Is oral sex acceptable in marriage? Is it sinful to have oral sex? What does the Bible say about this? Well, let's look at these issues in more detail.
Let's start by explaining the concepts. Clifford and Joyce Penner, in their book The Gift of Sex, define oral sex as follows: “Oral sex, or oral stimulation, is stimulating your partner’s genitals with your mouth, lips and tongue. A man can stimulate a woman's clitoris and vagina with his tongue, or a woman can caress a man's penis with her mouth." This sexual stimulation may or may not lead to orgasm for the partner.
This is definitely a hot topic when it comes to relationships. All such questions are becoming more common as young people nowadays are told that “oral sex is not really sex.” In fact, many sources promote it as “safer” sex and as an alternative to intercourse. You may have come across similar statements on the Internet. Of course, these questions are also asked by Christians who are interested in what is permitted in the marriage bed and what is sinful.
Theology of Intimate Relationships
Orthodoxy welcomes sex between a married couple as an act of God's blessing. Intimate relationships in an Orthodox family are a God-blessed action that involves not only the birth of children, but also the strengthening of love, intimacy and trust between spouses.
About family in Orthodoxy:
- About the patriarchal family
- Is it necessary for an Orthodox family to have many children?
- What icon is used to bless a marriage?
God created man and woman in His image, He created a beautiful creation - man. The Almighty Creator Himself provided for intimate relationships between a man and a woman. Everything was perfect in God's creation; God created man, naked and beautiful. So why is humanity so hypocritical about nudity nowadays?
Adam and Eve
The Hermitage exhibits magnificent sculptures demonstrating the beauty of the human body.
The Creator left His instructions to people (Gen. 1:28):
- to multiply;
- multiply;
- fill the earth.
For reference! There was no shame in paradise; this feeling appeared among the first people after committing a sin.
How does God feel about blowjobs?
Answered by: Vasily Yunak
Vera writes: forgive me for the indiscreet question, but this worries me very much. My relationship with my boyfriend has reached its logical conclusion, and soon there will be an engagement. We are interested in the question of how God treats blow job? Is this acceptable for Christians? How should the SDA Church feel about this?
Greetings, Sister Vera!
We have discussed this issue several times, and you can view the relevant section. But to put it in a nutshell, the only thing that is not permissible in the marital bedroom is that which humiliates the spouse or is harmful to health. Everything else is permissible, and no one has the right to look there with their own regulations.
As for how SDAs feel about this, this is everyone’s individual opinion; There is no official position, and there is unlikely to be one. And because this is a private opinion, you will hear a variety of interpretations. And on our site, too, different ministers answered differently. And among everyone, it seems, I am the most liberal: my only limitation is that it does not cause trouble to another, be it physical or moral.
The bedroom should bring only mutual joy and bliss. And if one becomes the slave of another, then this is no longer permissible. And slavery can be in any direction: in one direction, slavery is when they demand from you something that is not pleasant to you; in the other direction when you are deprived of something that pleases you. And therefore, in the bedroom there should still be openness and attention to each other, to each other’s needs and wishes. There should be an open discussion about what is acceptable or unacceptable for each spouse. Sometimes this is the most difficult thing, because in trying to please each other you can find yourself in a situation where it is unpleasant for both, but both diplomatically “give in” to each other. And so let me express my male opinion: I believe that blowjobs degrade a woman. And that’s why I personally have, let’s say, not a positive attitude towards him. In this matter, a man must remain exactly a man - not allowing a woman to be humiliated, in control of himself, ready to make self-sacrifice for the sake of his beloved, and never demand what is not pleasant. But this is my personal opinion, with which you have the right to disagree: one prefers sweet with sourness, and the other with bitterness. That's why there's no arguing about tastes. However, I understand the situation that may arise during menstruation, when artificial birth control is undesirable for health reasons and other reasons. Then alternative methods of satisfying each other may sometimes be the only acceptable option. Although why the only one? Maybe I just lack imagination? I believe that if spouses are open to each other and discuss their intimate needs and problems without unnecessary diplomacy and without mutual offense, then the most convenient and acceptable compromises can be found.
I just want to remind you once again: the bedroom is a place where outsiders are prohibited from entering. Therefore, do not let anyone dictate to you what to do. And very important: do not share details with those who know you. The church has to do with salvation and sin, not the marital bedroom. The sin of spouses is when a third appears, whether physically, or with its control over their actions. Yes, there are sins of spouses in that one humiliates the other, causes pain... if anyone says that in his family there were no problems, quarrels and disagreements in any issues, including intimate ones, then I will not believe them, although I will praise them: It’s not good to wash dirty linen in public. But I say this to mean that the search for ways to mutual satisfaction in the bedroom can also be not entirely pleasant and painful. Not without it. It is important to discuss this in time and look for those forms and methods that are acceptable to both.
Therefore, if a blowjob turns out to be personally acceptable to you, and your husband likes it, only the two of you can decide whether it’s worth using it. However, I will tell you one more thing that perhaps you, as a woman, may not understand now, before marriage and the start of sexual life. Usually a woman can experience several orgasms one after another, but a man can only experience one. And it would be several hours before he could orgasm again. Therefore, if you choose a blowjob, this means that natural sex will only happen next time. That is why I said that in the form of protection during critical days it can be allowed as an alternative. Remember also that after orgasm a man is practically unable to continue to satisfy a woman, so he must be active in the beginning and give you proper satisfaction before getting anything from you. This is exactly what is meant by foreplay, preparing caresses. From the very beginning, a man should be willing to give, not receive. And if suddenly he does not understand this, you should strive for this and talk about it from the first days. And until you, the woman, experience complete satisfaction from foreplay, do not go further.
Blessings!
Vasily Yunak
Orthodoxy and intimate relationships
Delving deeper into the New Testament, one can trace the indignation and contempt with which Jesus treated hypocrites. Why is sex life relegated to second and third place in Orthodoxy?
During fasting, the main focus is not even on prayer, but on fasting, food restrictions, but what about the desires of the flesh?
God, when creating man and woman, provided that they would become one flesh and this would happen during intimate relationships. The two halves will become one, mutually filling with each other’s spirit. After sexual intercourse, part of the wife lives in the husband and vice versa, and the wife possesses part of the husband. These are the spiritual components of intimate life that were created by God.
Married couple
It is difficult to imagine how life in the spiritual world is for those who have “scattered” their souls among many partners and have problems without even realizing that the cause of everything is promiscuous sex.
Before the coming of Jesus Christ, polygamy existed on earth, but these were not casual relationships. King David, a man after God’s own heart (1 Sam. 13:14), sinned with someone else’s wife, then married her after the death of her husband, but God’s chosen one also had to suffer punishment. The child born to the beautiful Bathsheba died.
Having many wives, concubines, kings and ordinary people could not even think that another man could touch their woman. When entering into a love affair with a woman, a man was obliged to tie himself to family ties according to the laws of the church. Even then the marriage was blessed by the priests and sanctified by God. Children born from a legal marriage became heirs.
Important! The Orthodox Church stands for the beauty of real close family ties.
Quotes
So that no one thinks that I am saying “gag,” I will write here what any Orthodox family man should base his opinion on.
Apostle Paul:
“The husband show his wife due favor; likewise is a wife to her husband. The wife has no power over her body, but the husband does; Likewise, the husband has no power over his body, but the wife does. Do not deviate from each other, except by agreement, for a while, to practice fasting and prayer, and then be together again, so that Satan does not tempt you with your intemperance.” (Epistle to the Corinthians).
Rule 4 of Saint Dionysius of Alexandria:
“Those who marry must be their own dominant judges. For they heard Paul writing that it is proper to abstain from each other, by consent, for a time, in order to practice prayer, and then again in life.”
Saint John Chrysostom:
“A wife should not, he says, abstain against the will of her husband, and a husband should not abstain against the will of his wife. Why? Because great evil comes from this abstinence; this often resulted in adultery, fornication and domestic disorder.”
Intimate relationships or sex
There is no concept of sex in the Bible, but Holy Scripture pays a lot of attention to the intimate life of believers. From time immemorial, the connection between a man and a woman has been an object of desire and an open door to temptation.
Sex has always been associated with depravity, which has been known since the beginning of time. For debauchery, homosexuality and perversion, God burned the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah with fire, not finding righteous people in them. The concept of sex is associated with oral and anal copulation, which Orthodoxy classifies as perversions according to the Bible.
In order to protect believers from the sin of fornication, God, in chapter 18 of the book of Leviticus from the Old Testament, described point by point with whom one can have sexual intercourse.
Imagine, the Great Creator Himself pays great attention to close, sexual relationships, blessing intimate life in marriage.
Wedding of spouses
Sex before marriage
Why does the Orthodox Church warn young people to abstain from intimate relationships before marriage and maintain chastity?
The Old Testament describes several cases where fornicators were stoned for committing adultery. What is the reason for such cruelty?
The film "The Ten Commandments" shows a terrible scene of stoning sinners. The adulterers were tied by their hands and feet to stakes so that they could not hide or defend themselves, and all the people threw sharp, huge stones at them.
This action had two meanings:
- the first - for intimidation and edification;
- secondly, children born from such a relationship carried a curse to the family, depriving it of God’s protection.
A family not married by God cannot be under His protection.
Unrepentant sinners excommunicate themselves from the Sacrament of Confession and Communion, living of their own free will under the attacks of the devil.
How to combine chastity and sex
Christian Family is a small church based on love . Purity and chastity are the main canons of Orthodox relationships, most of all revealed in the sexual relationship of married spouses.
The Church in no way excludes sexual relations between partners, for this is an act created by the Creator Himself to fill the earth with His children. Church laws clearly regulate the life of Orthodox believers, including spiritual, mental and physical life.
To be immersed in God's grace, all Orthodox Christians must grow spiritually:
- read the Word of God;
- pray;
- keep fasts;
- attend temple services;
- participate in the Sacraments of the church.
Even monks living in monasteries are not deprived of spiritual experiences, but what can we say about ordinary Christians who are in a sinful world?
Every day, every person needs food, communication, love, acceptance and sex life as a natural part of human existence. The Orthodox Church, according to the Word of God, blesses the sex life of a married couple, limiting it for a certain time, this also applies to food, fasting, entertainment and various types of work.
Prayers for the family:
- Prayer for peace and love in the family
- Prayer to Matrona of Moscow for the well-being of the family
- Prayer to Nicholas the Wonderworker for family
Relationship between husband and wife
In the First Epistle to the Corinthians, in chapter 7, the Apostle Paul literally described the behavior of marriage partners during solitude: “Intimate relationships are the law, and it is not permissible for healthy people to refuse them, for in this case both partners will be guilty of adultery: the one who refused and led to sin, and the one who could not resist and fell into fornication.”
Attention! Nowhere in the Bible does it say that the only reason for marital intimacy can be the birth of a child. When touching on an intimate issue, there is no talk about children at all, but only about love, pleasure and close relationships that strengthen the family.
So what does the Bible say about oral sex?i
Oral sex as a term or specific practice is not mentioned or described explicitly in the Bible. That is, the Bible says nothing about oral sex. However, many theologians, counselors and pastors suggest that there are two passages in the Song of Solomon that at least imply oral sex.
One of them is Song of Solomon 2:3: “As the apple tree is among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. I love to sit in its shade, and its fruits are sweet to my throat.” The word "fruit" in the Bible can refer to male genitalia, so it is possible that this passage refers to oral sex.
The second possible veiled reference is in Song of Solomon 4:16: “A wind will arise from the north and come from the south, blow upon my garden, and the fragrance thereof will flow forth! “Let my beloved come to his garden and eat its sweet fruits.” These words spoken by Solomon's bride are the climax of a very sensual love scene. She appears to be asking her husband to blow into her garden (the garden is a poetic reference to the vagina used throughout the Songs) and make it release a scent. Of course, one cannot be sure of this, but it is possible that Solomon's wife invites her husband to excite her with oral sex (“to eat the sweet fruits.” She then invites him to enter her (the “garden”) and enjoy the pleasures awaiting him in the “garden.” .
Without a doubt, the Song of Songs is a love story between Solomon and his bride, which celebrates their mutual feelings. In his love story, Solomon uses the language of metaphor and allegory to describe the delights of sex in marriage. Any serious Bible interpreter should exercise extreme caution when dealing with this text. All metaphors are used to describe the beautiful love and sexual relationship that flows from that love between Solomon and his bride.
Renowned clergyman and pastor John MacArthur gives the following description of the Songs:
“Sometimes a metaphor is also a euphemism, and this is clearly the case with some of the controversial imagery in Song of Solomon. There is no exegetical way to understand what jewels, flowers, fragrances, oils and other sensual pleasures are named in the poem presented in the mind of the author. He deliberately leaves them vague. Consequently, symbols do not necessarily have to have an unambiguous relation to the corresponding realities; rather, they are general symbols of beauty and desire. Solomon uses symbolism rather than saying anything overt, which (by definition) also makes these metaphors euphemistic."
Doesn't sound entirely clear, right? Let me put it briefly: there are possible allusions to oral sex in the Bible, but it is always veiled in symbolism. This means that no Bible interpreter can afford to claim that oral sex is directly mentioned in the Bible - because this will always only be a personal interpretation. One saw it as oral sex, the other did not.
The Song of Solomon is deliberately shrouded in poetic euphemisms that are beautiful by any standard. Some images may seem obvious, others may be controversial.
In fact, that's the whole point: the style of communication between these two lovers perfectly hides all but the most important meaning of their love songs in a way that protects the deeply personal (as God intended) secret of the marriage bed.
The Song of Solomon is incredibly beautiful precisely because it is so carefully veiled. This is a beautiful description of the wonderful, tender, intimate discovery that God intended to make between a young man and his bride in a secret place. We are not told in vivid terms what all the metaphors mean, because the beauty of marital passion is in the eye of the beholder - where it should remain.
