Spiritual life of the family
Published 05/05/2014
In this article we will look at some of the features of intimate relationships in a Christian marriage. This article is intended for married Christians. Genesis 1:27-28 says:
“And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them, and God said to them: Be fruitful and multiply.”
God created man and woman and blessed them to be fruitful and multiply. God intended a close, intimate relationship between husband and wife to be a blessing and bring much joy to both spouses, and not just be a “marital duty.”
1 Corinthians 7:2-5 says, “But to avoid fornication, let each one have his own wife, and each one have her own husband. The husband show his wife due favor; likewise is a wife to her husband. The wife has no power over her body, but the husband does; Likewise, the husband has no power over his body, but the wife does. Do not deviate from each other, except by agreement, for a while, to practice fasting and prayer, and then be together again, so that Satan does not tempt you with your intemperance.” God designed marriage so that husbands and wives would learn to satisfy each other's sexual needs and receive pleasure from each other. “Enjoy life with the wife whom you love all the days of your busy life, and whom God has given you under the sun for all your busy days” (Ecclesiastes 9:9). “May your source be blessed; and take comfort in the wife of your youth, the dear doe and the beautiful brimstone; let her breasts make you drunk at all times; delight in her love constantly” (Proverbs 5:18-19).
In one famous joke, a big fat wife wakes up her little husband after a stormy night, and he shudders in fear: “What again?” “No, to work.” "To work! To work! To work!".
It is interesting that the Bible emphasizes: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be united to his wife; and the two will become one flesh. And Adam and his wife were both naked, and they were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:24-25). Before the Fall, Adam and Eve were naked, not ashamed, but enjoying each other’s beauty. And only after sin did they feel shame: “Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked, and they sewed together fig leaves and made aprons for themselves” (Genesis 3:7).
God considers close intimate relationships in marriage so important that he dedicated the entire book of Song of Songs to them. We will look at some of the things that the Bible talks about in relation to both husbands and wives, so that we can know them better, understand them and learn how to give more than we take in our relationships: “And remember the words of the Lord Jesus, for He Himself said: “This is more blessed.” to give rather than to receive” (Acts 20:35).
Psalm 139:14 says, “I will praise You, for I am wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works, and my soul is fully aware of this.” Husbands and wives are very wonderfully made, and we need to know and realize this in order to love each other even more.
What the Church says about marital intimacy before communion
Communion is a sacrament that consists of consecrating bread and wine in a special way, and then consuming them. It enables the church member to be “united with God in Christ.” Regular communion is required for the salvation of the soul and eternal life.
Like every sacrament of the church, you need to prepare for communion. Before the expected day of the sacrament, according to the rules of the church, you must fast for 3 days. This also applies to marital relationships. The Church establishes that it is forbidden to make love before communion, especially on the night before the sacrament. As for abstinence after, it should also be until the evening of the day when the sacrament was performed. There is no need to abstain for three days, as before.
Is it possible to go to a cemetery on Christmas?
Commemoration of the dead is a very important tradition. Life continues after death. And it is very important to pray for those who are not with us. But on the Feast of the Nativity itself, it is not customary to go to the cemetery because of the special meaning of the Nativity holiday.
Archpriest Igor Fomin answers:
“They don’t go to the cemetery on Christmas itself, because it’s the twelfth holiday. The twelfths are holidays that are dogmatically closely connected with the events of the earthly life of the Lord Jesus Christ and the Mother of God and are divided into the Lord's (dedicated to the Lord Jesus Christ) and the Theotokos (dedicated to the Mother of God). These days we are encouraged to forget about everything and focus all our thoughts exclusively and undividedly on the joy of the holiday. Therefore, on Christmas Day, church commemoration of the dead is even canceled in churches. From the next day after Christmas, that is, from January, it is already taking place.
The importance of keeping fasts
In the Orthodox Church, communion involves a short fast so that a Christian can cleanse his soul and body before God. Observance includes not only the renunciation of certain foods, but also the renunciation of social entertainment and, of course, marital intimacy.
Fasting is considered a spiritual feat, an expression of Orthodox asceticism. The Church follows the instructions of the apostles, holy fathers, and the rules of the Councils, which indicate its importance for the spiritual life of a Christian and his salvation. Fasting is called grace, the beginning of spiritual achievements, the path to virtue, food for the soul, the source of wisdom and virtue.
According to the rules of the church, intimate relationships during the period of fasting are a personal matter for each family. And it should be decided by the husband and wife together.
Why can't you drink water on Christmas?
This question is also asked very often. So here's the good news, dear friends: YOU CAN drink water on Christmas!
The Church does not forbid us to drink water; not a single rule says anything about this.
Moreover, water must be consumed even to maintain your well-being.
Each of us has our own head on our shoulders.
By giving ourselves this or that attitude, we doom ourselves to certain consequences.
If a person has got something into his head, he will subconsciously go towards it. Before you know it, you’ll find yourself at a dead end, and how much precious time and effort wasted on this?
If a person is sure that seven years of bad luck awaits him because of drinking a glass of water, of course he will focus his attention only on the worst things happening to him. Joy may be right under his nose, but he has no time for that, he cannot rejoice, since everything must certainly be bad. And then it’s not far from a nervous breakdown. And this is even in the best case.
But why devalue your life so much? Your future? Can such a precious gift as life be contained in a glass of water?
So, before asking why you can’t drink water on Christmas, it’s better to think about who you are and why you live.
What the saints say about abstinence in marriage
Carnal restrictions were prescribed for believers in the Old Testament. The Gospel and church tradition since the time of the apostles point to earthly life as preparation for eternal life. One of the norms of Christian life is moderation and abstinence.
Centuries-old family experience shows that the need to temporarily abstain from intimacy preserves and strengthens the mutual attraction of husband and wife to each other. Conversely, the absence of restrictions leads to the opposite result.
The ban on marital communication before communion is written in Rule 5 of Timothy of Alexandria.
It is associated with Christian asceticism, as is temporary from food and drink. Spiritual exercises exist so that a person can achieve an internal state that will facilitate connection and meeting with God. This is a fight against sinful desires and passions.
Violation of the food fast, according to the rules of the church, results in excommunication from communion. The rules say about marital fasting: one must abstain from intimacy only by mutual consent, but in such a way that it does not lead to schism and division in the family. This attitude of the church towards married life, in general, is reflected in the words of the Apostle Paul, who said that abstinence should be by mutual consent, that is, this is a matter only for the spouses themselves.
At the same time, if one of the spouses insists, the other needs to give in, since dissatisfaction can lead to adultery. Or even if there is no adultery, the rejected spouse will be irritated, and this will lead to quarrels in the family.
This is a matter of private life, therefore it is not regulated in Orthodoxy. Canonically, only a ban on intimacy is established on the night before communion.
God forbids forced abstinence due to fasting
In the same place where spouses are told not to shy away from each other, the following is also said:
...except by consent, for a time, to practice fasting and prayer, and then be together again, so that Satan does not tempt you through your intemperance. (1 Corinthians 7:5)
God's Word is clear that spouses cannot decide for themselves to include sexual abstinence in their fasting. This must be a joint decision, of good will, and with both spouses setting the time of their fast. No one has the right to impose such a post on another, refusing to fulfill marital duty.
conclusions
So, the position of the church on the issue of marital intimacy can be expressed as follows: abstinence will be beneficial for the body and soul during fasting days. But this should be by mutual consent of the husband and wife, not to the detriment of one of them. The church does not establish how long this period will last. The only restriction is the ban on marital relations after and before communion. This rule appears in the Old Testament, when the people before the coming of the Lord to Mount Sinai were ordered to abstain from their wives for 3 days.
There are no strictly established rules on the issue of marital relationships, since this is an intimate, delicate topic that does not imply clear restrictions. There is no general agreement on this issue even among the holy fathers. In past centuries, the instructions for fasting were also different. They were formed and established gradually.
Now the requirements of the Church Charter say that it is advisable for a Christian family to abstain from relationships before Sunday (Saturday evening), before the Twelfth Feast and before Friday and Wednesday (Thursday evening and Tuesday evening). Also during periods of multi-day fasting, especially during Lent, and during preparation for communion.
This is what the rules say, but in each case, nothing prevents a loving wife and husband from being guided by the instructions that the Apostle Paul gave to Christians.
The man in the book of Song of Songs
Let's first look at the man, what psychological characteristics and expectations he has from his relationship with his wife from the book of Song of Songs.
In the book of Song of Solomon 1:9 it is written: “Your cheeks are beautiful with pendants, your neck with necklaces.” The husband enjoys the beauty of his wife, her cheeks and neck.
In the book of Song of Solomon 1:14: “Oh, you are beautiful, my beloved, you are beautiful! your eyes are dove." He likes the beauty of her eyes.
In Song of Solomon 4:1-5: “Oh, you are beautiful, my beloved, you are beautiful! your dove eyes under your curls; your hair is like a flock of goats coming down from Mount Gilead; your teeth are like a flock of shorn sheep coming out of the pool, each of them having a pair of lambs, and not one barren among them; your lips are like a scarlet ribbon, and your lips are kind; your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate under your curls; your neck is like a pillar of David, built for weapons; a thousand shields hang on it - all the shields of the mighty; your two breasts are like the twins of a young chamois grazing among the lilies.” He likes her hair, her smile and her body.
In Song of Solomon 6:6-7: “Your hair is like a flock of goats that come down from Gilead; your teeth are like a flock of sheep coming out of a pool, each of them having a pair of lambs, and not one barren among them; your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate under your curls.”
In Song of Solomon 7:1-10: "Look, look, Shulamite! look around, look around, and we will look at you.” Why should you look at the Shulamite as at the round dance of Manaim? Oh, how beautiful are your feet in sandals, eminent daughter! The rounding of your hips, like a necklace, is the work of a skilled artist; your belly is a round cup in which the fragrant wine does not run dry; your belly is a heap of wheat, surrounded by lilies; Your two breasts are like two kids of goats, the twins of a chamois; your neck is like a pillar of ivory; your eyes are the lakes of Heshbon, which are at the gates of Bathrabbim; your nose is the Tower of Lebanon, facing Damascus; your head is like Carmel, and the hair of your head is like purple; the king is fascinated by your curls. How beautiful you are, how attractive, beloved, with your cuteness! This figure of yours is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like bunches of grapes. I thought: I would climb a palm tree and grab its branches; and your breasts would be like bunches of grapes, and your nostrils would smell like apples; your lips are like fine wine. It flows straight to my friend, it delights the lips of the weary.”
What striking characteristic of men do we find in these passages? He likes to admire and enjoy the beauty of his wife. He pays attention to every detail and praises every part of his lover's body. And he also strives for physical intimacy (Song. 7:8-10).
In Songs 4:9 and 6:5 it is written: “You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride! You have captivated my heart with one look from your eyes, with one necklace around your neck. Turn your eyes away from me, for they trouble me." Sometimes a woman's gaze is enough for a man to melt his heart and awaken his feelings.
In the book Song of Solomon 4:10-11: “Oh, how sweet are your caresses, my sister, my bride! Oh, how much your caresses are better than wine, and the fragrance of your ointments is better than all aromas! Honeycomb drips from your lips, bride; honey and milk are under your tongue, and the fragrance of your clothing is like the fragrance of Lebanon!” The husband likes the caresses and hugs of his wife, kisses and pleasant incense, pleasant smells.
In the book of Song of Solomon 2:14: “My dove is in the cleft of the rock under the shelter of the rock! show me your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet and your face is pleasant.” A man likes the sound of his lover's voice.
To summarize, we can say that a man “loves with his eyes,” he especially loves to enjoy the beauty of his wife, and he strives for physical intimacy. He is captivated by a woman's gaze, gentle voice and pleasant smells. He likes affection, hugs and kisses.
Intimate relationships or sex
There is no concept of sex in the Bible, but Holy Scripture pays a lot of attention to the intimate life of believers. From time immemorial, the connection between a man and a woman has been an object of desire and an open door to temptation.
Sex has always been associated with depravity, which has been known since the beginning of time. For debauchery, homosexuality and perversion, God burned the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah with fire, not finding righteous people in them. The concept of sex is associated with oral and anal copulation, which Orthodoxy classifies as perversions according to the Bible.
In order to protect believers from the sin of fornication, God, in chapter 18 of the book of Leviticus from the Old Testament, described point by point with whom one can have sexual intercourse.
Imagine, the Great Creator Himself pays great attention to close, sexual relationships, blessing intimate life in marriage.
Wedding of spouses
Why can't you embroider at Christmas?
Archpriest Alexey Uminsky answers:
– Everything that brings a person real, living, pure and sinless joy cannot be prohibited during fasting. For example, sports, if a person is used to jogging in the morning for his health, why can this interfere with fasting, it does not interfere with fasting in any way. Or a person loves very good classical music, and this music helps a person build his own inner world, like me, for example, I will hear good music and some things like irritation or fatigue, sometimes melancholy from bad weather during fasting, it will suddenly dissipate not even prayer, but just good music. And this is wonderful, because it helps in life. Same with handicrafts. It, for example, was one of the necessary forms of monastic existence, including during Lent. The monks were always doing something with their hands - this was an opportunity to concentrate on prayer while doing handicrafts and at the same time do something with their own hands in order to provide themselves with some kind of subsistence level. So there is nothing terrible in this; on the contrary, it is very commendable.
Prayers
When sprinkling a house, it is customary to read the following prayer in order to protect the home from the bad thoughts of other people and the penetration of unclean forces: “O Great Lord God, I ask for the help of your great gift and holy water in cleansing my sins and giving me bodily strength, I ask for health, about the power that helps overcome worldly passions. I hope for Your mercy. Through the prayers of the Mother and all Your saints. Amen".
Troparion
“The Jordan River returned back, from the ministry of the prophet Elisha until the ascension of Elijah, and the waters separated and went into different channels, and the path on the water became dry for the Almighty, this was the true prototype of baptism, which we follow in the flowing life.”
Kontakion
“Being under the streams of the Jordan to this day, the Lord Almighty turns to John: “Baptize Me, fear nothing, I came to save the soul of the primordial Adam.”
Is it possible to work on Christmas Day?
“If your work schedule is set by employers and Christmas falls on a working day, you can and should do your work honestly and conscientiously.
And don’t be tormented by regrets, but simply wait patiently for the moment when you too can celebrate the birth of the Lord, go to church, sit at the festive table with your family.
If you set your own work schedule, then, of course, try to free up Christmas Day. Of course, not for lying on the sofa with a bowl of salad, but for worship, for charitable deeds. To be happy at Christmas, to bring Christmas joy to someone else, is a great way to spend the holiday.”
Signs
Folk omens have long been established and listened to in every home:
- A snowstorm on Christmas Eve will lead to a good harvest next summer.
- Everyone has bathed and steamed in a Russian bathhouse. He will be healthy, beautiful and prosperous.
- If you are tired of freckles on your face, you can get rid of them by washing your face with melted snow on the holy night.
- Small crosses must be drawn on windows and door frames to protect the home from evil forces.
There is an opinion that on the night of January 19, heaven is especially favorable to believers: if you make a wish, it will come true.
Why can't you knit at Christmas?
Making things with your own hands has always been held in high esteem.
Since ancient times, people have been able to knit, sew, and embroider. With such a skill you will not go anywhere.
This is work, sometimes long and painstaking, and it requires strict concentration.
It can serve both as a means of one’s own prosperity and income, and for the benefit of someone else.
In addition, when you create something with your own hands, you realize your capabilities, the abilities that God has endowed you with.
If this business brings you joy, which you will then share with your loved ones or help someone, then what kind of prohibition can we even talk about here?
Archpriest Pavel Velikanov answers:
– In general, all these prohibitions on conducting this or that activity on holidays, not only Christmas, but also any other church holidays, stem from an extremely formal understanding of Saturday, as a holiday, as a special day that a person devotes to God. And if we understand that the day according to the commandment, dedicated to God, is a day of holiday, then we first of all try on this day to increase the degree of those good deeds for which we usually do not have enough time and energy during other days of the week. So who says you can't knit at Christmas? If you promised someone to knit, mend, mend something and the only free time you have falls on Sunday or Christmas Day, take it and do it!
How to combine chastity and sex
Christian Family is a small church based on love . Purity and chastity are the main canons of Orthodox relationships, most of all revealed in the sexual relationship of married spouses.
The Church in no way excludes sexual relations between partners, for this is an act created by the Creator Himself to fill the earth with His children. Church laws clearly regulate the life of Orthodox believers, including spiritual, mental and physical life.
To be immersed in God's grace, all Orthodox Christians must grow spiritually:
- read the Word of God;
- pray;
- keep fasts;
- attend temple services;
- participate in the Sacraments of the church.
Even monks living in monasteries are not deprived of spiritual experiences, but what can we say about ordinary Christians who are in a sinful world?
Every day, every person needs food, communication, love, acceptance and sex life as a natural part of human existence. The Orthodox Church, according to the Word of God, blesses the sex life of a married couple, limiting it for a certain time, this also applies to food, fasting, entertainment and various types of work.
Prayers for the family:
- Prayer for peace and love in the family
- Prayer to Matrona of Moscow for the well-being of the family
- Prayer to Nicholas the Wonderworker for family
Relationship between husband and wife
In the First Epistle to the Corinthians, in chapter 7, the Apostle Paul literally described the behavior of marriage partners during solitude: “Intimate relationships are the law, and it is not permissible for healthy people to refuse them, for in this case both partners will be guilty of adultery: the one who refused and led to sin, and the one who could not resist and fell into fornication.”
Attention! Nowhere in the Bible does it say that the only reason for marital intimacy can be the birth of a child. When touching on an intimate issue, there is no talk about children at all, but only about love, pleasure and close relationships that strengthen the family.
Icon of the Eve of Epiphany
The canon of iconography dedicated to the great celebration of Epiphany has remained unchanged from ancient times to the present day. Before the eyes of believers on the icon of the day appear: the Son of the Most High Jesus Christ, his Baptist John, heavenly angels, a snow-white dove and the heavenly hemisphere. John's right hand touches the body of the Savior, which symbolizes the great sacrament of baptism. The angels are holding a cloth that is intended to dry the body of the Lord.
Is it possible to swim on Christmas Day?
Swimming can also be considered a matter of personal hygiene, unless of course you just want to swim in a pool or any other body of water.
But both are not prohibited in themselves. The most important thing is what you choose between and what should come first.
Archpriest Pavel Velikanov answers:
– If a person is faced with the choice of going to the temple of God or instead getting into the bathtub, then of course it is not advisable to swim, but in all other cases it is possible and even necessary to swim at Christmas.
By entering into intimacy with our spouse, we are not doing him a “favor,” but only repaying a “debt.”
“The husband show his wife due favor; likewise is the wife unto her husband” (1 Cor. 7:3).
It is in this area that in most cases human thinking works exactly the opposite. Some people don’t even see a problem in the fact that they always do a favor for their spouse. This favor must be begged for, earned, waited for, in the mood, earned. But listen, God himself made you a “debtor” to your spouse. What do you say about a financial debtor who considers repaying his neighbor a “favor” and is not going to try? I'll repeat it again. It was not your spouse who made you a debtor, but God. This self-giving is fully in keeping with the spirit of the Gospel: it is more blessed to give than to receive (see Acts 20:35).
