Historical references say that in ancient times the birthday of the deceased was not considered a reason for a wake. Even among our contemporaries one can sometimes come across the opinion that according to Orthodox custom, only a few special memorial days are set aside for remembering the dead. But is it? In fact, the church does not limit the dates of commemoration to any strict time frame. It is customary for Christians to remember their deceased loved ones in daily prayers. There are also special dates for this, days of special commemoration. In the modern memorial calendar, commemorations on the birthday of a deceased person occupy an important place, as another reason for sincere prayers for the deceased and good memories of him. On this day it is worth ordering a memorial service in the temple. You can go to the cemetery and gather with loved ones of the deceased for memories and prayers at the memorial table.
Traditions of antiquity
In the old days they believed that days that were significant for a person living on earth lose their meaning with his transition to eternity, with the death of his body. For our ancestors, only the day of death of a relative was important - the day of the soul’s transition to another world, its birth to eternal life. Funeral services, as now, were held on the day of the funeral, on the 9th and 40th days, on the anniversary. It was not customary to celebrate the date of the deceased’s earthly birth. Moreover, it was even considered harmful both for the deceased himself and for his family and friends. It was assumed that by doing this, the living would not let go of the deceased, disturb him, and prevent him from finding peace in another world. But such a remembrance causes unnecessary suffering to the living, reminding them of a bereavement. The modern approach is completely different. For the deceased, prayers for the repose of his soul are extremely important. There are never too many memorial prayers expressing the love of those close to him and his memory. Prayers and alms help the soul to get closer to God. That is why it is so important to remember the deceased on his birthday.
They do not hold wakes, they do not remember the deceased in cemeteries and churches on the holidays of the Bright Resurrection of Christ and at Christmas. These holidays are meant only for joy. If the birthday of the deceased fell on one of these days, the commemoration is carried out a few days later.
Happy earthly birthday, son, poet, angel
07.12. you'll turn 31. But you'll always be 23. What would you be like now? What would you and I be like in a healthy life? I would probably have grown-up grandchildren. But they will never exist. I won't know what it's like to have grandchildren. Who would I love more: you or my grandchildren? Now I know what you are. I can’t imagine that small, warm, milky-smelling “bundles of happiness” would appear again. They would flinch at loud sounds, but they would already show a desire to understand life. And then they would run around on the floor on stiff legs, just like you. You stood firmly on your feet. But. The universal universe has its own plans for the experience of the soul, for life, light and dark. You have become an Angel, bringing Light throughout eternity. And I am Angel's mother.
(Lyudmila Gaponik. Your mother, who loves you dearly)
Snowflakes flutter in the air like moths. My infrequent tears taste bitter.
Time passes without return. Yes, where? Sorry son, it's my fault. Trouble, trouble.
Winter with a gift to the open spaces - from December. You have grown up, Angel, very soon. My dawn!
My love! My epiphany. Silence motive. Happy earthly birthday, son. My Light of the Soul!
(Lyudmila Gaponik. On my son’s earthly birthday)
Forever 23. For centuries. And longing flows through my heart. Sadness settled between the lines. Happy Birthday. earthly. my son.
You carried the Light of the Soul through the years and soared into the vaults of heaven. I can imagine your high flight. Happy Birthday. earthly. Congratulations.
Forever 23. For centuries. For eight years I have been staring into the clouds. There is your holy image! Attraction. My son, s. earthly. Happy birthday.
(Lyudmila Gaponik. On my son’s earthly birthday)
*** I want to give you roses, put them not on a tile, but in your hands, and not know these sorrowful tears, not count the days of cruel separation.
I want to put aside all mistakes and congratulate you on your happy birthday with our happy smiles. S. earthly birthday.
(Lyudmila Gaponik. On my son’s earthly birthday)
Happy Earthly Birthday, gentle son. May your eternal life be boundless, may the Light nourish your soul, as before, may your earthly memory dwell in verse.
My eternally beloved, and loving forever, who has gone through all your torments flawlessly, shine even brighter in the abode of paradise, without pain and torment, shine without burning!
You came to earthly life as my angel, under the snow and blizzards as a beautiful flower. You gave me care, love and patience. Happy earthly birthday to you, my son.
(Lyudmila Gaponik. On my son’s earthly birthday)
December 7th is your birthday. You loved this holiday from the bottom of your heart: attention, gifts, congratulations, and conquering new heights.
And laughter, and celebration, and wishes, and the house is full of pleasant bustle, poems, dreams, flights, and confessions, and sweets and, in December, flowers.
We are forever sealed by the universal whirling, we will fly into eternity with the December snow. Well, happy birthday, honey. Happy birthday. Happy holiday to you. earthly.
(Lyudmila Gaponik. On my son’s earthly birthday)
Happy Birthday, my golden boy. Happy earthly birthday, my gentle angel. May your holy flight be great. May your boundless little world be wonderful.
(Lyudmila Gaponik. On my son’s earthly birthday)
Happy Earth Birthday, honey. I wish you high aspirations, divine, angelic power, and an eternity of the brightest moments,
the purest heavens, my gentle, beautiful, endless expanses. You-Angel are now serene, without arguments and conversations.
My unearthly truth, flying through the universe, giving me as a reward eternity after perishable life.
When I meet you, my beloved, I will freeze with pleasure. We are eternal with you. Eternal! Happy Earthly, my son, Happy Birthday.
(Lyudmila Gaponik. On my son’s earthly birthday)
I will light the candles today, the cake, the photos of the face. The mercy of His Lord. will bring my son back for a moment.
I will prepare phrases, the house breathes with idleness. Let's talk about different things, about the eternal and about the earthly.
Hiding my tears of melancholy, I poke into his shoulder. And he whispers to me: “Dear, mommy, it’s hot.
Maybe let’s have some tea, we loved tea.” The line is placed again at the angel's shoulder.
What to do on the birthday of a deceased person
It is imperative to start the morning with a prayer in which the deceased is remembered. On such a day, it is worth ordering a funeral service in the temple - a requiem. Light a candle for the repose of the soul. After this, most often, to perform a prayer service and remember the deceased, they go to the cemetery. On the way, it is customary to distribute memorial treats to the poor and just any people they meet - bags of sweets, pies, cookies, gingerbread, etc. At the same time, they certainly call the name of the deceased and ask to remember him in prayers. The same treat is distributed to the guests gathered at the funeral table.
Acts of alms and mercy can be continued with other deeds. For example, leave money in the temple, put it in special alms boxes for church repairs, for temple holidays, etc. You can make a monetary donation for the development of an orphanage, a nursing home, or simply take some things to an orphanage or nursing home . For example, donate toys, interesting books for the library, or bring beautiful indoor plants so that they create coziness. If you don’t have the financial means to give alms, you can simply offer selfless help to people in need.
They pray for deceased relatives daily at the end of the morning prayer rule. In addition, every time they find themselves in church, they submit notes about them for commemoration in the proskomedia (part of the liturgical rite). When stronger and longer prayers are required, the magpie is ordered. In this case, the commemoration is carried out in the temple for 40 days, 40 subsequent liturgies.
How to order a prayer service for the repose
- You can order a service before the liturgy.
- It is possible and worthwhile to include in the funeral notes not only the name of the deceased whose birthday is being celebrated, but also the names of other deceased relatives. At the same time, the priests advise, when writing down the name, to remember the person himself. Remembering him, wishing him a heavenly life and the Kingdom of Heaven can already be considered a kind of short prayer.
- For ease of recording and reading, it is best to write no more than 10 names in memorial notes. For the following names, take a new piece of paper.
- Only names are written in the genitive case (surnames, professions and titles are not important to God).
- The notes should contain only the church names of the deceased, those that they received at baptism.
- If a prayer service is ordered before 40 days after death, the status is written next to the name. Next to the name of a child who died before the age of 7, “infant” is noted. You can also add “warrior”, “killed”, etc. to the name.
Funeral services in the church
- The simplest remembrance can be considered a candle lit for the repose of the deceased.
- Notes are submitted so that the deceased Orthodox Christian is remembered at the Divine Liturgy. At the same time, a bloodless sacrifice is made.
- After the liturgy, a memorial service is held. This is done before the eve - a special memorial table on which stands a quadrangular candlestick and a crucifix. On the same table next to the candlestick, alms are left in memory of the deceased.
- Sorokoust is ordered on the day of death. After reading it, you can order such a prayer again. In addition, you can order commemorations that will be read for six months or a year.
Funeral dinner
A memorial meal on the birthday of the deceased is not obligatory, so most often only relatives and closest people gather at the table. Like other funeral services, it can be done at home or in a cafe. The dishes served on such a table are not much different from the dishes served on other memorial dates. You can prepare and consecrate a ritual dish in the church in advance - kutya (sochivo). It is prepared from boiled grains, signifying resurrection to eternal life. This could be wheat, rice or other grains. This sweet ritual porridge is seasoned with honey, raisins, poppy seeds, dried apricots, nuts, etc. are placed in it. Sweetness in this case means wishing the deceased a heavenly life. If you can’t consecrate this dish in church, you can do it at home. Before serving, bowls of kutia are sprinkled with holy water three times.
Most often, in addition to kutya, with three spoons of which any funeral meal traditionally begins, the favorite dishes of the deceased are prepared for the table on this day. Regardless of whether the wake is held at home or in a restaurant, the specific composition of the menu depends only on the wishes of the organizers. Of course, they adhere to the church calendar and take into account fasting and fasting days. If the deceased’s birthday fell during fasting, completely lenten dishes must be prepared. These can include any soups, hot main courses and snacks. Even for the 9th or 40th day, the church does not determine the number or composition of dishes. Moreover, she does not limit the meal that is celebrated on the birthday of the deceased.
It could be just a sweet table with pies and sweets or a full meal with several courses. For the church, the pomp of the meal is not important. Excessive pomp of the table can even turn the souls of those who remember from the purpose for which they gathered at it. After all, funerals are truly organized not for gluttony, but for memories, kind words about the deceased and prayers for his soul. A deceased person can no longer influence his fate in the afterlife. But his relatives and close people who remained on earth can beg for him forgiveness of sins committed during his life and help his soul find peace.
Life after death
Jesus Christ took upon himself the sinful burden that drives people away from God. He gave the key to the immortality of the soul:
“Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has eternal life and does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life” (John 5:24).
He who listens to Christ is one who has tried to keep His commandments. He gave love, performed acts of mercy, participated in the Sacraments and repented of his sins. A person who constantly goes towards the Lord on earth will be met by Christ in the afterlife.
“Those who carefully strive in virtue, moving away from this life, are truly, as it were, released into freedom from suffering and bonds” (St. John Chrysostom).
The soul, which hid from the Divine Light in earthly life, will be blinded when it finds itself face to face with Him. She will be attracted to the usual darkness of passions and sinful inclinations.
“Just as the blind, who do not see the shining sun, although completely illuminated from all sides by it, are nevertheless outside the light, being removed from it by sense and sight. So the Divine light of the Trinity is in “everything.” But sinners, imprisoned in darkness, and among him will not see him and have absolutely no divine knowledge and feeling, but scorched and condemned by their own conscience, they will have unspeakable torment and inexpressible sorrow forever” (Rev. Simeon the New Theologian).
However, the final fate of the soul is not decided until the Day of Judgment. It is then that sinful people will forever be separated from the righteous and removed from the Lord.
“The peace of the righteous and the sorrowful state of sinners, until the day of general judgment, is not a complete reward, but each departed soul, after the preliminary judgment over it, remains still awaiting either the full abundance of eternal joys or more severe eternal torments” (Metropolitan Sergius (Lyapidevsky) .
After parting with the body, the soul can no longer bear the fruits of repentance. But our prayerful memory of them can do this for our deceased relatives.
Is it possible to visit a cemetery on the birthday of the deceased?
The Church not only does not prohibit, but even recommends visiting the cemetery on the birthday of the deceased for remembrance and prayer. You can invite a priest to read suitable prayers. Usually on such days they clean the grave, light a lamp or candle on it, and leave fresh or artificial flowers. You can't just hold funeral dinners with alcohol on a grave mound.
If you can’t come to the cemetery on the birthday of the deceased, don’t be upset. You can order a memorial service for him in church or pray for him at home, mentally communicate with the deceased.
Poems and wishes for deceased relatives and friends.
I will always remember you, my dear, beloved grandmother! Your warmth, love and care will remain with us forever"
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Based on the examples presented above, several basic rules can be identified:
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There are no sins and atrocities, O Lord, greater than Thy mercy! To the slave of the earth and vain desires, forgive the sins for his/her sorrows!
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The philosopher knew that everything has its time, Fate cannot be deceived: The poet has been lonely for centuries - May the glorious one be completed
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There is no water in the funeral cup! Let us not grieve: The midnight star will rise - We will meet again!
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Let it flow from the righteous heights, Until the end of days, the melody of your soul - Why be sad about it?
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How to properly remember the deceased on his birthday
It is important to remember that before the expiration of 40 days from the moment of death and after their passage, slightly different texts of prayers are read. There is a special text to read after the anniversary. To properly conduct a wake, it is worth choosing an appropriate prayer. This could be a special prayer for a deceased husband or wife, for deceased parents, or for grandparents who have left this world. There are texts for prayers for a child (daughter or son) who has passed away from the world, prayers for a newly deceased person, if he is commemorated on his birthday soon after death. You can choose the words that suit a specific commemoration and see how to correctly read the litany at the cemetery here.
For ease of remembering, the Orthodox Church advises keeping a special book (notebook, notebook). It's called a family memorial. The names of deceased relatives are written down in them so that it is convenient to read them all at the memorial. In addition, such memorials allow you to preserve the memory of many generations of the family for a long time.
How to behave on the birthday of the deceased
Just as an Orthodox Christian should behave on all other days, protect himself from sinful actions, be kind and compassionate, refrain from hypocrisy, etc. You should not throw hysterics and loud sobs about the deceased, this can disturb and upset his soul. In fact, the purpose of a wake is the opposite - so that the soul of the deceased rejoices because he is remembered and loved. It is important to remember only the good deeds of the deceased. Remembering his bad deeds and bad character traits can only aggravate his fate and harm his soul. Especially if the commemoration is carried out before the end of 40 days, when the prayer of loved ones can still have an impact on where the soul of the deceased will end up - in heaven or hell. You should not adhere to superstitions that have nothing to do with the church. For example, pour vodka on the grave mound or leave a glass of vodka covered with a piece of bread on the grave. These are echoes of pagan rituals, which not only will not help the Orthodox soul, but can only harm it.
In a church you can order memorial services only for a baptized Orthodox person. You can only light candles for the unbaptized and people of other faiths in church and remember them in home prayer.
The attitude towards commemorating the deceased on his birthday was different at different times in Orthodoxy. The modern approach is to also use this day for intense prayers for the repose of the soul of the deceased. After all, for no one - neither for the dead nor for the living - can there be too much love, help, support that these prayers carry.
Whether it is possible to go to the cemetery on the birthday of the deceased or not, priests and knowledgeable people told
Poems for deceased loved ones, friend, son, father
We will all miss it so much, But this is life, where can we go? Now read and read.
NO. I CAN'T FIND CONSOLIATION IN ANYTHING, I'M TRIGGERED BY PAIN LIKE A WILD EVIL BEAST. THEY ARE FOLLOWING LIKE A SHADOW, HEAVY SOMINATIONS, A PROTEST GROWS IN THE SOUL: DON'T BELIEVE, DON'T BELIEVE.
Show completely I DON’T BELIEVE IN MY HEART AND I DON’T WANT TO BELIEVE THAT YOU’RE GONE. MY BEAUTIFUL FLOWER. MY MEANING, SADNESS. YOU CAN'T MEASURE ANYTHING. THE WORLD WITHOUT YOU BECAME EMPTY AND TERRIBLY LONELY.
I WALK LIKE A SHADOW, FLASHING WITH SOUAL GRIEF. TEARS, I KNOW, I JUST CAN’T HELP WITH BURNING. I PRAY, CALLING YOUR FAMILY IMAGE TO LIFE, AND, BELIEVE, I AM NOT ABLE TO CONTAIN THE SOBS.
TO YOU, MY BELOVED DAUGHTER, I ADDRESS: “HOW TO LIVE CONTINUE? SHOULD YOU NOT RAVE IN WAIT? I'M LEAVING YOUR GRAVE, BUT I'M NOT SAYING GOODBYE. AND I WILL COME TO YOU AGAIN SOON FOR AN ANSWER.
