Destined from above
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The Lord gives a person freedom of choice, including in various decisions. But he cannot make such decisions as marriage, marrying a person. The Lord can only give a chance to meet a life partner, a good girl, a guy, but the person praying must take on the work on the relationship himself.
Usually parents beg for children who have gone astray, but they are not always able to return their lost child to a normal lifestyle. There are too many temptations, troubles, experiences that turn out to be stronger than prayers. And the parents themselves do not change their behavior, so they do not receive correction.
Much the same applies to choosing a husband and wife. Don't expect to marry a model while lying on the couch with chips and beer. That is why the Lord does not give a person a life partner, he brings unhappy love into life, so that the person will pay attention to his own sins and correct them. However, you should not give up - prayer can create great power.
They say that good grooms beg, is it true?
One could say so. The fact is that prayer changes the one who prays. If a girl begins to pray for a good husband and asks God for wisdom to make him happy, she has already taken a step towards becoming a good wife. And if a young man, instead of being afraid of responsibility, asks God for strength and intelligence to become a good husband, he, too, has taken his first step towards family life. And like, as you know, tends to like. Readers will find one such story at the end of the book - “Elena's Story.”
How not to despair while waiting for your future spouse: years pass, but he still doesn’t come...
If he doesn’t come, then there are reasons for it. It is unlikely that they are that there is no suitable person in the world or that the Lord does not have enough strength to unite him with you. Most likely, you are not ready for marriage. But we came into this world not to have something, but to learn something.
However, the desire to have, alas, is often stronger than the desire to learn. Little children, barely starting to speak, begin to shout: “Give it to me!!!”, pointing their finger in the right direction. When we grow up, we say: “I want a wife (or husband)…” But this word “I want” has no value in heaven. But from there it is clearly visible whether we are ready to learn what will allow us to be a good husband or a good wife. And besides, by a strange coincidence, those who know how to manage well on their own get married faster. So learn to live without a spouse - you see, he will appear faster.
How should you pray for the gift of a spouse?
How to pray? In the simplest words: “Lord, send me a spouse.” Or express the same request in some other way, but do not complicate it. Be few words in prayer
(see Matthew 6:7), says the Lord. Pray sincerely, from the heart, attentively, turning to God through all the impressions of the present moment. And with complete faith.
The word “faith” includes two concepts at once. First, of course, is faith in the existence of God. The fact that He hears us, even when we do not turn to Him, and even more so listens when we ask Him for something. He can help us if He wants, and He knows what we need.
But there is another meaning of the word “faith” - trust in God. For example, Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness...
(see Gen. 15:6). Abraham did not doubt the existence and power of God, but the Lord promised him the impossible - in a year you, a hundred years old, will have a son. And Abraham believed. His wife, Sarah, did not believe until she became pregnant.
This is how you pray: both with faith in God and with trust in Him. Not with claims, not with arrogance, not with grumbling, but with trust. With trust in God, who loves us and gives us what is most useful to us, although sometimes it is not what we ask. Be prepared for the fact that you may not get what you ask for. This is fine. God is our Lord, not our servant. He knows better what to give us and what not.
And one last thing. The words of prayer must be confirmed by actions. Here is another letter: “What should I do in relation to a young man with whom I have been friends for three years, and when I repeatedly directly raised the question about the future of our relationship, he did not answer me anything clear. However, as experience shows, he is not going to interrupt communication with me. I don’t love this person, but there is a certain attachment that I want to break, because I feel bad with him, and I’m scared without him, because I really want to start a family, but there is no one else. It’s amazing to communicate with a person and at the same time pray to God so that he sends another, and that this one under no circumstances makes me an offer, since I cannot refuse. And I won’t be able to live with him.”
If you don’t want to be proposed to and pray to God about it, if you feel bad with this person, break up with him. Without doing your part, you leave no room for God to do his.
What if you pray and pray for years, shout to God in prayer, but the bride and groom still don’t come?
Remember the good old fairy tale film “Morozko”? “Are you warm, girl?” Morozko asks, breathing cold air on the girl left by her father in the forest. “It’s warm, Morozushka,” she answers him... And she returns home in a sleigh drawn by three horses, with her groom and dowry. Another one answers the same question: “Are you crazy, old man? A groom and more money for me.” And she returned home in a sleigh drawn by three pigs, and a flock of crows flew out of the “dowry” box.
There is no groom - learn to live without a groom. No bride - learn to live without a bride. We all want something, but we need to be able to accept life as it is. And, by the way, the more sincerely we thank God for what we have, the more we will be able to accept something more from Him.
The Good Giver looks at both the request and the time. Just as fruit taken before its time is harmful, so a gift given at the wrong time causes harm, but later it is useful. If the request is untimely, then the Giver hesitates to fulfill it.
St. Ephraim the Syrian.
If it slows down sometimes, it depends on the unwillingness of the person asking to accept it. You crossed yourself once or twice, and you expect that the whole sky is about to move to your aid; meanwhile, you are not moving even a hair's breadth towards what God requires of you in your present circumstances. How can I hear you? Repent, confess your sins, set out to correct your heartfelt dispositions, and wait to see how God is pleased to arrange for you, without predetermining it. Then even if the thought comes to you that God does not hear, you will still have at least some reason for it. But I think that such a thought will no longer come. For then your conscience will assure you that you have still suffered little compared to your sins, and will force you to pray: add, Lord, in order to be completely cleansed.
St. Feofan, the Recluse
/From the book “On the Path to Marriage” by Priest Mikhail Nemnonov and Anna Danilova/
What should those who want to find a good wife or husband do?
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Archpriest Dmitry Smirnov advised parishioners to be careful when choosing their soulmate. He has repeatedly said that starting a family in the modern world is not easy, especially when young people are unsteady on their feet and do not have their own home or permanent job. The need to live with a bunch of relatives and anxious parents spoils even the best relationships between spouses. He especially sympathized with women who were forced to endure their husband’s festivities and family troubles.
To get married and have a successful marriage, Archpriest Dmitry Smirnov advised:
- Take a closer look at your chosen one, see how hardworking he is, whether he can withstand the difficulties of living together;
- Do not allow intimacy before marriage;
- Don't just follow your feelings;
- Ask about his readiness for a family, whether he is too dependent on his mother;
- He advised the guys to pay attention not only to the girl’s appearance;
- Do not marry non-believers, atheists, especially ardent ones.
Andrei Tkachev advised looking for a bride “not in a round dance, but in the city.” The holy elders believed that for a successful marriage it is important for both to be able to endure difficulties. To know that external beauty will become familiar over time and will disappear, but the internal will remain. However, it is important to pray - the Lord will help you navigate the world of temptations.
Such a different faith
— Is it true that women’s and men’s faiths are somehow different and manifest themselves differently?
- Of course, this is also described in the Gospel. There is an image of the apostles, and there is an image of the myrrh-bearing women. These are images of female and male attitudes not to faith itself, but to manifestations of faith. Therefore, when a woman meets Christ, she should not expect the same manifestations of faith and the same feelings from a man. He will see it differently! And with her eyes, her heart, her feelings, he cannot pass this path.
— If we transfer this to the modern world and our reality, how do these differences manifest themselves?
— The world of the Gospel is always modern, so there is no need to shift anything. It’s just that everyone can recognize themselves in this. The apostles did not go early to the Tomb, because they, as men, understood: this is madness! Why go to the Tomb at night if it is filled with a heavy stone that a person cannot move, and there are Roman guards standing there?! Pointless, useless! And the myrrh-bearing women - let's go. They wanted to complete everything to the end, even if it was impractical and irrational. They acted contrary to logic - and became the first witnesses of the Resurrection.
We see how the women find themselves at the Cross, and the men run away - everyone except the Apostle John. But at the same time, the men ascend Mount Tabor, while the sacrament of the Eucharist is performed before the apostles. And all the main secrets of the Kingdom of Heaven are first revealed to them...
Beautiful inner irrationality, in a sense, makes it easier for a woman to find faith, since faith is confidence in invisible things. And among men, their excessive rationality, on the one hand, sometimes acts as an obstacle to faith, and on the other hand, contributes to a deeper understanding of it. So men and women complement each other in the Church. Therefore, the family is an image of the Church.
in search of happiness
Despite all this, my heart did not harden, I was always looking for something bright and pure, I went to church, lit candles and thought: does God see me, can He help me with anything?
One day I came to the church for Easter to bless Easter cakes. But there were so many people there that I had to stick my candle somewhere right at the entrance, without even entering the building, and set it on fire. But I didn’t succeed, the candle immediately went out, and besides, I accidentally put out someone else’s candle next to me. The woman standing next to me began to be indignant, her neighbor began to defend me. In general, they turned on each other, insults rained down, I couldn’t stand it and moved away from them. And suddenly the same women come up to the priest and kiss his hand and bless the water. Somehow all this did not fit together in my mind - swearing and kissing hands, anger and hypocritical humility. No reverence, no prayers when entering the temple, as my mother taught me. That's why my heart became heavy. I came home not with a calm soul, but on the contrary, with grief in my heart. I sat down, broke my fast with vodka and thought: Where are you, God? Is there a place where you can be calm and happy? . Now I understand that not a single word of mine addressed to God was in vain, He was always invisibly next to me, trying to reach my heart through various circumstances.
And then one day fate brought me together with very interesting people. It was like this.
Prayer to the Lord for the gift of love - text of the prayer
Lord Heavenly Father!
In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray to You for my family happiness.
Grant us in our family love for each other.
Grant to us that our love may strengthen and multiply.
Teach me to love my spouse with all my heart, teach me to love him (her) as You and Your Son Jesus Christ loved me.
Grant me to understand what I need to remove from my life and what I need to learn so that we can have a happy family.
Grant me wisdom in my behavior and in my words so that I never irritate or upset my spouse. Amen.
background
I'll start all over again. I got married, hoping to live happily ever after with my husband, gave birth to two twin girls and, as best I could, or rather, as we were all taught then, became independent and independent. What Nekrasov wrote about a Russian woman: She will stop a galloping horse and enter a burning hut - this is just about me. I was a general in my family, and I had no intention of taking off my general’s shoulder straps. I constantly nagged both my children and my husband: Do this, do that. There was no warm, trusting relationship between us, there were only reproaches and discontent. In addition, I didn’t let myself down: it seemed to me that if I didn’t do something, then no one would do it. Naturally, in this situation, everything turned upside down: I took the initiative from my husband, making him useless and unnecessary in the house, although I was exhausted from the burden that I had shouldered. But no one told me that I needed to radically change family relationships. The Soviet government, on the contrary, called for equality and emancipation; television constantly showed women working at blast furnaces or laying asphalt. So I thought I was living correctly. And when my husband started drinking, again I blamed him for everything. Thus began 15 long years of his continuous drunkenness and my suffering.
