In the modern world, it is increasingly possible to observe how people live under one roof for years, while being unmarried and not even having state registration. If several decades ago such cases were isolated, now they can be observed more and more often. Considering such interesting statistics of family life, many are interested in the question of whether an unmarried marriage is fornication or whether you can calmly live so-so, without worrying about anything. To get a detailed answer to this question, it is worth analyzing it in more detail.
What is marriage - basic concepts
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If we say that a man and a woman live together, have children together and run a common household, then such a relationship can be considered a marriage. Most often, these relationships are registered at the state level, and believers also cement their union before God - they get married. Of course, married people should live together for the rest of their lives, support each other in sorrow and joy, but it does not always happen exactly the way couples want it. A marriage can break up at any stage for good or not so good reasons, but it would be better if this did not happen to anyone.
If we talk about such a concept as a wedding, then many modern people have turned it simply into a beautiful ceremony, without even thinking about what meaning this Sacrament actually has. A Christian marriage, blessed by the Lord, is not 100% immune from cracks, but if you try to live in the family like a Christian and under God’s care, then various moments of crisis, as well as problems, will be easier to bear.
Why does the church condemn officially unregistered marriages?
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Marriage without mutual obligations is what leads a person to other sinful acts. Being in an open relationship, a person thinks that he can start a family at any time and tries not to have children, even having an abortion, which is a great sin.
Without obligations to a woman, men may refuse to help their children, even denying that they are their heirs. Single or at least officially unregistered marriage is not a relationship that God blesses, because in the process of such cohabitation people commit many different sins. Getting used to living together without special obligations, people then cannot create a normal family and raise their children well, and even this is not the best consequence of living together without official registration.
Yes, even state registration and church marriage will not save you from divorce, but officially registered life together is at least a kind of guarantee of mutual responsibility to each other and to children. If the church still perceives marriage registered according to the laws of the state, without marriage, as a rule, then cohabitation clearly does not approve, because it does not lead to anything good. Cohabitation without state registration and marriage are fornication, so you should not be tempted by relationships without mutual obligations, as they can ruin your whole life.
Is an unmarried marriage fornication?
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Even if a married couple lives together without getting married in church, it is wrong to consider their relationship to be fornication. The Orthodox Church does not consider an unmarried, registered marriage to be fornication, since it is legal, and the fact that a couple did not want to seal their union with a church sacrament cannot be classified as fornication. If we consider this issue in even more detail, then it is worth telling this:
- the church respects officially registered marriage, but does not approve of cohabitation;
- if a man and woman live together but have not officially registered their marriage, then such a relationship becomes fornication;
- People living in an unmarried civil marriage can safely go to church, but some pastors-confessors do not allow such persons to take communion.
Marriage is a conscious choice of a married couple to which it must come. If a man and a woman have officially registered their relationship, but are not yet ripe for church marriage, then this is not considered a sin, much less fornication.
People who live together, but have not officially registered their relationship, are used to calling their marriage civil, but it actually is not, since a civil marriage is an officially registered marriage. Without registering a marriage, in fact, people do not have any obligations to each other, but simply live and sleep together, which can safely be considered fornication.
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“They say that the Church teaches that getting married without a wedding is a sin, and all unmarried couples actually live not in marriage, but in prodigal cohabitation. And children who are born in such cohabitation are illegitimate. And in general, an unmarried marriage, from the point of view of the Church, is an abomination before God.
From the point of view of the Church, any marriage registered by society or the state is not a sin, but a fulfillment of God’s blessing. A wedding is a church sacrament that is performed only on members of the Church entering into marriage. The social concept of the Russian Orthodox Church directly states that the Church respects civil marriage (not to be confused with cohabitation), registered with state authorities...” (https://foma.ru/mozhno-li-schitat-bludom-nevenchannyiy-brak .html).
I would like to dwell in a little more detail on the phrase that is enclosed in brackets and which calls for “not to be confused.” Either I hadn’t thought about it before, or I was simply more frivolous, but such a phenomenon as cohabitation did not cause the negative emotional connotation that it does now. At first I couldn’t understand – what was the matter? Where did such hostility come from for this seemingly harmless word, which expresses such a widespread phenomenon these days? It didn’t seem to affect me directly. But the fact that this phenomenon is acquiring considerable scope and speed of spread really worries me. I tried to comprehend and analyze. God forbid, of course, to delve into the jungle of the demographic picture and everything connected with it. I will try to touch only on the moral and educational aspect.
Let's try, to the best of our modest strength, of course, to conduct a small, I would say stage experiment. Imagine a small get-together, a party, or something like that. Everything looks quite orderly and respectable. There is a pleasant, quiet buzz in the hall. Society is somewhat impatiently waiting for those who are late... And now the time has come for you (I’m addressing women) to finally introduce your companion to those gathered. You, somewhat embarrassed and with downcast eyes, quietly squeeze out: “Meet my friend (partner? cohabitant? common-law (!) husband?), ... Maxim.” And you hear how another, having animatedly entered and greeted everyone, cheerfully introduces: “And this is my husband, Sergei!” Contrasting, isn't it? Such a fictitious, but quite probable, situation may represent just a small bead in a kaleidoscope of possibilities. And, besides, depending on their character, every woman, and, to some extent, a man, can relate to the fact itself with varying degrees of experience and concern. But, you see, (again I turn to the fair sex) no matter how much any of you swaggers, the second option is still preferable for each.
You can talk endlessly about the crisis, as it is now fashionable to say, of the institution of the family, talk about the old-fashioned and no longer relevant patriarchal family relationships and the emergence of new ones (one can only imagine what kind), but genetics, what sits deep inside, immediately, in one fell swoop, you can't cancel it. And inside every woman, in capital letters, is poured out the same thing as her grandmothers and great-grandmothers: a legal husband is sacred, unshakable, durable; a partner is temporary, unreliable, fornication and debauchery! Representatives of the other half of humanity also have these same tablets, but for some reason they are hidden deeper and written in smaller letters. This state of affairs is far from accidental. For the institution of marriage is sanctified from above, it is SPIRITUAL! Marriages are made in heaven! CHILDREN are born in marriages! Out of wedlock they are born, or to put it mildly, bastards...
Haven’t you noticed that living together “without a stamp in your passport” smacks of some kind of cowardice, some kind of petty calculation? With such fussy reasoning that, they say, if we get along - it’s good, but if not, then there’s no trial, we’ll part like ships at sea (I apologize for the banality). Why jump into legitimate family life out of the blue? You should search, take a closer look, finally get used to it, and only then... But who’s against it? To each his own! Search, converge, disperse, look closely, sniff, happen - this is what many in the animal world do! But we still live in human society, what does family and marriage have to do with it? Why mix God's gift with scrambled eggs! Why cast a shadow over the fence by bashfully attaching the euphemism “without painting” to the word MARRIAGE?
And then, I don’t understand how a child born in such a family can call his biological parent the word DAD, which is consecrated only by family ties, and which sounds ridiculous and mocking towards the mother’s partner!
And how can he, in response, call the child - SON? That is, these words have been sanctified and inspired since ancient times by the high concept and meaning of family! To apply them to the result of the mating of two physiologically (in no case spiritually!) adult human individuals means to exaggerate and vulgarize the meaning of these words! Then come up with some new ones for this, since you were smart enough to come up with the phenomenon itself... In one of our good films, the hero utters the phrase: “I dream that people conceive their children in blooming spring gardens, and not in basements and gateways!” And, I think that the children who are conceived in the family are the children of the gardens, and those outside the family are the children of the streets, basements and gateways, although it is as if they are not to blame for this!
Is it possible to receive communion if you live in a civil marriage?
Priests often do not allow those who live in unregistered relationships to receive communion, believing that according to all canons, fornicators cannot receive communion.
Usually only one partner does not want to register a marriage, then the priest may advise the second, who is not against an official marriage, to leave the fake husband or wife in order to save his soul.
Those living in fornication are like animals, because among animals there are no real marriages, which means there is no need to receive communion. Communion is a kind of unity with God, but how can you unite with him, violating one of the main religious prohibitions?
Fornication, even a single case, is punishable by excommunication from communion for fifteen years, not to mention fornication committed daily in informal relationships. This period can be reduced with the permission of the priest. Until a person enters into a real marriage and repents of his fornication, communion is impossible.
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The attitude of the church towards cohabitation
The Orthodox Church has an extremely negative attitude towards cohabitation and considers it fornication.
After all, there should be no sexual relations before marriage - this is not Christian. With this lifestyle, a person loses the purity of relationships characteristic of people who are chaste before official marriage.
Cohabitation is a sin, because with such a union, each partner thinks only about himself, about his comfort and well-being. In this case, the connection with God is lost.
The church strongly recommends that people living in unofficial relationships formalize the relationship or end such cohabitation, replacing it with friendly communication.
Prodigal cohabitation is a road to nowhere; it destroys the institution of the family and the state itself. The Church has always been a supporter of real values - morality, sincere faith in God, a real family.
After a confidential conversation with a priest, many still decide to get officially married and change their sinful lifestyle for a more righteous one.
