How to Express Condolences for a Death in Your Own Words

Condolences

Condolences on the occasion of death will show true empathy for the loss of a person who is experiencing great shock and needs moral support. Death is always around us, but we notice it only when it knocks on our house or the house of a truly loved one. Such a death takes you by surprise and no one is ever prepared for the fact that on that day they lost someone dear to them. As Bulgakov once noted in his immortal masterpiece, the problem is not that man is mortal. The main problem is that he is suddenly mortal.

Texts of condolences

• I mourn your loss. I know this is a hard blow for you
• We offer our sincere condolences to all family and friends
• I was told that your brother died. I'm very sorry, I mourn with you
• A wonderful man has passed away. I send my condolences to you and your entire family at this sad and difficult moment.
• This tragedy has hurt all of us. But of course, it affected you the most. My condolences
• I understand how difficult it is to lose a loved one. I'm really sorry. Perhaps I can help you with something now?
• Sincere condolences to family and friends. Big loss for us. Her memory will be in our hearts. We mourn together with our families.
• Please accept our sincere condolences. May God reward her in heaven for all the good she did. She is and will remain in our hearts...
• We offer you and your entire family our deepest condolences on your tragic death... We share your grief and offer you words of support and consolation. We pray for the deceased... With condolences,...
• Sincere condolences to the family and friends of the untimely departed... from our entire family. It is very bitter to lose your loved ones, family and friends, and doubly bitter if the young, beautiful and talented leave us. May God rest his soul.
• Everyone who knew him is grieving now, because such a tragedy cannot leave anyone indifferent. I understand how difficult it is for you right now. I will never be able to forget him and I assure you that I will support you in every possible way, should you contact me.
• We mourn with you the untimely passing of... Over the years of our friendship, we knew him as.... This is a great loss for everyone, we express our sincere condolences to the parents, all relatives and friends. May God bless his soul.
• They say they love their grandchildren even more than their children. And we felt this love of our grandmother (grandfather) to the fullest. Their love will warm us all our lives, and we, in turn, will pass on a piece of this warmth to our grandchildren and great-grandchildren - may the sun of love never fade...
• There is nothing worse and more painful than losing a child. It is impossible to find such words of support to ease your pain even a little. One can only imagine how difficult it is for you right now. Please accept our sincere condolences on the death of your dear daughter.
• Dear... I may not have known your father very well personally, but I know how much he meant in your life, because you so often spoke about his love of life, sense of humor, wisdom, care for you... I think that many people will miss him grab I pray to God for you and your family.
• There are no words to express how deeply we mourn the death... . She was a wonderful, kind woman. We cannot even imagine how much of a blow her passing was for you. We miss her endlessly and remember how she once... She was a model of tact and mercy. We are happy that she was in our lives. You can count on our help at any moment.
• I am truly sorry for the loss of your dad. I express my sincere sympathy to all of you and know this is a very sad and sad time for you. I know from my own life how deep the loss is when you realize that he will no longer be in your life. I can tell you, the only thing that can help you get over your loss is your memories. Your father lived a long and full life and achieved a lot in his life. He will always be remembered as a hardworking, intelligent and loving man. My thoughts and prayers will be with you all. May you find solace in your family and friends who share your loss. My deepest condolences.

Option #6

To the President of the Union of Museums of Russia

D. Kh. Ivanov

Dear Colleagues!

We are deeply saddened by the news of the death of the executive director of the Union of Museums of Russia, Yulia Eduardovna Yakovleva.

It is difficult and sad to realize that a true museum worker, a talented devotee, defender and custodian of cultural heritage, and an invaluable museum professional has passed away.

Yulia Eduardovna’s versatile activities have earned the respect of the entire Russian museum community. Please accept our sincere condolences.

CEO

Federal State Budgetary Institution “All-Russian Museum

unification of musical culture

them. M. I. Glinka"

N. V. Vikulin

October 2022

Condolences in verse

When the parents leave, the light in the window fades forever. My father’s house is empty and maybe I dream about it much more often. * * * Sleep, my angel, calmly and sweetly. Eternity will take you into its arms. You held yourself with dignity and steadfastly survived these hellish torments. * * * On this day, full of heartache, We sympathize with your misfortune, Our life, unfortunately, is not eternal, Every day we are getting closer to the line... We sympathize... Strength of spirit We wish you at this moment, May the earth rest in peace to your loved ones, May The Almighty protects you from troubles.

* * * When you left, the light dimmed, And time suddenly stopped. But they wanted to live together forever... Well, why did it all happen?! * * * Thank you, dear, for being in the world! Thank you for loving me. For all the years that we lived together. I ask you not to forget me. * * * We remember, dear, and grieve, A cold wind blows through our hearts. We love you forever, No one can replace you. * * * How we loved - only the Gods know. Only we knew how we suffered. After all, we went through all the hardships with you, But we could not step over death...

How to express condolences on a death?

The first rule is: Don’t keep your feelings in your heart. Did you come to the funeral? Come and describe what you feel now. Don't hold back your emotions and feelings. There is no need to be ashamed of what you feel. After all, it was not in vain that you came to this funeral and knew the person. Sometimes it is better to say a few kind words through tears and hug the relatives or loved ones of the deceased than to speak hundreds of words, playing the role of a great speaker. Warm words are what everyone is waiting for, from whom heaven has taken away a piece of their soul.

Second rule: Condolences about death are not just words. Can't find the right words for this situation? Don't say too much. Sometimes it's better to just hug or touch the grieving person. Shake hands, cry next to you. Show that the person was not left alone in this grief. Show your grief as best you can. You shouldn’t do everything in a formulaic way and pretend that you’re very sorry if you’re not. A person will immediately understand where there will be falsehood and where there are true feelings and words. A simple handshake is a good chance to express condolences over a death for those who are not very close to the family of the deceased, but came to pay tribute by seeing the person off on his last journey.

Rule Three: Offer whatever help you can. You shouldn’t limit yourself to just words of grief. Not only in word, but also in deed! This rule has always been relevant. You can offer your help to the family of the deceased. For example, a mother with children could lose their sole breadwinner, which means that all these people become victims of deteriorating financial conditions. It is not necessary to help with money. If you can help in another way, offer to help. Such a move will only confirm that you are helping not only with words, but also with deeds. Don't turn your condolences into dead sentences with your words. Back them up with action. Even banal help in organizing a funeral can become very valuable in the eyes of a grieving person who received a blow below the belt so unexpectedly. Do good deeds and they will be appreciated more than just words.

Fourth rule - Pray for the deceased together. Sincere prayer can be seen from afar - this is what all priests and monks say. This is exactly what should be done in the case of condolences. After a few words, the grieving person should pray for the deceased along with the one who is now experiencing the loss. Prayer calms all believers and will bring at least a little harmony into the wounded heart of the grieving person. Prayer distracts even from the greatest grief. Ask God for consolation for those who are suffering severe torment and do not understand why fate took a loved one from them. The prayer will not take much time, but will leave a wonderful impression on those who are now standing in front of you in black clothes and calling on heaven for help and asking for a logical explanation.

Fifth rule - Remember everything positive that you know about the deceased. In order to say real words of consolation, you need to remember all the best things that connect you with him. Did you play football together as a child? Come and tell me that you couldn't find a better teammate. Did he save your dog? Did you let me cheat in class or in university classes? Remember this too. Mentioning original moments from the life of the deceased will only make loved ones smile. If a smile does not appear on your face, it will be in your soul. The deceased could teach you a lot and bring you joy. Share your memories and in a few minutes you will do the impossible - give a spark of joy to those who are now grieving. Did you have a bad relationship with a person who left this world? Then you should understand that people close to him are not to blame for the small disagreements between you. Forget about all the problems that have happened so far, because when trouble knocks on the door, you should forget about everything.

Rule six: Don’t talk about how things will be easier in the future. There is no point in telling parents who have lost their child that they still have a lot of time to create another small miracle. They should not give hope that time will subsequently heal all wounds, because it is at this moment that it seems to them that life will no longer be the same as always. This is precisely the greatest truth of life - everyone understands that life without a loved one will no longer be the same as before his death. Everyone who is now crying at a funeral has just lost their little piece of their soul. A woman who has lost her husband should not be told that she is a real goddess and will definitely not be on her own in this life. Condolences for the death of mom or dad should also not contain calls for future peace and consolation. Let the person grieve the loss and don't talk about future prospects. Any words about the future will be superfluous, since no one believes in it now and will not see the picture you paint.

Rule seven: Don’t say that everything will pass and that you shouldn’t cry. Most people who say these things have never lost a loved one. Just yesterday a person kissed in bed and drank morning dark tea with his beloved, and in the evening she may no longer be in this world. Just yesterday children quarreled with their parents, but tomorrow they may not be there. Just yesterday there was a party with friends, and tomorrow one of them may be taken away by the sky. And the understanding that you can’t bring your loved one back is the worst thing that can happen in this life. Therefore, there is no need to say that crying will not help here. There is no need to say that there is no need to grieve. There is no need to play the role of a psychologist and delve into the psychological state of a person in grief. The first person who says that there is no point in crying only proves that he does not understand the mourner. There is no way to bypass serious stress - just let a person cry who cannot understand why he has now lost the meaning of his life.

Eighth rule - Forget about empty words! Don't make promises you can't keep. Do not talk about optimistic plans for the person (“Everything will be fine”), because he will not perceive it the way you want to present it. A person does not want to hear platitudes and excuses that are so formal that they have become traditional. It is better to help with deeds, rather than saying traditional phrases from films where the main characters are often buried.

Ninth rule - Don't be shy about your feelings! You came to a funeral, not a holiday. Therefore, be prepared that you will want to hug the relatives of the deceased even when you do not know them at all. In grief, everyone is the same. Don’t be shy about feelings that can cover you in a big wave. Do you want a hug? Hug! Would you like a handshake or a touch on the shoulder? Do it! Did a tear roll down your cheek? Don't turn away. Swipe it away. May you be one of those who came to this funeral for a reason. You have come to a loved one who deserves this.

The main conclusion that can be drawn, taking these rules into account, is that you should avoid cliched words of condolences to the relatives of the deceased and actions that will not bring any benefit. Tactless phrases will not do any good. There are words that will only once again cause misunderstandings on the other side, not to mention possible aggression, insult or even disappointment. Perhaps you were a close person to the deceased, and now you are not behaving as his family expects. You must enter the state of shock in which the person is now. Put yourself in the place of the grieving person and then you will understand how to behave correctly. Do not forget that everything you say may not be perceived as it sounds in your mouth. The psychological burden on those who lose a loved one is incredibly large and this is the decisive moment.

What is customary among Muslims?

How to correctly express words of grief in Muslim, including in the Lak language? Muslims have unique traditions, and when expressing condolences, it is necessary to remember that another faith has its own characteristics.

• The most important time to provide support to the loved ones of the deceased is the first hours. It is highly recommended not to put off expressing your condolences to a family who is currently experiencing grief.
• You can show your compassion and participation with any kind words and prayers. During this difficult time, the family of the deceased hopes to hear the following prayer: “May Allah increase your reward and give you patience and forgive the sins of the deceased.”
• Close relatives of the deceased should be given good guidance, comforting them and reminding them that everything in this world is predetermined by the decisions of Allah.
• When expressing your condolences in the home of the family of the deceased, you should leave funny stories, empty talk or jokes until better times. You may come across as a callous and indifferent person who does not care about the grief that has occurred.
• If you want to express your condolences to a Muslim who speaks the Lak language, you should say phrases such as:
  1. My condolences. Ttul dakItsIutsIavu (zhizhara) kyamul bara.

  I sympathize with the grief that happened. Hyussa kurchIishivriy dakI tsIiy dur.

When expressing condolences, you should always remember that fine line when your words turn into stereotyped, boring expressions. Trust your intuition and emotions, which will never let you down. A grieving person most often needs a good friend who can be an understanding and sensitive listener.

What can you offer a grieving person at a funeral?

Ask how you can help. Perhaps the matter will not be in the material dimension at all, although money in this case is never superfluous. The family of the deceased may entrust you to go to the priest or simply agree on the purchase and transportation of the coffin. A small favor to the family, which is now in a difficult state, will not be superfluous. Indeed, at this moment, none of the deceased’s relatives can adequately assess the situation and their thoughts are not at all about the problematic aspects of organizing a funeral.

Have you heard that even after a murder, friends of the deceased say that they must first bury him with honors, and only then look for the killer? The point is that the etiquette of expressing condolences is very interconnected with funerals. Do your best to make sure this funeral goes well, because every person deserves to pass away with the respect of others.

Offer your help in any way. Help will be received well in any case, and even if you are refused, they will still be pleased. Even ordering memorial cards for invitations to funerals or helping to accommodate guests from distant cities in your home would be a wonderful service. Just don’t talk about everything in such a tone as if you are offering just for the sake of simply offering. Offer specific help and receive real gratitude.

How to support someone grieving a loss?

In such a situation, you want to support the person who is experiencing grief, but very often choosing the right words becomes a very difficult task. How to establish contact with a grieving person?

• Try to find the right time to talk . Make sure the bereaved person is open to communication and, if possible, talk to them privately.
• Express your sincere condolences and say a few kind words about the deceased . There is no need to be verbose - express your thoughts clearly and simply.
• Offer your help .
  It is very important to mention exactly what you will be able to do and how much time you will need to provide assistance. You can provide support by praying for the deceased or submitting notes in the church, taking on some household chores or a small part of organizing the funeral, and offering financial assistance. If you receive a refusal, accept it with understanding; you should not take it personally.

Be concise!

Words of condolences should be kept short. No one should speak for long because funerals are not the place for great speakers. Leave thousands of words to the priest who will perform the funeral service for the deceased. Keep it short and say exactly what you think. You should also not speak for a long time at a wake, since too heavy phrases cause distraction and lose their meaning. Don't be afraid to experiment in front of the mirror with a few phrases that you have prepared for yourself.

Warm and sincere words are usually very short, like a declaration of love. Love needs no words, and the deceased is worth only a few sincere sentences. Do not forget that it is easy to feel false condolences, since at such times the relatives and friends of the deceased can boast of an increased sense of sincerity and falseness. Kind words can heal the soul and heart of those who are hurt or heartbroken.

What should those who had a conflict with the deceased do? How to behave and do the relatives and friends of the deceased need condolences from such a person?

Find the strength within yourself to forgive the one who was carried away by the sky. After all, death is the end point of all grievances. If you have done something wrong to the deceased, come and pay tribute. Ask for forgiveness in prayer, even if you are not sure you will receive it. Speak sincerely and the relatives of the deceased will accept it with honor. Leave negativity and unnecessary emotions at home. Do not forget that all grievances die with the person. Do you really regret your fault or just respect your competitor in some way? Come and show his loved ones that he was such a respected person that even his enemies came to honor his memory. Do you have a grudge against the deceased? Forgive and let go. Show this to his loved ones and they will be glad once again that you have forgiven.

Be original!

It's always better to come up with a few good phrases that are your own to say to the loved ones of the deceased. By coming up with these words, you can remember something from a person’s past. Perhaps you know something about him that others will not say. Perhaps you know something that your loved ones don’t know. Or perhaps your friend rarely told his parents that he loved them, but in fact always noted to his friends that he had the best parents in the world? Why don't you sympathize and remember this? Remember something interesting. Say something truly valuable to everyone.

Option No. 8

To loved ones, relatives and colleagues

Professor Mikhail L. Sidorov,

Department of Philology NSTU

Dear colleagues, dear friends!

Having learned the sad news about the death of an outstanding specialist in the field of philology, Mikhail Sidorov, on behalf of the Regional Linguistic Center (RLC) of the Faculty of Philology of the Krasnoyarsk State Pedagogical University. V. P. Astafiev we express our most sincere condolences to the relatives, friends and colleagues of Professor Sidorov, as well as the Faculty of Philology of the Novosibirsk State Technical University, where for more than 30 years Mikhail Leonidovich happily shared his wisdom, knowledge and experience with several generations of students, teachers and researchers . We also express our condolences to the Department of Philology of NSTU, of which he was the head.

With deep respect,

Head of the RLC

Faculty of Philology

KSPU named after. V. P. Astafieva

I. D. Dementyev

April 2022

What should you talk about during condolences?

Say that the person was not just good. Say that it is difficult to find words. Let everyone know that the deceased deserves more words than can be said now. Tell him he was talented. Good. Give examples that will confirm your words. Say that you loved the deceased person, that this is a tragedy for you and that you will miss him. Tell us about what you are grateful for to the deceased and what exactly he did for you. Tell those present that the role of the deceased in your life was great or, on the contrary, not so great, but despite this the world has lost one of the best representatives of humanity. Take breaks. Allow yourself to choose your words. Tell the truth!

Option No. 13

Dear Irina Arnoldovna!

It was with sorrow that I received the news of the death of Alexei Nikolaevich Borisov, an outstanding scientist, a bright, extraordinary person. I express my sincere condolences to you, the children and grandchildren, friends and colleagues of the deceased.

The life of Academician A. N. Borisov was filled with many events and achievements. He made a huge contribution to the development and popularization of domestic science, was the creator and permanent host of the TV show “Multifaceted,” which earned him popular love and public recognition.

I remember our interesting and meaningful meetings and conversations. I am sure that the works and bright image of Alexei Nikolaevich will always inspire his followers and students to scientific discoveries and educational activities.

Sincerely,

CEO

Media holding "Totem"

L. K. Zavarzin

October 14, 2022

Will religious condolences always be appropriate?

Religious rhetoric will not always be helpful, since the deceased could be an atheist or profess a different faith. You should not use phrases taken from the Bible in all cases, because this may not please many who come. Make sure you can afford it. Only in this case can you turn your words about the deceased into quotes from the Bible and supplement them with sincere sympathy. Moreover, the deceased could be an agnostic, like the people grieving behind him. In this case, you should also not speak in religious phrases. Is someone who has lost a loved one really a believer? Then you can correctly select phrases from the church sphere, having first studied all religious epitaphs more deeply. They can push you onto the right path and thoughts. Just don’t forget that there shouldn’t be too much religiosity. In this case, measures are needed more than ever.

Despite this, religious themes in condolences will not always be a good option and it is not without reason that most people ignore them. You need to understand the topic, and if you are not familiar with it, then it is better not to use biblical phrases, but to say in your own words what is on your soul right now.

Funeral words

Muslims

If a Muslim’s loved one has died, you can support him with the following phrases:

• “May Allah forgive all the sins of the deceased and comfort you.”
• “May Allah forgive the sins of the deceased.”
• "May Allah have mercy on him."

Among the Orthodox

An Orthodox person can be supported with short phrases like:

• “Terrible loss. I pray for the soul of the man of God (IU),”
• “Bright peace to ashes (IU).”
• "Rest in the Kingdom of Heaven."
• "Rest in peace".
• "The Kingdom of Heaven and Eternal Memory."
• "God is merciful."
• "Lord, rest with the Saints."

Is it worth expressing condolences in the form of poetry?

Not at a funeral. Even if the mourner loves poetry, a funeral is far from the time to pay tribute to rhyme. Why so categorical? Funeral home experts know thousands of cases where such verses were too inappropriate, and there is one small reason for this. Poems of condolences regarding death are always perceived differently by people. 2 people can explain one line of verse in different ways. One phrase can have different meanings depending on the poetry of the person listening. This is exactly the case when poems of grief and condolences are extremely common and popular, and an obituary in poetic form poses a real risk of remaining misunderstood.

Option No. 4

to CEO

Gamma LLC

D. R. Nesterov

Dear David Ruslanovich!

It was a huge shock for us to hear about the sudden death of the financial director of your company, Mr. Vadim Olegovich Merkulov, who faithfully served the interests of the company for many years. We offer you our condolences on the death of this talented employee.

Sincerely,

Director of Izo-Prof LLC

O. S. Zueva

December 2022

Is it worth writing an SMS with condolences?

Never write SMS in any form if we are talking about a service that gives you the opportunity to send a short message. Can't meet in person? It’s better to call yourself and don’t express sympathy in this way. After all, you don’t know at what exact moment this message may arrive, and its too short format makes the words too laconic. It will convey facts, not feelings. The person will not feel your voice. His timbre. Its emotional coloring. Moreover, messages in such cases are perceived poorly. Was it really difficult to call if you still found a minute to write a message? Perhaps you didn’t want to talk at all, but wrote a message just to forget about it once and for all and not feel guilty? Let your condolences be sincere! These words are so necessary for those who have lost a loved one. They will be grateful to you!

What should you not say to a bereaved person?

There are phrases that are inappropriate to use when expressing condolences. They can be misinterpreted and cause offense.

When speaking words of support to the loved ones of the deceased, you should not:

• Trying to console by describing the future. People experiencing loss are unable to think about it. At such a moment, the future does not exist for them.
• Look for those to blame. Even if a person’s death was due to someone else’s fault, there is no point in talking about it. Such a reminder will make the loved ones of the deceased even more painful.
• Ask not to cry. A person experiencing the pain of loss must calm his soul and mourn the deceased.

When choosing words of condolences and grief, express your feelings sincerely and do not use cliched phrases. Listen to your heart. Perhaps the grieving person does not need words at all, and the presence of an understanding person and a hug are enough. If you feel like you are ready to help, don't hesitate to say so.

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