How to address a priest - rules of church etiquette

Like any other community, an Orthodox church has its own rules of communication and etiquette. The general approaches can be understood intuitively - in church you are not supposed to talk loudly, come in too flashy or provocative clothes, you need to behave calmly and not disturb others in their prayers. Much of Orthodox etiquette can be learned by looking at others.

Most often, newly-made Christians have difficulties in personal communication with clergy. The priests and everyone involved in the service in the temple seem to us almost celestial beings who are very different from mere mortals. And very often we do not know how to approach the priest, how to address him, how to start a conversation or ask a question. Let's try to understand the subtleties of church etiquette.

How to contact a priest correctly

When meeting a priest, it is not customary to greet him as an ordinary layman. You need to say: “Bless!” (“Bless, father” or “Father, bless!”), while folding your hands in a cross shape in front of you. When accepting the blessing, you must kiss the priest’s right hand. This should not be done when meeting with deacons and monks who are not invested with the priestly rank - only priests and bishops can bless (you can read about ranks in the church here).

New Christians are sometimes confused by the custom of kissing the hand of priests. Here you need to understand that it is not the priest who actually blesses people, but Christ himself. We apply our lips to His wounds received from the nails. The priest can also bless from a distance, making the sign of the cross with his fingers. Or lay a blessing hand on the bowed head of a Christian. It would be a mistake if, before taking the blessing from the priest, the parishioner begins to baptize himself.

It is more appropriate for parishioners to address the priest as “you,” even if they have friendly, warm relations, especially in the presence of strangers. Speech and gestures should convey respect and decorum. It is necessary to exclude rude words or jargon with which the speech of a worldly person is so replete. You cannot show familiarity; your gaze should be meek and humble. In a conversation, you need to listen more than talk; you should remember that the Lord Jesus Christ himself often expresses his will through the priest.

If there are personal problems that cannot be announced publicly, a parishioner can approach the priest in private and ask his question

The difference between a deacon and a priest is the presence of a pectoral cross

The priest must wear a pectoral cross and you can address him as “father.” It is
quite simple to distinguish a deacon from a priest: the deacon does not have a pectoral cross. The archimandrite wears a cross with decorations, the archpriest (abbot) wears a gilded or decorated cross, the priest (hieromonk) wears a silver cross.

In order not to be mistaken, you can use the simplest address: Father (name), and if you know the position, then (rector, vicar, dean): Father rector, father deacon, etc.

Sometimes getting a hint on the question of how to greet a priest (a person of clergy) will help you get acquainted. The clergy themselves, when introducing themselves, state their rank and name: Archpriest Vasily, Archdeacon Nikolai, and so on.

How do parishioners communicate with the priest?

Communication with a priest can take place in different forms. Firstly, there is prayer (liturgical) communication. When the priest conducts the service and we are all present, there is a joint prayerful communication. Many prayers are sung not only in the choir, but also by everyone who is in the temple. For example, Our Father, Creed, Praise the name of the Lord..., Most honorable cherub... and others. Such communication is the highest prayer, and believers better feel the response of the fact that they visited the temple and worship.

Secondly, there is communication with the priest in the temple. It can be described as pedagogical. The priest teaches about something, says something, for example, reads sermons. Any Christian present in the church can hear in them answers to pressing questions. Fellowship also takes place in Sunday school. Here it is realized to a greater extent as a dialogue than a monologue. A Christian can ask questions directly to the priest and receive answers.

Personal communication with a priest

There is general communication, such as preaching, and there is private communication. A parishioner can approach the priest in private and ask his question. There are personal problems that cannot be announced publicly. But a Christian has a desire and a need to know what to do. For example, a girl just got married and doesn’t know what to do correctly in a given situation. She hasn’t read anything about it or has no one to tell her.

Many try to resolve their problems in confession, asking questions about something not related to repentance. It is not right. Confession is the result of the spiritual work done. Questions like “is it a sin or not a sin”, “can one do this or not” and so on are inappropriate here. You need to come to confession clearly knowing the answers to all these questions, and bring repentance and condemnation of yourself. All everyday moments and bewilderment should be removed so that the sacrament does not become darkened or dissipated.

How and when to approach a priest

Usually the priest is not very inclined to communicate before the service. There are a number of reasons for this. The priest prepares for the liturgy, for this purpose he comes to the temple in advance and performs various preparatory actions at the altar. Therefore, he does not always have time to talk.

It happens that a Christian waits for the priest before the service to ask a question or discuss problems. He approaches the priest, and he tells him that there is no time and passes by. This person becomes upset, offended and leaves the service altogether or does so immediately after its end. Therefore, it is better not to approach the priest before the service, so as not to distract and distract him. At this time, the priest’s mind is busy preparing for the liturgy and he has no time for communication or questions.

In the morning, when confession takes place, the priest also stops attempts to communicate with him. If the sacrament of repentance is mixed with personal communication and conversations on exciting topics, then the priest will not have time to confess to everyone. When you have nothing to say in confession, it is better not to approach at all. The priest is especially busy if he serves alone in the temple. He needs to do everything, including the notes sent by parishioners.

After the service, the priest is often free if there are no requirements. He is open to communication and can take the time to answer questions. Perhaps the church has a Sunday school for adults. There you can ask any questions, chat with the priest and other Christians. But there are things that need to be discussed in private, such as personal topics. It is better to address this after the service.

When the priest leaves the altar, having finished all his business, you can approach him and tell him about the need to talk with him, and also ask when he could find time for this. Perhaps the priest will immediately offer to chat. Priests often spend the whole day in the temple, for example, on duty, doing paperwork, and so on. In this case, as a rule, there is always free time. With a personal question, you can approach either one person or two or more. For example, a husband and wife cannot find a common solution on any issue. Sometimes it comes to the point that the family is about to fall apart, and a conversation with the priest helps restore peace and love between these two people.

You can also contact the priest in writing, see the video about this:

Why contact a priest with questions?

So, it is imperative to contact the priest with questions, but do it correctly, taking into account the time and place. For what? A priest is a Christian who has more knowledge and experience than an ordinary parishioner. He willingly shares all this when you ask for help. But if a Christian does not consult with the priest on various issues, then on many of them he remains perplexed and cannot fully understand the essence of things, phenomena happening to him. This also applies to family relationships. Often, improperly built relationships between husband and wife lead to accumulated grievances and quarrels. Although, in fact, there is no reason for this. But to realize this, advice is needed from a more spiritual person who also has experience in earthly affairs.

In church practice, it happens that a Christian wanted to know something, but for some reason did not do it. As you know, a holy place is never empty. An inexperienced Christian receives an answer from some compassionate old neighbor who teaches all sorts of superstitions. A person begins to do as “good” people told him to do. For example, there are a lot of different rumors, superstitions and prejudices surrounding the topic of funeral prayer.

Therefore, parishioners can and should ask the priest for advice or explanations on an unclear issue. After the service, you need to wait for the priest, come up and ask: “Father, I have a few questions. Can you spare some time for me? Or tell me when to come?” And the priest will not refuse. Whether your meeting will be arranged now, in half an hour, or postponed until tomorrow - it depends on the circumstances. In addition, all priests have telephones and social networks. You can also ask your question via the Internet. This will not distract the priest from his work, since he will give his answer at any time convenient for him.

What hinders communication with a priest?

There are various misconceptions about clergy that are common among parishioners. Firstly, for some reason many people believe that the priest seems to disappear after the service, dissolves like a celestial being, and in real life, next to us, he is not there. But this is a misconception. Clergy are people just like everyone else. They also live in the world, they are here with everyone else. You can find them, call, write, contact in any other way.

Another false idea is that parishioners think the priest is tired after the service. This deprives them of the determination to approach him and ask him about the problem. In fact, any clergyman can confirm that even long, fasting services only add strength and determination to serve God. Therefore, even after standing for four or five hours, the priest will always find the strength to communicate with the parishioner.

Yes, the altar server may be a little disheveled or disheveled, but it is quite possible to approach him. In this case, you need to act not forcefully, guided only by your own interests, but by asking when the priest will be able to spare time for a conversation. In order not to forget anything, you need to write down all important thoughts and questions in a notebook. This will help you stay focused and not get distracted during the upcoming conversation.

We invite you to watch a video about greeting an Orthodox Christian:
We recommend that you read the article on the topic of why contradictions arise in the Bible, examples of such. About this at the link.

Each rank has its own address

Each rank has its own address, accepted in church protocol. To understand which one to choose, you need to determine who is in front of you: a deacon or an archimandrite. In the Orthodox Church there are three degrees of clergy:

• Deacon (archdeacon, protodeacon, deacon, hierodeacon);
• Priestly (protopresbyter, archpriest, archimandrite, abbot, priest, hieromonk);
• Episcopal (patriarch, metropolitan, archbishop, bishop).

And two categories of clergy: black (monastic) and white. The white clergy is the most numerous: it includes clergy who did not take monastic vows.

They are allowed to have a family and children, they are closest to worldly life. The monastic clergy assumes complete celibacy; they devote their lives to serving God and take three monastic vows - chastity, obedience and non-covetousness (voluntary poverty).

The deacon does not wear a pectoral cross and is addressed as “Father Deacon”

Taken together, the three degrees, making up the three-rank hierarchy of the Orthodox Church, form the clergy. Therefore they are called clerics, or otherwise clergy. In addition to the clergy, there are also clergy - subdeacons, readers (singers), and candlebearers.

They are lower clerics and assist the clergy in performing divine services. As a rule, parishioners do not turn to them.

In addition, clergy, priests and higher officials of the Church have strict divisions in their responsibilities:

• Deacons proclaim prayer requests during services and help the priest during the Sacraments;
• Priests (priests, archpriests) can perform the Sacraments;
• Bishops not only perform the Sacraments, but can also ordain deacons and priests.