Words of condolences regarding death: what to say briefly to relatives

How to offer condolences correctly

What the heart tells you

On an intuitive level, people understand that in such situations support is necessary. A suffering person always seeks participation from those around him. But not everyone can choose the appropriate phrases and expressions; for many it is difficult.

If you have an inner feeling that words are unnecessary in a particular situation or you may get confused when saying them, it is better to come up and hug the person. Most often this is the best way to express condolences. A silent hug shortens the distance and helps him realize that his loss is understood and he is not alone in his grief.

What can you say to the loved ones of the deceased?

At the same time, tactile contact is not always appropriate. Therefore, it is important to have an idea of what is said on such days. There is no need to make a long speech. Words of grief should be succinct in content, but short.

In what form is it appropriate to express condolences?

A quick form of communication is not suitable (SMS, Viber) when you need to convey the depth of feelings - this is not the best way. The best way to express your support is in person, at a meeting or during a telephone conversation. You must speak from the heart and in your own words.
If you have poetic talent, then write a poem. However, on the day of a person’s death, reading it will be inappropriate. This option is suitable for a wake on the ninth day or on the first anniversary of death. The poem does not have to be read. It is better to write it on paper and place it next to the photograph of the deceased.
Alternatively, you can submit an obituary to a newspaper. A funeral note can be individual or collective. However, this does not replace personal communication.

Features of memorial speeches for 1 year after death

It is not enough to know what to say at the wake; you need to conduct the meal and all the rituals correctly. The speaker and those present follow a number of rules.

Minute of silence

The action requires silence for a certain period of time (often less than 1 minute). Relatives should not talk.

The first word of the head of the family

In almost all religions, the first priority is the funeral speech of the eldest member of the family. This is, first of all, a tribute of respect, and additionally an opportunity to hear wise words. Then they let the others tell it.

But they follow the order: the first-degree relatives speak first, then the second, etc.

The speech is made standing

Only people with disabilities, the sick, and pregnant women are allowed to sit at the table. The rest remember the deceased by making a speech while standing. This is a tribute to the deceased.

Good or nothing about the deceased

When a mourning speech is given at a funeral, farewell words to the deceased, as in the future at wakes, should be said in a positive way. This is how the deceased is honored. The Church prohibits speaking negatively, because God can judge.

Take a couple of candles and flowers with you for remembrance

Flowers are a sign of respect for relatives; they are considered a symbol of attention to the deceased. Candles are a basic religious attribute. You can take a few extra candles in case more guests come than planned.

Funeral candles and flowers

Common phrases of mourning

There are well-known mournful phrases, among them:

"Rest in peace". They say it after burial and at wakes.
“The pain of loss cannot be expressed in words.”
“I offer my condolences and sincere sympathy for your grief.”
“Please accept my condolences on the death of (name of deceased IU).”
“We will keep in our hearts the good and bright memory of (IU).”
“I was shocked to the depths of my soul by your grief. I mourn with you."
"My condolences. It's hard to believe that we won't see (IW) again. I share your pain of loss."

Acquaintances, friends

I sympathize with your grief.
Kingdom of heaven, may the earth rest in peace...
I see how dear he was to you, please accept my condolences...
News of death is the most painful and depressing. I can't believe it! My heart also hurts from what I heard.
No matter what, you need to continue to live and remember this person with kind words.
When grief comes to the house, no one is ready for it. And the pain is great! I will help you take this blow of fate...
I am completely saddened by the news of your loss. Words are unlikely to help, and it is inexpressible. Is there anything I can do for you in this situation?
At the moment of life loss, we understand what is most important to us. Seeing the grief that has overtaken you, I will refuse words! But remember, I am nearby!

Source

How to Tactfully Offer Help

If it is possible to provide financial assistance, then this should be done in person; it is unlikely that they will ask you for money, although a funeral is always a big expense. If you wish to participate in the period of preparation, conduct or after the funeral ceremony, you need to offer your services. The person will know that there is someone to turn to.

Phrases you can use to express your desire to support a grieving person:

“Allow me to provide you with financial assistance.”

“I will be there and provide all possible assistance to you and your family.”
“You can count on my support these days. I will help in resolving any (or specific) issues.”
“Don’t be shy, count on my participation.”
“I really want to help, count on me.”

Offering help must be sincere. In order for a person to feel your participation, he may really need it, then as the words are spoken, take his hand(s) in your palms and squeeze lightly. The mourner will definitely feel the sincere power of your words.

What to say at a wake: 9, 40 days, six months, anniversary of death

If immediately after the funeral procession all those who came gather to remember the deceased, then on the 9th and 40th days it is enough to invite relatives and close friends. Otherwise, the principle of commemoration is the same. A more emotional coloring of speech is noted at 40 days and 1 year. Funeral words should not be about unrighteous deeds or insults. You can take as a basis a standard sample speech containing an introduction, main part and conclusion.

At a wake, among loved ones, stories with humor are often heard, in which the deceased was a participant, but the meal does not turn into a feast.

Forms of expressing condolences

The depth of the experience varies depending on who exactly the person has lost. How to cope with the loss of friends or a close relative: mother, father, children. Therefore, words of condolences must be selected in accordance with the loss that has occurred.

The cause of death must be taken into account; it may vary:

Due to old age.
Due to a serious illness.
Early, sudden, premature death.
Tragic death, accident.

The only unshakable condition that must be observed is to speak words of condolences sincerely and from the heart.

Words of condolences

Regarding the death of grandmother or mother

If a person has lost his mother or grandmother, then you can support him with the words:

“I share the pain of loss and experience it with you. I will remember (IU) with the warmest words.”
“This loss is difficult to accept. It’s painful to even think that (IU) is no longer with us, but the bright memory will always remain in our souls.”
“How early God took your mother. How hard it is for you, what grief. Please accept my sincere condolences."
“Sincere condolences to you, my dear. What a wonderful person has passed away. It’s like a candle has gone out.”
“The eternal memory will remain in my soul of your mother (grandmother). She was always kind and welcoming. I mourn with you."

Regarding the death of a father or grandfather

Words of loss regarding the death of a brother, father or grandfather:

“Please accept my sincere condolences. I feel deeply about caregiving. He was a support for you and your loved ones.”
“(name of the deceased) was a strong personality. Therefore, we need to be wise and persevere through this grief. We will continue what he did not finish.”
“We will carry the good memory of him throughout our lives.”
“I offer you my deepest condolences. I am very saddened by the death of your (IU). He was a wonderful man and we will miss him just like you.”
“Please accept my condolences in connection with the passing of a loved one. Be strong, I am always with you."

Regarding the loss of my husband

If a woman’s husband has died, then express your sympathy like this:

“Sorry for your loss on the death of your husband. You walked through life together, but you had to experience this grief. We will help you get through these difficult days. Be strong."
“It is impossible to make up for the loss. But the Lord will give you strength to survive the loss. We will always keep the bright memory of (PS).”
“It’s difficult to find words of consolation. The loss is irreplaceable, but we will be there, remember that.”

Regarding the death of a brother or friend

If a person’s brother or close friend has passed away, you can express your support with phrases such as:

“An irreparable loss. We can't believe he's gone. Eternal memory (IU)."
“He left this world, but remained in our hearts. We will remember him as long as we live."

Words of support

Relatives of the deceased

You can express condolences to the relatives of the deceased in writing by sending a message or telegram:

"Our condolences. It's hard to talk, and even harder to come to terms with the loss. Bright memory".
“It is impossible to resurrect (IU) with words, but we will be there. Eternal memory to the golden man."
“A bright man has left our world. Grief cannot be expressed in words. He (she) lived modestly and quietly, and left as if a candle had burned out. The Kingdom of heaven".

To a close friend or girlfriend

If grief happened to a close friend, then you can express condolences to him with words such as:

“Your grief has deeply wounded my heart. I don’t know if my words will console you, but you can count on me in everything. Let us pray together for the soul of the deceased.”
“Please accept my condolences my friend. I deeply respected (IW). It is difficult to find words of consolation, as I understand the severity of the loss. I will be there and together we will survive this grief.”
“My friend, I am sincerely sorry that he (she) left, but (IW) is looking down on us from heaven. Be strong. Count on my support, I share your grief and troubles with you.”

To support a close friend, first of all, to be close to her. When you first meet, be sure to hug and say words like:

“My dear, Friend, I will pray for the peace of the soul (IU) with you. Only prayer will help you survive this grief.”
“Your grief is my grief. I experience it with you and thank fate that I was familiar with (IU and degree of relationship).”
“It’s very painful now, my dear, be strong. I will support you in everything. You can count on my help at any moment."
“This news shocked me to the core. I will never forget how she (he) greeted guests, was kind to everyone and tried to help. I sympathize and cry with you.”

Work colleague

If grief happened to a work colleague, then you can support him with words such as:

“I know about the death of someone close to you. I will pray for the repose of his soul.”
"Our condolences. We will pray for her (him). May the Lord reward her (him) for all the good deeds done on Earth.”
“We are shocked by what happened. We sincerely sympathize with you and offer our help.”
“The loss of someone close to you has shocked us. We share the bitterness of loss, mourn and pray with you. Everlasting memory".
“The loss of a mother is a difficult grief. It's always difficult to say goodbye to loved ones. We mourn with you."

Regarding the death of a work colleague

If it so happens that a work colleague has died, then at the memorial table or in the cemetery you can say the following phrases:

“We worked together for several years and met almost every day. He was a good worker, and his young colleagues looked up to him as an example. He (IU) will forever remain in our memory as an example of life wisdom, humanity and honesty. Rest in peace".
“His (her) dedication to work and friendly attitude towards colleagues will forever remain in our memory. We loved and respected (IU), and now we will remember with kind words and prayer.”
“He (she) was a great friend and colleague. We will miss (name of deceased). The Kingdom of heaven".
“It’s hard to believe that he (PS) is no longer alive. Just recently we went out to lunch together, drank coffee and laughed merrily. I will miss you, your advice and jokes. Sleep well".

Short phrases about the loss of loved ones

Sometimes it is enough to limit yourself to a few words, but they must be sincere:

“This news shocked me. It is difficult to accept and impossible to come to terms with. Be strong."
“I share with you the pain of loss.”
“This news came as a heavy blow. Let us pray and remember (IU).”
“He (she) meant a lot to us. We grieve with you."
“Grief clouds the mind. Be strong, he wouldn’t want to see your tears.”

Funeral poems

It is usually difficult to read a funeral speech if it is written in prose. The poetic form is often more suitable:

We know you can't be brought back
Your deeds are an eternal memory,
And only the soul remains with us,
You illuminate our life's path.

Sleep tight, my angel,
Eternity will take you in its arms,
You held on for a long time, steadfastly,
The torment of hell is behind us.

Thank you for being in the world
Thank you for loving me too.
For all the years that we lived together,
I ask one thing - so that you don’t forget.

Candle for the repose of the soul of a loved one

This order is unshakable.
The passage of time is eternal.
Let it be quiet and sweet
Your peaceful sleep!

When parents leave
The light in the window goes out forever.
Your father's house will be empty and maybe you will
I dream about it much more often.
Read also: 23 ways to put a spell or curse on a person

Funeral words

Muslims

If a Muslim’s loved one has died, you can support him with the following phrases:

“May Allah forgive all the sins of the deceased and comfort you.”
“May Allah forgive the sins of the deceased.”
"May Allah have mercy on him."

Among the Orthodox

An Orthodox person can be supported with short phrases like:

“Terrible loss. I pray for the soul of the man of God (IU),”
“Bright peace to ashes (IU).”
"Rest in the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Rest in peace".
"The Kingdom of Heaven and Eternal Memory."
"God is merciful."
"Lord, rest with the Saints."

How to express sympathy to the parents of children who have passed away?

The death of children is a cruel mistake of nature. It is children who must bury their mothers and fathers, but not vice versa. There is no consolation for the parents, grief until the end of their days, only pray for their repose and be, if possible, close to the mourners.

2014 was a difficult year in my life, I almost lost my son, he is in a stroller, but alive. But he is with me, I can hug him, kiss him, press him. But this year, a friend of mine lost two minor children and her husband in a car accident. What words? They simply don't exist. She herself is a psychologist, works at a school where her children ran along the corridors. Where this woman got and gets the strength to live on, only she knows.

“What a misfortune. I mourn with you."

Tatyana Snezhina “We are only guests in this life”

Psychologist's commentary on the importance of meeting relatives at a wake

Khalzanova Svetlana Borisovna

Practical psychologist

The collective experience of grief and the delivery of funeral speeches gives more results than trying to cope with it alone. Support, conversations, joint memories of the deceased - all this unites and distracts from the main source of pain. Gradually, people concentrate less on it, relax, and begin to experience their grief. I believe that relatives can gather at the table even every week and make a memorial speech, but not to lament about the deceased, but for support; even an abstract but sincere conversation will help in this case.

Important points

When offering words of condolences to any person regarding death, you need to pay attention to such nuances as:

When the situation requires an official tone, for example, the boss’s mother died, then you can express condolences in writing, from the entire team. If it was decided to present them personally, then this should be done by one person. You should not visit the mourner’s office or home in a group.
You should not read at a funeral or wake a poem that was found on the Internet. If it is truly sincere and corresponds to the situation, then you need to write it on paper and give it to the relative of the deceased.
Sorrowful condolences to the dearest people are expressed in sincere words, moving away from cliched phrases. There is no universal advice here. You need to listen to your heart. Often touches (hugs, a hand on the shoulder) are stronger than touching words of sympathy.
When pronouncing mourning words, you need to rely on 4 feelings: sincerity, desire to help, sympathy and attention to the person.
People in a state of deep grief may respond inadequately to even the most sincere condolences. You should not be offended by them or sort things out. Anger at the whole world, depression, guilt, rejection of what happened - all this is a variant of the norm. Awareness of the situation occurs differently for everyone. It takes time and sympathy from loved ones.

As Cicero said: “The life of the dead continues in the memory of the living.” Therefore, we need to remember about relatives and loved ones who have passed on to the next world. This is what you should teach your children.

Take care of yourself and your loved ones!

Words of grief to family and friends

What words are said when a person dies?

Sincerity is the main value when you express condolences face to face. It is necessary to take into account the degree of closeness of the deceased, whether you knew each other before, how much time has passed since the date of death, the history of relations with the relative.

Words of grief and sympathy should be modest and friendly, without surprises or extravagance.
Especially
condolences to a friend or girlfriend

In grief, the feeling of sincerity and falsehood intensifies. Feel free to choose in advance and at home say a couple of phrases of condolences out loud several times . This will allow you not to think about the wording at the right time and concentrate on the person and the circumstances.

Condolence is not just a word

Don't be shy about your feelings. If you want to hug a friend, touch her shoulder or hug her, shake a friend’s hand - shake it. A tear rolls down - don’t turn away, but brush it away.

Take a bag of clean napkins with you: they may be useful to you or someone present.

Condolences in a speech at a wake

The pathos of a public speech at a 40-day memorial service provides for a more formal expression of condolences than in a personal conversation. You can use a short verse, a quote from the Bible, or a saying from one of the greats.

The rules of a funeral speech require focusing on one quality of the personality of the deceased person and illustrating this character trait with a specific incident from life.
What do they say at funerals?

Words of grief in memory of the deceased and condolences to relatives should fit into the semantic range of the eulogy and enhance the impression of the story.

Not every epitaph, but some are definitely appropriate as a condolence message at the 40 Days commemoration . Look through the conveniently presented texts of epitaphs on this site, and you will soon find several appropriate phrases for speech at a wake .