MARRIAGE, FAMILY AND FAMILY VALUES
ENTRY INTO MARRIAGE
So, most priests are married, but they do not get married. Why? Because a candidate for ordination must take care of starting a family in advance. Let's put it this way: someone who wants to take holy orders must either get married (if he is not already married), or become a monk, or remain single (celibate) - but in this case, he will no longer be able to get married after taking orders. It should be noted right away that celibacy is highly discouraged by our clergy, which is why there are very few single priests in the Russian Church. In the Catholic Church, mandatory celibacy is accepted. Hence the passions that provide rich soil for the creativity of writers and directors - this is the school "Gadfly" and the popular women's novel "The Thorn Birds"; the list can be continued for a very long time. Such passions do not threaten us, we have our own, something else. According to the rules of the Church, a priest can only be married for the first time. If for the laity a second and even third marriage is allowed, then for the clergy there is only one. If a priest is widowed or for some reason separated from his wife, then he can no longer marry under any circumstances, unless he resigns from the priesthood. This is an unshakable law. Sometimes tragedies happen on this basis. For example, a priest is widowed or separated from his wife, but he is still young and handsome. Where are the guarantees that he won’t fall in love with another woman and then won’t want to throw in his lot with her? What to do, life puts him in front of a dilemma: service to the Church or a happy marriage. There have been cases in history when a priest did not want to leave either his ministry or his beloved woman. The beloved had to become a secret wife, and the priest had to make a difficult compromise with his conscience. Pop Gapon is famous in the history of our country, but few people know how his life drama began. Georgy Gapon was an ordinary priest and madly in love with his beautiful wife. After the birth of his second child, his wife died. Apparently, this grief broke Gapon. At first he tried to live an ascetic life. One day I gave my last boots to a beggar. And then the fall began. Father George has a secret partner. Then there were more women in his life, and after them came the revolution.
Another detail that is often unknown even to Orthodox laity. The bride of the future priest must be a virgin. Similar requirements are imposed on her fiancé. This law has been known since Old Testament times. By the way, in modern Israel, such a law still applies to the descendants of the tribe of Levi (priestly tribe). Therefore, Israelis with the surname Kogan or Cohen, in order to be able to marry a divorced woman bypassing the strict law, are forced to register their marriage, for example, in Cyprus. In Orthodoxy, there is only one exception to this rule: if fornication (extramarital relations) or the first marriage occurred before baptism. We have canonical second-marriage priests who were baptized in adulthood and had a lot behind them. Baptism makes it possible to start life with a blank slate, which is why such priests are not considered second marriages. Moreover, the bride and groom do not have the right to enter into intimate relationships before the wedding, otherwise the path to the priesthood will also be closed, especially if the bishop has very strict views. Seminarians like to calculate how long after the wedding their married brothers had their first child. If after the wedding the required nine months had not passed, then they began to make friendly fun of the newly-made father: did he not have anything before the wedding, otherwise, you see, canonical obstacles will appear. So, to be ordained, it is not enough to have the desire, theological and statutory knowledge. Many readers will probably doubt that such strict rules still exist and are even enforced. We will have to disappoint some - the rules are actually followed, violations are quite rare and remain on the conscience of either the candidate who hid his obstacle from the bishop (as it is called), or the bishop who knew about the obstacle but made the decision to ordain. By the way, it’s only in the yellow press that all the priests are depraved, and the bishops are homosexuals. Our book speaks only about the real state of affairs without embellishment or denigration. One of our friends, let's call him Kostya, married a divorced woman with a child. A common thing for both Orthodox and secular people. But all our mutual friends were shocked when Kostya announced that he was going to be ordained. Everyone froze in anticipation and began to monitor the developments. They didn't have to wait long. He was actually ordained as a deacon (the initial degree of priesthood) and sent to serve in a parish near Moscow. It turned out that he hid from the bishop that his wife was a second wife. Soon Kostya had a serious conflict with the abbot. The abbot harbored a grudge. And then, just in time, the rector finds out that Kostya deceived the bishop. Having convinced himself of the reliability of the information received, that is, not being too lazy to go to the registry office and make inquiries, he immediately reports the accomplished fact to the Patriarchate. As they say, everything secret becomes clear. Kostya was quickly deprived of his rank - at the moment when he was about to submit a petition for ordination to the priesthood.
HOW TO MEET ME IN THE SEMINARY
The seminary is not only an educational institution, but also a place where young people find brides. As a rule, seminarians try to get married during their studies in order to graduate from the seminary already in ordination. In the first grade, students get used to a new way of life and get involved in their studies. In the second, in addition to studying, they begin to look closely at brides, in the third they try to make a decision so that in the fourth grade they can get married and be ordained right away. Naturally, not everyone succeeds so smoothly. Not everyone completes their studies for the priesthood. There is such a seminar joke. The seminarian approaches the first girl he comes across and says: “Allow me to meet you, otherwise I’ll be ordained in a week and I urgently need my mother.” As they say, there is a grain of humor in every joke, and they even say that this anecdote is taken from real life. I even know a real case, how one seminarian prayed for a long time at the relics of St. Sergius for the gift of a bride to him. And then one day, after praying, he decided to himself that whoever he met first would be his bride. Yes, for this it was necessary to have serious boldness and great faith, because such things are not joked about. But his faith was rewarded. This seminarian comes out of the church and on the threshold literally runs into a girl who is rushing to St. Sergius. What follows is acquaintance and a happy marriage. It is believed that if a young man comes to the seminary, it means that he has already embarked on the path of spiritual service. Therefore, trial options like “I’ll study and then think” are not practiced here. Unlike a secular university, in a religious educational institution it is almost necessary to get married, or rather not to get married, but to decide, that is, choose your path - after all, you can become a monk. If seminarians do not have the opportunity to marry, then where will there be priests in the Church? After all, our Church is Orthodox, not Catholic, and a minority, about ten percent of all students, accept monasticism. Among secular people there is still a legend about the seminary that in the Trinity-Sergei Lavra there is a so-called “alley of brides.” Any girl who wants to meet a future shepherd can sit on one of the benches there and wait for her betrothed... In reality, all this has nothing to do with modern reality. In the fifties, the newly opened seminary for some time coexisted with the regional pedagogical institute. The seminarians began to meet future Soviet teachers. The authorities quickly stopped such a harmful tradition by moving the pedagogical institute to the city of Orekhovo-Zuevo, away from the religious intoxication. Maybe there was a similar tradition in those days, but there is no real evidence of this. And why this alley, if the seminary itself is full of young ladies eager to get married?
Vladislav Tsypin, professor, doctor of church history, master of theology, head of the department of church-practical disciplines, teacher at the Moscow Theological Academy:
– Canonically, second marriage is unacceptable. The canons absolutely reject this. Experiences in introducing second marriage took place at various times in some Local Churches. Here, in the Russian Church, this topic was discussed in pre-revolutionary times, but the Local Council of 1917-1918. I certainly rejected this possibility. But nevertheless, in our country this tradition was introduced by schismatics-renovationists, and in Ukraine by schismatics-“self-saints”.
This is an extremely dubious decision, from a canonical point of view, which, unfortunately, may even provoke a split within the Churches. It is very likely that there will be bishops and priests who will never want to put up with this. As for inter-church relations, I don’t think that this alone could lead to a break between the local Churches and Constantinople, but if there is a combination of some other decisions, anything can happen. We cannot know this in advance.
If we talk about widowed priests, especially young ones, celibacy is a problem for them. But this is not a problem for the Church. There is a path that was established here in Russia in the 19th century, when a widowed priest at a young age could file a petition for deprivation of his priesthood (due to the fact that his celibate life was difficult for him), and subsequently his rights were limited in to a lesser extent than someone who was defrocked by a court. I would also like to note that the Church will not solve its personnel problems by allowing priests who have entered into a second marriage to remain in service.
Can a monk return to the world?
The rector of the Optina Metochion in St. Petersburg, Abbot Rostislav (Yakubovsky), left the monastery and got married. This act caused widespread discussion on the Internet and received various assessments.
Photo: Doxologia.ro
Can monks break their vows and return to secular life? Is this considered a violation of church canons? And is it possible to return to the monastery again later? Experts comment.
Archpriest Vladislav Tsypin, photo: Patriarchia.ru
This is a departure from the tradition of the Orthodox Church
Vladislav Petrushko
Vladislav Petrushko, Doctor of Church History, Candidate of Theology, Professor:
– This decision is clearly an expression of the modernist course that has dominated the Patriarchate of Constantinople over the last century. If they recognized our Renovationists as the legitimate authority after the Revolution (who, in turn, introduced similar decisions on second marriage), then, in general, there is nothing surprising here. This is a departure from the tradition of the Orthodox Church, which was absolutely clearly stated in the canons of our Church.
Leaving monasticism is a personal catastrophe, but not a violation of the canons
Archpriest Vladislav Tsypin, Church historian, teacher at the Moscow Theological Academy:
— Until the mid-19th century in Russia, legal abandonment of monasticism was impossible. Those who escaped from the monastery were subject to detention and return to the monastery, and, if necessary, to placement in the monastery prison. They could not legally stop being monks.
However, later monks were allowed to ask to have their monastic vows removed if they were unable to keep them. This permission is still in effect. Naturally, if such a monk had the holy rank, then he was deprived of it too. Having become a layman, the former monk is no longer subject to any special penalties and has the right to marry - it goes without saying, unless he already had several marriages before becoming a monk. The third marriage was allowed as an exception, but the fourth was not allowed at all.
It was stipulated that the monk must first submit a petition to remove his vows, and not decide his relationship with the monastery after the fact - having already left and started a family. This procedure was required by the decree of the Synod. At the same time, young priests were also allowed to ask for defrocking in a similar manner.
Of course, in personal spiritual life, leaving monasticism is a catastrophic situation. But this cannot be considered a violation of the canons. For one hundred and fifty years now, the Church has been allowing such a way out.
At the same time, you need to understand that church teaching does not put, for example, baptism and monastic vows on the same level. Baptism is a sacrament, one of seven, but tonsure, associated with vows, is not such a sacrament. Another thing is that among the monastic community itself there is a very widespread belief that this is a sacrament.
It is possible to return to monastic life after taking off your vows, and this is even good. Unlike the priesthood, to which there is no return after leaving it, monasticism does not provide for an impeccable life in the past. Mistakes of a past life are not an obstacle to tonsure if there is repentance. If a person took off his monastic vows and then returned to them again, this is correct. Of course, if he is bound by marriage, then it would be rash to tell him - get a divorce and return to the monastery. But if he is widowed, it is better to return than to remain in the world.
In the history of the Russian Church there is a well-known case with Fyodor Bukharev. In the 19th century, this archimandrite, a professor at the Kazan Academy, asked to have his vows removed, got married and was defrocked. He could no longer teach at the academy, but until the end of his life he continued to write theological works, remained a church writer, and censorship allowed his works.
Protodeacon Andrey Kuraev, photo: Yulia Makoveychuk
Will monks be allowed to get married?
On June 23, 2014, the second edition of the project “Regulations on monasteries and monastics” was published on the website of the Moscow Patriarchate. The first was presented for discussion on May 30, 2012 and at the same time caused a number of comments from the author of this article, mainly in connection with its silence about the personal property of monastics and those entering monasteries (see “NGR” dated 06.20.12). The main part of these comments (except for the regulation of the issue of personal property of the abbot of the monastery) was taken into account by the developers in the second edition of the project. At the same time, it also contains a number of contradictions and vague formulations in other aspects of the life of monks.
In Chapter 7 of the draft “Provisions...”, which is called “Leaving a monastery or monasticism,” paragraph 7.1.1, on the one hand, speaks in great detail about the irreversibility of monastic vows. On the other hand, it also states: “Leaving monastic life for the sake of worldly affairs has been perceived by the Church since ancient times as a violation of moral and canonical norms and entailed a number of consequences reflected in the rules and regulations of the church.” However, there is no mention of leaving the monastic life “for the sake of spiritual affairs.” Such a silence actually creates a gap, which by its existence refutes the thesis substantiated in the same document about the “irreversibility” of monastic vows.
It is surprising that the draft does not contain a clearly formulated ban on monastics entering into “family relationships” that corresponds to the letter of the monastic vow of chastity (virginity). Thus, on the one hand, the preamble to Chapter 7 states: “Abandonment of monasticism, according to church canons, is a canonical crime and is subject to a certain punishment (penance), the duration and extent of which is determined by the diocesan bishop, taking into account the specifics of each case.” On the other hand, paragraph 7.1.2 contains the phrase: “In modern church practice, the issue of actions regarding monastics who have entered into family relationships is decided by the diocesan bishop after considering all the circumstances.” At the same time, it is said just above that “individual holy fathers looked at the marriage of such (that is, monks, “taking wives into the communion of marriage and cohabitation.” - “NGR”) from the point of view of oikonomia.” The principle of oikonomia consists in the non-application of church canons or disciplinary rules in the event that the use of them may cause temptation; resolving church issues from a position of leniency towards the persons concerned.
In the same paragraph 7.1.2, with reference to church canons, it is said: “If a monk or monk who is in holy rank dares to leave the monastery and get married after ordination, he is deposed.” However, there is no mention of monks who are in holy orders, but “dared to marry after ordination” while serving under obedience from the hierarchy outside the walls of the monastery: serving in parishes, in foreign spiritual missions, teaching in religious educational institutions, and also elevated to the rank of bishop . For these categories, judging by the letter of the project, options with the possibility of “family relationships” are possible.
Paragraph 7.3, which talks about the possibility of “leaving the monastery without renouncing monasticism,” is also formulated very ambiguously. It goes like this: “In church practice there are exceptional cases when the person leaving the monastery has no intention of giving up monasticism. After considering all the circumstances, the diocesan bishop may give a blessing to leave the monastery while retaining the right to wear monastic robes and the monastic name, participate in the Sacrament of the Eucharist and, in the future, perform a monastic funeral service for such a monk.”
According to such formulations, the following option is possible: 1. A person who has accepted monasticism, leaving the monastery, has no intention of abandoning monasticism; 2. He “entered into family relations” (see the wording of the above-mentioned paragraph 7.1.2); 3. To such a person, the diocesan bishop, after considering all the circumstances, “may give a blessing” to retain the right “to wear monastic robes and a monastic name, to participate in the Sacrament of the Eucharist and, in the future, to perform a monastic funeral service for such a monk.”
Thus, the question of monastics “taking wives into the communion of marriage and cohabitation” is left to the discretion of the bishops. And the options for decisions about such persons, according to the letter of the document in question - from defrocking and the assignment of penance to leaving to serve in a monastic form. That is, monastics, under certain conditions (the main one of which, essentially, is the bishop’s “forgiveness, blessing and love”), according to the draft “Regulations...” under consideration, can enter into “family relationships.” And the document under discussion provides ample opportunities for the continuation of monastic service to monastics “who take wives into the communion of marriage and cohabitation.”
In the same document, attention is drawn to the following words of the preamble to Chapter 7: “Acceptance of monasticism is canonically irreversible.” Why was the word “canonical” included? Taking into account the above, it is clear that in practice options are possible. Moreover, if we remember the well-known “game with canons,” which boils down to the fact that literally anything can be justified by church canons.
The draft “Regulations...” contains another significant innovation: those clothed in the ryassophore are classified as monastics. Thus, in the same preamble to Chapter 7 it is said: “Whoever has received tonsure of any degree (into the cassock, mantle, great schema) changes his canonical status and is considered to have entered the monastic order.” And in paragraph 6.3.2 about the ryasophore tonsure it says: “The question of what status - layman or monastic - those who have received monastic tonsure have, has been raised for many centuries, including in Russia.” And further it is said: “The classification of the ryassophores as monastics is based on the following evidence...” (liturgical, canonical and patristic evidence is listed). However, there is no mention of the fact that ryassophores, that is, those tonsured into incomplete monastic vows, are classified as laymen! Despite the fact that they were defined precisely as such until 1917, both in Russian legislation and in the definitions of the highest body of church government - the Holy Synod. Thus, according to the decree of the Synod of July 21, 1804, it was forbidden to call persons tonsured into the ryassophore monks (Complete collection of laws of the Russian Empire. T. XXVIII. St. Petersburg, 1830. Art. 21408. pp. 463–464). In the definition of the Holy Synod of December 21–31, 1853, it was stated that tonsure into the ryassophore “in no case can be considered as tonsure into monasticism,” and in the definition of August 8, 1873, it was said in fact the same thing: that those tonsured into the ryassophore in they do not hold the monastic rank and enjoy all the rights like the laity (Russian State Historical Archive (RGIA). F. 796. Op. 209. D. 1576. L. 474–479 vol.). By the decree of the Synod of September 9 of the same 1873, novices of monasteries were prohibited, before they were tonsured into monasticism, “to wear monastic attire and take other names, under the fear of strict liability for this according to the law, as for accepting a name and title that does not belong” (quoted from: Samuilov V. Ryasofor (Historical information) // Additions to the Church Gazette. St. Petersburg, 1905. No. 42. pp. 1788–1789).
In general, if the discussed “Regulations on Monasteries and Monastics” is adopted in its current form, church life will be filled with significant innovations.
Failing to remain celibate and honestly declaring it is a worthy act
Protodeacon Andrey Kuraev, professor of the Moscow Theological Academy, senior researcher at the Department of Philosophy of Religion and Religious Studies, Faculty of Philosophy, Moscow State University:
- The man could not resist in a pure celibate life, decided to get married and honestly announced it. In my opinion, this is better than if he continued to pretend to be a monk - deceiving himself, the Church, and people. In this sense, I consider the departure of Father Rostislav a worthy act.
There are situations when a person has already done something unworthy, but then decided not to add one sin to another. While not approving the first action, you can applaud the second. For example, a soldier of the Vlasov army who agreed to wear a uniform issued by the Nazis, but as soon as he got to the front, he turned his weapon against the Reich...
If we put some sexual adventures and a pure monastic life on the scales, then our Christian conscience, of course, is for the latter. But if the first has already happened (even if only in the mind), and a person no longer considers himself a monk, why keep him?
It is very important that we do not whoop after such people. The motives for relinquishing monastic vows are different. For some, this may be a change in worldview. We disappointed someone. Someone learned the bitter truth about himself - and the experience of monastic life could even help him with this. After all, a negative result is also a result... It happened that a person, having gone into the world, did something useful both for the Church and for the world.
It is important to remember that the monastic vow is a person’s vow not before the Church, but before God. This is his personal choice. This is not what the Church gives to a person. If a person promised to lift one hundred and fifty kilograms of iron, but only lifted eighty, this is his personal problem. In any case, he feels more bitter inside than we, outside spectators of someone else’s misfortune and someone else’s fate. So why should we blame him for this? Be glad that we ourselves are not like that? This is exactly what is called Pharisaism.
It seems to me that precisely if the gates of the monastery are always demonstratively open, if the monk remembers that there is an opportunity to leave the monastery, he will begin to renew his vows daily, and his monastic choice will become stronger.
Recorded by Mikhail Bokov
Pravmir Dictionary - Monastery, monasticism
This is a copy-paste from the Internet. God bless! Brothers help! Can a young hieromonk take off his hair and live piously if he has fallen in love with a woman and wants to marry her? Thank you in advance for your answer, Irina.
And what will it be like for this woman if she is called the wife of a defrocked woman...
A monk cannot take off his hair; such a rite is not used now. They themselves leave monasticism, becoming oathbreakers before God, who have not fulfilled the vows they made of their own free will.
Sooner or later, this monk’s family (he will never serve as a priest again) will fall apart. You understand that when tonsured, something inside a person changes, he is called to angelic life. And this does not disappear anywhere, even if the monk has fallen. However, a fallen monk is who... Compare: fallen angels are demons.
I advise a woman who has fallen in love with a monk to drive away devilish desires through an effort of will and with the help of prayer, under pain of eternal death, and to stop all communication with this person for the sake of saving both her and his soul.
Christ save you!
About priests' wives: is it easy to be a mother?
“So that women also adorn themselves in decent apparel, with modesty and chastity, not with braided hair, nor with gold, nor with pearls, nor with costly clothing, but with good works, as becomes women devoting themselves to godliness.” Apostle Paul. From 1 Timothy (Tim. 2:9-10)
Mikhail Nesterov. Bride of Christ
“Three girls were spinning under the window late in the evening...”
A.S. Pushkin. "The Tale of Tsar Saltan"
The clatter of the wheels of the electric train plunged me into drowsiness. In the darkness of the windows, the lights of the suburbs flashed more and more often. Sleep-deprived people filled the last seats, driving the “loungers” from the benches of the train. There was nervousness in the air from the fatigue accumulated over the week and tension from the upcoming working day. Three girls sank down next to me, enveloping the compartment in a cloud of a mixture of subtle perfumes. They chirped...
- Bear did something strange yesterday. He proposed to get married...
- Wow! — the girlfriend with red bangs exhaled. - And you agreed?
- And what will I do with this half-trained mechanic? Yes, on his salary I can go to the store once!
“Then wait for the prince... On a white horse... On a Merc...,” the red-haired woman remarked sarcastically.
“Girls,” the silent beauty with almond-shaped eyes addressed her friends. - You have to marry a priest. Remember, Lyudka studied with us in parallel? Her braid was still long.
- There was one. Her mother worked in the library...
- So she married the priest. He took her somewhere to the province. And their wives don’t work. He lives on everything that is ready. No worries, no problems...
You won't be jealous at the altar
How carefree is life for a priest's wife? Many people cry at first. They cry from unexpected loneliness. It seems like my husband is nearby, but he cares primarily about others. He grieves about others, rejoices about others. The main thing is that he is a clergyman. He makes a bloodless sacrifice for his people, serves God. This is what fills his heart and thoughts. Priests do not wear a wedding ring - they take it off before ordination as a symbol that from now on this husband no longer belongs to the family, but to the church. They say about a priest that he becomes engaged to his flock, but he still has a family, and so does his married wife, but she has even fewer rights to her priestly spouse.
External piety
Previously, before the social upheavals of the last century, when taking holy orders, the protege promised that from now on he would always walk only in clerical dress. And indeed, representatives of the clergy were seen only in a cassock or cassock, and boots. Thus, Orthodox mothers wore special clothes by which they could always be recognized. In old photographs we see them wearing rather wide tunic blouses, with long sleeves and a high collar, over which, in an official setting, they wear an elongated jacket and loose long skirts in all weathers. And no matter how lively and cheerful the priest’s wife
, she could not appear dressed in a corset, with a bustle, an open neck, and it was impossible to imagine her dancing at a ball.
In the early 60s of the last century, Khrushchev signed a decree prohibiting clergy from appearing in a cassock in public places, that is, outside the temple and apartment. Thus, the priests got suits, sweaters, and shoes. The wardrobe of the mothers has also changed, but still, the wives of the clergy today do not allow themselves frivolous toilets and decorative cosmetics.
Transparent walls
Mother’s life in the parish passes as if on a podium. She is noticed, seen and recognized, but such attention does not make life sweeter, but complicates it. Besides, mother needs to learn to keep her mouth shut right away. There are no special secrets in the personal life of the priest and his family, but in order to avoid temptation for parishioners and outside people to discuss this life, restraint is needed. The special attention of others to the priest’s house is often associated not with sinful curiosity, but with an example of how best to build one’s own life. There is nothing to do, and the priest’s family has to put up with it, but how difficult it is to raise children behind such walls.
Mother Olga with children
Father's children are fed sweets, despite any requests and prohibitions from their parents, and are indulged in pranks. Where another child would be scolded and punished, they wouldn’t even shake a finger at the father’s child. In such an atmosphere of double standards on the part of adults, the child wonders who is right, whether the good parishioners or the oppressive parents. In general, it is impossible to raise a child without restrictions and punishments, however, this is a family-intimate matter, and here the walls are transparent. The difficulty of upbringing also lies in the fact that the mother has to do this virtually alone. The example of a father in a priest's family is most often speculative. It would not be amiss to remember that our clergy, as a rule, has many children - seven, eight or more children are not uncommon.
Without doors
If the walls of the priest's house are transparent, then we can say that there are no doors at all. Previously in Russia (before the October Revolution), a nobleman, an official, and any person of the free class, being on the road, in the absence of an inn, could at any time count on spending the night in a priest’s house. Receiving strangers has always been a natural duty of the clergy, but all the troubles fell on mother’s shoulders. Indeed, hospitality, as a Christian virtue, has long become a feature of our national character. Moreover, it is inherent in the clergy. And again this embodiment of this virtue occurs through the mothers. Receiving, putting it on the table, creating a pleasant atmosphere is the job of the hostess. People come solely for the sake of communicating with the priest, and peeling mountains of potatoes, kneading dough for pies, frying cutlets is left to her. The number of guests that passes through any priestly house eventually makes its hostess a professional cook. People come to the priest's house more often in the hope of getting advice, hearing an opinion, and learning. The conversation usually takes place at the table, which the mother takes care of, but does not imply her participation in the conversation. If the conversation turns to personal matters, then mother is superfluous at that moment and she needs to leave. She is always with her father, but always only in his shadow.
And a little mom
They still turn to the wives of priests for advice and clarification. It is no coincidence that they are called mothers. Raising children, economic wisdom, reading, traditional medicine, traditions of Orthodox life, church etiquette - all these topics can be the subject of discussion with the parish mother. They also ask her about church services, about the meaning of Church Slavonic words, about the rules of prayer, about the lives of saints. In order not to get into trouble and, as they say, not to incriminate, mothers need to read a lot and constantly study.
Craftswoman
Mother Anna (Melenki).
Photo of the Ostozhensk Old Believers Community Many mothers work for the good of the Church. Usually in the temple where the husband serves. They lead or sing in the choir, restore church paintings and vestments, and teach in Sunday schools. This is not easy when you have many children. Today, any old temple needs almost constant restoration. And it is not surprising that many mothers, whose husbands are abbots, understand construction and finishing materials almost at a professional level. The usual picture: if there is no cook at the church, mother cooks for the patronal feast and other events, there is no one to sweep the yard - mother has a broom, there is no teacher in Sunday school - mother cooks and conducts classes.
Mother Anna leads the choir of the Moscow Old Believer Theological School
Reliable rear
The priest is traditionally called father or priest. This is not a rank or position, but only an assumed and proposed way of relationship with the flock: a respectful reminder of the duty to care, to be a father for Christ’s people. In the same way, the address to a priest’s wife “mother”, which is accepted in the Orthodox community, is not some kind of title for her, but only reminds of her position and responsibility. The words of the Apostle Peter about “the hidden man of the heart in the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” (1 Pet. 3:4) become the cornerstone of the entire life of the future mother. There is no other way. What is important to people is not the toy or made Mother, but the real one. She does not preach about the Savior, but embodies His preaching in her life, does not teach the truths of the Gospel, but affirms these truths through her actions.
Solomon's description of the virtuous wife in the Old Testament, where everything visible was a shadow of the spiritual, summarizes everything that can be said on this topic:
“Whoever finds a good wife, her price is higher than pearls. Her husband's heart trusts in her, and does not go unrewarded. She pays him with good, and not with evil, all the days of her life... She decides to buy herself a garden and acquires it, plants a vineyard with her own hands. Realizing that her work is profitable, she does not extinguish her lamp at night. He gets up before everyone else and feeds his family. He opens his hand to the poor, and stretches out his hands to the needy. She is not afraid of winter for her home, because all her household have warm clothes. She laid rich carpets. It is easy to distinguish her husband by his clean, good clothes. Durable and magnificent are her clothes; She greets the coming day with a smile. She opens her lips with wisdom, and gentle instruction is on her tongue. He carefully watches the progress of affairs in his house and does not eat bread in idleness. Her children get up and caress her, her husband gets up and praises her. There are many good women, but you have surpassed them all. Beauty is deceiving, beauty is worthless, but a woman who fears the Lord is worthy of praise. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and her works may glorify her” (Prov. 31: 10-31).
Father and Mother : Archpriest Leonty with his wife M. Paraskovia
Is it so easy to be a mother? In my opinion, this is the most difficult female cross - the path of a priest’s wife. It implies a lot of responsibilities and very few rights, and requires special self-denial. If this cross is accidental and unconscious, it will not only be difficult, it will become unbearable for that girl on the train, who thought that in this life there were “no worries, no problems.” But when it is perceived as a grace-filled opportunity to serve the Church through the service of a husband-priest, it becomes a source of joy. For it is said about him:
“My yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:30).
Author: servant of God Victor
Source: Starover Verkhokamya. Issue 2 (51), November 2017
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The girl went to a monastery, remained a nun for eight years and became a porn actress
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For people's rumors, and many church writers, the monk is no longer a person. He was reborn. Was a cocoon, became an airy spiritual floating creature, for whom there is nothing earthly. The view that one can stop being a family man for the sake of monasticism is popular and even traditional for Orthodoxy, despite the mystery of the union of husband and wife in Christ, despite the union of love that goes into eternity. Let us at least recall the well-known “legend” about the holy princes Peter and Fevronia (regarding the historical authenticity of which, by the way, there is no consensus). It says that the holy princes - husband and wife - separated for the sake of the monastery, which was quite consistent with the ancient Russian tradition. This topic is often celebrated in church sermons. Surprisingly, despite the refusal of marriage vows, for some reason it was Peter and Fevronia who were chosen as the patrons of the family. In their honor, a church-wide and state holiday of “family and fidelity” was even established! The Orthodox tradition does not know any counter-examples. Moreover, the harsh condemnation of those who left monasticism is clearly visible. Even starting a family and living a godly life means nothing. In the context of the relationship of the church community, leaving the monastery means a constant feeling of guilt and living in a space of some kind of unfinished business, even if this is the life of an exemplary Christian. Monasticism is perceived as rebirth, as the acquisition of a new nature - as if angelic, not human. You can't be born back. Angels don't just become human. This is a terrible sin. Very, very many people think so. About monasticism I once wrote in more detail about monasticism. It is known that it appeared during the period of the legalization of the Christian faith in the Roman Empire, during a certain general decline in Christian morals. Monasticism is initially the desire of some Christians for maximalism, it is the response of a living, sincere heart that loves God most of all, it is a search for the full implementation of the commandments of Christ. The essence of monasticism is to become a perfect Christian, to imitate the Lord Jesus Christ as fully as possible. This has nothing to do with what we know about various kinds of “eastern sages” or wizards like Gandalf. In this context, monasticism from the very beginning was understood simply and clearly - these are people who feel and see the calling of God in their lives: to serve God, to be, first of all, with Him in communion, in prayer, in fulfilling the commandments, in studying the word of God. This is where a certain withdrawal from the world or a break with the world in the literal sense occurred. People went to deserted places far beyond the outskirts of the villages and lived by their own simple labor, provided for themselves by selling baskets or hiring someone to work the land, and ate the simplest inexpensive food. Excess money and food were given to those in need. It was considered a duty to serve the poor, the infirm and the elderly. If a person asking for help came to the hermit, help was provided. Travelers were always accepted and given shelter and food. It is believed that the main work of monks is prayer and what is called “internal work,” that is, the internal struggle against sin. This, in particular, is where maximalism is expressed - to fulfill the commandments of Christ even in thoughts, desires and feelings. So that you don’t sin even in your thoughts, don’t seduce, so that you really learn to love your neighbor and be ready to serve even your enemy. Thus, Christian monasticism is not against something or someone. This is the embodiment of the calling and the talent that some people have. Just like talented musicians, writers or doctors. For Orthodox monasticism, various kinds of restrictions, abstinence and labors are nothing more than a tool that varied from monastery to monastery. Monastic traditions, both in ancient times and now, are not the same: in some places they ate meat, in others they ate only vegetables, in others they ate no more than once a week. In some places, joint obligatory, strict, lengthy common prayers were performed several times a day, and in others they gathered for such prayer once a week. Somewhere the discipline was iron,
somewhere everyone decided everything for themselves. Such diversity made it possible to identify and demonstrate everyone’s talents, because those who wished could find their place and their measure. After all, the essence of monasticism is to make a Christian perfect, and not to improve any skills or abilities. About vows Over time, by the middle of the first millennium, monasticism took its place in the church structure. From a private initiative it has turned almost into a structural unit, into a kind of spiritual army. Unification, regulation, and discipline came to monasticism, and therefore a charter, which, as we know, sometimes requires that “man be for the law, and not the law for man.” Monasticism was also institutionalized in the state life of Byzantium. Monks began to be perceived as special Christians and special citizens. With institutionalization, formalized obligatory rites of entry into monasticism also appeared, based on the now well-known promises or vows. Since then, before being tonsured, a candidate for monasticism is reminded during a special service that Christ Himself stands invisibly among those gathered. The abbot asks fundamental questions that require answers. The monk promises, with the help of God (!), to remain in the monastery until the end of his days, in obedience to God and the abbot, in non-covetousness, in chastity and celibacy. After which a tonsure occurs - a little hair is cut off in a cross shape. The monk is given a new name. All this, of course, is perceived as a rejection of the past. From now on, a monk is a new (different) person in the Church. Why can't you stop being a monk? In fact, a harsh negative attitude is present only in the minds of too many Christians who are jealous at the expense of others. They absolutize the vows that a monk takes. God is the Absolute. This means, in their opinion, the vows are absolute and cannot be broken. Therefore, nothing earthly, not even good, not even an honest marriage, can compensate for the renunciation of monasticism. Even if a Christian stopped being a monk not for the sake of some kind of villainy, but because of the realization that this was not his path, or did it for the sake of a new family, it is believed that he is doomed to eternal misfortune, because he betrayed God. Theology, church legislation, and especially the Gospel do not provide grounds for looking at monasticism so categorically. Of course, vows made to God are a very important thing and refusal from them cannot be approved. But at the same time, there is no magical power in the vows, they do not regenerate a person and do not bind him with “evil karma.” A monk is still a person and a Christian who has chosen a special path of life with God, and not slavery. Monastic vows vary at different times and in different ranks. This means that emphasis and wording are secondary, the main thing is a sincere desire to serve God. It is also known that when a monk becomes a bishop, he ceases to be a monk. His vows of obedience and non-covetousness become meaningless. A bishop is a ruler—the head of the Church. He is also a person vested with power, making decisions and managing property. And if vows can lose meaning, then it is impossible to perceive them with absolute immutability. And, most importantly, the God of Christians is Living and Personal. For the sake of people, Christ suffered, died on the cross and rose again. And if monastic life begins to destroy a person, leads him not to perfection, but to degradation, then doesn’t God see this, does God wish evil to man? It is impossible to believe that Christ would behave like the devil and appeal to a contract “signed in blood”, demanding his sacrifice at all costs. Monasticism, in its ultimate depth, is always a personal story of two - the monk and God. Yes, it is framed by the framework of the charter that the person accepted, and the rules of the monastery to which the person came. And if for some reason a person leaves the monastery, then, despite the disapproval of this step, this is his personal matter, as long as he does not cease to be a Christian. Psychological interpretation In the well-known Orthodox categoricalness, I see a psychological moment. Having come to the Church, people begin to live, follow the rules and regulations, the advice of the holy fathers and priests - and over time, from their own experience, they understand that not everything works, not everything can be done the way they want, the way someone else wants. The church life that one dreams of at the beginning has the peculiarity of not coming true. Over the years, Christians gain experience and mature, but they understand that the inner life is not very transformed. Strength dries up, there is less enthusiasm, but sin does not completely go away. There are those who take as an axiom the correctness of everything (namely, everything) of the Church, denying the possibility of a positive understanding of their unsuccessful experience, they acquire a feeling of guilt, and it deprives them of support and guidance. A way out is sought in dreams, that there is, after all, a place where everything is fine, there are special people who succeeded. What had to be done is truth and truth, only we ourselves are bad. The monks proved this. The hope never dies that you can not only barely pray in the morning and evening, but can easily do it 12 hours a day. You can not only get up at 7 am for work, but also not sleep at all. Not only occasionally reproach yourself for self-will, causing pain or offense to someone, but also remain in absolute obedience to God. You can not only reproach yourself for excesses, but also have no property at all. And suddenly, it turns out that some of the monks drive expensive cars, others live in luxury and hang out with bohemians. It turns out that not every monastery lives by its own labor, there is no that experienced simplicity, deep prayer, holiness. And also... it turns out that the monks began to leave monasticism. And this is already a break in the pattern! It’s as if precious sand is slipping through your fingers. Therefore, there is nothing left but to convince yourself and others that renunciation of monasticism is impossible, that such a decision is a terrible sin, evil and, in fact, apostasy. Yuri Belanovsky
A strange and controversial decision that contradicts the canons
Archpriest Nikolai Danilevich, Deputy Chairman of the Department for External Church Relations of the Ukrainian Orthodox Church
Archpriest Nikolai Danilevich. Photo: Facebook
– The Holy Synod of the Patriarchate of Constantinople allowed a second marriage for priests.
The Greek church news site Rompheus reported this, calling the decision historic.
However, permission for a second marriage can be given only if the priest is widowed, that is, if the mother dies, or if the mother herself leaves her husband-priest.
However, permission for a second marriage is not given if the priest himself leaves his wife and wants to marry someone else. It is said that all these cases should be considered separately and with special attention by the diocesan bishop. An official letter from the Patriarch will be sent out in the near future with detailed explanations of what to do in such cases.
As for me, this is a strange decision that contradicts church canons or, at least, is quite controversial.
Of course, anything happens in life and there are exceptions to the rules, and sometimes bishops allow for the benefit of the Church (if the priest is good and active) or out of indulgence for individual priests to enter into a second marriage, but elevating exceptions to the rank of a rule is probably too much. According to church rules, a priest can only marry once. If something does not work out with his wife, then the priest either remains celibate and continues to serve, or goes to a monastery, or leaves the priesthood and marries a second time. There are exceptions, as I wrote above.
It is interesting that the Patriarchate of Constantinople wanted to make this decision at the Pan-Orthodox Council in Crete back in 2016. But all the Local Churches opposed it then. As they say, Metropolitan Savva of Warsaw spoke out especially sharply on this issue.
Now Constantinople has nevertheless made this decision, but within the framework of its Patriarchate, if it was not possible to do this at the Pan-Orthodox level.
Prepared by Olga Lunina
‹
About priests Date: 09.20.2009 at 19:44
Sorry for my idle curiosity. Interesting: 1. Can a priest be unmarried and not a monk? Can such a person be ordained as a priest and get married while already in the priesthood? 2. What do priests call each other in an informal setting? How do mother and father address each other? 3. Is it difficult to be a priest? It seems to me that it is very difficult and hopeless. Every day is the same: services, christenings, memorial services... Crowds of confessors and other people with problems who want something from you, without thinking about your needs and problems, about your mood. It is impossible for us laymen to change their profession or job. A priest, in essence, is a forced person. Or I'm wrong? 4. It always seemed to me that a priest is just a profession, a job. If this is so, then why take a personal blessing from the priest? Or are priests not entirely ordinary people, and upon ordination they are given special powers?
1. Yes, that may be what it is called celibacy. Can't get married. 2. They are priests everywhere, and therefore they must be addressed everywhere as in the temple, because we call them that out of respect for the rank. Mothers should also be called as they should be. 3. It’s difficult - yes, but in other respects you’re wrong. There is no better life than serving God and people. You need to look not at the crowd, but at each individual and love him, then you will be very joyful, although not without difficulty. A person who wants to live for himself will be burdened, and such people have nothing to do in the priesthood. 4. The priesthood is a service and a way of life itself, and from those who have this profession, it is really necessary to take a blessing, but it is better not to be nourished spiritually. Strength is given, but it is revealed if the priest lives selflessly, sacrificially with faith and love for God and people. God bless you!
Number of entries: 102
Good afternoon Please tell me what we should do. My cousin and I fell in love. I am 45, he is 57 years old. We had seen each other a couple of times before, but for a very long time. And now we started talking and realized that we love each other. We are not married. Due to age and health restrictions, children are not expected. Can we get married?
Ulyana
Hello, Ulyana! The absence of a close blood relationship between the bride and groom is a necessary condition for marriage. By decree of the Holy Synod of January 19, 1810, marriages concluded between persons in the 4th degree of lateral blood relationship are unconditionally prohibited and subject to dissolution. That's why you can't get married.
Priest Vladimir Shlykov
Hello, good people! I would like to thank you for your site, which I can turn to with questions! And thank you very much for your attention to us and help with our problems. Here's my question. The fact is that I fell in love with a man of a different faith (ilam), although I myself am baptized and Orthodox! What should I do? Will it be a sin for me to live with this man? We want to get married before God, but we, Orthodox Christians, have a different ritual of marriage before God from Muslims! The question is, can I get married, being baptized in the Orthodox faith, with a Muslim? Does the Lord allow this? After all, as I think, as for me, we are all the same before God!
Lena, on our website there is a tag - “marriage with a Muslim.” Please pay attention to this, click on it with your mouse, and read everything. A lot of interesting things have been written. But you must understand the following: civil marriage (I mean registration in the registry office), of course, is possible, but there can be no religious ceremony! Firstly, only Orthodox Christians get married here. Secondly, participation in a Muslim wedding is a betrayal of one’s Orthodox faith. You are clearly in love with this person, I think it’s pointless to dissuade you, but you need to be warned. If he is a devout, practicing Muslim, then you will first have to accept customs (clothes, complete obedience to your husband (you will not leave the house without permission, for example), cuisine, corporal punishment of wives, etc., and then, you see, not only the veil put them on, but accept their faith. Your loved ones will force you. Think!
Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy
Good afternoon, father. I have the following question for you. I recently met a man. He had two marriages before me, both marriages left children. In his second marriage, he and his wife got married, she even changed her faith for this. Now the situation is like this, he invites me to marry him and get married. He divorced his second wife. Please tell me what to do right, I go to church, do I have a sin now, and what should we do if we love each other?
Natalia
I understand, Natasha, that you want to correct your sin - illegal cohabitation - by registering your relationship. This path, in combination with church repentance, is possible. The main thing is that you do not later become disappointed in your chosen one, who is already a “twice hero” in family relationships. What if he makes a mistake in you, becomes disappointed, leaves his offspring and goes on to seek his own happiness? You can’t get out of sins quickly, just like you can’t get out of a swamp - only gradually. If you have already “met”, then think carefully about your relationship. Maybe the best thing would be to repent and leave?
Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy
Hello! Tell me, can a priest marry a girl who has been married and has a child?
Maria
Hello Maria. A priest cannot marry anyone at all. After taking holy orders, marriage is impossible. Before being ordained, a layman can get married. But marriage to a second wife is a canonical obstacle to ordination.
Priest Alexander Beloslyudov
Hello! Is it possible for a woman to get married a third time? It so happened in life that I separated from my previous husbands of my own free will, there was no betrayal, just different characters, I couldn’t do it anymore. Is this considered a sin? If I am divorced and have a boyfriend, will this be considered adultery? What is the right thing for me to do?
Irina
According to church rules, you have the right to a third marriage, but this will be a “last try.” The fact that there was no betrayal is good. But it’s bad that the second time you “didn’t get along.” This means that you need to get married “on advice” - not to rush to conclusions and passions. Ask your loved ones what they think about your choice if you cannot talk to a priest. Any business must begin with repentance, with confession. Such mistakes, of course, are also a sin of foolishness. And what does “a man will appear” mean? If you go to the movies, it’s not a sin. And if cohabitation is a mortal sin.
Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy
Hello, I'm 15 and my boyfriend is 25, can we get married?
Diana
Diana, before getting married, you must register with the registry office - this is the procedure. Registration in the registry office is carried out no earlier than 18 years of age by law. You won't be married without it. So you will have to wait and be patient until you turn 18. At the same time, this will be a test for you in the seriousness of your intentions. But we must remember that close relationships outside of marriage are not allowed - this is a grave sin.
Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)
Hello, father! Sorry for such a personal question. I am 36 years old, divorced. I want to start a family, and possibly have a child. But I can't do anything. I lead a normal lifestyle, go to church, and, if possible, take communion once every two months. The men I meet only offer me bed. Why is that? Recently, my relative, a second cousin, as I understand it (my grandmother and his grandfather are brother and sister, and my father and his father are cousins, and we are already second cousins), he is 54 years old, offered me an intimate relationship to check compatibility and supposedly, this is good for women's health, because I am alone. But I understand that sex before marriage is a sin. I always treated him as a friend, but nothing more. He comes to my house every day, and I keep finding excuses and stalling for time. What should I do so that, as they say, “both the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe”? And also tell me: 1) how to build relationships with men in the world? 2) How much older can a man be than a woman? 3) how long does it take from dating to marriage? Thank you. I hope for an answer.
Tatiana
Hello Tatiana. As far as I know, there are Orthodox dating forums, it is possible that they will not offer you a bed right away. There are no and cannot be any health benefits from fornication. One must turn away from a person who inclines to fornication, even if he is a pleasant conversationalist. Avoid communicating with him under any pretext. Try not to consider the men you meet in life as possible husbands, this is a direct path to inciting lust, along which you will inevitably come to actually committing fornication. While you passionately desire something, it is passion that determines the nature of the relationship, which is why you are offered sex. Rely on God. “Lord, You know my desire to have a family, if it pleases You, fulfill my request, but not what I want, but what You want.” Only humility is able to accept the grace of God, and passion connects with demons. The age difference may or may not matter. If you want to have children, do not marry a man much older than you. Men live on average ten years less than women, and become decrepit earlier. You can stay with young children and an old man. From dating to marriage, as much time as necessary should pass to get to know the person. What are his passions and virtues, can he betray, can you forgive him if he betrays? Most importantly, husband and wife must have a common worldview. Sympathy based on attraction will pass, and if there is no spiritual foundation, the marriage will fall apart. God help you.
Priest Alexander Beloslyudov
Hello! My name is Elena. I would like to address you with this question. I am dating a person with whom we want to start a family. He himself was married, the marriage was consummated. After the divorce, the person got divorced. Can we get married after marriage? I myself was not married. Please help me answer this question.
Elena
Hello, Elena. Answer the question for yourself: “Why do I want to get married?” If you want to receive a church blessing for your marriage, because you are an Orthodox person, you follow the canons of the Orthodox Church, you live or try to live according to the Commandments of Christ, and when that doesn’t work out, you repent, you confess, then there can’t be two options, you have to get married. Otherwise, what is the point of a wedding? A beautiful ritual? He got married, got married, divorced, “debunked”... And what did getting married give to a person? Look at the Holy Scripture: “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.” (Matthew 19.6) It turns out that people got married, but God did not marry. Of course, formally, you have the right to have the Sacrament of Marriage performed on you, but... this will only benefit you if you both accept your marriage as a home church. And the Church is a ship of salvation, which means marriage is intended for the same thing. We call Christ Savior, and He says: “Learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11.29) The properties of the Savior and, therefore, the means by which He brings about salvation are “meekness and humility.” Marriage provides an ideal opportunity to learn these qualities, and the grace of the Sacrament of Wedding provides the necessary divine help in this. But it does not act on its own, but through your conscious and decisive forcing of yourself to live according to the Commandments of Christ. Without this compulsion, a wedding is useless, and human nature, corrupted by sin, will inevitably destroy and devastate a marriage, even if it is married twice. Take your life seriously, it is short, and every step we take in it is of great importance for our existence in eternity. God help you.
Priest Alexander Beloslyudov
I am Orthodox, can I marry a Muslim, I will not change my faith, but I want to be with this person.
Aquilina
You can register your marriage at the registry office. A church marriage, of course, is impossible. The Church does not regulate civil relations. But we warn you that Muslims are different. There are also those who will demand that you convert to Islam, fulfill its laws (for example, complete submission to your husband), will not allow you to baptize your children, etc. Think carefully before you decide to take such a step.
Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy
Hello. I am only 19 years old, and I found myself in an extremely difficult situation. I have been closely acquainted with a 29-year-old man, a foreigner, for 2 years. He's from Japan. He has epilepsy. This form of the disease is curable, but for him the moment has passed. In adolescence, the seizures themselves ended. But the fits of aggression remained. From time to time he loses control and starts shouting terrible things at his loved ones, insulting and humiliating them. Doesn't fight. Then he repents. He wants to marry me. Converted to Orthodoxy under the name Nazarius. But he did not become a Christian. Never took communion. I love him and want to take care of him, but his tantrums exhaust me and I give up. How do I understand whether I should be with him and bear his illness like a God-given cross, or try to forget about him and not bother myself, as my parents insist? God sends a person the cross that he can overcome. But was this cross sent to me? Nazariy begs to marry him, dreams of being with me until the grave. But during periods of clouding of reason, it cannot save me from myself.
Anna
Anya, you are, by and large, still a child! What help can you give to an adult sick man, and a foreigner at that!? Everything that you wrote here “about the cross” is a homemade cross - therefore, the heaviest. How can you get married to a person who, according to you, has not become a Christian? You are already losing heart from his hysterics, and you are still thinking about marriage... You write that the disease is already incurable for him, and with psychoneurological patients, especially in a severe form, a reasonable priest will not give a blessing for marriage. Previously, there was such a definition for sick people - “lifelong celibacy.” Listen to what your parents say.
Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy
Hello! Please tell me, is it possible to marry a divorced woman with a child? Thank you very much for your answer!
Maksim
Hello, Maxim. If you did not cause this divorce, then you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Get married. May God grant you consent and love.
Priest Alexander Beloslyudov
Hello, father! Can I marry my cousin? Is marriage to him a sin?
Catherine
Hello, Ekaterina! According to church norms, marriages between relatives up to the fourth degree of consanguinity, inclusive, are certainly prohibited. There is a fifth degree of collateral relationship between you and your cousin, and such a marriage can be concluded, but with the blessing of the ruling bishop.
Priest Vladimir Shlykov
I love a man who is 18 years older. I am 23, he is 41, he is a very deeply religious, church-going person. Can we get married? Isn't such an age difference a canonical prohibition for marriage?
Joanna
Hello, Joanna! There are no canonical prohibitions on such marriage. But this is not always reasonable for ethical reasons. If, as you say, your chosen one is a churchgoer, then it would be reasonable to ask for advice and blessings for the marriage from his confessor, who is probably familiar with the situation from the inside.
Priest Vladimir Shlykov
Good day! I would like to ask a question: is it possible to get married during pregnancy?
Julia
Yulia, you can get married during pregnancy. And before the wedding, you must definitely confess and take communion.
Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)
I live in fornication with my common-law husband, because I cannot officially marry him because of his criminal record, and I have a responsible job. We really want to get married, but the church doesn’t allow us without a stamp. And I suffer very much because I cannot go to communion, I feel very sinful before God.
Elvira
Elvira, we live in a “transparent world”. People holding responsible positions in the banking, law enforcement system, and large businesses are always checked by their own security service. I am not sure that cohabitation can be hidden, and that it will be treated better than marriage with a convicted person. Criminal records can also be different, and people who are not stupid are controlling you... But if you still think that you can’t sign yet, that this will put an end to your career, then ask yourself the question: “When will it be possible?” Are you so confident in your man that you will soon be ready to give up or risk your status in the name of love? Maybe your unpreparedness for marriage is actually a lack of complete trust in your loved one?
Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy
Hello, father. My question is banal, and at the same time very important for me and, as it turned out, difficult. Question about second marriage. (divorced on the initiative of her husband, the marriage was not married and forced) I know that in the concept of the Church you can get married a second and even a third time. But tell me, which is more correct? This is very important to me. God bless you!
Anastasia
Anastasia, I don’t understand, did your second marriage also break up? Yes, the third marriage is the limit. Whether to get married or not depends primarily on you. You need to weigh everything: do you have a loved one, what obstacles exist to marriage, how do your loved ones feel, your age, your children, etc. People get married out of love and the desire to save themselves together, and not because they “have to,” “water.” no one will submit.”
Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy
Dear father, please help. The girl left me. We weren’t married, we weren’t married, we just lived together for a long time. What is my status now according to the Orthodox canons? Do I have the right to look for another woman? Maybe it’s better for me not to look for anyone at all (it’s written somewhere in the Bible that if you’re separated, it’s better to remain single). Thank you in advance.
Eugene
Evgeniy, according to Orthodox canons, you have the status of a person who lived in mortal sin. Now you need to seriously think, if you are considered a Christian, how you will live further. I think we need to start with confession in church. Don’t look for a woman, but sort yourself out, put your soul in order. A believer, I think, should not look for a woman, but find in himself the ability to love another person. Marriage is a school of love, cohabitation is a school of passions.
Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy
Is a wedding considered valid if after the wedding it turns out that the husband was baptized by his grandmother at home in a basin, and this baptism was declared invalid by the clergy of our church. The husband was baptized in the temple a few years after the wedding. Today the first marriage is dissolved. Our husband's second marriage. Can we get married? If we assume that the first marriage was celebrated without baptism?
Anna
Anna, in my parish there was a similar case - a couple got married, and later it turned out that the grandmother had baptized the husband. The diocesan confessor did not bless them to marry again. The church marriage was recognized as valid. The question of your second marriage is not limited to formal grounds. No less important are the reasons for the dissolution of first marriages, establishing the guilt of the spouses, your repentance, and current church life. All these issues should be decided by the priest at your place of residence. He consults with the diocese in case of canonical obstacles to church marriage.
Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy
Father, it so happened that I married a divorced woman. During her first marriage she was married. There is a child from his first marriage (a girl). The wife submitted a petition to the diocese for debunking, and the ex-husband also agreed. Can we marry her again, or will we have to live the rest of our lives in sin?
Alexei
Alexei! A marriage registered in the registry office is not a sin! It is not the pinnacle of marriage, but it is by no means fornication. This is your second marriage, and that's a different story. Yes, the Gospel condemns divorce and marriage to a divorcee as the path accepted by Old Testament morality. But Christianity is also a life of repentance and self-correction. It’s not just a matter of form: we got married, and now we no longer live in fornication. Live like Christians: pray together, go to church, take communion, raise children, maintain love and fidelity. Then your family will become a “home church” and the Lord will keep you. Many achieved “debunkings” and “marriages” in the dioceses, but in fact remained married pagans. Be Christians in life.
Archpriest Maxim Khizhiy
Hello, bless! My husband's uncle is a priest. My husband and I are registered in the registry office, but not married. My husband wants his uncle to perform the wedding, but the parish where he serves is very far away, we have no opportunity to go there. My uncle is coming to our city, and we wanted to get married at home, is this possible, and will such a wedding be valid? Thank you.
Catherine
God's blessing be upon you! Your husband's uncle can ask the rector of any church in your city, or the ruling bishop, to be allowed to marry his nephew in the church. Let your uncle worry in advance about a certificate from the diocese where he serves, which will indicate that he really is a clergyman of such and such a diocese and has no canonical prohibitions for performing divine services. I think that he will be allowed to marry his nephew in the temple. As for a wedding at home, it will be illegal, since performing services in another diocese without permission is prohibited. God bless you!
Archpriest Andrey Efanov
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