without a father, without parents, there is no one between us and the grave. But he set an example of courage, perseverance and wisdom. And I'm sure that he wouldn't want you to grieve like that right now. Be strong! I sincerely sympathize with you.

Your shock at the onset of loneliness is a severe shock. But you have the strength to overcome grief and continue what he did not manage to do. We are nearby, and we will help with everything - contact us! This is our duty to the memory of our father!

We mourn with you in this difficult moment! He is the kindest person, a moneyless man, he lived for his neighbors. We sympathize with your loss and join you in the kindest and brightest memories of your husband.

We're sorry for your loss! We sympathize - the loss is irreparable! Intelligence, iron will, honesty and justice... - we are lucky to work with such a friend and colleague! We would like to ask him for forgiveness for so many things, but it’s too late... Eternal memory to a mighty man!

Mom, we mourn and cry with you! Our sincere gratitude from children and grandchildren and warm memories of a good father and good grandfather! Our memory of him will be eternal!

I would like to find words to somehow ease your pain, but it is difficult to imagine whether such words exist on earth at all. Bright and eternal memory!

I mourn with you in this difficult moment. It’s scary to even imagine that half of you has left. But for the sake of the children, for the sake of loved ones, we need to get through these sorrowful days. Invisibly, he will always be there - in the soul and in our eternal memory of this bright man.

Love will not die, and the memory of it will always illuminate our hearts!

For all of us, he will remain an example of love of life. And may his love for life illuminate the emptiness and grief of loss and help you survive the time of farewell. We mourn with you in difficult times and will remember him forever!

There are such mournful words: “A loved one does not die, but simply ceases to be around.” In your memory, in your soul, your love will be eternal! We remember him with kind words.

Tips for choosing the right words

There are no right or wrong speeches, there are words that show respect and speeches that insult the deceased. You need to know this fine line so as not to hurt the feelings of loved ones.

It is recommended to adhere to the following rules when forming speech:

It is better to speak briefly than to draw out the “speech”;
you need to remember only positive moments from life;
it is impossible to awaken the spiritual wounds of relatives;
you should forget about improvisation;
you need to speak respectfully.

During the proclamation of funeral words, a person often feels extremely uncomfortable, he begins to mutter something confusedly. It is recommended to write your full speech or theses on a piece of paper in advance and refer to it during your speech.

Words on Memorial Day

A memorial speech must necessarily contain an introduction, tragic motives, an emphasis on the best qualities of a person and a small conclusion such as expressing condolences to friends and relatives.

A classic example: this man has always been my personal role model. We knew each other for a long time and during this period he showed himself as a person with a capital P. I still can’t believe this terrible tragedy and the fact that I will never be able to see or talk to the deceased again. For me, he was always a kind of leader and a very sympathetic friend. Many learned from him peace of mind, determination and positive thinking. This man never refused my requests. I was glad to know him personally and will never forget. I ask your family and friends to accept my deepest condolences.

Farewell words at the funeral

Farewell words in a civil memorial service occupy a key position. They must be pronounced immediately before the burial of the deceased. The main purpose of this speech is to create a favorable atmosphere and say a few positive words about the deceased.

Example of words to a deceased colleague: I remember my first day at work. Then this place seemed so huge to me, I was afraid to talk to someone, ask how to turn on the machine to make coffee, and then this kind-hearted man came up to me and asked if everything was okay. Then I realized that in this team I definitely have at least one bright and positive colleague. He quickly helped me get comfortable and even borrowed his extra shirt one day when I got smeared with ink from the printer. I am very sorry that he left our world. This man will always be in my memory.

The main purpose of farewell words is to remember something positive about the deceased and tell a funny life story related to him.

Words of memory

Words of grief are created to provide moral support to a family after the loss of a loved one and to express condolences. Usually this is a rather short, but at the same time succinct statement that fully expresses all feelings. It is necessary to choose words that will not awaken a spiritual wound. It is recommended to speak out only once.

An example of short words of memory: He gave us a beautiful and bright world, illuminated us with his rays of kindness and love.

This phrase can be written in a themed card.

Funeral speech

An oral funeral speech must necessarily consist of a person’s characteristics, a vivid episode from his life, and an emphasis only on positive traits. There is no need to completely retell biographical information or remember how he once annoyed someone.

An example of a funeral speech for a colleague: we worked side by side for three years and these years became indicative for me. During all this time, the deceased proved himself to be an excellent comrade who was ready to help literally at any moment. My soul is very sad because of his death and I think that for a long time I will want to shake his hand one more time. My friend, I hope you are in a better place now.

Funeral toasts at the wake

Toasts at a wake, which are pronounced for everyone present, have their own characteristics. People around you expect loud words from you, so don’t be afraid to speak too pretentiously. The main thing is that the funeral speech must be said absolutely sincerely, without pretense and from the heart. Any unnaturalness, even accidental, can immediately destroy the entire impression of the spoken words. If a person is able to read poems expressively and correctly, then they can be quite appropriate. Anyone can make a toast at the wake of a friend, relative or colleague, but at the same time, if you are too depressed to make public speeches, do not know how or are embarrassed to address a large audience, then no one will judge you if you prefer to remain silent.

How to say

Not only words are important, but style, tone, body language. Show restraint, humility, understanding. Don’t overact, be sincere: you can’t show pretentiousness, attract attention to yourself, put yourself in the center of the ceremony, interrupt or speak too loudly. To remain silent and listen to what other guests say means to show respect for customs.

The exception is the moment when you are given the floor for a public funeral speech. Then you need to stand up, show your readiness to speak and wait until the guests of the wake are ready to listen.

Funeral poems

It was already indicated above that poetry would be extremely inappropriate at a funeral. A memorial speech for 40 days, 1 year may contain a small poetic inclusion. These could be the words of great poets or lines from an epitaph. Memorial poems for the anniversary of death mostly contain warm words that can be attributed to the personality of the deceased, and to a lesser extent condolences and bitterness. Examples include:

When the parents leave, the light in the window fades forever. My father’s house is empty and maybe I dream about it much more often. * * * We know that it is impossible to return you, Your deeds are an eternal memory, And only your pure soul is with us, You illuminate our path of life. * * * Sleep, my angel, calmly and sweetly. Eternity will take you into its arms. You held yourself with dignity and steadfastly survived these hellish torments. * * * On this day, full of heartache, We sympathize with your misfortune, Our life, unfortunately, is not eternal, Every day we are getting closer to the line... We sympathize... Strength of spirit We wish you at this moment, May the earth rest in peace to your loved ones, May The Almighty protects you from troubles. * * * When you left, the light dimmed, And time suddenly stopped. But they wanted to live together forever... Well, why did it all happen?! * * * Let no one disturb your serene sleep forever, Nothing can disturb the oblivion of eternal peace. * * * Thank you, dear, for being in the world! Thank you for loving me. For all the years that we lived together. I ask you not to forget me.

We remember, dear, and we grieve, A cold wind blows through our hearts. We love you forever, No one can replace you. * * * How we loved - only the Gods know. Only we knew how we suffered. After all, we went through all the hardships with you, But we could not step over death... * * * In this vicious circle - twist it or not - It will not be possible to find the end and the beginning. Our role in this world is to come and go. Who will tell us about the goal, about the meaning of the path? * * * O Lord, there are no sins and atrocities greater than Thy mercy! To the slave of the earth and vain desires, forgive the sins for his/her sorrows! * * * What was his life like? - Heavy sleep. What is death? - Awakening from terrible dreams. Woke up, he smiled - And again, perhaps, a dream began there. * * * You left and it immediately began to snow. May you have a good time there. Let a soft white blanket cover the Earth, where you are no longer there... * * * Without chasing meaningless glory, keeping love in his heart, He left, but managed to leave us a bright motive of Eternal music * * * This order is unshakable. The passage of time is eternal. May your serene sleep be quiet and sweet!

Funeral poems are published in the newspaper as condolences. Words at the wake should not contain ambiguous phrases. Extremely clear and understandable lines for all those present will be the most appropriate and correct.

What would be appropriate during a funeral speech?

At the wake, performances by one to three people closest to the deceased are encouraged. If everyone decides to speak, it will turn into a five-hour show with everyone saying the same thing. You can add a few words to the overall speech if you wish, but they should not take more than three minutes.

Relatives do not have to reveal their souls and feelings in front of all the guests; they are already exhausted from organizing the funeral, so a speech from one of their relatives or friends will be enough. If a person understands that he is not mentally ready to speak, it is better to refuse or express his condolences in a couple of sentences than to waste the time of those around him.

Funeral toasts

The funeral usually ends with a memorial dinner. While at such a table, you must follow the rules of mourning etiquette. It is not allowed to talk loudly or laugh. You should not interrupt the person making a speech at the wake. Often at the table, speech takes the form of a toast. Funeral toasts at a wake are significantly different from ordinary ones. They do not contain a call for fun, but once again emphasize the bitterness and pain of loss.

They sit in the next world, in Paradise, souls at the table, talking, drinking, pouring more. One overturned his jug, but it was empty. “That’s it,” he said, “I’ve been forgotten on Earth.” So let’s drink so that the jugs of our departed loved ones do not become empty!

Blessed memory of those who have left us, Let us drink to this now. May our hearts, like granite, preserve the memory of loved ones who have passed away. Let all the good things that happened to them not be buried in a damp grave. As long as we preserve our memories, they will live with us for as long.

Toasts at a wake can be pronounced in poetic form:

* * *

The philosopher knew that everything has its time, Fate cannot be deceived: The poet has been lonely for centuries - May the glorious one be completed...

* * *

There is no water in the funeral cup! Let us not grieve: The midnight star will rise - We will meet again!

* * *

Let it flow from the righteous heights, Until the end of days, the melody of your soul - Why be sad about it?

Sources

https://death-life.ru/pominki/36-chto-govoryat-na-pohoronah-i-pominkah-slova-soboleznovaniya-po-povodu-smerti.html
https://PQD.ru/pominalnyie-stihi/
https://sakramir.ru/pominalnye-slova-rech-na-pominkax.html
https://pominki-v-cafe.ru/slova-na-pominki/20-slova/70-pominalnaya-rech-na-pominkakh

Example

Speech at a wake about the death of a friend and colleague

Dear friends and relatives of Elena Petrovna! My name is Tatyana Arkadyevna, and I was lucky enough to work with Elena for more than 10 years - until my retirement. All these years, right up to her death, we were friends, went to visit, and I was always drawn to her because of her optimism and love of life. It was painful for me to feel the fading of life in recent weeks, and I was afraid of the moment when they would tell me that Elena was no more. On that rainy day, it was as if the Lord himself was crying, calling her to himself. And how she loved life! While she was still at work, she published a wall newspaper, people came to her with tales and stories, she joked, she was the center of the company, they loved her. I remember ____. This is how I will always remember her. It’s as if it was said about her: “And on earth she, like an angel, smiled: What is there in heaven?” The Kingdom of heaven!

Online memorial - continuation of the granite monument

✒ How to write an obituary and publish it for free

Epitafii.ru - the most beautiful collection of inscriptions on the monument.

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Farewell to a deceased Christian

Orthodox and Catholics , for the most part, share the traditions of how farewell to the deceased takes place. In Christianity, it is important that the body of the deceased be treated with respect, as a "temple of God", and funeral traditions are based on the belief in bodily resurrection . Death is a transition to eternal life, accompanied by the incessant prayers of loved ones for the soul of the deceased.

Before death, if a person is still conscious, the sacrament of unction . The priest absolves sins and gives communion to the dying .

Read: Orthodox funeral

For Orthodoxy, burying a body in the ground is closer to the biblical tradition. An Orthodox Christian must be inveigled and buried on the third day after death. The deceased is washed with water, a prayer is read, and dressed in new and clean clothes. If the deceased immediately ended up in the morgue - he died outside the home - you can read prayers at home.

Farewell in Orthodoxy

Before burial, it is necessary to arrange a funeral service in advance. Before the funeral service, a pectoral cross is put on the deceased , an icon or crucifix is placed in his hands , the body is covered to the waist with a veil, and a aureole is placed on the head. The funeral service can be performed in a church, cemetery, home or morgue.

According to custom, the coffin is carried by close relatives and friends of the deceased . During the funeral service, those present stand with lit candles and pray for the soul of the deceased together with the priest. At the end of the prayer, they approach the coffin, bow to the deceased, ask him for forgiveness, kiss the aureole on his forehead and the icon on his chest; if the coffin is closed, they kiss the cross on the lid.

Is it necessary to kiss the body when saying goodbye to the deceased? No. Today there are many other ways to express your love for a loved one. The coronavirus pandemic has interrupted the tradition of physical contact when saying goodbye to the body, shifting the emphasis to spiritual practices of honoring memory.

How to perpetuate the memory of parents?

Before closing the coffin and burial, the soil consecrated after the funeral service is poured crosswise onto the body of the deceased. The coffin is closed with a lid and lowered into the grave with the head facing west and feet facing east. The mourners throw a handful of earth into it, and then the deceased is buried. A gravestone cross or a temporary monument is installed in the place where the feet of the deceased are located .

Funeral services for the deceased are held on the 3rd, 9th and 40th days after death, as well as on memorable dates for the deceased (six months, a year from his death, his birthday, etc.).

Clothing at a funeral is appropriate : modest, neat, and clean . Makeup should be discreet, just enough to cover the mark of death.

Signs and superstitions

Many folk traditions of farewell to the deceased are not associated with the Christian canon:

Thus, the presence of pregnant women and children at funerals is not prohibited;
the burial does not have to take place only in the morning;
the wake should not turn into a noisy feast;
a glass of vodka with bread at the grave of the deceased does not carry any Christian meanings, but inherits pagan rites of remembrance;
open doors and windows, curtained mirrors, dropped objects in a cemetery - all these are signs and superstitions that do not follow from biblical texts.

The Russian Orthodox Church instructs believers to offer prayers, give alms (now charity) and do good deeds in the name of saving the soul of the newly deceased.

We recommend:

How to accept the loss of a loved one.
Parents' Saturdays are days when deceased ancestors are remembered.

Publish obituary

What we forgot

Our wise ancestors came up with the idea of holding a wake - a ritual dedicated to the memory of a deceased person. Centuries have passed, but this tradition has been preserved, and to this day helps people survive a sad event, giving all honors to the deceased in mourning.

But the commemoration of a hundred years ago and the modern ritual are seriously different.

So, today only a few go to church to organize a memorial service for the deceased and bless dishes for the funeral meal , and even less often go to the cemetery to the grave of the deceased person. Although each of these rituals is considered mandatory in wakes and was performed by our grandparents not only during the days of mourning, but also years after the funeral.
Another violation of age-old traditions at today's funerals is excessive alcohol consumption . To remember a departed person with copious libations is, to put it mildly, wrong. Hence the drunkenness, inappropriate fun, and sometimes squabbles and unpleasant showdowns between relatives.
To figure out at a wake who will get what from the property of the deceased is, without exaggeration, the highest manifestation of disrespect for a person who has just passed away. But, alas, life shows that such cases are not uncommon in our time.

It is our absolute duty to remember the deceased with dignity The memory portal Necrology.com will help perpetuate the memory of the dead and carry it through many generations.

How to create a memory page

Funeral - farewell meal

Relatives of the deceased are invited to the memorial dinner, which is held after the funeral. During the meal, it is customary to talk quietly and slowly, remembering the deceased with a kind word. At a wake, you can make a speech on behalf of those present; at the end of the speech, glasses and glasses are not clinked. Loud laughter and speech at the table, the use of banal words during meals according to the rules of behavior at a funeral are welcomed only if the person who has passed on to another world wanted it. At parting, at the end of the dinner, loved ones distribute sweets, pies and cookies to the guests. You can't refuse them. The person who brought home the treat from the funeral distributes the food to family members. Before leaving a farewell dinner, it is customary to say words of sympathy and consolation to relatives. Cookies and sweets are brought and treated to neighbors and other loved ones who were unable to attend the funeral ceremony.

It is customary to offer lunch to the deceased during a funeral. A glass of water or vodka, some food, and often a piece of bread are placed near his photograph. Funeral services are also held at home in a narrow circle on the 9th and 40th day from the moment of death. After the forties, you can distribute the things of the deceased to relatives and friends or go to the temple and leave them there. A clergyman or elderly family members of the deceased can tell you how to say goodbye to the deceased. However, knowledge of rituals and customs will help to bury a loved one according to all the rules, which will partially ease the bitterness of loss.

Before the farewell ceremony

The first thing to do is to complete the death papers and organize the funeral itself. Everyone has the right to do this on their own or contact a funeral agency, and today the majority do so.