How a wife should treat her husband: the duties of spouses to each other in Orthodoxy, he should be her support, Hymn of Love by the Apostle Paul

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At that moment, when the boy and girl grew up and began to choose their life partner, it is considered the first responsibility of an Orthodox husband and wife. It is necessary to make such a decision after thinking carefully and slowly, since the church says that marriage should be one.

There is a legend about father Arseny and his daughter. The girl wanted to devote her life to serving the Lord, but her father blessed her for marriage. She chose a guy and came to her father. He also said that this was not her betrothed. Then she came with another one, but was again refused. For the third time, her mother chose a groom for her. The girl didn’t like him at all, and she thought that her father would also refuse.

He blessed her for marriage and said that even if she doesn’t love the guy, she doesn’t need to show it to him, and only with him will she be happy. The girl cried for a long time, but listened to her father and married him. A year later, the guy became her dearest and dearest, with whom she lived a long life and gave birth to 13 children.

The best article for you, go to: How to enter a monastery

Adam and Eve - the first spouses on earth

We need to turn to the main source - the Holy Scriptures:

And God said: Let us make man in Our image and after Our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that moves on the earth.
And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female he created them.
And God blessed them, and God said to them: Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.

(Gen. 1:26-28)

This place of the Old Testament is very important for all humanity, like a big family. After all, here we see how the All-Good God created our forefathers Adam and Eve and blessed marriage - the union of a man and a woman.

Adam and Eve are the first spouses in our world

And the Lord God said: It is not good for man to be alone; Let us create for him a helper suitable for him.

(Gen.2:18)

And here we see the Lord’s idea about the relationship of a man and a woman to each other. A woman is equal to a man, as a co-heir of the Kingdom of God, but is in some service to her husband, like any assistant to his superiors.

And the Lord God created a wife from a rib taken from a man, and brought her to the man.

(Gen. 2:22)

The Bible places a lot of emphasis on the union of a man and a woman.

The interpretation of the fragment is as follows: the wife was created from a bone taken from under the husband’s heart. This explains the emotionality and warmth of women.

Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife; and the two will become one flesh.

(Gen. 2:24)

Adam and Eve did not have parents as we understand them; the Lord created them. Adam says that the husband and wife now have their own family, separate from their parents.

This is a very important note.

Nowadays, it often happens that a young husband does not want to separate from his parents and support his family on his own, and the newly-minted wife continues to listen to her mother in everything, who constantly criticizes her husband and unknowingly destroys the newly created union.

Meanwhile, they are now not two people, but one! And they must seek agreement in everything, maintain peace in the family at all costs.

After all, according to the Lord, a house divided against itself cannot stand.

(Matt. 12:25)

What is family

The Church is increasingly saying that modern people do not understand the concept of family at all. They believe that its main goal is the birth of children. And the priests talk about this erroneous understanding, because this is the nature of the family, but not the goal.

Dear brothers and sisters! We invite you to visit the unique resource https://www.slovo-pomoshi.ru/. With its help, you can convey your aspirations to St. Petersburg churches, chapels, monasteries, and also contact the righteous at the place of their burial. We will write a note ourselves, take it to the temple and send you a photo report by email. Turning to God with the help of prayers has helped many people overcome grief, regain health and the joy of worldly life.

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Clergymen often say that a family is a small church, where there are certain responsibilities of the husband and wife in the family. And the purpose of marriage is to embody Christian love. The beginning of which is taken on earth, and the continuation goes to the Kingdom of Heaven.

The duties of a wife to her husband in Orthodoxy are obedience and support for her husband

The requirements for a wife in Christianity were voiced by the Apostle Paul.
In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul explains how a husband and wife should treat each other.

In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul instructs wives:

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord,
because the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the Church, and He is the Savior of the body.
But just as the Church submits to Christ, so do wives to their husbands in everything.

(Eph. 5:22-24)

The Apostle Paul is the first “marriage-maker” in the Christian religion.

The family is a small church. In this church, the husband is a priest, an image of Christ. The wife is her husband’s assistant in everything, like a deaconess. Their children are God's people.

Theophan the Recluse reveals in detail the meaning of the lines of the Epistle and the duties of a wife to her husband in Orthodoxy. He writes that a wife in an Orthodox family should:

Obey your husband in everything, incline your character in every possible way to his, and be completely devoted to him, so that neither in deed nor in thought do you even think of anything without his will.
It is faithful to carry out all his orders, advice, commands, and without allowing the thought of ever putting it on one’s own, in general, not to desire or show superiority in anything.
In case of disagreement, be compliant and patiently endure everything that seems not to your liking; Otherwise you will not preserve your dear peace.
Take care of your spouse's well-being. With her wisdom and influence she can change his character if it is faulty; at least, she should not leave him neglected, but, as much as she has intelligence and strength, act on him and consume him as if from fire.
For this purpose, decorate yourself primarily with virtues, but have other decorations as something extraneous, means, which is easy to refuse, especially when the need to improve matters requires it.
Remember that it is her responsibility to take care of household chores. It is her duty to do what is right; Seeing any discord, say and restore, or make up for.

Feofan the Recluse

bishop

The right relationship between husband and wife is the basis for a strong family

A faithful wife is the keeper of the hearth

The role of a woman in the family cannot be overestimated. The entire Bible is imbued with examples of the lives of the ancestors of the human race, who, one way or another, influenced the historical development of mankind.

Many holy women left an example of humility, fidelity, courage and obedience in the history of mankind.

Prayer in the temple

Great trust in God, submission, and respect for your husband work wonders.

An Orthodox wife treats her husband as the priest of her home, but at the same time she does not stoop to the role of a cleaner, cook, slave and housekeeper. An Orthodox Christian woman is a housebuilder, a keeper of the hearth, a caretaker of the family. God created Eve from the rib of Adam, not from the hand or legs, not from the head, but from the bone that is located under the heart. A good housewife, who is under the provision and protection of the head of the family, has a house full of cups. It is difficult to imagine God’s Bride - the Church untidy or hungry, and so should a mother, a wife, take care about the home. God gave the command to the wife to submit to her husband (Eph. 6:1-4), and to the husband to love his soul mate. Each family member has his own message from the Creator, the fulfillment of which guarantees a happy family life. Many women try to manipulate their body, violating the command of Jehovah in Heaven (1 Cor. 7: 3-5), which says that a wife has no power to refuse her husband, her the body is in the power of the husband. Only fasting and prayer, and this is more than 200 days a year, can be the reason for avoiding marital relations. King Solomon wrote in Proverbs that a wise wife builds a home, but a quarrelsome woman destroys it. Women should adorn themselves not only externally, the beauty of an Orthodox Christian woman in humility, peacefulness, prudence and respect for her husband. An Orthodox wife will never allow herself to “wash dirty laundry in public.” All questions, disagreements, even discord are resolved not by shouting and reproaches, but by prayer and advice from spiritual mentors.

Prayers for the family:

Prayer to Nicholas the Wonderworker for the familyPrayers to Saints Peter and Fevronia of Murom Prayer to Saint Matrona of Moscow

The beauty of a Christian woman is hidden in her heart, filled with mercy, fear of God, open to helping people and serving the Creator.

Worshiping mammon in the form of gold and jewelry will not make a woman more beautiful, but only filling her with the Fruits of the Holy Spirit will transform the mistress of the house into the queen of her master.

The ability to respond with meekness to rudeness and obedience to demands are the main indicators of a true Christian.

It is the mother who is an example of obedience for children, and the father who is a loving master. Knowing the power of Christian obedience, God shows special favor to women, calling them saints and queens.

The Almighty Creator calls on women to submit to their husbands not out of fear, but out of love for God’s commandments. In families filled with God's knowledge, humility and fidelity, obedience and patience, care and love reign, which are the key to raising children as true Christians.

The biggest mistake of a negligent wife, even if she has reached high positions in politics or business, is to humiliate a man, especially in front of children or other people.

During the wedding, the spouses make a vow to live together and carry their love in wealth and poverty, health and illness.

The ability to please one another, to support each other, to curb one’s tongue, especially for the fairer sex, will be rewarded a hundredfold in years to come, when the temples turn grey.

Advice! A wise wife will never go to bed in anger. The Almighty has given Christians a powerful weapon - prayer, which can extinguish any discord in hearts if Jesus lives there.

Video about the relationship between husband and wife in an Orthodox family

Loving as yourself is how a husband should treat his wife

In the letter to the Ephesians, Paul says:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her, in order to sanctify her, cleansing her with the washing of water through the word; in order to present it to Himself as a glorious Church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or anything like that, but that it might be holy and without blemish. Thus should husbands love their wives as their own bodies: he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and warms it, just as the Lord does the Church, because we are members of His Body, from His flesh and from His bones. Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one.

(Eph. 5:25-31)

Paul draws the line by describing the perfect relationship between husband and wife:

So let each of you love his wife as himself; and let the wife be afraid of her husband.

(Eph. 5:33)

A man, as the head of a family, is responsible for everything that happens in it. Prosperity, peace, order in the family is the merit of the husband. The outrage happening in the family discredits him. Contrary to popular belief, the father is the main educator of children.

Even if he doesn’t spend as much time with them as his mother does, and doesn’t carry them close to his heart, however, his behavior, treatment of his family, and teachings, even if rare, are completely absorbed by the children. Children are our reflection.

The Christian attitude of a wife towards her husband makes the family happy

The husband is the head of the family

In prosperous families, a man is clearly aware of his role in the family. If the husband is the head of the family, like Jesus is the head of the Church, then the man will value, respect and take care of his soul mate, providing her with everything she needs (1 Cor. 11:1-3).

About family:

Modern patriarchal familyResponsibilities and instructions for husband and wife

The Creator has prepared his own message for each person. The husband reads and does what is written for him, and Jesus commanded him to love his wife as Christ loves the Church, but it is written about submission for his other half.

In his letter, the Apostle Peter (1 Peter 3:1-7) clearly outlined his commands for married couples. The attitude of a husband to his wife in Orthodoxy implies:

equality in property ownership; prudent attitude towards one’s partner in all matters of life; maintaining a woman’s authority; protecting her interests and maintaining a good reputation.

The Bible calls a woman in Orthodoxy the weakest vessel. Imagine a man into whose strong, courageous hands God placed the finest, most exquisite crystal vase; this is his wife, mother of children, beloved. The slightest awkward movement, blow, strong compression and instead of the miracle of the Creator's creation - millions of fragments.

Interpreting the words of the Bible in their favor that a woman must submit to a man and she has no power over the body, some husbands turn their significant other into slaves without a voice and the right to think independently.

The woman is the keeper of the hearth. She is a light, gentle and warm, by guarding which you can always live in peace and comfort.

The status of the head of the family is to be the likeness of Jesus Christ, not a slave owner. An equal partner in the family is the spouse; she should have her own comfort zone, personal opinion and, of course, free time for herself. People say that a beloved woman is happy, and a happy one is always beautiful.

Relationship between husband and wife

A good owner has the most beautiful girlfriend in life, given by God, his soul mate, the queen, who has an equal share in the rule of the family.

Important! The head of the family, like Jesus of the Church, must give his mistress all the rights to resolve women's issues, supporting her attitudes and rules.

It is not appropriate for the king and the priest of the house to bring home gossip, sow discord and pettily find fault with any error.

The litmus test, the test for a man’s relationship with his partner, is Jesus and the Church.

Can a true Christian imagine an abandoned Church with children, not provided for by her Groom, who can cheat on Her?

A house, subordinated in its everyday life to the laws of Christianity and filled with spiritual life, an example of which is the head of the family, will always be under the protection of God.

John Chrysostom wrote that a husband should love and protect his wife, and a wife should obey her husband

John Chrysostom talks about the duties of a husband in an Orthodox family:

“So, loving is the business of husbands, and yielding is the business of wives. Therefore, if everyone does their duty, then everything will be strong; Seeing herself loved, the wife is friendly, and when she meets obedience, the husband is meek.
Look how it works in nature, so that the husband loves and the wife is obedient; for when the superior loves the subordinate, then everything is fine.
Love is not so much required from the subordinate as from the superior to the subordinate, for obedience is required from the subordinate...
Therefore, when a wife submits, do not be magnified; and you, wife, when your husband loves you, do not be arrogant; Let neither a man's love excite conceit in a wife, nor let a wife's subordination puff up her husband.
God subjected her to you so that she would be more loved; and He inspired his husband to love you, wife, so that it would be better for him to obey you. Do not be afraid of submission: for it is not at all difficult to obey someone who loves.
Do not grow cold in love, husband, for your wife is yielding to you. Union is possible in no other way. You have the necessary power by nature, but also have a union of love. This union allows the weakest to be tolerated.”

John Chrysostom

archbishop

True Christians have strong families

The husband must be a support for his wife, so that she feels protected and does not have worries higher than her own. A woman is the weakest vessel (1 Pet 3:7), so let her remain so! After all, a woman doesn’t need much: just to feel care and love from her husband.

He will give flowers not for a holiday, but just because he loves her. He will take you to the theater or cafe at least once a month, and organize a walk in the park with ice cream.

Let her husband protect and protect her fragile nature from all bad weather.

He will ask how she spent that day while he was at work. This won’t be a big deal, but how his missus will blossom, how she will look at her protector and beloved!

With this attitude of the husband, the wife usually gets a second wind and she can provide twice as much care and attention to both him and his children. Without noticing it themselves, men deny themselves such pleasure as an always cheerful and kind wife. And vice versa, neglecting their responsibilities, they have wives at home who are grumpy and aging before their time.

What rights do spouses have?

Before talking about the rights arising in connection with marriage and marriage, it is necessary to learn to distinguish between property and personal. The first require clear definitions of material issues related to the property of family members. The second applies to the non-material sphere of life.

Personal rights of husband and wife

If we interpret the personal rights and responsibilities of the spouses briefly, the husband and wife, after registering the union, share all powers between them, in equal proportions, or according to another agreement fixed in the contract.

Personal rights are understood as subjective rights in relation to intangible goods that do not have economic content. The personal rights of wives and husbands cannot be taken away due to their intangibility and close connection with the personalities of the spouses.

Article 31 of the RF IC establishes the principle of equality of personal rights in marital relationships.

The Family Code regulates the personal legal relations of spouses, highlighting the types of freedoms:

Choosing a place of residence and stay, regardless of whether the spouses live together on a permanent basis. If the husband or wife decides to leave, the partner is not required to leave the place of residence with the spouse.
Definitions of professional activity, choice of occupation in accordance with Art. 37 Labor Code of the Russian Federation. There is no need to legally agree on the choice of procession with your partner.
Choosing and changing a surname as part of marriage registration. The right to take the surname of the second partner is established in the Family Code (Article 32).

Property

Not only ownership of property is established by property legal relations, but also obligations to support each other (alimony).

The property of spouses is determined by law according to 2 regimes:

legal, according to Chapter 7 of family law;
contractual, on the basis of Chapter 8 of the RF IC.

If you follow the legal regime for determining property rights on the basis of Articles 33-34, all property acquired during marriage is considered joint, i.e. general The exception is the facts of donation and inheritance of real estate and other property.

Joint property involves division into equal amounts for husband and wife, regardless of income level, having a job or running a household.

Items for personal use are not subject to division, i.e. husband and wife will not have to share shoes, clothes, and hygiene items. According to Art. 36 a similar principle is adhered to when determining rights to the achieved results of intellectual activity.

It is allowed to transfer personal property into joint ownership in accordance with Art. 37 only when providing evidence that the property has increased in value through common efforts.

Do not forget that along with rights, spouses also share responsibility for debt obligations.

If equal distribution is not satisfactory for some reason, a contractual regime is used, when spouses independently determine the conditions for the distribution of property within the framework of the marriage contract (Article 41). The document may concern one of the properties, or the entire property of the spouses, including future acquisitions of the family, as follows in Art. 42 IC RF.

If the need arises, the parties have the right, by mutual expression of will, to refuse to follow the agreement, or to unilaterally protest its effect in court on the basis of Art. 43 RF IC. The reason forcing the court to invalidate the contract is the establishment of the fact that less favorable conditions have been created for one of the parties, or within the framework of the reasons described in Article 44 of the RF IC.

Paisiy Svyatogorets gave instructions to those entering into marriage

Those entering marriage can be advised to confess to one confessor; this will be a great help in a newly born family.

Paisiy Svyatogorets said this:

“Take two unplaned boards.
One has a knot in one place, the other - in another.
And if you want to connect them as is, unplaned, then there will be a gap between them.
However, if you slightly plan the first board in one place, and the second in another, they will immediately fit one against the other.
You just have to plan with the same plane.”

Paisiy Svyatogorets

saint

I would like to end with the words of the Apostle Paul:

Lines from the 13th chapter of the Epistle to the Corinthians are called the “Hymn of Love”

If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but do not have love, then I am a ringing brass or a sounding cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries, and have all knowledge and all faith, so that I could move mountains, but do not have love, then I am nothing.
And if I give away all my property and give my body to be burned, but do not have love, it does me no good.
Love is patient, merciful, love does not envy, love is not arrogant, is not proud, is not rude, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails, although prophecy will cease, and tongues will be silent, and knowledge will be abolished.

(1 Cor. 13:1-8)

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What is "empty nest" syndrome?

One of the stages of family development is the departure of adult children from home. Parents are left alone and face difficulties caused by the need to adapt to life together.

The unusual environment is oppressive and deprives you of comfort; a feeling of loneliness and emptiness appears. It’s not clear what to do next and how to build your life. The situation is complicated by the need to come to terms with the following factors:

decrease in physical strength, appearance of signs of aging;
retirement, decreased income;
adaptation to new family roles of grandparents;
narrowing the circle of contacts, reducing social significance;
building relationships with new relatives.

The problem of the “empty nest” is relevant for parents who saw the meaning of life in their children. The departure of children into independent life is perceived as the destruction of hopes, the disappearance of the meaning of existence. Parents feel abandoned and betrayed. They try to maintain the same relationship, consciously or unconsciously interfering with the children’s independence. Parents can use psychological violence, manipulate, blackmail, children cannot break the psychological connection and create their own family.

Normally, parents overcome the “empty nest” syndrome and come to terms with the new distribution of roles. If the relationship develops unsuccessfully, children remain dependent on their parents for the rest of their lives, even if they live separately.

What is the problem?

If you want to change the world, start with yourself. This rule also works great in family structures. Everything is simple here: if the husband sees that his wife has begun to cope with her responsibilities much better, he, even on an automatic level, feeling gratitude and involvement in what is happening, begins to correct his mistakes. The same applies to the reverse situation.

The problem here lies in the fact that no one wants to start with themselves. And this is logical, because it is much easier to blame another person for all the problems, just remember that this only aggravates the current situation, but does not help in solving it. You will never be able to improve your relationship if you blame each other for all the deadly sins.

According to Sharia

Most peoples of the world have special instructions regarding how a husband should treat his wife. This is normal. What can, for example, biblical stories and Muslim traditions offer?

According to Shariah, a man should follow the following advice:

Communicate with your wife on an equal basis and do not prohibit everything that Sharia allows. Tolerate the insults that a woman says. Don't react to her aggression. Treat your loved one condescendingly during quarrels. Delight your wife, make you laugh and entertain

But at the same time, it is important to maintain harmony and remain an authority for the girl. Support a woman. It is necessary

A husband who does not support his beloved is a disgrace to the family. At the same time, the money that the wife earns is her money. She has the right to spend them as she sees fit. A disobedient woman (who does not follow Shariah) is worth educating. It is allowed not to hit hard, in extreme cases and not in the face. Treat all wives the same. This applies to both provision and attention. Protect and take care of the woman who is the wife. Protect where it is not prohibited by Sharia. If a husband does not love his wife, then he should not show his disdain. Humiliate, offend, insult, beat - too. Muslims tend to treat women with respect.

Ways to solve family problems

Following the principles of well-being in partnerships will help you avoid most mistakes that lead to a break in relationships:

Get rid of illusions. To avoid disappointment, you need to learn to see and understand your partner, and not try to make a real person fit your fantasies.
Understand the psychology of your partner. Accept your spouse, adapt to his characteristics.
Don't avoid difficulties. Overcoming problems together helps you not to be afraid of difficulties and develop the ability to come to compromises.
Be able to forgive. The ability to forget past grievances and mistakes helps to avoid mutual reproaches and dissatisfaction with the marriage.
Satisfy your partner's needs. The ability to understand the desires of a spouse helps to increase cohesion, the emergence of warm feelings, and emotional attachment.
Develop emotional involvement. Show tact and focus on the positive qualities of your partner.
Welcome differentiation of needs. Temporarily living separately (for example, spending separate holidays) helps to strengthen the feeling of attachment and increases the value of marriage.

Love as the main motive for raising a family

Psychologists call love as a special type of interaction between spouses the main criterion necessary for creating a family. Researcher I. Kon offers a classification of love consisting of 6 types:

Hedonistic. It is expressed by light flirting, making advances, and enjoying the interaction. The partner’s personality is neutralized; only the ability to satisfy the need matters. Feelings are superficial, separation occurs quickly and does not cause traumatic experiences.
Erotic. It is typical for this model of love to experience a high intensity of passions, to strive for complete fusion with one’s partner, submission, unity, and sensual physical contact.
Pragmatic. An alliance based on pragmatism and sober calculation. For this type of marriage, feelings fade into the background; the main role is played by obtaining benefits. When spouses get what they need or find an option that helps them get more, the marriage ends.
Selfless. Altruistic love, with unequal division of marital responsibilities. One of the spouses becomes a conditional parent for the other, fulfilling the needs of the “child.” Such relationships lead to complete social unfulfillment of the supervised partner, emotional and physical inequality.
Love-friendship. A strong alliance built on equality, mutual respect and sincerity. Love-friendship is characterized by a high level of spiritual intimacy, communication, and exchange of emotions.
Love-mania. Represents an unhealthy fanatical obsession. The lover depends on the object of worship, deifies him, strives for complete possession. If the object of love commits an act that the lover regards as bad and does not correspond to the image, love disappears.

Women, according to Kohn, tend to choose altruistic relationship options, men prefer erotic love and hedonism.

Pregnancy

Very often people are interested in how a husband should treat his pregnant wife. After all, during this period, a woman’s body is rebuilt. Some become calm, others become unbearably hysterical. How to behave?

The following tips will help a man maintain harmony during his beloved’s pregnancy:

Pregnancy is not a disease. This should be remembered. But, as many people say, it’s easier to go to work with a cold. It should be remembered that during pregnancy a woman is most vulnerable. Therefore, it is recommended to be patient and not react violently to emotional changes. Again, pregnancy is not a disease. There's no need to worry about your wife like she's over a crystal vase.

But it’s worth listening to the requests of pregnant women. Support and attention are what a pregnant woman needs. If the wife asks to go for an ultrasound and look at the baby, the husband better agree

And show interest in the unborn child. The woman will be pleased. The wife's hysterics and strange desires are a temporary phenomenon. As has already been said, they need to be endured. Do not threaten divorce under any circumstances, or leave the girl “in a position” alone. Less stress. The woman whom a man loves must be protected from any troubles during pregnancy. After all, the baby’s health depends on it!

All these tips will help a man show himself as a loving and attentive person. Of course, you shouldn’t forget about all the other features either. In principle, the key to success is:

respect; attention and understanding; equality; ignoring some women's emotional outbursts; showing concern.