Suicide, refusal of the great gift of God - life, has always been considered a great sin in the Orthodox Church. Therefore, it is not surprising that people who independently, of their own free will, took their own lives are not buried, and no memorial services are ordered for them in churches and monasteries. There are no special days that are an exception to this strict rule. Those who committed suicide are commemorated only privately. Only at home, with the blessing of the priest, can you pray for their souls. In memory of them, you can organize a wake at home and perform various good deeds, for example, give alms. At the same time, it is important that the life of the relatives and friends of the deceased themselves be pious. In addition, there are special prayers to support the grieving relatives of a suicide victim.
The attitude of Orthodox Christians towards suicide
Voluntary taking of one's life is perceived by Christians as resistance to God's will, a rejection of faith in Him and salvation. After all, no one has the right to interrupt the path measured out by the Lord for each person. Anyone who kills himself is deprived of the right to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven and renounces salvation. A soul that leaves the body at the moment of committing a sin cannot find peace and tranquility. She's going to hell. Every person in his life receives trials from the Almighty. He also receives support from God in order to pass them with dignity. And only the Lord is free to decide issues of life and death.
Whom does Orthodoxy classify as suicide?
Orthodox Christians consider suicides to be anyone who has taken their own life, regardless of how it was done. In former times, those who died in duels were also classified as suicidal. Now they include those who used euthanasia, died during a robbery, or lost their lives while engaging in extreme sports. The greatest sin is death due to drugs and drunkenness. After all, even if suicide could be committed in a state of unconsciousness, a person chose these harmful, sinful addictions for himself in his right mind and of his own free will.
The fact of the suicide of the deceased should under no circumstances be hidden from the priest or attempt to conduct the burial according to the traditional rite. Violation of church rules and prohibitions regarding those who have committed suicide can bring severe punishment for sin on people who hid the fact of suicide, and on the priest who unwittingly violated the sacred canons. After all, God sees everything and it is impossible to deceive him.
Exceptions to church rules
Each case of suicide is individual, therefore the church’s decision on it may be different. The exception to the rule is often the mentally ill who took their own lives under the influence of their illness, not realizing what they were doing at that moment. Memorial services can also be held for a person who committed suicide under the pressure of difficult circumstances. In Christian chronicles one can find references to holy martyrs who committed the act of death in order to prevent the violent desecration of their bodies. Mitigation is possible for those who committed suicide through negligence and managed to repent of it before their death.
To make a decision in such cases, documentary evidence of the illness leading to suicide is collected. For example, medical certificates of serious mental illness. They need to be addressed to the diocesan administration of the city, to the ruling diocesan bishop. You should not try to forge such documents in an attempt to mislead church authorities. The Almighty cannot be deceived. Such deception will only further harm the soul of the suicide victim and plunge into sin the souls of people trying to deceive God and the church.
Esoteric psychology, sexology
“I’ve heard stories of how mere mortal women try to beg suicides. It's creepy. They suffer suicides there. It's like they're stuck here. They don’t live and don’t find peace. They disturb the living, their vampires. One woman decided to do it, but what started... Her life began to fall apart. The husband left, she began to drink (the suicide drunk hanged himself), the children got sick. And they explained to her that this is because only a holy hermit who is fasting can pray for such a thing. And she gave it up."
Agree that my subscriber raised a rather important topic. Let's somehow clarify this issue for ourselves, because various kinds of information pop up from time to time, but few people have specifically tried to understand this topic.
So
First. “Women beg - suicides suffer”...
In this case, the woman works out this connection for herself, i.e. It’s hard for her, she has a feeling of guilt, resentment, etc... Therefore, it’s better for her if she prays for herself and for him, but not in church. There are allowances for relatives of suicides, and the same “Prayer of Leo Optinsky for suicides.”
There is a lot of information on this matter on the Internet, since there are other prayers recommended in this regard.
How about a suicide at this moment? – if the connection for the one praying changes (for example, it becomes less painful and more subtle), then at the other end there will be a corresponding effect. The deceased may “fall off.”
Much depends on the nature of the connection. If he has been a vampire all his life and lived, for example, at the expense of his wife, then the suicide may not like that he was torn away like that. This will make him feel bad. He died crookedly, and he was also deprived of his connections: there was no one to feed on. So it begins to “distort” him.
The next option: suicides are conscious, not bad people in themselves, perhaps, who fell into the “topic” of suicide by mistake (often it is not entirely clear what happened) - the light energies will only benefit them.
When a person is remembered, they seem to give him some kind of energetic message, which makes it easier for him to stay...
By the way, Orthodoxy is ideally suited to this. Everything here has been worked out for centuries, brought to the absolute. So, if you pray in a personal format, often, and with an internal message, then everything will only work for the benefit of both you and the deceased.
Second. “The suicide seems to get stuck”...
A person who passed away in the usual way of death worked out his karma, this is in many ways a logical end for him.
Suicide - showed his will and “torn” himself out of life. He can’t just hang around on the subtle plane, imagine how many of them there would be if everything went haphazardly...
Of course, there are some exceptional cases. For example: he still has unresolved matters, and he is given the opportunity to complete this already in the posthumous version.
But usually, all the dead are subject to the law of the subtle plane. Here we have our own laws, there our own, perhaps even clearer and fairer.
Accordingly (without going into details, since everything is individual) - a ghost can be accompanied by angels, or be under some kind of invisible control. He is being shown something he needs to know.
Third. “He can be a nuisance to the living.”
It all depends on karma in terms of connection. Who is right/who is wrong/why and why can only be understood in an individual format. Therefore, to think that if this happened to these people, the same will happen to others is not correct.
Fourth. “Only elders and hermits can pray for suicides”
If, for example, relatives simply pray, then it will be more of an unconscious prayer, but from the heart (without knowing the features of the subtle plan).
The prayer of hermits and the like is a clear movement in the right direction. Naturally, there will be deeper strength, correctness and the right message - what is important, then the deceased will take a more “correct” position.
It’s no secret that professionals know their business even in this version.
That's all that was worth saying this time.
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Traditions of funerals of suicides
In order not to fall into sin and not to lead the priest into it, it is necessary to tell him all the circumstances of the death of the deceased. Father will help and tell you what to do in a particular case. Those who commit suicide are not buried on the consecrated ground of church cemeteries. However, in the modern world, everyone is buried in public (not church) cemeteries.
The burial should take place on the 3rd day after death. In this case, no funeral service is held. A church veil and aureole are not placed on the body. After all, by the very fact of suicide, this man abandoned God and salvation. You cannot order a magpie or a memorial service for him. You cannot invite a priest to your home to conduct memorial services for a person who has committed suicide. A cross is not placed on the grave of a suicide. Relatives often try to reach a compromise by placing a cross on the tombstone. But it is important to remember that a cross painted on a tombstone will not help a person who voluntarily gave up life. He can only be helped by prayer and good deeds.
About the sin of suicide and suicides
From the diary of Archbishop Nikon (Rozhdestvensky)
We are going through an amazing time! Questions are raised that were already resolved a thousand years ago; values that have been valued for centuries are revalued; decisions that have taken place since the first centuries of Christianity are being revised. And what is especially dangerous: they either forget, or even outright do not want to find out how and on what grounds these issues were resolved by Christian antiquity, and sometimes by the Church itself, the leader of Orthodox Christian thought in those distant times. It turns out that our generation considers itself smarter, more talented and more abundantly blessed with gifts than the great men, bearers of the Christian spirit, who lived in centuries distant from us. If such conceit is conscious, then it is criminal, it testifies to a departure from the Church, although it is still in thought, but I would like to think that all this is happening more unconsciously, as a sin of ignorance, as a consequence of insufficient education in the spirit of churchliness...
In recent years, unbelief in various forms has spread like a muddy, poisonous wave across our native Rus', and above all, unbelief in the Church as a living organism of love, headed by Christ the Savior as Love incarnate. And this lack of faith in the Church sometimes manifests itself even in those who consider themselves believers in God. For such people, it makes no difference how the Orthodox Church teaches about this or that subject of faith and life: they believe that they have the right to have their own judgment about everything, without inquiring about what St. Church. And modern life raises many such questions at every step. Here is an example of this: due to the decline of faith in general and the embitterment of both morals and characters, the number of suicides has increased. Young men kill themselves, 90-year-olds kill themselves. The soul is emptied, the last remnants of faith and idealism are stolen from the heart, the last traces of the image of God are erased, the spirit freezes, there is no support left for the fight against temptation, and the person decides: there is no point in living and suffering anymore, and is embittered at everything, like a rebel , voluntarily dies. This is the psychology of most suicides. It is based on disbelief in the providence of God, blasphemy against the goodness of God, despair - mortal sins, mortal because they do not give room for repentance, kill the spirit, remove, drive away from man the saving grace of God. Man voluntarily and completely surrenders himself to the power of the enemy of the human race, the enemy of God, blocks all paths for grace within himself: how will the influence of this grace be possible for him?
When it comes to salvation, we must always remember that God does not save us by force: He could create us without us, but He does not want to save us without us and, without violating His truth, therefore He cannot. It is necessary that a person, upon leaving this life, should have at least the beginnings of the will to salvation, so that at least he does not deny the possibility of his salvation, and therefore does not lose hope: we pray for those who rest in the hope of resurrection and eternal life , in whom at least a spark of hope remained for the Redeemer of the world. Then the Church also prays “for those kept in hell,” according to the words of Basil the Great. The general law of salvation is expressed in the words of the Lord: “What I find, in that I will judge.”
These are the general grounds for judging whether it is possible to pray for the souls of suicides. But regarding suicides, Saint Timothy, Bishop of Alexandria, in response to the question: “If anyone, being beside himself, raises his hands against himself or throws himself down from a height, should there be an offering (liturgy) for him or not?” - answers: “The clergyman must judge about this, whether he was truly out of his mind and did this. For often those close to someone who has suffered from himself, wanting to achieve that there will be an offering and prayer for him, lie untruthfully and say that he was beside himself. Perhaps he did this out of human resentment, or on some other occasion out of cowardice: and such an offering should not be made, for he is a suicide. Therefore, a clergyman must certainly test with all diligence, lest he fall under condemnation.” This is the only exception that allows church prayer for suicides! A man committed a terrible crime in a state of insanity. It is clear that one cannot judge him harshly for this. God, in the inscrutable ways of His providence, allowed such misfortune, such violence on the part of the enemy of the human race in relation to a person devoid of reason! Let God be his only Judge... The Church, bowing in humility before the incomprehensible destinies of God, betrays this man into the hands of God's mercy as deprived of the opportunity to fight the violence of the devil. However, I repeat: in each individual case, the question of whether church commemoration of a suicide can be allowed must be decided by church authorities, which take responsibility before God for permitting or prohibiting such commemoration. And this represents a heavy burden for every bishop.
Suicides have recently become extremely frequent, especially among young people. It is impossible to rely on the decision of doctors, who often do not believe in God: after all, such doctors are not at all obliged to enter into a judgment on the merits from a spiritual point of view about whether the suicide was in a state of acute insanity and out of mind at the time of the crime; their concern is to at least somewhat reassure the living, grieving relatives of the deceased - and so they usually attribute all suicides to acute insanity. And in a remote corner remote from the diocesan city, this issue has to be resolved by the local priest, who sometimes does not have the courage to refuse a Christian burial and commemoration of a suicide in view of possible complaints to the bishop for refusing this from the relatives of the deceased. Indeed, in our time, the laity completely forget the church rule about subordinating their intelligence to the authority of their shepherd and spiritual father: they look at him simply as a minister of demands, who is obliged to certainly, without any reasoning, fulfill their demands. They forget the rule known even in the Old Testament: obedience is higher than fasting and prayer, higher than offerings and sacrifices (1 Sam. 15:22). When they are reminded of church rules, they usually refer to former examples of permission and no longer want to reason... And the conscience of the priest is often violated by the laity, and the priest, contrary to his conscience, in order to avoid complaints and inquiries, fulfills their demand.
You can’t help but think: how far our life has deviated from the path shown to it by the Church! After all, it turns out that the relatives of the suicide seem to be forcibly, contrary to the will of the Lord Himself, who governs the Church and through the hierarchy shows it the rule of life, want - may it be allowed to put it this way - to push the unfortunate man into the Kingdom of Heaven!..
There is another side to the question of prayer for suicides, which is usually overlooked, although it is perhaps more important than all theoretical judgments, which, perhaps, so to speak, at their very core rely on it. This side is, so to speak, mystical.
We must remember: what is the Church in its essence? According to the teachings of the great Apostle Paul, it is the living body of Christ the Savior, of which He Himself is the Head, and all believers are members, so to speak, living cells of this great organism, animated by the Spirit of God. Prayer, in the words of the late A.S. Khomyakov, is the blood of the Church, which by its circulation attracts the forces of grace to renew the entire organism. She is also the breath of love that unites all believers with Christ and in Christ. Love moves prayer, puts it into action. Love brings the soul of the one praying into contact with the soul of the one for whom she is praying. But this contact is healing for the latter only when he has not yet died for the body of Christ, when he is still a living cell of this body, that is, he has not lost fellowship with Christ, although he is sick, although he has not been cleansed from sinful impurity, but I left here with faith in the prayers of the Church, with the hope of the resurrection in Christ. Then the prayer of love, ascending to the Redeemer of the world, carries from Him healing grace to the soul of the deceased, grace poured out by the love of Christ to one who has not yet lost faith in the redemptive power of the blood shed for him on the Cross. Such a prayer is pleasing to the Lord, as a sacrifice of love for the deceased, and useful for the one praying, as a life-giving work of his love, as the fulfillment of the Lord’s commandment. Such prayer merges with the prayer of the Church itself, the prayer—I dare say—of the Lord Himself, as the Mediator of the New Testament, as the Head of the Church. United with the sacrament of the Eucharist, it penetrates heaven and opens the doors of God’s mercy to our brothers who have fallen asleep in the faith and washes away their sins with the blood of the Lord. Wash away, O Lord, the sin of those who were remembered here by Your honest blood, by the prayers of Your saints
, the Church prays, when the particles taken out for the living and the dead are dropped into the blood of the Lord. Now apply this thought to that unfortunate person who was cut off from the Church by the invisible judgment of God for the mortal sin of despair, in which he died as a suicide. Can such a dead member of the Church, already cut off from it, benefit a prayer for him, even if it were the prayer of the entire Church? Of course he can't. And the reason for this is not outside this unfortunate man, but in himself, in the mood in which he passed into another life... And a change of mood... there, in another world, is impossible if there was no germ of such a change in this life.
God does not save by force. This is the first thing. Second: the light is unbearable for the eyes of those who are sick. It is unbearable to approach God for a soul that has died in unrepentant sin. Who knows? Perhaps our prayer for a person who died in a state of bitterness will only further disturb and strengthen his hostile feelings towards God... At least with regard to evil spirits, it is known that the Lord would be ready to accept these outcasts, but they themselves they do not want to be embittered by their pride. Therefore, instead of benefiting someone who left here in the unrepentant sin of despair and blasphemy against God, it can bring harm to both him and the one who prays for him.
Harm to such a prayer book is also possible from another side. Prayer is not a simple verbal intercession for another, as sometimes happens between people. No. When we pray for our neighbor, we pray not only with our tongue, not with words, but with our hearts, then we perceive the memory of his soul into our soul, into our heart; Out of love for him, we perceive the sorrows with which he is burdened, and, as if on our own behalf, lifting them up to the Lord, we beg His goodness to have mercy or to send him saving grace. The more heartfelt and sincere such a prayer, the greater the mercy of the Lord it can bring down to the soul of the one for whom we are praying. And the closer this person is to us, the more we have feelings of love for him, the more heartfelt our prayer for him becomes. And if he lived on earth piously and pleasing to God, then, remembering his soul in prayer, coming into close contact, uniting with it, we imperceptibly become partakers of the grace that was inherent in this soul during life on earth, and of those good properties, with which she was decorated.
Therefore, prayer for the departed righteous people is very spiritually beneficial and saving for us ourselves. They do not receive so much benefit from us as we receive spiritual joy and consolation from them. The word of Scripture is fulfilled over them: his prayer will return to his bosom.
. On the one hand, with one simple memory of a person known to us through a good life, our reverent thought about him is already delighted by the beauty of his spiritual appearance; on the other hand, he sees our love for himself and, of course, does not remain in our debt: he, so to speak, shows God our love and, out of his love for us, brings God his warm, pure prayer for us.
But it’s a completely different matter when you pray for a person who has committed grave mortal sins all his life and has not thought about cleansing them through repentance. Here prayer no longer brings joy, but, on the contrary, imparts burden, embarrassment, and anxiety to the one praying. Yes, that's how it should be. By perceiving the memory of the soul of the deceased, the one praying at the same time becomes, as it were, a companion of his spiritual state, enters the area of his spiritual yearnings, comes into contact with his sins, not purified by repentance, and takes upon himself a share of his mental suffering.
And this languor and suffering of the soul during prayer for a dead sinner, if he has not yet perished through the sin of despair, gives him joy and relief, inclining God’s mercy to him through the prayer of love. But if his soul passed into another world in a mood hostile to the Church, if it rejected the redemptive merits of the Lord Savior of the world, then how to pray for such? How can one allow himself to be somewhat touched by that god-fighting mood with which his soul was infected? How can one absorb into one’s soul all those blasphemies and crazy speeches and even thoughts with which his soul was full, perhaps even at the very moment of death?.. Doesn’t this mean exposing one’s soul to the danger of being infected by such a mood? It is not in vain that they say that suicide is contagious: with the mere name of a suicide, his image appears in the soul, and with this image is depicted how he ended his life...
Just as a person looking down from the top of a high cliff or bell tower has a fleeting thought from somewhere - to throw himself down, so something similar happens when remembering the suicide of a person, especially known to someone who remembers him and had a relationship with him. I'm talking about impressionable and weak people. But in prayer, as I said, we seem to touch with our soul the soul of the one for whom we pray... What if the prayer for suicide, generally prohibited by the Church, will be displeasing to God?.. If the grace of God withdraws from us for violating the commandment of obedience to the Church ? Because we put our opinion above the teachings and rules of the Church?
Let those who demand that ministers of the Church pray for heretics and suicides think about all this.
Is it possible, they will tell me, to pray for suicides and heretics in home, private, non-church prayer? I answer: home prayer cannot be in conflict with church prayer, especially since church prayer is incomparably higher than private, home prayer. What is my lonely, sinful, weak prayer in comparison with church prayer?.. In church prayer, my weak and, perhaps, unclean prayer is purified and carried to God on the wings of the prayer of the entire Church, the entire host of believers, the host of all the saints of God. For my many sins, I do not have the boldness to approach the Lord my God, much less the boldness to pray for the one who greatly angered Him with the mortal sin of despair; and how can I dare to do what the Church does not dare to do? For if she had dared, she would not have forbidden such prayer...
This is the general judgment about private, home prayer.
But they will tell me: how can one refrain from such a prayer, especially for a person who was connected with the suicide by ties of blood relationship or was very close to him in the spirit of love - how can one refrain from pouring out his soul before the Heavenly Father? How can you not tell Him the sorrows of your heart?..
But this is a completely different matter. No one can forbid each of us personally from “pouring out our souls” in prayer before the Lord, “telling Him our sorrows”: this is not the same thing as prayerful intercession for the deceased. Wise, spiritually experienced and possessed of the gift of reasoning elders-ascetics satisfactorily give a satisfactory answer to this. Thus, the famous Optina elder Leonid, who died in 1841, gave the following instruction to his student (Pavel Tambovtsev), who turned to him for consolation on the occasion of the news he received about the death of his father, which followed from suicide: “Commit to both yourself and the fate of your parent the will of the Lord, wise, almighty. Do not test the Highest destinies. Striving with humility to strengthen yourself within the limits of moderate sadness. Pray to the all-good Creator, thereby fulfilling the duty of love and filial duties.”
- But how to pray for such? - asked the novice.
- According to the spirit of the virtuous and wise:
Seek, O Lord, the lost soul of my father and, if possible, have mercy! Your destinies are unsearchable. Do not make this prayer a sin for me, but Thy holy will be done!
Pray simply, without testing, committing your heart to the right hand of the Most High. Of course, it was not the will of God for such a sad death of your parent: but now it is completely in the will of the Mighty One to cast both soul and body into the fiery furnace, Who both humbles and exalts, dies and gives life, brings down to hell and exalts. Moreover, He is so merciful, omnipotent and loving that the good qualities of all earthly beings are nothing before His highest goodness. For this reason, you should not be overly sad. You will say: “I love my parent, which is why I grieve inconsolably.” Fair. But God, without comparison, loved and loves him more than you. This means that you can only leave the eternal fate of your parent to the goodness and mercy of God, Who, if He deigns to have mercy, then who can resist Him?
This is how the godly elder taught and consoled his disciple, who was in great sorrow and sorrow.
In this instruction and for every Christian who is in a similar position, there is much comfort, reassuring the soul in the tradition of both oneself and the deceased in the will of God, always good and wise... And the faithful, humble son of the Church will not demand more from the Church.
Commemoration of suicides in Orthodoxy
On memorial days, relatives of the suicide victim can take part in a consoling prayer held in the church. To conduct it, you need to ask a priest. This prayer is not a funeral service. This is in no way a commemoration of the deceased or a service for his soul. This is a prayer service in support of his grieving relatives. There is a misconception that on some special days of the year the church allows people to remember those who have committed suicide, for example on Radonitsa or on Parents' Saturday. This opinion arises from the fact that these days they commemorate “those bitten by snakes,” “those who fell from a height,” “absorbed by waves,” “strangled,” etc. But there are no suicides on this list; all these cases refer to those who died through no fault of their own. You can remember those who committed suicide and pray for them only at home. In church you cannot light candles for them, write or give notes, or order any other services.
How to remember those who committed suicide at home
The church allows you to assemble a memorial table and remember the deceased with a kind word on the day of his death, on the day of the funeral and on other memorial days. You can make a wake for 9, 40 days. It is allowed to give alms for him. It is important to remember that praying for a suicide at a funeral meal can only be done with the blessing of a priest and only by baptized people leading a pious life. To do this, you can use a special prayer rite or turn to God in your own words.
Is it possible to alleviate the fate of the soul of a suicide?
Home Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
According to church canons, suicides (this also includes those killed in a duel, criminals killed during a robbery, people who insisted on euthanasia) and even those suspected of suicide (it is not customary to hold a funeral service for those who drowned under unknown circumstances) cannot be buried in a church, or commemorated in church prayer for Liturgy and funeral services. Suicides are not buried in church cemeteries.
An exception is made only for suicides who suffer from obvious mental pathology and are on official psychiatric registration. In such cases, it is necessary to provide the ruling bishop of your diocese with a certificate from the psychiatric institution that once supervised this unfortunate person, and write a corresponding petition asking him to bless the church commemoration of such a person. Almost always such a blessing is given...
In the well-known pre-revolutionary “Manual for clergy by S.V. Bulgakov,” with reference to the resolution of the Holy Synod of July 10, 1881, it is indicated that those who died from heavy drinking (unless it is proven that they drank with the aim of poisoning themselves with alcohol) are not considered suicides. on the grounds that “... because death from heavy drinking is preceded by clouding of reason, which does not happen when using other means of conscious suicide...”
. Although almost all drunkards are aware that excessive alcohol consumption is fatal to health. Not everything is simple in cases of death of drug addicts from an overdose, since immediately before taking the drug, the drug addict, unlike a binge alcoholic who takes the last already fatal portions of alcohol, is clearly in a deranged state, is conscious.
Who are we deceiving—ourselves or God?
However, as practice shows, our people, especially those of little faith and church “goers,” attach excessive and false significance to the church funeral as a kind of magical action, after which the deceased automatically goes to heaven.
Meanwhile, according to the teachings of the Church, the human soul goes through terrible ordeals on the third day after death. At this time, she has a great need for the prayerful help of relatives and the Church. To facilitate the transition of the soul to another life, the canon and psalter are read over the coffin by the relatives, and the funeral service is performed in the church. The primary meaning of this service is the consolation of the soul of the deceased
, and only then asking the Lord for mercy for the soul, asking for sins, which, alas, are not automatically forgiven in absolutely all cases.
It’s hard to see with what simply maniacal persistence parents almost extort from the clergy a blessing for the funeral service of their suicidal children, who have never suffered from mental disorders. Who are we deceiving? The priest, turning to the Lord, sings: “...rest with the saints...”. Who will you rest with the saints?! Suicide?! Who, moreover, despised the Church of Christ for years, just like his parents, who began to be baptized only when a terrible thunder struck?
Saint Innocent of Irkutsk, according to, among other things, apostolic rules, asked relatives who brought the dead to the church for the funeral service: “When was the last time he was at the service?” - “About six months ago.” - “Take the coffin. We have no right to perform funeral services for such people.”
The Church prays only for its members, but almost always people who have long ago arbitrarily cut themselves off from the body of the Church reach suicide. The Lord said: “I am the vine, and you are the branches; He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. Whoever does not abide in Me will be cast out like a branch and wither; and such branches are gathered and thrown into the fire, and they are burned.”
(John 15:5-6) - they contain both great consolation for faithful Christians and a terrible warning for those of little faith and apostates.
Here are two letters from Archimandrite John Krestyankin, confessor of the Pskov-Pechersk Monastery:
“Dear in the Lord A.! You cannot remember and pray for your mother in church, because there are canons that cannot be obeyed. Disobedience will entail terrible consequences for the disobedient. He will give himself over to the power of the enemy. But what is possible is what Bishop Benjamin writes about. And we send you a Canon about someone who died without permission. Read this canon at home for 40 days every day, and read Lev Optinsky’s prayer about your mother all your life. Also give alms for your mother to those in need. Nothing more can be done. Even if someone gives you permission to pray in church, it will be to the detriment of both your mother and yourself,
for no one can abolish the canons of the Church. And obedience to them will bend the Lord to mercy on you and your mother. God bless you!".
“Servant of God V.! You cannot violate church canons with impunity. You cannot pray for your brother in church. You were fussing about his funeral service, now at least stop collecting the wrath of God on your head
. You can only pray for suicides at home, and you cannot pray for them in church, either at the Liturgy or at the memorial service. The Lord is their judge, and you suffer for disobedience.”
The manic persistence of relatives of suicides is often driven by a subconscious desire to shift all responsibility for the future fate of their murdered child to the Church. Meanwhile, the greatest blame lies, first of all, with parents who live in unbelief and who did not give their child the proper faith from a young age, which he could easily rely on in difficult times.
Therefore, it is more correct to take responsibility ourselves, and privately (at home) take upon ourselves the feat of prayer (but not arbitrarily, but with blessings and under certain conditions)
, with faith that the Lord will give some relief to the soul of a suicide.
However, everything is not so simple here...
Pray, but carefully
Over the past few years, several brochures have been circulating, which contain a commemoration at home prayer for suicides with the canon “O those who died without permission” and the prayer of St. Leo, the Elder of Optina. This is a publication of a certain Moscow parish (by the way, printed without the blessing of His Holiness the Patriarch); publication of the Holy Dormition Pskov-Pechersk Monastery (also without the archpastoral blessing); this canon and prayer were included in the book published by the Sretensky Monastery - “Prayers for the Dead” (I have not personally seen the publication, and I don’t know whether it was blessed by His Holiness the Patriarch). A small book “How to Pray for Suicides,” which is a copy of the first two with a number of additions, was published in 2004 with the blessing of Archbishop Nikon of Ufa and Sterlitamak.
Despite the fact that the creator of the canon, Metropolitan Veniamin (Fedchenkov) was a remarkable ascetic of Orthodoxy of the 20th century, in the report of His Holiness Patriarch of Moscow and All Russia Alexy II at the Council of Bishops in 1997 https://www.sedmitza.ru/index.html?sid =50&did=40 says: “More control is needed over the publication and introduction into use of new liturgical texts in order to avoid such misunderstandings as the publication by one Moscow parish of the theologically and canonically dubious “Canon of those who died without permission.”
. Indeed, it is noteworthy that all the prayers about suicides, which are now recommended, with certain reservations, for private (home) reading, relate only to the last century. In the detailed pre-revolutionary manual for clergy of the same S.V. Bulgakov, unfortunately, there is no explanation of how home commemoration of suicides should be carried out, except perhaps:
“...by the Samara spiritual consistory in 1894, the refusal of one of the clergy to bury according to the Orthodox rite a woman who hanged herself while drunk, was recognized as correct; Moreover, the local Eminence at this resolution of the consistory put forward the following resolution regarding the said woman: “I only authorize commemoration, with alms in her memory
, but I don’t dare allow her funeral service according to the Orthodox rite.”
There is NO single conciliar church opinion on the APPROPRIATENESS of prayerful cell (home) commemoration of the souls of suicides, to alleviate their condition, or even salvation.
One of the brochures, which discussed the possibility of commemorating suicides, cited one pre-revolutionary story.
“In the city of Buzuluki, near Orenburg, at one time there lived a rich man. He had a beloved son. At that time, they found him a bride, and he didn’t like her. They wanted to get married, and he hanged himself out of resentment. For the parents it was a terrible blow. They are believers, they applied to many churches and monasteries - they asked to pray. And everyone refused. We went to the holy city of Jerusalem, and they refused. Holy Mount Athos refused... They found one recluse who advised them to use their own funds to cast the largest bell at the bell factory and donate it to the church. And so they did. When the bishop began to consecrate the bell, he struck it 12 times, as required, the sound came out heavy, mournful, and the bishop said: “You cannot ring them either on holidays or during fasting, but only when a dead person is being carried out.” The walls of the bell tower often fogged up; this moisture constantly rotted the floor in the bell tower and it was often replaced. And then a letter came from the Holy Mountain, in which it was written: we tried to pray for the suicide, but the Lord does not accept our prayers, He does not accept the ringing of the bell... The bell was removed and buried in the ground.”
The young man who committed suicide was young, baptized, I think, like everyone else then, he attended divine services much more often than modern Christians of little faith, took Holy Communion, fasted, confessed his sins to the priest, and, judging by the morals of that time, it is unlikely that he sinned gravely. So, was this young man pardoned? It is, alas, that now young people, by the age of twenty, go through all the circles of hell: unbelief, hatred of parents, adultery, abortion, envy, lies, drugs, foul language, passion for the occult... But from a human point of view, even such incredible zeal of parents - try In the 19th century, to travel all over Europe would seem to deserve the attention and condescension of God. However, the Lord will judge whatever he finds you doing...
On the other hand, Archimandrite John (Krestyankin),
the confessor of the Pskov-Pechersk monastery, in one of his letters to a mother whose son committed suicide, wrote:
“But you really cannot pray for your son in church - this is the definition of the Holy Councils of the Holy Fathers, this is the canon.
It is absolutely necessary to pray at home, with all your grieving and wounded soul facing God. But the answer is God’s work; we cannot predict it and cannot decide for God. Having maintained obedience to the Church, leave in your soul the hope of God’s mercy in your maternal prayer. Read the Canon for someone who has arbitrarily interrupted his life (written by Metropolitan Veniamin -
approx. M.S.
),
if possible and with desire.
For the first time, try to read 40 days daily. And let the prayer that is in the canon console you every day, and it will help your son. It is good to give alms to those in need for your son. hope and faith are lamps in our life. And the Lord is mercy and love. That’s what we hope for.” All these commemorations collected in this brochure are only the private opinion of individual members of the Church. Their righteousness and holiness, alas, is not a guarantee of the correctness of their advice or consistency with God's will. Unfortunately, we are now full of people who blindly identify the opinion of a pious elder or ascetic with the opinion of God himself, like “the words of the elder are the words of God.”
Not every black soul can be whitened by God's mercy and grace
The Holy Apostle John, the apostle of “love,” as he is sometimes called in the Church, commanded:
“If anyone sees his brother sinning a sin that does not lead to death, then let him pray, and God will give him life, that is, the one who sins a sin that does not lead to death...” however, he immediately warned “... there is sin leading to death: I do not mean that he should pray”
(1 John 5:16), that is, people who are in such a fallen state that any prayer for their salvation
is in vain
.
Or here - “Whoever does not love the Lord Jesus Christ is anathema, maran-afa”
(1 Cor. 16:22). Terrible words!
The Gospel Scriptures and the Apostolic Epistles do not give reason to believe that Christ can save people by force, and the soul of a person who did not take care to cleanse it himself during his life through repentance and faith in Christ is unlikely to be cleansed by the Lord, even if relatives fervently pray for it.
Archimandrite Ambrose (Yurasov)
gives this story:
“The Lord does not desire the death of the sinner, and whoever turns to Him is saved. He calls everyone to repentance, He loves everyone and wants not a single soul to perish. It is not for nothing that the Lord Himself took on human flesh, came down to earth and suffered for us. This means that He suffered for everyone, no matter how many people there were, are and will be in the world.
But man is given free will - to repent, to accept the living Christ, or to reject Him.
When I served in the Transfiguration Cathedral, I often had to go to services around the city. One day I went on a call; I enter the apartment, they greet me and say: “Father, there is a man here - he is 51 years old, his name is Anatoly - he should be given unction and communion.” I went in and looked: after the operation, there was a patient lying there; his intestines had been removed into his stomach. Next to it is a bottle of water with a pacifier on it. His lips are constantly dry, he keeps this pacifier in his mouth. I ask:
- Anatoly, when did you confess?
- Never.
- Do you want to confess and receive communion?
- But I have nothing to repent of!
- Well, how about it? You never went to church in your life, you didn’t pray to God, you cursed, you drank, you smoked, you fought, you lived unmarried with your wife. All life is pure sin.
- I don’t want to repent of this!
And the women standing nearby said:
- Anatoly, how?! After all, you agreed to call the priest. You need to repent - your soul will immediately feel good.
- I don’t want to repent.
I talked to him, spent 20 minutes, and said:
- Now - imagine - Christ Himself has come to you in the Holy Mysteries, waiting for your repentance. If you do not repent and take communion, you will die - evil spirits will take your soul. And I would be glad to repent later, I would be glad to improve - but you will no longer have such an opportunity. We must repent while we are alive.
“I’ll get what I deserve!” - speaks.
I finished talking and started getting dressed. And the women (neighbors) began to convince him, saying: “Anatoly, come to your senses - what are you saying! After all, it is so important for every person (especially the sick) to repent before death!” And he tells them:
- Don't try to persuade me.
I got dressed:
- Well, goodbye. If he wants to confess, let him know, we will come.
And one of them is suitable:
- Father, talk to him for the last time: maybe he will agree. I walked up and sat down next to him:
- Well, Anatoly, do you want to repent or not?
He is silent. I look, and his eyes glaze over. I speak:
- Yes, he is dying.
Women:
- How? He felt good!
“He’s dying,” I see: he sighed three times, and his soul came out. Of course, demons took this unrepentant soul. That's where the fear, horror is! After all, man has left this world for Eternity. Billions of years of suffering in the fire will pass - this is just the beginning, there will never be an end. And this was such a wonderful opportunity to repent! Not all people are worthy to have a priest come to them and bring the Holy Mysteries - the Body and Blood of Christ... These are the terrible deaths that happen.”
Can God save such a person who does not want to be saved?
And who can guarantee that the suicide at the time of death did not have the same attitude towards God and His Church?
Some may reasonably note: what is there to indulge in demagoguery, is it useful or not useful to pray with home prayer for suicides, according to Christian mercy and compassion, one must definitely pray for such, and the Lord will judge.
At first impression, such judgments seem justified. However…
When praying, prepare for serious temptations
Real prayer is not ecstatic meditation, it is work, and prayer for suicides, unbaptized people and great sinners is
hard work!
During which you will encounter strong spiritual temptations and deteriorating health of not only the prayer booker himself, but possibly all members of his family. There is reason to believe that, perceiving the memory of the soul of the deceased, the person praying at the same time becomes, as it were, a companion of his spiritual state, enters the area of his spiritual yearnings, comes into contact with his sins, unpurified by repentance.
If the deceased was an Orthodox Christian and once in earthly life turned to God with a prayer request for mercy and forgiveness, then the one praying for him with the same prayers bows to him God's mercy and forgiveness. What if the soul passed into another world in a mood hostile to the Church? How can one, praying for an unbaptized person or a baptized person who has departed from the faith, allow oneself to come into some contact with that atheistic mood with which their soul was infected? How to accept into your soul all those ridicule, blasphemy, crazy speeches and thoughts with which their souls were full? Doesn't this mean exposing your soul to the danger of being infected by such sentiments? Those who reproach the Church for lack of mercy should think about all this.
An indicative case is from the life of the holy Venerable Seraphim of Sarov, he said that he managed to beg some great sinner, and so, after that, he, a great righteous man, a monk, was seriously ill for several months.
What awaits Christians who are not as righteous as St. Seraphim of Sarov, who with their prayers undertook to “save” their dear relative who killed himself?! Great temptations and health problems.
Experience shows that with the beginning of a private prayer commemoration not even about a suicide, but about an unbaptized parent who died, alas, in unbelief, almost immediately the illness almost immediately spread to the person praying, then to the wife (husband), and then to the children. Lord have mercy! I know a woman who prayed earnestly for her unbaptized father during her pregnancy, and it ended in a miscarriage.
One of the Ufa priests told me a case when, in the already distant Soviet years, a young man who began to zealously go to church, due to his excessive zeal, decided to save the souls of the dead, whose bodies lay in a cemetery near the city of Ufa. There he compiled a large list with the names of the deceased, and prayed for the repose of everyone. Scandals began in the family between him and his wife, it came to divorce, his already adult children committed all serious sins; Of course, illnesses appeared, and the spiritual life of this person changed not for the better. The holy venerable Moses of Ufa, to whom this Christian then turned for advice, first of all asked him for whom he was praying. When he spoke about his prayerful “feat”, the first words of the monk were not biblical at all: “Are you a fool?!”, and then strictly forbade him to do this, pointing out that there were many serious sinners there: suicides, atheists, drunkards and so on.
Praying for relatives who have not been baptized in Orthodoxy is also not easy.
The conversation about unbaptized people was not started by chance. In practice, it turns out that a person is not only a suicide, but also a non-Christian.
The canon to St. is well known. Martyr Uar for unbaptized people. However, few people carefully read the story accompanying this canon about how, through the prayers of this righteous man, one unbaptized young man was pardoned, and interpreted what was told into life.
This young man, firstly, was a young man, forgive the pun, which means that, due to his age, he did not have time to sin many and seriously; secondly, apparently, he was pious; thirdly, he had a very pious Christian mother (you agree, this is important); fourthly, he knew about Christ, and, apparently, was preparing to receive Holy Baptism, but did not have time (before, Christians went to the catechumens not for a week or two, but for months, or even years); fifthly, those who were catechumens in those days necessarily sincerely repented of their sins, even without a priest’s confession, so who can object to me that such sincere repentance of sins is not spiritually beneficial and useless? What exactly am I leading to? Such a pious young man, the son of a pious Christian mother, already well-disposed towards Christ, was not worth the trouble of begging Saint Huar before God.
Now let’s imagine, for example, a woman who died at an advanced age, who lived in unbelief, blasphemed, fornicated, had abortions, stole (who didn’t steal in Soviet times?), etc., in short, with a great variety of all kinds of unrepentant sins. What can one hope for when trying to pray for her salvation to the holy intercessor Uar?!
However, the souls of relatives are still troubled in despair; is it really impossible to save or improve the situation of suicides, as well as unbaptized relatives?
If your spouse is pregnant, if there are infants and small children in the family, STRICTLY REFRAIN from praying at home for suicides and unbaptized people, especially for unbaptized suicides, in order to avoid health problems for small family members, pregnant and lactating women.
If all of the above conditions do not apply to you, of course, you can try to dare this home prayer feat. However, it is MANDATORY
take a blessing from the priest, and if he refuses, do not act outrageously - this will not end well, and remember “obedience is greater than fasting and prayer.”
It is better to begin your prayer feat by imposing a fast on yourself (necessarily with a blessing!) or during multi-day fasts, if forty days after death no one privately prayed for such dead people. The Monk Nektary of Optina advised at least three Christians to pray together at once. Before and while you pray, confess and receive Holy Communion often, preferably even weekly (again, with blessing). Eat a piece of prosphora and holy water every day. Order a magpie about the health of yourself and close family members. Remember, prayer for suicides and great sinners is a great spiritual feat, do not do it casually, from time to time. I repeat, it is quite possible that, perceiving the memory of the soul of the deceased, the person praying at the same time becomes, as it were, a companion of his spiritual state, enters the area of his spiritual yearnings, comes into contact with his sins, unpurified by repentance. Naturally, nothing good can be expected from this. Even such a great ascetic as Seraphim of Sarov found it difficult to pray for some grave sinner.
There is another, I think, very pious and correct way of receiving mercy from God for a person. Read, along with prayers, the Gospel for the salvation of his soul, one or two chapters a day - “So faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”
(Rom. 10:17).
Where will saving faith in Christ come from for a deceased person who died unbaptized and committed suicide if he does not know the “word of God”
? Alas, this is our common misfortune - many Orthodox Christians, even grandmothers who participate in divine services almost every day, do not read, or read little of the Holy Scriptures.
If you began to pray, and you, your loved ones, children began to have serious health problems, immediately give up your efforts and simply resign yourself, trusting in God’s mercy about the fate of this person’s soul.
“The justice of God will not make a mistake, and with this reassure yourself, as far as this is possible,” the already mentioned Archimandrite John (Krestyankin) wisely wrote. Resigned
with the fact of the suicide of a person close to you, live a dignified righteous Christian life with faith in Christ the Savior, so that your soul is reunited with the Lord after death in paradise, and there directly from Him Himself find out the Divine will for this case. If there is a certain benefit from your prayers to a suicide in hell, pray there diligently. Christians ask for righteous prayers from the saints of God, now standing before Him in paradise, for themselves and their deceased relatives. So what prevents a Christian who finds himself in heaven from praying for his relatives who are in hell?
Save yourself, and thousands around you will be saved
- do not forget these words of St. Seraphim of Sarov.
Lord have mercy and save us
!
Maxim Stepanenko
, Head of the Missionary Department of the Ufa Diocese of the Russian Orthodox Church
PS The problem discussed in the material is very complex and multifaceted, so I hope for your advice and comments, and for your questions. Address: 450103, Ufa, st. Sochinskaya 29, Ufa Diocesan Administration of the Russian Orthodox Church, Stepanenko M.V. e-mail
Prayer of the Optina elders for suicides and other prayers for them
This is one of the most famous prayers that can be prayed for hanged people, drowned people or other suicides. The Optina elders allowed to remember suicides in home (cell) prayer and to give alms for them. According to many examples, a short prayer conveyed by the Optina elder Leonid (in schema - Leo) to the relatives of those who committed suicide brought them peace and consolation, and turned out to be very effective before the Almighty. Of course, such prayers must be offered with great faith and hope.
Prayer for suicides achieves two important goals. For the deceased, this is an opportunity to beg the Lord for forgiveness and peace. The Church knows such examples. For his living relatives, such prayers bring comfort and peace to the soul and family.
In addition to this prayer rule, you can also remember suicides with the “Prayer of a parent for a suicidal child”, “Prayer of children for suicidal parents”, etc. Any of them can be read every day with a lit candle, but only with the blessing of the priest. After all, even private prayer for suicides may turn out to be unsafe for those who offer it. There are many known cases when relatives who prayed without blessing suffered from attacks from demons, became drug addicts, drunkards, gambling addicts, and began to strive for suicide themselves. Therefore, the priest does not give blessings to people who are spiritually weak to read such prayers. If a blessing for prayers for a suicide was not given, you can do alms and other good deeds in the name of the deceased. For example, selflessly helping those in need.
The prayer of relatives for a person who has committed suicide is extremely important. With its help, with the necessary perseverance and humility, having betrayed the fate of the sinner to the immeasurable mercy of God, you can beg his forgiveness from the Lord. After all, he is merciful and generous. If a blessing has not been given to read such prayers, relatives and friends can only help the restless soul of a suicide by their own pious life and good deeds done in the name of the deceased.
Orthodox Life
THOMAS
The Holy Fathers recognized the following stages of suicidal passion (in increasing order): despondency - despair - suicide. But, of course, there is another category of suicides.
Reader question:
Hello! If a suicide was buried in a church, is it now possible to submit funeral notes for him?
Priest Viktor Nikishov answers:
God bless you!
Usually, suicides are not answered either in a church, or in a cemetery, or at home. This practice is ancient and is based on the fact that suicide is a grave sin for which repentance is no longer possible. Suicide is a rebellion against God. It does not happen suddenly, not unexpectedly. The idea of suicide matures in a person for a long time. The Holy Fathers recognized the following stages of suicidal passion (in increasing order): despondency - despair - suicide.
But, of course, there is another category of suicides. These are those who took their own lives under the influence of severe or chronic mental illness. For example, a schizophrenic who suffers from hallucinations and cannot understand where reality is and where his fantasy is. Mental illness or damage to the mind is a mitigating circumstance, as St. Timothy of Alexandria writes about in the 14th canon. Therefore, if a person who committed suicide was registered in a psychiatric hospital, his relatives can take a certificate from the appropriate doctor about mental illness and apply with it to the Ruling Bishop, who can allow the funeral service for the deceased in absentia. The earth is taken from the grave of the deceased, and the priest performs the rite of Orthodox burial over it, as over a body. But still, even such a suicide cannot be commemorated in the temple. Church prayer for a person who has committed suicide is prohibited, but cell prayer, that is, home prayer, is possible. Relatives and friends can take upon themselves the responsibility after the death (meaning suicide) of a relative to read about him privately for forty days (or maybe longer, constantly) the prayer of St. Leo of Optina: “Seek, Lord, the lost soul of Thy servant or maidservant (name ), if possible, have mercy! Your destinies are unsearchable. Do not make this my prayer a sin, but Thy holy will be done!”
There is also a Canon about those who died without permission, written by Metropolitan Veniamin (Fedchenkov). It is also read privately. You can download it on the Internet or buy it at some church store. To read all these prayers, you need to take a blessing from your confessor, or, failing that, from a priest.
You can and should do deeds of mercy for a suicide: donations to the poor, the homeless, etc. Just don’t ask people to remember the deceased suicide.
Also, the Holy Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church, by its decision of July 27, 2011, established a special Rite of prayerful consolation for the relatives of those who died without permission.
This was done because, as it is written in the Resolution of the Synod: “at present, most of those who committed suicide are people who were baptized, but who did not receive either church education or church care. They end their lives not as a result of conscious opposition to God and the Church, but because they are “out of mind,” although this is not recorded by medical evidence. It is impossible for a priest who did not know the deceased in his life to decide how to relate to such a death, and relatives and friends of suicides, meeting the priest’s refusal to perform a funeral service, move even further away from the Church, without receiving consolation.”
This is not a funeral service for a suicide, but a prayer service that is served in a church for the relatives of a person who has committed suicide, so that they can receive consolation. The rank can be served not once, but many times as necessary.
The above-mentioned Resolution of the Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church also states that “Church canons prohibit “offering and prayer” for suicides (Timothy 14), as those who have consciously alienated themselves from communion with God. The validity of this rule is confirmed by the spiritual experience of ascetics who, daring to pray for suicides, experienced irresistible heaviness and demonic temptations.”
It’s a completely different matter if the priest was not told that the person committed suicide and a funeral service took place. This “funeral service” will have no power, since God cannot be deceived. It is impossible to beg forgiveness with cunning. The Lord sees and knows everything. Including your thoughts. Therefore, this deception, even if it occurred due to a mistake, does not solve anything in the posthumous fate of the suicide.
So the answer depends on what situation we are talking about.
God bless you!
