Death anniversary: when and how to commemorate, what is ordered in the church

Commemoration of the dead is a tradition characteristic of many beliefs. In accordance with religious teachings, when people die, they do not disappear forever, but move to another level of existence. The main commemoration takes place after the death of a person on the day of his funeral; it is also customary to remember the deceased on their birthday and on the anniversary of their death.

Why remember the dead

According to the Orthodox tradition, a person’s life does not end after death. And if on earth the period is limited, then after death the soul awaits eternal existence. She can go to heaven or hell. What the life of the soul will be like depends on two factors:

human activities on earth, his actions, decisions, relationships with God;
prayers of other people for the deceased after his death.

The second point is the wake. Contrary to popular belief, this is not a feast to which all acquaintances are invited, although it is not prohibited. First of all, remembrance involves prayers for the soul of the deceased, positive memories of him.

The Bible says that the final fate of the soul will be determined not after his death, but on the day of the Last Judgment - the second coming of Jesus. Since the deceased can no longer influence his future through right actions and faith, his loved ones do this for him.

Deeply religious people remember relatives who have passed on to another world as part of daily prayer. Most Christians do this on the ninth, fortieth day and on the one-year anniversary of death.

Funeral service: which days after death should be dedicated to the deceased?

People say that a person is alive as long as the memory of him is alive.

In the first year, the deceased is remembered quite often not only by grief-stricken loved ones, but also by everyone who takes part in the wake.

Funeral rites are mandatory for Orthodox Christians. They are carried out according to specific rules that you need to know in order to provide peace and grace to the soul of your loved one.

Conventionally, any commemoration can be divided into 2 parts:

Church. This includes a memorial service ordered by relatives in the church and a series of prayers read by those close to the deceased. Unchurched people are afraid of making a mistake, ordering something wrong, doing something wrong. Don’t worry, because any temple will tell you the right decision.
Gastronomic. That is, exactly what we mean when we say the word “commemoration”: a dinner to which people from the close circle of the deceased are invited so that they remember his soul.

Another important point is visiting the cemetery. At a wake, you go “to visit” the deceased in order to:

demonstrate to him that you have not forgotten about him;
tidy up the grave;
bring fresh flowers;
put a treat for the poor, who will eat it with gratitude for the remembrance of the soul.

In the first year there are quite a lot of funerals:

After the burial. It is on the day of the funeral that the first memorial dinner is held, to which everyone who paid their last respects to the deceased in the cemetery is usually invited.
Breakfast. On the morning after the burial, the family goes to the graveyard to take breakfast to the “deceased” and remember him near the grave. No one except the closest relatives is invited to this action.
3 days. This date is important specifically for the family of the deceased. The main stages of the commemoration: visiting the burial and family dinner.
9 days. It is believed that for up to 9 days the human soul lives in the “booths of paradise”, but not yet in heaven. Funeral services are held precisely on the ninth day, because that is how many “angelic ranks” there are.
40 days. According to Christian canons, it was on the 40th day that Jesus Christ ascended to heaven - which is why the date is so important for Christians. Funeral services for the “fortieth birthday” are a prerequisite.
Six months. The date of the funeral is not considered mandatory, and therefore is missed by many. If you want to remember your loved one on this day, visit the cemetery, order a memorial service in the church and sit modestly with your family, remembering the good things about the deceased.
1 year. The last major memorial number. On this day, they not only order a memorial prayer service, but also organize a large dinner in honor of the deceased. Ideally, you should invite everyone who was at the funeral, but if finances do not allow, then you can get by with a smaller number of “guests.”

After a year has passed from the date of death, you can remember your loved one whenever you want (for example, on the day of his birth and death, on other dates that are important to you), ordering memorial services and handing out candy for the repose of the soul. There is no longer any need to organize large feasts.

The most important memorial dates, in addition to the funeral date and 1 year, are the 9th and 40th days. We’ll talk about them in more detail later, because many traditions have been forgotten.

The history of the days of remembrance

In Russia, the most widespread religion is Orthodoxy, although the choice of any belief is acceptable. The funeral that most people imagine is a combination of traditions from several cultures. From the point of view of Orthodoxy, on the anniversary one must pray for the soul of the deceased, but more often people simply visit the cemetery and then gather at the table.

According to the accepted rules, only baptized people are commemorated; those who have not undergone the ritual do not have a relationship with God. You also cannot pray for suicides, heretics and non-Orthodox people. Next, we will consider, if a year has passed since the date of death, how to remember a baptized person.

What to do on this day

The one-year anniversary of death is the day on which the eternal life of the soul begins. There are certain recommendations associated with holding this date. Firstly, the wake should be held in a narrow family circle; it is not customary to invite a large number of people to the anniversary. Secondly, you should visit the cemetery; organizing a small service is acceptable. Thirdly, the table is set. If the anniversary of death is 1 year, the question of when and how to commemorate worries close believers.

There are strict recommendations for each of the described points. But the extent to which people follow them depends on the level of dedication of the family. The main thing that guests should not do is give recommendations and instruct the relatives of the deceased. Funerals are organized by certain people and in the way they see fit. The year after death is a sacred date in many religions, but only Christianity has strict rituals and principles.

Visit to the cemetery

A visit to the cemetery on the anniversary of death is an important point; you can reschedule the trip only in case of serious reasons:

Bad weather conditions - rain, snowstorm, floods.
Being in another city – a business trip or relocation.
Illness or feeling unwell.

Even with all the above reasons, it is worth planning an early visit shortly or as soon as possible after one year from the date of death.

Directly at the cemetery, it is customary to do a little cleaning of the grave, remove weeds or clear snow, depending on the time of year. You should take a new wreath or basket with you. Fresh flowers (Orthodox tradition) are also placed, but subject to regular care of the grave, since they then need to be collected. Many families bring alcohol, sweets and other food to the cemetery, and leave some of it at the grave - this is typical of paganism.

If not only close relatives plan to come to the cemetery, then it is better to remove the grave in advance. In particular, it is worth periodically painting the fence, if there is one, and monitoring the availability of soil. The plaque on the monument must be clearly legible.

According to Orthodox traditions, you should come to the cemetery in the first half of the day - up to two o’clock.

Almsgiving

One of the forgotten traditions is giving alms. A year after death, you should make sure that more people remember the deceased positively. To do this you can:

Give old things of the deceased to friends in need, for example, your husband’s watch or your mother’s clothes.
Make a donation to a church or any social institution - a nursing home, or boarding school.
Distribute food and sweets to petitioners at the church.

Almsgiving assumes that people who have received one or another gift will remember the deceased with a kind word. It is not necessary that everyone read the prayer service, but a positive offer of thanks is sufficient.

Commemoration of the deceased 2 years after death

Funerals 2 years after death usually take place in the circle of close relatives and good friends. By this time, the grief and pain from the loss subsides a little, remaining a quiet sadness in the heart. People gathered at the funeral table remember the deceased with kind words. Basically, it’s up to you to decide whether to hold a funeral 2 years from the date of death or not. In Orthodoxy, this date of death is not highlighted, but at the same time, the church does not prohibit commemoration on this day or on any other day.

Is it possible to celebrate a funeral 2 years after death later?

It also happens that the anniversary of death falls on a weekday, when it is difficult to gather all loved ones for remembrance. In this case, it would be best to order a memorial service in the church on the immediate date of death and pray for the deceased, and invite relatives to a memorial dinner on any other convenient day.

How to do funerals for 2 years?

On the day of the funeral, leave your everyday worries and affairs, free up time to remember the soul of a person dear to you. On this day, in the morning, go to church, order a prayer service for the deceased, light a candle, and pray for him. Here in the church, you can buy candles that need to be lit at the grave. It’s good if you say a prayer at the cemetery. You should not leave alcohol on the grave; Orthodox traditions are categorically against this. Take treats, sweets, cookies, candies with you and distribute them to those in need, and ask them to pray for the peace of their souls.

Most often, people who are well known to the deceased gather for a wake 2 years after death, and the memorial meal takes place in calm conversations and memories of the deceased, his good qualities and good deeds.

When deciding what to cook for a 2-year-old funeral, remember that any funeral dinner begins with kutya. All other dishes on the table can be chosen according to your taste. Just don’t forget about fasting days, and during strict fasting, exclude meat dishes.

We advise you to adhere to the following rules to maintain a friendly atmosphere at the table:

Limit the amount of alcoholic drinks. The church does not prohibit alcohol at funerals for 2 years from the date of death, but this day should not turn into a party. Everyone knows what unpleasant consequences an excess of alcohol can bring, so leave only a symbolic amount of strong drinks on the tables.
Jokes, laughter and anecdotes at the funeral table are more than inappropriate. Let the conversation take place calmly, in moderate tones, without swearing. Even very funny stories from the life of the deceased should not be responded to with violent laughter.
Well, it’s obvious, but strangely enough this also happens, the funeral table is not the place for drinking songs. Be that as it may, even if only people gifted in this art are gathered at the table, or you want to perform the favorite composition of the deceased, refrain. Any other day of the year is suitable for choral singing, and devote 2 years of the funeral to memories and prayer for his soul.

If you decide to celebrate a funeral 2 years after death and want to spend it calmly and without unnecessary hassle, for a memorial dinner, contact professional establishments, where they will certainly help you organize the table and meet the guests.

What do they order in church on the anniversary of death?

Christian traditions require the living to pray for the dead. It is believed that with continued mention, even serious sins can be forgiven. In this regard, the first thing ordered in the church is a funeral service.

If you wish, you can order Sorokoust - a commemoration within forty days before the Divine Liturgy. As part of it, the priest mentions the name of the deceased daily during the service. Placing a saint in a church in memory of the deceased is a sign of respect for his soul; this is not accepted among Muslims.

What is a memorial service

A memorial service is a church ritual aimed at showing love to a person who has left the earth. It is held in the temple and involves a certain set of actions:

purchase unsweetened pastries or fruits;
food is brought to the church along with a note on which the names of all deceased relatives are indicated;
names are filled out on a special form issued at the church;
everything brought is placed on a special table, as if for lunch, and prayer is performed around it for fifteen minutes.

You cannot bring sweets or alcoholic drinks to the table. It is believed that at the time of the funeral service the soul of the deceased comes to the church and stands next to the family near the table.

A similar ceremony is usually held on special days - parental Saturday, Radonitsa, as well as on memorial days - the anniversary of death or godina, as it is also called. But it is not prohibited to order a memorial service on any other day. God will release a soul if relatives come to it and pray for it, and will also take this into account when determining its eternal destiny.

The memorial service is held after the morning service and is a paid service. The cost depends on the specific church, so you should find out the price on the spot.

Funeral in a cafe

In recent years, it has been customary to organize wakes in cafes. On the one hand, this frees the owners from the hassle of cooking and cleaning the house before guests arrive; on the other hand, it requires certain organizational tasks. Recommendations for holding a wake in a cafe include:

Book a few tables or even a small room in advance.
Warn the administrator that there will be a wake, not a holiday.
Agree on the menu. If the cafe is not ready to make special dishes, agree that they will be brought with you (for example, kutya must be additionally consecrated in the church).

An alternative to a cafe, which also allows you to avoid cooking, is to order meals at home. In large cities there are many catering companies, some of which even offer special funeral menus. There is no such obligatory custom as holding a wake at the home of the deceased.

Who to invite

If it is customary to invite everyone who would like to honor the memory of the deceased to a funeral, then the anniversary of death is a more private event. In most cases, only relatives and close friends are invited to it. The list of guests is determined by the organizer.

Even if a person who was not invited came on his own, it is permissible not to invite him to the table, take him aside and ask him to leave. Such an act will not be considered an insult to the memory of the deceased. Especially considering that the wake involves primarily prayers, and not eating.

There are certain recommendations for seating the guests. First of all, the closest relatives (mother, father, children) choose seats, then more distant relatives sit down with those with whom they are related. Friends are seated according to seniority. It is worth noting that this rule is rarely followed.

Death anniversary menu

Food at a wake should be modest and not very plentiful. Preference is given to dishes that the deceased loves. The Orthodox Church is against large amounts of food, since the main thing is prayers for a person.

The menu for the wake is compiled in accordance with the preferences of the organizers. Dishes accepted for Godina include: jelly, kutia and pancakes. Also, Christians tend to cook something with fish. Other options for what to serve include:

fresh salads with beets - vinaigrette or grated vegetable with garlic;
snacks in the form of sauerkraut, pickled cucumbers;
sliced cheese, meat, if the deceased was not a vegan.

Chicken or turkey are often baked as hot dishes. You can choose any side dish - potatoes, vegetables. There should also be dessert on the table in the form of sweets and fruit pies.

Funeral table

It is important to exclude champagne from the menu, as it is intended for festive events. Strong drinks are acceptable from alcohol, although the church is against the presence of any alcohol-containing products.

As part of the wake, one should remember the good deeds of the deceased on earth, his positive character traits. Funny stories and incidents are also not prohibited, but speaking badly about the deceased on this day, as on any other, is prohibited.

How to dress correctly

Clothes for a funeral do not play a decisive, but important role. Preference should be given to dark colors and closed styles. The restrictions are not as strict as the dress code for a funeral, but sequins, bright colors, open shoes and low necklines will not be appropriate.

When planning a trip to the cemetery, it is worth considering weather conditions. Since it is often located in an open area, it is better to dress warmly. Women need to take care of having a headdress in the form of a headscarf. You will need it when visiting church.

Funeral speech

A wake is not a noisy feast, but a quiet family event dedicated to the deceased person. Therefore, you need to pray for the soul of the deceased and remember him with a kind word. It is also customary to give a memorial speech; it is aimed at the loved ones of the deceased. The appeal structure is as follows:

indication of the names and relationships of those to whom the speech is addressed;
words of sorrow;
a description of the positive qualities of the deceased relative or friend;
life achievements and successes of the person who has left the world;
words of condolences to loved ones.

The speech must be sincere and come from the heart. In most cases, friends prepare it for the anniversary, turning to relatives. A late memorial is support for relatives, indicating the good traits of the deceased.

How to honor the deceased yourself

It is also permissible to remember a person independently, that is, without the involvement of the church and clergy. To do this, you should read prayers at home on the anniversary, for example, the Psalter. Firstly, the charter is indicated in all church publications, and secondly, between the psalms there are prayers in which the names of the deceased are included.

Funeral service for 2 years after death

ONLY YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS AND RELATIVES ARE PRESENT

A memorial meal for two years after death is not considered obligatory, but you will probably decide to honor the memory of the deceased on this day. Usually only the closest friends and relatives of the deceased are invited to this dinner. A funeral service for two years can be arranged either in a cafe or at your home.

A SPECIAL METHOD OF SERVING THE TABLE

In any case, such a meal is not an ordinary feast; it involves special dishes and a way of setting the table. Church canons recommend not serving alcohol at a funeral meal, but in fact, few funerals are complete without alcohol - red wine, strong drinks.

KUTIA WITH RAISINS AND HONEY

The main dish at the funeral dinner is kolivo, a porridge made from whole grains of wheat or rice with raisins and honey. The funeral meal itself begins with such a dish; everyone who comes to remember the deceased tries it. for two years at . Pancakes, syta (kanun), compote or berry jelly are also mandatory on the funeral menu.

ON THE FUNERAL TABLE FOR TWO YEARS THEY PUT:

cold appetizers - vinaigrette, cheese and sausage slices, salad;
fish dishes - salted herring, fish pies;
hot meat food - borscht, roast, pies;
Gingerbread cookies, gingerbread cookies, sweets, and pies are suitable as sweets.

FUNERAL DINNER: WE WILL DO EVERYTHING WITH DIGNITY AND QUALITY

The loss of a loved one is always a difficult test for relatives, because in addition to bitter experiences, they have to deal with a large number of events, including organizing a funeral.

If you need to hold a funeral, we will be glad to help you!

General network phone number - 8-812-920-56-46

You can hold an event in one of eleven halls:

Banquet hall "Borisov" (Budapestskaya str. 8, building 4)
“Funeral meal” (Gzhatskaya, 9)
“Funeral meal” (Yuri Gagarin Ave., 37)
“Funeral meal” (Pyatiletok Ave. 8, building 1)
“Funeral meal” (Toreza, 95)
“Funeral meal” (Nastavnikov, 34)
“Funeral meal” (Veteranov, 16)
“Funeral meal” (15th line of Vasilyevsky Island, 76)
“Funeral meal” (Pargolovo, Pacific, 10, building 1)
“Funeral meal” (Polytechnicheskaya, 17, building 3)
“Funeral meal” (Gakkelevskaya, 22, building 1)
“Funeral meal” (Nepokorennykh Ave., 74)
“Funeral meal” (2 Ekaterininsky Ave.)
“Funeral meal” (Kazanskaya st., 45)
“Funeral meal” (Kurskaya st., 24)
“Funeral meal” (Kolpino, Tverskaya st., 1/13)
“Funeral meal” (Bolshoi Sampsonievsky Prospekt, 80)
“Funeral meal” (Varshavskaya, 98)

As soon as the funeral ceremony at the cemetery ends, your guests will be seated in comfortable agency buses and transported free of charge to one of these establishments.

To do this, the total amount of the funeral dinner must be at least 20,000 rubles.

Call 8-812-920-56-46 - and you will be spared the hassle of a funeral dinner.

We also organize catering at your home; we can hold a ceremony not only according to Orthodox, but also according to other rituals.

All cafes in our network are consecrated.

The opinion of the Orthodox Church

The Orthodox Church supports the idea of a commemoration on the anniversary of a person’s death, but notes that many traditions and canons are violated by people, which distorts the main principles. Relatives should remember that the most important moment is prayer for the deceased, and not the feast or even cleaning the grave. Both of these aspects also play a role, but not the main one.

Clergymen often point out that wakes do not involve the consumption of alcohol. People explain the presence of vodka and other strong drinks on the table with the desire to drown out the grief of loss. On the one hand, this is logical, but on the other, it has nothing to do with Orthodox traditions and is interpreted as blasphemy. In memory of the deceased, you need to order a service, pray, and not make toasts.

In general, representatives of the clergy note that modern commemorations on the anniversary of death are a combination of Christian and pagan traditions that existed in Rus' even before its baptism. In this regard, the attitude of the church towards many rituals is ambiguous, and towards some it is acutely negative. The family should decide in advance whether the funeral will take place according to Orthodox traditions or according to the canons accepted in society.

The anniversary of death is one of the memorial days indicated in Christian books. It is believed that the eternal life of the soul begins with it. On this date, it is customary to pray for the deceased, visit the cemetery, church and set the table. The event is of a narrow family nature and does not involve inviting unfamiliar people.

Organization of a memorial meal

Lunch can be prepared at home, or you can order it in a cafe or restaurant. Modern catering establishments try to do their work efficiently in a competitive environment. Therefore, everything for the funeral will be prepared at the highest level. The interior of the room can be decorated as the deceased would like it, and his favorite items can be taken out. We should not forget about Orthodox traditions. When organizing a wake 3 years from the date of death , you need to light candles and read prayers. After all, according to Orthodox canons, the three-year anniversary is the last time when relatives, acquaintances, and colleagues of the deceased gather. On subsequent anniversaries, commemorations are held in the narrowest circle.

What do you prepare for a funeral?

If the wake coincided with the passage of Lent, then the table for the funeral dinner should be decorated with dishes that do not contain animal products. You need to bake lean pancakes. The funeral table should contain more fruits, vegetables, and fish dishes. The baked goods are prepared without milk or eggs.

Many people don’t know what to cook for the 2nd anniversary . The assortment of funeral dishes for the next anniversary is no different from the dishes that are prepared for 9 or 40 days. There must be kutia, pancakes, jelly or compote. The table should be modest and simple; there is no need to get carried away with culinary masterpieces and delicacies. After all, a wake is, first of all, a tribute to the memory of the deceased, and not a feast. It is not advisable to drink alcohol at a wake, and if you cannot do without it, then limit the amount you drink.

On the day of remembrance of a deceased loved one, it is important to remember him with kind words and pray for him. If possible, you can go to the cemetery and lay flowers. You can also clean up the grave, fix the fence and monument. Departed relatives and loved ones are alive in our hearts as long as we remember them. Read more about memorial days here