If lovers consciously come to the idea of consecrating their union in a temple, they are necessarily faced with the question of what needs to be done before the wedding in order to adequately prepare for the sacred sacrament. Indeed, unlike mundane registration, which is focused on the visible side of the celebration, here it is not enough to send out invitations to guests and take care of the banquet. The spiritual union of a man and a woman in the face of God requires careful preparation with a clear understanding of what, in fact, everything was started for...
Semantic load
In any church sacrament there are two sides - external and internal. As a rule, our attention is attracted by the external, and the internal is the last thing we think about. But it is precisely the meaning of all church sacraments that you need to know first of all.
Where to start and how to fully prepare for the wedding so as not to lose sight of anything? First of all, you need to agree on the ceremony in advance. To do this, choose a temple and drive up to the priest. Large cathedrals have special departments for registering and ordering requirements. You can go directly to the priest, or you can contact the employees, and they will tell you everything. If young people want to hear singers, and even a whole choir, then this must be agreed upon in advance. This point needs to be clarified right away: do the young people need to contact the choir director separately or will the priest organize everything himself. Perhaps all this needs to be ordered from the registration department.
When they ask a priest how to prepare for a wedding, he will first of all advise starting with confession. Yes, yes - precisely from confession. Often young people first come to the priest and talk with him. It's very good actually. After all, it’s not difficult to get married; it’s difficult to move on with your life. Therefore, the priest’s task is to understand how young people take a conscious step, how responsibly they approach marriage, and understand their roles in this important union. First of all, this is a church sacrament, which means everything is done before God.
How to take communion correctly
The sacrament of Communion comes after a minimum of 3 days of fasting, during which they fast and read special prayers. On the eve of communion, the newlyweds confess. Typically, clergy appoint communion on the wedding day. The communion procedure takes place on an empty stomach, therefore, starting from 12 at night, you cannot eat or drink.
In the morning, the newlyweds come to the service. Communion begins after reading the Lord's Prayer. You need to wait until the Royal Doors close, then, together with all the parishioners who want to receive communion, approach the altar.
After the priest brings out the Holy Gifts, reads two prayers, cross himself and go to the Chalice. To avoid accidentally touching the Chalice, keep your hands crossed on your chest, placing your right hand on top of your left. Approaching the Chalice, the communicant pronounces his name given at Baptism, opens his mouth wide, giving the priest the opportunity to put the Body and Blood of Christ into it. It is advisable to swallow them immediately. Then they kiss the edge of the Chalice and go to the table to take the prosphora and “warmth”.
They remain in the church until the end of the Divine Liturgy. Communion ends with the reading of prayers of thanksgiving in church or at home.
Work for the Glory of God
The main purpose of man is to unite his soul with the Heavenly Father, overcome sin within himself and live according to the commandments. Young people do not start a family for fun. This is work, constant sacrifice for the sake of another. If God blesses, then there will be children, and this is even more work and self-sacrifice. Do all newlyweds understand this well? Therefore, to the question: “How to prepare for a wedding?”, the priest will say: “First of all, internally... Bare your soul before God and test it: am I ready to live for the sake of another, am I ready to go with my other half to the end and beyond life? to appear together before the Heavenly Father and to what extent this desire is not dictated by emotions, which, when they subside, will no longer brighten up the difficulties and will have to accept everything as it is...”
Why do you need to go to the priest?
In the conversation, the priest talks about the understanding of marriage in the church sense, about the rites and the blessing of the union of the young. If a young couple has serious intentions towards each other, they will listen to the priest and try to take his advice on how to prepare for the wedding correctly and according to church law, and not just for the sake of a beautiful ceremony. Then, during the wedding, the newlyweds will understand the meaning of what is happening.
Often the priest recommends reading certain chapters from the Holy Scriptures, something from the Patristic writings, or will tell himself about the important aspects of this sacrament. All this was said for those who are interested in how to prepare for a wedding in the Orthodox Church, although Catholics also have a lot in common in conducting the wedding ceremony.
The wedding day is discussed with the priest, but it cannot be a time of fasting and in the days before fasting. In general, according to tradition, in the Orthodox Church marital intimacy does not occur during fasting days. Of course, everything must be done consciously and only by mutual agreement. If one of the spouses is against it, then it is possible to give in to the second, so as not to lead him into sin on the side. If the couple is churchgoer, then they understand everything. If a husband and wife do not know or understand anything about church traditions, then it is better for them to either inquire or talk to a priest. Since not everyone is ready to live completely according to the rules of the church, everything needs to be realized and accepted wisely.
An important sacrament
Enough literature has been written about how to prepare for a wedding in the Orthodox Church, which you can easily purchase at church or borrow from the church library.
Previously, the wedding rite itself included the communion of future spouses. This suggests that the wedding took place during the Divine Liturgy. Marriage is a great Sacrament, thanks to which husband and wife become, as it were, one body; they are united together in Jesus Christ for salvation and entry into eternal life. Today, communion is no longer included in the sacrament of marriage, but the meaning itself has not lost its meaning. All the same young people become one in Christ. Therefore, before the wedding, future spouses need to go to the Divine Liturgy and receive communion. Before communion, of course, a person fasts and confesses.
Not only newlyweds go to get married, often married couples who have been married for a long time resort to this sacrament. It is worth saying that preparing for a wedding for married people is no different from preparing for those who are just planning to follow this path. Is it possible that in conversations with a priest the conversation may go in a slightly different direction, because these people are already husband and wife before God, although they live without blessing. Such couples may be more conscious and responsible about the sacrament.
The importance of confession and communion
The sacrament of Communion was commanded by Jesus Christ. People who eat bread and wine, symbolizing the Body and Blood of Christ, are united with the Lord himself. Therefore, any Orthodox Christian cannot imagine a normal spiritual life without communion (Eucharist).
Thanks to Communion, the soul is cleansed of filth, returning to its original purity, and strength appears to resist temptations. But before communion you must make a confession. Confession is a sacrament of repentance, during which a person recognizes himself as a sinner.
Saint Theophan the Recluse said that repentance consists of several stages:
- awareness of sins;
- recognition of the presence of sinful thoughts, committed offenses;
- refusal to commit unjust actions;
- turning to the Creator with a prayer for forgiveness.
Sincere repentance enables a person to comprehend the mystery of salvation. Through the sacrament of confession, a person approaches the knowledge of the Lord and the Kingdom of Heaven.
What else is needed
Let's turn to the external side, which is also important for people going to a wedding. The rules of preparation speak, first of all, about the internal, but they do not lose sight of the external either. That is why the ritual is so beautiful and touching.
Of course, you need rings for a wedding. They are bought in advance and given to the priest before the start. It happens that rings are sold right in the temple.
Today everyone buys gold rings. It is interesting that according to church tradition, the husband wears a silver ring and the wife a gold ring. And even earlier manuscripts generally speak of an iron ring for the husband.
There are crowns above the heads of the bride and groom. They are held above the heads of the young people by friends of the bride and groom. The crowns symbolize the royal path of Orthodoxy and at the same time the martyrdom of the spouses. It’s not like crossing a field, or even swimming across a river. The article said above that the husband and wife, in a certain sense, sacrifice their interests for the sake of the other half, and together they live for the sake of children, if God blesses the marriage with them.
How to choose a date
Most often, official registration does not coincide with the date of the sacred ceremony. There are a number of reasons for this, firstly, most lovers prefer to test their relationship over the years, and only later consolidate it before God. Secondly, the days when you can get married rarely coincide with the work of the registry office. For example, ceremonial painting almost always takes place on Saturday, but the Sacrament is prohibited on this day. Also, according to Orthodox rules, they are not held on Tuesdays and Thursdays, during the weeks of Easter and Maslenitsa, patronal and church festivals, during Lent, Christmastide and at night.
But favorable dates, according to the clergy themselves, are:
It is best to turn to the wedding calendar, which is compiled specifically for each year, based on certain dates. You can also consult with the priest about the desired date and month.
Family
You should not neglect the opportunity to find out how to prepare for a wedding ceremony in the Church correctly and why you need to come to a conversation with a priest.
It happens that children are not born for some reason. This does not mean that God has turned away from spouses. We cannot understand and accept everything, but regardless of us, everything has its own meaning. You shouldn’t despair, and you definitely shouldn’t leave each other if you have mutual feelings. There are enough couples in the world who were not destined to have children, but they were able to give their love and care to other children left without a family. It is even possible that they did not raise other children, but did something important and significant in this life. Even if they simply loved and helped each other live and not be discouraged, that’s also good. In general, there is always meaning in living and giving love.
Advice for those getting married
Archpriest Alexander Avdyugin
— In your opinion, only deeply religious people can get married? If not, then how can people who have not yet strengthened their faith properly prepare for a wedding and how should they perceive this sacrament?
— I would not establish any specific criteria for those who can and cannot resort to the Sacrament. And strict canons are impossible here. Sometimes the words: “Father, we want the Lord to bless our marriage” are enough; in other cases, I insist on mandatory confession and communion before the wedding.
If both the bride and groom are baptized, then faith in God alone is quite enough, and the second would only agree to walk down the church aisle. There is a clear gospel resolution here: For an unbelieving husband is sanctified by a believing wife, and an unbelieving wife is sanctified by a believing husband (1 Cor. 7:14). Such marriages are not rare, and in most cases, after a while, I see that two people approach confession, and not just the one who insisted on the wedding and was considered “more of a believer.”
We must prepare for the Sacrament in the same way as we prepare for any significant event in our lives, that is, with inner concentration. It is determined not only by its external beautiful and solemn appearance, but also by spiritual purity. If under the fashionable and original wedding dress of the bride and the fashionable suit of the groom there are scabs of dirty sins, something is hidden from each other or something is not discussed, then the beginning of future family misunderstandings has already been laid. Therefore, those getting married need to resort to the Sacrament of repentance, that is, to confession. After all, at the wedding, the Lord will unite the souls and bodies of two, most recently different, people who do not know about each other, “and the two will become one flesh” (Eph. 5:25-28). Just imagine: one of the souls is pure and immaculate, and the other is dirty and secretive, what will be the result?
There is only one piece of advice before the wedding - be sincere with each other, and God’s blessing will only unite loving hearts more closely.
— What should the bride and groom think about and pay attention to during the ceremony?
“It’s easier to say what you don’t need to think about.”
It doesn’t matter who is the first to stand on the towel spread under the feet of the bridegroom, just as it has no consequences if the witnesses change hands, holding the crowns over the heads of the newlyweds (especially since there are crowns that are quite heavy); it makes no difference whose wedding candle burns out more, just as a dropped ring or a fallen scarf will not lead to disaster. All these “signs” have one source of origin and we call it: “OBS company,” that is, “one grandmother said.”
Listen carefully to the prayers said by the priest and pray with him. Only what is read by the priest and sung by the choir has significance and is truly necessary for many years of life together. After all, the liturgical rite of wedding itself originates from the depths of centuries, and it is precisely in the way that our distant ancestors were united “in communion in marriage today” that they were married today, and it was after these priestly prayers that the present appearance of the bride and groom before the Throne of God became possible. If our great-great-grandmothers had not married the same “great-grandfathers” in ancient times, where would we have come from?
— Do newlyweds need to come to the church on the wedding day at the start of the service?
- Today, for the most part, people get married on the second day of the wedding, on Sunday. What is the point of going to church early for services after Saturday celebrations, wedding treats, fun and congratulations? Praying won't work anyway. It’s better to rest until the time of the wedding...
It is necessary to confess and partake of the Mysteries of the Lord the day before, several days before the official celebrations.
In believing, church-going families, the wedding always precedes the first wedding night, i.e. carnal intimacy of the bride and groom. Nowadays, this establishment and obligation are not honored by the majority of young people, but still, why not, when going to God for a blessing, not remember those times when compliance with these regulations guaranteed a long and happy life?
— Is it true that the crowns that are held over the heads of the young during the ceremony are symbols of martyrdom? If yes, then how should this symbol be regarded.
—The crowns placed on the bride and groom symbolize the glory of the union of Christ with the Church. This is clearly defined by the Gospel text: “Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life” (Rev. 2:10). The words given were spoken to those who can “endure” and “remain faithful” for God’s sake.
Doesn't marriage involve sacrificing your own habits and passions for the sake of the happiness of your loved one? Is family life always irrepressible joy and constant fun? Not at all. These are new concerns and limitations of oneself in material terms, in pleasures; this is the burden of obligations to raise children with dignity; This, in the end, also means troubles with misunderstandings with new and old relatives, because... “A man’s enemies are his own household” (Matthew 10:36).
As soon as in family life one of the spouses begins to put their own “I” at the forefront, who does not combine their opinions and their desires, but contrasts them, the unity will cease and the family will remain only a legal fact.
Where there is sacrifice (martyrdom) for the love and happiness of a spouse, there is always a great reward - spiritual unity, that great joy for which it is worth living, getting married and getting married. By sacrificing we gain. Suffering, we ascend.
The crowns with which we are married, which the witnesses hold over the heads of the newlyweds, are both the crowns of the domestic kingdom and these are also the crowns of martyrdom, because a happy family life without humility of oneself, without the rejection of one’s “I” will not work out..
That is why, when the priest leads the young people around the lectern, the choir sings the chant: “Holy martyrs, who fought gloriously and were crowned, pray to the Lord for mercy on our souls.”
— What can you say to those who consider weddings to be some kind of new fashionable rite?
— Do you know what we call those representatives of power who today, by virtue of their positions and their own invented “responsibilities,” come to church services and stand through the services with faces embalmed from tension? Very simple - candlesticks. They play no other role, neither in the temple nor in their souls. So why should newlyweds, inexperienced in life, be relegated to the role of an insensitive device for holding a candle, at the behest of fashion or in order to show off in front of friends and acquaintances?
If a wedding is not a request to God to sanctify a marriage, to help live happily and with dignity, to give birth and raise children, but simply some item from the obligatory list of pre-wedding rituals: to put flowers at the Lenin monument, to drink a bottle of champagne, to cast a spell for good luck, etc., then there will be no benefit from it...
— How does the life of newlyweds change after the wedding? What they should and shouldn't do.
- To love each other. Everything else will follow. One of the theologians said: “Love God and do what you want.” It’s quite possible to paraphrase: “Love your wife (husband) and do what you want.” After all, your love will never allow you to upset...
They give a lot of advice to young people, and while preparing for a sermon I came across the following, which I repeat over and over again when I bless the young:
— If we talk about church prohibitions and canonical rules in family life, then everything is individual, different in each family. Therefore, if you have a good desire to combine your family life with Orthodoxy, then you need to turn to a priest, at least the one who married you.
— How serious responsibility do those getting married take on, and what does the concept of “divorce” mean in the Orthodox Church?
“The Church has always considered only a single marriage to be the realization of the Christian moral ideal, along with virginity for the sake of Christ. That is why church rules prohibit the election of clergy from among people who are remarried or married to someone who has already been married, and even more so from remarrying after taking orders. For the laity, however, under certain conditions, the Church allows remarriage, which is understood as, although partially violating the ideal of holiness commanded by Christ, but a forced concession to human frailty.
The rite of “divorce” as such does not exist in the Church. There is a blessing for remarriage.
The Church insists on lifelong fidelity of spouses and the indissolubility of Orthodox marriage, based on the words of the Lord Jesus Christ: “What God has joined together, let no man separate... Whoever divorces his wife for reasons other than adultery and marries another commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:6,9). Divorce is condemned by the Church as a sin, because it brings severe mental suffering to spouses (at least one of them), and especially to children...
In 1918, the Local Council of the Russian Orthodox Church, in its “Definition on the reasons for the dissolution of a marriage union sanctified by the Church,” recognized as such, in addition to adultery and the entry of one of the parties into a new marriage, also the apostasy of a spouse from Orthodoxy, unnatural vices, inability to marital cohabitation, which occurred before marriage or was the result of intentional self-mutilation, leprosy or syphilis, long-term unknown absence, condemnation to punishment coupled with deprivation of all rights of the estate, encroachment on the life or health of the spouse or children, daughter-in-law, pimping, taking advantage of the indecency of the spouse , incurable serious mental illness and malicious abandonment of one spouse by the other. Currently, this list of grounds for divorce is supplemented by such reasons as AIDS, medically certified chronic alcoholism or drug addiction, a wife committing an abortion with her husband’s disagreement...
Source
Icons
Wondering how to prepare for the sacrament of wedding, young people begin to understand a lot. And, if the meaning of everything that happens during the performance of this church ceremony touches the heart to the very depths, without causing resistance, then, most likely, the young people are on the right path.
What remains with the spouses after the ceremony are the wedding icons. Parents can give them as a gift, or you can purchase images in the temple. Often mothers themselves embroider icons as a sign of blessing their children. As a rule, this is the image of the Savior and the Mother of God. Before the wedding, they are also given to the priest along with the rings. The newlyweds will also have wedding candles. They can be purchased immediately before the ceremony or purchased in advance to decorate them at your discretion.
How to spend your wedding day?
Those getting married on the eve of the wedding come to the temple and pray at the service. Perhaps that same evening on the eve of the wedding they prepare for confession and confess.
On the wedding day, the couple comes to the beginning of the reading of the Divine Hours (a moment in the morning service), pray during the Liturgy, and partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ.
The Sacrament of Wedding itself takes place after the Liturgy. And then the spouses and their guests go to where they will celebrate the event and share joy with each other. At the feast, according to tradition, the newlyweds do not drink alcohol.
Canvas under your feet
We also need fabric for the wedding. Our parents and grandparents know well how to properly prepare for this ritual. In the past, wedding fabric was embroidered by mothers for their children. Young people are attracted to it. The color of the canvas is white. Today, few people embroider it themselves; they mostly buy it. By the way, the tradition of laying a towel under the feet of the bride and groom was preserved in atheistic times. They laid it in the registry office, and they still do it to this day. The canvas can be bought in a special store, at the market or directly in a church shop.
Even after learning everything about how to prepare for a wedding in the Orthodox Church, there is still excitement that is completely difficult to cope with.
Important!
There is another important point that was not mentioned above. This seems to go without saying. Those wishing to receive the sacrament of wedding in the Orthodox Church must be baptized in Orthodoxy. And it is also advisable to be believers, which plays an important role in the salvation of a person’s soul. And the family is a small church. Where the husband is likened to Christ, and the wife is like the church. Children are their children. All together they sail to God in their ark. Only now this understanding has been lost among people. A husband must carefully protect his wife, take care of her as his faithful friend and the mother of his children. Do everything so that they don’t go hungry, don’t need, can learn and improve, enjoy life and thank God for it. And the wife is the keeper. A faithful companion and creator of the hearth. Is this true in the modern world?
About the rings
So, now the newlyweds know how to prepare for a wedding in church, that the spiritual component is important first of all, and then the external one.
The bride and groom put rings on each other - a sign of an eternal and indissoluble union. The gold ring on the wife’s finger symbolizes the brilliance of the Sun, and the silver one symbolizes the light of the Moon, reflecting the daylight. The husband is likened to the Light in the marriage, and the wife is like a smaller source who receives his light.
Rings are an outward expression of the inner readiness of two hearts to love each other before and after death. After all, according to the Christian worldview, life does not stop. We are eternal. And death is only a temporary state. Therefore, second marriage is not accepted among Christians. Even if someone became a widower. After all, what to do next before God? So, they say I have two, three wives or husbands? In Christianity, marriage is swan fidelity. And who doesn’t understand this, think about it: is it worth getting married?
Depth of feelings
This is what it is like – a wedding in a church. Preparation for it carries not so much an external meaning, expressed in the efforts of arranging the ritual environment, but an internal, spiritual one. Love and infatuation are far from the same thing. Love is deep, not superficial and capable of strong actions. Love thunders loudly, ignites quickly, is hot to the point of burning, but cools down as soon as it encounters a small obstacle to its combustion.
Much more can be said on this topic, but hardly anyone will say better about love than the Apostle Paul said... Read these words, find them, they are impressive and convicting at the same time. The beginning is: “Love is patient and kind, love does not envy, love does not boast, it is not proud...”
conclusions
Let's summarize: the main preparation for the sacrament of uniting two loving hearts in God is fasting. The Holy Orthodox Church says that newlyweds are recommended to prepare themselves for the wedding through the feat of fasting, repentance, prayer and communion.
The day and time are discussed in the temple with the priest. For the ritual side of the sacrament you must have:
- Icons of Christ the Savior and the Virgin Mary;
- wedding rings (at the choice of the future spouses, without any symbolic expression, but also taking into account traditions);
- wedding candles;
- canvas.
How to take photos and videos of a wedding?
Taking photos and videos of the wedding is, of course, not necessary, but this newest tradition, in my opinion, is very positive. It’s good if the impressions of this important and bright event - the wedding - remain in the memory of not only the spouses, but also their children and grandchildren. This will also be a kind of sermon - a sermon on Christian marriage, an event where Christ becomes the rightful owner of the lives of two people who love each other.
It is advisable that the wedding be filmed by a churchgoer who will have a good idea of the sequence of actions of the priest, who will not have to say: “But now there will be an important moment, be sure to film it.” Therefore, when you negotiate with a photographer or cameraman, do not forget to ask if he has had to film this Sacrament before.
One more thing - before the Sacrament, you need to take a blessing for photography from the priest who will marry you.
Guarantors
What should wedding witnesses know? In the old days, when there was still pre-revolutionary Russia, a marriage concluded in the Church was legal before the State. Therefore, the witnesses, with their signatures in special books, confirmed (testified) that these people became husband and wife not only before God, but also before people and the state. They usually knew the newlyweds well and vouched for them.
The friend and friend, as they were popularly called, took part in the sacrament, and while the bride and groom walked around the lectern, they held crowns over their heads. They must also be baptized in Orthodoxy. These are a kind of guarantors before God. Like godparents to a baby, although it is difficult to vouch for adults. After all, they have their own head and their own thoughts. But you can pray for each other. Ask the Lord for blessings and help. And this is the work of God. This is what Christ commanded: praying for one another is one of the manifestations of love.
Nothing has changed in the ceremony itself. They also still hold their crowns, and at this moment they are probably thinking about their future.
The meaning of the sacred ritual
Orthodox Christians believe that the wedding is the only real one. After all, it is God’s blessing that can help lovers live a long and happy married life in love and fidelity.
People believe that their union will be concluded not only on earth, but also in heaven, so after death in the Kingdom of Heaven they will also remain together. During such a sacred ritual, the family is united by sacred bonds, swearing vows of eternal love to each other. After the ceremony, the spouses are protected by the Almighty.
For a long time in Rus' only married couples were recognized. Now everything is a little different, the Sacrament takes place after the official painting in the registry office. So, without the appropriate certificate, you are unlikely to be married.
