This name is well known to many; Father Artemy Vladimirov has been actively speaking on television and radio for several decades. In church shops there are discs with recordings of his sermons and conversations, books that he wrote. What is the reason for such popularity, how does he differ from other clergy?
Working as a teacher
After graduating from university in 1983, Artem worked for some time as a Russian language teacher at a boarding school. However, this does not last long - he is fired for preaching Orthodox sermons to his students. At that time, such “offences” were severely punished. If management found out that an employee spoke on Orthodox topics, visited a temple, or baptized his child, then dismissal was impossible to avoid.
After this, Artemy decides to enter the Theological Seminary. Ever since his student days, he began to regularly visit the Church of Elijah the Ordinary. There the guy carefully studied the activities of the clergy. He met Priest Dmitry Smirnov and Father Arkady Shatov. Artyom admired the fact that these people completely devoted themselves to their destiny.
From morning until evening they were in the temple, talking with parishioners, and performing the Sacraments. This prompted the young teacher to devote his life to serving people - he decides to become a clergyman.
Childhood and early years
Born in Moscow in 1961. The names and occupation of the parents are not mentioned in open sources. It is only known that his grandfather was the poet Pavel Barto , who was once officially married to Agnia Barto .
The future church leader received his secondary education at English special school No. 29 . Upon graduation, he became a student in the Romano-Germanic department of the Faculty of Philology of Moscow State University . Some time later he translated into Russian . He came to the Orthodox faith while studying at a university, not without the help of his scientific advisor Nikita Ilyich Tolstoy .
After receiving his diploma, he got a job as a teacher of Russian language and literature at Physics and Mathematics Boarding School No. 18 named after Academician Kolmogorov at Moscow State University, from where he was soon fired for talking with students on religious topics.
Inspired by the works of Priest Dimitry Smirnov and Fr. Arkady Shatov (now Bishop Panteleimon), the young man decided to become a clergyman. So, in 1987, Artemy was expected to be ordained as a deacon , and a year later his priestly ordination . At the same time, he became a student at the Moscow Theological Seminary , while simultaneously giving lectures in the capital's parish schools and serving in the Resurrection and Mitrofan church parishes.
Artemy Vladimirov in his youth
The spiritual path of father Artemy Vladimirov
As Father Artemy himself admitted, he came to faith at a conscious age after the death of his grandmother. But this was only the beginning, because the appropriate education was received only after graduating from Moscow State University. N.I. played a major role in the formation of the Orthodox worldview of the young philologist. Tolstoy. He was a true Christian and in every possible way helped Artemy Vladimirov move along this difficult path at that time.
After working in Soviet schools, the future clergyman realized that this was not the path. And only after entering the Moscow Theological Academy, Artemy found his true calling.
Priestly path
- Since 1988, the theologian’s profound speeches have been broadcast weekly on the Radonezh radio station .
- In 1991, the spiritual shepherd was appointed rector of the Church of All Saints (Krasnoye Selo), where the list of the miraculous icon of the Mother of God “The Tsaritsa” is located. Day after day, he fervently prayed for the health of hundreds of cancer patients.
- In 1993-1995 the young preacher was a regular on various television programs. He touched upon serious issues in Vladislav Listyev’s projects “Rush Hour” and “Theme” . On Zaraisk television, together with V.L. Makhnach, he organized a series of programs on the history of the Russian Church. At the Central Television he acted as the host of the children's program “Holiday Every Day” .
- In 1997, the religious educator was elevated to the rank of archpriest .
- In 1999-2006 The Christian public was presented with a series of sermons and conversations “From the abundance of the heart,” in which the archpriest gave recommendations and shared his thoughts regarding the life difficulties that arise for absolutely everyone. The recording of the material was carried out in the Holy Dormition Pukhtitsa Monastery.
- In 2006, the altar server was awarded the Order of St. Innocent , Metropolitan of Moscow and Kolomna III degree.
- The years 2001-2008 marked the peak of his teaching employment . Lessons from a qualified teacher were held at the school of future politicians, the economic lyceum, and the gymnasium of St. Basil the Great, Elizabethan Gymnasium.
- In 2010, the Moscow Department of Education awarded the clergyman the qualification of a teacher of the highest category . A year later, the title of honorary professor of the Faculty of Orthodox Culture of the Military Academy of Strategic Missile Forces named after Peter the Great appeared in his biography.
- As a member of the Writers' Union, in 2010 several literary works came out from his pen: “What to do when you fall in love?”, “The art of verbal service. Reflections of a priest”, “Why doesn’t anyone see God?”, “Husband and wife in a Christian marriage. XX centuries later" and "Seen".
- In 2011, he became a member of the newly formed Patriarchal Council for Family Issues and Protection of Motherhood . In addition, his candidacy is listed on the Missionary Commission of the Diocesan Council .
- At the same time, the tireless preacher continued his writing, publishing many books on pedagogy, psychology, Church history and family life. The most read ones were “A verbal wreath for the head of a Russian teacher, or a reflection on the moral feat of a teacher”, “The art of speech”, “The seven-color rainbow of the human word”, “Why is money needed?” and “Healing the soul. Confession".
- Without ignoring missionary service, in 2012, with the blessing of the Hierarchy, the priest was able to carry out many educational trips. Cologne, Florence, Azov, Yoshkar-Ola and Mari El received the missionary's moral conversations with great enthusiasm.
- In 2013, Vladimirov was relieved of his post as rector of the Church of All Saints and appointed senior priest of the Alekseevsky Stauropegic Convent . In October of the same year, on the occasion of 25 years of service in the priesthood, His Holiness Patriarch Kirill awarded the confessor the Order of St. Sergius of Radonezh, III degree .
- In 2019, the domestic preacher continued to share his protected area of knowledge through radio and television. A direct line on the Spas , Spiritual Reflections and Conversations with Father on the Soyuz , and Bright Evening on the Vera became his key information platforms.
- In 2022, under the leadership of the theologian, a large-scale musical project was organized - “Bible Stories. "Serving the Lord" . It was based on texts and stories from the Holy Scriptures, which at one time inspired many great composers. The works of the latter were performed by the Moscow ensemble of sacred music “Blagovest” under the direction of Galina Koltsova .
Admission to the priesthood
Artemy's dedication took place in 1988. The beginning of his journey as a priest began in the Church of the Resurrection of the Word. Then he served at the Church of St. Mitrofan of Voronezh. In parallel with this, Father Artemy taught at the Moscow Theological Academy. Since 1991, the priest has become the rector of the parish of All Saints, which is located in Krasnoe Selo. In the church where Artemy Vladimirov was rector, there was a miraculous icon of the Mother of God “All-Tsarina”. This image is known to help seriously ill people.
Church of All Saints in Krasnoye Selo, Moscow
Hundreds of believers came to the temple every day to ask for help from the icon of the Mother of God. Father had to serve prayer services several times, remembering cancer patients. He was also sent letters by mail asking him to pray for sick relatives.
Church service
Three decades later, Father Artemy became what he dreamed of being - a spiritual mentor, a shepherd for lost souls. Through his prayers and efforts, many people came to the Orthodox faith. Being extremely busy, the priest does not refuse conversation and help to anyone. He will always listen carefully to a person and give good advice on what to do in a given situation.
Artemy Vladimirov was elevated to the rank of archpriest in 1997. Four years later, he became a member of the Patriarchal Council, which deals with family issues and the protection of motherhood. Today the priest serves as rector and confessor of the Alekseevskaya convent. Many people strive to go to confession with him.
Interesting! It is known that Father Artemy confessed to Valentina Tolkunova before his death, and also visited the artist Nikolai Karachentsov in intensive care.
Artemy Vladimirov is the spiritual father of singer Svetlana Kopylova. They are close friends and travel a lot together. Father often accompanies Kopylova at concerts. Some people mistakenly believe that Svetlana is Vladimirov’s wife. But that's not true.
Personal life and family of a priest
In his sermons, Father Artemy often touches on the issue of family relationships and, in particular, talks about the peculiarities of the priest’s family structure.
According to him, mother is the priest’s guardian angel, his support and fighting friend. Carrying your cross is not easy for a priest's wife. After all, let’s be honest, the priest often doesn’t even have time to nail down a shelf at home. The entire life and care of children lies on the shoulders of the wife, including the education of the younger generation. By being ordained, a clergyman becomes engaged in a sense to the church and this must be accepted.
As a rule, mothers do not work at state-owned enterprises or anywhere else. They take care of the household or sing in the choir. Mother Elena is an exception to the rule. She has been the school director for many years. Pedagogy is her calling. Through the efforts of Elena Vladimirova, a parish school was organized at the Church of All Saints, where she was the director until 2015. The mother knows all the children by name and is always friendly and affectionate.
Father Artemy Vladimirov with his wife Elena
In his conversations, Father Artemy rarely talks about his wife. However, there was a moment when he mentioned an interesting episode in their conversation. Mother told him that he had succeeded as a priest. This, according to the priest, was the most dear compliment in his life. The Lord did not give them children, but through their activities the Vladimirov couple spiritually cares for other people’s little parishioners, thereby performing a good deed before God.
Who is Artemy Vladimirov
Anyone who has ever seen the priest’s kind, smiling face, his intelligent, compassionate eyes, will agree that such clergy are quite rarely seen these days. At first glance, he attracts you with his charisma, goodwill, and charm.
As if he had come to our difficult, hectic age from the nineteenth century, when piety, unhurriedness, and sedateness were in fashion, this priest has respect for every person. He takes his time, listens sympathetically to anyone who turns to him, giving him advice with love and a bit of good humor.
By the way, an excellent sense of humor is a distinctive feature of Artemy’s father; in addition, he has excellent erudition, he is well-read and well educated. The manner of his conversation can be called noble, such politeness and discretion is unlikely to be found these days.
The priest’s speech is soft and soothing, even if he talks about quite important things. Many said that after a conversation with him they felt peace, joy, and their mood lifted. This is why Archpriest Artemy Vladimirov is so popular among the people. Many would be interested to know more about his life and education.
Birth and childhood
Priest Artemy Vladimirov was born in Moscow, his biography began in 1961, his surname at birth was Gaiduk (he took the surname “Vladimirov” after marriage). Interestingly, his grandfather Pavel Barto was a famous children's poet (the first husband of Agnia Barto).
The boy grew up smart, capable of many sciences, especially philology. He was sent to an English special school, which is located in Chertolsky Lane. As a child, he was not particularly religious. His grandmother (a deeply religious person) tried unsuccessfully to instill in her grandson a love of God and the temple. But all her attempts to bring Artyom to the church service were in vain. The boy was quite quick, not ready for serious truths.
But everything has its time, and after the death of his grandmother, the sixteen-year-old boy was suddenly drawn to the temple. He entered the temple of Elijah the Prophet and heard the singing of “Blessed.” It is not clear why, the singing of ordinary old women on the choir brought him into extraordinary emotion, and tears suddenly flowed from his eyes. Later, the priest recalled that this was his first experience of prayer. He realized that God was nearby and was carefully looking at him and listening.
Seeing how the parishioners were approaching the Chalice with their arms crossed on their chests, Artyom also decided to approach. But the priest kindly asked him if he had confessed. The young man did not yet understand the Sacraments, so he walked away in tears. He was not ready for confession then.
Getting an education
Artem probably inherited his love of literature from his grandfather. After graduating from high school, the young man decided to enter the Faculty of Philology of Moscow State University. At first he studied in the Romance-Germanic department, but then switched to Russian.
While studying at the university, Artem came across a brochure about constructing a confession. He studied it carefully and scrupulously prepared for the Sacrament of Confession. From that moment on, the young man became a permanent parishioner of the temple.
Father now remembers that this is also the merit of his teacher, Doctor of Philology, professor, linguist Nikolai Ilyich Tolstoy. Conversations with him helped Artem establish himself in the Orthodox faith.
Working as a teacher
In 1983, Artem graduated from the university and got a job as a teacher of Russian language and literature at a boarding school. However, he did not have to work there for long: the young teacher was fired for talking with students on Orthodox topics.
In those difficult Soviet times, such antics were not forgiven; any attempt to convert someone to the faith was severely punished. And if the bosses found out that a subordinate was visiting a temple and even baptized his child, it was impossible to avoid dismissal.
Then Artemy decides to enter the Theological Seminary. While still working as a teacher, the young man visited the Moscow Church of Elijah the Ordinary every Sunday, where he observed the work of the clergy. There he met Priest Dimitry Smirnov, Fr. Arkady Shatov (now Bishop Panteleimon). These were priests who completely devoted themselves to their destiny - serving their neighbors. They were in the church from early morning until evening, receiving confession, serving the Liturgy, and talking with parishioners.
Artemy really wanted to be like them, to give his life to serving people. And he decided to become a clergyman.
Admission to the priesthood
This happened in 1988. After being ordained, he served in the Church of the Resurrection of the Word on the Assumption Vrazhek. At the same time, the priest taught at the Moscow Theological Academy. Later he served in the Church of St. Mitrofan of Voronezh.
In 1991, Fr. Artemy was appointed rector of the parish of All Saints, which is located in Krasnoe Selo.
Many people know that in this temple there is a list of the miraculous icon of the Mother of God “The All-Tsarina”, which helps with cancer.
People came here from all over the country, asking for the intercession of the Most Pure One and healing from a serious illness. Father had to serve several prayer services a day, remembering the health of hundreds of seriously ill people. He also received requests by mail and the Internet to pray before the Miraculous Icon for cancer patients.
Church service
Fr. Artemy, after 30 years of service, finally became what he aspired to become - a true servant of God, a man of prayer and a shepherd of the lost. He led many people to faith in God and became a good, kind mentor. Despite his enormous busyness, the priest does not refuse confession or spiritual advice to anyone. He listens carefully to each parishioner and gently consoles him.
In 1997, the priest was elevated to the rank of archpriest. In December 2011, Fr. Artemy became a member of the Patriarchal Council for Family Issues and Protection of Motherhood.
He has the following awards:
- Order of St. Sergius of Radonezh;
- Order of St. Tsar Nicholas;
- Order of St. Blessed Prince Daniil of Moscow;
- Order of St. Innocent, Metropolitan of Moscow and Kolomna.
Many are interested in where he serves now. Currently he is the rector and confessor of the Alekseevsky Convent.
F. Artemy is popular among parishioners; many strive to go to confession with him. Father confessed to People's Artist Valentina Tolkunova before her death, and visited Nikolai Karachentsev, who was in intensive care.
O. Artemy is the confessor of the famous actress and author-performer of parable songs Svetlana Kopylova. They are great friends, often travel together and give concerts. Many people mistakenly think that she is his mother. Svetlana wrote a touching song about her confessor, “Save and have mercy, Lord, my spiritual father.”
Personal life
In conversations, Father often talks about the essence of the Christian family, and, in particular, the family of a priest.
Mother, in his opinion, is:
- guardian angel of the priest husband;
- assistant;
- fighting friend.
She humbly bears her difficult cross, because after her husband is ordained, he takes off the wedding ring from his hand forever. This means that he no longer belongs entirely to his wife. Ordination itself is, in a sense, betrothal to the Church.
The priest is almost never at home with his family. The children and mother get used to it, but a lot of patience is needed. The priest's wife is not only an image of chastity and humility, she has to learn masculinity. After all, it is she who bears all the household chores and care for the family hearth. After all, let’s be honest, the priest often doesn’t even have time to change a light bulb in the house or fix a shelf. Mother also takes care of the education and upbringing of children.
It often happens that the wives of priests do not work in production, but are engaged in housekeeping and arrangement of the temple, and choir singing. But Mother Elena Borisovna Vladimirova (whose last name was taken by Father Artemy) works as a director at the school. They have been living together for more than thirty years, as they say - in perfect harmony. The only pity is that the Lord did not give them replenishment.
Mother Elena devoted herself entirely to pedagogy. She also helps her husband in his ministry. For example, through her efforts, a parish school was organized at the Church of All Saints, where her priest serves. She was its director until 2015. Mother also works in the choir as a psalm-reader. Thanks to her, beautiful singing can be heard in the temple. She is always friendly, kind in her interactions with parishioners, and knows all the children by sight and name. In a word, she is a true mother.
O. Artemy talks little about his personal life and rarely talks about his wife. But one day he shared his joy with everyone. His mother recently told him: “Oh. Artemy, you have succeeded as a priest.” Father said that this was the greatest compliment of his life.
About love
Father Artemy Vladimirov has many interesting and instructive (very subtle and unobtrusive, but deep) lectures on the topic of love, morality, and Christian purity.
One of his popular and relevant ones is “On Love” - towards God and neighbor.
He raises the question of the relationship between faith in the Lord and love for the person who is nearby. After all, real faith is living, active, warming everything and everyone in its rays.
Archpriest Artemy Vladimirov says that there is such a trend at the present time - less and less love is manifested in modern society, people have stopped looking for a source of inspiration in God, but have closed their hearts and souls in the shell of selfishness. But true love only begins to come to life when a person begins to serve - sincerely and without any selfishness - to his neighbors.
The clergyman also says with disappointment that the Russian people are trying to copy a lot of things from the West, not realizing the destructiveness of such a path. First of all, this negatively affects morality, spiritual purity, and youth.
Books
Father Artemy Vladimirov is the author of many popular publications. He writes books about the soul, about the human word, pedagogy, money, Russian speech, about God, about love between a man and a woman, about the Christian family, about mercy and others.
There is a book written by Father Artemy and Vladimir Kupin. This is a very interesting publication, which even non-believers buy for their families and children, feeling in their souls that such a textbook on life should be in every home.
The format of the book “Open Heart” is large and has many color pictures drawn by children. Beautiful font and simple presentation, accessible even to a child.
The publication tells the story of the life of Princess Elisaveta Feodorovna, who left a luxurious life and became a model of mercy, love, and care for others, living in her cell.
The book tells the child in simple language about this amazing woman and her feat. This teaches the child humanity, kindness, mutual assistance, love, hope, compassion.
The message of the publication is to say that real happiness does not lie in material wealth, but in spiritual wealth, in serving others.
Writing activity
Father Artemy was always distinguished by his special eloquence, he knew how to speak in front of an audience and hold the attention of the audience. He is no worse at writing written works. Despite his rather busy schedule, the priest finds time for creativity. Many of his books were published on issues of Church history, psychology, pedagogy, theological topics, and family life. In addition, a collection of his poetry was published not long ago.
Interesting! Artemy Vladimirov is a member of the Russian Writers' Union.
His book, written in collaboration with V. Krupin, called “Open Heart,” is widely known. It talks about St. Princess Elizabeth - the standard of sacrifice and love for your neighbors. It is interesting that the book is illustrated with drawings by children who participated in the competition “Patron Saints of Rus'”. The writings of Father Artemy can be found on his website.
Proceedings
Famous works of Artemy Vladimirov include:
- “Healing the soul. Confession";
- “Why do we need money”;
- “What to do when you fall in love”;
- “Why can’t anyone see God?” etc.
Father Artemy continues to actively work in the field of Christ, despite his mature age. Thanks to such people, people gain hope for spiritual revival, which is so important in human life, which is by no means endless.
Books by Archpriest Artemy Vladimirov
Today, Father Artemy Vladimirov is a well-known personality in Orthodox circles, actively appearing on TV. People listen to his sermons, people come to him for advice.
Sermons and lectures
Many Orthodox believers listen to Artemy Vladimirov’s sermons. His simple speech, unsurpassed erudition and subtle humor attract and win over from the first minutes.
About other priests:
- Archpriest Andrey Lorgus
- Archpriest Evgeniy Popichenko
- Archpriest Vadim Leonov
Back in the nineties, tapes with recordings of his sermons on such pressing topics as raising children, relationships between spouses, and the lives of saints were passed from hand to hand. It happened that students recorded his lectures right at the Theological Academy. Father touched on many issues, including talking about the nuances of choosing a mother.
Important! The main message is that you should open your heart to the Creator and your neighbor, because love is the basis of Christian life. But modern people often forget about this.
Conversations with the priest
Artemy Vladimirov performs one interesting and important obedience - he conducts a direct line on the Spas channel. He is asked questions live and the priest answers each of them with patience, participation and love. A dose of good humor and simplicity of words make these conversations a kind of medicine for the soul of believers. None of those who contacted are left without consolation.
Father Artemy is the man who, with his kindness and love for mankind, attracts hundreds of believers seeking the truth. Through his efforts, many have come to believe that it is worth a lot in our time, when the fundamental values of life are losing their weight, and moral boundaries are becoming so blurred that modern man loses all spiritual guidelines.
Archpriest Artemy Vladimirov: how I became a priest
Reviews
People respond to Father Artemy Vladimirov (Zarlivy) very cordially, favorably and warmly, although in the 80s he was fired from a boarding school for preaching Orthodoxy.
Reviews about Archpriest Artemia:
- The kindest person.
- He understands and accepts everyone who turns to him.
- Knows how to truly listen.
- Bright, warm-hearted, cheerful.
- A true example of love for his students and other people.
- Inspires beauty with his sermons and lectures.
- Instills hope and joy.
- His books carry a huge charge of love and faith in a bright future.
- A good teacher.
- A true mentor and confessor.
Personal life
In his conversations, the priest often touches on the topic of the Christian family, in particular, the priest’s house-building. After all, after the latter has accepted the appropriate rank, he removes the wedding ring from his hand and ceases to belong to his wife, but not to the Church.
With his mother Elena Borisovna Vladimirova , whose last name he took after marriage (at birth it was “Gaiduk”), they have been living together in perfect harmony for more than 30 years. The spouses do not have their own children. A woman works as a director in a general education institution and at the same time helps her husband in his ministry. Through her efforts, the Parish School was organized. In addition, she works as a psalmist in the choir.
The servant of God rarely mentions his wife. But one day he admitted that he received a very flattering compliment from his mother: “Father Artemy, you have succeeded as a priest!”
No. 30 (975) / August 7 '18
Conversations with the priest
In this topic:
Conversations with the priest
Priest Konstantin Korepanov: The Baptism of Rus' and the Sacrament of Baptism
Conversations with the priest
Priest Andrey Grebenyuk: Even during a day of pilgrimage, people can feel grace
The topic of our program was not chosen by chance, because the Church recently celebrated the memory of the Holy Royal Passion-Bearers, so today we will talk about family, about family happiness. And the first question: what lessons of family happiness can the example of the Royal Family give us?
– Not only can it, but it also gives it to everyone who, at least once, with interest and curiosity, opens truthful memoirs and studies the lives of the August Royal Family. As for myself, I noticed that after any, even small touch on this topic - whether you contemplate portraits, look at photographs, or visit exhibitions in the Hermitage (there was a wonderful one in the spring and summer, dedicated to the Royal Family) - every time you feel: something changes in your soul, in your thoughts, feelings. Looking at their faces (“beautiful faces, // And how hopelessly pale”), delving into the speech of our Sovereign, Empress, reading the innocent, sometimes playful letters of children addressed to their adored parents, you, according to the law of communicating vessels, draw a hitherto unknown height, purity , the ability to think brightly and nobly.
And there is no doubt that the Spirit of God, which once united Tsarevich Nicholas and his chosen one, Princess Alix, at the Wedding, multiplied its effect many times through their life feat of maintaining mutual fidelity, the birth of all the children that God gave them - they did not know what contraception was, They didn’t even think about such a dirty trick, knowing that there is a time of childbirth, and there is a time of abstinence. And, probably, the most precious thing is that deep mutual respect, sometimes reverent, I would even say, reverence of spouses for each other, the hidden joy of children’s communication with “dad,” as they called Nikolai Alexandrovich, the ability to preserve and maintain an atmosphere of mutual sincerity, trust, love.
No one raised their voices in this family (maybe, with the exception of the rarest moments, they are unfamiliar to us), there was no steep spiral of irritability, which often poisons the family happiness of modern people. And, of course, this is their ability to behave in the face of the terrible trials of impending death, violent, unfair, premature, terrible death... And what is it like for a 15-16-year-old creature to think that your life, like a thread, will end in a week, in a month? This ability to remain calm, of course, is based not on Epicureanism or the philosophy of Seneca, but on a deep, living faith in the Risen Christ, without whose will not a single hair falls from our head.
Finally, the very minutes of their death, when only a secret prayer to the Creator and only mutual warmth, each other’s breathing could support them in a terrible hour... They were surrounded by people devoid of humanity, these were professional killers, who, by the way, who went crazy, who died an evil death after this murder and sadistic destruction (they finished off the princesses with bayonets). And all these are no longer lessons, but that precious experience with which we can enrich ourselves, if we want, with love, day after day, year after year, studying, delving into the fabric of their short but wonderful life.
How can we get closer to this ideal of the Royal Family?
- Very simple. To begin with, modern parents must understand what is most precious in the lives of their children. Answer: health. I agree with this. Health is mental and physical. So, it is important to preserve innocence, purity, the desire of parents to protect their children from corruption, so that they grow up without being kissed and can therefore manage their lives, make the right decisions, that is, find their life partners. In fact, it turns out that when children fight off their parents (like mustangs running away somewhere into the prairie, breaking free from their leash), then, despite receiving many mental traumas and physical wounds, they still do not stop dreaming of happiness. The topic has been very well chosen by you today, because there is happiness within us, happiness is not the sum of the circumstances around us, but the way we perceive the world, through what prism, lens we look at this world. And, probably, the closest understanding of happiness is to the words “harmony”, “concord”, “peace”, “inner completeness”, “unanimity”, “unanimity”, “service”.
Are you asking me how to get closer? Imitate the Tsar, who was absolutely faithful to his chosen one. Where is that cheesy movie Matilda now? He is gone, he died noisily, no one is interested in him - a malicious, vulgar, cheap thing. And the Tsar and Empress, beautiful in their mutual love and fidelity, remain with us always. And I would say this is the central point of family happiness. Every day, the priests at Confession encounter misfortunes, the roots of which are frivolity, frivolity, being led by sensuality, a complete diminishment of responsibility, especially in men, a sense of duty, loyalty to those to whom we have sworn allegiance, whom we have “tamed.”
When starting a family, what should spouses first pay attention to in mutual communication?
“Several couples come to me almost every week who consider the priest to be the third, but not superfluous, person who can help create their happiness. And the priest, of course, does not intrusively, not from a high bell tower, but in a friendly, family way (as you now address millions of viewers on the Soyuz TV channel) shares his experience. This year I have been married for 35 years - and, of course, looking back, you already analyze your mistakes, rethink them, and can give practical advice.
Of course, when we talk about the very beginning, grooming, courtship, acquaintance, you need to be able to look into the very heart of a person, see his soul, not be deceived only by a ghostly appearance, but understand what is there in the bosom, how your chosen one lives, what your chosen one breathes . Because it’s so offensive when a person is carried away only by form. Like Tatyana Larina, remember? Stuffed with French novels, she saw Onegin, he became the subject of her nightly thoughts, but she still did not know him at all.
So, it is important to be able to feel the soul and understand whether a person (a girl, a boy) has a king in his head, whether there is an ideal of family life, whether this person whom you have attracted or have your eye on strives to create a family as an absolute enduring values. After all, family is like the Motherland: “It is sweet to die for Mother Russia.” Family is something you should hold on to with both hands during not only the honeymoon or the first year of marriage, but also 5 and 25 years later. Family is what grows, what you must protect, what you must direct your “beautiful impulses” to.
And if a girl or a boy, instead of understanding the value of a future family, has only his own “I”, if only I think about myself or my loved one, if I look at the people around me as a means of extracting some joules, pleasures, including sensual ones, carnal pleasure is a bad thing. The main enemy of family happiness is selfishness: selfishness, inability and therefore lack of understanding of how to give of yourself - piece by piece, pinch off from yourself piece by piece - creating a family world.
How to distinguish love from falling in love and what are the advantages of falling in love, what are its disadvantages?
– There are advantages, and they are the greatest, in my opinion. Let's remember how a man in love, Romeo, changes. What's happening to him? Let me keep silent about the fact that men and young men begin to wash their socks and keep their nails clean, according to A.S. Pushkin, that “you can be a efficient person // And think about the beauty of your nails.” But a person in love is a bit of a poet, he lives the fullness of his inner life, thinks about her, he sees her image even in a cup of tea. He watches his language, that rough, oily word “damn” goes away, he even sometimes breaks out into a poetic line: “I remember a wonderful moment: you appeared before me,” he never tires of serving his chosen one, he is so attentive that he even predicts her unspoken desires. They feel good together: “Stop, just a moment!” Even when they are silent, their hearts carry on an inaudible dialogue.
Therefore, I would say very simply: dear lovers, try to maintain a major, sublime, life-affirming, romantic, high, noble, bright state 10 and 25 years later. Actually, Saint Theophan the Recluse, a wonderful ascetic, hermit, monk, teacher of morality, writes that the whole task of family life is to treat your chosen one with the same reverence and tenderness 25 years after the wedding as at the hour when you made proposed to her and walked down the aisle with her.
Question from a TV viewer: “I have a difficult family situation: my wife and I live in a married marriage, but, unfortunately, a lot of people are trying to make their own adjustments and their own rules. I would like to ask for your advice on what to do in this case and how best to proceed: it does not always work out that you can live separately. And what’s the best way to do it – maybe move to another city or just separate?”
– Yes, living life is not a field to cross, and you cannot fit specific situations into any textbook of family life. But still, hearing a very deep question from our TV viewer, I would remind the participants of our today’s meeting a wonderful saying: my home is my fortress. First of all, this applies to the family, to the life of the spouses. You can’t put a hut of family life on the south side so that it is open to all winds. You can’t even allow your closest relatives, mothers on both sides, with their corrections, their comments, their corrections, into your fragile family whole. Experience shows that a crisis awaits the family if we keep our hearts wide open and share our mutual difficulties and sorrows with our family.
Therefore, when parents ask young spouses (always with hidden interest): “Well, how is yours? Well, doesn’t your young wife upset you? My little son, you are my little blood, my little teardrop” (we are now talking about a married Christian husband and wife) - they must show ingenuity and wisdom: “Mommy, everything is fine. Thank you for your prayers, we are doing well.” Maybe not everything is as good as we would like, but you cannot lay out, spill the beads of this love and everything that family life is full of outside. There must be a certain, if not secrecy, then at least limitation of information, non-dissemination.
Of course, it is best for a young family to live separately, and this needs to be thought about in advance. However, circumstances are not always conducive to this. For example, for the first 19 years I lived in a Khrushchev-era building, in a 2-room apartment with my beloved mother-in-law and her mother. They are in one room, and my wife and I (later we became father and mother) are in another. And, you know, for 19 years I didn’t quarrel at all with my mother-in-law, who became in many ways like a second mother to me (not because I’m so good or wise, but because she behaved very tactfully and correctly).
As soon as my mother and I quarrel and somehow look around in the hope of support from Inna Dmitrievna, my wife’s deceased mother, she beautifully says: “My children, you yourself found each other in this cold and cruel world, you If you started a family, figure it out yourself, please don’t touch me.” She, like Switzerland, maintained neutrality - and how wise it turned out to be and how wrong are those mothers who invade a young family like a wedge, like penetrating radiation, wanting to correct something. As a result, the marriage is bursting at the seams.
At least, if it is not possible to move a certain distance away from your relatives, you can live with them, this has always been the case in Russian patriarchal families: up to three generations fit into a huge peasant hut, somewhere in the Arkhangelsk region. But there must be a smile, friendliness, it is important to learn not to offend your elders (I am sincerely surprised why modern beautiful, handsome young people in all respects lack some kind of roundness and diplomacy), you need to try to build relationships with old people, with mothers, fathers. so that everyday life turns into a holiday for them.
Of course, in a certain sense, they live in the interests of the children, are waiting for grandchildren and are not overjoyed at the opportunity to put a baby on their lap, but also under parental control, there is no need to spoil the children. You know, it’s so easy to give advice that I can’t resist it and there will be no end to it. In fact, the most important thing is to maintain humanity in relationships and be able to hold on to relatives if they are trying to flood our little mansion like a wave of the sea: “Mommy, forgive me, please, my wife and I receive on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Tuesday has already passed, Thursday has not yet come, we must be alone... We are going to the Bolshoi Theater, tickets there are very expensive, we can’t take you yet.”
How should spouses deal with each other's shortcomings?
- Man is molded from shortcomings - convexities and concavities - but at the same time, each of us is created in the image and likeness of God. Do you remember that the religious philosopher Chaadaev once wrote in one of his letters about Russia: “It is difficult to love the Motherland with your eyes closed”? We shouldn't have blinkered eyes. And, of course, the more wise a Christian is, the more psychological he is. The more he entered the world of prayer to God, the more he read in patristic literature, the easier it was for him to perceive a person with all his pros and cons.
Christ Himself answered your question, and I would like to remind myself and those around me of the great commandment of the Founder of our faith, the risen Savior: “Bear one another’s burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ.” Each of us, taken individually, is a fairly weighty, heavy number; it is easy to communicate only with the Lord: He is the source of His perfections. Each of us has limitations and shortcomings - I’m a sleepyhead and a glutton (well, where can I go?), but I know how to say something and start a good conversation, entertain society. Therefore, we value a person for one of his talents, but look condescendingly at his other shortcomings. Bear each other’s burdens, that is, be able to perceive a person “with all his guts” with generosity and nobility; do not focus on the negative, but, on the contrary, hold on to the positive qualities of the interlocutor.
If a situation arises when spouses want to be alone, is this normal?
- Move away from each other?
This is fine? Or is this an indicator of a crisis in family relationships?
– It depends on the specific case. If we are dealing with Christian souls deep in faith, then let us say, hand on heart, that only in communion with the Lord God, in solitude, when you are one with the One God, does the soul truly rest, for God feeds it with the energy of love. When we are close, side by side, a Christian always tunes the “orchestra under the direction of love” - his soul, the strings of his soul - to serve. What is service? In my opinion, this is always dedication: I listen to you carefully, I try to understand what makes you sad, how I can please you.
I have certain responsibilities as a husband towards my wife, I must show my care in some small gestures and actions, and this is always a certain strain - serving the household 25 hours a day. Imagine, children are growing up: nothing is more important to them than personal maternal love, personal paternal participation. Everything is relative. Therefore, for such a motivated spouse, the opportunity, when everyone has gone to bed, to open a prayer book in the kitchenette, read the canon for Communion, or open a favorite book, be it a patristic book or something from classical literature, these minutes, half an hour, an hour of solitude is like a respite, like a calm, like fresh lake water. Now you have cooled down, perked up a little, your wings have risen, and you are flying to your nest to share those moral and spiritual resources that you have accumulated in solitude.
Tell me, how to preserve fragile family happiness? If it is lost, how can it be resurrected?
– The question is not an eye-opener, but an eye-opener, because it’s not for nothing that the Russian people say: what we have, we don’t keep, and when we lose it, we cry. Imagine: a married couple, young, in relative prosperity, everything is fine with them, but they lack one thing - the ability to enjoy life, to cherish the unity given to them, but there is a lot of negativity and discontent. You know how women pass everything through their hearts, emotions, often quite heavy: “You promised to come at 9 o’clock, but you came at 9.15, under such conditions I cannot feed you dinner. Go have dinner where you came from.” - “Honey, calm down, I was sitting in a traffic jam.” - “You have traffic jams every day! You yourself are a traffic jam!” Where did that come from? An elephant emerged from a fly. And you know, I’m terribly offended that, perhaps, quite a few of our television friends strive to turn the gift of family life into the first circle of hell. Intonation, irritability, frowning...
What does Bulat Okudzhava say? How to maintain family life? Yes, listen to his song: “Let's compliment each other... There is no need to be afraid of pompous words... After all, these are all wonderful moments of love...”! And this is genuine spiritual culture, intelligence, enlightenment. Close your eyes to little things, know how to please your husband with your bright appearance, and then ask: “Where is the salary?” There is no need to peck at the poor hubby, men are so fragile, brittle - you need to feed him first, he will give everything himself.
Thus, in my opinion, to protect family happiness is to avoid rudeness, it is to curb your tongue (a sharp word, a woman’s forked tongue simply hits the kidneys), to be able to create an atmosphere of trust, patience, and joy. And, of course, serving together. A baby has appeared, all the mental and physical strength of the spouses (not only women, but also men) goes into raising this sparrow. And there, you see, they bought 10 acres: the wife, like a shrew, digs around, plants tulips, tubers there - help, hubby, there’s nothing to watch: The football championship has already passed, we’ll be preparing for the Olympic Games, let’s perch ourselves at the garden bed and the weeds pull it. This is love, this is unity, this is caring for the family.
What is the role of prayer in family life?
– What is the role and significance of cement lime that holds the bricks together? Lay out the house simply from bricks, but forget to put concrete mortar between the rows: the first storm warning - and the house will collapse. In this sense, believing spouses, of course, are called to pray for each other and for their children in private prayers, in the secrets of their hearts. But it is very important to pray together. The basis of the foundations is the Sunday Divine Liturgy. Dad, mom, children in festive clothes come to God's temple - it is a universal joy to see a complete family in our time under the arches of an Orthodox church.
And, ideally, start and finish morning and evening together. But in practice, dad may leave early for work, the children need to get ready for school... But at least in the evening, before going to bed, gather for a few minutes in front of the icon, thank the Lord for the past day, take a blessing for the coming night, hug each other - this is an idyll. May God grant that in every family in Russia, with God’s help and with the help of the Soyuz TV channel and a little of the Spas TV channel, the primordial principles of faith, hope, love, harmony, peace, and joyful service to each other will be revived. And in this way you and I will serve the Lord and the Fatherland.
Recorded by: Elena Kuzoro
You can view or listen to the full version of the program on the website of the Soyuz TV channel.
