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A comment recently appeared on the article “What does the Bible say about the role of a woman in marriage?” The author asked to write an article about the role of the husband in marriage from the point of view of God, its Creator. We live in postmodernism, where many are trying to abolish fundamental values and change the way people perceive the world. Women, voluntarily or forcedly, took on the role of men. As a result, there is no longer harmony in families and society. Because we want to live for the purpose for which God created us, want to create strong families and reflect God's character in everything, it is important that every man knows what God expects of him in marriage. Every woman should know about the role of a man, so as not to take it upon herself, but rather to help her husband and encourage him in the role that God has chosen for him. So, what responsibilities does a man have in marriage?
Loves his wife
In his letter to the Ephesians, the Apostle Paul wrote:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her, in order to sanctify her, cleansing her with the washing of water through the word; that he might present it to himself as a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing, but that she might be holy and without blemish. Thus should husbands love their wives as their own bodies: he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and warms it, just as the Lord does the Church, because we are members of His body, from His flesh and from His bones. Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is great; I speak in relation to Christ and the Church. So let each of you love his wife as himself; But let the wife fear her husband” (Ephesians 5:25-33).
This is the most important commandment related to the husband's role in the family. Its fulfillment will lead to the fulfillment of all other commands. God expects every man to love his wife as Christ loves the Church and as a man loves himself. When a man shows this kind of love for his wife, he shows others how much Jesus Christ loves His Church.
What are the roles of husband and wife in the family?
Although men and women are equal in relationship with Christ, Scripture gives each of them separate roles in marriage.
The husband must assume leadership in the home:
3 But I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man, every man is the head of woman, and God is the head of Christ. (1 Cor. 11:3)
23 For a husband is the head of his wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church. He himself is the Savior of the Body. (Eph.5:23)
This leadership should not be dictatorial, condescending, or superior, but should be consistent with the example of Christ's leadership of the Church.
“Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church. He gave His life for her, to consecrate her to God by His word” (Ephesians 5:25–26).
Christ loves the Church (His people) with compassion, mercy, forgiveness, respect and selflessness. In the same way, husbands should love their wives.
Wives must submit to the authority of their husbands.
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives - to their husbands, as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the Head of the Church, His Body, and He is its Savior. And just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives should be subject to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:21-24).
Although wives are to be submissive to their husbands, the Bible instructs husbands several times on how they should treat their wives.
A husband should not turn into a dictator; he should show respect for his wife and her opinion. In fact, Ephesians 5:28–29 encourages men to love their wives in the same way they love their bodies by nourishing and caring for them.
28 Husbands should love their wives as they love their own flesh. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For there is none who hates his own flesh. On the contrary, he cares for her and feeds her as Christ cares for the Church (Eph. 5:28,29)
The love of a husband for his wife should be the same as the love of Christ for His body - the Church.
“Wives, obey your husbands, this is your duty to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:18–19).
“In the same way, husbands should treat their wives with due understanding and respect in their life together, because although they are the weaker sex, they are equal heirs with men of the gracious gift of life” (1 Peter 3:7).
From these verses we see that love and respect characterize the roles of both husbands and wives. If these qualities are present, then authority, guidance, love and submission will not be a problem for either partner.
Regarding the distribution of responsibilities in the home, the Bible tells husbands to provide for their families. This means that the husband should work and earn enough money to provide for all the needs of his wife and children.
Avoiding this has certain spiritual consequences.
“Whoever does not provide for his relatives, and especially for those at home, has denied the faith and has become worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8).
Therefore, a man who does not make efforts to provide for his family has no right to bear the title of Christian.
This does not mean that the wife cannot help him in this regard—Proverbs 31 demonstrates that a godly wife can certainly participate in this matter—but providing for the family is not her primary responsibility.
Although a husband should help with the children and household chores (fulfilling his responsibility to love his wife), Proverbs 31 also makes it clear that the home is the wife's primary sphere of influence and responsibility.
Even if she has to go to bed late and get up early, her family should be properly looked after. This is not an easy lifestyle for many women, especially in affluent Western nations. However, too many women are under a lot of stress and are stressed to the limit.
To avoid such stressful situations, both husband and wife should prayerfully reorder their priorities and follow the Bible's instructions regarding their roles.
Conflicts regarding the division of responsibilities in marriage are inevitable, but if both partners are committed to Christ, then these conflicts will be minimized.
If a couple sees arguments occurring too frequently and intensely, or if arguments seem to characterize their marriage, the problem is spiritual. In this case, partners must, first of all, rededicate themselves to prayer and submission to Christ, and then - with love and respect - to each other.
What are the roles of husband and wife in the family?
Admires his wife
God created Adam and Eve, the first man and woman, and this is what the man said when he first saw the woman:
“And the man said: Behold <in modern translation - “Finally!”> this is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she will be called woman, because she was taken out of man” (Genesis 2:23).
The expression “At last!” found in the modern Bible speaks of admiration for someone who has been long awaited and desired. Every man should treat his wife this way all the days spent in marriage.
What the Bible Says About Marriage
The Bible calls marriage an eternal union between a man and a woman, in which they achieve spiritual and physical unity and become one. The establishment of marriage occurs at the end of the creation of the world; marriage becomes an integral feature of a person. Moreover, the biblical story can be understood in such a way that the very concept of “man” must first of all be attributed to the couple consisting of a man and a woman. According to the testimony of Gen. 2:18–24 a person needs a “helper”, i.e. alone cannot fulfill the task before him of “cultivating and preserving” God’s creation. For this it turns out that complete unity (“one flesh”) of two different beings is necessary; according to the sacred writer, this unity surpasses all earthly ties, including even blood. In the biblical context, indicating that this union involves two people also means affirming the ideal of monogamy.
The presence of the Lord Jesus Christ at the wedding in Cana of Galilee is traditionally considered an important evidence of God’s blessing of marriage, as well as the fact that Christ more than once compares the Kingdom of Heaven to a wedding feast.
Established by God in the Garden of Eden before the Fall, marriage is part of God's original plan for the world, undamaged by sin; Among other things, an important function of marriage is also the multiplication of the human race. The marriage union is realized in love, and this also testifies to the originality of the establishment of marriage. The Bible more than once uses the image of marriage as a standard of love that unites people. The inspired lines of the psalms, prophets and writings of the wise are dedicated to the greatness and beauty of this unity in love; The Song of Songs is specifically dedicated to this. Marriage is sanctified by the will of the Creator for the unity of people, and therefore represents not only mental and physical unity, but, first of all, spiritual and religious unity. Therefore, marriage is often used in the Bible as a symbol of the covenant with God and, more broadly, as a symbol of religion in general (see Hos. 2:1-10).
The high ideal of marriage, characteristic of the Holy Scriptures, does not immediately become the norm in people’s real lives. At the beginning of biblical history, the people of Israel adhered to the ideas and customs characteristic of all Middle Eastern peoples and cultures of that era. First of all, this relates to the permissibility of polygamy and divorce. Many people mentioned in the Bible have marriages involving two or more people; Mentions of divorce are also common. It is characteristic that neither polyandry nor divorce on the initiative of women is discussed in the Old Testament. Along with the difference in the requirements for marital fidelity imposed on a man and a woman, this reflects the inequality of the sexes accepted in the ancient East. Only gradually (and very slowly) were these ideas of the ancient Jews eliminated.
Sinaitic legislation (late 2 thousand BC) directly requires monogamous marriage only from the high priest; This rule does not yet apply to other Israelis. By the era of the Second Temple (late 6th century BC), monogamous marriage became the norm among the chosen people; already at this time polygamy became a rare exception, and later completely disappeared. In the New Testament, only monogamous marriage is called virginal.
In the middle of the 5th century. BC the prophet Malachi proclaims and says that the divorce permitted by the Sinai legislation is displeasing to God. To leave a wife means, according to the word of the prophet, to offend her; At the same time, the prophet Malachi calls divorce treachery on the part of a man. Both are unacceptable according to the spirit of the Law. In the Russian Synodal translation of Mal. 2:16, following the Greek Septuagint text, reads “if you hate her, let her go, says the Lord”; Another translation option that is more appropriate to the context is: “I hate divorce, says the Lord.” The latest translation is based on the Hebrew original and was included in this form in a number of ancient and modern translations. Either way, Malachi's statement as a whole clearly condemns divorce.
The Lord Jesus Christ finally prohibits divorce in the New Testament; He attributes Moses' permission for divorce in the Sinai legislation to the hard-heartedness of the Israelites of that era - that is, to their inability to rise above their own ideas to the standard of biblical monogamous and indissoluble marriage.
The writings of the wise of Israel (primarily the Song of Songs, as well as Ecclesiastes, the Proverbs of Solomon and the Wisdom of Jesus, son of Sirach) speak of the love of a man and a woman in marriage as the most beautiful thing that can happen in a person’s earthly life. Ecclesiastes, who regards everything as vanity and finds joy in nothing, makes an exception only for marriage; he talks about marriage almost as the only bright spot in the darkness of a vain life. Sirach also highly appreciates the importance of marriage, paying more attention to how the invasion of evil into married life poisons life.
In addition, the Sinai legislation regulates some issues related not so much to Revelation as to marriage law. Thus, it prohibits marriage in certain close degrees of kinship and provides some protection for women's rights against male arbitrariness. In addition, the Law prohibits marriages with foreigners in order to avoid the temptation of paganism; The history of Israel provides ample evidence of how serious the danger of falling away from the faith became for those who were married to pagans. This position, so important in the era of the spiritual formation of the chosen people, subsequently led to far from unambiguous consequences. Thus, upon returning from captivity, Ezra and Nehemiah, renewing the covenant, demanded that the Israelites expel their foreign wives. The words of the prophet Malachi about treachery towards wives are perhaps an echo of these events. This position undergoes a radical change in the New Testament. Thus, the Apostle Paul in the First Epistle to the Corinthians, repeating the prohibition of divorce, says that the faith of one of the spouses can, thanks to love, serve the salvation of the other, an unbeliever.
The marriage law of the Old Testament defines, among other things, such a concept as levirate: in a levirate marriage, the younger brother (or other relative) of an Israelite who died childless is obliged to marry his widow; the first child born in such a marriage was considered a descendant of the deceased (and not his “physical” father). Levirate marriage was due, on the one hand, to the need to continue the priestly (Levitical) birth, as well as property reasons.
The letters of the apostles, comparing relationships in marriage with the relationship between Christ and the Church, demand spiritual unity from spouses and speak of the dominant role of the man, who is responsible for the entire family before God. In addition, the New Testament more than once mentions the need for marital fidelity.
Separates from his parents
Seeing the title of this article, the reader may think that this point does not apply to our topic. But that's not true. When God brought Eve to Adam, He said:
“Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife; and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
God does not mean that children should neglect or not care for their parents. But, having entered into marriage, every man must understand that the relationship with his wife comes first. He should not allow parents to control this relationship or manipulate the spouses. Wise parents would never do this, but not all parents are equally wise. I know someone who allowed his mother to control his marriage so much that she kept their money and decided what clothes his wife could buy. Their marriage did not last long, and the man became very unhappy. But even then I warned him more than once that everything would end like this if he did not separate from his mother and cleave to his wife. At the same time, every man must realize that when he gets married, he is obliged to support his family, take care of his parents and his wife’s parents. And if their parents at some point offer them financial assistance, they should take it as a blessing, and not for granted.
Although men and women are equal in relationship with Christ, Scripture gives each of them separate roles in marriage. The husband must assume leadership in the home (Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:23). This leadership should not be dictatorial, condescending, or superior, but should be consistent with the example of Christ's leadership of the Church. “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church. He gave His life for her, that he might dedicate her to God by His word” (Ephesians 5:25–26; the Russian Bible Society’s modern translation is used hereinafter). Christ loves the Church (His people) with compassion, mercy, forgiveness, respect and selflessness. In the same way, husbands should love their wives.
Wives must submit to the authority of their husbands. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives - to their husbands, as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the Head of the Church, His Body, and He is its Savior. And just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives should be subject to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:21-24). Although wives are to be submissive to their husbands, the Bible instructs husbands several times on how they should treat their wives. A husband should not turn into a dictator; he should show respect for his wife and her opinion. In fact, Ephesians 5:28–29 encourages men to love their wives in the same way they love their bodies by nourishing and caring for them. The love of a husband for his wife should be the same as the love of Christ for His body - the Church.
“Wives, obey your husbands, this is your duty to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:18–19). “In the same way, husbands should treat their wives with due understanding and respect in their life together, because although they are the weaker sex, they are equal heirs with men of the gracious gift of life” (1 Peter 3:7). From these verses we see that love and respect characterize the roles of both husbands and wives. If these qualities are present, then authority, guidance, love and submission will not be a problem for either partner.
Regarding the distribution of responsibilities in the home, the Bible tells husbands to provide for their families. This means that the husband should work and earn enough money to provide for all the needs of his wife and children. Avoiding this has certain spiritual consequences. “Whoever does not provide for his relatives, and especially for those at home, has denied the faith and has become worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). Therefore, a man who does not make efforts to provide for his family has no right to bear the title of Christian. This does not mean that the wife cannot help him in this regard—Proverbs 31 demonstrates that a godly wife can certainly participate in this matter—but providing for the family is not her primary responsibility. Although a husband should help with the children and household chores (fulfilling his responsibility to love his wife), Proverbs 31 also makes it clear that the home is the wife's primary sphere of influence and responsibility. Even if she has to go to bed late and get up early, her family should be properly looked after. This is not an easy lifestyle for many women, especially in affluent Western nations. However, too many women are under a lot of stress and are stressed to the limit. To avoid such stressful situations, both husband and wife must prayerfully reorder their priorities and follow the Bible's instructions regarding their roles.
Conflicts regarding the division of responsibilities in marriage are inevitable, but if both partners are committed to Christ, then these conflicts will be minimized. If a couple sees arguments occurring too frequently and intensely, or if arguments seem to characterize their marriage, the problem is spiritual. In this case, partners must, first of all, rededicate themselves to prayer and submission to Christ, and then - with love and respect - to each other.
Head of wife
Once during a wedding, I noticed how, having heard this truth, a man called his wife back: “Do you hear? Remember well what the priest says!” Also, when I teach Marriage Without Regrets, I often see women who have not previously known God's Word express dissatisfaction. But this is the order established by God:
“I also want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a woman is her husband, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3).
Our head Christ cares for us, protects us and sacrificed Himself for us. He expects every man to be a leader for his wife, but not a person who only gives orders and imposes his will and power. May the Lord help every husband to treat his wife the same way Jesus Christ treats us.
Shows respect to wife
Some men find it difficult to understand why women expect to be treated with respect, such as shaking their hand when getting off a bus or walking down the stairs. But God teaches us to do exactly this:
“In the same way, husbands, treat your wives wisely, as the weaker vessel, showing them honor, as heirs together of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7).
May God help all men to fulfill the role that He has established, and so show the world the character of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Translation: Moses Natalya
New in blogs
The postmodernism we live in tries to overturn fundamental values and change the way people think about things. Women, where of their own free will, where out of necessity, took on the role of a husband and this leads to disharmony both in the family and in society. Because we want to live according to the purpose for which God created us, because we want to have strong families and because we want to reflect the image of God in everything, it is very important for every man to know what God expects of him in marriage. For every woman, it is necessary to know the role of her husband, so as not to hinder, but on the contrary, to help and encourage her husband to play the role given by God for him. So what is the husband's role in a marriage?
Loving your wife
In his letter to the Ephesians, the Apostle Paul wrote:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her, in order to sanctify her, cleansing her with the washing of water through the word; to present it to Himself as a glorious Church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing, but that it might be holy and without blemish. Thus should husbands love their wives as their own bodies: he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and warms it, just as the Lord does the Church, because we are members of His body, from His flesh and from His bones. Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is great; I speak in relation to Christ and the Church. So let each of you love his wife as himself; and let the wife be afraid of her husband. (Ephesians 5:25-33)
This is the most important commandment regarding the role of the husband in marriage and its implementation leads to the replenishment of the people around him. God expects from every man the same love for his wife as Christ had for the Church and as someone loves his own body. When a man shows such love for his wife, through this the love that Jesus Christ has for His Church will be visible to all people.
Admire your wife
When God created Adam and Eve, the first man and the first woman, this is what the man said when he saw the woman for the first time:
And the man said, Behold, this is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she will be called woman, for she was taken from man. (Genesis 2:23)
The expression “here” shows admiration for someone whom one has long desired and expected. Every man should have this attitude towards his wife all the days of their marriage.
Leave your parents
After reading the title of our article, the reader may think that this point is not included in our topic. But that's not true. When God brought Eve to Adam, he said:
Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife; and they will be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)
God does not mean by this that children should neglect their parents or not take care of them. But from the moment of marriage, every man should realize that the relationship with his wife is a priority and does not involve parents controlling or manipulating this relationship. Wise parents will never do this, but not all parents are so wise. I know one man who, after marriage, left his mother the opportunity to control them, which came to the point that his mother kept their money and decided what clothes to buy for his wife. Their marriage did not last long, and he became very unhappy. Of course, I warned him more than once about such an end if he did not leave his mother and cleave to his wife. At the same time, every man should realize that when he gets married, he must support his family and take care of his parents and his wife's parents. And if parents are ready to support a young family financially for a certain period of time, take it as a blessing, and not as something for granted.
Cling to your wife
The original concept of this commandment concerns intimate relationships, which must be initiated by a man. Let no one think that it is sinful or wrong for a wife to take the initiative in intimate relationships. Only every man should know that God wants him to take the initiative, both in relation to creation with his family and in other aspects of life. When difficult situations arise in the family, a man is expected to be the one who seeks a solution, who takes the right attitude and acts in resolving this difficult situation.
Be open with your wife
In the same chapter 2 from the book of Genesis, it is written:
And they were both naked, Adam and his wife, and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:25)
The expression “they were both naked” includes more than lack of clothing. The man and women were open with each other, having a frank relationship in which no one hides anything from the other and is not afraid to speak his mind to the other for fear of being judged.
To be the head of the wife
I noticed one day during a marriage how a man, having heard this truth, nudged his wife and said: “Do you hear? Think carefully about what the priest is saying!” And when I taught the course “Marriage without Regrets,” I saw many times how women who did not know the Word of God before were not grateful when they came to this topic. But this is the order established by God:
I also want you to know that the head of every husband is Christ, the head of every wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3)
Christ, being our Head, takes care of us, protects and sacrifices Himself for us. In the same way, every man is required to be the head of his wife, and not just the one who gives orders and authoritatively imposes his will. May God help every husband to behave with his wife the way Jesus Christ behaves with us.
Honoring your wife
It is very difficult for some men to understand why women expect to be treated with respect, such as shaking hands before getting off the bus or on the stairs. But God teaches us to do this:
Likewise, you, husbands, treat your wives prudently, as with the weakest vessel, showing them honor, as joint heirs of the grace of life, so that there is no hindrance in your prayers. (1 Peter 3:7)
May God help all husbands to fulfill their God-given role and thus present to the world the character of our Lord Jesus Christ.
